For The Love of a Friend
by Orionshadow
Summary: An arrangement between Soi and Toshiro leads to consequences neither expected. As new alliances are formed, can these two forget their pride? When will they admit their passion? Crack pairings. Coarse Language. Over 18's only. Same AU as Different Circumstances.
1. For the Love of a Friend

**For the Love of a Friend**

He rose from the bed, appalled with his behaviour, his arousal and offended by the person he was with. It was all part of their arrangement but he didn't have to like the deal. Walking to the sink, he rinsed his mouth to remove the taste, washed his face and drank some water. It was over for this day, and he wanted to leave as quickly as possible to relieve the pressure in his groin. It was in direct opposition to the deal if he allowed himself any release while here and gritting his teeth he began to dress as speedily as he could. If he was fast enough, he could be stroking his penis within minutes.

Sparing a glance for the person on the bed he was irritated to see the sated expression and half closed eyes observing him as he dressed.

"That was good. You're learning how to please me and that's what makes this work. A bit more practice and I'd say you have a talented tongue and mouth, but not yet. You will return tomorrow and I'll see if I can help you improve, or you could try again now. Mmn, yes, try again now, while we won't be interrupted. We still have time," the command was made as the one in charge patted the bed, indicating his expected return

"Forget it. That's not part of the arrangement. I've done my part today and now I'm leaving. Take care of it yourself," he was nearly dressed and did not wish to spend any more time as his balls were starting to ache. Pulling his Captain's coat around him, he tried to assure himself that his erection was hidden. He didn't want to walk the streets of Seireitei with such an obvious hard on. If he could find an empty building nearby, he could jack-off there. Why he had to undress to perform he didn't know, but it seemed to please the person on the bed to see his excitement and deny him any fulfilment until after he left.

"The arrangement is not in writing and as you are the one who approached me for my assistance; I think you should do what I say. You can stay fully dressed if you wish, this time, but I feel in the mood for a little more pleasure," the voice and expression were implacable.

"No. Wait until tomorrow." If he gave into this demand, how many more changes would be made until he was little more than a sex toy? His hand slipped down under his coat and he stroked himself, just a touch, just a quick feel to assure himself that he would be soon free to come. Stifling a groan he had to stop his hand from continuing to caress his cock.

"Then this arrangement is over. You will have to make your own preparation to deal with your concerns. Because you have met my demands for two weeks, I will provide two more weeks of protection, but after that, you can deal with it yourself." A cold and hard tone had entered the voice. Any opposition usually attracted this response.

With a sinking heart, he turned back to the bed. "That's unjust. I've done what you asked me and you're making additional demands. I've even wait until I leave here before I masturbate. Now you want me to stay when all I want to do is find my own release?"

A chuckle greeted his words. "Ah, so that's the problem. Tell me, if I relax that rule, just this once, and let you wank to your heart's content, will you pleasure me again? It might be useful if I watch what you do, then our agreement can continue." The sultry eyes surveyed his body as he hesitated.

"Why am I even thinking about it? If I leave…. Dammit. I can't freaking leave if the agreement is at risk, but I don't want to get into a weak position. Letting someone watch me jerk off would make me look pathetic, but oh, fuck. There's no choice." His thoughts rapidly ran through his mind, and seconds later he was again naked, sitting on the bed, his hand eagerly encircling his cock. The touch made him catch his breath. He was almost too engorged and if he didn't come soon he'd suffer pain.

"Turn around, let me watch," the voice demanded.

"Shut up. I'll get to you later, but now I just want to do this in silence," he said roughly while his hand continued to stroke his shaft. Closing his eyes he thought of his lieutenant, on her knees, giving him head; not that she ever had. His hand moved jerkily as he imagined how her large clear eyes would gaze hungrily at him and how her tongue would encircle him before she took him deeply into her mouth. Stifling a groan he tried to focus on that image and the image of pushing her onto her back and burying his cock deep inside her; but his mind kept straying, thinking about Momo. She was the one he really wanted to suck him off, to fuck him, to take his virginity, but now it was not possible. He was in this room on this bed because of Momo, because he wanted to protect her. Thinking about Momo that way was wrong, he wanted to defend her, treasure her; not use her.

"You're not being very obliging, Captain Hitsugaya," the voice chided him, breaking his concentration.

Toshiro swung around, his hand stilling as he opened his eyes to glare at the interrupter. The amused gaze that met his did not make him feel any better. The eyes raked his body and then centred on his groin.

"How much longer are you going to make me wait? I thought this wouldn't take long from what you said," there was a complaint in the words.

"It won't, if you keep quiet. I don't talk to you when…" He started but was interrupted.

"That's because I keep your mouth busy.'

Toshiro flushed at the accuracy of the comment. In any other situation he'd ask for assistance but knew that this individual would not help. Sex was a one way proposition; he gave and did not receive. Ignoring the comments and again closing his eyes he moved his hand faster, allowing it to graze the head of his cock, gaining the greater sensation. Wanting to finish quickly he indulged in a fantasy he rarely permitted himself: pushing the person in front of him onto the bed and plunging his cock in over and over again, ignoring the demands complaints and threats. The thought of this revenge brought him to the brink and he came, shuddering with relief.

"Are you finished now? Can you concentrate on me?" Asked the voice, while he cleaned up.

"Give me a minute," Toshiro replied as he disposed of the tissues. Steeling himself for what lay ahead he drank some more water and returned to the bed.

"I want you to suck my breasts this time, before you do anything else. Don't touch any other part of me," the person commanded imperiously. "I want you to get me aroused before you lick me."

"That's not part of the deal…" he began.

"It is now. I let you wank and now you can suck my nipples. You know you want to."

It was true, he had thought about it in the past few weeks, among other things. He'd wondered what it was like, but had not thought this would be allowed. His penis stirred sluggishly as he lowered his mouth, brusquely tonguing the nipple before drawing it into his mouth. Feeling it grow erect on his tongue, he felt a moment of pleasure, of longing that he could do this to Momo, bring her pleasure. He increased his suction and felt the nipple grow harder. The softness of her breast on his lips was stirring him deeper.

"The other one, now," the voice demanded with a groan.

Without thinking about it, Toshiro straddled the woman beneath him and began sucking the other breast, his skin touching hers, his cock growing hard against her, as he kept imagining that it was Momo beneath him and it was her breath becoming ragged with excitement. He moved his head to the other breast while his fingers played with the nipple recently in his mouth. He wanted Momo to enjoy this; he was going to make her want him; make her forget that bastard, Aizen. Pinching the nipple slightly with his fingers, he licked the other one and then sucked it harder, wanting more response. Momo was moving beneath him, seemingly eager for him to continue. She was sighing in enjoyment. He wished she would touch him.

His hand slipped from her breast, down between her thighs and he heard her gasp as his fingers parted her. She was ready; he could tell she was ready for him as he felt her wet heat and he started to move his mouth up, from her breast to her mouth. He would kiss her as he entered her and gave her his virginity, the way he'd always planned.

"Stop," the voice commanded. "You're breaking the rules."

The sound of the voice broke his fantasy and opening his eyes he looked at the woman who was staring at him in fear. She wasn't Momo and she was scared of what he was planning.

"You're not meant to touch me like that, or kiss me," she said, her voice shaking a little. "You're only meant to use your mouth and tongue on me. Now lick me, suck me, and make me come."

Flushing at his mistake he moved down the bed and brushing aside the dark, damp curls he parted her nether lips and began to lick her, drinking in her familiar scent and flavour. He had mixed feelings about performing the act on this woman. The first time he'd hated it, disgusted by her commands, the taste, his agreement and then revolted at how aroused he became. She had told him what to do, how to bring her pleasure and wanting to get it over with he'd done exactly as she'd demanded. After the first week he began to accept it as a duty to his love that he continue. The instructions were given less frequently as his experience increased. He almost eagerly anticipated the moments he would spend handling his cock afterward, finding his orgasm arrive so quickly.

Slowly he trailed his tongue from her opening to her clitoris; then he returned and thrust his tongue into the entrance, just once, tasting the juices that were seeping out. Sweeping his tongue over her a few times he felt her thrust up into his face. He glanced up and saw her hands were on her breasts, stroking them, playing with the soft flesh, while her eyes closed raptly enjoying the sensations.

"Suck me," she gasped, "now."

Instead of following her instruction he licked her opening again, again pushing his tongue into her. She had changed the rules; he was going to limit his obedience. He was humping the mattress as he licked her this time. Why should she have all the pleasure? Fastening his mouth on her clitoris he quickly inserted a finger inside her and began to use his finger as a substitute penis, thrusting it in and out of her as he continued to suck her. She didn't say anything and he felt her hips move as he continued. Her breathing deepened and he heard her moan.

As if suddenly becoming aware of what he was doing, her actions stilled. "Captain Hitsugaya. Stop that! What are you doing? You're only permitted to lick me, not stick anything into me," she sounded scared again.

Hearing the fear, and feeling guilty at scaring her he removed his finger and his tongue and sat, up, "Sorry," he said.

Recovering, she leant on an elbow and said, "I agreed to help you in return for simple cunnilingus and decided to trust you because you're young, a virgin and not a brute beast like most of the male Captain's in Seireitei. You told me you weren't interested in having sex with me as you love Momo, and you know I don't want a man sticking his thing inside me. So why were you doing that? "

"You broke the rules today. Why can't I? You made me stay, you wanted to come again, and you got me to play with your breasts. I got overexcited. I think if you actually let a man fuck you properly, you'd get over your terror. I know you prefer women, but have you ever had sex with a man?" Toshiro was being too honest, and he knew it.

"Which man? You perhaps? What could you offer me? Men are only interested in their own pleasures. I've never seen the point of allowing one to enjoy me because I'm sure I won't find satisfaction in it."

"Not me, someone else," he replied half truthfully. If she asked him, he'd agree. He'd be stupid not to. "You're a virgin too!" Toshiro finally realised from her comments.

"I've had sex," was the sulky reply. Her mouth looked petulant and her eyes refused to meet his as she responded.

"With a woman." Toshiro pointed out.

"So? I'm not a virgin, I've had sex." She persisted in her affirmation.

"You're as much of a virgin as I am," Toshiro announced triumphantly, not believing her assertions.

Scowling at him, annoyed by his persistence in declaring her innocence she demanded, "I'm not going to talk about this with you any more. Put your mouth to a better use. Suck me, make me come. Before you do, suck my breasts again. I enjoyed that." The last was admitted with reluctance.

Looking at her in amazement Toshiro almost asked if she meant it, but she lay down looking at him expectantly. "It's easier if I can straddle you," he finally said.

"I don't care, just start," she insisted.

He licked first one breast, then the other, lapping around the aureole before moving onto the erect nipple with his pointed tongue. Drawing the sweet nub into his mouth he heard her gasp as he began to suck.

"That feels good," he was surprised to hear her say. She rarely praised his efforts, usually telling him to try harder. He gently used his teeth to bite, just a little and felt her respond, placing her hands on his head to hold it in place. "Keep doing that, please," her voice was hoarse with a note of pleading. "Do it to the other one."

Toshiro obeyed, shifting warily as his cock came into contact with her skin. He was so hard and this was turning him on, hearing her response, feeling her skin heat. Her hands were now pushed through his hair as he gently bit her other nipple, feeling it swell between his lips.

"Suck me. Suck me now," she pleaded, spreading her thighs wide. Obediently, Toshiro first lapped her juices and then again located her centre, lathing his tongue over her before he applied the gentle pressure with his lips.

"Oh, damn, use your finger, push it into me. I want that now," the croaking voice urged.

The demand made Toshiro stop, stunned. First she didn't want it, now she did?

"Go on or I'll withdraw the protection of my command from Momo. Hurry."

Blinking hard he looked at her, seeing the plea in her eyes. Shrugging he inserted his finger, and thrust it in and out as he sucked her. Her hips moved, and he felt her cunt clutch at his digit. Daringly, he added another finger and continued pressing them into her as he waited for the expected complaint. Instead she groaned loudly.

"I want more. Stick your thing into me," she whispered.

Toshiro sat up, withdrawing his fingers, not believing what she said but hoping she meant it. "What?"

Her fevered eyes looked at him. "You said I should get over my terror. You can help. Fuck me."

"It will hurt," Matsumoto had told him her first time had been hard. He hadn't wanted to know, but she'd been drinking and insisted on telling him the full story in explicit detail. He'd tried covering his ears, but she pulled his hands away, telling him he should know, in case he was ever with a virgin.

"So? I'm used to pain. Do you think that worries me?"

He'd actually considered that it was the fear of the pain that prevented her from having sex. Dismissing that thought and without thinking about it further, ignoring his plan of keeping his virginity for Momo, he knelt between her thighs, holding his cock in one hand while his other opened her to him. He placed the head in her opening and then looked at her. "Last chance."

In answer, she grabbed him by his buttocks, pulling him inside her. Sighing with enjoyment, he felt her cunt begin to surround him. It felt good as she stretched around him, but then he felt the blockage. He stopped, unsure how to proceed, trying to remember if fast or slow was supposed to be better. Trying to recollect what Matsumoto had said, he found if difficult to concentrate as his senses were overwhelmed by how it felt to be partially inside her.

She grabbed his head with one hand and pulled it down to hers, kissing him, licking his lips, touching his tongue with hers. By now he'd decided to not feel any surprise at anything she did. Her other hand pushed at his buttocks hard and he felt her tear as his penis pushed through her hymen.

Removing her mouth from his, she bit his shoulder as they lost their virginity, moaning against the pain. Ignoring the sensation of her teeth biting into his flesh, he ceased any movement wanting to give her time to adjust, but she pushed onto him, taking him in completely. He gasped and shut his eyes to try to experience it fully. It was so damn unexpected and so damn good.

"Now, make me come," she said, sighing.

Slowly, Toshiro began to thrust into her, getting used to the unfamiliar movement and the way she felt. He felt her muscles grip him as he moved and she met each thrust and again pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him as they fucked. She seemed to know how to kiss, drawing him into a deeper kiss, touching his tongue with hers, finding the sensitive parts of his mouth that seemed to hunger for her touch.

His excitement grew through the kiss and becoming used to the rhythm of the movement, he began to push into her faster, her hips meeting his in response. She was wetter now and hot and seemed to want him to move even faster, increasing the speed of her moves. Plunging into her, he wondered how long he could hold out before he came, wanting to make it last, hoping she would come first. He noticed the woman underneath him stiffen and then convulse as her cunt clutched him. He thought she was coming but she had pulled her mouth from his and was screaming; her face contorted. Toshiro stopped, scared he had really hurt her and tried to withdraw, but she threw her legs around him to keep him inside. The feeling of her legs wrapping around him and her walls clutching at him made him lose all control and he came.

Opening his eyes once the shudders stopped racking his body, he noticed she was staring at him. Quickly he withdrew and rolled onto his back, wondering what would happen now.

After Aizen's attempt to kill Momo, the medical team had been uncertain if they could save both Momo and the child she didn't know she was carrying, but they had succeeded, and he had sworn an oath that she would be safe. Now that the deal had been broken, would Momo be left unconscious and defenceless while he went to the human world? Would her former Captain and lover find out about her pregnancy and come to claim her and the child? This pact had been struck to get someone else to look out for her while he was away. Thinking about Momo he realised his feelings for her had changed, had sometime ago. The love was still there, but not the tormented love he once felt. Having sex with this woman made him see that his idealism of Momo had been idiotic. He had been foolish to think she would want him once she awoke, and found she was pregnant with the child of the man she mistakenly adored.

"You were right," said the woman lying beside him with regret in her voice.

"Look, I'm sorry I hurt you and made you scream,' he commenced.

"Huh? I screamed because I came, idiot," was the reply.

"But you've never screamed before," Toshiro was confused.

"I'm usually holding it back. This time I couldn't," she admitted ruefully.

They were silent and then he remembered what she had said. "What do you mean I was right?"

"I'm not terrified of you sticking your thing into me. I want you to do it again, often."

"Now?" He wasn't sure he'd be able to perform again so quickly.

"That would be nice, but we don't have time. We've got the Captain's meeting," she moved to sit up and then winced. "That hurt. I suppose I better wash."

"Let me," he went and grabbed a flannel, wetting it and then moving her legs apart, wiped away the blood and sperm, finding the experience erotic as she sighed under his touch. Returning to the sink, he wiped the blood off his penis and then examined his shoulder. Her teeth had not broken the skin, but a red mark remained.

"Yoruichi always told me I was being stupid about fearing sex with a man. She liked it, and that's probably why she left me for Urahara. I still miss her, and that's the reason I agreed to our arrangement. I wanted to be close to someone again and I knew you wouldn't talk about it with anyone."

"Now we've fucked, is the deal off?" Toshiro decided to be blunt, wanting an answer and knowing he still had to look after Momo.

"The deal has changed. Until you go to the human world to help Ichigo, we will meet here each day and have sex. In return, I will make sure Momo is protected. When you return, we will continue. After this meeting, I think we should try again, don't you?"

"Yes, Captain Fong. I agree," Toshiro said smiling.

"In light of the past events, I think I'll call you Toshiro and you can call me Soi," she said smiling back at him.


	2. The Absence of a Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

The companion piece to Chapter One

**The Absence of a Friend**

The loss of Yoruichi ached like a seeping abscess. Time had not made the pain less; it was a constant background hurt. Yoruichi had gone and would never return to her arms. Her love had not been enough. Now she lived each day, carrying out her duties, all the while pondering the mistakes she had made.

Every day she awoke and cried bitter tears when her reaching hands failed to encounter the warm, yielding flesh of her love. Then, impatiently, she would touch herself, trying to mimic the way Yoruichi had handled her; stroking her breasts, her stomach and then lower, all the while trying to convince herself that it was not her hands that fondled her but knowing the lie was there. She would try to believe the lie as she was handling and stroking her body until she came in hard angry spasms, hating the evidence of her need, longing for the caress of soft lips. At least that was how it had been.

The last time she had seen Yoruichi, was when the Ryoka had invaded the Seireitei, and everything had changed. She had stolen into her room wishing to resume their affair, but there was nothing to restart. When Soi's lips sought that tender gesture of affection, a kiss, Yoruichi had jerked her head back forcefully and explained with firmness: no touching, just friendship.

Soi knew then that the man had corrupted her fully. In words that burnt on her memory, Yoruichi told her that there would be no further intimacy between them. Her life had changed and her visits to Soul Society would be rare and sporadic. They could remain distant friends but that was all she could offer; Soi should seek a new love and forget her.

Remembering the words she twisted her face, trying to block out the thoughts, trying to recapture the last time they had been together in this bed, but the words ran through her mind and her attempts at finding pleasure failed. The memory would not allow her to concentrate. She tried to think of other women while her fingers roamed over her breasts and hips: Nemu, Isane, Rangiku, Rukia, but after a few moments, their forms changed into the long, lithe form of Yoruichi. The hair would turn that dark hue and the eyes would morph into the yellow shade she loved so much and then the words would echo through her mind and make the search for release impossible.

An approach to Nemu as a possible substitute had resulted in a rather strange conversation. Nemu had refused to be alone with her. "My father had told me I am not to be alone with any Shinigami not in my Division. My Captain has many enemies who are envious of his talents and abilities. My father said that other Shinigami will tell me lies about him, bitter twisted lies and they will try to turn me against him. I could never turn against my Captain. Thank you for the offer of a drink Captain Soi, but my father would not permit it. My father does not wish for me to touch alcohol." All the while she spoke in a monotone, as if she was repeating a lesson, while her eyes darted around, scared someone would seem them speaking and then she froze her eyes staring over Soi's shoulder. Soi had turned to see Captain Kurotsuchi approaching while the girl almost became rigid with fear as his approach.

He greeted Soi courteously enough and then abruptly ordered his daughter to follow him. This encounter had saddened Soi. Some fathers never permit any freedom for their daughters.

On another occasion, she invited Rangiku to her private quarters for a meal; a mistake she wished she could reverse. She served sake, lots of sake, and when she thought the lieutenant was considerably under the influence, she had pressed her mouth to her cleavage, a distinct difference from the one she loved.

The lieutenant had just pulled away and tutted, "Captain, I will pretend you have drunk too much and this is a joke." Ran had not been drunk, but she was curious why the Captain had invited her to a meal and had pretended to be drunk to see what would happen. "I won't mention this to anyone. I know you are lonely but I can't help you," Ran said quietly as she left the room.

Her behaviour had rocked Soi. The woman was supposed to be very free and easy with her favours, but she had rejected her. Why?

She had feared the next meeting with the lieutenant, but her deference and behaviour had not altered; she was still blunt and forthright. Captain Hitsugaya acted no differently, so Ran had not told him of the blunder; which made Soi feel some sense of comfort but mostly she felt lonely. She missed the closeness and the love, but she did not wish to be placed in a position where she was vulnerable and could face rejection again.

Then, two weeks ago, Captain Hitsugaya had requested a private meeting. He had visited her in her office and explained that he was concerned for the safety of his friend Momo. She had confessed to Ran, when she handed over the letter, that the night before Aizen 'died', she had gone to his room fearful of the events that were occurring, and wanting comfort from the man she idolised. He has allowed her to remain while he wrote and she had fallen asleep in his bed. When she awoke, his naked body was pressed against her and he was undoing her clothes. He had kissed her; the poor girl thought her adoration was being repaid and she responded accordingly, eager to prove her love. She could deny him nothing and joyously gave him her virginity. The following morning, he was no longer in the bed and it was her fate to discover his 'body'.

When the pregnancy was discovered, Ran told her Captain who had fathered the child. She had been very reluctant to break the confidence but felt that if she had been conscious, Momo would have informed her old friend. The news had shocked and dismayed Captain Hitsugaya.

Momo had not known she was pregnant, there was not enough time for her to experience the first signs, before her Captain attempted to kill her. Now she was unconscious and Captain Hitsugaya had been ordered to the human world. He requested that the Special Secret Forces guard Momo while he was absent. His fear was that Aizen would discover the pregnancy and either attempt to kill Momo again, or abduct her. He could allow neither of these events to occur.

Soi considered the situation. There was no benefit to her from this arrangement, only further work, but an idea began to form in her mind. "And what do you propose as incentive for this favour?" she asked frankly.

Captain Hitsugaya blinked at the question. "Incentive? You mean payment? Anything you request, within reason," his youthful voice replied.

Soi smiled slowly. "What do you mean 'within reason'?"

"Anything that is within my power to give you. I can't give you something that is not mine." His green eyes stared out from a furrowed brow. Shifting uncomfortably, he coughed slightly.

The discomfort was noted as was the frown. "You did say that this meeting was to remain confidential, did you not, Captain?" Before she committed herself, she wanted to be assured that there would be no repercussions to her offer.

"Yes. I do not wish it to be general knowledge that Momo is pregnant. As your forces are so discreet, their presence should not be noted and that will provide more security for her. I love her, Captain, she is my friend and I will do anything to protect her," the last sentence was uttered unwillingly and then Soi knew that this was the opportunity she had wanted. If he accepted her offer he could not reject her, ever, and she could control the affair.

Sitting very straight she looked her fellow Captain in the eye. "I can think of something that does interest me, but I need to know: are you in any form of romantic entanglement?" The answer to this question would be the basis of her decision to proceed.

A mixture of expressions crossed his face, longing, sadness and regret. "That's a rather strange question."

"But are you?" she asked, not prepared to concede the point. If he was, then her strategy would not work.

"No, but I fail to see what interest you have in my personal life," he was now scratching his head in confusion and seemed to experience even more disquiet.

"Are you a virgin?" The question passed her lips before she realised she was asking it.

Flushing with anger, Captain Hitsugaya stood abruptly. "I believe you are mocking me, Captain Fong. I will ask someone else for help."

"Answer the question," she said forcefully. "Answer the question and I may guard Momo. Who else can provide the same discretion and shelter?"

"Dammit. No. I don't want to answer the question." His eyes were guarded as he stared at the desk.

She did not reply but watched as he wrestled with himself. Would the love for his friend or his pride be the victor? Finally he answered, "Yes."

"Good, then we can negotiate." She gave him some directions to a place she kept for her privacy, a quiet secluded place which she had sometimes visited with Yoruichi. "Meet me there in one hour and I will tell you how to obtain my protection for Momo."

His back stiff, he refused to leave. "Tell me now. I won't agree to meet you anywhere unless I know for what purpose."

"Have you heard the term cunnilingus?" Using the correct term was important. If he agreed, he should be fully aware of the requisites.

The Captain gulped and slowly nodded. He had begun to turn red.

"Have you any experience?"

He shook his head in the negative, his face flushing even further.

"Good. I'll teach you. You will learn how to make me come with your tongue and your mouth. There will be no other touching, kissing and definitely no contact between your thing and my body. You are not permitted to masturbate in my presence. In return I will make certain that Momo is cared for and secure so that no one may hurt her."

His face brightened at the last promise but then returned to the brooding look that formed as she had outlined the requirements. He shifted from foot to foot, an idiosyncrasy she had not noticed before.

"Do you agree?"

"Are you just doing this to humiliate me?" The words burst from him and his agitation increased.

"No, I'm doing this for my pleasure and nothing else. You have learnt no bad habits, you are a virgin and your presence does not fill me with fear of a physical threat. To keep Momo safe you will do what you are told. It suits my requirements. Will you agree to this pact?" If he did not, she would have to think of some other arrangement and a way of silencing him.

She waited while Captain Hitsugaya twitched with discomfort. Counting on his loyalty, it was interesting to watch his face change as his thoughts were reflected in his expression. Doing nothing to break the silence, she waited patiently, allowing him the time to arrive at his decision.

He shut his yes, sighed and nodded.

"Does that mean you concur? I need to have verbal confirmation," Soi insisted, her pulse racing.

"Yes, I agree to the pact. I will learn from you and do as you ask, but only once per day until I am required to leave," he was having difficulty meeting her eyes now.

The smile that curved her mouth was unobserved by Captain Hitsugaya. Why wait an hour? The time to act was now. "I will meet you in the agreed place in 10 minutes. I think it would be best if we arrived separately," her cool words setting the events in motion.

He nodded and left hastily. She waited a few minutes and then left, desire stirring through her veins. Not desire for the male, but desire for the satisfaction she would make certain he gave her.

Arriving, she went in quickly and found him standing uncertainly in the room, staring at the bed. "We will both remove our own clothing. I expect you to be naked as well as me." Removing her clothes quickly, she lay on the bed and watched him undress reluctantly, his eyes fixed on the wall. With relief she noticed that his thing was dormant. This would make the experience much less threatening for her.

"Come here," she commanded once he was nude.

She began instructing him, showing him where her clitoris was situated, and explaining her preferences while he avoided eye contact. It was not possible to tell if he was listening, except the longer she told him what she expected, the more he blushed. When she thought she had told him enough, she instructed him to start. She parted her legs and he lay on the bed and lapped at her. From the first few attempts, it was obvious he had no idea what he was doing. His tongue was too wet and too flat.

"Stop. You are licking me like a dog licks his masters' hand. Watch me," she said and showed him what she wanted, licking her hand with a pointed tongue. After showing him a number of ways to use his tongue, she instructed him to try again.

This time he hesitated, but tried harder and she began to feel some stimulation. It took some time, and a few more demonstrations, before he finally began to catch on and then more time passed before he made her come. Part of the problem had been her nervousness and slight fear that he would go beyond the agreed boundaries when she was in the throes of her orgasm, but he had respected the agreement. It had been worth it, and she hoped next time he would be able to remember the lesson.

As soon as she had come, he raced to the sink and rinsed his mouth many times, washed his face and dressed hurriedly. As he dressed she noticed his thing was sticking out, no longer dormant. Licking her had excited him. She was a little disgusted at seeing him like that, but also a tiny bit curious to gain a closer look. As he was about to leave she stipulated, "Same time tomorrow?"

He paused, nodded, and then left, slamming the door behind him.

He had improved through the first week and during the second week, she became more curious. Each time, after she came, he would repeat the same routine: the rinsing, the washing, the obvious arousal and leaving, fast. Seeing him excited had become less threatening because he never broke any part of the contract. He rarely spoke to her, obeyed her instructions and made her reach orgasm faster each time. She almost regretted putting a time limit on the arrangement.

Then she made her blunder, inspired by a dream she'd had the previous night. In the dream they were in this room and he had been making love to her; no, pleasuring her; with his mouth, as she writhed under the caress of his tongue. He had been touching her as his mouth sucked her and she had felt a certain recklessness overtake her as she had articulated the desire she had denied until now, "I want to fuck."

He'd ceased licking her and then slid up the bed to lie next to her; smiled a slow, sexy smile and kissed her, his tongue sliding into her mouth, as he languorously stroked her breasts, following the contours, grazing the nipples. When his fingers had touched the sensitive flesh, she had jerked slightly from the excitement of the contact and a moan had escaped her. His hands had felt so skilled in finding how to arouse her. In answer to her moan he removed his mouth from hers and bent down to her breasts, sucking them, licking them, forcing her to acknowledge that she wanted him.

The dream progressed as his hand stole between her thighs which she parted readily, and he'd played with her clit before exploring her virgin space with his finger. She had been moaning by that time, so ready for the next part. He had not moved too fast, kissing her again and his hands had moved up to her breasts again as he concentrated on making her lips tingle and her mouth became searing under his demanding tongue. He'd stroked her stomach which had become sensitive to his hands and she almost pushed his hand down further, to touch her once more.

When he finally entered her, she was so wet that he slipped inside her, filling her and almost making her shriek with how good it was. It was then she awoke, perspiring heavily and so aroused that she had to come, allowing the sequences in the dream to replay in her mind as she masturbated, but somehow she felt slightly unfulfilled.

Now, watching him dress after she'd come, she felt a sudden flare of desire as she looked at his mouth. That mouth; she wanted that mouth on her again. Her eyes descended further and she found she was gazing at his cock with vague yearning. Heat filled her blood and the memory of the dream returned to plague her. Ignoring the consequences, blind to everything but her sudden passion she said: "That was good. You're learning how to please me and that's what makes this work. A bit more practice and I'd say you have a talented tongue and mouth, but not yet. You will return tomorrow and I'll see if I can help you improve, or you could try again now. Mmn, yes, try again now, while we won't be interrupted. We still have time,"

"Forget it. That's not part of the arrangement. I've done my part today and now I'm leaving. Take care of it yourself," his voice was curt as he continued to dress, refusing to look at her.

Even fully dressed she could see his arousal distinctly outlined by his hakama, until he pulled his Captain's coat over his body and then she almost sighed. How could she persuade him to stay? Now she was feeling slightly desperate and decided to reason with him, pointing out one slight oversight. "The arrangement is not in writing and as you are the one who approached me for my assistance; I think you should do what I say. You can stay fully dressed if you wish, this time, but I feel in the mood for a little more pleasure," she kept her voice as forceful as possible, in order that any evidence of her need was hidden.

"No. Wait until tomorrow." He was not paying attention to her and she saw his hand slip down as he stroked his cock. The slight groan did not escape her attention and she found her tongue was touching her lips as she watched him.

She wouldn't let him leave. Not now. Reason hadn't made any impression but threats might succeed. "Then this arrangement is over. You will have to make your own preparation to deal with your concerns. Because you have met my demands for two weeks, I will provide two more weeks of protection, but after that, you can deal with it yourself." It was challenging to sound cold when her blood felt so hot, but he had to realise that she held the upper hand.

"That's unjust. I've done what you asked me and you're making additional demands. I even wait until I leave here before I masturbate. Now you want me to stay, when all I want to do is find my own release?" This time he actually looked at her, his eyes meeting hers as his indignation was clearly expressed.

At least he was being honest. She knew he left so quickly because making her come excited him. He'd honoured the deal and she was breaking it all because of a dream. Trying to lighten the atmosphere she forced a laugh, but only managed a chuckle, "Ah, so that's the problem. Tell me, if I relax that rule, just this once, and let you wank to your heart's content, will you pleasure me again? It might be useful if I watch what you do, then our agreement can continue." Her eyes were drawn to the bulge in his pants and looking up she saw he had noticed the direction of her gaze.

He stood, noticeably wavering for a short period and then he flung off his clothes and sat on the bed, his back toward her as his hand encircled his erection. Watching him handle his penis she felt an unusual reaction which she rapidly squashed.

"Turn around, let me watch," she demanded, her voice a little unsteady as she watched his hand move along his shaft.

"Shut up. I'll get to you later, but now I just want to do this in silence," was the curt response as he shut his eyes, stroking his cock with obvious need.

She shifted on the bed, wanting to watch. As he continued to masturbate she noticed that the head of his cock was becoming a darker colour and the veins became more visible, the more he was aroused. Briefly she thought of taking him into her mouth and found she was disgusted at the idle thought. He was a man; he was only here to bring her to orgasm.

"You're not being very obliging, Captain Hitsugaya," her breath catching in her throat as she spoke. As he turned toward her, his face a mixture of anger and lust she cast her eyes over him and again became fixated on his groin. If he didn't come soon she might make a fatal error. "How much longer are you going to make me wait? I thought this wouldn't take long from what you said," trying to cover up her thoughts she decided to push him further. If he came soon and pleasured her again, maybe the effects of the dream would be dispelled.

"It won't, if you keep quiet. I don't talk to you when…" He started but she interrupted him.

"That's because I keep your mouth busy." As I wish it was now, she said silently. Watching him blush amused her and made her acknowledge that he looked… hot. With new resolution he stroked himself faster. When he came and was distracted, she quickly dipped her finger into the semen, sniffed it and then tasted it. It did not taste anything like Yoruichi. Making a face, she wiped her tongue on the back of her hand trying to remove the flavour.

When he was finally ready to concentrate on her, she made her demand. He had to use his mouth on her breasts. The dream, her arousal was driving her further than she wished, but her touch was no longer enough. He hadn't argued much because she suspected he'd fantasised about it in the last two weeks. Lowering his mouth, almost greedily, he touched her breast for the first time. His lips felt different to Yoruichi's, but the earlier training was paying off, even now. He was proving surprisingly adept and she became very excited as he had applied his mouth to her breasts, nuzzling at her, paying special attention to her responsive nipples. When he finished with one, his hand continued to stroke it. She even ignored it when his thing came in contact with her skin, so excited was she. For a moment she allowed her imagination to convince her Yoruichi had returned and was again making love to her and she sighed and responded. She felt herself become wet with the contact almost wriggling with the desire to progress. Then he made the mistake of touching her between the thighs in an exploratory manner; something she had forbidden. He was shifting on the bed, bringing his head up to hers, and attempting to push her legs apart with his hand as if he was going to fuck her.

"Momo," he murmured softly.

She reacted in fright; he was with her but thinking of someone else. How dare he forget who was in charge here. "Stop! You're breaking the rules." He ceased his movement and looked at her, confused. "You're not meant to touch me like that, or kiss me," she said, her voice shaking a little. "You're only meant to use your mouth and tongue on me. Now lick me, suck me, and make me come."

He was embarrassed, his skin flushed and she noticed his eyes had sparked at her complaint. As he moved to obey and his fingers parted her, her breath became unsteady. It was only seconds, but she eagerly anticipated the caress of his lips and tongue. Instead of concentrating on her clitoris this time, he spent some time paying homage to her slit and it felt right, Yoruichi often licked her there to tease her before moving up to her hot centre. Normally she limited the touching there because of her fear that he would get ideas of thrusting his thing into her but she was trying to think of Yoruichi, fantasise about her, not the man between her legs. When he tongued her this time, she responded, further aroused from his attentions to her breasts. Allowing the fantasy that Yoruichi had returned to unfold, she began to touch her breasts as he employed his tongue on arousing her. "Suck me, now," she said. She had sunk so far into the fantasy that when he began to fuck her with his finger she accepted it because that was how Yoruichi had made love to her. It felt so good with his mouth sucking her clitoris and his finger rhythmically thrusting into her, soothing the ache she had begun to experience there. So good that she was moaning and approaching her climax, when reality intruded and she remembered who was on the bed with her. While he was pleasuring her she gradually became aware that he was thrusting himself steadily against the bed. She felt conflict, fear that he would take it further, worry he wouldn't. What was going on in her head?

He was a man, a man who became excited when he brought her pleasure. He might take things further and that could not happen. She liked women. She wanted to make love with a woman. He was only temporary. Trying to keep her voice steady she said, "Captain Hitsugaya. Stop that! What are you doing? You're only permitted to lick me, not stick anything into me," but she knew the uncertainty was there, sounding like fear.

When he sat up she saw that he was again fully erect and she had to drag her gaze away from his cock. "Sorry," he said.

Bridling her tongue from the rash words she wanted to utter, she knew she sounded cruel as she spoke, but she had to remind him. "I agreed to help you in return for simple cunnilingus and decided to trust you because you're young, a virgin and not a brute beast like most of the male Captain's in Seireitei. You told me you weren't interested in having sex with me as you love Momo, and you know I don't want a man sticking his thing inside me. So why were you doing that?"

The conversation that followed made her feel uncomfortable. She denied that she was a virgin or that she wanted to have sex with a man, but looking at him, seeing his youth, witnessing his excitement made the dream replay through her mind. She struggled not to think about it while they talked but nothing could prevent the images from passing through her mind. The conversation was making things worse because she kept imagining him pushing his cock into her as he had in the dream. Her mind was seriously screwed.

Demanding he suck her breasts again and admitting she'd enjoyed it, she lay down, determined to make him bring her pleasure on her terms. She felt his body against hers and could not ignore his thing as it slid against her skin while he gently bit her nipples. A rush of heat flooded through her as his teeth touched her skin, the sensation being more intense than when he'd sucked them. Her legs parted involuntarily and she didn't care. She knew where this was going; if she didn't take heed.

"That feels good," The words were forced from her as he gently used his teeth to bite, just a little and her hands moved to his head, subtly stroking his hair, holding it in place. "Keep doing that, please," her voice was hoarse with a note of pleading. "Do it to the other one."

As he shifted to obey her hands pushed through his hair and she felt his cock hard against her thigh. She swallowed hard as the ache between her legs became more pronounced. How long would she be able to deny what she wanted? "Suck me. Suck me now," she pleaded, spreading her thighs wide.

He was very obedient, lapping her gently and then focusing his attention on her clitoris. No finger, no tongue entering her as she wanted. She'd have to ask, and if she asked for this, how long before she demanded the next step? "Oh, damn, use your finger, push it into me. I want that now," her voice croaked as she felt her control diminish into nothing.

The demand made him stop. He stopped! "Go on or I'll withdraw the protection of my command from Momo. Hurry," she urged him, desperate for him to continue, to make her come now, before anything else.

He looked at her, his large green eyes confused, his mouth red and wet and a look of unsatisfied lust visible in his features. The look confirmed he wanted her, this time he wasn't thinking of anyone else and she was concentrating on him. He shrugged and his mouth returned to her as his finger pushed into her. She thrust herself onto the finger and moaned with delight when he added a second finger, stretching her further. It still wasn't enough. She wanted his cock now, but would he agree? It finally struck her. When he'd originally asked for her help, she had seen him as a potential lover, not just the means to an orgasm. She liked his innocence, his blunt candour, his large green eyes and the fact that he didn't scare her. Each time he made her come she'd held back the scream, fearful that she'd utter someone's name and in the throes of passion she was unsure whose name it would be. It was too late, they'd come this far and she craved him.

"I want more. Stick your thing into me," she whispered.

What was his problem? When she asked, he stopped everything, removed his mouth and fingers and sat up. She almost felt like hitting him, or tying him up and keeping him for her personal and constant use.

"What?" he sounded surprised but she noticed his eyes slid from her face to her breasts and then back to her face.

She decided to tell him that the earlier conversation had made her change her mind. Why make a speech about her dreams and how hot he was making her feel. "You said I should get over my terror. You can help. Fuck me."

His cock twitched visibly at the word but he only said "It will hurt."

"So? I'm used to pain. Do you think that worries me?" She was a Captain and a Shinigami. Of course she was used to pain, but not this sort of pain. Watching him, she saw a look of delight cross his face.

She parted her legs and watched eagerly as he knelt between her thighs, holding his cock in one hand while his other opened her to him. She thrilled to the touch of his fingers, knowing that this was inevitable. She bit her lip as he pushed just the tip of the head in her opening and then looked at her, his eyes dark with ardour. "Last chance."

Was he deliberately teasing her? Her hands moved to his buttocks, feeling the firm muscles under her hands as she pushed at him feeling him slide into her cunt, almost as effortlessly as in the dream. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt his cock enter her, stretching her, but then he stopped as he encountered her maidenhead. He kept stopping and she wanted to keep going. If she kissed him, would that make him continue?

As she pulled his head to hers, she parted her lips and felt his mouth meet hers. Darting her tongue inside his open mouth she could taste her juices on his tongue and it was that which made her throw away her last fear. She pushed his buttocks again and as his cock began to tear through her hymen, she stopped the kiss and bit his shoulder, trying to work out which feeling was more intense, the pain or the pleasure. She moaned at the pain, but it was also a moan of pleasure and she couldn't stop her body from pushing onto him until he was fully sheathed inside her. He had remained still while she pushed onto him and briefly she wondered why, but didn't really mind.

"Now, make me come," she said, sighing. She wanted him to show her that this wasn't just her desire; that he wanted to fuck her.

Her words had an immediate effect and he began to push into her, slowly, as if unsure in what he was doing. She didn't mind because it let her feel him thrust into her and she revelled in the feeling of his cock entering her. Each time he pushed into her she felt him stretch her further and she enjoyed it. Pulling his face to hers she kissed him, using all the techniques Yoruichi had taught her, trying to excite her partner. He kissed her in response, his tongue mimicking her ploys and she felt her body respond to him further. She wasn't doing it consciously and as she kissed him she felt her excitement grow and she eagerly met every thrust, trying to encourage him to take her harder, faster. His chest was touching hers, rubbing against her smoothly as he thrust into her and she was lost to every other sensation except his body on hers, their mouths kissing and how it felt to fuck him. She could feel her cunt grip him as he pushed into her and he was becoming steadier as he thrust into her, building into a solid rhythm that made her arch against him. Why had she waited so long for this? They could have been fucking for the last two weeks.

Now he was taking her harder as his confidence grew and she could feel his mouth become hotter as they kissed. Damn it was good. She felt her orgasm building as they moved together driving each other further. She was perspiring as she tightened around him feeling the waves of pleasure begin to take over; she was coming. Pulling her mouth from his, she screamed loudly, trying to retain enough sense so she didn't scream any name when she came. He tried to withdraw, she didn't know why, but she enclosed his hips with her legs, keeping him inside, and then felt him shudder as his hot seed filled her.

Opening her eyes she stared at his face as he came. It was interesting to watch the pleasure cross his face only to be replaced by the look of fear when he finally opened his eyes and saw her looking at him. It was obvious he was scared that she would not honour her part of the deal now that the pact had been broken and he quickly withdrew and lay on his back, tense where he had been relaxed only seconds before. She almost laughed at his apprehension. The deal was broken, but she had ideas for a new arrangement and it was highly probable he would agree but she felt a strange regret. Her life had now changed forever.

"You were right," she said to the man lying beside her.

"Look, I'm sorry I hurt you and made you scream,' he commenced.

What was he talking about? Hurt her? God, she'd just fucked him and come powerfully and he thought he'd hurt her. Then it dawned on her what he was worried about, "Huh? I screamed because I came, idiot." He was very inexperienced; she kept forgetting.

"But you've never screamed before," he sounded confused.

"I'm usually holding it back. This time I couldn't," she admitted ruefully. He went silent and she thought about how she could broach the subject. She'd hinted at it before, but he had been intent on apologising.

"What do you mean I was right?" At last the words had sunk in and he was asking the question she wanted him to ask.

"I'm not terrified of you sticking your thing into me. I want you to do it again, often." She meant it. Terror was replaced by enthusiasm.

"Now?"

"That would be nice, but we don't have time. We've got the Captain's meeting," she moved to sit up and then winced as she felt a new pain. It wasn't bad, just unexpected "That hurt. I suppose I better wash."

"Let me," he went and grabbed a flannel, wetting it and then moving her legs apart, wiped away the blood and sperm

His touch, the unanticipated care shocked her slightly but she also found it strangely arousing. "Yoruichi always told me I was being stupid about fearing sex with a man. She liked it, and that's probably why she left me for Urahara. I still miss her, and that's why I agreed to our arrangement. I wanted to be close to someone again and I knew you wouldn't talk about it with anyone." She watched as he wiped his cock and examined his shoulder.

"Now we've fucked, is the deal off?" There was a strange tone to his voice. Was it a note of longing for it to be over?

At last, now she could propose the new agreement. "The deal has changed. Until you go to the human world to help Ichigo, we will meet here each day and have sex. In return, I will make sure Momo is protected. When you return, we will continue. After this meeting, I think we should try again, don't you?"

"Yes, Captain Fong. I agree," Toshiro said smiling at her, interest evident in his voice and face at the terms of the new pact.

"In light of the past events, I think I'll call you Toshiro and you can call me Soi," she said smiling back at him, while hiding her relief that he seemed as eager to consent to the new accord as she was. The only problem she could see was she would have to exercise immense patience during the Captain's meeting.

* * *

A.N.

There maybe another chapter, I'm not sure yet. I just wonder what would happen after the Captains' meeting.

Review please.


	3. Before the Absence of a Lover

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Before the Absence of a Lover**

The Captains meeting followed the normal agenda and the minutes sluggishly passed. There was the usual backbiting and point scoring with Mayuri sniping at Zaraki about some imagined slight. Toshiro was tired of the meeting before it had commenced. What was there to discuss? He was leading a mission into the human world to provide support for Ichigo. As yet, the only people he knew that were definitely going with him were Rukia and Renji because of their friendship with the deputy Shinigami.

Then the old man dropped the bombshell. "Captain Hitsugaya, I would like you to choose the final three members of the party. You will need to clear the choice with the relevant Captains, but I do not believe anyone would be foolish enough to disagree. I would counsel you to choose wisely and I recommend that you do not choose another Captain."

Toshiro felt the blood drain from his face. "This is just great. None of the Captains will be pleased to have any of their subordinates taken from them, no matter what the reason." He noticed a number of the people in the room shoot him looks of warning, except Soi whose eyes seemed fixed much lower than his face. He had avoided looking at her until now and had to quickly re-arrange his Captain's coat when he saw the direction of her gaze. Just a look and he got hard, thinking about how they'd fucked before the meeting and how good it had been.

From being used as sex toy, and now he would admit that had been his role, she'd actually asked him to fuck her and she'd enjoyed it and wanted more. When she made the new suggestion there was little chance he would say no. While the meeting went on he found it difficult to concentrate, anticipating what would happen afterward, hoping she wouldn't change her mind. He wanted to get between her thighs and screw her until they were both unable to come anymore. Just thinking about it was enough to make this meeting even more meaningless than normal. He wiped his forehead, amazed at the sweat that was forming there, even though the day was not warm. His cock kept reminding him what it wanted to do; it was a pity it couldn't make the meeting end.

"Any further business?" Captain Yamanto asked.

Toshiro held his breath. This was usually the time when all the arguing started but for once no one said anything. The silence lengthened.

"Then I will provide the final comment. The mission leaves for the human world tomorrow." Toshiro felt as if he had been struck, he'd hoped for at least another day. He quickly glanced at Soi to see her face fall in disappointment. She wanted more time with him; at least he hoped that was why she seemed unhappy. "Captain Hitsugaya, will you remain behind for some final instructions?"

He nodded, knowing the instructions would be lengthy. The other captains left and Soi gave him a quick glance as she left. She mouthed 'one hour?' and he nodded gratefully. One hour would pass, eventually. It had to pass. Time didn't stay still, except during these thrice damned meetings.

He tried to pay attention to the old man's advice, restrictions, prohibitions and instructions but his mind refused to concentrate. Perhaps his mind wasn't completely to blame. He agreed, half listening to some of the matters being outlined and then Captain Yamamoto asked, "Who else will you choose? I think you should clear it with me now, just in case you have any difficulties."

His mind had been elsewhere because he stood there, his mouth open as he tried to think. Renji was going and he remembered who he was good friends with: "I will request that Ikkaku Madarame joins the mission. He has fought Ichigo and they became friends, I think. He is friends with Renji and the two of them would provide solid support."

"If you choose him, I suggest you also select Yumichika Ayasegawa as well. Those two work particularly well together. I do not believe that Captain Zaraki will be pleased and you should ask him for his agreement," the Captain-General was not advising, he was ordering.

"Yes, sir. I will make certain he is informed," there was no way on Earth that he was going to chase after Zaraki. Anyway the man would probably be having his bath, and everyone knew only stupid or suicidal people would interrupt that Captain's bath.

'See that you do. And the third candidate?" For a moment Toshiro thought of nominating Soi, but he wanted her here to protect Momo and it would seem strange to nominate a Captain especially since he had basically been ordered not to select another Captain.

"I still have yet to decide. I will let you know soon, Sir," he temporised.

The old man nodded. "I'm sure you have much to do. Good luck Captain Hitsugaya. I'm satisfied you accepted this responsibility."

Toshiro bowed slightly and left the room. Now he could meet Soi. He hoped she would be interested in more than one screw because the images that had passed through his mind made him believe that once would only be a taste. As he closed the door behind him, he felt a pair of well known arms embrace him and ruffle his hair. "I'm going to miss you so much when you're gone, Captain."

"Matsumoto, leave me alone. I know you're teasing, but I'm tired of it. I have a job for you; you know, work," he may as well make her do some work for a change.

Her large eyes looked at him, shocked. "Work? For me? What have I done to displease you?"

He choked back a laugh at her pretence of innocence. "I want you to ask Captain Zaraki if he objects to Ikkaku Madarame and Yumichika Ayasegawa accompanying me on my mission. I want you to get the answer. It's urgent, but don't be stupid enough to interrupt him if he's bathing." He was rather surprised at the unusual expression that crossed his Lieutenant's face. For a moment he could have sworn he saw a spark of interest in her eyes. Dismissing the notion he continued, "I'll meet you in my office in two hours. Make sure you have an answer for me."

Without another word, which was also abnormal, Matsumoto nodded and left, smoothing her hair as she went through the door. For a second he felt a strange foreboding, but shrugged it off. She'd be sensible, he hoped. If she wasn't he'd have to remind her of her position as his lieutenant. She hated the reminders, becoming solemn and irritable, but she did listen and try to comply, for a short time.

Noting the time he saw he had ten minutes before the hour had passed. He moved as swiftly as he could to the place they had met for the last two weeks. Entering the room he saw it was deserted and felt apprehensive. Soi might have changed her mind and decided that the pact was broken and she didn't want to renew it.

He licked his lips, wishing for the taste of her in his mouth, the sound of her sighs as he licked her, feeling her respond to his tongue. Hell, he'd even go back to just servicing her with his mouth now. He pictured how she looked, naked, her knees bent; her thighs apart as she demanded he pleasure her. For the last week he'd enjoyed bringing her to orgasm, even though he went through the ritual washing. Why was he even thinking like this? It was over.

The door opened and Soi entered, looking unexpectedly shy. She closed the door and locked it, but then stood uncertainly, glancing at him, but refusing to look at him. He found he felt shy too, but so damned horny he wanted to fuck her against the door.

Minutes ticked by. His cock was getting harder, just knowing she was in the room, but she still seemed to be entranced by the pattern of the floorboards, her face pink and her mouth open, just a little, as she refused to meet his gaze.

Tiring of the impasse, he removed his coat and dropped it to the floor. She copied him. He undid his shirt and it quickly followed the coat to the floor, then his hakama, then the rest. Soi copied everything until they were both naked, standing metres apart in the room. Her eyes had moved from the floor boards and seemed to be firmly fixed on his cock while his gaze strayed between her chest and the fine down that covered her sex. He stifled a groan as he looked at her, wanting her to come to him, to acknowledge that she wanted him.

Giving up, he lay on the bed and let his hand descend to his cock as he shut his eyes. What could he say to her? She had been in control of all the sex until now and he wanted to assert his authority, or at least be a partner in the decisions.

A hand shyly touched his penis and he opened his eyes to see Soi standing next to the bed, a look of near fear on her face as she touched his cock then quickly jerked her hand away, indicating that she was scared of what it might do. Toshiro realised she had not completely lost her fear of men, but he thought she was trying to force her acceptance of him. Her face was a mixture of confusion, disgust, longing, desire and fear but he could only respond to the longing and desire.

Without thinking any further, he reached for her and dragged her on top of him, his lips eagerly seeking hers. She resisted, but as soon as her body came in contact with his, her mouth opened and she was kissing him in return. She pushed her mound against his cock, rubbing it between their bodies, a direct contradiction of how she had acted when she touched him with her hand. Feeling the fine hair and her skin touch him in this way he almost pushed her onto her back and penetrated her, but that would be cheating.

Her tongue knew what it was doing. She licked his lips and then caressed his soft palate and gums. She did not even touch his tongue with hers until he was unconsciously thrusting against her. The movement made her break the kiss.

"Lick me," she commanded as she had many times before. Pushing her onto her back he deliberately misheard her and began to kiss her shoulder lightly, hoping she would ask for something more. He wanted her to treat him differently to the way she had the past two weeks.

"Lick me," she demanded, her voice torn between confusion and anger.

Shrugging he moved his head down to her breasts, tracing his tongue from one to the other, not sucking, just licking. Her skin tasted different and she smelt of soap. She'd demanded he lick her and that was what he did. He licked her breasts, her nipples, her stomach and her nipples again, taking his time and varying between soft and gentle and avid and lustful. He liked her breasts. They were small, but well formed and he noticed that goose bumps were forming where he licked. The skin on her breasts felt different to the firmer flesh of her stomach.

"Toshiro, you're not listening. I said lick me," her voice did not sound as assured as normal but the tone was lower indicating that she didn't dislike it.

"I am licking you. You weren't specific," he said running his tongue over her nipples again and again. She stiffened underneath him and he wasn't sure if it was anger or something else. Her nipples were pink and erect and he wanted to take one in his mouth and suck it, but she'd only asked him to lick her.

"I meant lick me, make me come," the demand was wavering as her nipples became even more erect and seemingly demanding of his tongue.

Ignoring her words, Toshiro moved up her body and kissed her mouth to prevent any further demands, careful to keep his lips gentle on her but she pulled her mouth away.

"I thought you were going to do what I said." She looked a little worried at his ability to act independently but her eyes kept straying downwards which made him hope.

"Everything's changed Soi. I thought you realised that. The agreement is that we will have sex, not that you will be in charge, and having sex is more than just licking you as I have. I have an idea. You tell me to do one thing and I'll do it. Then I tell you one thing and you do it," Toshiro was trying to compromise. It was better than just giving into her demands and maybe he could demand that she allow him to touch her breasts, the different parts of her body and he could experience that intimate contact.

Soi looked even more puzzled and unhappy. "You ask me to do something? I don't like the sound of that. You might ask me to lick your thing and I don't want to."

"You expect me to lick and suck your pussy. Why won't you lick my cock?" This woman had some strange expectations and he wasn't happy that she always referred to his penis as a 'thing'. It had crossed his mind he would enjoy watching her tongue lick his cock lingeringly but her words made him discard that fantasy.

"Because it's a man's thing," was the only answer she gave.

"But you like me fucking you with it," Toshiro pointed out. He was beginning to wonder if this new agreement would work out at all.

"I liked it the only time you did it. I might not like it the next time," she snapped, angry with his obvious pride in her enjoyment of having sex with him.

"Okay, okay. I won't ask you to lick my cock. Will that make you happy?" Toshiro was prepared to concede that point.

"If you lick me now, and I don't mean my breasts. I want you to lick my clitoris," Soi said, a little more assured.

Toshiro shrugged and moved down, between her parted thighs. He would indulge her in this because he wanted to. Slipping his fingers between the close curls, he exposed her labia and began to lick her cunt. He could barely taste his cum from the earlier fuck, but he was now sure she had bathed. He could taste her. He thrust his tongue into her a few times wishing it was his penis and hearing her sigh, he moved his attentions to her hot centre, licking her the way she had told him she liked best, slow interspersed with fast. After a minute he drew his mouth away from her and sat up. Her eyes opened mystified and dazed and she stared at him again not understanding. It was hard for her to adjust to the change in their agreement.

"My turn. I want you to kiss me on the mouth and use your tongue," he demanded. He really wanted to ask her to touch him, but it seemed unlikely she would agree. She had kissed him earlier.

Soi sat up slowly and brought her mouth to his; kissing him with the expertise she had shown previously. He wanted the kiss to persist but Soi broke it after he was starting to draw her closer his excitement focusing on how she could arouse him so easily with her tongue. She made her next request. "Suck my breasts." She lay down, her eyes shut, expecting him to comply.

Toshiro swooped down eagerly, drawing the erect nub into his mouth. He'd been waiting for this request and was rewarded by a soft sigh of pleasure. "I like that," she said as he increased the pressure and licked her with his tongue as he felt her strain against him. He let his lips rove over the warm flesh, teasing her, pulling the skin between his lips and gently sucking and then moving back to the nipples until she was sighing regularly and he noticed her legs had parted slightly, whether voluntarily or involuntarily he did not know.

That was enough for him to stop. "My turn. I want to fuck you until we both come," Toshiro demanded, finally giving into the demands of his body.

Soi did not reply. She lay back and parted her legs further, obviously waiting for him to start. This time he did not hesitate but plunged straight in, wanting to feel her tight walls enclose him once more. The smooth muscles surrounded him and he sighed in pleasure at being within her body once more, having thought of this moment all through the Captain's meeting. She jerked against him as he penetrated her and he looked at her, noticing her eyes were tightly shut. He stopped moving, wondering what was wrong.

"Why did you stop," Soi asked, staring up at him questioningly when he stopped. She was moving very gently under him, tiny motions as if she were trying to push herself onto him further.

"You jerked against me. I thought I'd hurt you," Toshiro explained, ignoring those subtle pushes that were arousing him. He hoped they were evidence that she wanted him to continue because if she wanted to stop now, he wouldn't know how to react.

"Maybe for a second, but I like the way your thing fills me. Could you move now, fast? I only have an hour or a little extra and I want to do this more than once, if we can," her candour shocked him slightly but he found her words exciting.

Nodding at her request he began to thrust into her, slowly at first, needing to feel her pussy clutch at him as he moved into her. The first time they'd had sex the way the muscles had gripped him was a surprise. He hadn't known it would be like that, the slick feel of the muscles massaging his cock as he pushed into the heat that surrounded him Sighing he increased his speed as he felt her response . Her hands were now on his back and he felt her pulling on his shoulders and she brought his mouth to hers.

There was no hesitation in returning her kiss. He yearned for the method she used when her lips moved on his and her tongue teased its way into his mouth. He'd once tried to kiss Momo, but she had laughed at him, telling him that his mouth was too wet. Soi just kissed him and he was glad that instead of instructing him how to kiss, she showed him. She circled his gums and then touched his hard palate with swift flicks.

When the kiss was finished, he pushed her legs further apart in an effort to penetrate her deeper. She complied and then wiggled a bit to find a more comfortable position. The wiggling almost undid him, providing a new sensation that he wanted to explore again. He stopped, "Do that again," he said.

"What?" Soi asked. "Kiss you?" Her eyes were only partially opened and he saw the coloured irises moving behind the half shut lids.

"Move like that again," Toshiro instructed her.

"No. If anyone has the right to make a demand it's me. I didn't want you to stop and you did. I told you I only have a short time and I'm close. Make me come." Soi was again making those subtle little moves that made him forget his request. The subtle moves were becoming less subtle and more erotic as she rocked her hips against him.

That move was even more stimulating than the wriggling and Toshiro stayed still just to experience how her cunt worked on his cock. As a reflex to her actions he pumped into her, grinding his pelvis into her, his hands gripping her thighs tightly, as he felt the first signs of his impending orgasm.

Soi became rigid underneath him and he thought she was holding her breath. Not certain, he was about to ask her if she wanted to stop, he felt her vagina grip him tightly and then spasm around him. This time he knew what was happening and thrust into her harder, wanting to fully experience the sensation this time. His mouth opened wide as he felt his climax overtake him, trying to prevent the yell he wanted to make, as his seed left his body.

After the few seconds he required to get his senses back he looked at Soi to see her looking at him the same way she had last time. Again he felt abashed at her scrutiny and hurriedly withdrew, lying down beside her.

"That was better than last time," was her unexpected remark.

"Yes, it was," Toshiro replied without thinking. "I wish I didn't have to leave tomorrow." He bit his lip, quickly understanding how revealing his last statement had been.

"You could ask for me as one of the members of the mission," Soi began.

"I thought of it, but it won't work. You promised to watch over Momo and the Captain-General said he only wanted one Captain,' he kissed her, again without thinking what he was doing.

For a brief second he felt Soi tense against him, but she returned his kiss. 'I hope that means you want to do it again," she remarked, one eyebrow raised as she looked at his cock.

Toshiro tried to explain. "I do, but I can't, not yet. I've already come three times today. Men are different to women. We have to wait until we can get erect again."

"Why? It seems silly to me." There was a tinge of disappointment in her words.

"That's just the way it is. If you sucked me, it might make it happen faster," he said knowing what the response would be.

"Suck your thing? Never. Why would I want to do that? I told you earlier that it wouldn't happen," Soi's expression showed her repulsion at the idea.

"That was licking, not sucking. Well, you could touch me instead, that might help." Considering her reaction to touching it earlier he didn't hold much hope that she would be prepared to do that either.

"Touch that? Isn't there anything else I can do?" Soi seemed torn between desire and fear and he could appreciate the conflict she was experiencing.

"I don't know. Why don't you think of something?" If she made the choice he couldn't be blamed.

Soi looked at his body and his face. Quickly her head moved and her mouth engulfed his right nipple. The sudden pressure made him jolt as she started to suck it, hard and fast. His cock jerked in response at the unfamiliar but arousing sensation. Her mouth was hot and her lips felt strong as they tugged at him, but he wondered why it was so exciting. It dawned on him that she had done this before, but he didn't care as she applied more pressure.

She switched to the other nub and licked it before applying a similar pressure. Her mouth was making him hard and he felt her hand move downwards to tentatively touch him. As soon as found he was erect, her hand was swiftly removed, as was her mouth to his disappointment. Without waiting for her demands he mimicked the way she had treated him and soon she was sighing heavily, and demanding that he make her come.

This time he tried to make it last, thinking it might be the last time he would have a chance to screw her until he returned. Soi complied for a little while as he sucked her breasts while fully penetrating her, but soon demanded that he move faster and encouraged by pushing onto him when he seemed about to slow. When they were once more lying quietly, panting almost in unison, Soi let out an exclamation and quickly got to her feet, washed and dressed. "I'm late. We'll meet here when you return from the mission. Don't worry about Momo; I will make sure that she is safe." She hurried out the door and Toshiro felt a strange pang when he realised she hadn't kissed him good bye.

Tiredly washing and replacing his clothes, he left the place as cautiously as he could, realising that Matsumoto might be waiting for him back in his office with the response from Captain Zaraki. As he walked through the streets he noticed one or two passers by look at him and smile. He did not smile in reply but opened his office door, only to find it empty. Sitting at his desk he applied his mind to the neglected paperwork, wondering why his lieutenant had not yet returned from her simple task.

Hearing a knock at the door, he answered it only to see Ikkaku Madarame standing there. "Captain Zaraki urgently requests your presence at his house, Sir," was the disturbing request.

"I only need his need his verbal agreement. I have other duties I must attend to before I leave tomorrow," Toshiro was not pleased to be summoned in this fashion.

"I must insist, Captain Hitsugaya. It involves your Lieutenant. I think you need to visit my Captain as soon as possible before the situation gets out of hand," Ikkaku implied some dire consequence and apprehensive at the range of possible problems that his mind created, Toshiro agreed. Ikkaku bowed and left.

Overhearing snippets of conversation on his way to the 11th Division compound, and being mindful of the brief message from Ikkaku, Toshiro dreaded what he was about to hear. Once again, his Lieutenant had disregarded a direct order. The consequences this time would be brought to bear on her; he would not be the only one who had to fix this situation.

Entering Zaraki's house, Toshiro quickly saw that the situation was worse than he thought. He was speaking as he opened the door and used that time to observe them, to see if the rumours were true. Matsumoto looked more satisfied than he had ever seen her, happier but also very untidy and her uniform did not seem to fit. Zaraki's hair was loose and he wasn't wearing his eye patch and he looked almost happy. That was chilling. They weren't touching and though they both denied any emotional entanglement, it was obvious to him that this was more than a purely sexual relationship. Why would Zaraki demand she be moved to his Division if she was only his sexual partner? Why was Matsumoto staring at Zaraki like that? If he didn't do something quickly, he might lose his Lieutenant, permanently, and though she irritated him beyond all reason, he liked and trusted her. She had proved her loyalty so often and they were friends. Making a quick decision, he ordered his Lieutenant to accompany him back to his office.

Without warning his temper rose. He'd told her, he'd warned her and again she had ignored him and become involved with that Captain. Walking back to his office his mind flooded with outraged thoughts. This was an ill advised liaison and he would try to give them time to come to their senses. He reprimanded her; insulted her in the way most calculated to shock her, by accusing her of wishing to sleep with all the Captains and then informed her that she was the final member of the party set to leave for the human world. He reasoned that if he removed Matsumoto now, this affair might not last the separation. As usual she seemed unaffected by the lecture, shocked at her inclusion in the mission and quickly left to be with her new lover for this last night.

Disgruntled, but not surprised, he completed the work he needed to do and when he was returning home he decided to visit Momo one more time, hoping she would at least be conscious so he could say good bye. Entering the room where she lay, he quickly walked to the bed and looked down at her sleeping face. His feelings had changed. He still loved this fragile girl, injured by the man she adored, who had ultimately tried to destroy her, but the love was that of compassion and friendship, nothing more. Quietly he stood there; the changes wrought in the last few weeks had made him reassess much in his life. Hearing the sound of someone entering the room silently he looked up to see Soi, staring at him in astonishment.

"Captain Hitsugaya. This is unexpected. May I speak to you outside, at once?" The words may have been phrased as a request, but it was evident that it was a command.

Speculating on what she might want, he followed her out of the room. As soon as he emerged from the doorway, Soi seized him by the coat and pulled him toward a door which she unlocked and dragged him inside and then locked the door behind them. The few seconds this required gave him time to observe where she had taken him; it was a linen room, where sheets and towels were kept. Soi quickly grabbed some off the shelf and threw them to the floor while he stood there. Grabbing his coat again, she tugged him to the makeshift mattress she had made and encouraged him to lie down in the cramped space. He opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head at him, sternly as she removed her hakama and became intent on removing his. He looked at her, her lower body naked while her upper half remained clothed and realised it was one of the most sexually charged sights he had seen. His cock, rousing when he saw her, was now rigid and pulsed with desire. He was nude from the waist down and she lay on her back, her hand straying to his cock, pulling it, using it to make him position himself above her. Not needing any further encouragement he quickly mounted her and pushed his erect cock inside her welcoming warmth.

"She touched me," he thought. "I thought she'd never do that.'

"Soi," he began, but she shook her head again, and pulled his mouth down to hers, whether because she wanted to kiss him, or to keep him quiet, he wasn't sure but her talented tongue began it's exploration of his mouth as she bucked strongly underneath him.

Instead of slow, this time their joining started fast and urgent, each of them encouraging the other frantic action, aware they were in a public place and would only have this chance for a short time. This proved to be only too true when they heard voices outside the door. Exchanging shocked looks, they stopped moving and listened, wondering if they would be discovered.

"Isane, as Assistant Captain Shuuhei is here to help me, could you please attend out patients. I think we will be busy in here for some time. If I need your help I will let you know." They heard footsteps leaving and then Captain Unohana spoke again. "Thank you for your help, Assistant Captain Shuuhei. I need to take some linen for mending and everyone seems to be busy. That's strange, the door is locked, but I'm sure I had a key in the lock."

"Darn it Retsu, you don't have to pretend, I've never heard a more transparent excuse. No one else is here. Come on, kiss me."

"I know it's night time and there aren't many visitors normally, but we are still in the hallway. Some one might walk past. I thought if I gave the excuse of sorting linen, which everyone hates, we might have some privacy. If you recall last time you visited me in my office, Iemura kept knocking on the door. It really made it..." her voice was cut off suddenly and the door seemed to shift a little on its hinges as two bodies were pressed against it.

"What? Captain Unohana and Assistant Captain Shuuhei? I can't believe it." Toshiro looked at Soi, who was looking rather amused at the overheard conversation.

"I left my keys in my office," Captain Unohana sounded a mite breathless. "Come with me, we'll get them and then…"

"This is stupid. I want you to meet me at 9th Division headquarters in 10 minutes. I've told everyone I'm off duty for the rest of the night, so no one will be there. If you refuse, then that's it. No more secret affair, no more trysts in your office. I want you for the night, not just a quick fuck when you can fit me in. You know you want me. Your nipples are erect, I can feel them against my palm and I bet you're damp and itching between your legs."

There was silence on the other side of the door. Soi pulled Toshiro's hands to her breasts and he noticed that her nipples were also erect and she was wet around him. He hoped that Captain Unohana would accede to Shuuhei's demands, because trying to stop his urge to thrust repeatedly into Soi meant that he would have to either withdraw or give in.

"10 minutes. I'll be there but you must keep your side of the bargain and make certain that no one is there," Captain Unohana's voice was unsteady.

The sound of retreating footsteps was like a signal and Toshiro began to fuck Soi with firm hard and fast thrusts. She went wild, clawing his back, pushing against him, wrapping her legs around him as she urged him on, with tense little whispers. By now Toshiro wouldn't have been able to stop if the door did open. He was so close and Soi was beginning to tighten around him. As she came, she muffled her moans against his neck. A few more pushes and he felt his sperm empty into her as he fought the urge to yell.

This time he withdrew and lay on his back without looking at her. His eyes were having difficulty focusing and that was when they were closed, whether they would work when he opened them, he wasn't sure.

Soi got to her feet and rearranged her clothes. "Thanks. See you when you get back," she said and left without any further comment or kiss.

"I **am **just a sex toy," Toshiro thought with a tinge of melancholy. "I wonder if she even likes me."

* * *

A.N. 

If you want more details about the conversation between Toshiro and Zaraki and Toshiro and Matsumoto it's in Chapter 2 of _Different Circumstances_.

Please review. As to an update, maybe. One possibility for another chapter crosses my mind.


	4. Lovers are not Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Lovers are not Friends**

It was a relief to return to the Seireitei. At last he could sleep in a bed instead of on the roof and he might actually get some decent food instead of the strange combinations served by the girl. He was surprised that she had turned traitor, but he didn't analyse the situation too much. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't, but arguing with the Captain-General was a waste of oxygen.

The time in the human world had not tempered his Lieutenant's feelings. He would often catch her with a sultry, almost stunned look on her face and knew she was thinking about Captain Zaraki. She never mentioned him to Toshiro, but did try, once, to return to the Seireitei for a short time. He was very sharp with her; he wanted to return home also, but was trapped on this mission. Many times he'd almost asked her for advice on a personal matter, but each time he'd faltered, not certain he'd want to hear her response. He couldn't ask anyone else on the mission, only Matsumoto knew the situation. Each failed attempt made him more reluctant to formulate the words and ask the question.

When he saw whom the Captain-General had sent as insurance that they would return, he immediately looked at Matsumoto. Her eyes were fixed feverishly on Captain Zaraki, first hopefully, then with increasing disquiet. He noticed that the Captain did not even glance in her direction. Damn it. Another agonising period when Matsumoto moped and failed to concentrate on her tasks as she mourned her lost love. Crap. He wished he hadn't delegated the task of getting Zaraki's consent for Ikkaku and Yumichika to join the mission to his Lieutenant. If she hadn't interrupted that Captain's bath… but she had and it was too far after the event to change anything.

At least it was over quickly and he no longer needed to worry about losing her. That was one small win.

Entering his world once more, he began to walk to his office, knowing he would have to meet with the Captain General shortly. He wanted time, quiet time when he could sort through his thoughts and reflect on his next task. His cock reminded him that he also wanted to see Soi, but he tried to ignore the increasing urges. He began to turn, thinking he would converse with Matsumoto while they walked to their compound but he heard running footsteps approach which paused for a few seconds and then continued. "I'll return your lieutenant later, Captain Hitsugaya," Zaraki yelled as he ran past. He was carrying a highly delighted Matsumoto in his arms.

"Bring her back, Zaraki! We have to meet with the Captain-General," Toshiro yelled at the back which was swiftly moving away.

"I won the bet, Yumichika. Pay up," Ikkaku said from behind Toshiro.

"I was sure he'd wait until the debriefing was over," Yumichika said.

"I think the debriefing is just beginning," Ikkaku chortled. His delight was obvious from his expression and laughter.

Toshiro groaned. Not only did he now have to explain the absence of his lieutenant, Zaraki's third seat was making bad puns about it. He'd heard enough bad jokes from these two already and did not relish the thought of having more inflicted on his abused ears.

"I don't think we'll see either of them for a few days, if I know our Captain. His hard on was obvious when he arrived. I almost bet you he'd just grab her and run as soon as he saw her. I've never seen him so worked up about a woman." Ikkaku sounded envious and pleased. "I wish a woman would look at me the way Ran looks at our Captain. She was undressing him with her eyes. I wonder who is keener."

"Why were you looking at his hard on? Have you got the hots for our Captain?" Yumichika seemed amused by the thought. "I wouldn't have thought he was your type."

"I was looking because of our bet, jerk. I hope my report didn't upset him too much," Ikkaku said, consternation evident in his voice.

Toshiro spun around. "You didn't include the incident between Matsumoto and Ichigo, did you? If so, I think I might go to the Captain-General's right now, where it may possibly be safe. Hell knows what your Captain might do if he hears she raised her skirt, no matter how slightly, to someone else."

"I think she'll talk him around. Come on, Captain. Have you ever seen Captain Zaraki like this before? You saw the two of them together, how they tried to pretend there's nothing there. I began to hide from Ran while we were away because she kept asking questions about my Captain. Whenever I spoke to him he didn't want to know about anything except her."

Toshiro bit his lip. He remembered the pain she'd suffered when Gin had dumped her, the tears, the drinking, the times she'd hugged him close, for comfort, for reassurance. He'd tolerated the embraces, knowing they were not in any way sexual, but more of a need for physical contact. That had changed suddenly; Matsumoto altered for the worse. For a long time she hadn't hugged him, she'd actually flinched when he came too close. He'd asked Captain Unohana about it, but she'd told him nothing. Matsumoto stopped eating and drank even more, often bursting into tears for no reason. Her friends supported her, and eventually she calmed down, decreased her dependence on alcohol and even managed a smile every so often. He'd heard a rumour about his Lieutenant and Renji Abarai, but there seemed no evidence to support it. Maybe it was better that she was involved with Zaraki. Everyone knew Renji Abarai was in love with the Rukia.

Kenpachi Zaraki was an enigma to Toshiro. Brutal, shrewd and so very strong. Thug was the word often used to describe him and Toshiro did not see any reason to question that term. Would a relationship with Matsumoto change him?

"Hey, Captain Hitsugaya. I've got a bet for you," Ikkaku interrupted his thoughts.

"I don't take bets," Toshiro said dismissively. He didn't want to get too involved in their complex bet making. He'd heard about some of the rewards for winning a bet and they weren't always monetary.

"You'll take this one. I bet that my Captain asks your Lieutenant to move in with him," Ikkaku grinned, gauging Toshiro's reaction.

"I will not permit that." That outcome would be bad, but he could think of worse and didn't want to allow those thoughts to pass through his mind. "You both better come with me and we'll go and see the Captain-General now to provide your views. Why couldn't your Captain have waited? I wanted Matsumoto with me."

Yumichika and Ikkaku laughed at the question. "Our Captain wait? You've got to be kidding. He doesn't have much patience and I wouldn't be patient if it was Ran I was screwing." Ikkaku smiled lecherously.

"What did you get up to with that girl in the human world?" Toshiro's curiosity was sparked at the look. He'd seen them together a few times and she seemed rather taken with the bald man.

The grimace that crossed Ikkaku's face made Yumichika laugh. "Nothing. He got a few kisses and a few hugs, but with her brother around all the time what could he do? The kid, Keigo, is so touchy feely. I actually wondered if he was coming onto me at one time when he hugged me, but I realised he has a thing about Ichigo and Orihime. I'm pretty sure he hasn't worked out what he is yet, or which one he wants more," Yumichika slapped Ikkaku on the shoulder. "You weren't serious about the girl; but now we're back you can pursue your main target."

"I don't want to know," Toshiro said, refusing to look at either of the men walking with him. "Let me keep my state of blissful ignorance. Is everyone in the Seireitei obsessed with sex?"

"Yeah, of course we are. When we're not fighting, training, drinking, eating or sleeping, what else is there to do?" Ikkaku stretched his arms above his head, rotating his shoulders.

"Paperwork," Toshiro replied without thinking.

Entering the office of the 1st Division Captain, Toshiro bowed slightly and stood in his accustomed place, resolutely keeping his eyes fixed ahead of him, not glancing toward Soi. He suddenly understood why Captain Zaraki had not looked at Matsumoto when he arrived. If he looked at Soi now, he might not be able to remain focused. He nodded slightly at Renji and Rukia who arrived looking flustered and angry and they waited until Captain Yamamoto spoke.

"Where are Lieutenant Rangiku and Captain Zaraki? They were meant to be here also." The Captain-General sounded displeased.

Toshiro felt he had to explain, but did not know what to say.

"I saw the Captain abduct the Lieutenant when they returned. I believe she was willing as she made no protest," Captain Kuchiki provided the dry response.

Toshiro bit the inside of his cheek in an effort to keep his expression neutral. There were a few whispered comments exchanged between the assembled Shinigami and he supposed they were all looking at him, amused that his Lieutenant was taken from him without any problem.

"Why didn't you prevent this, Captain Hitsugaya? You should exercise control over your adjunct," Captain Yamamoto looked piercingly at Toshiro.

"He wouldn't have a chance. We all know how fast Captain Zaraki can move and trying to prevent him would have been asking for death or severe injury," Soi said determinedly.

Toshiro felt shock as she spoke in his defence. Maybe she did like him, or felt sorry for him.

"I think the Captain can answer for himself, Captain Fong. Captain Hitsugaya your answer, please." The 'please' may have been uttered, but there was no mistaking the command in the old man's voice.

"I didn't have a chance to stop him. He grabbed her and was gone before I knew what was happening," Toshiro blurted out, embarrassed at making the admission. "I tried to talk her out of having a liaison with Captain Zaraki, but she wouldn't listen to me. I took her to the human world to give them time apart but that had no effect. What do you suggest I do, Sir? Challenge the Captain? Lock up my Lieutenant? They're both adults."

"I tried to advise Captain Zaraki of the imprudence of his actions but he threatened me with violence. It was foolish of me to expect any other response," Captain Kuchiki's voice was dour while his expression remained neutral.

"Leave the matter with me," Captain Yamamoto said in a voice that augured no good for Captain Zaraki. "I expect a full explanation of the events in the human world. Captain Hitsugaya, you make your report first."

Toshiro reeled off the facts as quickly as he could, answering the questions, expanding on the problems they'd encountered while fighting the Arrancar. He did not mention Orihime, there seemed little point and the part she played was minor, healing injuries, making disgusting meals and carrying messages to Ichigo.

The rest of his party had to provide their verbal reports and it took some time with many questions, clarifications and confirmations being requested. Toshiro had trouble following the meeting, his mind constantly straying to thoughts of the woman at whom he dared not look. Finally he heard the Captain-General say, "I expect your written reports tomorrow. Make sure they contain all the information discussed during this meeting. It's disappointing that we did not obtain more data, but we will work with what we have. I would like to congratulate Captain Hitsugaya on the conduct of his mission while in the human world. You are all dismissed."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Toshiro hurried toward the door, intending to go to the place he normally met Soi. A hand grabbed his elbow as he walked past. "Is it true that your Lieutenant is fucking Captain Zaraki," Captain Kurotsuchi demanded the paint on his face masking his expression.

"He advised me that this was the case. I do not believe I am answerable to you on this matter, Captain. Release my elbow. I'm tired and I now have to write a report." Toshiro tugged his arm from the clutching grasp.

"Why did you let her? You should know it's dangerous to become involved with that man. She doesn't know what she's doing. What if I…. Why is she so foolish?" Captain Kurotsuchi exclaimed, obviously agitated by the news.

Pulling free, Toshiro left, wondering what was upsetting the Captain of the 12th Division so much. He didn't like the feel of the man's hand on his arm or being near the guy. Did he ever clean his teeth? Or use a mouthwash?

He was waylaid a few times as he tried to walk speedily through the streets; people eager to greet him or ask about the mission or demand confirmation that his Lieutenant and Captain Zaraki were now an item. "Maybe I should get someone to publish it in the newsletter," he thought wearily. "That's it. I'm going over the roofs, away from the throng." Even above the crowd he still met people who felt the need to talk to him. Every time he stopped, his cock protested, but he knew that persistence was in the nature of the Shinigami, otherwise none of them would have graduated from the Academy.

Finally, he entered the deserted backstreets near the place he thought of as theirs and quickly entered. The room contained the furniture, but no evidence of Soi. His spirits dropped. "I was expecting too much. Why would she be waiting here? I ignored her all through the meeting and she's probably irritated with me. Maybe if I wait a little while, she'll turn up." He lay on the bed, stretching out, feeling the comfort of the mattress beneath him and fell asleep.

Waking an hour later with a start, he wondered where he was. Sitting up, he saw that he was still alone. Cursing under his breath, disappointment grinding him down, he decided to leave and return to his own quarters for sleep. Waiting here was pointless. Soi would not arrive now.

As he left, he noticed the streets were much quieter and he was only interrupted once. He tried to stay pleasant but his frustration was growing. He'd have to masturbate and soon. For some reason he had been reluctant to do so earlier, but now knew that he could not put it off for much longer. Entering his quarters, he shrugged off his Captain's coat and dropped it on the floor. He was too tired and horny to worry about his clothes. Stripping the rest of his uniform off, he dropped the items as he removed them and walked into his bedroom. Preoccupied as he was, he had not noticed the presence of someone else's reiatsu, but as soon as went through the door he noticed someone was in his bed.

Hoping he knew who it was, he pulled back the sheet to reveal a naked, sleeping Soi, curled on her side, a hand under the pillow, the other clutched to her chest. Toshiro dropped on the bed, wondering if he should wake her, and if he did, how should he wake her? If he touched her she might react with instinctive violence. Viewing her like this he conjectured that if he had seen her walking down the street in front of him, would he have reacted like Zaraki had with Matsumoto? Would he have been driven to picking her up and carrying her off for sex?

"I hope that's for me," Soi said thickly. He looked at her, amazed at how quickly she had awoken and noticed her eyes were fixed on his erection.

Instead of answering her, he lay down and kissed her, wishing to feel her lithe body in his arms. She responded to the kiss, pressing her body against his and their tongues intertwined.

"What do you want me to do first?" Toshiro asked, wondering which form of stimulation she would demand.

"Fuck me, now. I've been waiting for you for the last hour and I kept having dreams," Soi was nothing, if not direct.

Toshiro felt his cock twitch at her request and he hurried to comply. Soi's parted her legs and as he knelt between them he felt her hand take his cock and urgently guide him inside her. He thrust in hard and fast and she pushed her cunt down on his penis at the same time. Closing his eyes he let his senses be overwhelmed by the feel of her slick, taut walls around his cock.

"Hard and fast, Toshiro," Soi urged him, bucking against him as he remained immobile. "Come on, I've had no sex while you were gone. Even masturbating didn't help much."

Toshiro pushed into her urgently, her request meeting his desire. He wanted hard and fast too but mostly he wanted her.

Soi clung to him, urging him on with her moans and her movements. She was wilder than she had been in the past, biting at him, kissing him passionately and meeting his thrusts with her own. A few seconds later he felt her cunt squeezing his cock, but he wasn't ready to come and continued to thrust into her as she screamed loudly, her body pushing against his as she orgasmed.

She lay quiet under him for a short time while he continued to screw her and then pulled his head down as she bit his earlobe. "More," she whispered. "I want you to make me come again, fast. You owe me. You fucked me and made me want this and you now have to keep me contented."

The words spurred him on. Sweat was running down his back as he fought to prevent his orgasm from overtaking him. His cock felt like a piston moving in and out of her rhythmically. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and closed her eyes as she pushed onto him.

"I can't hold back, but I want to hold back. I want her to come again while I'm fucking her. How can I do that? She seems to be enjoying it, but how can I get her closer to coming? They didn't provide that sort of training in the Academy. What do I do? Fuck, this is hard," he almost laughed at his thoughts. Fuck, he was hard.

He kissed Soi hard, his tongue invading her mouth as he tried to think of ways to hold off his climax and realised his mistake. Her kiss brought him closer to the brink. He broke the kiss quickly and tried to think of something else. Then he remembered seeing the red marks on his Lieutenant's neck after she'd been with Zaraki. Maybe is he licked her neck it might help. Tentatively he bent down and licked her neck a little, just very quickly. Soi did not complain so he did it again all the time pushing into her. She seemed pretty unaffected by the attention he was paying to her neck, so he decided to try sucking her skin. At least this was taking his focus away from his increasingly urgent need to come.

As he applied a little more pressure he felt Soi jerk under him. "Harder," she insisted. He was unsure which she wanted, but decided that it would be more logical is she was asking him to screw her harder. Giving up on his ability to excite her by sucking her neck he pounded into her, knowing it would only take a minute of this to make him come.

Soi clutched him tightly and with relief he felt her coming just as he reached the moment he knew he could hold on no longer. He closed his eyes tightly as he emptied inside her. When he recovered his senses he wondered if he should withdraw or remain inside her, and decided that he should withdraw. He hoped she didn't have an urgent appointment this time because it was evident he'd want her again, soon.

Lying on his back, his brain hazed from the sex, he thought he'd ask her the question that had niggled at him in the human world. He remembered all the failed attempts in asking Matsumoto, but now he decided Soi would understand. Soi knew his position, knew the importance of his friendship with Momo and he respected her common sense.

"Soi, do you think I should ask Momo to marry me? It might make her feel safer if she…." He stopped as she sat up and glared at him. She almost leapt off the bed and dressed, leaving without another word and slamming the door shut behind her.

Toshiro groaned as he realised the stupid thing he'd done. Why hadn't he thought it through? The sex had relaxed him and made him forgo his judgement so that he'd enquired on the spur of the moment. Maybe he could ask Matsumoto how he could fix this.

* * *

A.N.

Future plot development dictated the lapse of judgment for Toshiro.

This time of year makes life difficult. Parties, acting human, singing karaoke etc take up time. Updates will be infrequent. That's just how it is.

Review please.


	5. Friends are not Lovers

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Friends Are Not Lovers**

"Men are stupid. Boys are stupid. The segment of the human race that is male is so dumb I'm surprised that it can remember to breathe. But they don't need to remember; it's an automatic reflex. Of all the stupid people in the Seireitei, Toshiro Hitsugaya is the most idiotic, foolish, fuckable one. Crap. I didn't mean to think that. Fuck him. No, I can't do that now. I waited all this time for him to return, wanting sex and he asks me that question. What did he think I was there for? Advice on how he could get the little twit to agree to marry him? She still won't shut up about her wonderful Captain Aizen and that it's all a mistake on the part of the Gotei 13. She even suggested he left because of the persecution he was suffering at the hands of the Captain-General; or that it was Ichimaru's idea and he'd blackmailed Aizen into agreeing to go to Las Noches. Hearing her gush on about Aizen makes me want to throttle that female cretin. What part of nearly being killed by him did she miss? Does she imagine that someone hypnotised him into doing it? She even suggested that it was someone pretending to be her Captain who stabbed her. How delusional can she be? It will only get worse when Toshiro finally tells her she's carrying the traitor's child. She'll keep it, no matter what, even if it kills her. I can imagine the sentimental drivel she'll utter, something about it being the ultimate proof of their love. I don't even want to think what that combination of genes will produce. Why did Captain Unohana struggle so hard to save the child? But then she didn't know who the father was, no one did until Ran told her Captain. I don't think there were that many candidates who could be the father. Maybe Toshiro should marry Momo; that would be a suitable punishment for him. Married to someone so completely in love with another person that the marriage would be hell, but he deserves it. Did he even think before he opened his mouth? That's the problem, I should have kept his mouth busy pleasing me and not given him a chance to talk. All the time he was away I visited that pain every day and listened to her twitter on, while she paid no attention to anything, or anyone else. Whatever Aizen did to her must have really twisted her brain, or was she like this before? I could ask Toshiro…. Why do I keep thinking of that stupid, pretty boy? Shit. I was looking forward to him returning, I wanted to fuck him for hours and now I'm furious with him. I know, I'll go back, gag him, bind him and blindfold him and then fuck him until he can't get hard anymore. That's what I want to do. The only problem with that is I like watching his eyes glow and become a deeper green when he's inside me. And I enjoy it when his mouth is pleasuring me, kissing me. I'd want to look into his eyes and kiss him while I screwed him." Soi was walking without thinking about where she was headed. She looked up and noticed she was outside the place where she and Toshiro had met to honour their agreement. Scowling, she opened the door and went inside. The bed was disarranged and then she realised where he had been while she had waited for him. The only reason she had gone to his quarters was she thought he might return there first but he had been here, waiting for her. She lay on the bed, noticing the faint scent of his hair on the pillow and curled up as small as she could.

"I thought I had my sex life settled. Regular sex with a fellow Captain, who was only interested in the pleasure and did not want a permanent liaison. It wasn't like it was anything more than a convenient arrangement for both of us. I know he enjoyed the sex. He didn't try to argue at 4th Division when I dragged him into the linen closet. I wonder if Unohana and Hisagi are still an item. I suppose I better go and check on the apple of Toshiro's eye. I didn't realise how much I disliked her until he asked my advice about marrying her. Now I hate her and her stupidity. I don't care if Aizen hypnotised her, she should have enough sense to now realise that the guy is a traitor and a murderer, no matter how she tries to twist the facts. I hope she's asleep, because if she starts talking to me about Aizen, I'll probably strangle her."

Reluctantly rising to her feet, Soi went to visit Momo, hoping she would be able to shield her emotion from the girl. "I don't think she'd notice how I felt about her unless I told her. She's oblivious to anyone except herself and her interests and poor misunderstood Aizen and that makes me wonder if she was always like this."

Entering the room she looked at the still figure lying in the bed. Captain Unohana was reluctant to allow her to return to her division until she was told of her pregnancy and was also awaiting her full recovery. The Captain had mentioned to Soi once that she was extremely concerned at how Momo failed to respond to the treatment. Briefly she had mentioned that she was developing some new therapies, treatments and drugs that could be used to help the Lieutenant, but these were still in development and the fear of damage to the foetus added an extra layer of complexity.

Asleep, Momo looked young but sorely troubled. Her eyes were still heavily shadowed and her mouth curved downward sadly. Previously her face had made Soi feel some compassion, but now that emotion was overcome by other, harsher feelings, none of them kind. None of the people she had set to watch Momo had noticed any strange visitors and she decided that now Toshiro was back, she would cease her surveillance. He could take care of the girl; she had no further interest in the matter. The face on the pillow aroused no feeling in her breast except anger. Damn, she wished she'd had a chance to screw Toshiro again.

In the back of her mind she knew her reason for visiting Momo was she hoped to see Toshiro again, even though she was furious with him. Her anger was raging strongly within her and she almost left, worried that she would see Toshiro, fearful she would not. All the thoughts were below the surface and she would not admit them to herself.

A movement near the door caught her eye. Glancing in the direction she saw Captain Hitsugaya looking at her, a spark of hope and astonishment on his face. With a few strides he was next to her, grabbing the edge of her coat in his hand as he whispered, "Excuse me, Captain, we need to talk."

Seeing him in the context of what she'd been thinking created a conflict within her. She was still furious with him, so angry that she wanted to fight him, possibly kill him, but she also wanted to fuck him immediately. The warring feelings made her resist a little as he pulled her from the room and to the linen closet. This time the door was locked and there was no key. Toshiro tried the next door, but a patient lay in the bed. Soi started to smile as the humour in the situation became evident. He tried the next door, but that too was occupied. Giving up, he held her against the wall and kissed her on the mouth, pushing his body against hers. She felt warmth spread between her thighs at the touch of his mouth and while she still resented the question he'd asked and wanted to punish him for his words, her hunger for his body outweighed her other desires.

"I have the key," she whispered to him. She'd made a copy while he was away, anticipating that she might want to use the linen closet one day. It was her turn to grab his coat, drag him to the linen closet door, unlock it and turn the handle. She met some resistance as she tried to open the door.

"I'm sorry, Isane. We're busy counting linen," Captain Unohana's voice said quietly. Her breath was not quite steady.

"Um, yeah," said Hisagi, breathing heavily. There was the sound of a slight scuffle within the room and the door began to close, pushed from the other side.

"Come back in 20 minutes. The linen is all over the floor and we can't open the door," Captain Unohana said and then her words were abruptly cut off and Soi could hear the light sound of mouth meeting flesh.

Soi looked at Toshiro's face, registered his look of dismay and had to control her urge to giggle. Shutting and locking the door behind her, she wondered what to do next. Toshiro took her hand and hurried her out of the building to the darkest area he could find outside. He began to kiss her passionately, grinding his groin against her own.

"Not here," she urged him. "We can get to the place in a few minutes if we hurry."

"I don't want to wait a few minutes," he said, his breathing as heavy as Hisagi's had been. "Now."

"No."

"Please." His hands were on her back drawing her close and she began to weaken.

"No," escaping from his hands she began to shun-po toward the place she had visited only recently. Glancing over her shoulder she saw he was following her closely and she tried to move faster, urgency now overtaking her.

Arriving at the place she entered and was quickly removing her clothes. A few seconds later Toshiro arrived, his shirt half undone. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could utter a word she shook her head.

"I'm not talking to you about anything except sex and the sex is only for tonight because I want it. If you say a single word about anything else I'll leave," she was disrobing as she talked, and now naked, moved close to her fellow Captain, kissing his mouth which was hanging open. She knew the kiss might reduce the impact of her words but she wanted to feel his mouth on hers again.

"This is the last time we'll be together. You can marry Momo," she spat the name out with disgust at the way it felt on her tongue, "but I'm not getting involved with someone who is in another relationship ever again. I don't love you, but I don't want to share you either. For tonight you're mine, but tomorrow we'll be distant acquaintances again. Don't bother arguing with me," she said as he opened his mouth again, "you caused this. You have a choice: sex with me tonight or not. Don't invite me to the wedding." As she spoke she finished stripping the youth and pulled him over to the bed.

"The whole night?" Toshiro asked with hope in his voice as he lay on the bed. His hands were pulling her close and he sighed as her skin touched his.

"The whole night, unless you want to leave." Soi had not planned on that length of time, and the idea of sleeping with him did not appeal too much. She wanted the sex, as much sex as he could give her and he'd need to sleep at some stage.

Without any further comment, he slid down between her legs and pushing them apart began to lick her avidly, using all the tricks she had taught him to excite her. At first he avoided her clitoris, licking around it, teasing her with his tongue as he drew near, and then moved a little away. Very occasionally he would graze part of it with his tongue, making her want more, but giving her the time to enjoy the tantalising feeling at the same time. Soi relaxed and let the sensation overwhelm her. Why had he asked that stupid question? He was so good at this and she'd trained him so well and now he was going to do this to bloody Momo. Blocking that thought she felt her desire for him grow. He was now sucking her, concentrating more on her clit and she found she was pushing against his mouth. Her breath was in ragged gasps and the sound acted like it was a signal to Toshiro who began to suck her clit and she came, unconsciously locking her legs around his head as she did so.

She felt him push her legs off his shoulders and opening her eyes she saw his eyes intent upon her as if gauging what she would want now. She released his head and gestured at her breasts, unwilling to talk to him again, wishing to distance him and return him to sex toy status when he was unimportant and only useful for bringing her pleasure. Not saying anything he began to tongue her nipples, sucking her breasts and exciting her once more. She looked and saw his pink tongue encircling one of her nipples and shuddered at the excitement he was causing her. Why had he asked that question?

"Please Soi, more than one night. Tomorrow night as well." Noticing her reaction to his ministrations he was obviously trying to persuade her into prolonging the sex.

She was lost in pleasure as he spoke, his tongue was licking softly then harder and then he would quickly suck the nipple before returning to tonguing them. He hadn't tried that technique before and it was very good. She felt her determination waver as he continued. "No," she managed to say. "Tonight only."

His hand slid down between her thighs and stroked her slowly, the gentle arousing touch she enjoyed, as he continued to lick her breasts, making her hips lift to feel his touch. "Tomorrow, please, even if you only let me bring you pleasure."

Soi wanted to lose her temper and tell him to stop but she was enjoying him and the way he was touching her. He was lucky to be allowed tonight; tomorrow she wanted her life to return to normal and that meant no lovers, especially cute males who had pretty green eyes and an aptitude for pleasuring her. "No," she managed to groan even though her body was begging her to say 'yes'.

He slid up her body until he was nearly penetrating her and kissed her demandingly on her lips. "Do you want me to fuck you, Soi? I know you want me to make you come again and you like it when we fuck. If you agree to tomorrow night, I'll make you come now. I'll screw you until you're satisfied and then I'll lick you again. Soi, Soi, I want you." His plea was impassioned and she could feel the head of his cock poised to thrust into her.

"Fuck me and I'll let you know," Soi temporised afraid that if he didn't start soon she would give in. It would have been easier if she hadn't visited that airhead and bumped into him.

He edged the head inside her, just for a second and then as she was about to push onto him, he withdrew. "Tomorrow night." The tone of command was evident in his voice. It was a reminder that he knew his power as a Captain, but she had the same power.

"No. If you're going to try to manipulate me, then forget it. Leave now," Soi forced her lips to form the words. Maybe another night would be a good idea, she really wanted the sex.

Surprising her, Toshiro thrust into her fully. Her eyes opened from their slit status and she noticed his eyes watching her intently as he built into a steady rhythm of taking her. His hands cupped her buttocks, pulling her closer to him and she moved, responding to his body. "Tomorrow," he demanded again. "I want you today and tomorrow and longer. You want me too."

"Not that much," she lied pushing onto him feeling her orgasm approach. If only he would be quiet, she could concentrate on the pleasure.

"You do, otherwise we wouldn't be here together. You would have told me to get lost in the hallway." Toshiro sounded confident. "You wouldn't have visited Momo."

The accuracy of his claim angered her and she retorted sharply, "Shut up. You're here for sex, nothing else." Soi was fuming. He should be concentrating on giving her pleasure, not trying to make conversation.

The next thing she knew, Toshiro was kissing her and moving into her hard and fast, taking her closer to orgasm. She forgot her anger, and let the sensation overwhelm her as her heart rate increased and her focus was on the movement of their bodies and the way he made her feel.

"Okay, tomorrow," she gasped and then came, as he thrust into her once more.

"Tomorrow," he repeated as he shuddered, his eyes closing as his body emptied into hers.

When she opened her eyes he was gazing at her. "You agreed to tomorrow. I'm holding you to that because I know you won't break your word."

"Don't ask for another day or I will kill you," she warned him, seriously. It was not just the sex that made her agree, but she wanted to break with him before anything further changed in their lives. "You can't ask Momo to marry you tomorrow or the deal is off. Don't talk about it any further or I will leave now," she said as he opened his mouth.

"I won't be seeing Momo tomorrow. I need to spend the day advising my Division about the Arrancar. They need to know," he had hesitated after mentioning Momo by name as if thinking about discussing something else.

"In the afternoon you will come and talk to my Division," Soi directed him firmly. "Think of it as the reason I am granting you tomorrow night, a form of payment. If you mention Momo again tonight or tomorrow I will leave. I do not want to hear her name from you again." She pushed him off her body and sat up, trying to decide if she would leave or stay.

Toshiro kissed her again before she could decide, his hands pulling her close, holding her near but not trying to excite her. Closing her eyes she allowed the kiss to continue, admitting it was a sign of weakness that she wanted to feel his lips on hers.

The day after tomorrow she would begin her celibate life again. She wanted to have sex and did not want to forego that pleasure, even if it wasn't with Toshiro, but finding a willing partner would be problematic. For now she would kiss him, touch his tongue with her own, let her hands touch the skin of his back, embrace him and arouse him. Her hands had slipped lower than his back and were now moving to touch his thing.

Toshiro jumped as her hand came into contact with that particular muscle and he tried to pull away from the kiss but her other hand was on the back of his head, and the kiss continued.

She let her hand play with his thing until it became hard and then she pushed him onto his back, moving to sit astride him, her mouth still on his. She tried to take him inside her, but he pulled away, removing his lips from hers. "What are you doing?"

"I want to be on top. I don't see why you have to be on top all the time. It's my turn and you won't argue or you can leave," the situation explained, Soi continued to push onto him, wanting the pleasure from him.

Toshiro gulped and watched as she slowly impaled herself on him. "I like this. It feels good," he gasped as soon as he was fully inserted.

"Yes," she said. It did feel good.

His hands moved to her hips, encouraging her to move and she began to slide up and down on him, learning how to control the movements. She fixed her eyes on his, watching them become sultry and intense as his excitement grew. His eyes were moving from her face to her breasts and downward where he could obviously see his cock disappearing inside her. Toshiro licked his lips as he watched, drawing her attention to his mouth, where his pink lips seemed to invite the touch of her own. Bending forward, she kissed him but found it was difficult to keep the movement going while she kissed him. Opting for the most pleasure she stopped kissing him and pulled his hands to her breasts, encouraging him to caress them while she continued to fuck him. He did so with enthusiasm and skill, making the experience more erotic and pleasurable. As she became more used to the movement, she found she was enjoying it more and more until she was quivering in orgasm and felt him respond with his own.

She quickly removed her body from his and lay down, thinking feverishly. "This isn't right. The more times I screw him, the more I want sex. I thought if I had enough sex, I would want it less, but it seems that I want it more. Should I stay tonight? Should I meet him tomorrow night? Or would that mean I'll want more sex? Why did I listen to him and try to help him in the first place? He's being very quiet. What is he planning? Another demand for more time? Other ways to make me change my mind and agree to continue meeting."

Underneath her lashes, she glanced at Toshiro to see his eyes were closed and his face relaxed. His breathing was even and he did not seem to register her movement when she shifted on the bed to look at him more closely. She touched his arm gently and he only shifted, moving closer to her but he did not show any other sign of acknowledgement.

"Damned man. He's fallen asleep already," Soi thought. For a short time she thought of waking him, but remembered that he would probably not be able to perform if he was tired. If she gave him an hours rest he might be ready to make her come again and that was worth the 60 minute wait. Moving to the other side of the bed so she did not have to come in contact with his body while he slept, she decided to think about things and closed her eyes, preparing to review the events of the day, and decide what work was necessary to complete tomorrow, but it was not to be. She too succumbed to sleep.

Waking, she found Toshiro lying on his side, an arm stretched across her body, his face near her shoulder. Her hand was holding onto his arm and she was horrified. Why was he embracing her while he slept? Why was she touching him in return? That seemed wrong. From the light outside it was full morning and she had early meetings organised. With an exclamation of disgust, Soi pushed Toshiro's arm off her body and rose, dressing with speed as she prepared to return to her division.

"Wake up, Toshiro. It's morning. You had the night with me, but didn't do much with it," her voice was cold as she tried to mask her disappointment.

Toshiro stretched, his arms rising above his head and his mouth opening in a yawn. She watched him, her eyes drawn unwillingly to admire the play of his muscles as he moved and noticed he was once again erect. As he opened his eyes he caught sight of her and smiled sleepily. "Soi. Kiss me before you go. Just a quick peck," he urged as he noticed her hesitation.

"No. Be at my Division at 2.00 ready to instruct them about the Arrancar. At 9.00 we'll meet here. Don't be late and don't fall asleep. I'm really frustrated by last night." She left quickly, refusing to look again at the rumpled bed and his naked body. To look would mean she wanted to touch and that could lead to a delay in arriving at her destination.

* * *

A.N.

Delays due to internet, chapter and brain malfunction.

Please read and review. The next chapter will be a little less fun.


	6. The Price of Friendship

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

This takes place immediately after Chapter 4 and the first section runs mostly parallel to Chapter 5.

**The Price of Friendship**

Toshiro lay in bed, still trying to frantically think of a solution to the problem he had unwittingly and unwillingly caused.

When he was in the human world he'd had time to think about Momo and her situation. When he had seen her on the screen, after she had awoken, he had been shocked at how unwell she looked. The dark circles around her eyes, her disorientation and her listless manner, except when she was talking about Aizen, worried him. He was unsure if this was caused by her condition or her near brush with death and he felt an instinctive need to protect her and feared how she would react to the news about her pregnancy. She had always relied upon someone, even though she denied it, and now she might need strong support to adjust to the newest shock and he decided that if he offered her marriage she might accept. That way he could watch over her more closely, and if they married soon he could pretend to others that the child was his.

He didn't really want to marry Momo, he didn't think he wanted to marry anyone, but it was the right thing, the honourable thing, to do. Their marriage would work, based on their long friendship and understanding of each other. It might never be consummated, or it would take some time before Toshiro would want to touch Momo sexually but that wasn't important. He'd wait until the child was born, providing she wanted to keep it, and then would see what happened. Maybe then he could view her with desire, but now, she seemed more like his sister than a potential lover. Since he had experienced sex with Soi, he viewed Momo in a different light. After marriage, maybe desire would return.

It occurred to him that even if he asked her to marry him, Momo might reject him. Her obsession with Aizen remained, he'd noticed that, it would be impossible to ignore. It might be possible to ignore if she didn't wake up, or speak when he went to visit her. But then she might want even the façade of marriage to provide a layer of protection for Aizen's bastard. Rathe than think about this, he should go and see her, but that would mean leaving his bed and getting dressed. He wanted to remain where he was, remembering how it had felt to fuck Soi in his bed, how her skin felt against his own, her response, the pleasure he'd experienced before he'd opened his mouth, but the memory made him long for her. He'd hoped to drift to sleep with the erotic images playing through his mind, but each time he allowed the memories to overwhelm him, he'd remember that she'd left, furious with him. Reflecting on his choices, he rose and dressed. In his state of mind it was unlikely that he'd sleep.

Soi had been hurt by his question; that was obvious. He hadn't meant to hurt her, just ask an opinion and he was asking her because he couldn't ask Matsumoto. It seemed odd that it had upset her so much. All they met for was to have sex; that was the agreement and she had reminded him many times that it was a mutual agreement. They both knew that this was not long term. He had never expected it to last this long and he was grateful to Soi for protecting Momo and initiating him into sex. There was no doubt in his mind that he had been fortunate that she had been his first sexual experience and she had taught him how to please a woman. He didn't want it to be over, not for a long time, but the expression on her face convinced him that she was livid with him and he had made an error from which it would be difficult to recover.

"I'll go and see Momo. I still haven't managed to see her awake as yet and I'd like to see how she is, generally, when I talk to her. I know there is no chance of seeing Soi there, not now. The agreement is over, I broke it. If only there was a chance I could feel her body under mine once more. Damn my mouth. I don't want to think about this anymore or I'll irritate myself even more. We could have just kept fucking each other without any problems and each time I have her, my desire for her increases. Now I'm hard again and I don't want to masturbate. Sex is better than masturbation and I want to remember how she felt when I was deep inside her. Touching my cock would not be as satisfying and it might make me forget," as he thought he refused to look in the mirror, not wishing to see the expression on his face.

Slowly he made his way to 4th Division and Momo's room. Entering the room he was astonished to see Soi looking at Momo with an expression of distaste on her face. That didn't seem significant as he pulled her from the room, noting her slight resistance as he tried to find a place he could talk to her, or have sex with her. Every room he tried was occupied and nothing seemed to work, then Soi started laughing at him. Eventually, after nearly fighting, they ended up back in the place they had used so many times before and Soi explained the conditions. She wanted him; that was good, but only for the night.

One night more was not enough. His mind, his cock demanded more than one paltry night of sex with this woman, but her determination made it difficult to argue. She told him as soon as he arrived that this was to be the last time and then kissed him. The words were unexpected and the kiss more than he'd hoped, but how could he persuade her to change her mind?

After making her come he tried, using threats, pleasure, whatever, until she finally agreed to one more night. One more night. Her determination to limit their encounters was profound and he knew he would not be able to persuade her otherwise. But then she had made it clear that this was to be the last night and any attempts to prolong their liaison would prove fatal for him. Every argument he offered did not seem to interest her. Even in the throes of pleasure she kept enough judgement to deny his demands even when he tried to assert his authority as a Captain.

It was only when he'd fucked her and she was on the brink of orgasm that she agreed the additional night. She would not admit that she wanted him, which confused him. She must want him, otherwise she would not have responded to his kisses. Why was it so important she finish with him? She said something about not loving him but not wanting to share him. How could he argue against that?

To compound his stupidity, he fell asleep after she had initiated him into sex with her in the superior position. It had come as a shock when she had touched his cock, obviously trying to arouse him. Her hand had not touched him gently, it hurt slightly and he tried to tell her, at the risk of breaking the kiss she had initiated, but she used her tongue to such effect that he wanted to keep his lips pressed to hers. He managed to persuade his senses that the firmness of her hand was exciting in its own way. When she pushed him onto his back and got astride him he did break the kiss, wishing to know what she planned.

Sex with her on top, taking him into her body made his eyes roll back in his head at how good it felt but he was tired from the events of the day. He'd watched his cock get taken into her body and that image turned him on even more. As she pulled his hands to her breasts he wanted to thrust upwards into her, but resisted the impulse. She was getting better as she continued and he wanted her to continue. She had showed him her desire for sex, and pleasured him so much that he thought the top of his skull was separating from his head. No wonder he slept. Could any woman compare with her?

Waking in the night he noticed she had moved to the other side of the bed and was sleeping deeply. He cuddled close, for some reason wanting contact with her, yearning to feel her against him as he slept, and on wrapping one arm around her and was sleepily thrilled when her hand grasped his arm as she sighed deeply in her sleep. His cock was hard, but she was warm, accepting his touch and so fast asleep he didn't want to wake her, assuring himself there would be time for sex in the morning, when they were both awake. He drifted back to sleep, happy at the unconscious acknowledgment of her toleration of him.

But the morning presented an angry, distracted Soi who was nearly dressed when she woke him. She refused to kiss him, or even look at him and left before he had finished rubbing the sleep from his eyes. What was wrong with the woman? They'd both fallen asleep. Had she expected him to wake her for sex? Damn, this was all too confusing. Who understood women anyway?

One more night. One night only. Her words had shown him clearly that tonight would be their final night together unless he could think of some way to change her mind. If only he could ask Matsumoto…

Quickly he rose and went to his headquarters and waited. His lieutenant might be of less assistance than he could have wished, but she was normally at the office on time, even if she was still half asleep, but today he waited half an hour and she did not arrive. Remembering the events of the previous day, he cursed slightly and went to 11th Division. Surprisingly, Captain Zaraki was in his office, sitting discontentedly at his desk, but initially he seemed pleased to see Toshiro. The Captain looked as if he hadn't bothered with dressing, his hair was not in its accustomed style and for a moment, Toshiro wondered if the man had slept because he looked tired.

"Would you please return my Lieutenant, Captain? We have work to do," Toshiro kept his voice pleasant, but firm.

The Captain grunted angrily and rose to his feet, his features transforming into a mask of anger. "Get out. She's not here and I have nothing to say to you." His hands reached for the smaller Captain and Toshiro backed away, fast.

"I'd leave if I were you," Yumichika said quietly.

"Um, Captain, I need you to look at his," Madarame said, grasping his Captain's arm firmly, turning him slightly away from the visitor. "These are the details on some of the Arrancar we fought. I thought you might be interested in their ability to use Cero attacks."

Yumichika nodded urgently to Toshiro who, taking the hint, turned on his heel and fled. What the hell was going on? What had happened between his Lieutenant and the Captain? He had to know. Swiftly he made his way to Matsumoto's quarters and entered. She was nowhere to be seen but he heard the sounds of water running in the bathroom and the sound of someone being violently ill. When she emerged, Matsumoto looked worse than the Captain, her skin gleaming with perspiration and her eyes were bloodshot. Noticing the empty sake bottle he inferred that the relationship with Zaraki was over.

Relief flooded him. No more sticky situations with another Captain. Matsumoto would recover sometime and return to her normal scatty self. Everyone expected Captain Zaraki to flip out regularly and when this relationship had commenced, he had hoped the liaison would not, could not last between those two.

If he were honest, he had thought nothing would manage to get between the two of them, there had been a deep layer of feeling between them the one time he had seen them together, and from gauging Matsumoto's response he knew this recovery would be bad, very bad. Her pain was evident, but he would not refer to it. How had she fallen for the Captain so quickly and so completely? It didn't make sense. This was not the time to ask Matsumoto for advice on his love life. He was sure she would start crying if he did and in her current frame of mind she would probably provide advice he should not take.

They had a brief, bitter conversation as Matsumoto showed the unreasonable side of her nature. He reminded her of their respective positions but she seemed singularly unimpressed, caught up as she was by her own grief.

After giving her the day off, he returned to his Division and gathered his people together and briefed them on the Arrancar. His attention was divided, thinking about Soi, thinking about his lieutenant, but the latter was less important than his reflection on how to maintain his sexual relation with Soi. Each time he thought about her, his cock stirred, breaking his concentration. After a sparse lunch of soup he arrived at 2nd Division an hour early and hesitated outside the door of the Captain's office.

"I believe I said 2.00 pm or 14.00 if you prefer that time. You are one hour early, Captain Hitsugaya," Soi's voice startled him coming from behind him. He turned to see her staring at him, her expression unreadable. "Was there some urgent matter you needed to discuss?" Her eyes glanced down staring at the erection that had grown at the sound of her voice. "I think you have an urgent matter I can attend to, but only today," she said opening the door and ushering him into her office. She locked the door carefully behind them both and removed her hakama as Toshiro watched, his eyes having trouble accepting the half naked vision being presented.

"Toshiro, are you just going to look, or are you going to act?" Soi sounded impatient as she sat on the desk, her legs parted.

Toshiro's hakama were off in seconds and he moved to the desk, pushing between her parted legs, entering her without any foreplay or touching. She was slick and hot and closed her eyes as he thrust into her. "Yes," she said, lying back on the desk.

His vision reduced to just the sight of the woman on the desk, Toshiro took her urgently his hands supporting his weight as he leant on the desk, remembering how he had wanted this earlier. Soi rocked her hips against him and then wrapped her legs around his thighs. He closed his eyes as he felt her tight around him, the folds of her skin massaging his hard penis, her heat and moisture adding to the incredible sensation he was experiencing.

Soi's hands were undoing her shirt, exposing her small breasts with the erect pink nipples to his eyes. He gulped, wanting to take one in his mouth as he continued to thrust into her. Her hands were now busy undoing his shirt and she ran her hand over his chest, causing him to gasp in surprise at the unexpected caress. All his concentration was now focuses on their joining and he increased his pace as he noticed Soi's nipples become even more erect, and her breathing more pronounced.

"Harder, Toshiro, harder," she ordered and he complied, watching her face, noticing the change as he felt her walls grasp his cock as she came, biting her lip. He allowed himself the pleasure of orgasm while she was still in the throes of hers, feeling his seed leave him in a gush that seemed to take forever. He was breathing heavily and wiped the perspiration from his forehead with one hand, reluctant to withdraw.

"Did you plan this, Toshiro?" Soi asked, as her breathing gradually returned to normal.

"No." If he had thought of it, he would have been there even earlier. Reluctantly he withdrew.

Soi let out a slight exclamation. "I can't talk to my Division like this. All I'll be able to think about is your cum dripping out of me." Looking around, Toshiro got a cloth which he immersed in some water and gently washed Soi between the legs. She moaned slightly as he rubbed the cloth over her and he noticed her eyes were half closed. Forgetting the cloth, he dropped to his knees and parted her labia, exposing her moist, pink cunt to his gaze. Without any further thought he began to lick her, slowly removing the last traces of his cum, grazing that sweet nub that centred her passion, savouring the taste of her. The sight of her exposed to his gaze reminded him how much he desired her now and he wanted her to yearn for him in return.

"Oh, God, Toshiro," her body was arching against the table, pushing herself closer to his probing tongue. His cock was rapidly hardening at her reaction and her taste.

"Do you want me, Soi?" He had to ask, removing his mouth from pleasuring her.

"For now, yes," she sighed, obviously not allowing anything to overcome her control.

"I want you, Soi. I want you under me writhing with pleasure as we fuck. Please, another…"

Soi immediately pushed Toshiro away and sat up her eyes flaming with anger. "If you continue speaking I will carry out my threat and kill you, now. You get today and tonight and then it's over, forever. Do you understand? I will not change my mind, no matter what tricks you try. Either you accept it, or leave."

Toshiro swallowed. Words were fighting to come out of his mouth. Words that would plead for an extension of time, words that would offer her everything, anything she desired if she would continue their liaison. But what did he have that he could offer that she could not obtain? He could offer his body and sex but she had already rejected that offer. He could not offer her marriage as he'd already told her that he was going to ask Momo to marry him. This was a mess, but a mess he had created. If Momo had not been pregnant, his relationship with Soi would never have commenced. Then he wouldn't be here, begging her to reconsider.

Layers within layers; cause and effect. Every action he had taken since the traitors had left, led him to this moment and he had to make a choice. Soi was already angry and he could let it go and have this moment and the night with her or he could try to extend the time. Looking at Soi, remembering her threat, he decided the moment was better than the slight possibility which was no longer feasible. Even as he accepted this he knew he was admitting his failure. One more day of passion and then back to the cold, austere reality that was his life, before Soi. His cock had subsided as he thought of the options, as if it were acknowledging defeat.

"I accept,' he said reluctantly his eyes fixed on hers, trying to convince her mentally to extend the time, to accept him, to want him more than her freedom and her strictures.

"Then finish what you stared, without speech. You are permitted to please me, for now." She lay prone on the desk and with a feeling of mixed relief and regret he parted her labia and once again experienced her taste. The single taste brought him back to full erection, but recalling her words he concentrated on pleasing her.

He might be satisfying her, but his mind continued to analyse the situation, hoping to distract his longing to plunge into her. The mind was mightier than the penis. The liaison was wrong. He knew it was wrong because she seemed to hold all the power, initially when he pleasured her so that she would protect Momo and now when she wanted to end it because of Momo and his stupid question. If he married Momo then he could not have Soi, and he would be loathe forming another liaison if he was married, even if the marriage was not consummated. Being this powerless was hateful to him but he could see no alternative.

Damn it. No matter what, he would ask Matsumoto for advice tomorrow. She knew Momo; surely she would have an opinion on whether he should ask Momo to marry him.

Soi's breathing had deepened and noticing that he concentrated on licking her clitoris with hard little flicks, harder than normal because even though he wanted her, he was angry at her determination to finish with him.

He heard her muffled shriek as she came. This time he continued to lick her as she convulsed under him wanting to jam his cock into her while she was distracted and unable to prevent him but knew that if he did she would deny him further sex. If only he could have the upper hand in this relationship, what wouldn't he make her do? Noting she was finished he rose to his feet and washed his face at the sink, rinsing away the juices that coated his mouth and chin.

"Meet me immediately after you make your presentation to my Division," Soi said very softly.

The words made no sense to Toshiro for a second and he looked at her, wondering what she could possibly mean. Then the meaning of the words sank in. Soi didn't want to wait until 9.00 pm. She wanted the night to start early. Regretting his light lunch, Toshiro agreed, knowing that he would need more sustenance to perform more than once.

"Don't worry, I'll bring some food," Soi said.

Stunned, Toshiro looked at her. How did she know what he was thinking? This was rapidly making him more confused about the nature of their affair. Their soon to be over affair, he knew, but there seemed to be a growing closeness, with shared understanding.

"I didn't have lunch because you arrived so early and I know I'll need to eat if we are going to be busy all night and we are going to be busy all night, aren't we Toshiro?"

He nodded in response, his feeling of shared understanding leaving him as he hoped he wouldn't disappoint her, or himself.

* * *

A.N.

For those of you who are reading both this story and _Different Circumstances_, the latter is on hiatus until the events in this story catch up.

Review if you want both or either story updated.


	7. Pride in Friendship

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Pride in Friendship**

He hated addressing other Divisions. He spoke automatically, making the same presentation he had made to his Division while he noted the reactions of the people who were supposed to be listening to him. They knew he was a Captain, but none of them wanted to pay attention, too intent on guessing his age, commenting on how short he was, or speculating on why he was chosen as a Captain. Didn't they understand that the information he was providing might help them if they were ever faced by the Arrancar? Were they so ignorant? Why had he agreed to this?

He'd agreed because he was fucking their commander and it was her price for one more night. Bitterness soured his mouth at this situation. Soi had been there when he commenced his explanation, but had been called away to attend to some urgent matter. The only good that came of that was he found it slightly easier to concentrate when he was not looking at her, as her presence made him think about sex.

He explained once more, speaking clearly, repeating the important points about fighting the Arrancar and then asked if there were any questions. When he had explained to the 10th Division they had been keen to ask questions about fighting styles and how he had managed to defeat the ones he had fought. It was possible that 2nd Division would also pose some intelligent questions.

"Is your Lieutenant really getting poked by Kenpachi Zaraki?" one voice asked.

Toshiro felt his spine stiffen at the impertinence of the question. "That is none of your business," he heard his voice say and felt a flicker of anger in his belly.

"I heard they broke up," another Shinigami said. "Last night."

"Great, maybe I have a chance with her now," a new voice commented gleefully.

Gossip spread fast in the Seireitei. This was getting out of his control and he didn't like the way the comments were progressing. Why did his Lieutenant cause him these problems?

"Do you have any questions about the Arrancar?" he asked firmly trying to regain some measure of influence over the Division. He felt a layer of ice form on his heart when he thought of his Lieutenant but found some reassurance that at least she had finished with the uncontrolled Captain. The anger deepened.

"Hey, I asked the question, so I have first try," the first voice answered.

"No, I've been fantasising about her longer than both of you," another Shinigami said.

He was beginning to feel that icy calm that descended on him when he was preparing to commence battle. Their lack of respect would be repaid by feeling his blade. Recent events had only made him repress his cold nature and his natural anger, but he could not allow this insult to his position go unpunished. He began to draw his zanpaku-to from its sheathe while the last two comments were made, but the subtle sound of footsteps close to him attracted his attention.

Looking up, Toshiro saw Soi was standing near him. She appeared to take in the situation at a glance and raising her voice injected cold steel into her tone. "This is neither the time, nor the place, for such thought or comments," she chided her Division, disfavour clear in her tone. "I heard your questions and they were impertinent. Captain Hitsugaya has spent his time trying to explain how to fight the Arrancar and you ask questions about trivial issues. You are all confined to quarters for the evening directly after dinner in the mess hall and tonight you will all eat in the mess hall."

The assembled company looked shamed at being caught in a wrong act by their Captain. Some even appeared to blush. Unwillingly Toshiro slid his blade back into his sheathe. For a moment he imagined drawing it and fighting Soi, fighting her until he beat her and then made her pay the penalty for her defeat.

"I apologise on their behalf, Captain Hitsugaya. Thank you for your time." The words were correct, the tone was dismissive.

"I'm sorry too, Captain Hitsugaya," said the Shinigami who had asked the original question.

"Commander Fong, the discipline of your Division is your responsibility, but I find it lacking. I will not be available to address them on this or any other matter again," he could not hide his anger and bowing slightly, left abruptly. It was not only the lack of discipline that had made him react that way. The same bribe would never be offered again.

Instead of heading to their place of rendezvous he went to the bathhouse, conveniently empty, to simmer down, immersing his body in the cold water it seemed to require. Soi had been the seed of his humiliation again, as had his Lieutenant. Women were the problem and he didn't know the solution. The cool water took the edge off his anger, but the acidic, seething resentfulness remained. He would go and meet Soi, he would screw her as much as he was able, but on his terms. If this was to be their last night together he was going to be selfish and take her as he wished without paying her all the attentions she seemed to expect. She had made it clear, very clear, that there was no possibility of the relationship being extended any further so why should he care how she felt? It didn't matter to him if she enjoyed the sex. What did he have to lose?

After dressing he made his way slowly to the assignation. Originally he had been more than eager for this meeting, but now he felt a heavy lethargy overwhelm him. The sooner he arrived, the sooner it would be over. The anger that had erupted within him had not gone and he felt the dull ache of fury at Soi accompany his lust.

Entering the room he noticed she was sitting at the table, her back rigid and her posture indicated that she was not in an approachable mood. She stood and turned around to face him her face a mask of freezing disdain. "Captain Hitsugaya, I do not appreciate being spoken to in the manner you addressed me in front of my Division," Soi's voice was icy.

"Captain Fong, I do not appreciate your Division or the way you handle their discipline. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to obtain my payment for addressing your undisciplined people. Kindly remove your clothes," the ice in Toshiro's voice matched Soi's.

"Payment? I do not believe you deserve payment. You have insulted me and my Division and I do not feel like allowing you to touch me…"

Toshiro ignored her words and pulling her close, kissed her angrily on the lips. Their teeth clashed as he forced his tongue between her unwilling lips into her mouth. She tried to pull her head away from his, but he gripped her shoulders tightly and kept his mouth firmly on hers. He tried to arouse her, moving his tongue in her mouth the way she'd shown him, trying to gain a reaction. She did not kiss him in response, her body cringing against his. Eventually she jerked her mouth from his.

"I do not want you to kiss…"

Toshiro again ignored her comments and again covered her mouth with his own, his fury fuelling the passion with which he kissed her. Once more she resisted, tugging at his hands, trying to remove her mouth from his even as his tongue touched hers. He ground his hardening penis against her, becoming increasingly excited by her resistance and his anger.

"I honoured my side of the bargain," he said as he pressed his body hard against her resisting form, pushing her against the wall. "It's time to pay up, Soi, or are you going to renege on your side of the deal? I'll take you like this if I have to, even if you resist, but you will meet your obligation."

"T..T..Toshiro?" there was a tiny trace of fear, overshadowed by anger, in her voice.

It sounded wrong to hear that emotion from her due to the way he kissed her and he looked at her to see her eyes wide as she seemed to have trouble recognising him. Never again had he expected to hear even the breath of fear in her voice and then he remembered her fear of men and her fear of sex with a man. Hastily he let her go, mortified at causing that reaction and turned to leave without saying anything. There was no point in staying. He was still feeling the effects of his fury and she was resisting him. Despite his earlier resolution and his words, he didn't want to force her. He had been trying to force her to admit her desire for him, just once more, but now she was scared of him, she didn't want him and it was over.

"Are you leaving?" the uncertainty was unexpected. He had thought she would be glad if he left.

"Why should I stay? The agreement is over and we are now casual acquaintances. I'll see you at the next Captain's meeting, Captain Fong." His hand was on the door.

"But the agreement is not over. It is not over until tomorrow morning or are you going to renege on your side of the deal?" The confidence was returning to her voice as she spoke. "Or have you changed your mind about wanting an additional night with me?"

Her answer made him pause and he turned to look at her, bearing in mind her words. What had caused her sudden change of mind? She'd been scared, he was sure of it, but all traces of fear had left her voice and body.

"You were unwilling," he began.

"I was angry. I am angry at you. I will be angry with you and you threatened to force me, but then you let me go. You proved that you are not the brute beast that would do anything you wanted despite my feelings. I still want you for tonight. Just tonight," Soi moved closer and rested her hand on his chest.

"I thought I'd scared you," he admitted. It sounded like an accusation.

"Me, scared? Never suggest that again or you will die. I do not experience fear so easily. Now, pleasure me. Make me forget my anger and disappointment," her words did not reassure him, but the cool hand on his chest, her proximity and his rising lust persuaded him to focus on her demand for pleasure. The other words didn't matter.

This time he removed her Captain's coat and she looked nonplussed. "I can undress myself, Toshiro. I'm not a child."

"You've undressed me in the past. I thought it might be more interesting if I removed your clothes," he explained having watched enough romantic television shows while in the human world. Orihime and Matsumoto seemed obsessed with the vicarious pleasure they received from these trashy offerings and he'd noted that undressing the other person seemed to be a regular feature. It seemed like it might be interesting.

Soi's forehead creased in a frown. "Do you expect me to undress you this time?"

"Not unless you wish to do so," he half hoped she would but did not expect her to take that step. She was still wary with him after he had forced his kisses on her.

"I don't and I would prefer to take off my own clothes," she said moving a little apart from him.

"Oh, come on Soi. It won't hurt. Let me try it," for some reason he felt the need to insist and gain his way in this instance. His hands moved to her shirt and he quickly undid the ties that held it together. For a moment her hands rested on his, trying to prevent his actions, but she dropped them and stood there obediently. As soon as her creamy flesh was exposed, Toshiro began to touch her with his fingertips, running them gently over the cool flesh which warmed under his caress. Looking at her face he noticed at first a startled expression and then one of increasing pleasure. Lowering his head he began to lick the skin just under her collarbone, slowly moving downward until he reached her stomach. His hands were busy undoing her hakama as he did this and they dropped to the floor.

"That wasn't too bad, was it?" Toshiro said and quickly began to remove his clothes, noting that Soi had shrugged off her undone shirt and removed the other few items of clothing she wore. Avidly, her small hands reached out and undid his hakama as he was still removing his shirt. The gesture pleased him and when they were both naked he pulled her close and kissed her. She came willingly to his arms and opened her mouth to him, returning his kiss with rising desire. Her hands rested on his shoulders as her tongue ran along his before touching his soft palate. He didn't think he could get any harder, but it seemed he could from her kiss.

"I want to try something different," Soi said, freeing her lips from his.

For a few seconds Toshiro wondered what she meant. Different? How different? Was she actually going to suck him? His hopes rose, but she turned and got on the bed, on her hands and knees. He could see the firm small cheeks of her bottom and as she spread her knees further apart he caught a glimpse of her sex. He found himself unexpectedly excited by the suggestion and the sight.

"Take me like this. I saw it illustrated in a pillow book once and I wondered what it was like," She said, her head turned toward him.

For a moment Toshiro wondered how it would work and why she was reading pillow books, but his cock urged him to try. Seeing her presenting herself to him, obviously eager was exciting him considerably. "Don't you want me to lick you first?"

"I'm horny and I want to feel your thing inside me. Come on, Toshiro, I'm getting impatient. Don't make me wait." The urgency was evident in her voice.

Kneeling between her spread thighs he asked, "Where..?"

"I'm not asking for anything odd. Normal, just like this," now she sounded eager and slightly angry.

He grasped his cock and guided it to her nether lips, feeling them slick against the head of his penis. Believing he could do this he pushed forward only to slide between her legs.

"Not like that. You're supposed to go inside. Don't you know what you're doing?" The anger in her voice increased.

"I've never done it like this before and neither have you. Stop making this my fault, Soi," he was sick of her demands and accusations but he still wanted to try.

She grasped his member and pulled it to her entrance holding it there. "Now, push into me. Hurry."

He pushed into her, as far as he could until his hips were hard against her buttocks. He grasped her hips and held them steady as he withdrew slightly. If felt slightly different in this position, and he slowly began the thrusts, hoping he wouldn't slip out. He preferred to see her face and watch her reactions when they screwed, but still he was getting the sensations and she pushed back toward him.

She hissed slightly as their coordination went askew, but remained steady. He adjusted to her moves so it wouldn't happen again. As he continued to thrust into her, his pleasure grew, but her breathing remained steady and she was not becoming any wetter. He stopped, wanting confirmation.

"Are you enjoying this Soi?" For some reason it seemed important that he asked. Even though he had earlier resolved that he did not care if she enjoyed the sex, he preferred to know that she did like it. It bolstered his confidence.

"Not really. I'm not getting much stimulation. I thought this was supposed to be good," her voice held elements of confusion and disappointment.

"I don't know, I haven't read the book you saw this in. Maybe if I try this it might help, but I'll have to lean on you," he said as he first licked his finger and then slid his hand in front of her and began to touch her small nub, stroking it gently, trying to use it the same way he used his tongue. He heard her moan as his fingers began to excite her and he began to gently move into her again. His chest was now leaning against her back and her skin was growing warm at the contact.

"Lean on me all you like," Soi said a few minutes later and began pushing urgently against him. "Faster. Harder."

Toshiro tried to obey, thrusting into her as his fingers continued to excite her. Her body was pushing back onto him faster than he could drive into her, but he sped up his caresses and she did not complain.

"Oh, Goddess. Toshiro, that feels good," Soi said.

He closed his eyes feeling her get tighter around him as he continued to screw her. His orgasm was getting close and he touched her more urgently, trying to get her to come.

She became very still and then jerked against him as her cunt compressed around him. Caught up in the sensation, he ejaculated into her and then she collapsed down onto the bed, no longer supported by her knees and hands. Unprepared for her sudden descent, Toshiro fell on top of her, almost knocking the breath out of both of them. As fast as he could, he moved to the side, not touching her, but struggling to calm his breath.

"I'm not sure I want to try that again," Soi said sleepily.

"There's no point in telling me," Toshiro said bitterly. "After tonight it doesn't affect me what you want." The feeling of impotent rage, which had faded slightly when she appeared scared and when they screwed, was back, stronger than before. He wanted the arrangement to continue but knew that even mentioning it would mean it was over before it needed to be.

"Yeah, you're right, I suppose. I meant I didn't want to try it again tonight, not that position,' Soi's voice was indifferent. They lay there and he starched his arms behind his head, wondering if he should say anything. The silence was uncomfortable.

"How long before you're ready again? Do I have to wait long?"

Her words sparked the anger and made him reckless in his response. She was so demanding and selfish. "Does that mean you want me to lick you while you wait patiently for me to get excited again? I'm only here for your pleasure, aren't I? It doesn't matter what I want," Toshiro didn't care what he said. It was perfectly clear to him that Soi didn't think about him at all. She only wanted him to provide the orgasms whether by cunnilingus or sex, it didn't matter. While he wanted to stay the night with her, have sex with her as many times as possible, part of him was impatient for it to be over, for her demands to cease. It was time to be his own man once again, not answerable to anyone else.

"Why should it matter to me? This arrangement was a convenience, nothing more. It might have lasted longer if you hadn't decided to marry your pathetic, pregnant, feeble minded friend but that's your choice." Soi opened her mouth preparing to continue.

Toshiro sat upright, very fast and glared at Soi almost pleased to be able to have this fight. He hadn't decided if he was going to offer Momo marriage, but the insult rankled. "What did you call Momo?" He found it hard to believe she was making this mistake. She should know how protective he was of his friends.

"Pathetic and feeble minded. She is. Everyone feels sorry for her instead of recognising that she's a fool. It's all I hear. 'Poor Momo. Aizen tried to kill her. She almost died. She's heartbroken.' Soi assumed a whining voice as she quoted. "You say it too but you don't realise the girl's a moron. No, worse than that, she a deluded idiot who's carrying a traitor's child. And you still haven't told her. I think that's real cowardice." Her eyes were sparking with anger and her voice and attitude left no doubt in Toshiro's mind that she meant what she said.

"You wouldn't understand. It's not cowardice. I want Matsumoto with me when I tell Momo but she's been busy. They're friends and…. I don't have to explain anything to you. Momo is not feeble minded or an idiot. She's just confused."

"You want your flighty Lieutenant who's screwing the most violent person in the Seireitei to be there when you tell Momo? You think she'll help. How exactly? Explain how to score with a Captain? Give tips on how to improve her sex life? Ran's been sleeping around since she broke up with Gin, spreading her legs for anyone who shows interest, I've heard the gossip and I've seen how she hangs around with those men, drinking all the time. I don't know why you keep her as your second in command. It doesn't say much for her intelligence, or yours. A slut and a fool and you call them friends. You're as bad as they are," the disgust in Soi's voice was matched by her expression.

"That's enough, Captain Fong," Toshiro yelled. He scrambled off the bed and started dressing. The anger he felt made his hands shake and he fumbled with the fastenings. Her last comment made it obvious she didn't like him or hold any respect for him or his friends. "It's over. I've put up with your demands, your selfishness and your insults, but I won't listen to you insult my friends. What do you know about friendship anyway? A lesbian rejected by your lover in favour of a man. And she was the only person you've ever called a friend. Where are your other friends? You don't have any. You're the one who's pathetic."

Soi looked at him, her mouth opened in shock, her eyes large with disbelief. He finished dressing and walking quickly to the door, he left, shutting it firmly behind him, fighting his desire to stay, to walk over to Soi and kiss her one more time. The insults she had uttered could not be ignored nor could he overlook the obvious disdain in which she held him. He could have stayed and fought with her more, but he was fearful that words would not be enough and they might start fighting in earnest. He had to get away from her.

Walking home through the twilight shaded streets, he tried to regain his equanimity. It had been a shock to hear Soi's opinion of his friend and lieutenant but he knew she was wrong. He'd guessed she wasn't fond of Momo when he'd seen her looking at her in 4th Division, but he'd disregarded that until now. Briefly he wondered why she disliked Momo and Matsumoto so much.

Once in the human world, he asked Matsumoto what she thought about a number of the Captain's trying to disguise his interest in Soi. When he'd mentioned Soi's name a strange but fleeting expression crossed his Lieutenants face and she made some non-committal comment about the awe in which her Division held her. In response to his queries about other Captains, Matsumoto had some piece of gossip or some funny observation about their personality but she had been reticent about Soi. He'd deliberately not asked her about Captain Zaraki, reluctant to acknowledge their liaison.

As he reached his home he decided to not think of it any further. It was finished and he now had to settle back into his normal routine of responsibilities and duties. Soi was nothing to him, a former lover but never a friend.

* * *

A.N.

Pillow Book: In Japan a Pillow Book might be given to a newly married couple with pictures of people copulating. This was supposed provide instruction on how to consummate their marriage without all that explanation that embarrasses parents and children everywhere.

This story is not over and there will be more chapters. As I said before, I like complications.

Another chapter (or two) before this story catches up with _Different Circumstances_.

Review. I like reviews.


	8. No Love, No Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**No Love, No Friend**

"He's gone. He left," Soi thought disbelievingly. "We could have had the night together and he went away because I insulted his friends. Why was he so angry? What I said was true, but maybe I should not have said it to him tonight." Feeling at a loss, she rose from the bed and wandered to the door, opening it to make certain that Toshiro was not outside, thinking about returning, but the street outside was empty.

She sat at the table and idly began pick at the fare she had brought to share with Toshiro. In her spare moments she had planned the evening, commencing with the food and then lots of sex, but his words, his intended insult in front of her Division had made her plan less palatable. The food was here because she was hungry, not intentionally to share. As she ate she reflected on the recent argument.

"I've never seen him that angry before. He's been so compliant until now, but I suppose that changed when he didn't need me to protect Momo anymore. Why does he want to marry her? He told me he loved her when this started, but is that why he wants to marry her? Does he really love her?" She gazed at the door wondering about Toshiro's feelings. "Why do I care? He means nothing to me. He was just a plaything, something I used to pass the time when I was bored and frustrated." For some reason the words did not comfort her.

It reminded her of the last time someone had left her and the impending night seemed lonely while future nights seemed bleak. "Yoruichi, why did you leave me? Wasn't my love enough for you? I want you back in my life. I don't want a cute boy who has finished with me because of some words I said. He could have ignored them and stayed with me for the night and then got angry with me tomorrow. Why is he such a fool? We could have had more sex, enjoyed each other. That's why he was here. I only spoke the truth. Why can't he see how stupid Momo is, how obsessed she is with Aizen. She'd betray him in a moment if her darling Captain asked her to. And Toshiro's Lieutenant! Matsumoto Rangiku. Randy would be a better nickname rather than Ran. I wonder if she told him about the night I asked her for dinner. He would have mentioned it, wouldn't he? I don't trust her. She's always hanging around those men and I'm sure it's not just because they like each other. I wonder if they use her in turns or at the same time. I wonder how Kenpachi will like sharing her, or if he will kill her and whoever he finds her with. It won't be long before she's unfaithful. I know what he sees in her, that's obvious, but what does she see in him?"

She sat there, eating and staring at the wall, not thinking, just trying to sort out her emotions. Time passed. Then more time as Soi continued to mechanically eat the food. Getting up she filled a cup with water and drank, the liquid washing down the food she had consumed. Looking at the table she was slightly embarrassed to realise she had eaten it all. If Toshiro had stayed would she wouldn't have consumed so much. Toshiro was not there. That was because…

"It's over." She spoke aloud so she could hear the words and believe them. Hearing them forced her to accept the truth and she did not want to remain in that room any longer. There was no point; Toshiro would not return and he was the only reason she was there. Not that he was a good reason, but he'd amused her for a time.

It was growing dark. Her distraction had screened the passing of time. Dressing she made her way back to her quarters, washed thoroughly and went to bed as she did not know what else to do. Lying under the sheets, the pillow settled firmly beneath her head, she tried to sleep. Restlessly she turned onto her side, then her stomach, then her other side, but her mind kept churning. She was wondering why he had left so fast after such little provocation. It had been his idea to have the final night and yet he'd been the one to end it.

"And tomorrow he'll ask Momo to marry him and she'll accept and then he'll tell her about the baby. Toshiro will be stuck with the moron and the traitor's bastard. Will they ever have sex? I bet he'll be noble and not try until after she's had the brat. That's his problem, not mine. I don't even know why I'm thinking about him. It's over and he means nothing to me." Eyes open, staring into the darkness, Soi thought about Toshiro. "He was just a pair of lips, a tongue and a hard thing. That's all. A means to an orgasm. It was only ever to be limited. I didn't want anything more than sex from him and I don't need him anymore. I've been celibate before, I can do it again. If I decide to take a lover again I'll make sure that the hold I have over her will be complete but I can't think of any females that tempt me. I suppose I could try another man, but I can't think of any. None of the Captains. Aside from Toshiro they revolt me. None of the Assistant Captain's either. It would be better if I could choose just a simple person; someone not even seated who might be honoured to be my toy. What am I thinking? I don't need anyone. It's a sign of weakness to want anyone in my life. If I want the pleasure I can buy something. I don't have to be physical with another person and it means I won't have to put up with another's sweat, or their body clamped against mine, or his tongue licking me so deliciously as he gets excited. Toshiro looking into my eyes as he pushes his thing into me." Sitting upright Soi shook her head violently, angry at her mind. "I am not thinking about him again. It's only because I want sex that I'm thinking of him in the first place. I will go to sleep and tomorrow I will undertake vigorous exercise. I've not exercised enough recently, that's what my problem is. If I were exhausted from fighting or running or developing new battle techniques I'd be tired and sleep and I wouldn't feel hunger for his body. That's what I'll do. I'm feeling so tired because I've been lazy and preferred to snooze rather than keep fit. That will change."

Turning once more she considered other possible reasons why she was having difficulty trying to sleep. When she'd met Toshiro at lunch she had been planning to have a nap in her office after eating. She was often tired recently, frequently needing to sleep for a short while during the day. It was this unexpected fatigue which had made her fall asleep the previous night when she was with Toshiro, otherwise she would have been alert and awake. When she left the briefing Toshiro was giving, the excuse she made was she had to attend to urgent business. It had been urgent: she had to sleep. If she had remained she feared she would have been unable to keep her eyes open and that would have been embarrassing. Fortunately 20 minutes sleep had refreshed her enough to be able to concentrate. Sleep should be easy, she was tired, her eyes were sore and her body felt listless.

She shut her eyes again, determined to sleep. Clearing her thoughts she attempted to think of nothing. A void, space, no thought. Darkness outside, darkness behind her closed lids, darkness within. Within darkness was sleep and peace without complications. As she searched in her mind she found darkness: a cool emerald darkness that reflected her dark eyes; her passion and desire.

_Minutes later_

Sitting outside her room, on the veranda that sheltered one side of her dwelling, she felt the cold night air stir against her face and hands as she huddled in a robe, with a blanket over her shoulders. Bed was the wrong place for her tonight. Her bed was no longer a haven; it was now a rack on which she was forced to recall recent events and feel emotions or feelings or whatever the hell they were that made her feel confused and threatened her stability. Her thoughts were too disorganised. If she sat here in the silent darkness, watching the moon occasionally encountering a cloud which filtered the moon light as it travelled through the heavens, she would find a measure of peace. The moon was cool and aloof, changing through the month, but always serenely travelling forwards. Soi wished to be like the moon, untouched by the events occurring around her. Advancing ever forward.

She had never watched the moon with Toshiro, so it held no memories of the short time they spent together. Watching it calmed her as she charted its smooth progress through the sky toward the horizon. Before Yoruichi had departed to the human world they had spent evenings lying here together, gazing at the stars but those memories no longer seemed as real or as recent.

Her face heated and she rested it against the cool wooden pillar, pressing the hard and smooth surface against her burning cheek. Why she blamed the bed she did not know as the bed was guiltless. No time had been spent in the bed with Toshiro, though she had spent days, weeks while he was in the human world thinking about him when she tried to sleep. Later as the days turned into weeks, exhaustion overtook her quickly and she would often wake from deep slumber where her dreams of swimming naked, in warm salty water both soothed and confused her. Why dream of water or swimming?

Gazing at the moon she tried to believe that it was better that it was over. It was necessary that she was again alone. She should never have sought sexual pleasure with a man; that had been her first mistake. Men were base and prone to give into their primitive desires. Toshiro hadn't done so, but given time that might have changed. The male of the species could not be trusted. She only had to look at the example of Aizen, Tosen and Ichimaru. Living all the time in the Seireitei, hiding their actual characters; perverting the members of their Divisions and plotting against the Gotei 13. That was how men acted. None of the females in the Seireitei had been involved, even that slut, Matsumoto, seemed nonplussed at the sudden revelation. For a few nanoseconds Soi indulged in a tiny fantasy that Aizen had taken Momo with him, but then perceived that this action would have changed everything. Without the desire to protect his friend, Toshiro would never have approached her, or entered into the agreement.

The stars shone down on the small, sad form of Soi who now lay down, ignoring the hard shelter she had found, as she watched the night sky, not seeing the stars or the moon, but instead reluctantly viewing the empty space that was now in her life.

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Arriving back at his quarters, he realised it was still early. Sleep would be nice but the call of duty was strong. Sighing he returned to his office to do some paperwork that had been neglected. Instead of working through it with his normal industry, he found he would often notice that his eyes were unfocused, looking at the words, but not reading them. As the sun set, he gave up and went home seeking rest.

Finding sleep was easy. He was tired from the sex and the other exertions of the day so he cleared his mind and quickly succumbed to the embrace of Morpheus. The only problem, the only thing that prevented him from remaining asleep: dreams.

Dreams of Soi beset him as soon as he slept. Not only dreams of passionate sex, but strange dreams where they talked to each other as if they were friends and they liked each other. Each time he dreamt he tried to wake up, not wishing to be forced to think about that woman while he slept. She had taken up so many of his waking thoughts; she should not be permitted to take over his unconscious mind.

Finally he gave up and sitting up, turned on a light. Sleep was necessary, but how could he sleep without dreams? Reluctantly he rose from his bed and went to the cabinet where he kept a present from Matsumoto. She had been adamant that he accept the bottle of sake for his birthday, insisting that she could always have some when she visited him. As yet that had not happened and the bottle was still sealed. With a quick twist he broke the seal and opened the bottle pouring some into a glass. Gulping down the liquid he ignored the taste and the path of heat it left in his throat. It reached his empty stomach and the warmth permeated through his body. Putting the bottle away, he realised the alcohol would affect him quickly as it had been some time since he had eaten. It didn't matter, he wasn't hungry.

Unused to the affects of alcohol, he soon found his head nodding and settled back in bed, finding sleep. He was unsure if he dreamed, his brain fuddled by the alcohol he had consumed made it difficult for him to recall or to rouse quickly.

The next morning dawned bright. Distracted by his thoughts he had not closed the curtains or shut the window before he went to bed. The sun shone directly onto his face, birds sang outside his window, crickets chirruped amongst the blossoming flowers. Squinting against the sunlight, Toshiro waited for some chorus of people to walk past singing about the beautiful weather, or the marvellous day or some other hymn of worthless verbiage. Too many times he'd seen that on the television in the human world. If anyone tried that here, he would kill them, painfully. The act of slaying might soothe him. It wasn't that he had a hangover; it was because his head ached a little, the sunlight was too bright, the flowers were too highly coloured, the birds were too noisy and he desperately wanted some water. Sliding out of the sheets he stood on his feet waiting for the slight motion he felt in the floor to cease. Washing his face helped. Drinking glass after glass of water and then consuming some peppermint tea soothed his roiling stomach quenched his thirst and made the floor motionless.

"Why does Matsumoto drink if this is how she feels the next day? If she felt worse than this yesterday she would have been no help to me. I'm relieved I gave her the day off because I'm sure she would have complained, or cried, or both. At least I don't have to worry about Zaraki anymore."

He felt better. The birds ceased being as annoying as he dressed for the day. He would go and collect Matsumoto from her quarters to make certain she was not late. There were many things that needed to be done, due to their absence, and he knew that there would be more tasks for his Division as Momo was still unwell and no one person seemed fit or willing to take over her responsibilities. It was past time three new Captains were selected. There must be candidates, but trying to push the old man to action was problematic.

Arriving at his lieutenant's home he found the door was locked, but using the key he kept he opened the door. Entering the room, he saw a pair of very large sandals near the entry. Matsumoto's feet were not that big. With a sense of dread he approached the bedroom, quickly glanced in and groaned quietly. Zaraki was in the bed with Matsumoto, holding her tightly, almost as if he would never release her. Both of them were naked and Toshiro shut his eye as he turned away. He really didn't want to see Zaraki without clothes, that was too disturbing, and he didn't want to talk to Matsumoto while she was naked or with Zaraki, but he had to ascertain what was going on.

He called out to her from the doorway, his head averted, "Matsumoto. Matsumoto. Cover yourself, lieutenant."

A rustle of sheets indicated that he had roused her slightly and her sleepy voice replied, "Later, Toshiro. Come back in the next dream."

Sighing he persisted. Zaraki would be awake; would have awoken when he heard Toshiro's voice and he was probably lying there grinning widely.

When she finally listened and obeyed he had the conversation he had been dreading since their return from the human world. Zaraki wanted to marry Matsumoto. Toshiro felt marriage was a little extreme but there was no point in trying to persuade them to wait, or even that it was a bad idea. Neither appeared ready to listen to reason, but he knew that if they asked the Captain-General, he might veto the match. Toshiro didn't want this marriage to take place. It was another unwelcome change in his all too frequently shifting world.

Leaving them to dress, he quickly located a Hell Butterfly and sent a message to the Captain-General providing a very brief outline of what was happening. Despite his preference he found that he was thinking about recent events. His sex life was now non-existent and he would shortly ask Momo to marry him. The thought of asking her that question appealed less than the first time he had thought of it. Duty and friendship. Was that a reason for marriage? He could not imagine holding Momo the way Zaraki had held Matsumoto while they slept. In some ways he found the idea slightly repugnant. Then he remembered the pleasure he'd experienced waking, cuddled close to Soi and his face reddened. That had been a mistake. Now he had the chance to think about it, the argument last night was providential. Waking up next to her when it was the final morning might have made him again request an extension, or worse he might have told her he liked her or some other such garbage. Not that he would have meant it. He liked fucking her, he liked her body, but he did not like her at all. It would only have been a tactic to make her extend the liaison.

"Who could like Soi? She was cold, demanding, selfish, a great fuck, cruel, passionate, a lesbian…"

He was relieved when his thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Ikkaku looking for his Captain. "Hey, Captain Hitsugaya. I take it my Captain is still here."

"Yes," Toshiro was feeling very terse and it showed in his tone.

"Why are you here?" Ikkaku seemed frankly curious. "Is Ran late or something?"

"She was very upset yesterday after your Captain… After they broke up. I thought I would see how she felt," Toshiro did not feel like going into details, yet.

"Then why are you waiting here? Is Ran unwell, or the Captain? Is there a problem?" Ikkaku was being remarkable persistent. He glanced toward the door as if he was thinking about viewing the situation.

"They are asking the Captain-General for permission to marry today. Your Captain has just asked for my consent to marry my Lieutenant, while they were still in bed, naked" Toshiro decided he may as well tell this curious man. He'd be surprised if everyone in the Seireitei didn't know within the hour.

Ikkaku broke into a short impromptu dance. Toshiro looked on in astonishment. Why was the man dancing? Had ants invaded his footwear and were biting him or had he lost it?

"At last, now he won't watch me so carefully and I can spend my nights where I want, with whom I want. My Captain will be happy with Ran. They suit each other. Yumichika and I tried to hint at him last night that he should ask her to marry him. Ran must have got it. She's quick when she has to be." Ikkaku seemed happy at the news.

Without meaning to Toshiro smiled. The dance had been funny and it might be good for Matsumoto to settle with someone, but he would have preferred nearly anyone else, nearly. Remembering the 12th Captain's clutch on his arm and intense questioning unnerved him. He would have incarcerated Ran before he allowed her to get involved with that creep. Zaraki was almost acceptable in comparison.

Ikkaku started pounding on the door. "I want to see what happens," he explained to Toshiro, but stopped, as he received a cool stare. "It shouldn't take them this long to get dressed."

When they finally emerged he noted that Matsumoto seemed overjoyed, excited and so obviously in love it was painful to look at her. Zaraki bared his teeth in a ferocious smile and could hardly keep his hands off the woman. The effect this obvious sexual satisfaction and romance had on Toshiro made him speculate as to whether he would make it to their destination without vomiting. Love sickened him.

Aside from giving Zaraki a reproving glance and comment when it appeared he was going to carry Matsumoto to the meeting, Toshiro did not pay much attention the events that were unfolding around him. He tried not to look at the couple as they walked to the 1st Division office, all the time endeavouring not to think about Soi or Momo. This new complication made it even more unlikely that he'd have a chance to talk to his Lieutenant about his problems anytime soon.

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The Hell Butterfly awoke her and she sat up, confused as to where she was. Waking in the middle of the night she had realised she had fallen asleep while watching the moon. Grumbling gently, she returned to her bed and fell asleep without really waking. Opening her eyes she expected to see the world outside only to view her bedroom walls. On hearing the message summoning her to 1st Division her lips thinned. A Captain's meeting. Another damned meeting that would only serve to advance the position of the males in the Seireitei.

As she checked her appearance she stopped, realising that if it was a full Captain's meeting, Toshiro; no, Captain Hitsugaya; no, that man would be there. Soi felt a slight surge of nausea. She did not wish to see Toshiro soon, or ever. There was no choice.

Bolstering her resolution she walked to the meeting, her footsteps firm with her adjunct in attendance burbling on about gossip. Soi did not listen. He always seemed to be full of unimportant information that he imparted between mouthfuls of food.

Suddenly hungry she grabbed a handful of the nuts he was eating, cramming them into her mouth. Still hungry she took the bag from his shocked grasp and ate the rest of the contents ignoring his exclamation. "Don't try to tell me it's your last snack. You always carry more of these and I'm hungry. Give me another bag of snacks, chocolate this time. You never share and now it's time to learn." Her demand brought forth complaints, but also chocolate which she consumed ravenously.

Arriving at 1st Division, Soi entered the office, looking around intently to see if Toshiro was already in attendance. Ignoring her sinking spirits she saw he was not yet there and took her normal space in the room. Not for the first time she wondered why they had to stand during these meetings. Each time she left a meeting she needed to stretch for some time to warm up the muscles that were cramped or abused by standing in the one position for so long. Every time she wished to raise the matter at a meeting, it always got bogged down on some stupid point that seemed irrelevant to Soi and she lost interest.

The door opened and looking toward it she saw Kenpachi, Ran, Toshiro and Ikkaku enter the room. Seeing Toshiro made her feel strange, and she quickly looked away wondering at the purpose of the meeting.

When Kenpachi announced his desire to marry the woman, Soi found her mouth had fallen open. "He can't be serious. Marriage? These two? Toshiro is going to ask Momo to marry him. Why do people want to marry?"

When Kuchiki objected she almost laughed at Kenpachi's retort. That would really disrupt his household and Division. How do you treat a subordinate who is in love with your sister when you are the head of a noble house? Especially such a sister who had already brought him so much embarrassment.

More words were exchanged and she asked the Captain the question she felt she should be asking Toshiro. "Captain Zaraki, are you sure you want this? You don't have to marry" her lip curled in disgust as she asked the question. A quick glance at Toshiro saw an answering flare in his gaze and then she took her eyes from him, making a silent promise that she would not look at him again today.

Soi tried to listen to the discussion and the questions, but she wasn't really interested. Her main wish was to leave this meeting as soon as possible. Solitude was what she desired and all this discussion about something like marriage seemed ridiculous. The harlot and the homicidal maniac, married. It was nearly enough to make her smile and then the harlot bleated about being in love with the man. As if that could be the reason! It was a relief when she was told to leave. The real debate started after her departure.

"You are letting this interfere with your duties," Yamamoto told the stolid Captain. "You should have attended the meeting when you returned."

"Yeah, so? If you don't let us marry I'll let it interfere a whole lot more," Zaraki sniped back.

"We discussed tactics and the Arrancar attacks. You would have learnt something useful, unless you have obtained this information from the Lieutenant," Yamamoto responded. "You are again challenging my authority."

A lascivious smirk crossed Zaraki's face. "I've been too busy with the Lieutenant to talk about Arrancar. Ikkaku and Yumichika explained about them to me. I know what I need to know."

Yamamoto grunted and glared at Zaraki.

"I think she's a bad choice," Mayuri said smoothly. "She's not the most stable of women."

"Fuck you, Kurotsuchi. Your opinion means nothing. Why don't you go and screw a cadaver like you normally do. It might pay more notice to you than me," Zaraki dismissed the comment with the usual disdain he used when addressing that Captain. Mayuri glared at Kenpachi, but a small growl from the man persuaded him not to say anything further.

A snort of laughter was heard from Captain Unohana, but Soi expected that. She knew that she had been Kenpachi's mistress in the past.

"Enough Zaraki," Yamamoto interjected.

"Let them marry. Ran needs to be settled and she seems to love the Captain," Captain Kyoraku commented idly. He smiled lazily and said, "They can always divorce if it doesn't work out. Why all this fuss?"

Soi felt the bitterness she had welling inside her toward Toshiro burst out, "You would say that. That woman prostitutes herself for you and your friends. We all know that you're screwing each other regularly; you probably all have her at the same time. Why you want to marry something like that Kenpachi, I don't know."

There was a short silence after her outburst and she saw Toshiro look at her unbelievingly. The next minute Kenpachi had grabbed the front of her coat and hauled her off her feet. "Don't talk about Matsumoto like that. You know nothing about her you callous bitch and someone like you could never understand her. You're about as warm and caring as a sodding glacier. A fucking tiny glacier," As if realising that this was not helping his case, the Captain suddenly replaced her on her feet and walked away from her, not looking at her.

Soi was shaken by the contact and the intense rage she had seen in Kenpachi's eyes. For a moment she had thought he would throw her against the wall and skewer her on his zanpaku-to if he could. Unthinkingly her eyes sought Toshiro and found he was watching Kenpachi, not looking in her direction.

Why was she getting involved? It didn't matter to her if they got married. The presence of Toshiro was upsetting her and causing her to act like this.

"I'm sorry to disappoint your salacious imagination, Captain Fong, but Ran is a friend, a good friend, but a friend who was faithful to Captain Ichimaru far too long. None of us have had the pleasure of having sex with her and I think you should apologise to Captain Zaraki for insulting his future wife," the smooth and cool words from Captain Ukitake were unexpected. What was worse, she almost believed him.

"Of course you'd say that. You're one of them, one of her lovers," Soi began, trying to convince her brain that the man was telling untruths. It was improbable that they were just friends.

"That's enough, Captain Fong," Toshiro's voice cut in quickly, contempt in his voice. She quailed a little at the coldness of his gaze as the shock of hearing his voice caused her to look at him.

"It's not enough. We have to believe these men because of their words. You're just protecting her Captain Hitsugaya, because she's your adjunct. You're too easily manipulated," Angry at his words Soi decided to attack Toshiro again.

"You judge so quickly and incorrectly," Captain Unohana murmured quietly into the silence. "What you suggest about Lieutenant Matsumoto is quite impossible."

"It is the wrong time for marriage. Wait until the war is over then you can marry later," was the voice of reason. Yamamoto looked keenly at Zaraki. "Wait."

"I can't wait. She's pregnant and if you don't agree she'll move in with me anyway," Kenpachi announced.

The Captain's looked at each other. Pregnant? That did make a difference.

"Have you considered that the child may not be yours, Captain Zaraki? It is possible that the Lieutenant encountered Ichimaru in the human world while on the mission," Captain Kuchiki asked sleekly, reminding Soi of a man attempting to enrage a bull.

"I had someone watching her the whole time she was in the human world. She didn't meet that bastard," the reply was uttered without the expected anger. "Stop trying to needle me Kuchiki. I know her better than you think."

"Are you sure she's pregnant, Captain Zaraki? Can you confirm the pregnancy Captain Unohana?" Yamanto did not bother listening to the other questions.

"I cannot confirm or deny the claim, Captain-General and I believe the Lieutenant would have consulted me. If you wish I will examine her now," Captain Unohana was poised as she made the suggestion.

Captain Yamamoto screwed up his face as he thought. "I don't think you're telling the truth about the pregnancy, or you would have mentioned it earlier. However, I believe that the Lieutenant will move in with you as she has already expressed her desire to marry you. I think it's a mistake."

Why was this an important issue? They should make a decision so she could leave. She didn't want to be here any more and all the talk of marriage made her remember that soon Toshiro would be married to Momo.

"I think it's a mistake, but they should marry," Toshiro agreed.

Hearing his voice utter those words made Soi turn cold and she lost interest in the rest of the meeting. The voices burbled, arguments ranged around the room, tempers got heated and eventually folly prevailed. Her thoughts were relaxing as she pretended she was again watching the moon travel through the sky.

After the marriage took place and the meeting was over, Soi walked from the room. Toshiro was waiting outside and she stopped, half hoping for an apology.

"There is no need for you to concern yourself with the protection of Lieutenant Hinamori further,' he announced. "Thank you for your assistance, but it is no longer required. Good bye, Captain Fong." His face was blank and his rigid stance indicated his distaste at being in her company.

She nodded in response not sure that she would be able to address him with any civility if she spoke. Turning on her heel she left, returning to her Division, intent on reclaiming her life.

* * *

A.N. 

Ichigo has not been paired with anyone in this or _Different Circumsta_nces, yet, and if he does appear he will not be paired with Orihime. That combination does not interest me.

A lot of the Zaraki/Matsumoto story. Yeah, I'm trying to establish background for the next few chapters.

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	9. No Love, New Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**No Love, New Friend**

Soi's behaviour at the Captains' meeting had shocked him. Her accusations, blatant disregard for the feelings of other people and total selfishness amazed him. She seemed to hate his lieutenant and he had no idea why. As far as he knew there had been little to no contact between them. When she had viciously uttered her accusations, he had been watching Zaraki, wondering if blood would be shed. When Zaraki had picked her up, he felt impelled to intervene, to protect Soi, but resisted. Not only would she reject any offer of assistance, it would indicate a regard for her that he did not feel. Strangely, he felt a pang of compassion for Captain Zaraki and a recognition that he cared deeply about Matsumoto.

That had been bad enough, but the day increasingly became worse. The Arrancar attack had not surprised him. Having fought against them, listened to their boastful words, he'd unwittingly expected the alarm, anticipated the attack on the Seireitei. He would have mentioned it to Matsumoto before it happened, but didn't have a chance. During the battle, he hadn't noticed anything unusual except the number of Hollows and Arrancar who seemed to have a personal interest in rending him limb from limb. Not for the first time he appreciated the strength of his bankai. Every so often, he would see the other members of his Division fighting valiantly, but he had been caught up in attempting to redeem as many souls as possible and protect those already present in Soul Society. Only after the Arrancar had withdrawn did he notice that both Zaraki and Matsumoto had disappeared.

As he walked back with his Division to their quarters, they swapped their hero stories, comparing the number of Hollows killed, the wounds inflicted and the near misses. Toshiro spoke to a few members, indicating his approval, or giving sharp reprimands to those who had been less than diligent. Even as he was doing this he continued to feel gratitude that the 2nd Division had not been assisting. Seeing Soi would cause that rush of mixed feelings he didn't want to examine.

His Division urged him to eat with them, to continue the discussion. Some of them seemed very stimulated as they had finally fought the enemy instead of hearing about their abilities or seeing images on the screen. Fighting was more interesting than watching. For once he accepted the invitation. He was hungry and the only thing awaiting him was more work without the regular Matsumoto distractions.

Once they were seated, the food served and drink flowing freely, the conversation became more general.

"I thought I saw Captain Ichimaru, I mean ex Captain Ichimaru during the fight," the man sitting next to him spoke quietly.

Toshiro looked at him sharply. "Are you sure?" The information made him feel a deep level of concern.

"No. I thought it was him, but he disappeared fast. It might have been him, or maybe I expected to see him because of the Arrancar and Hollows," the man tapped the end of the chopsticks against his chin, appearing Last in thought.

"I didn't see him, and no one else has mentioned him. Don't tell anyone. If he was here, he's gone now," Toshiro instructed. This news made him feel very uneasy and he immediately wanted to leave. "I remember something I have to do," he said rising to his feet.

"Hey Captain, we're having fun. Don't go yet, I want to see that move you made when the Hollow tried to slice you when you were wrestling with that Arrancar," one voice requested.

"No, there's an urgent matter I have to investigate," he said.

"Okay, you can go but don't forget to pay," one wag called.

"For the food, yes. You can pay for your own drink," Toshiro said. What did it matter? He had little on which he wished to spend money.

As he left he heard the sound of cheers as his Division toasted him. They were easily pleased.

Hurrying in the direction of 4th Division he wondered if the attack had been a diversion. It was possible that Aizen had heard of Momo's pregnancy and had arranged for her to be taken to Las Noches. It seemed unlikely, but he did not like to think of Momo being within the traitor's grasp, especially as she had still not recovered. If only he could find the way to tell her of her pregnancy, but he still hesitated.

"Toshiro! You came to visit me. I know you've been here before, but I was asleep most of the time. Kira was here. He left a few minutes ago," Momo seemed pleased to see him.

"Hi, Momo. How are you?" He had wished to see her awake, but suddenly he did not know what to say to her. Being in this room brought back memories of Soi.

"I feel strange. Kira kept telling me that my Captain tried to kill me. I know he's mistaken. It was Captain Ichimaru who hurt me. Captain Aizen would never hurt me; he's always been so protective of me. I'm sure it's a mistake and he'll return soon. The Seireitei seems empty without him; don't you think so, Toshiro?" Momo looked at him brightly.

He sat down, feeling uneasy. Soi had mentioned that Momo was delusional and that there seemed to be something wrong with her. Now he understood that while Soi may have been exaggerating, she was partially correct. His friend had trouble accepting reality. Finally he understood the concerns that Captain Unohana had mentioned to him about Momo's fragile state of mind. What could he say to her that would not upset her, or confuse her further?

A messenger appeared before him. "Captains' meeting in 10 minutes, Sir. Attend without fail," he said forcefully before leaving as rapidly as he arrived,

"But you only arrived. Do you really have to go so soon? I wanted to talk to you about what happened while you were away." It was evident that Momo was not happy about the summons.

"Yes, Momo. I do have to attend the meeting. Captain Aizen always obeyed his summons, didn't he," was his gentle reminder, hoping at least this argument might persuade her.

"Come back soon, Toshiro. I want you to tell me what's been happening. Tell me everything that's been happening to Captain Aizen." Momo said as he left.

He felt in need of a wash before the tedium of the meeting. Entering his quarters he removed the stains of battle. Another meeting so soon after the enmity of the last meeting and the cold interaction with Soi was less than appealing.

All too soon he found himself at 1st Division, preparing to explain about the Arrancar attack. Again the Captain's were assembled with one notable exception. He kept his eyes either on the wall or the floor, not wishing to be tempted to look at Soi.

"Where is Captain Zaraki? He should be here as he was not mentioned amongst the casualties," Yamamoto voiced his disapproval.

"I don't know," Toshiro said. Was he his brother Captain's keeper? Why did he feel the need to explain? Why did everyone expect him to provide all the answers?

"I am not pleased. I require a full update on the attack and it is the responsibility of each Captain to provide a report. There will be..." the Captain-General's tirade was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Ikkaku was ushered in and he provided the report for Captain Zaraki, including an explanation of the attack. He was panting heavily and had obviously run for some distance to deliver the account. He mopped his head continually; trying to remove the perspiration while attempting to be subtle and surreptitious. Toshiro noticed Captain Kuchiki's face became frozen with disdain each time Ikkaku tried to remove the sweat. The reaction to the news was mirrored in the faces of those Captains' Toshiro dared to look at. No one quite wanted to believe that their security had been breached so easily and the traitor's could return.

"Ichimaru was here? To abduct Lieutenant Rangiku?" The shock in Yamamoto's voice was mixed with another emotion. To Toshiro it sounded like satisfaction. "Where are the Captain and Lieutenant now? Did they return to the Seireitei?"

"One of my men told me he thought he'd seen Ichimaru. I told him to keep it quiet, Toshiro said, ignoring the second part of the Captain's questions.

Looking increasingly ill at ease, Ikkaku grudgingly mentioned that his Captain had decided to spend the night in Soul Society to be alone with his wife.

This news shocked Toshiro and from the expression on their faces many of the other Captains were concerned. First Ichimaru had returned to seize his former lover and then departed without achieving his object was alarming. The fact that Zaraki had been so short sighted as to stay in Soul Society with his wife was outrageous.

"Get them back here, now. Ichimaru wants the woman and they're unprotected." A few suppressed laughs burst out, but Yamamoto ignored them. "You, Hitsugaya, Madarame and Ukitake get some strong fighters and 'influence' them to return. Use force or kido if necessary. I want them here in half an hour."

After the preparation it was an anti-climax to find the Captain with his bride clutched firmly to his chest returning at full speed. The following meeting caused more discomfort for Toshiro than he wanted.

Again Zaraki demanded that his wife be moved to his Division, even if only temporarily. In doing so, Zaraki insulted him, indicating that he didn't trust Toshiro to be able to protect Matsumoto and intimated that he was weak. The man was obnoxious and the situation deteriorated even further. Insults and accusation began to fly between Zaraki and Matsumoto. The marriage that he'd witnessed only that morning was in acute trouble.

Every time he had to intervene he felt the situation unravel further. Zaraki was too angry to listen to reason and Matsumoto's temper was showing also. The Captain-General seemed loath to intervene.

Then, the unexpected. Until now he had managed to ignore Soi. It had been tough keeping his eyes firmly fixed elsewhere, but she had been quiet and that had made it easier.

Why Soi made the unexpected offer to allocate some of her special squad to watch and protect Matsumoto, Toshiro didn't know, nor would he ask her. Her voice sounded calm and reasoned, at odds with the virago who had spoken that morning. Despite his resolve he looked at her and felt a flicker of something. Was it a sense of loss, or relief? She was staring at Zaraki, her face sincere.

He had hoped the offer would dispel some of the tension in the room but the situation disintegrated further. He felt his anger begin to rise as Kurotsuchi began to speak, but could not intervene. The man was a weasel, waiting to attack when the victim was weakest. He insinuated that Ran was working with the traitors and she was only pretending to care about her husband. Ran was visibly upset by the accusations and Zaraki became more infuriated with each word uttered. It was a relief when he finished planting his poison and the Captain-General announced his decision and Matsumoto was allowed to leave. Toshiro and the other Captains, with the exception of Zaraki were dismissed soon after and Toshiro considered visiting his lieutenant to try to calm her down, but Captain Unohana was waiting to talk to him.

"Captain Hitsugaya, with your permission I would like to talk to Lieutenant Rangiku before her husband returns. Would you please try to make Captain Zaraki see sense and try to delay him?" She saw his hesitation. "Sometimes a woman understands better than a man."

He nodded and waited. The waiting was unfortunate as he had left early deliberately to avoid Soi. She emerged soon after Captain Unohana left.

"Captain Hitsugaya," she said curtly as she made to walk past him.

"Thank you, Captain Fong. That was a generous offer you made," he said politely as he tried not to look at her.

"It is only fair. Certain facts have come to my attention that encourage me believe I have misjudged Lieutenant Rangiku. Good day, Captain," her voice cool, her demeanour unyielding, Toshiro found he had to look at her. Their eyes met for a moment, emerald gazed into hazel and for a moment all the animosity he felt toward her disappeared.

"Soi, it doesn't have to be like this," he said quietly, trying to keep the pleading tone from his voice.

"Are you still planning on marrying Lieutenant Hinamori, Captain?" The blunt question demanded an honest response.

"I haven't asked her yet. I'm not sure…"

"Then we have nothing further to say to each other Captain Hitsugaya. Don't speak to me in future unless it is connected to an urgent matter that relates to our duties and responsibilities." Gazing straight ahead, Soi walked away, her bearing indicating her low tolerance for his company.

"Screw this. What was that about?" Toshiro thought feeling his face grow warm as he watched her small figure move further from him. For a moment he wished she was walking toward him, not increasing the distance between them.

Finally Zaraki emerged. His eyes were unfocused and he did not look very approachable.

"Captain…" Toshiro began.

"Get the fuck away from me, short arse. I don't want to bloody talk to you Hitsugaya. I'm going to 'talk' to my loving spouse and anything you have to say is irrelevant. Now, shift out of my way or I'll rearrange your intestines." Zaraki grabbed at Toshiro who swiftly stepped to one side, watching anxiously as the large Captain began to run to his quarters.

Not knowing what to do, he started to follow the Captain, wanting to prevent any bloodshed but Ikkaku and Yumichika appeared in front of him.

"News travels fast. Don't try to help, you'll only make it worse," Yumichika said solemnly. His face was very serious and he did not preen or even seem aware of his beauty.

"I thought you might try to follow. Ran chose him, he chose her. If you try to intervene, they won't last and our Captain needs her. We'll listen, we'll observe. If she is as in love with him, as I think she is, she'll turn it around," Ikkaku said, his face was hard.

They nodded at him and turned, speeding after their captain. Toshiro stood there, slightly at a loss, dumbfounded and slightly jealous of the regard these men held for their captain and their concern for his wellbeing.

"Now there's someone who looks like he needs a friend. Captain, you've had a busy time of it. Want to sit down and talk about it? If Nanao sees me with another Captain, she might not nag me about proper conduct, or the work I should be doing. We don't even have to talk, I'd like some quiet after those meetings."

The unexpected voice and the unanticipated offer made Toshiro's spirit lift a minute amount. "Captain Kyoraku; it's an unexpected offer and I accept."

"Good, then let's leave here quickly. I sense a certain Captain approaching and I don't want his company. Even when he sticks in the walls I feel his loathsome reiatsu proclaiming his presence. Your office? Nanao won't look for me there. You do have sake don't you?" The smile on the face of the 8th Division Captain was furtive but sincere.

Arriving at his office he ushered the other Captain in and urged him to sit while pouring him a drink. He watched as his visitor swirled the liquid before sipping it. "Good stuff. I suppose it belongs to Ran? I thought so," he said as Toshiro nodded in answer to the question.

Sitting there in his quiet office watching his brother captain sip sake he recognised the truth in the statement he had made earlier. It was refreshing to experience the quiet after the two meetings and the battle with the Arrancar. Shunsui might wear a woman's kimono and appear to be dominated by his lieutenant, but Toshiro had always believed there was more to the man than that. He was a soothing companion, not babbling with inane conversation but he shortly broke the silence.

"A long day, with too many events. I must apologise, Captain. I visited Captain Fong and spoke to her about your Lieutenant. Ran's my friend and I don't like to hear people talk about her the way Captain Fong did. I think Kenpachi scared her when he picked her up because she seemed terrified to be alone in a room with me. The Captain insisted that some of her strongest people waited outside in case I got violent. Hell, I wouldn't want to fight her. I've seen her in action, and she's good, but she has some strange views on your subordinate. She seemed very suspicious and was convinced that Ran was not honest or trustworthy but I managed to convince her of Ran's integrity. Soi's found it hard since Yoruichi left and seems to be lonely. I don't think she has many friends and that's sad. Her offer of protection was by way of an apology to the Captain and Lieutenant. You will let them know, won't you, if the marriage lasts until the end of the day," sipping the sake, Shunsui smiled broadly, seemingly relaxed about the outcome of events.

"Of course." What other answer could he provide? The information was not what he had expected from this encounter.

"You've fought with a number of Arrancar. Are they that different from Hollows? I've seen all the data, but watching is nothing like experiencing. Have a drink with me, I hate to drink alone," the expectant look required an honest answer and to deny the request seemed rude.

After the previous evening, Toshiro was reluctant to drink anything. Temporising, he set out some snacks and poured a very small measure of sake for himself before he spoke. He concentrated more on the food than the drink. "Think of it this way: fighting a Hollow is like fighting an unseated Shinigami and battling an Arrancar is comparable to combating a Captain," Toshiro tried to explain as best he could.

The man whistled appreciatively. "That might be interesting if I ever manage to get away from Nanao. I wonder if Kenpachi enjoyed it; he does like fighting."

They lapsed into silence again. The earlier mention of Soi made Toshiro's thoughts stray in her direction. He knew this Captain's reputation with women and wondered if he would be able to offer some advice.

"Are all women impossible to understand?" The words were out of his mouth before he could recall them. That was too damned revealing.

The Captain smiled widely. "That depends on whether you are asking about every woman; or one in particular?"

The answer didn't make any sense to Toshiro. "What do you mean? I'm asking about women."

"The wording of the question is general, the intensity of the question means you are thinking about one lady in particular. It's a different answer if you're asking in general to one in particular." Leaning forward, Shunsui replenished both their drinks. "Ah, women," he said expansively. "Are you having trouble understanding Ran? She's not as complicated as some; she's too damn honest for her own good. But I don't think she's the one you're thinking about."

"No, not her," Toshiro sipped at his cup, momentarily realising he was drinking more than he had wished. The question had distracted him and made him instinctively raise the cup to his lips. He'd substitute water for sake when the cup was empty.

"Aha. It is a specific question, not general. To give a broad answer women are not impossible to understand. It's possible, but to understand all of them, you have to start by appreciating one. That can take a lifetime or minutes. It depends on how much you wish to delve into the character of the lady." A reminiscent grin crossed the Captain's face as he spoke. "Who is she?"

Toshiro thought furiously. He did not wish to express an interest in anyone. "No one. I was just curious after today. I never thought of Zaraki getting married, especially not to my lieutenant."

A light laugh greeted his answer. "An interesting lie, Toshiro. I can call you that, can't I?"

He felt his anger quicken at the charge. "I don't lie."

"Maybe it's not a lie, but it's not the truth either. If you are interested in a particular female, be very careful. One woman can destroy your life."

Toshiro decided to turn the tables. "You only say that because of your lieutenant."

"No, I don't let her destroy my life. I cajole her, make her feel special, flirt with her, but, ultimately, I ignore her. She feels important, believes that she orders my life, but she knows nothing." Shunsui was extraordinarily relaxed as he made the statement. He leant back in his chair, arms behind his head, his whole body indicating his peaceful mood.

"But, I thought you and your lieutenant…."

"That's exactly what I want everyone to think and I'm glad to hear it's working. It's easy to pretend I care when people are around. Nanao and I? Not in all my lifetimes. If I could select a different lieutenant, I would. At one time I wished to approach you about swapping because Ran is much more relaxed about things, and better company. I'd prefer to plunge my cock into dry ice it than try to insert it into Nanao. The dry ice wouldn't expect anything in return and it wouldn't nag me and the pain would be considerably less. God, fucking her would be like taking a test and she'd tell me how I could improve all the time. I prefer passion rather than logic. Nanao would be better suited to some one like you, Toshiro."

"I don't want her," the words were out of Toshiro's mouth before he could stop them, "as my lieutenant or anything else."

"Who would? That's what I mean. She's as sexy as a man trap, but at least you can get released from the trap." Tilting his head back so that the hat fell from his head he sighed loudly. "I keep hoping that something will happen so she's moved. Are you sure you don't want to swap?"

"Hell, no. Matsumoto at least has a sense of humour and is as you say honest and a person who you can spend time with. I I like her."

"You're lucky. I don't like Nanao, but I have to pretend I do to keep her sweet. She's a frigid, irritating, nasty bitch. Sometimes I fantasise she'll be offered a Captain's position, but she can't bankai and she'd be crap to work for. No one would want to work with her, either. I could send her to Las Noches. Maybe the Arrancar will like her, or maybe we can get someone to romance her, distract her, and get her off my back."

"So who it your interest, Shunsui?" If he didn't ask he might never find out. He doubted that Shunsui would provide that information.

The 8th Division Captain was in the middle of pouring sake and he jerked, spilling some on the table as Toshiro asked the question. "I should have expected that query," his face broke into a smile. "Tell me who you want to understand and I might tell you."

Shaking his head firmly Toshiro felt his face flush. "I'm not interested in understanding any one woman. I was curious, that's all."

"My interest will remain my secret, but I wouldn't have told you anyway. So, sudden change of subject, can you recommend anyone to sweet talk my lieutenant? You've turned down the suggestion, but there must be someone who could like her." The question was asked in a serious tone.

"You're kidding aren't you?"

"If it makes Nanao easier to cope with, no. Zaraki and Renji are not available, you're not interested, I'm not interested and Captain Kurotsuchi is just too abnormal."

Smiling slightly at his idea, Toshiro suggested, "Captain Kuchiki or Captain Yamamoto might be possibilities. I'm not serious, but..."

"The Captain-General! Why didn't I think of it earlier? She loves power and powerful men. Byakuya wouldn't favour her, that's for sure, but she'd be very interested in the Captain-General. How do I arrange it? How can I even get him to look at her? Let's think about it tonight and we'll get together tomorrow to talk about it. Nanao's taken to following me when I go to relax, so if I visit you she won't know, and I can have some peace. My drinking buddies are sick of her interruptions and told me I can't join them again until she stops barging in. God, if Ran had been there she would have got rid of Nanao, fast," Shunsui was already planning. "I told my lieutenant to quit it, but she never fucking listens to me, unless I say what she wants to hear. If she's got something or better, someone else to think about I can get my life back."

For a moment, Toshiro felt like rejecting the offer, but the offer of company was welcome. The silly idea might occupy him and it would mean he had something to look forward to the following day and it might make him focus on something other than Soi and Momo. "Fine, but you bring the sake tomorrow. I wonder if it's possible for Yamamoto to romance anyone."

"There's got to be a way. He must have a weakness," Shunsui rose to his feet and drained the last of his sake. "See you tomorrow, Toshiro." He nodded slightly and left.

After his departure, Toshiro found he was gazing at the wall, lost in thought about how he could unite the unlikely couple of Nanao and Yamamoto. It wouldn't be possible, would it?

* * *

A.N.

This story takes place around the same time and in the same AU as _Different Circumstances. _Events in that story impact on the events that take place in this one and vice versa. To understand it all you have to read both. Should I apologise? Nah, saying sorry is for wimps and people who pretend they care.

To reiterate, Ichigo if he appears will not be paired with Yoruichi, Tatsuki or Orihime. There's a list of others, but thinking about it irks me. The adjunct Soi nicks the food from, in the previous chapter, is her lieutenant, Oomaeda Marechiyo.

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	10. Lost Love, Lost Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine_

**Lost Love, Lost Friend**

He'd done something stupid after Shunsui departed. He knew it was stupid both before he did it, while he did it and after he did it, but despite his recognition that his action was one that would have been dismissed as idiotic by a drunken moron on flu medication, he did not pause. It was only luck that he was still alive and not adding to the vacancies in the Captain's ranks and he blamed Shunsui because it was his influence that made him drink. Alcohol was the enemy. After Shunsui had left that evening, Toshiro had gone for a walk to clear his mind. The alcohol had made him feel relaxed, too relaxed and he had walked toward the place he had met with Soi. All the time he was walking, enjoying the night air, he knew he should return to his quarters to sleep.

"I need to recover my equilibrium and then I can sleep. It doesn't matter where I walk; I just want to walk. I can see if there's any activity that seems suspect," was the justification he used. Then he stopped, blinking hard. The excuse seemed to be suddenly apt as he thought he saw movement up ahead, a familiar walk, but the figure was wearing a hat and the ends of a scarf dangled over the shoulders as it moved swiftly out of his sight. It seemed to be moving toward 12th Division, but while he tried to think who the person might be, his memory stubbornly would not conjure the name or face.

Toshiro went to investigate, mindful of the Arrancar attack earlier in the day and curious if the sake in his bloodstream was causing his mind to see phantoms. When he reached the end of the street, there was no one there. Leaping onto the rooftops, he again surveyed the area to see if he could see any suspicious movement, but there was nothing to be seen. Standing there he kept scrutinising the area to make certain that he was not being fooled by a clever use of kido. A breeze blew and the moon slid behind a cloud, momentarily darkening the streets, but no other movement could be seen.

Giving up, he continued on, feeling increasingly foolish. "I'm jumping at shadows and imagining things that aren't there because I know what I'm about to do is dumb. I'm going to a place because I just want to see if Soi's there. She won't be, I'm acting like a fool, but I need to talk to her once more and try to at least establish something less antagonistic between us. If I try to see her in her Division she will find some excuse and she won't see me, no matter what excuse I use."

His hand on the doorknob, he hesitated, and then pushed the door open. Soi was sitting on a chair at the table, her back to the door, the hunched posture proclaiming her despondency. Her Captain's coat was slung over the bed.

The alcohol was singing in his body and he did something he'd often contemplated during that short time they were together. Moving up quietly behind her, he slipped his hand through the slits at the side of her uniform, one moving to cover a breast while the other moving further south.

Soi's reaction was instantaneous. She wrenched away from his hands and drew her zanpaku-to, turning and levelling the blade at his neck. His quick movement deflected the blade but her defensive reaction did not settle once she recognised him and she immediately stated, "Suzume-Bachi."

A butterfly mark blossomed under the cut of the blade on Toshiro's right side. Drawing his zanpaku-to grudgingly he fended off her next attack. "You should have stuck it in my throat," he accused wishing he had not followed his inclinations. He didn't want to fight the woman, unless the fighting led to something else.

They fought furiously for some minutes, Soi trying to stab him while Toshiro twisted and turned out of the way, not trying to hurt her, but trying to defend himself against her clever fighting and unexpected attacks.

"Can we stop?" he panted, wondering what was driving her to attack him so ferociously. He was worried that the alcohol would affect his reactions and make him vulnerable to her rapid strikes.

"I want to hurt you. You deserve death Toshiro for what you've done," her wrathful accusation startled him.

"You started it. I only asked for you to guard Momo. I didn't expect any of this to happen," he argued while driving back her blade. He felt quite annoyed. Why was it his fault? He'd never expected sex to be part of the deal.

Slipping past his guard, the hornet sting lodged high in his thigh. Any higher and more to the centre and it might have caused a different problem and an embarrassing wound. "What the hell were you aiming for?" he shouted at her. "I'll go. This isn't worth dying over."

"Yes it is," her voice was short of a scream and she lunged at him again. "Goddamn you Toshiro! I hate you. I hate you and everything about you."

She hated him? He had never thought she liked him, but now she hated him? "I hate you too. I can't stand being in the same room as you," he lied. He again dodged another blow.

Soi dropped her guard, panting from the fight. "You hate me? Then why did you come here?" Her eyes observed him closely, expecting another attack, but he didn't press his advantage.

"Why did you come here?" Toshiro asked her, trying to catch his breath while wondering at her reason. He knew she didn't need him and had been the one to reject him first. He rubbed at the marks left by her blade, ignoring the sting of the pain and the blood seeping from the wounds.

They glared at each other, both unwilling to answer the question.

"Why did you come here?" Soi demanded again.

He hoped that if he answered it would break the impasse. Standing here, glaring at Soi, wasn't getting him anywhere. "I don't know. I was walking and ended up here. I didn't know you'd be here but I want to talk to you," he countered with a mixture of truth and lies.

"Talk? A pleasant discussion about what? How much we hate each other? Why you constantly interfere with my life? How quickly you can die?" Her face twisted into a grimace as she glowered at him and then sheathed her zanpaku-to.

"You're not going to kill me?" The levity of the question was a mistake, but he was trying to try to lighten the mood.

As she sat on the bed, Soi shook her head. "Not yet. I don't feel like explaining to the Captain General why I had to kill a Captain. I don't think he'll believe you're co-operating with the traitors."

Toshiro, knowing he was doing something foolish went and sat on the bed near Soi. "I don't want to be enemies."

She laughed mirthlessly. "It's too late for that." The strength of her denial made it hard to oppose her words.

"What should I do? This is not working out the way I wanted," he spoke the words aloud not realising he was uttering his thoughts.

"The way you wanted? Is it all about you? It's not working out the way I wanted either. There, we've talked. You can go now."

Trying to think of something to say, he stared at the wall and then looked at Soi. Each time he managed to look at something other than the woman he found his eyes straying back to her. He hoped she wouldn't notice his erection. "I don't hate you." As he said the words he recognised that he should not drink, ever. If the alcohol hadn't dropped his inhibitions he would never have said that.

"I don't care how you frigging feel about me, or anything else. What will it take to get you to leave? If I fuck you, will you go?" Her tone was disinterested but her eyes glittered.

"Yes," he agreed immediately, not allowing his mind to advise him that this was a really bad idea and then he didn't have a chance to think about anything. Soi pounced on him, stripping him quickly, while he tried to remove her clothes, fumbling in his haste. Before they were fully naked Soi pushed him on his back, touching the places where her zanpaku-to had sliced him, removing her mark and sealing them shut with a quick shot of kido.

"I don't want you bleeding all over me when we fuck," she said as she was preparing to mount him when he grabbed her by her hips, holding her still.

"For once, just once, since this will be the last time I guess," and receiving the nod of agreement, "can I decide what happens? I don't want it to be fast and over. Let's take our time, there's nowhere else neither of us need to be."

"I don't even want you to be here and you want to take your time?" Soi sighed loudly in disgust and lay down. "Do what you want. Just make sure I come and then you can go. I don't want to talk to you afterward and if you visit here again, make sure I'm not here." She shut her eyes and lay impassive.

Toshiro lay down beside her and embraced her gently, kissing her on her closed mouth. She tolerated him for a few minutes and then pushed him away. "I want sex, not a kiss. Could you speed this up?"

"God, Soi, you can be a bitch. You're spoiling the mood. Do you want to make this as unpleasant as possible?" Toshiro asked, annoyed at her reaction. If she hadn't wanted sex, why did she make the offer? If he wasn't so hard, he'd leave.

"Mood? What damned mood are you talking about? If I let you fuck me then you'll leave. The sooner we fuck, the sooner I come and the sooner you go. I think it's pretty easy to understand, even for a person who is going to marry an id…. Momo," Soi did not bother opening her eyes or looking at him as she answered.

Feeling a flare of anger at her near insult to Momo, he pushed her legs apart and kneeling between them plunged into her, angry, horny and determined to make her come, screaming in pleasure.

He could see why she tried to mount him and had offered sex as an inducement to make him leave. She was so very slick and hot and that made him plunge into her furiously, angry at both of them for being unable to deny their desire, even when they actively disliked each other.

"Yes, like that. Why didn't you do that in the first place? The way you were talking made me think you were going soft," she said arching her hips up to meet him.

"I'm not," he said closing his eyes trying to relish every moment of having sex with Soi. She felt good, welcoming almost, though she only wanted the sex, she had never wanted him. "I don't like you at all except for fucking you."

"Shut up and screw me, Toshiro. You can kiss me, if you must," Soi said in her dismissive voice and spoilt her cool response with a groan.

Opening his eyes he found he was again gazing into her eyes, clouded by passion and another emotion he guessed was anger. He kept his eyes fixed on hers as he slowed, unhurriedly withdrew and then gradually pushed back into her, many times. Feeling her muscles clench around him as he moved, he became attuned to her response. She was eagerly meeting his thrusts and did not complain that he had lessened his speed but her eyes seemed to be asking for something more.

Stopping, he bent his mouth to hers, kissing her, thinking only of the kiss and how he'd hungered for her mouth even when she was insulting him and his friends; even during the meeting when she had acted like a harpy, he'd wished he could kiss her. The kiss of farewell that they had never shared.

Briefly he felt Soi tense under him and expected that she would again push him away, refuse the kiss, but her lips softened and parted as her mouth returned the attention. Toshiro forgot to breathe as Soi's tongue sought his and the kiss gradually extended into something that was affecting him strangely. He wanted the kiss to continue, but forgetting to breathe made it impossible and he was forced to remove his mouth. As he panted a little again he found he was staring into Soi's eyes and feeling something tug at the base of his neck. This time she placed her hands on the back of his head and kissed him with an urgency he had not expected from her. Fortunately he allowed his lungs to continue to intake and exhale air as their tongues slid against each other, caressing, teasing, playing little catch games. It was Soi's turn to break the kiss.

"Are you going to keep screwing me or not, Toshiro?" The harshness of the words after the bewildering gentleness and fervour of the kiss made him tense, involuntarily thrusting into her as his spine stiffened.

Bemused he tried to kiss her again but she turned her head to one side, refusing to meet his eyes. "No. No more kissing. I want this over and your thing out of my body….after you make me come, of course."

The words inflamed and infuriated Toshiro. For a brief time he had thought they were sharing something more than their bodies, but her words exposed his error. Resentment boiled within him as she again dismissed him as something only to be used to bring gratification. The sex became cruel as he continued to piston into her, seeking only his pleasure, but his disregard affected Soi unexpectedly, making her claw at him with desire as she writhed under his strokes while responding with something resembling passion. Her heaving body moved against him, as she found her release, stifling her screams against her hand.

Closing his eyes in order not to witness her content or contempt, he concentrated on how close he was. He was about to lose himself in his orgasm when Soi spoke.

"I've come. You can go now," her ill timed words interrupting his thoughts.

It was too late to stop and he climaxed as he thrust once more into her body, but most of his enjoyment was lost. How could she have done that? Why did she do that? Retreating from her, he rose quickly and dressed. There was no point in postponing his departure to try to attempt to heal the rift between them. Her words, her actions had made it clear that there could be no reconciliation, or even friendship, between them. Even if he apologised she would reject the apology and he did not see that he had done anything wrong, except to handle her unexpectedly and ask her advice on marrying Momo. She had attacked him, insulted his friends, himself and dismissed him as if he were little more than a prostitute.

Leaving he shut the door firmly. He would not return; no inducement would be strong enough for him to overlook her actions, words and behaviour. Pausing for a moment he thought he heard someone sobbing, but immediately dismissed the idea that it might be Soi. There was nothing that could penetrate the shell with which she had encased herself. He listened intently, but the sound had faded and he could not discern from which direction it had come.

The memory of that experience was like a metal splinter in his mind. Sharp, painful and very difficult to remove. When he had returned to his room he'd slept, exhausted and unhappy with his life.

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The days that followed were even worse. The interlude with Soi was only one of the disasters that seemed to fall into his hands.

At first the day afterward had been pleasant. The office was quiet without the addition of his lieutenant and he decided that there was no reason to work as hard as he normally did. What did it matter if the paperwork was completed? Nothing seemed important except when he experienced the sudden flashes of memory of the previous evening with Soi.

Every time the memory replayed he found his shoulders tensing and his blood pressure increasing. Damn the woman, she was a malicious, evil creature who had no understanding of compassion or love.

Had he really thought that word? No, it was a mistake. It had been a mistake then, it was a mistake now. Love was not a word that should feature in his thoughts.

Then, the party had happened. Apparently Ikkaku and Yumichika were correct and Zaraki and Matsumoto had not ended their marriage. Unexpectedly 11th Division decided to celebrate the marriage of their captain and each of the Divisions were supposed to provide food. Why did he have to provide food? He wasn't a cook. Grumbling he called his seated adjuncts and discussed the matter with them. This led to more irritation. As a result of the conversation, Toshiro found himself in a kitchen attempting to steam rice and make sushi. He didn't even like the stuff, had never tried to prepare it and now he was making it for a wedding he didn't wish to acknowledge. His adjuncts worked on creating rice balls and other snacks he knew Matsumoto enjoyed and he was stuck with the sushi.

None of the components were cooperating. "Frigging stupid rice. Get into the seaweed. You're supposed to be sushi, not rice on top of seaweed. Why is the fish falling out? Who eats sushi anyway?" Toshio's voice was increasing in volume as he continued to struggle with the sushi ingredients. His hair was flopping into his eyes and all the aggression he was feeling the previous night was feeding into his frustration.

"Captain, I don't like to interrupt while you're insulting the sushi, but do you need my help?" His 5th seat asked politely, very politely while staying a fair distance from Toshiro.

Toshiro looked up, his face felt hot and he was sure he was perspiring. "Yes, I damn well need help. This stuff is not cooperating, which reminds me of a few people I know."

His adjunct quailed under his glare and stepped back even further. "If you'd like to take a few minutes, I might be able to sort this out," he quavered uncertainly. "I think you should remove the rice from your hair and face, um, Sir."

Throwing the disobedient sushi onto the bench, Toshiro stalked irritably to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. "How the hell did rice get in my hair?" He remembered running his hands through his hair in a fit of irritation when the roll had collapsed for the 3rd time.

Washing his hands and face removed most of the rice, but removing the sticky grains from his hair took more time. When he finished he returned to the kitchen to find all his seated officers working on the sushi. He noted with relief that all his failed attempts had been thrown out. They were using the bamboo mats to roll the sushi.

"So that's what they were for. I couldn't work it out and thought they were used in the presentation," he thought. "Maybe that's why it wouldn't work for me."

"Thanks, but I thought I was supposed to make that," he protested aloud, not very strongly.

"You did most of the work, Captain Hitsugaya. We just helped out at the end," another adjunct explained smoothly.

"Gee, Captain, your reiatsu was really spiking there," his 7th seat remarked.

"Shut up, you idiot. You don't mention things like that to the Captain when he's gone icy and angry. Don't you know anything?" was another ill thought comment from a senior adjunct, who then gulped and attempted to blend into the background.

"Shut the hell up, both of you. I apologise that these people made such unfortunate comments, Sir. Do you wish for them to be disciplined?" his 3rd seat enquired.

"Yeah, make them eat the sushi I prepared." Toshiro was feeling nasty and didn't appreciate the personal comments.

"But it's been in the garba…. Yes, Sir, immediately Sir," the one who mentioned his reiatsu said.

He watched as the two highly distressed men ate the disgusting mess he had created, made even more unappetising by its contact with the rubbish. His 3rd seat had removed it from where it was sitting at the top of the other refuse and put it on a plate. From their expressions it was evident that the two men were reluctant to touch the food, but their fear of him was greater than their revulsion.

The look on their faces brought him a grim satisfaction and he waited until they had consumed at least 3 mouthfuls. "Now go and force yourself to vomit, to rid your bodies of that. Have you never been told not to eat out of the garbage?" he said smugly as he saw their eyes darken. They ran to the bathroom and it was some time before they emerged, red, shaking and pouring with sweat, their eyes leaking water. They may have learnt their lesson, in this instance.

Looking at the time he noticed there were a few hours before the party was due to commence. "I will allow you some free time before the festivities tonight. You will arrive at the appointed hour. At all times keep in mind that you are representing 10th Division and therefore I expect you to show some restraint."

"What about a wedding present?" his 3rd seat asked.

"We will organise that once the lieutenant has returned to work. I think it would be sensible to enquire what the newly wed couple require rather than give them a set of gold plated chopsticks that will never be used," he said with determination. "I heard someone mention it as suitable, but I cannot foresee Captain Zaraki welcoming such a gift."

His adjuncts bowed and left and Toshiro strolled back to his quarters where he sought rest. Sleep was better than being awake and the night ahead would be long. The party would be an occasion when he was forced to be civil to Soi and he was aware that he did not wish to be civil to her. The rush of anger and lust he felt when he thought of her was an unpleasant mix and he hoped that sleep would even his mood. Seeing her would put in that unpleasant quandary of wishing to fight or fuck her and he desired to do neither. His emotions were too raw.

His sleep was fitful and unpleasant dreams intruded too often to provide rest. For some reason he dreamt of the former captain of the 3rd Division. When he woke he rationalised the dream, deciding it was because Matsumoto was finally free from her adoration of the man and the dream was a reaction to the sense of relief he felt.

Then he checked his thought. Relief? He was relieved that Matsumoto was married, not resentful? Even though she had married a man he had never considered as her partner, it was obvious that Zaraki loved her, passionately, just like he loved…….

Swearing, he choked off that thought. He was overtired from recent events. That was the explanation. "I want to talk to Matsumoto. If there's a chance tonight I will, but she'll be taken up with her husband." Hopefully if he sat next to his lieutenant, Soi would sit far away from them both.

Before he left to attend the party, a messenger arrived to report that a shinigami from 11th Division had disappeared and could not be found. A few other strange events had occurred and one of the gate guards had been found unconscious the previous evening. No one had seen, heard or noticed anything.

For a brief interlude he remembered the short glimpse he had of the familiar figure the previous evening. It had only been a brief sighting and he had an uneasy feeling about who the person might be, but no matter how hard he tried to match the memory with a person, the connection would not be made.

Arriving outside the bathhouse, he saw the place was packed. Quickly he made his way to Shunsui who was talking to Captain Ukitake, trying not to observe where Soi might be. They were discussing the food they had prepared and who was providing the drink.

"I heard that all the drinks were provided by an anonymous benefactor to wish the couple well. Anonymous gifts are unusual, but in this case very welcome. We won't have to watch what we drink tonight and there's plenty of food," Captain Ukitake was explaining.

"Had any interesting thoughts, Toshiro," Shunsui was smiling at him languidly, as his lieutenant lurked in the background.

Instantly he knew what he meant. "No. I was too busy making sushi."

"I got the wedding cake. I thought it would be nice for Ran. The rest of the Division made desert. Hey, darling sweet Nanao, could you get me a cold drink? Please?" He cooed at his lieutenant.

She smiled grudgingly at him. "You should get it yourself," she said, not moving.

"Oh, Nanao, your cruel words cut me. Toshiro, will you help me carry drinks?" Shunsui asked plaintively. "What drink do you want sweet, sweet Nanao?"

"Some water."

Following the man in the flowered coat Toshiro wondered. He had been very attentive to a woman he protested he hated. If it was an act, it was very convincing. "Are you sure you don't like Nanao?" he asked quietly.

Shunsui grinned at him. "I told you last night. As I said then, I try to keep her sweet. She's still trying to find out where I went last night. Tonight she'll keep her beady eyes on me, just you watch, and then she'll try to stop me drinking. Hey, there's Yamamoto. Look, Nanao's noticed him. She does like power, she can hardly take her eyes off him, but he's ignoring her. Oh, no he's not, he's seen something that interests him. The happy couple are emerging from the bathhouse where they've spent the afternoon. Zaraki's holding her hand tightly. Does he think she's going to run away?"

They watched the Captain-General greet the newlyweds, heard his brief speech and then sat down. As he had planned he sat next to his lieutenant who seemed happy. She even scolded her husband once or twice in a sweet way and Zaraki didn't seem to notice when she corrected him. He just gazed at her and smiled, often touching her or whispering something in her ear that made her look at him fixedly, a flush colouring her cheeks. Toshiro wished they would control their behaviour, it was very distracting, and he found their obvious ardour was causing him to look for Soi. To make his mind work on something different, he tried the repellent green stew.

"That's nasty," he told his lieutenant as he spat it onto the ground. It was vile and he suspected that Kurotsuchi had made it. He noticed that the man was eating the stuff with every sign of enjoyment.

The taste of the stew remained in his mouth and Toshiro was drinking anything non-alcoholic that was offered to remove its taste. When the flavour was finally overcome, he became aware how he was feeling increasingly weary despite his afternoon nap. It felt strange, not like he was tired, but fuzzy in the head. Looking up he noticed muzzily that the person serving drinks seemed familiar, but he couldn't place him.

He was talking to, or trying to talk to, Shunsui who was sitting beside him. It was hard to concentrate on what he was talking about, let alone what his friend was saying in response, when he noticed Matsumoto clambering to her feet. Staggering slightly she lurched over to the table where the drinks had been placed. Shrugging he returned to the increasingly disjointed discussion regarding the recent Arrancar attack, when he heard a commotion. Looking in the direction Matsumoto had taken, he saw Yachiru being stabbed by the man who had been serving drinks.

"Oh, bugger. That's Ichimaru and he has Ran," Shunsui exclaimed and tripped over while attempting to get to his feet.

Toshiro leant on the table, trying to get his legs to obey while he watched the incredulous look on Zaraki's face as the negacion came down and lifted Ichimaru and Matsumoto out of the Seireitei. At least there could be no doubt in anyone's mind that the abduction was agreeable to Matsumoto. She was struggling against her former lover while he held a blade at her throat his other arm holding her tightly against him. The look of despair, love, and terror she cast at Zaraki, before she vanished, was not lost on Toshiro.

Kurotsuchi seemed to be slower in reacting than all the others, only turning to see the abduction at the last moment, but Toshiro imagined that could be due to whatever was affecting all of them. "It is paramount I remain conscious so I can take action," he thought as his head slumped to the table and oblivion overwhelmed him.

Upon waking with a violent headache, he heard violent swearing and the familiar feel of Zaraki's reiatsu peaking as he expressed his fury.

"I'm fucking going after her old man. Don't try to stop me unless you want me to rip your head off and stuff it up your sodding arse," was the first coherent sentence he could make out. "It's only luck and Retsu's quick action that saved Yachiru's from dying and you want me to wait? I'm not leaving my wife in those traitorous bastards' hands. They'll hurt her and I promised I'd take care of her and told her there was no fucking thing to worry about. She was here, among the might of the Gotei 13, and she was still bloody snatched while we all sat here like frigging statues. I've got to get her back, don't you understand?"

"You will wait until the expedition is assembled properly. I agree that you will be a member, but you have to remain until the passageway is stabilised. I want you to agree to return the traitors, alive, to face their rightful punishment. Threatening me will not make me agree, Captain. Be realistic. She is only one Shinigami and you can retrieve her in a few days," Yamamoto replied, anger tinging his words, though he sounded as if he was trying to keep his voice calm.

"She might be dead in a few days. I can't risk it and I won't. I love her," Zaraki's face was centimetres from his superior officer as he yelled at him.

Toshiro felt moved. He'd never expected to hear that admission from Zaraki and he didn't even seem embarrassed or worried who heard. He almost offered to help him because he experienced a deep worry about how his lieutenant would be treated in Hueco Mundo. Zaraki was right to worry.

"That's not important. Feelings do not matter. I'll show you where the bridge is being built so you can monitor the progress, if you wish. It would be suicidal to use it before it is complete and there will be other consequences if you make the attempt," was the frigid retort.

Toshiro watched them leave and saw Zaraki follow the old man up a street continuing to argue furiously. "Why is he showing him where it is if he doesn't want him to use it?" he thought.

"Why is he showing Captain Zaraki where it is if he doesn't want him to use it?" a voice said to his right.

Turning he saw Soi was near him, her eyes following the two men and she seemed unaware of whom she had addressed.

"I don't know, but I'm positive that Zaraki will use it before it's ready. I think I better go with him and try to make sure he returns alive. I'll try to persuade him not to cut the traitors into tiny little pieces," Retsu replied.

Toshiro realised that Soi was not talking to him, but to the Captain of the 4th Division.

"Should I come too?" he offered, worried about his lieutenant.

"No. I think you should work with Captain Fong on keeping Yamamoto distracted. Create diversions when he asks about us," Retsu suggested, smiling at them while frowning with worry at the same time.

That statement made Toshiro's heart sink. Working on anything with Soi was problematic. After his last disastrous encounter with her and his unexpected and unacknowledged feelings regarding the 2nd Division Captain, he didn't want to spend any time with her.

* * *

A.N. 

This story takes place around the same time and in the same AU as _Different Circumstances. _Events in that story impact on the events that take place in this one and vice versa. To understand it all you have to read both.

Bugger. I'd hoped that by now I would have caught up with _Different Circumstances_, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

Really disappointed at the lack of reviews for this story. I like reviews.


	11. Forget Love, Mourn Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Forget Love, Mourn Friend**

"I will help, but it would look artificial if we both try to keep Captain Yamamoto preoccupied at the same time. We should take it in turn," was the speedy response from Soi, who appeared unconcerned at the request.

Until now, he had not experienced feeling relief and disappointment at the same time. It was a strange combination of emotions. He glanced at Soi who was staring at Captain Unohana with decision written clear on her face. The 4th Division lieutenant was in attendance of her captain and he noticed she seemed tired, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she swayed on her feet.

"I see. I imagine Zaraki will wish to leave soon. He was griping about how long it took me to develop the antidote to the drug that was in all the drinks supplied by the anonymous benefactor. It was complex and required much analysis. Fortunately I noticed it was very similar to one that had been developed by 12th Division many years ago to counteract a problem they were having with the Quincy's. If I hadn't I would still be working on it. Still 10 hours is a long time to work on an antidote. I believe that both of you should invent ways to distract the Captain General," Captain Unohana said worriedly.

It was not until then that Toshiro noticed that it was morning. He had been too preoccupied by his headache and the fast moving events. Grabbing a drink from the table he lifted it to his lips, but paused.

"Don't worry, Captain. All the remaining contaminated drinks have been destroyed," Isane said and yawned once more. "We still don't know who donated them."

He gulped at the drink, feeling the bad taste in his mouth get washed away by the cold liquid, but his headache remained. Then he recalled clearly that his lieutenant, his friend, had been taken to a place where she had no friends. Did Ichimaru really come for her because he loved her, or was there another reason? He felt the cold space within him grow as he realised Matsumoto might never return. He might never hear her laugh again. It wasn't that he didn't think Zaraki would try to rescue her, but the chances she was alive and the man would succeed, were not great.

The two men were returning from where the passageway was located. Zaraki was no longer yelling but his face wore a determined look and he was ignoring the advice that Yamamoto was trying to give him.

"If you go now you will be risking your life. I'll get extra people to work the passage and it might be ready in two days, less if I manage to enlist those who are talented at kido. Just wait, Captain. Don't allow this minor event to affect the mission," Yamamoto voice was teetering on the edge of anger and he was containing himself with only great effort.

"Yeah, whatever," Zaraki said dismissively, obviously not accepting the advice of his superior. He went to a nearby table and lifting it up, threw it against a wall. The noise of the impact hurt Toshiro's head and he watched as it splintered into pieces which showered onto the ground.

"Because you're angry, you're going to break furniture?" the disbelief in Yamamoto's voice was manifest but he sidled back from the 11th Division Captain, surreptitiously.

Zaraki spun around. "You can fight me if you want," he issued the challenge quickly.

Yamamoto raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "It would not be fair to fight a man so mired within an emotional maelstrom. Later, perhaps when you are rational."

The scowl that covered Zaraki's face was unpleasant. "First you tell me my wife's abduction is a minor event; second you won't fight me because I'm not rational and third you don't want me to break furniture? Right!" He strode forward and his fist met the wall of the building at which he had thrown the table. Toshiro and the other Shinigami watched in disbelief as it collapsed under the force of the blow. The building fell with a roar, releasing a cloud of dust that seemed to envelope the man who had caused the destruction. Zaraki was either a monster or too angry to feel pain. He walked across to the bathhouse and tapped the door heavily with his forefinger. "I'll leave this standing because it was where we first fucked; where I first really noticed her," he stated before moving to the next building and drawing his zanpaku-to, reduced it to rubble in a matter of minutes as they all stood, unwilling to interfere.

Toshiro reeled slightly at the blunt statement. The man was glowing with fury and he would not want to be the one who was trying to make him see sense.

"Captain Zaraki, you're upset, but losing your temper and destroying furniture and buildings will not benefit anyone," Captain Yamamoto said quickly.

"It distracts me. If she dies I will reduce the whole of the Seireitei into piles of ash and debris," the intensity of the promise made Toshiro feel empty. Zaraki turned and smiled thinly at his superior officer, the expression on his face transforming it momentarily into the facsimile of a fleshless skull. "Not only the buildings. Get it through your bloody thick cranium: she is my wife, I love her and I am getting her back."

"In front of these witnesses I expressly forbid you to use the passageway and travel to Hueco Mundo until I give you permission. I can see there is little chance in making you see sense at the moment. I will return when I am informed you have made progress in controlling your unnecessary emotions." These words were uttered as the Captain General left the area rapidly, accompanied by his lieutenant. Other people, notably Kurotsuchi, Nemu and Captain Komamaura, used the opportunity to quickly steal away, not wishing to be the object of the Captain of the 11th Division's attention.

Toshiro dismissed his division with a quick nod of his head and then asked Captain Unohana, "Why didn't he get someone to use a binding spell? Then they could have locked Captain Zaraki up."

"I don't think there'd be a place strong enough to hold him while he's like this. Still the Captain General could have used a binding spell, but it may not have lasted long," Soi answered not paying any attention to who asked the question. Her eyes were on the cloud of dust that had been created by the buildings' collapse. "I do not believe it was an idle threat about destroying the Seireitei and we better help him fast. I didn't think he really cared about her. I was mistaken."

Zaraki was watching people leave, his eye narrowed and his glance raked over those who remained. "Hitsugaya, Ukitake, Retsu, Fong, you're good at that kido stuff aren't you?" The question sounded more like a demand.

"So am I," volunteered Kira in a nervous voice.

"If Captain Unohana is helping I will too," Isane stated strongly as she rubbed her eyes again. Briefly Toshiro wondered why she seemed so tired.

"I, too, will help," Captain Kyouraku proposed firmly, a sleepy smile on his face.

The announcement made most people look at him in shock, as it was unlike his normal lazy nature to volunteer to help, but he offered no explanation of his offer.

Zaraki did not seem to notice. "Come with me. Help me stabilise this passageway and then I'll go. The old man can do what he freaking likes."

"We'll come with you Captain, to rescue Ran. Can't let you have all the fun," Yumichika said.

The furious, tortured look that Zaraki cast on him made him pale. "Fun? My wife had been abducted by her former lover and you think I'm going to have fun? I'm going to get her back and frigging destroy the cock suckers who took her. You can come, but if you get in my fucking way, don't expect to live."

Yumichika nodded, his throat working convulsively as he swallowed.

"He didn't mean it like that, Captain," Ikkaku explained. He was keeping his voice calm and he body very still as he spoke. Toshiro had read once you never made sudden movements around angry predators and realised Ikkaku was treating his captain with the same wariness.

"So? Why are we standing around here yabbering? Time's passing. She's already been gone too long." Zaraki led the way to the place that the Captain General had shown him.

"It may take a few hours to get this useable," Captain Unohana said as they explored the framework already in place. Isane was beside her looking very sleepy but trying to assist, stumbling slightly.

Soi nodded in agreement. "I can think of a few techniques that will cut down the time considerably, but we will need to be completely undisturbed by anyone."

It struck Toshiro as curious that Hisagi had somehow joined the group and was standing near Captain Unohana. If anyone else intercepted the look he was bending on her, the rumours would be all over the Seireitei by nightfall and there were already rumours and gossip. He would try to prevent this, if he could. Sidling up beside him, he tapped him on the shoulder and jerked his head to the side. The lieutenant followed him, concern in his eyes. "Don't make it so obvious unless you want everyone to know," Toshiro said as soon as they were out of earshot.

Hisagi gaped at him, obviously not understanding.

Pulling him further away from the crowd he tried to explain more clearly, "If you keep looking at Captain Unohana like that and stand so close to her, or sit next to her, it will be hard to keep your liaison secret."

The lieutenant of the 9th Division started coughing, his body doubled over with the force of his coughs. Pounding him on the back, Toshiro wondered if he was succumbing to the same illness as Jushiro. Eventually, Hisagi stood, wiping the tears from his eyes caused by his cough.

"Your comment startled me and I swallowed the wrong way," he explained, then dropping his voice he asked, "How do you know?"

Biting back his first response, Toshiro thought quickly. "I saw you kissing Captain Unohana in a 4th Division hallway one night when I was visiting Momo," he improvised. "I heard something and looked out the door. I didn't watch."

"Heck! Retsu doesn't want anyone to know, though I think Isane suspects. Captain, I ask as a man, keep it to yourself." His face was expressionless as he made the request, his hair hanging over his eyes, partially concealing them as he turned his face sideways to look at his lover.

"I've known for days and I haven't told anyone! If you want to keep it secret, be more discreet," Toshiro advised feeling as if he had been unjustly accused of spreading rumours.

"I don't want it to be a secret, but Retsu's embarrassed by the age gap and a few other things. After Kenpachi's sudden marriage she became even more anxious," Hisagi said.

"This is not really the time or place to have this discussion," Toshiro reminded him.

Hisagi grinned at him, his face creasing in a rueful smile. "I know, but it's such a relief that someone else knows. Originally she didn't want Kenpachi to find out, but now I don't know what's going on. After the marriage I sort of said that now we could be open about our relationship. I've even said I wanted to be moved to her division to be close to her. Now she is too busy when I want to talk to her."

The attitude and the words horrified Toshiro. Not another secret love affair in the Seireitei? 9th Division needed Hisagi more than 4th, didn't he realise that? Maybe Captain Unohana did and that was why she was acting the way she was. Hisagi had almost confessed his love for the 4th Division Captain and his gaze in Retsu's direction contained more passion than Toshiro would have guessed. "You're in love with the Captain!" he hissed as quietly as was possible. He didn't want to know, but it seemed that Hisagi was desperate to tell someone.

"Of course I am. When I heard Kenpachi had married, I went to see Ran immediately to make sure it was true. Oh, and to give her my congratulation because it meant he didn't want Retsu. I didn't want him to try to take her away from me; I wouldn't win a fight against the man. But as I said, Retsu is avoiding me now. I hardly get to see her anymore." Hisagi seemed prepared to continue, but Zaraki turned and barked at them.

"Either help or leave. This is no time to have a deep and meaningful Hisagi, and I don't think Hitsugaya's your type anyway," he said with intense significance.

The brief burst of laughter was quickly quelled when Zaraki glared at those who had dared to find his remark amusing.

Toshiro found he was walking over to assist with the efforts, weaving his kido with others until the passageway was more a form than just the framework. Working without break began to tire each of them, but they worked solidly on. After two hours Retsu took Soi and Toshiro aside. "The Captain-General will soon expect to hear from Captain Zaraki and I think it is time you start your attempts to keep him busy. Your efforts have really helped in getting this to progress as fast as it has. Stay clear from this area and send your more able people to assist. We need at least two more Shinigami who have talent with kido. Also, please send food and drink. Soi, could you ask your squad to observe this area, make certain no one is coming close or watching? I know I am requesting a great deal from you and I am not your senior officer but I'm asking because I feel this is important, mainly because the abduction is a slur on the honour of the Gotei 13," she smiled sadly. "I also don't want to have to try to heal the people whom Zaraki will injure if we don't do this."

Soi nodded. "The people I assigned to guard Lieutenant Matsumoto were murdered by a cowardly stab in the backs. I assume it was Ichimaru who killed them and he has disgraced my division by his attacks. My decision to assist was made as soon as the Lieutenant was taken as I felt that my squad had failed and made my promise of protection worthless. I cannot allow that insult to stand. Earlier, I slighted the woman when I should have realised that I was making a judgement founded on appearance and rumour only."

Amazed Toshiro turned to look at Soi with wonder. She had admitted she was wrong about Matsumoto and that was difficult to believe. What had happened to her? Who had talked to her? Only a few days ago she had seemingly hated Matsumoto, and now it sounded like she may care, a little, about her survival.

"Thank you, both of you. I will leave you two to discuss your strategy," Retsu said and returned to work on the passageway.

Soi turned to Toshiro but refused to look at him. "Captain Hitsugaya, have you thought of any plan to draw attention away from this area?" her voice evinced no trace of emotion and he wished she would look at him, just once more.

"No." His voice was as devoid of emotion as hers.

"You could ask him for permission to marry Momo," she spat out. "That would provide the Captain General with something to think about."

Toshiro recoiled from the venom in her voice. "But that would mean another Captain's meeting and we don't want that," he told her as soon as he managed reason out an answer. He knew now he didn't want to marry Momo, but his sense of friendship bound him to make the offer.

"Oh."

Toshiro began to walk toward his Division intent on sending food and drink as requested and deciding which person would be able to assist with the work being done. Soi walked beside him and he wondered why she wasn't returning to her Division. A quick hand movement and a form blurred in front of them bowing low.

"Commander, you will instruct me?" the figure said with great solemnity and deference.

As Soi conveyed her instructions Toshiro remained beside her. Her commands were terse and she did not waste words. Within a few minutes one of her seated officers was hurrying to help while another appeared bearing food and drink.

"Do you wish to summon one of your people to assist?" Soi asked with disinterest.

That would be more efficient than walking all the way back so he nodded and designated the person who should help.

"I think we need some privacy to discuss this; a place we will not be disturbed," was the decisive pronouncement of Soi. "I think you know where I mean?"

She was still refusing to look at him, but her suggestion made him wonder what she had planned. Walking there quickly they avoided the main thoroughfares and the observation of other Shinigami. Once inside Toshiro sat at the table. Though his body ached with need for her, it would be stupid to attempt intimacy. Without comment Soi sat opposite him and looked at the table while he stared at her.

Waiting for her to speak he analysed her features, trying to work out what attracted him. Was it her unusual haircut? He thought it was cute, the short hair with the long braids that had flopped over her shoulders, teasing her nipples and sweeping against his thighs when she rode him until his hands had brushed them away. How intensely she had watched him every time they had sex. The bed was in the room and without meaning to, he looked at it with a touch of longing and then his eyes returned to Soi.

"Damn it. I mustn't think about that or I'll get up, walk over and kiss her, not caring about the consequences. I'd be willing to give it another try, even after the last time because..." he cleared his throat and shut down his thoughts. Thinking did not help.

"Stop looking at me like that. We have to think of a variety of methods to prevent the Captain General from interfering. We're not here to fight about the past," Soi said heatedly.

"It was only two days ago, Captain Fong. I don't want…" he stopped the words that were on his tongue, in his mind. "How can we distract Yamamoto?"

"I don't know."

They sat there, avoiding each other's glance, as they tried to think of a plan.

Toshiro remembered something he had been thinking about earlier, something that many people had discussed, but no one had acted upon. "I can think of one thing that might work, but it will require co-operation."

"Does that mean I have to work with you, spend more time with you?" Soi demanded her voice as hard as the expression on her face.

He could tell from her tone that she would reject anything that might force them to spend any more time together. "Forget it." He wanted to forget her but clung to the memories of the time they had spent in this room as though it was a lifeline.

"I know. Let's fight; a real fight, to the death. If Yamamoto hears we are fighting he might intervene and then try to," she stopped suddenly. "No. That would be too obvious."

Toshiro let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. One thing he knew that the next time he fought Soi, she would intend to kill him. The hatred on her face confirmed his thoughts. "I had thought of trying to persuade him that it would be sensible to appoint new Captain's to fill the traitor's places," his voice was more confident than he felt.

"That means we either have to get all the Captains' to approve, and that would take people away from the task we are trying to distract him from. Or are you hoping someone is going to challenge you to take 10th Division?" Soi dismissed his suggestion without allowing him to fully outline his idea.

"I hadn't finished. What I was going to say was we could go and see him independently to present cases for different candidates. We plan it so we 'accidentally' arrive at the same time and then argue with each other, trying to get him involved. But it does mean we have to spend time together," he pointed out. That was the flaw in the plan.

Soi looked at him and then her hands and then scanned his face again. "It's not the worst idea I've heard. Close, but not the worst. Who were you planning on suggesting? Momo?" The last was said in disgust.

"No, definitely not. I don't think she'd be suited for the role," he began. Momo was not a leader; she was better suited to following a strong commander.

"Damn right she wouldn't. I don't know how she became a lieutenant; she's a fucking useless fighter..."

Toshiro expected the tirade to continue but Soi stopped abruptly.

"I won't mention Momo again," she said her voice small and frigid.

"Neither will I. I think Hisagi should take over as Captain of the 9th, but you'll have to propose a different candidate so we can argue about it."

Soi wrinkled her nose. "Hisagi is the logical choice. I think I'll nominate Nemu Kurotsuchi. That will annoy her father and it may even work. I'd like to see her get away from that piece of crap." There was amusement in the suggestion.

Toshiro laughed, startling himself and Soi. "Nemu? I don't believe it. She's almost as unused to command as M…. I mean she would be as ineffective a Captain as Hanatoro would. She has no influence."

"Nonetheless, I can make a case for her. I think, given enough authority, she could lead. Her father bullies her and that should be stopped. If you get Hisagi, I get to choose the next easy one. Ikkaku Madarame becomes captain of 3rd Division. He's a seasoned fighter, has a sense of humour and will provide stability. Plus he'd have the support of his Captain. We'll have to be careful with this. We don't want the old man to request an interview with anyone we recommend."

Toshiro nodded. "I'll recommend Kira, but I don't think he's up to it. I don't know what Ichimaru did to him, or maybe he was always like that. Maybe Renji could be another suggestion."

This time Soi smiled at the recommendation. "Renji Abarai as a Captain? Why not? We'll keep him in reserve. Maybe we should choose two candidates for each position."

There was one flaw that Toshiro recognised. "What if the Captain-General takes this seriously?"

"Is than an issue? Those divisions need Captains; soon. The situation, as it is now, makes the Divisions weak and leaderless. Let's see. I don't think it's a good idea to suggest Yachiru Kusajishi," she looked at Toshiro meaningfully.

He found he was nodding in agreement. "People would treat her even more like a kid than they do me. Also, I know Captain Zaraki would not be happy. What about your lieutenant?"

"Too selfish, too lazy, too self centred, too dumb, too greedy and too flatulent. He is not really suited to the demands of being second in command," she frowned. "I keep him because he would not accept another Commander."

"That leaves the lieutenants from 1st Division, 4th Division, 7th Division and 8th Division," Toshiro said musingly. "I wonder which would be the best candidates." He rubbed his head thoughtfully. As he did so he realised that he was conversing with Soi as if she were another intelligent human being instead of a former lover who had admitted her hatred of him. His heart lightened slightly. If they could become friends, maybe…

"You have omitted your lieutenant from that list," Soi reminded him sharply.

The reminder made him swallow hard. He had been blocking out his fears for Matsumoto and had deliberately not included her in the list of people to be considered for the position of captain. "One of the problems is very few of the possible candidates have achieved bankai. Renji Abarai has, as has Ikkaku Madarame, though he tries to hide it."

"My lieutenant has not, nor I believe ever will, achieve bankai. What about Rangiku Matsumoto?" Her voice was unrelenting in her pursuit of the truth.

"Do we have to keep talking about her? If we do, then can you tell me why you changed your mind about her?" He asked harshly only to see her look guilty.

"After that meeting Captain Kyoraku came to see me and clearly explained the situation. Then Captain Ukitake came to see me and very gently and persuasively pointed out that I was incorrect on a number of counts. Finally Captain Unohana had a serious talk with me and, without providing any proof or reason, convinced me that I was incorrect in my assumptions. I had not realised how forceful and persuasive she could be. It was one of the reasons I agreed so readily with her suggestion to work with you. In the face of this support, I was unwillingly forced to revise my opinion."

Silently he sat and waited for her to finish what she obviously wanted to say, but was having trouble admitting but the silence lengthened, and the longer it persisted the more unwilling Soi appeared to say anything further.

"Matsumoto has not reached bankai, yet. When we last spoke of the matter I believe she was close but was having trouble finding the final step," Toshiro said, at last.

"That makes it difficult," Soi said slowly. "A Captain really needs to be able to bankai, except for Kenpachi. I think I heard a rumour that Sasakibe Choujirou worked with Ikkaku Madarame and has also perfected his bankai, but it is still unstable. I don't know if it's true."

Thinking about it, Toshiro realised that if they suggested promoting Yamamoto's lieutenant that might provide enough controversy to prevent him thinking about what might possibly be happening at the passageway. "Are you certain about that?"

"I told you, it's a rumour," she reminded him stiffly. "The last time I quoted a rumour was an unpleasant experience. I didn't like Kenpachi picking me up like a doll and then having 3 different captain's attempt to convince me I was wrong. My ears hurt from all the words. But has Hisagi reached bankai? If he hasn't that makes him unsuitable as well."

Toshiro suddenly saw the absurdity of their discussion and laughed. "We're just doing this to distract him. Captain Yamamoto will probably ignore what we say. I think we go in demanding that he make Renji Abarai a captain and take it from there. Actually, where is he? I haven't seen him, or Rukia. Were they there last night?"

Soi lifted her shoulders indifferently. "I can't say I'm that interested in their whereabouts." She stood swiftly, almost knocking the chair over. Toshiro allowed the foolish hope; that she would drag him over to the bed for a quick screw, swamp him for a moment.

"I think we've spent enough time planning this. Let's go talk to the Captain-General. You have to be convincing when you argue with me. At least we don't have to pretend we like each other."

That last sentence did not console Toshiro as they quickly made their way to 1st Division.

* * *

A.N.

One reviewer requested a soundtrack. Here it is.

Soundtrack:

'Gonna Leave You' Queens of the Stone Age

'It Wasn't Enough' Good Charlotte

'Thinking About the Good Times' Reno

'Little Things' Lamb

That sob Toshiro heard in the previous chapter was a red herring, maybe. I know some people were hoping for a chapter from Soi's POV. Next time, maybe, probably.

Okay, catching up with _Different Circumstances_ is taking longer than anticipated and because there's too much happening in both stories I don't want to skimp on either one.

Review. I like reviews.


	12. Friends' Love

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Friend's Love**

She could not find the solitude she sought. Her moments of introspection were broken by constant interruption and she was disgruntled. Snapping out an order to her lieutenant that she was not to be disturbed, for any reason whatsoever, unless he wanted to experience life minus those certain parts of his anatomy that proved his masculinity, she sat behind her desk and shut her eyes. The meeting had shaken her, her experience with Toshiro had shocked her and Kenpachi's actions had scared her.

Two men had made her feel weak and helpless within hours of each other. It was time to accept that she'd felt scared when she thought Toshiro was preparing to take her by force. At the time she had been shocked and unsure, but tried to keep strong in face of the threat. It had never crossed her mind that he would act in that manner. He had been so tractable most times they had been together. Of course, she would never admit the fear to him or anyone else because she did not ever wish to admit to that weakness. Fear was felt by cowards, but fear was part of life. On joining the 2nd Division she feared that she was not good enough, that her commander would despise her and instead she found love. Having seen the effects of losing those you loved, when the members of her family had died, she had feared love and never wished to experience it for another person.

Instead her descent into love had been instantaneous and complete. When she had been with Yoruichi she had constantly been scared that one day she would leave her, and she had. Always, she had known that their love could not last and her desperation to keep her lover had only driven her further away.

"Kisuke gives me space," Yoruichi had said the day she originally rejected her love. "You stifle me, clinging too tight. If being with you means I lose my freedom, I would prefer to be free."

"But I love you," Soi interrupted reaching out, trying to hold Yoruichi, the tears in her eyes blurring the image of the loved face.

Ignoring Soi, Yoruichi continued. "We've had fun, the sex was grand and, for a time, I thought I loved you. It was flattering to be worshipped, but I want an equal relationship and we can never have that. It's not a choice between men and women. It's what I want and Kisuke doesn't mind if I stray. You don't cope, constantly hounding me about whether I like whoever it was better than you. I don't want to be answerable to anyone and I don't like to feel someone is trying to possess me."

"I can change," Soi protested desperately, prepared to promise anything but Yoruichi had touched Soi's cheek gently, shaking her head in denial of the protest.

"We can be distant friends. You'll get over it sometime. Don't think badly of me. If you love me you may understand and you'll fall in love again. I'd tell you to forget me, but I know you won't."

Stunned, Soi had watched her leave, no words coming into her mind to try to persuade her to stay. Since then she had been sealed off in her world, existing only to work. Her futile attempts to find a replacement had not been sincere and now, now she was in a position she found intolerable. When Yoruichi had left, she had sworn never to love again, cutting the insides of her arms over and over again until the blood flowed down to her hands, making the handle of the blade slippery as she again sliced her flesh, to remind her that this pain was nothing to the pain of being discarded by the person she loved, while still loving her. The pain on her skin was no distraction from the pain in her heart. Her action had been stupid, and she now acknowledged she had been trying to summon enough courage to use the blade on the inside of her wrists, thus ending any pain and fear.

But against all reason, she commenced her pact with Toshiro. Part of her rationale was her anger at being abandoned so easily. She had lied to herself, knowing all the time that Yoruichi was lost to her, but hoped she would return. Toshiro was nothing to her, once.

Now, fury at Toshiro for his actions was constant. Originally she had believed he would not threaten her because he had been made a captain even more recently than she. The boy was young, innocent, sometimes seemingly out of his depth, but always strictly controlling his emotions, or so it had seemed. He should be no threat to her. He owed allegiance to no other captain; his main alliances were with women which made him appear to have a side that was masked by his cold and sarcastic persona. The 10th Division Captain was not some hulking brute who would loom over her making her feel small; a feeling she hated as much as she detested comments about her size. His hair, his eyes, his mouth attracted her as they were nothing like Yoruichi. If she could select anyone who was the opposite of her first love, Toshiro was very close to being that opposite. She had taken a calculated risk in entering into the pact. It was a pity her sums did not add up.

After the first week he had made her want him and they'd had sex. That had stunned her; she had not expected to want him so badly; but then after he returned from the human world, the first time they were together, he asked her the question about Momo. She knew he was young and inexperienced, but did he have to be so stupid also? After he'd talked to her Division, when they were arguing over sex, he had threatened to take her against her will. For that she could not forgive him. That momentary flash of understanding of the feeling of powerlessness had scared her and reminded her why the other males in the Seireitei had frightened her. She now looked at them all with a wary eye. While she knew she could fight and probably defeat any male, she recalled how she had been shocked into immobility by Toshiro and for that she could never absolve him.

Her life was inverted and she did not know what she sought after anymore. Her sleep was disturbed by dreams of Toshiro and strange visions that she did not understand. Not every night, but regularly, she dreamt of floating in the water of a warm swimming pool, which suddenly froze, trapping her within a layer of ice, immobilising her. Finally her struggles would shatter the ice only, freeing her to find she was surrounded by fire. The dreams must mean something, but she was scared of finding out. She still dreamt of swimming in warm water in an open sea, but now she feared sleep. Dreaming of Toshiro was even more upsetting, for different reasons.

She needed time, and distance, from the recent events. She shuddered again remembering the hatred she had seen in Kenpachi's eyes when he had grabbed her. The words he'd said hadn't registered until she had time to think and she was suddenly grateful that the couple had been permitted to marry. If they hadn't she had the suspicion that the man would have blamed her and sought retribution. Give the man his plaything. Let him be content with her.

The door opened, without anyone knocking or asking permission. She glared, expecting to see her lieutenant, but instead saw the pink coat of the Captain of the 8th Division, and the words died in her mouth. He was a friend of Rangiku's and might be coming to challenge her. Normally she would welcome the chance to fight, but today she felt unwilling, her recent experiences with Toshiro and Kenpachi too recent. "Stay right there, Captain," she ordered hoping her voice did not quaver in fear. "Lieutenant, my strongest fighters, outside the room, now! I need to be prepared in case my unwelcome visitor becomes violent," she called loudly, her voice strident.

Seconds later her trusted guard were outside the office. Captain Kyoraku smiled at her, obviously amused by her reaction to his presence and closed the door. "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to talk to you,' his calm voice said, his unruffled face with twinkling eyes looked around the office. "May I sit?"

Soi nodded jerkily and watched the man settle opposite her, his movements relaxed and unhurried. It was her office, she should be relaxed, not the man. His presence made her feel very tense. "What do you want?" she demanded, her voice deliberately harsh.

"I'm here to help you, Captain. Aren't all Captain's meant to help each other?" His grin unnerved her even more and she did not trust his words.

"You've never visited me before. My lieutenant was told not to allow anyone to enter," she accused. "What is so important?"

"Ah, your lieutenant. Yes; he wasn't really given a choice. If a Captain wishes to go somewhere, can a subordinate stop them?" He was gazing over her shoulder at a scroll painting Yoruichi had given her. A few lines depicting a river in flood, sweeping all before it. To Soi it seemed to represent her former lover; the woman who swept everyone before her in order to gain her will. "Nice picture. I'd say the hand of a master drew that. May I examine it more closely?"

"No!" She stopped and moderated her tone. "I would like to keep this brief as I have other matters which require my attention. Perhaps in the future," was the sop she offered.

Captain Kyoraku quirked an eyebrow at her, "Busy? Aren't we all? I have come to speak with you concerning the meeting today, when you slighted my friend. In the past Ran has been a very good and loyal friend to me and I know her captain trusts her. There has been much gossip about her because of her, um, assets and the way she dresses, and because she drinks, and she is pretty lazy."

"Exactly. You defend her because she is your friend, but I think her flaws are greater than you suggest. She is dishonest and untrustworthy. Her motives for marrying Captain Zaraki are questionable." She heard the anger in her voice, but didn't care.

"Easy now. You don't need to get so worked up, Captain Fong." He paused and cleared his throat. "Let me try to say this another way. Ran has her flaws, I can't deny that, but I have never doubted her integrity. She will keep a secret, has kept many secrets and is too damned faithful for her own good. When Ichimaru dumped her, lots of Shinigami vied to take his place, but she would smile at them and turn them down. Yes, she drank too much to try to forget, but only with the people she knew would not take advantage of her, or her weakness. I remember, after some time, she began to recover and I was relieved. Then, I think, but I'm not sure because I never asked, she was raped. It's the only thing I can think of that could cause her sudden slide into depression and her reaction to anyone trying to get close to her. I have my theories about who the rapist was, but I won't say. For a time I thought she was going to kill herself, by alcoholic poisoning or any other means she could."

Soi felt her mouth gape open in astonishment.

"I am telling you about Ran's past in strictest confidence because you have misjudged her. It's not my story to share and I'm pretty sure from what she said, Captain Unohana knows. Ran could not behave in the manner you suggested. To be frank, I wanted to warn her against marrying Captain Zaraki because of his reputation, but you've seen what he's like when he's with her. God, he's almost calm. If she had been in the room when you insulted her, he would never have picked you up like that. They're good for each other and if he ever hurts her, I will fucking kill him. So would her Captain. Once you get to know her, you'll realise that Ran has depth. She can be ruthless, but we all can, in order to survive."

Soi shook her head. "I do not wish to get to know her, or anyone else. Forming friendships is a waste of time and energy. If you have finished…?"

Her visitor smiled and rose slowly to his feet. "Friends are precious. You have to treasure them because you don't know how long you will have the pleasure of their companionship. Then when they go, you regret that the chance is past." He seemed to realise what he said and gave a dismissive wave. "I was speaking generally, of course."

Soi dipped her head in acknowledgement as she felt the fury build in her breast. "Of course," was all she could permit herself to say.

"Thanks for listening, Captain Fong. If you ever want to talk, I'll listen," was the surprising offer he made as he left.

Soi sat dumbfounded for a few minutes and then got up to close the door. His offer had deflected her anger, making her suddenly sad. The information he had given her made her mind spin. His comments on friendship had made her throat close as she remembered what she had lost. Yoruichi had been more than a lover; she had been her only friend in the Seireitei and since she had left Soi felt lonely. Allowing another person to get close to her, forming another friendship would only lead to pain, that was why she had spurned any overtures. For a short period she allowed her mind to question if she had made the right choice, but she broke that line of thought. The past had occurred and she could do nothing about her past choices. Then, for a short time she had allowed Toshiro to get close to her. Regret.

Her mind turned to the topic of the recent conversation: Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto. The person Captain Kyoraku portrayed was a vulnerable woman who had been hurt, not the brash, loose woman she knew. The lieutenant had been subject to the brutal attack of a man, while she had felt so terrified by the potential. Why did the woman want to marry Zaraki? Surely he…. But her visitor had been correct about Captain Zaraki's attitude around the woman. He treated the woman like she was infinitely precious and he was not prepared to accept any insults to her. Soi had seen the way the Lieutenant had looked at him. If she stripped away her prejudice she could see that the lieutenant loved the man.

It didn't matter to Soi. They were married. If only she could work out her problems then none of this would matter. There was also the possibility that every word the Captain had uttered was a lie. What possible reason did she have to trust him?

Lost in her reverie, she started as the door was again opened and the tall, lean figure of Captain Ukitake was outlined in the door frame. "Excuse me, Captain Fong. I apologise for not making an appointment, but I believe that we should have a talk." The white haired man's brow creased into a slight frown as he tried to smile at her gently.

He entered the room as she nodded at him and closed the door neatly. He walked to her desk and stood there, quietly waiting for her to say something.

"Sit down." The words came out of her mouth in a rush as she wanted the impasse to be over and with elegance the Captain seated himself and looked at her with curiosity.

"Captain Fong, I felt compelled to come here because of my long friendship with your previous Captain and my present friendship with Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto. I am aware how you dislike being incorrect, on any matter, but I fear that you misjudge the lieutenant. Ran is a warm and loving woman. A good and faithful friend, a kind person," he paused and Soi waited, not wishing to respond. "She found Captain Hitsugaya and brought him into the Seireitei for his protection and to also shield the woman who was caring for him. Another Shinigami might have ignored the impassive boy who was slowly dying inside as the ice of his powers consumed him. Without her I am sure he would be dead, or mad, not the present valued member of the Gotei 13. In spite of his attitude she loved him, she still loves him as fondly as a sister. Her love has supported him and he is now a much more compassionate person than he would have been. As you know, the role of a Captain, and even that of Lieutenant, is difficult and lonely. I cherish the friendships I have formed with Captain Kyoraku, Ran, and Kaien Shiba to name a few. Kaien might be dead, but while he was alive I felt the Seireitei was a better place for his presence. We have to live in the present and now having lost friends, I cherish even more fondly the friends I currently enjoy."

Not understanding what she was doing, Soi poured the Captain a glass of water and passed it to him. He hadn't coughed but she was aware of his illness. If he spoke without interruption he would go, and then she could ignore him and his words. She didn't want to think of what he was saying and how her heart twisted at the mention of Toshiro and his past and more importantly his present.

"Thank you Captain Fong," Captain Ukitake said before sipping the water. "My throat was becoming quite dry."

She simply nodded in response, waiting for him to continue.

"Ran is not perfect. However I do know the following: she loves her Captain and she loves her husband," he held up a hand as if anticipating a question she did not want to ask. "No, she did not tell me, but I know her. She has waited so long to find someone who would love her in return and I believe she has found that. I know Captain Hitsugaya did not wish her to wed because he is jealous of her attention, though he will never admit it. For many years he has been her main focus and he has come to depend on her unswerving devotion and attention. He will not be happy about having to share her with anyone. Not that he has a choice in the matter and he will learn to adjust." He smiled at her in a conspirital fashion and she found she was automatically smiling in response.

He was right. Now the woman was married to Captain Zaraki she would be less available to her Captain and her friends.

"I will not see Ran as often either, but as a friend I am pleased for her and I will enjoy any time she cares to spend with me. There can be true friendships between men and women without sex being involved. Once I would have approached Ran myself."

Again Soi found herself shocked by an admission made in her office. She was right; he had had sex with the lieutenant!

"It was not to be. I've always pretended I was in love with someone else so no one would notice how I felt about her. For a short time I even pretended I was in love with Rukia. The girl is perfectly nice, but she is not my type. I was summoning my resolve to approach Ran after Ichimaru made it plain that their affair was over. The day I planned to tell her how I felt, was the day she changed. She had been sad, but her grief became an agony of spirit that I could not fathom. I know her Captain tried everything he could to help her, but it wasn't much. He is unused to handling strong emotion in others. She sealed herself off from all of us. We would talk to her but she wouldn't listen. I once came upon her mumbling about committing suicide. I visited her often just to listen to her talk, to provide any type of company, we all did. One day I found her in tears. For the first time in weeks she touched me. To be honest she grabbed me, holding onto me desperately as she cried. I let her and did not move, just uttered some soothing words. For one instant I hoped she was going to tell me she loved me, but it was not to be. I think I know what happened to cause her grief, but that is not my business. I will tell you this, Captain Fong. I will protect Ran even if it means my death, not just out of love, but out of friendship. I am pleased it is the present and that Ran has been able to find love and happiness. Hearing your accusations today offended me because I wished, in part, it was true: that Ran loved me. She does, but only as a friend, not the way I love her. I don't know why I am telling you this but, it's a relief to finally tell someone. I know I can rely on your discretion."

The Captain tried to keep his voice even as he spoke, but the strength of his emotion flowed into his words and Soi felt a slight tingle of sorrow for the man. He too knew what it was like to love hopelessly as she had loved Yoruichi and now loved….Again she ripped her mind away from those thoughts.

"I have said what I came to say. Thank you for listening Captain Fong."

"Thank you, Captain Ukitake. I appreciate your candour," Soi said as she watched the Captain bow and leave, closing the door as he left.

"Why did he tell me that? I know something about him that I could use," Soi thought and then shook her head. "I couldn't do that. I admire his honour and he has never done anything to harm me, or anyone. To betray his confidence would be as despicable as I have accused that woman of being. I had not thought her friends would defend her so soundly. I wonder if Toshiro will arrive and also tell me how wrong I am."

She poured and drank a glass of water as she came to feel the dryness in her throat. Her eyes were slightly damp as she realised how closely she had identified with the man's situation. Yoruichi was lost to her forever, and so was Toshiro. She had not known the details that Captain Ukitake had given her and as she thought through what he had said she began to see some of her interchanges with Toshiro in a different light. He was honest, he was fair, and he cared deeply for people who helped him. He had stuck to his side of their bargain, even when she pressed him, so she would take care of his friend. She could not forgive him the moment he seemed about to force her, but then guiltily recalled the times she had initiated the sex rather forcefully. If he had treated her in that manner, how would she have reacted? Shaking her head she rejected the thought. He was a man, she was a woman; it was different.

The alarms began to sound and a Hell butterfly summoned her to the 1st Division office. The Arrancar were attacking.

Soi quickly complied with the demand and was there, advising, providing information collected by her division. There were many inconsistencies in the information that was being provided. Different Divisions seemed to have different ideas about how to handle the attack, but only the 10th and 11th Divisions had been deployed to fight against the invaders. Soi wondered why only two Divisions had been sent. Surely a larger force would have been a better idea.

As quickly as it had commenced, the attack finished and the Captains were dismissed. They were instructed to return when summoned to have a debriefing and to find out the number of deaths and casualties. Soi began to walk back to her Division, not knowing what else to do; glad she had not seen Toshiro. Her thoughts were more confused than before after her 'conversations' with the two captains.

Abruptly her stomach lurched and then seemed to revolt against everything it contained, the water she had drunk before the alert seeming to cause the violent reaction. Looking around she noticed some empty quarters and opened the door. Rushing to the nearest sink she vomited, retching strongly, consumed by the need to rid her stomach of whatever was upsetting it. As she vomited again she felt a hand swiftly touch her forehead as if assessing if she had a temperature.

"Please, drink this Captain Fong. It might help to control the impulse," a firm but sweet voice told her, pressing a bottle into her hands.

Soi raised the bottle to her lips and swallowed the contents, disgusted at her weakness. After rinsing her mouth, she washed her face, trying to remove any traces of her body's betrayal. Her knees were wobbly and she felt dizzy, but an arm around her waist held her up and guided her to a chair in the mostly empty and silent room.

"Sit down, Captain. I was going to visit you in your office, but this is more convenient. The nausea will pass shortly and then I think we may need to talk seriously about the future," Captain Unohana said and once Soi had collapsed into the chair, sat opposite her.

Blinking at her third visitor, Soi rubbed her eyes, slightly. It was humiliating that someone had seen her when she was at her most vulnerable, especially this person, the other senior officer who had been in her position since the inception of the Gotei 13. Why did these people insist on talking to her?

"How long have you been experiencing the nausea?" Captain Unohana asked. "As your medical advisor I need to know so I can treat the cause, though I believe I already know the reason."

Soi thought back and answered. "Only one or two days, or maybe more. I haven't been sick before this and I've ignored it."

"Any other symptoms?" was the next question she asked as Captain Unohana observed her with bright eyed interest.

"Symptoms of what?" Soi did not want to know what the Captain was talking about. "I'm not sick. It's just something I ate. You want to tell me that I'm wrong about the Lieutenant."

"Yes, I do. In the near future I think you may wish to approach her and allow her to befriend you. If matters develop, as I believe they will, her friendship will be essential and it is about time you broke out of those chains with which you've bound your emotions. You are afraid of feeling anything and the Lieutenant feels everything too much. Perhaps you could learn from each other. When it seemed Momo had been deserted by all her friends, the Lieutenant still continued to visit and help her. She protected her from Ichimaru's attack, even though that must have been hard for her. I only mention the past because it affects the future."

Soi felt her face twist into a mask of distaste. "Momo! Am I never to be free of that idiot? I wish she'd died when Aizen stabbed her."

"So does she," the three words were quiet but the noise of their import was large.

Soi could not believe what she heard. "What?" Momo couldn't think like that. She was surface only, totally absorbed in her little pleasures and desires.

"Lieutenant Hinamori believes that she has no reason to exist because her captain left her behind and did not tell her his plans. She denies that Aizen stabbed her because if she accepts that truth, then the whole basis of her will to live has gone. I am uncertain if she will ever regain any stability in her mind and I pity her that her sense of identity is so fragile. There is something strange about her tale of her night with Aizen, but she refuses to change her story. I fear for her."

"What about when she finds out she's pregnant with the traitor's child?" The words were uttered with scorn.

"How do you feel knowing you are pregnant with Captain Hitsugaya's child?" was the studied response.

Soi shut her eyes and refused to think. She had not heard the question. The question had not been asked and it was a lie anyway.

"I asked, Captain Fong, how do you feel about being pregnant with Captain Hitsugaya's child?" The repeated question was unwelcome.

"I'm not," she squeaked in response, disgusted that her voice betrayed her.

"Then whose child is it? I know you have been having an affair with Captain Hitsugaya. You were in the linen room the night before he went to the human world. I could feel your reiatsu, and his, and I think that was the night you conceived, if my theory is correct. It was the night I conceived also. Strange isn't it that two intelligent woman lost their reason on the same night and accidentally fell pregnant to their lovers," admitted Captain Unohana.

Soi swallowed hard. "You're pregnant with Lieutenant Shuuhei's child? That night?"

Captain Unohana smiled sadly. "Stupid, I know. I let lust overcome wisdom and did not take precautions. I want the child, at least I think I do, but it makes life a little more complicated."

"Have you told the father?" Soi was curious.

Shaking her head Captain Unohana said, "Hisagi and I. It was a mutual agreement for pleasure, nothing more. We were both lonely. He came to talk to me the day after the traitors left. The man was confused and we talked for hours. He had never understood his Captain, or felt close to the man, and was rebuking himself for not noticing the indications. I don't know why he feels responsible for the actions of another. We talked and I tried to help him understand that his guilt was shared by all of the Shinigami. Then he smiled at me and rashly, I kissed him. It was an impulse, but he had been gazing at my mouth for the previous half hour. That was when it began and now I will end it."

"End it?" Soi was confused.

"I am not here to talk about what I plan or my future. I am her to advise you about your options. If you have Lieutenant Matsumoto on your side it will help as you settle into your permanent relationship with her Captain," was the reasoned assertion.

"Permanent relationship? No! He wants to ask Momo to marry him. I do not want him; I do not need him." Soi felt her temper build. She could not be pregnant. It could not be allowed to continue. "Are you sure I'm pregnant?"

Captain Unohana looked at her steadily. "Come to my office tomorrow. While I am sure that my diagnosis is correct, I will do a few tests. From your words I gather that you may not wish to have this child. Think about it carefully. There are options available, but once a procedure has taken place you cannot change your mind. You may wish to talk to Captain Hitsugaya about this and consider his opinion."

"I will not talk to him. It is not his business. The decision is mine alone." Soi was adamant feeling the flutter of fright touch her chest.

"Very well, Captain Fong. I suggest you go somewhere quiet to think about this matter. I will schedule an appointment for you; ostensively a check-up, but I will confirm your condition for you. The details of the appointment will be given to your lieutenant." Captain Unohana rose with poise from her seat and left.

Soi gazed after her. After a few minutes thought she stood, preparing to leave but received a summons to attend another Captain's meeting. One thing had changed since the meeting in the morning. She now felt sympathy for Kenpachi's wife and understood that she was not the person she had believed her to be.

Even so, she was tired. Would this day never end?

* * *

A.N.

Many of you were correct. Soi is pregnant, as is Retsu.

Pregnancy and Shinigami's? Why not?

Soundtrack

'Why does my heart feel so bad' Moby

"Don't rush me' Altered Ego

'Funny Break (One is Enough)' Orbital


	13. No Lover, No Pride

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**No Lover, No Pride**

She stood in the meeting wishing she was anywhere else. The small nod from Captain Unohana reminded her of their recent conversation and when Toshiro arrived she felt a momentary fear. It was not possible that she was pregnant with his child. In all her plans for her life she had never included the possibility of becoming a mother. It would take up too much time. What did she know about children?

Her mind began to explore the possibilities and she tuned out the discussion. Would the child have white hair and dark eyes? Green eyes and dark hair? Was it a boy or a girl? Would it be short, or grow strong and tall? What would it be like to hold the scrap of a person that she had created? Her breath caught as she understood she was seriously considering keeping the child.

Quickly she focused on the meeting and the events that were unfolding. The 3rd seat from 11th Division seemed to be the focus and he was not looking very comfortable; sweat was pouring down his face and he squirmed under the stern regard of Yamamoto. When she caught up with the topic she had to prevent her exclamation of surprise. How could Kenpachi be so foolish? If his wife was the reason for the invasion, why would he remain outside the relative protection of the Seireitei? She watched with interest as Toshiro was forced to again take responsibility for the 11th Division Captain. She felt a slight touch of pity that his surrogate brother-in-law had already caused him a number of problems. As he agreed to lead the group to recover the couple she breathed a sigh of relief that she was not included.

It was a short time later that they returned. The scene that followed she found disturbing. At first it seemed to be a simple matter, but as the conversation went on the man, Kenpachi, became out of control and unreasonable. So much for all the assurance she had been given earlier about the love between these two newlyweds and the calming influence of the lieutenant. It was true that the situation was fraught with danger but underneath it all, she sensed something she recognised so well. Kenpachi was scared, terrified of losing his wife. He would never admit it, but his overdone reaction made it very clear to her.

Involuntarily, her gaze shifted to Toshiro. He was watching Rangiku and Kenpachi with sorrow, as if he was sad that their relationship was so troubled. She was reminded of the conversations she had earlier. Toshiro loved his lieutenant, as a friend. He had obviously reconciled to the idea that she was now married, but did not like the series of events that were unfolding.

When another captain insulted him about his failure to achieve bankai, it appeared that Captain Yamamoto suspected her because of the earlier altercation. It was only fair that she set the record straight. "I didn't say it," she protested. "Why would I mention something of which we are all aware? It's pointless and childish behaviour and unworthy of a Captain or any Shinigami to draw attention to something of that nature."

Unlike earlier, she wanted to soothe the situation; to try to dispel the fraught atmosphere and because the threat against the woman was real, unlike the threat against Momo, she offered to deploy some of her elite force to discreetly protect Lieutenant Rangiku. Even though Kenpachi rejected the offer, she would set up a discrete force. For another Shinigami to join the traitors, either willingly or unwillingly was not acceptable.

This situation made her ask the question she had avoided until now. "How would I feel if Yoruichi came back now? If she wanted to return to me? My life had changed so much since she left me. Would I want to be back in an unequal relationship where I feared her loss more than the loss of my own life? Do I still want her?"

While she watched the situation disintegrate further, she was transfixed by her realisation. She would always love Yoruichi, but it would be the love for something that was past and could never be recaptured. It Yoruichi returned to her their love would have to be different, and that would never be. One of the comments about Rangiku loving Ichimaru for too long now struck a chord within her. She had loved Yoruichi for too long, hopelessly and helplessly. It was time to accept reality, hard though that was.

Then the real storm began in the meeting. Soi had thought that the situation could not deteriorate any further but Captain Kurotsuchi, spoke, making the bad situation even worse.

At this point she lost interest in the proceedings. The naked anger, fear and desperation displayed by both Kenpachi and his bride did not seem to be noticed by the other. The two of them were obviously insane as they did not recognise the origin of their anger, the misplaced feeling of need. They were terrified of losing each other, so scared that they were ready to fight each other. She understood the desperation, the anger and the fear, because she had loved, she did love…

Her breath caught as she denied what she was on the verge of admitting. Instead she turned her attention to the couple. The pair were probably going to kill each other within the next few hours. They circled each other like predatory, lecherous animals. They would destroy each other or they would give into their need and fuck each other until they reached a new understanding. Soi thought it would probably be the latter. Even though their words were harsh and their expressions angry, their bodies curved hungrily toward each other.

The Captains had been correct about the love between these two, but had forgotten the problem with unresolved issues. The reappearance of Ichimaru, plus the toxin sown by Kurotsuchi would be hard to dispel.

While she watched her mind ticked over thinking about new matters that required her attention. Yoruichi was the past and she had to think of the present and the future. That father of the 'imaginary' child she was carrying was in the room. Should she tell him of the new complication? Would he still marry Momo?

A certain amount of tension left the room with the lieutenant. Yamamoto kept them a little longer, reinforcing the need for them to remain alert and aware at all times, but it just filtered past Soi as she wondered. Captain Unohana had urged her to tell Toshiro that she was pregnant with his child. Her immediate rejection of the suggestion had been instinctive. If he found out her condition he'd probably want her to have the thing, but how would his wife react? Thoughts crowded her mind as she tried to approach the ideas again and again from different viewpoints. It was too much. The raw emotion she had seen, the unsettling day, made it imperative that she have time to think, alone, without interruption. The attempt to find the solitude in her office was a failure; she needed to find a place where no one would attempt to barge in. Her home was not an option. The only place was the one saturated with memories of her two lovers, and even possibly the place where she had conceived the child. That day they had fucked in a number of places, not just the linen room and she cursed silently. She had been a fool, thinking only of lust instead of possible repercussions.

Becoming aware of her surroundings she noticed that the meeting seemed to be over as the other Captain's were leaving. She waited until Toshiro had gone before she exited only to see him waiting outside. Tensing at the sight of him she felt she had to at least acknowledge him.

"Captain Hitsugaya," she said curtly hoping he would not reply.

"Thank you, Captain Fong. That was a generous offer you made," he said politely as he looked at the floor.

"It is only fair. Certain facts have come to my attention that encourage me believe I have misjudged Lieutenant Rangiku. Good day, Captain," her voice cool, her demeanour unyielding, she tried to retain her poise. Their eyes met for a moment, brown gazed into green and in that instant she wanted to tell him about their child but fought the impulse. Dragging her eyes from his, she looked over his shoulder, keeping her face as blank as possible.

"Soi, it doesn't have to be like this," Toshiro said quietly, his voice controlled and his expression unreadable. His words, his calm, reinforced her understanding that anything that anything he might have felt for her was now gone. He wanted to be friends and that thought made her teeth clench.

"Are you still planning on marrying Lieutenant Hinamori, Captain?" The question was asked as harshly as she could, intending to increase the distance between them as much as possible.

"I haven't asked her yet. I'm not sure…" His hesitation did not make her feel confident.

She cut him off, not wishing to admit to her fears. "Then we have nothing further to say to each other Captain Hitsugaya. Don't speak to me in future unless it is connected to an urgent matter that relates to our duties and responsibilities." Gazing straight ahead, Soi walked away, glad that her voice and face had not betrayed her increased pulse rate and fear.

A quick visit to her Division to allocate the squad members to watch the lieutenant as promised also provided her with one item of information. Captain Unohana had scheduled the appointment as she had promised. Tomorrow she would know the truth.

With mixed emotions she went to the place where she had met with Toshiro and Yoruichi. Stripping off her coat which she flung onto the bed she filled a glass with water and sat at the table. Now it was imperative that she think.

The facts, as she knew them, were simple. She'd had a brief and passionate affair with Toshiro Hitsugaya to whom she's lost her virginity. When he returned from his mission he asked her advice about marrying Momo and that had caused her to end their relationship, except it hadn't. She'd continued to have sex with him because she liked it, craving the release he provided when he made her come; no other reason. After the last time it seemed highly likely that the relationship was as broken as she could make it. She admitted she had tried to make him walk out on her, scared of her reaction to him. Toshiro was dangerous.

Bleakly she considered her future. If she had the child, he might work out it was his. If she didn't……. if she didn't. Was the baby anything? An amalgamation of cells that did not even think. She hated the thought of her body becoming large and gravid as the child within her grew. It was a tie with a man she did not want.

Her hand rested on her belly, slowly stroking the flat surface. At present nothing showed. Her nipples had darkened, but who would notice? Inside her womb resided a child, a being created by Toshiro and her in an act of passion. The baby was not the result of an act of love, just good sex. She stated it firmly to herself once more. She did NOT love Toshiro. She loved no one, except for Yoruichi, and that love was now in the past.

A child. For a brief moment she wanted the child, not caring who the father was. A tear trickled down her cheek and surprised to feel the wetness, she touched the droplet of salty water, looking at it disconcerted.

"I don't want Toshiro to marry Momo. If he marries her will he be completely honourable in the marriage, will he? He will give her everything she wants, but does he love her? Is that why he wants to marry her? It must be the reason because when we made our pact, he told me he loved the girl. It didn't matter then. But if he loves her, why did he agree to have sex with me? Why did he want to continue the relationship to the extent of trying to blackmail me? Does he love Momo, but not desire her? Or is he being greedy? If I agreed would he keep fucking me when he's married to Momo? If that's the case then he's not honourable."

Drinking the water, she dragged her thoughts back to the possible child. "I'll wait until I know for certain. Then I will decide. If Captain Unohana keeps her child…. I don't want to know the truth. I don't want to know if I am pregnant, or not. What I do want is to go back to that moment when Toshiro found me in his bed and we fucked and it was good; to that time before he asked me that stupid fucking question. That's what I want. That moment when all we had in common was a need to fuck each other without thinking of anything else. It's gotten so complicated. I didn't want to feel sympathy for Kenpachi's wife, nor him. I don't want to feel anything and I can't stop it. I don't want to see how much I'm missing by not having friends."

As her thoughts writhed in ever tightening circles her head drooped and she leant her elbows on the table. A few more tears dripped onto the table as she fought against the thoughts, fought against everything she was thinking. There must be a resolution, there must be an answer to all this.

Caught up as she was in her thoughts the touch of hands on her body, reaching for her breast shocked her into action. She would kill whoever it was who had decided to trespass on her privacy and touch her. Drawing her zanpaku-to in one quick movement she turned to confront whoever it was, ready to slash the throat of the intruder. Quickly she realised Toshiro had dared to return. He managed to turn her attack away, but her thoughts had roused that deep underlying anger and fear that resided in her breast. If she killed him, he could not marry Momo and would never know that she was pregnant with his child. This seemed the best solution.

"Suzume-Bachi." It was her verbal statement that she intended to kill him but he did not try to fight back. He only tried to prevent her harming him too much. The man refused to attack her properly so she could justify her attacks becoming more ferocious. She battled against his defence, her breath quickening.

"Can we stop?" he asked

"I want to hurt you. You deserve death Toshiro, for what you've done," the words were ripped from her throat and she stopped short, scared that she nearly revealed what she had been thinking. She tried to stab him again.

"You started it. I only asked for you to guard Momo. I didn't expect any of this to happen," he argued.

It was the fault of his thing that she was in this situation. She tried to stab it next.

"What the hell were you aiming for?" he shouted at her. "I'll go. This isn't worth dying over."

"Yes it is," her voice was short of a scream and she lunged at him again. He had to die, it was imperative that he die. "Goddamn you Toshiro! I hate you. I hate you and everything about you." The words startled her. Even as she screamed the insult, she knew she was lying.

His reply was as vicious as her scream. "I hate you too. I can't stand being in the same room as you," he stated moving to the left and out of the path of her blade.

The words struck her and she dropped her guard, panting from the fight. "You hate me? Then why did you come here?" She felt like crying. Hate was hard to fight against.

"Why did you come here?" The question was an accusation and she did not know how to reply.

"Why did you come here?" Soi demanded again hoping to distract him from her odd reactions.

They exchanged a few more vicious insults and suddenly she felt her strength drain out of her and she sank on to the bed.

Toshiro sat on the bed near Soi and for a moment she felt hope. "I don't want to be enemies," he said.

It was so much less than that she had hoped for and she found she had to cover the sob with a laugh. "It's too late for that."

"What should I do? This is not working out the way I wanted."

The admission stunned her. He sounded like a petulant little boy who was being deprived of a sweet. Offended she was harsh in her reply. "The way you wanted? Is it all about you? It's not working out the way I wanted either. There, we've talked. You can go now."

The silence was short but cold until he again surprised her by admitting, "I don't hate you."

A surge of elation ran through her bones, but she suppressed it quickly and gave the coldest response she could elicit. "I don't care how you frigging feel about me, or anything else. What will it take to get you to leave? If I fuck you, will you go?" One more fuck, one more chance of release with him.

"Yes," he agreed immediately.

The interaction with Toshiro was everything she hoped it wouldn't be and she cursed her stupidity that suggested she make the offer. Feeling unsettled she was harsh and curt, not allowing him to kiss her, appearing indifferent to his touch.

The sex was angry and exciting. She decided to insult him further to push him away from her, at least emotionally. "Yes, like that. Why didn't you do that in the first place? The way you were talking made me think you were going soft," she said arching her hips up to meet him.

"I'm not. I don't like you at all except for fucking you."

"Shut up and screw me, Toshiro. You can kiss me, if you must," Soi ordered, unable to suppress the groan.

She looked at him, hoping her expression did not show anything except anger and lust. He kept his eyes fixed on hers as he slowed, unhurriedly continuing to screw her.

Then he kissed her and she knew this was something she did not want. Instead of shoving him away as she knew she should, she returned his kiss. For a time she was lost to all except his mouth, but came to her senses.

"Are you going to keep screwing me or not, Toshiro?"

He tried to kiss her again but she turned her head to one side, refusing to meet his eyes. "No. No more kissing. I want this over and your thing out of my body….after you make me come, of course." For a moment she wondered if he would notice what she said, but hoped he would put a different interpretation onto her words.

Toshiro began to take her more forcefully than ever before, driving into her with ferocity she had not experienced until now, and she found the anger a stimulant. The orgasm roared through her body.

Recovering her senses, a single thought was present. She had to get him to leave. It was important that he would leave and not seek her out again. There was one thing she could do that would drive him from her. Deny him the pleasure he had provided to her. "I've come. You can go now." The words were timed to the minute.

He climaxed. Retreating from her, he rose quickly and dressed and left, saying nothing further.

Refusing to watch him leave, Soi turned her back to the door and shut her eyes. The sound of a person sobbing broke her peace, but it was unimportant.

She was so tired. The day had been long, the events many, but she believed that this would be the last encounter with Toshiro. It could not occur again. Despite the maelstrom of emotions she was feeling, despite all the thoughts racing through her mind, she slept.

When she woke it was morning and nearly time for her 'meeting' with Captain Unohana. Noticing she was not in her quarters she quickly dressed and made her way back to her quarters. She didn't want to be examined in the clothes she had worn before and her need to wash meant more than punctuality.

Arriving at the office a few minutes late, she was ushered in immediately. The Captain was kneeling by the door, looking out over the garden, appearing serene and in control.

"Another beautiful sunrise this morning," was her greeting.

Soi nodded and knelt on beside her, looking at the ordered form of the scene before her.

"I trust you slept well last night and have had time to think about matters. Any decision you make must be one you can accept in the future as the correct choice. I realise that this may be difficult, but Captain Fong, as I was recently forced to make the same choice, I urge you to not be rash." Captain Unohana's voice was gentle, but firm.

Soi bit her lip and she formulated her response. "I haven't decided. Before I can decide I need to know."

Turning to face her patient, Captain Unohana looked directly into Soi's eyes and nodded slowly. Seeing the compassion, Soi flinched, unwilling to accept that anyone could feel sorrow for her.

"When I finally recognised my symptoms, I cried. I knew that the relationship with the child's father could not last because it is founded on pity, opportunity and need. I wondered for some time if I was developing feelings for Shuhei, but that is not important. He needs to focus on his Division as they need his leadership and I need to concentrate on my Division. It took a few days for me to decide to keep the child. Joy gives me my last regret," her eyes dropped as she finished her explanation.

Soi did not know how to respond. Handling her own feelings was proving difficult, but being privy to other people's feelings made her feel anxious. "It's your decision," was all she could offer.

"Yes it is. It is now time to examine you, Captain," was the cool response.

As the examination took place Soi wondered if she had offended the Captain. How could she tell? She steeled herself to hear the verdict.

"You are definitely pregnant. My initial guess is confirmed that you probably fell pregnant on the same day as I. The child is developing normally and you are both healthy. Now the decision is up to you," was the eventual decision.

Again Soi found emotions conflicting within her. She denied the surge of joy, acknowledged the despair and fought the fear. "You're not mistaken?" was her hopeful question.

"No. Now we have 3 senior officers pregnant. I wonder if the bride will soon be seeking my advice, also," was the studied comment.

"Are you saying that the lieutenant is pregnant as well?" Soi was thunderstruck.

"I don't know. I haven't had the opportunity to observe her closely and remember that Zaraki did make that claim as one of the reasons he wished to marry her." Captain Unohana seemed to accept that the pregnancy was probable.

Soi found she was shaking her head. "What is happening? Did Aizen do something before he left? Did he implant an idea in all our minds to fuck the first person we saw and fall pregnant? I don't want to have a child now. I don't want to carry stupid Toshiro's child. He wants to marry Momo and I'd feel like a fool if he marries that female carrying Aizen's get while I'm pregnant with his." Horrified, Soi realised she was crying. She didn't want Toshiro to marry Momo or for their affair to be over. All the time she had felt violently opposed to his possible marriage she was lying to herself about the reasons.

"How do you know he wants to marry Lieutenant Hinamori?" Captain Unohana's question made Soi cry harder.

"He asked me if I thought it was a good idea," the words were jerky as Soi tried to bring her breathing under control. "I told him it was a stupid idea. Do you think it's a stupid idea, Captain Unohana?"

"Please, call me Retsu, Soi. We've reached a point that I think formality between us is silly. His idea to marry the girl is not wise. Lieutenant Hinamori and he are not suited even though they are friends," Retsu's voice was soothing. "But he is very fond of her."

Soi nodded and feeling the sympathy from the woman she blurted out the other things that worried her. "I told him what I thought of Momo. I said she was pathetic, feeble minded, an idiot and a moron. I also insulted his lieutenant and that was wrong. But Momo annoys me." She wiped her face on the tissue Retsu offered.

"If you talk to Captain Hitsugaya, I think you should avoid mentioning Momo. It upsets you and probably he becomes offended when you speak of his friend that way. You need to think matters through very carefully. Why don't you visit me again tomorrow after you've had time to consider your decision? I would advise you to talk to Lieutenant Rangiku, but I think that Captain Zaraki will not welcome interruptions for the next few days." Retsu spoke slowly, seemingly considering what she was saying carefully.

"They're still together? After that last meeting?" Soi was incredulous. She had thought they might reach a new understanding, but the memory of the crude passion unsettled her.

"Of course they are. Now, Soi, I think before you leave you should eat and drink something. You need to recover your composure before other people see you. Please, share my breakfast while we contemplate the beauty of the garden."

* * *

A.N.

I needed to write this chapter before I can update 'Different Circumstances'. Hell, there may have to be a further chapter as well. Another Chapter 13, but the bad luck is not quite as dramatic.

Soundtrack

'All The Things She Said', Tatu

'Slave One' Kinobe

'Shiro' from Wolf's Rain by Yoko Kanno

'Teardrop' Massive Attack

'Lopez' 808 State

Thanks to Barbed Wire Proxy, ShadowedDagger Rips Asunder, Chaotic Symphony, Tiggabear, spedclass, MishyMoo, Okibimaru, X-Sadistic-Bitch-X and theunknownvoice for the reviews. You keep reviewing, I'll keep writing. Simple.

(Hell, now I'm thanking people?)

Review. I like reviews.


	14. Soured Love

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Soured Love**

Trying to talk to Yamamoto was proving to be more of a trial than either of them anticipated. For every suggestion they made he required a full explanation of the choice and the reasoning. Each reason he countered with an observation about the character of the nominee which made him or her unsuitable for the position of captain.

"Renji Abarai is too undisciplined. I'd hoped that the example of his captain would provide him with a model of behaviour," was his first comment.

"Sir, he is a senior officer and he has proven his worth. He has reached bankai and marriage may settle him," Soi sounded very certain of her facts.

"Kira should be given the opportunity," Toshiro said. He tried to sound as if he believed his suggestion, but he did not feel the certainty he was trying to project and he knew that Renji was the better alternative. The one major flaw was Renji had fought against his Captain and could be considered insubordinate. "He knows the Division and is the logical choice."

"3rd Division need new blood, a new way. They're scarred by the desertion of their captain and I do not feel that Kira has the character or the charisma to lead. Has he reached bankai?" Soi slid in the last comment adroitly and Toshiro again felt a surge of admiration for the woman.

Now that they were completely estranged he found he respected her. It was not possible to forgive her behaviour the last time they had screwed, no man would; yet he almost understood why she did it. Her rejection of him was complete and she had made it clear that there could be nothing between them. Each time she had tried to end it, he had pressed her to continue, despite her obvious need to finish with him. Some nights he couldn't help but imagine how that fuck would have ended if she hadn't interrupted at that moment. It had all gone wrong.

If only he could turn the clock back to the time before he'd asked that stupid question. If he could have that naked, horny Soi in his arms and forget about Momo and the rest of the Seireitei, forget about the abduction of his lieutenant and this ill conceived plan to distract the old man while the gateway to Hueco Mundo was created. He still didn't know why he'd opened his stupid mouth.

"Unfortunately I cannot ask Lieutenant Abarai his opinion on the matter as he has left, without permission, to assist the deputy Shinigami. I do not believe that marriage will settle him. His future wife accompanied him and she has requested a two year engagement. I had expected a speedier wedding, but the woman feels she needs time," Captain Yamamoto said. "As you say, Lieutenant Kira Izuru is the logical choice, but I do not favour him."

"I urge you to consider Renji Abarai," Soi said firmly, "even if the appointment is only temporary. You could choose short-term captains so the Divisions do not feel leaderless. The fact that new captains haven't been appointed makes you look indecisive," Soi slid the intended barb in cleverly, with a subtle deference.

Yamamoto gave Soi a cool look after her comment. She had hit a nerve as she intended, but Toshiro wondered if it would persuade him to make a decision.

"We are all suffering because of the traitors," Toshiro said firmly, trying to provide support for Soi. "New captains might help, even provisional ones."

"I am aware of this," Captain Yamamoto sounded terse and the disapproval was clear in his expression. "To discuss this properly I should call a Captain's meeting."

"We don't need to do that," Toshiro broke in urgently. "My idea was to present potential candidates to you for your consideration. You know that most will follow your lead, Sir."

Yamamoto nodded and the discussion continued, painfully. The only redeeming feature was that Soi worked with him, even while appearing vehemently opposed to his suggestions. Yamamoto was becoming obviously tired of the discussion after the first hour and called a halt. "I need to eat. The recent events have exhausted all of us. Come back in an hour, an hour and a half, if you feel the need to continue this debate," he said, rising from his chair.

"Um, Sir, can't we eat with you and continue the conversation?" If Yamamoto left he might enquire about Zaraki's whereabouts. Toshiro needed Zaraki to leave and rescue Matsumoto. If Zaraki could overcome overwhelming obstacles, then maybe it was an indication that Toshiro could turn his life around. There might be a slim possibility that Matsumoto might help him sort out his problems as no one else could. It also meant he could spend more time with Soi and that was attractive to him. Her keen intelligence was refreshing, and he wanted to excuse to look at her.

"No. I require a break from this conversation. Come back in an hour." The Captain –General's tone brooked no argument and he stood and escorted them to the door.

Soi and Toshiro looked at each other as soon as they were outside. "Hungry?" he asked.

"Yes. I will not dine with you," Soi replied, dashing his hopes. "That would imply something."

"Come on Soi. Let's be mature about this. It's just company while we eat. You don't have to talk to me." He didn't know why he was persisting. It was clear that she did not want to spend any time with him, but for some reason he didn't want to be apart from her.

Her level gaze seemed to question his motivation, as did he. "We have spent most of today in each other's company. After our last encounter I thought you would be glad to be away from me."

"Maybe," he said and impulsively leant across and kissed her. Her hands pushed at him as their lips met then instead of pushing him away she held him close and responded. Toshiro refused to think, just wrapped his arms around the woman and continued to kiss her, enjoying the feeling of her form within his arms. She did not relax, but seemed to mould herself against him.

Suddenly Soi jerked her mouth from his and gave him a confused look which rapidly turned to rage. She dropped her arms and pulled away from him. "I need to be alone," she said and moved away rapidly.

As tempted as he was to follow her, he recognised it was a bad idea. Once again he'd given into a whim that should have been ignored and Soi was angry with him. This time he had been fortunate that she did not try to kill him and only wished to spend time away from him. He hadn't immediately wanted to screw her while kissing her. Instead he was more interested in holding her close, feeling the warmth and passion that lay under the surface.

How many errors could he make with one person? Feeling cursed, he went into the nearest place that sold food, ordered and ate without tasting what he consumed. Once he had thought of again asking Shunsui his advice, but while they were friends he was not sure he could trust his discretion. The man did like to gossip, except about himself. Also, any advice he had given was a little strange. His antipathy to his lieutenant seemed to waver at times and Toshiro had trouble working out how he really felt. So far they had not thought of any ploy to make Yamamoto notice Nanao and recent events made the idea seem unimportant.

If he decided to follow Shunsui's earlier advice, which was the only advice he'd had thus far, it still left him with one problem. How did he get to know Soi? Now he knew he wanted to find out more about her, follow through the idea of becoming, if not a friend, at least someone she didn't avoid. If only that bastard Aizen hadn't impregnated Momo, life would be much easier.

"Captain? I'm surprised to find you here. I wanted to talk to you," a low voice speaking behind his left shoulder startled him. The voice was not familiar and he wasn't sure if he knew it.

Swivelling around, he recognised Kiyone Koutestu, the 3rd seat from 13th Division. "Did your captain ask you to speak to me?" He was curious as he did not think he had any business with Captain Ukitake but the distraction from his thoughts was welcome.

"It's an urgent matter that I need to discuss with you, in private, Captain Hitsugaya," she said as she gazed earnestly into his eyes.

He found the intensity of her gaze unsettling, but as he had finished eating and there was still half an hour before he could talk to Captain Yamamoto again he decided he may as well find out what this female wished to discuss. She gave every appearance of being sincere without the inanity he expected from her. "Private? Why? Where?"

"Follow me. I know just the place," was the quick reply. "It's not far."

Wondering, he paid his bill and escorted Kiyone from the building and she led the way toward 13th Division. She attempted a few conversational overtures but he didn't really reply, caught up as he was with his thoughts about Soi, Zaraki, Ichimaru and Matsumoto. Finally one comment made by Kiyone broke through his thoughts.

"I'm sorry your lieutenant was abducted." She looked at him, concern mirrored in her eyes.

"So am I. I don't feel that she will be treated well," he said slowly. While he spoke he again hoped that Yamamoto had not sent for Zaraki or any of the others who were working on the passageway. Briefly he considered that he demand to join the expedition, but remembered that his role was to divert attention.

"But Captain Ichimaru loved her once. Surely he won't hurt her. He must still love her; otherwise why go to all this trouble?" Kiyone said disingenuously.

"Love? I know Matsumoto loved him but I've never been certain if the affection was returned. It was hard on her that her love seemed to be ignored and then rejected," Toshiro commented with only half his attention on what he was saying. He was again thinking of Soi. The last kiss they'd shared confused him.

"We're here," Kiyone said, opening a door and waiting for him to precede her into the room.

Looking around the street he wondered if she had mistaken the building. They were in what seemed to be her quarters. There was a fresh sleeping mat laid out on the floor, sweet scented plum blossom were on a small table, and the room was tidy, very tidy. It appeared that someone had cleaned all the surfaces methodically and attempted to make the room as welcoming as possible. Toshiro has a sudden bad feeling about this. "Why here?"

The woman moved very close to him, so close that her clothes brushed his. "Because it's time to tell you how I feel about you," she said. Her voice sounded odd, like she was trying to sound seductive, instead she sounded like she had a bad cold.

The gist of the comments dawned on Toshiro and his stomach churned. His hasty lunch was rebelling. "How you…. feel about me? Why should you feel anything for me? I'm a Captain of a different division. Now is not a good time to talk about feelings," he said quickly moving toward the door but she moved in front of him, blocking the exit.

"You have to listen to me. I know about you and that Fong woman," the emphasis on the 2nd Divisions Captain's name was not lost on Toshiro.

He decided to act as if he did not know what she was talking about. "She is a Captain and we have talked in the course of our normal duties." He began to walk toward the door again, determined to get out of the room before anything more could be said.

"You've done more than talk, a lot more. I know. I know you had sex with her. How could you?" She again moved to block his exit and her face was close to his as she spat out the words.

For a second he was pleased that she wasn't crying. Then he straightened to be as tall as he could and looked at her firmly. "How could I? How could I what?" He tried to move, but her hands were clutching at his coat. Not wishing to touch her, he nonetheless tried to remove her frantic grasp.

"Why her? Why not me?" The voice that asked the questions was fierce.

Taken aback he stopped trying to remove her hands from his coat. "You?"

"Yes, me. I've been waiting for you to notice me. I was walking past the place when I saw Fong go inside. I wondered why she was in a building that was so far from her Division and then I saw you go inside. It was apparent to me that you'd arranged to meet. I saw you leave. You looked angry but satisfied at the same time. I guessed what you'd been doing and it made me cry. You hurt me," the accusation was very strong.

"Why should it hurt you?" Toshiro was dumbfounded. She was the person sobbing? That couldn't be right, but then he was pretty sure it hadn't been Soi crying. But Kiyone? He'd hardly noticed this woman and now she appeared to be inferring that they had a relationship. Women were becoming more of a problem in his life than he had ever thought possible. Now he began to long for the days when his only problem female had been his lieutenant and occasionally Momo. There had been a pleasant absence of these confusing conversations that seemed to be continually taking place in his life.

"Because I love you, Cap… Toshiro. I love you and want to be with you," she said her hands again gripping his coat. She brought her face close to his and tried to kiss him.

He'd only recently kissed Soi and didn't want to tongue tango with this person. Placing his hands on her shoulders he pushed her away. She tried to move closer, but he exerted his strength and released some of his reiatsu to help increase his strength. Kiyone staggered back, releasing his coat. "You don't love me and I have no feelings for you. I'm going. I have a meeting with Captain Yamamoto," he stuttered, trying to sound confident.

"If you don't break with her, I'll tell everyone. Gossip travels fast," there was no way he could mistake what she meant.

"It's over between us," the words were quickly said and he tried to quell the disappointment he felt as he uttered them.

Kiyone smiled and he did not like the expression of approval in her eyes that accompanied the smile.

"I'm not free to form any romantic liaison," he said stiffly, trying to be as formal as possible. "The current situation is very worrying and I wish to remain focused on the problems that need to be addressed. I must go."

"I won't tell anyone about you and Fong," Kiyone said sweetly. "As long as you don't start anything with her again, or anyone else."

Toshiro turned and looked at her sharply. "You cannot dictate my actions. I will be talking to your Captain later today. My personal life is not open for discussion."

"How would your friend, Lieutenant Hinamori, feel about this secret?" Kiyone said very softly. Her eyes were shadowed as she asked the question and her face was turned from him.

Toshiro felt a shock run through him. He had not guessed that she, that anyone, would sink that low. "I don't know you, but I did not think you would be needlessly cruel. Momo is still recovering from shock," Toshiro found he was protesting and did not like the feeling that this woman could hurt her for no good reason.

"I didn't mean it about Momo. I wanted a reaction. I'm not cruel, but I'm in earnest. Captain Yamamoto might be interested," Kiyone continued.

"I'll advise your Captain that you've attempted blackmail," Toshiro said. He felt the coldness he suppressed begin to grow within him.

"You can't unless you tell him what… that is, it's not blackmail. I'm not asking for money," Kiyone looked startled and distressed. "I only want you to spend time with me."

Looking steadily at her Toshiro spoke slowly and carefully. "I owe you nothing. Your captain is an honourable man. I won't spend time with you. Act as you wish, but prepare for consequences."

He left without giving her a chance to answer. The incident made his already confused mind stagger at yet another matter which it had to think about. Until now he had paid little mind to Kiyone, only as a figure that shadowed her captain and was often found drunk and giggling with the other third seat of 13th Division. She was very unlike her sister who was conscious of her dignity. He supposed she was pretty, but now he found he preferred dark hair, slanted eyes and a cool dignity.

Striding back through the streets, he passes a shop selling unusual items. For some reason a small onyx figure of a reclining cat caught his attention. A few minutes later, a little package was in his pocket and he continued his journey to 1st Division. He knew Soi liked black cats and he hoped if he gave her the statue, she might forgive him the kiss.

Arriving outside the 1st Division headquarters he saw Soi was already there, seemingly composed and untroubled. She observed him with little interest and then nodded slightly. "The passageway is nearly completed," the murmured communication made him immediately jerk in unconscious reaction. "We must keep the old man occupied for another 20 minutes at least. We could return to my earlier plan and fight each other to the death. Don't kiss me again."

Toshiro suppressed his urge to protest and knew that giving her the present would be a mistake. Her face was closed and if he gave her anything she might try to force him to eat it. "No. I won't fight you. He'd probably have us imprisoned because of the mood he's in. Zaraki shook him up earlier and I think he's still smarting."

Soi nodded slowly. "Perhaps."

As they waited Toshiro was overcome by a feeling of foreboding. This was a mistake. Yamamoto didn't want to make these decisions or be forced into thinking about it. They both fell silent, waiting for the summons to go inside. Wondering what they could say to the Captain-General to keep him occupied was making him think of ridiculous plans, like kissing Soi in front of Yamamoto, despite her demand that he not do it again. Or he could request permission to lead a rescue mission to Hueco Mundo to save Matsumoto. The ploy of suggesting potential captains was wearing thin.

Minutes passed. "I'll suggest his lieutenant next," Soi said, her eyes fixed on the opposite wall.

"For which Division?" Toshiro didn't really care, he was just making conversation to pass the time and stop thinking.

"5th."

5th Division. Momo. He'd have to visit her again, though the thought depressed him. He'd tell her nothing of recent events as he was uncertain how she would react to news of the marriage or abduction. Her focus had narrowed so much that he worried if she would be able to cope with reality. Momo's way of looking at life had always been slightly skewed but now it was even more illogical than before. If he mentioned this discussion Yamamoto she would immediately deny that Aizen should be replaced. Despite all the evidence she claimed that he would return, that he was innocent and it was all a misunderstanding. Captain Unohana had mentioned that he should tell Momo about her condition as soon as possible, suggesting it might be the key to breaking the layers of denial Momo had woven. With a surge of guilt he feared Momo was now clinically insane.

"I wonder if the old man will even see us. We've been waiting and we know that his lieutenant has told him we're here," Soi's voice broke the silence.

Just as she spoke the lieutenant opened the door and ushered them inside.

Captain Yamamoto was standing and observed them fiercely. He paused, waiting for them to pay him their full attention and then spoke quietly, but forcefully. "The passageway is completed and the rescue party has left."

His jaw dropping, Toshiro wondered if he'd misheard. He was telling them that Zaraki and the others had left? That couldn't be correct. Soi and he were here for the sole purpose of distracting him.

"I'm not sure I understand you, Sir," Soi said, her voice much calmer than Toshiro would have managed.

"Do you think I'm stupid, or gullible? I showed the man the passageway deliberately. That way it was completed much faster and he can go to retrieve his wife rather than breaking things, or trying to fight me." Yamamoto's face was creased and Toshiro found it difficult to read his expression. He began to feel a touch of concern that he was in this predicament.

"How did you know?" He may as well ask the obvious question.

"I've been monitoring the situation. When Zaraki's 3rd seat provided the reason for the attack, I knew this might happen," was the cool answer. Yamamoto gestured for them to sit. He sat in his chair and they knelt on the mats on the floor.

"You knew this might happen?" Soi seemed as confused as Toshiro. "Why did you allow us to be drugged?"

"I didn't. My instructions were that all the food and drink should be tested, and they were but not immediately before the party commenced. Ichimaru had time and assistance to add the drug while we were distracted by the celebration," his tone was dismissive but his stern gaze was assurance enough that someone would be punished for the oversight. "I'm hoping that Captain Zaraki will create enough confusion in Hueco Mundo to severely interfere with Aizen's plans. With luck Zaraki might kill him." His eyes looked sad for a moment, but he quickly recovered and stared at Toshiro.

"So that's why you refused to fight him. You wanted him in a white hot rage because his anger fuels his ability to fight," Soi said slowly as she reasoned out the Captain-General's reasoning.

"Yes. Exactly," he nodded at Soi. "He will kill anyone who stands in his way."

"But what will happen if Matsumoto is," Toshiro paused before he said the word, not wanting to admit the possibility, "dead."

"Then nothing will stand of either Hueco Mundo or the Seireitei. But that is a small concern. I don't believe Ichimaru will allow her to die," Yamamoto seemed very sure of his facts and Toshiro wondered why.

"How can you be sure of that?" he demanded, wanting any form of reassurance.

"I cannot discuss that with you," Yamamoto said severely. His brows drew together and Toshiro decided that now was not the time to probe further.

Soi appeared to be lost in thought. Her eyes moved rapidly around the room as if she was trying to remember something. "If she's hurt, that will be a problem."

"That's why I didn't prevent Captain Unohana from accompanying Zaraki. I anticipate the lieutenant will be injured," was the reply.

Toshiro felt a stab of fury shoot through him. The man had risked Matsumoto for some damned strategic reason and was now admitting she might get hurt. "You knew this might happen and did nothing to stop it? You allowed my lieutenant to be abducted? Ichimaru won't allow her to be killed, but he will allow her to be hurt? How do you know this?"

Yamamoto nodded and his gaze was cool. "He may have no choice. If we had not been drugged the situation would be better. We are soldiers, Captain Hitsugaya and we are fighting a devious enemy."

He heard Soi emit a low hiss. "We might be solders, Sir, but we are not dolls which can be discarded or toyed with. I formally resign my commission as Captain."

"As do I," Toshiro said rising to his feet. Soi was right. The man was treating them with contempt, even though he was their commander. He'd placed them all in jeopardy and then encouraged Zaraki to head a dangerous mission by the simple method of forbidding him to take that action. He'd manipulated them the way Aizen had and that realisation rankled.

Yamamoto stood quickly and spoke, his voice thundering through the room. "You cannot. If you take one step out of this room I will give orders for you to be imprisoned immediately. Give the Captain a chance to rescue his wife. There is more at work here than the simple kidnapping of a former lover. It's a direct insult to my leadership."

His leadership? His honour was more important than the safety of his subordinates? "You cannot force us to remain," was Toshiro's immediate response. How much power did the man wield?

"I can. I will." The blunt response was unequivocal.

Soi stood very straight and very stiff and her words were crisp and cool. "You are directly responsible for the death of some of my people."

"I am directly responsible for that and the near death of Lieutenant Kusajishi. I had asked her to keep watch on your lieutenant, Captain Hitsugaya. I hoped her quick reflexes might give us time to react if Ichimaru reappeared as I expected. She was reluctant. Only her devotion to her Captain swayed her judgement."

The admission amazed Toshiro who believed, just for a moment, that he heard a note of regret in his superior's voice. "If Captain Zaraki finds out, you won't be safe."

"He won't find out," Yamamoto sounded very sure.

Toshiro and Soi exchanged glances and then realised what they were doing and looked away. In that moment he could see she was as confused as he was. "How can you be sure of that?" He tried to cover his small blunder.

"Because I order you, as your commanding officer, to keep this conversation confidential. You are both known for your discretion and if these details become common knowledge it will cause widespread disharmony within the Seireitei. I am declaring a state of emergency and I am the law. No one may contradict me."

After the Captain-General spoke there was silence.

"I can manipulate your memory if necessary," the words were uttered with consideration and Toshiro had no doubt that this could happen. Did he want to know these facts?

"I will remain silent on these matters, Sir. Once the crisis is over we will have a reckoning," was the slow response given by Soi. "I do not agree with the way you have managed this."

"Realise, both of you, that no one can question my actions once the crisis is over. This is not personal," was Yamamoto's explanation.

Toshiro took a deep breath. The cold that has been increasing through this meeting was now shown by the whiteness of his breath as he exhaled. "Personal or not, Sir, I choose to follow you, for now. Later, may find me of a different mind."

Nodding curtly Yamamoto replied, "Your decision. Return to your Divisions and await further orders. Captain Fong, I direct that your Special Forces be placed at the entrance to the passageway to prevent anyone leaving or any unwelcome visitors arriving."

Dropping her eyes, Soi nodded and left. Toshiro bowed as insultingly as he could and walked toward to door.

"Your lieutenant will return alive. When Captain Zaraki returns I think you will be needed," were the astonishing words. Pausing for a moment, Toshiro shrugged and exited. He wanted to believe the reassurance but found that the former trust he held for the Captain-General was shattered.

--

A.N.

You thought this would be straightforward? You're obviously reading the wrong story.

_Soundtrack_

'Decline' DJ Salt

'Under the Influence' The Chemical Brothers

'Cold and Intimate' Nitin Sawhey

'My Kingdom' Future Sounds of London

Review. I like reviews.


	15. Friendship's Mercy

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Friendship's Mercy**

After the meeting with Yamamoto, Soi walked unwillingly back to her quarters. The news had come as a shock on top of the other setbacks she had received recently. Revulsion beset her as she accepted that the Commander had guessed that Ichimaru would remain after the unsuccessful abduction and had not mentioned it to any of them. He'd known much more than he'd told anyone and Soi believed he knew even more which he wouldn't disclose. Lives had been foolishly destroyed on the whim of two men. Manipulating Kenpachi and the rest of them to complete the gate more quickly had been clever, but the reasons were suspect.

To add to the mix there was the question of her pregnancy and her irrepressible reaction to Toshiro's kiss. Now she knew the situation and admitted that she needed to make a decision, it became less important that she decide quickly. Instead of her usual rash judgments, she would take care and examine how either decision would affect her. This time she would use logic rather than allow emotion to shape her decision.

Arriving at her office, she was met at the door by her lieutenant who seemed unusually agitated. "Sir, I mean Commander, I mean Ma'am, she insists on seeing you," he complained, nervously. "I told her you were busy, but she said she had to talk to you immediately."

Soi arched her left eyebrow. It seemed to take little to upset this man and she wondered which female had brought him to this pass. "Get out of my way. I think I may recommend you return to the Academy as you seem unable to follow even the simplest orders; for example keeping people out of my office," was her disgusted reply. The man was useless.

Entering her office, the culprit was revealed sitting disconsolately in the visitor's chair. Her shoulders were hunched and she dabbed at her face with her sleeve, drying the tears that were falling from her half shut eyes. She then wiped her gloved hand over her skin again, as if to blot her face dry. The visitor's face was pale, her eyes rimmed red, the skin on her cheeks and forehead blotchy with emotion and her bottom lip was trembling; but she jumped to her feet as Soi entered the office and bowed slightly.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Captain Fong. My Captain asked me to bring some matters to your attention and gave me this note," she blubbed waving a bedraggled note.

"Compose yourself. You are a Shinigami, not a waterfall. Presenting yourself in this manner to a superior is a sign of extreme disrespect," Soi felt the hard won peace desert her as she surveyed the soggy female fiasco in front of her and her voice was correspondingly harsh.

Her visitor, pulled out of her emotional introspection by the callous tone, wavered and then straightened her shoulders, trying to stand straight. The attempt lasted seconds before Kiyone burst into loud sobs and mopped at her eyes with her already drenched sleeve. Her gloves were saturated also.

"Oh, sit down. Here, take this and dry your eyes," Soi handed her some cloth as she tried to make her tone insensitive, fearing that if she showed any compassion, the sobs would redouble. "For Heaven's sake, cease the weeping. It sounds like the sobbing I heard..." Soi stopped. The sobbing was familiar; she had heard it that night, after her doomed encounter with Toshiro. "It was you," the words were little more than a whisper.

Kiyone, after sitting down, had wiped her face and blown her nose; she seemed slightly calmer. Her wet eyes looked at Soi for a moment in confusion. "What was me?"

"You were sobbing, near 3rd Division a few nights ago." Soi explained as she watched the girl thoughtfully.

She watched as Kiyone's face turned white, then red and then it paled again as her eyes darted away from Soi's looking furtively around the room. "I don't know what you mean. I wasn't anywhere near the place you describe, nor was anyone else. It wasn't me."

She didn't want to force the issue, but felt impelled to ask, yet if she asked she was certain that Kiyone would start bawling again. Instead she decided to find out the reason Captain Ukitake had sent his 3rd seat to see her. "What is it your Captain wishes to know?"

"He wants me to say, I hope I get this right, 'I'm sorry for the loss of your men in protecting my friend.' He said he's very grateful that you tried." Kiyone said interspersed with a few sobs. "He gave me this note," she repeated, but this time she handed over the piece of paper. Soi took it reluctantly as it had been soaking up the moisture in the girl's glove.

The explanation did not make a lot of sense but Kiyone's words reminded her of the recent revelation and she again felt a surge or rage at Yamamoto at the needless loss of life. It was better to feel that, than deal with her other disquieting ideas.

Calming herself she wondered why Ukitake had ordered the girl to visit her. He could have sent a note by ordinary messenger, or just mentioned at the end of a Captain's meeting, he didn't need to send his 3rd seat unless… She opened the soggy envelope, took out the note and read it quickly. It contained one word: 'Help!!' That gave her at least a hint of the issue he wanted her to address. "Have you been crying long?"

Kiyone nodded and began to sob again. "On and off for a few days. The Captain suggested that some fresh air would do me good and might take my mind off whatever was bothering me."

"But why send her to me? Why not her sis….. Oh. Because sympathy makes her worse. He could have sent her to Nanao, but Captain Kyoraku would be sympathetic," Soi figured it out while staring at her visitor. "Terrific. Typical man. Can't solve the problem so sends the problem elsewhere; to me."

Raising her voice she commanded, "Stop crying, damn you!"

Kiyone gasped and then began to cough and then sneeze. Sneeze after sneeze exploded from her mouth and Soi tried to get out of range.

"Stop sneezing, Koutestu! Get a grip on yourself. You're out of order and disruptive. Blow your nose, take a deep breath and stop weeping," she made her voice as strident as she could to be heard over the noise of the sneezing.

Shocked, Kiyone did as ordered. She blew her nose and tried to stop the sneezing. Her eyes watered slightly from the strength of the sneezes, but she took a few deep breaths.

"Now, relax your shoulders," Soi said as she poured some water. "Drink this completely and then we will talk. You have got yourself into some kind of trouble and your Captain sent you to me for advice. He's a fool, but you're a bigger one."

Not even debating the point, Kiyone nodded. "Yes, Captain. I've done something stupid."

"Can't you tell your sister?" Soi asked with faint hope.

"She'll be so angry with me. She's always told me I shouldn't drink so much and if I hadn't then this wouldn't have happened. She's going to be humiliated by me, I know she is, and there's nothing I can do. I've been such an idiot," Kiyone said sadly.

Believing she knew what Kiyone was going to say, but reluctant to ask, Soi shook her head. This could not be happening. It was verging on ridiculous. "What did you do?"

Kiyone took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but started crying again, the words blurred as she uttered them, making it hard to understand. "I didn't really mean it", (indistinguishable phrase) "and he was so" (another word Soi couldn't understand). It only got worse with the words, "black; Captain; you; cold; threat; sorry," emerging clearly while the rest was lost in the sobs, gurgles and sighs emerging from the girl.

The garbled explanation only served to infuriate Soi and she slammed her hand down on the desk causing Kiyone to jump and look at her through tear drenched eyes. "I have no idea of half of what you've said. If you want me to listen you have to be coherent. Did your Captain send you to me for a particular reason?"

The girl nodded and looked very uneasy. "Yes."

"Why?" The word shot out of Soi's mouth.

There was a pause before she received a reply and she watched a play of different expressions cross her visitors face. "Because of what I did. I asked him to send me to you," Kiyone's mumble was almost unintelligible.

"Does he know what you did?" the anger was increasing at the difficulty in holding this conversation and it made Soi feel edgy.

"No. I couldn't tell him, but Captain Hitsugaya will. Can you ask Captain Hitsugaya not to tell him, please Captain Fong? Please?" was the heartrending wail that came from her visitor.

Trying to cover the rush of sensation that was aroused by hearing the girl utter Toshiro's name, Soi spoke quickly hoping her voice was steady. "Why is he involved? What makes you think Captain Hitsugaya will listen to me?"

There was a pause as she waited for a reply. "I know, you know," was all Kiyone retorted, her eyes looking anywhere but at Soi.

The ambiguity of the comment did not assist Soi's tenuous hold on her temper and she had a bad feeling what might be revealed. "I know, you know, what? Am I meant to understand what you are saying? Explain now, or feel pain."

She could see that Kiyone wanted to tell her, but feared her reaction. Finally, sitting in a hunched position she said very quietly, as she plucked at the collar of her shirt, "You've had sex with Captain Hitsugaya."

With much effort Soi did not say a word or allow a frown to form, while her thoughts ran riot. "She knows or suspects? Did she tell Toshiro she knew?" were the first ideas to flash through her mind and more questions and fears raged through her as she tried to remain impassive, fixing her hard stare on this person who threatened her privacy. It seemed so wrong that this should happen today after all the other crises. The main problem was she did not want to think about Toshiro. Not now.

"You're not trying to deny it," Kiyone sounded surprised. Her forehead wrinkled and her mouth drooped in disappointment at the lack of reaction.

"Why should I deny or confirm anything to you? I am your superior and my private life is none of your concern. If you mention this to anyone else you might find that angering me is a dangerous and stupid past time." Soi forced the words from her mouth, not bothering to hide the anger she was feeling at this person who dared to state the truth.

The girl cringed and began to cry again. "I know you don't care about him."

That statement made Soi recoil. How could the girl know anything, or even guess and why was this occurring today when all she really wanted to do was sleep? Too much had happened and this was another unwelcome complication. "Explain!"

"I saw you enter that place and he arrived afterwards. You stayed together for a time and then he left, looking annoyed, but satisfied. I guessed you'd done 'it' with him and you didn't care about him. Why would you meet there away from everyone else if it wasn't for sex? You don't care about anyone except Yo…" thinking better of saying the name the girl paused and then continued. "You didn't try to reassure him when his lieutenant was abducted. That's how I know you don't care. You talked to Retsu but not Captain Hitsugaya. When I was having a little drinkie this morning, I found a letter in my pocket, telling me that Captain Hitsugaya liked me and I thought I'd check. It seemed like a good idea, or maybe it was the alcohol that made it seem like a good idea."

"Where is this letter? Did it mention me? Was it signed?" Soi asked urgently. Too many unexplained events were occurring together. If she could see the note maybe she would have an idea who was behind this.

Kiyone shrugged indifferently. "I can't remember if it mentioned you and I don't know where the letter is and it wasn't signed. That's not important? I wanted to find out if it was right, so I talked to Captain Hitsugaya. I told him I knew about you and said I'd tell people if he kept seeing you. I tried to kiss him, but he wouldn't let me and now I'm in a bigger mess and I can't tell my sister about either problem and I don't know what to do." The last sentence finished in a wail that jarred on Soi's ears.

Spending some time rocking back and forth in the chair hugging herself, Kiyone sobbed quietly. Soi didn't feel like saying anything, except asking her to leave and never return. As she was about to do so Kiyone, after glancing at her angry face, continued.

"He won't talk to me and I'm scared. I don't want to go through this by myself and I thought Captain Hitsugaya might protect me the way he always protects Momo, if he liked me. The letter seemed so convincing. He told me it was all over, but it can't be because of what's happened. Then he said I was an embarrassment and he should not have lowered himself to consort with me and…." Kiyone stopped talking and buried her face in her hands.

Soi tried to sort out what she said in her mind. It seemed muddled and very confusing. "What is she talking about? Over, with Toshiro? Did she fuck Toshiro?" Without really considering the consequences she asked, "Have you slept with Captain Hitsugaya?"

"I offered, but he said no. I told him I loved him, but I was lying because I love someone else. I thought I might believe it if I said it aloud, but it didn't work. It was a silly idea, but I'm so scared and thought because of the letter and he's younger than the other Captains he might….. I don't know what I was thinking. It started as one thing and then I kept saying dumb things and he got angry with me and then he said he'd tell my Captain."

The relief she felt when she heard that Kiyone has not slept with Toshiro she supressed immediately. Now was not the time to think of him and the explanation did not help much. Soi tried to clarify the situation. "You told Captain Hitsugaya you loved him, but you don't. You want his protection for some reason and he told you it was over and won't talk to you. Is that correct?"

Her visitor nodded and then shook her head. "He never told me it was over. How can it be over? Nothing happened. He rejected me."

"Did you even think about this before you acted?" Soi was certain she knew the answer even before Kiyone shook her head.

Slowly it was becoming clear and her level of relief increased again. Toshiro had rejected Kiyone for whatever reason. "Someone else told you it was over and won't talk to you and because of him you're in a mess." The last part was beginning to sound too familiar. Kiyone was in a mess because of a man. A man had caused the tangle and Soi could only think of one thing that might cause this amount of distress. "You're pregnant," she said bluntly, looking at the girl and watched her face flush violently as she reacted to the accusation.

"How; how did you know? It's not showing or anything is it? I'm not really sure. I can't go to 4th Division because my Isane would find out but I think I am and I can't tell the father because he made it clear that he wants nothing more to do with me," the words dribbled out of Kiyone's mouth as she tried not to cry again.

Rolling her eyes upwards, Soi wondered about the men of the Seireitei. Their brains seem to have slipped from their skulls to an area much lower down, not that they had ever hovered much above their waistlines. The women weren't any better, sleeping with the first convenient male they saw after Aizen left. She wasn't any better, allowing her desires to dictate her actions. It would be easy to blame only the males, but they had willing accomplices in the women.

Had the Seireitei always been so sexually active? Until recently she had preferred to remain ignorant of the relationships between people and she had formed one, except it was destroyed, wasn't it? Had some of the liaisons formed beforehand remained, or had people formed new ones since the departure of the traitors? What was the catalyst?

Retsu had mentioned how strange it was that both of them had fallen pregnant so close to each other and remarked how it seemed to coincide with Aizen's departure. She had to talk to Retsu as soon as possible. This increase in the number of pregnancies wasn't natural. So far Retsu, this soggy female and Soi had formed unusual alliances and it was possible there might be more. Maybe Kenpachi had been truthful when he claimed that the 10th Division lieutenant was pregnant with his child.

She froze for a moment. If the lieutenant was pregnant, what would happen to her when Gin found out? The woman was in peril and she fervently hoped that she would be saved before anyone caused her harm. The problems faced by the inane female in front of her seemed minor in comparison.

Reluctantly she asked "Have you talked to him?"

"I asked him to meet me, but he refused. I followed him that night, trying to talk to him, but he made an effort to ignore me. He was so cold and aloof. He told me to leave him alone, that I meant nothing to him and it was a mistake. I didn't get the chance to tell him anything and I cried" Kiyone divulged, more confident now that someone had guessed her secret.

Mindful of her earlier conversation with Captain Ukitake, Soi probed further. "The 'he' you mention is not Captain Hitsugaya?" The way the girl spoke, it was hard to keep track of which person she meant. Kiyone nodded in response. "Your Captain is not the father," Soi stated, certain of this.

In response, Kiyone shook her head. "No. Captain Ukitake would never look at me like that. He always treats me with respect and care."

"Then who is the father?" She may as well find out the worst now. Once she knew, a solution might present itself, or complicate matters further.

"I can't tell you! I can't tell anyone. He'll hate me if he found out anyone knew about that night. I don't want him to hate me, or hate me more than he already does," the tears tumbled down Kiyone's face as the words trickled from her mouth. Her hands went to her mouth and she began to chew on the fingers of her gloves.

Running through a list of the possibilities Soi wondered aloud who could possibly be the father, while trying to ignore Kiyone's busy mouth. That glove had to be insanitary. "Obviously not Captain Zaraki, he wouldn't have time and I wouldn't like to be the focus of Lieutenant Matsumoto's anger; nor would it be Lieutenant Shuhei. He doesn't have a death wish, nor does Lieutenant Abarai. Captain? Lieutenant? Obviously someone ranked higher than you." The gasp from the person opposite her showed that she had guessed correctly, so she continued. "Not one of the traitors. That leave 8 possibilities, no make that 7 as I am sure it is not my subordinate."

"Please, don't go any further. Please, I'm sorry about what I said about Captain Hitsugaya. You must care about him otherwise you would have denied any feeling for him." It was obvious she was trying to distract Soi who ignored her words and the swell of feeling it brought to her. Her mouth moved faster as she continued to chew on the glove, a small hole appearing under her gnawing teeth.

Implacably Soi continued to winnow down the list. "I don't think your taste is too peculiar so I will omit Captain Kurotsuchi," the girl nodded slightly and unwillingly.

Some phrases that the 13th Division joint 3rd seat had uttered earlier suddenly made sense. 'Embarrassment; lowered himself to consort; cold and aloof'. Neither Captain Komamura or Kyoraku spoke that way and there was one Captain very careful of his honour, and his position.

"I wonder how Captain Kuchiki will feel to hear that you're carrying the heir to the Kuchiki clan," Soi said casually, watching for the reaction to her suggestion.

Kiyone fainted.

Soi managed to move fast enough to support her as she slid to the floor. This would not be easy to resolve. "Thanks very much, Captain Ukitake. We will have our reckoning later, once this is finished," she said aloud. Once she was certain that Kiyone was settled on the floor, she made her comfortable and went to sit on her chair as she thought things through. It would have been pleasant to discuss this with Retsu, but she was assisting in the rescue mission. She sat bolt upright as something else struck her. How many female Shinigami were pregnant? How many of them were lying and denying their condition? Could pregnancy become an epidemic? What would be the purpose?

Pushing that thought aside, Soi decided to concentrate on the challenge lying unconscious on the floor. Captain Kuchiki had married previously, a woman very different to the one carrying his child, but she had been a commoner. If he knew Kiyone was pregnant, would honour demand that he marry her, or would he deny that the child was his? It was difficult to predict how the man would react, but he should be told. It was only fair…..

Screw this. Why was she thinking this way? If every man had the right to know he'd impregnated a woman, then they should send a message to Aizen about Momo. Her personal situation she refused to consider. She was the exception and Toshiro didn't need to know. No one else would know until she had decided. Retsu hadn't told the father of her child. The only reason she thought Captain Kuchiki should be told was because Kiyone obviously wanted him to know. All her reactions seemed to indicate a deep infatuation with the man, difficult though it was to believe.

She'd also have to talk to Toshiro about the girl and ask him to forget their conversation. That made her pause, trying to work out if she was pleased or unhappy about the idea. They had spent so much time together this day and she had almost felt a connection grow between them when they had argued with Yamamoto. The tension that she normally experienced near him had begun to fade a little and a slight feeling of admiration had begun to creep into her assessment of him when he had challenged the Captain-General about his inaction.

Thinking about the Captain-General made her again feel the outrage that had consumed her when she had realised the way he had used all of them. It was better to think about her anger at that man instead of her increasingly alarming reactions to the mention of Toshiro's name. As she thought, some idea or memory moved at the back of her mind, a way of reminding the Captain-General that he was not the only power within the Seireitei or the hierarchy. Before she could recapture the thought, and follow it through to the memory that had been roused, she spotted movement on the floor.

Kiyone stirred slightly and Soi watched, but she still seemed to be unconscious. She would talk to Toshiro. The situation was not entirely of Kiyone's making, just mostly, and it seemed unfair and very stupid of the girl to allow an anonymous letter to cause these problems. But then, could the girl be lying about the letter? Lying about the whole situation, trying to find out if she did have an affair with Toshiro? Did she want to….

At this point, Kiyone sat up and began to retch violently. Soi grabbed her and assisted her to the sink as the girl displayed the classic symptoms of morning sickness, even though it was well into the afternoon, nearing evening. After the girl had emptied her stomach of the water, Soi made her sit down and began to question her carefully.

"Captain Kuchiki is the father?"

Kiyone nodded reluctantly, as she examined the hem of her sleeve and pulled at a loose thread.

"How do I know that you're not lying? That this isn't some scheme you've come up with?" No matter what, Soi could not lose focus that she did not trust this person.

"Why would I lie about being pregnant? There's so point in lying anymore because you've guessed and I need your help. I'm not lying to you, I promise," the heartfelt sincerity almost convinced Soi. Almost, but she wanted more information.

"When did it happen?"

"The night before the mission left for the human world. I'd had a few drinks," Kiyone said and then pressed her lips tightly together as if she had decided to say nothing further.

"You've come to me for help and you should tell me what I need to know. What happened?" Soi demanded, her frustration increasing.

Kiyone gulped and her eyes welled with tears again. Seeing this made Soi heave a deep sigh. Where was all this liquid coming from? Did the girl have an inexhaustible supply of tears? Before she could demand that she stop crying, Kiyone began to explain.

"I was supposed to meet up with some friends, but none of them showed. I had a few drinks while I waited and after an hour decided that I may as well go home because I don't like drinking alone and I was drinking too fast," she paused and drank some water that Soi had poured, choking slightly as she drank.

"Then what?"

Kiyone's voice sank further. "I was walking home and I passed Captain Kuchiki. He was alone and I've always been drawn by his aloofness. He's so handsome and manly and noble and perfect…."

"Enough about Captain Kuchiki. He's a man and thus imperfect like all men," Soi didn't want to hear a half hour description of the glories of the 6th Division's Captain. The man was a cold fish who acted like he wouldn't know what to do with a woman even if she had an instruction manual printed on her skin, complete with diagrams.

"I greeted him and asked how he was, if he needed anything, because he was looking slightly annoyed. The Captain actually replied to me. I was amazed because he's rarely spoken to me. I asked what was wrong as he was frowning and he said it was nothing. He nodded and continued walking and I followed him. It was stupid, but I was worried about him. He noticed and told me I should return to my Division," Kiyone said, her voice steady.

"Good advice. Why didn't you go along with it? He might have thought you were stalking him," Soi observed. In the same position she would feel threatened if a person followed her after she indicated she did not want their company.

As if she had not heard the question, the 3rd seat continued to talk, her eyes shut as she relived the memories. "I told him I wanted to talk to him about his sister, privately, and he finally asked me back to his quarters."

That still did not clarify why the man asked Kiyone back to the Kuchiki mansion. Soi wondered at that.

"Did you really wish to talk about Rukia?" Soi asked.

"No. I wanted to spend time with him; I just wished to look at him. We didn't go to his family home, just the accommodation he has in 6th Division," Kiyone continued.

That at least explained one question Soi wanted to ask. But then it seemed very peculiar that Captain Kuchiki would even notice Kiyone, or wish to talk to her.

"When we got there he poured some sake for himself. He didn't offer me any and I asked what has disturbed him; was it because of the rumour about Captain Zaraki? I'd wondered if he liked Ran, because he seemed so upset, but it wasn't that. He told me he had visited Captain Zaraki to advise him against having a relationship with Ran. He was smarting from the way Captain Zaraki had treated him and threatened him with violence. I knew his concern had been for the dignity of all Captains."

Soi fought to suppress a smirk. The man had such a narrow idea of correct behaviour. Yoruichi had always been amused by Byakuya and mocked him constantly. This had influenced Soi's view of the man

"Then he began to ask all these questions about Rukia: how she was progressing, had she made any friends, was she settling back in after everything that had happened. He wanted to know if she was seeing any males within the Division or had been receiving any visits from other people. There were lots of questions about Renji and Ichigo, some of them personal. I was a little shocked so I told him he'd have to drink with me before I'd answer," she must have noticed Soi's raised eyebrows. "I was thirsty," she said defensively.

Soi's lips twitched. "You were thirsty?"

Kiyone nodded. "Byakuya, I mean Captain Kuchiki agreed and we drank plum wine. It was really nice."

Soi didn't want to hear any more. "You got drunk, had sex and fell pregnant," she said shortly.

"He kissed me first," Kiyone said defensively.

Shaking her head, Soi moved her hand in a motion indicating she didn't wish to hear any more. "Further details do not interest me. From your earlier comments you tried to blackmail Captain Hitsugaya. He would react badly to that."

Kiyone nodded emphatically.

"You acted on the information provided in an anonymous letter which you have since lost and tried to manoeuvre Captain Hitsugaya into forming a liaison with you. When this didn't work you came to me to ask me to persuade him not to tell your Captain. And this occurred because you lost your reason and slept with Captain Kuchiki."

"I didn't lose my mind. I've always been attracted to him. He's the most wonderful man I've ever met," Kiyone offered in protest.

This female really had very little understanding of reality. Byakuya wonderful? Next she would be spouting some drivel about that annoying orange haired ryoka, or the irritating cockroach, Mayuri. She had no understanding of the nature of the men who dwelt in the Seireitei. "That's not important." Soi sat there and thought a little more. She owed nothing to this woman; in fact she felt a strong impulse to hurt her for approaching Toshiro. 'It not because I want him', she assured herself, 'it's because he was going to ask Momo to marry him.' And she didn't give a damn about that pain Momo either. Sighing she shut her eyes.

"Come back tomorrow. I'll decide tonight if I'll help you, though I don't see why I should. If I do decide to help you, I will expect something in return. Possibly a promise that you will not involve me in any of your sordid problems in the future."

Kiyone looked at her, her eyes wide in amazement. "You might help?"

"Maybe. I will tell you this: if you try to use another captain after today, you might experience a hornet's sting. Now get out, go home and sleep."

"Can't you talk to him tonight?" Kiyone urged, her eyes hopeful. Her hands were clenched together and she raised them slightly in appeal.

Her mouth forming a thin line, Soi didn't bother to answer, and just stared at the girl sitting opposite her. Requesting a favour was one thing, but she was overstepping the line.

"Um. Sorry. Tomorrow would be great. My Captain wanted an early night anyway so I'll suggest he goes to bed early and doesn't accept any more visitors." Kiyone scrambled inelegantly to her feet and bowing low with gratitude, she left the room.

"That's it. I refuse to talk to anyone else today," Soi thought. "People only cause problems."

* * *

A.N.

Did you think Kiyone really liked Toshiro? Hehehehe.

Poor Toshiro. How many other females will declare their love for him?

Review. I like reviews.

Soundtrack

'Get Misunderstood' Troublemakers

'Open Heart Zoo' Martin Grench

'Blame' Soul Coughing

'Watching Shadows' Endorphin


	16. Friendship Under Siege

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Friendship Under Siege**

Arriving back at 10th Division, after the disturbing interview with the Captain-General, Toshiro went to his quarters, planning to spend the rest of the day trying to think of anything unrelated to the recent events. Then he remembered that he had told Kiyone that he would visit her Captain. It was late and he didn't feel like walking to 13th Division. He wanted to sleep.

Now he had time to think about it, it seemed bizarre that Kiyone had approached him. Even when she was trying to kiss him, it seemed off balance, that she wasn't serious and she hadn't tried very hard. In spite of her protestations of love, he didn't believe her; the words sounded like a bad script but he hadn't been paying too much attention. That was one of the reasons he rejected her so quickly, plus the fact she didn't attract him. Once she might have, but the way she treated him made him feel like she was trying to take charge. He'd already been in one relationship where the balance was strongly skewed, and not in his favour. Next time, if he ever decided that he wanted another sexual relationship, he wanted to at least be on equal terms. The way he felt now, that was very far into the future. Women were irrational and difficult, changing their minds and being too quick to react without listening.

Momo was bubbly and often scatty, but she was his friend and he made allowances for her flaws. The thought of being permanently tied to her in marriage was less than appealing, but he had made a commitment. One day, the day he told her of her pregnancy, he would offer her his hand, but not his heart. That she had only touched briefly, years ago. Now, she was a friend, a dear and loved friend but his experience with Soi had taught him that he didn't love Momo. He no longer even desired her.

Kiyone was bubbly too and always appeared not to have a serious thought in her head, and while that could be appealing, he wanted someone a little more serious. When Kiyone told him not to form a liaison with anyone else it sounded like she was saying something she'd overheard, not something she believed and it rang false. Now he had the distance and time to think about it her words had seemed strained and even though she was talking to him, he felt that she really wanted to say those words to someone else, but someone who held the power in the relationship. That probably explained her hesitation and insincerity. It only served to reinforce his lack of knowledge about women and people in general. How could he know what motivated her?

If he'd shown even the slightest inclination, he wondered if Kiyone would have screwed him, and while that might have been pleasant, she would expect something from him, some sort of commitment and that would never happen. But would she have gone that far? On the surface it appeared that she might, but he hadn't felt that she was interested in him sexually. Oh, hell, why was he even thinking about it? It hadn't happened, it wouldn't happen and he didn't want it to happen. Not while he hadn't solved the Momo problem which seemed to loom large in his life every day. There was the additional problem about his failed liaison. He had finished with Soi, hadn't he? But the reason they'd finished was because he was considering marrying Momo. If Kiyone was this possessive before he'd shown any interest in her, he didn't want to think what she'd be like if they'd had sex.

If he was honest he didn't want to hold another woman so soon after holding and kissing Soi. Finally he admitted the truth. He loved Soi, admired her, and didn't want anyone else. It didn't matter that she didn't want him and probably hated him. The only way to deal with this situation was to stay as far from both Kiyone and Soi as possible. Maybe he could go and join Zaraki's unofficial rescue party and stay in Las Noches, away from all the troublesome females. The Arrancar wouldn't cause him this amount of inconvenience. Or, more likely, he would immerse himself in work and hope it provided enough of a distraction so he didn't have to think anymore. He'd think about visiting Captain Ukitake, later.

The sound of tapping drew him back to the present. "Go away," he called, louder than he anticipated. The thought of talking to another woman today made him feel uncomfortable and he was sure it was a female tapping at his door. Who else would be seeking him at this time of night? Maybe it was Nanao ready to declare her love for him, or Nemu, or Isane. He buried his face in his hands at the thought of more complications. Why couldn't people leave him alone?

"Hey, Toshiro. What's up?" Shunsui asked, the unmistakable mocking note in his voice as he poked his head around the door.

Stifling an exclamation, he nodded at his friend who took this as an invitation and entered the room. Before the thought of asking this person for advice had begun to cross his mind, he dismissed it immediately. He'd talk about something that was bothering him.

"I'm worried about Matsumoto," Toshiro said slowly, voicing one of the fears that had plagued him. Uttering the words made him recognise how much he feared for his Lieutenants' safety, especially after his discussion with the Old Man.

"Kenpachi will save her, you know that. You've got to believe. Ichimaru and Aizen wouldn't abduct her just to kill her. They've got some weird plan for her," Shunsui said. While he was obviously trying to sound assured the tang of fear tainted his words. "Nothing will stop Kenpachi when he's in a killing rage. He'll save her. I'm worried about her too." The honesty behind his words comforted Toshiro in some peculiar way.

Nodding, Toshiro offered sake to his uninvited guest. The mention of the potential plan for Matsumoto made him feel even more uncomfortable. The callous way the traitors had disposed of the Council did indicate minds that did not function according to normal social rules. It might not be death that they planned for her, but something much worse.

"Thanks. I need a drink after today," Shunsui said as he stretched. Toshiro could hear the cracking of some of the bones in his spine as the man leant backwards. "Man, I'm tired."

"Yeah," Toshiro agreed before yawning widely as he poured a drink for each of them. The sake wasn't heated but it didn't seem important to observe the social niceties. Shunsui hadn't been invited and though he enjoyed his company, tonight Toshiro would have preferred solitude

"How did distracting the Old Guy go?" was the next question.

For a brief time, Toshiro considered answering the question honestly. It couldn't be that unexpected that Captain Yamamoto had been influencing events, but then he remembered the threat that had been made. It was possible the man was losing it, but he didn't want to chance angering him. Telling any secrets to Shunsui was not wise as the rumour would make the rounds of the Seireitei within hours. "Fine," was his selected response. What else could he say?

"Kenpachi and the others left a few hours ago. I don't know how the Yamamoto will react," the man continued.

"I think he already knows," Toshiro offered. Knowing the truth was a heavy burden.

"Yeah, probably. Do you think he'll punish the group who went? Or us because we helped?" The concern in the Captain's voice was genuine. It was a surprise to see his laid back attitude so quickly discarded.

Instead of answering, Toshiro shrugged. Who knew what the Captain-General would do? He didn't and he didn't want to be drawn into speculation. He sipped the sake and made a face. It tasted better when it was warm.

"I had a lot of people visit me today when I finally got back to my office, asking questions," Shunsui offered.

"Oh," why was he telling him, unless Soi had visited, but that didn't seem likely. Had Kiyone talked to him? He looked at his friend closely.

"Nemu came to see me," Shunsui continued. "The 12th Division Captain wanted me to assure the Old Man that he knew nothing, just in case I was asked. Covering his backside as normal. The guy is a worm."

"Hmm," Toshiro answered. This conversation had taken an odd turn.

"Did Nemu visit you too?"

"No." Toshiro began to feel a sneaking sensation about Shunsui's interest in his visitors. "I was with the Captain-General until only recently."

"I see. Pour me another cup. I'm parched," was the careless response. Toshiro poured and they sipped in silence.

"How's Nanao?" It seemed a good idea to change the topic of conversation.

"For some reason she's still hanging around me all the time. I had trouble getting away from her just now," was the admission. Shunsui almost looked relieved.

"Still?" That was the reason for the plan to get Yamamoto interested in her, so why was the man relieved? Everyone knew how tenacious Nanao could be, but there seemed to be a note of pride in the difficulty he had in escaping from his lieutenant's attention. He'd thought women were difficult to understand. Talking to this person made him realise men were just as bad.

"It's sort of flattering how much she wants to follow me around. I'm not complaining; not really," Shunsui said not very convincingly. "So, no visitors," he said, returning to the previous topic.

Could the man decide if he wanted Nanao distracted, or still focused on him? But the continuing questions about possible visits alerted Toshiro. Obviously the man had some hand in the encounter with Kiyone which was why he kept asking about company. Why he had anything to do with it he didn't know, but now might be the time to find out. "Kiyone Koutestu requested an opportunity to talk to me," he said, watching for a reaction.

A gleam of satisfaction passed over Shunsui's eyes and confirmed Toshiro's conclusion. He had something to do with it, but what? Sick of playing games he decided to confront him.

"How did you convince her to do it?" As he asked the question, Toshiro felt the cold within his gut grow. He hated being used.

Shunsui tried to keep his expression unchanged, but couldn't. "Why do you think I had anything to do with it? And do what exactly?"

"Come on Shunsui. The woman told me she loved me. She acted like she expected me to declare my feelings for her. What the hell did you do?" His lips began to feel frigid as the cold, that was normal for him, began to spread further. Anger was a bad emotion to rouse in him.

Looking shifty, Shunsui sipped his drink and refilled his cup twice before he answered. "I didn't do anything. Kiyone's been crying off and on for days, longer even. Jushiro didn't know what to do with her. Her sister's worried and I thought if she had a bit of encouragement she might talk to you."

"Why me? I don't know the woman. What did you do?" Each word was an admission and each admission made the fury rise further. How dare this man, even though he was a friend, act in this manner?

"I dropped a letter in her pocket saying that you liked her," Shunsui said standing and moving away from the table.

The increased chill in the room didn't affect Toshiro, but he noticed the other Captain shiver. The cold amplified as Toshiro's anger increased.

Shunsui tried to explain. "I didn't mean anything by it. It was a joke. I wanted to find out who you'd fallen for. I've guessed you're involved with someone but you won't admit it or tell me who it is," was the weak explanation. His breath was visible as he spoke and he shivered again. "I thought if you were pressed you'd go to talk to whoever she was and I had someone following you. I didn't know Kiyone would try to seduce you."

The temperature fell even lower. Toshiro could not believe the set of events had been set in motion for such a foolish reason. There had to be more and how did Shunsui know Kiyone had tried to bed him? "Sit down," he commanded and the man obeyed.

"If you stopped me from freezing, it would make this easier," Shunsui said, his teeth chattering. "Come on, Toshiro. I made a mistake. I apologise."

The words made him see that he was responsible for the temperature change. Inhaling a deep shuddering breath, he sat opposite the 8th Division Captain and spoke low and clearly. "What did you do and what were your reasons?" With an effort he controlled his reiatsu and the temperature.

Shunsui was gulping the sake from his cup and rapidly refilling it. "Get another bottle of this and I'll tell you," he said quietly as he still shivered from the cold. "The drink will warm me faster than anything."

Toshiro retrieved another bottle from Matsumoto's stash. Why she stored sake in his quarters he didn't know and he didn't want to think about it, or her. Since she had married he had found no empty bottles, but then he had only seen her for short periods. If she returned he would replace the sake. Catching himself he recognised that he had used the 'if' instead of the 'when'. He had to believe that she would be rescued soon and start complicating his life once more. At least her complications didn't create the type of problems he was facing now. Pouring them both another cup, he placed the bottle in easy reach of Shunsui. The temperature was slowly returning to normal, but it was still very cold.

"It's a bit complicated. I was trying to help Jushiro because he's such a softie when it comes to crying women. When she started crying, days ago, he tried to talk to Kiyone, but she'd either tell him nothing was wrong, or run off crying even harder. He didn't know what to do and came to me for help." Sipping the sake he looked into the distance as if remembering the events. He made a small face. "The other 13th Division 3rd seat was no help at all, mocking her and calling her a cry baby. Poor Jushiro. He couldn't concentrate, all his reports got wet or smudged and he felt helpless. Isane worried that it would bring on one of his attacks and tried talking to Kiyone, but the girl began to hide every time she saw her sister and that really hurt Isane. I don't like seeing her hurt," after gulping more sake Shunsui quickly added, "I don't like to see any of the female flowers of the Seireitei distressed. When they smile, they blossom. When they cry, they droop."

Toshiro nodded, storing away the observation his friend had made about the 4th Division Lieutenant. He'd tried to cover it but not well enough but that wasn't important at this time and the caressing tone in his voice when he mentioned Isane's name was more telling than anything else. "So why the note? Why the lies? Why me?"

"Because Kiyone doesn't see you as being as hostile as the other captains, or so Isane told me," Shunsui explained.

That didn't sound right. Why did she have to talk to a captain? Why create a fictitious romance in the first place? And the 8th Division Captain had mentioned Isane again. "How stupid do you think I am? None of your explanations make sense or even begin to excuse what you did."

Clearing his throat Shunsui poured them both another cup of sake. By now it was becoming increasingly difficult for Toshiro to remember how many cups either of them had consumed. He resolved to only sip this cup, very slowly and it would be his last. There was the possibility that Shunsui was attempting to get him drunk, to make it difficult for him to remember this conversation, or to stop him asking difficult questions. From past experience and rumours he knew that Shunsui had a very large capacity for alcohol and could appear sober when he had taken enough that would cause normal people to black out.

"I don't think you're stupid, Toshiro. Anyone who thought that would prove that they were stupid. Okay, it was a dumb idea, concocted when we were celebrating the wedding. I'd been talking to Jushiro before the party and we'd decided to write a note and slip it into Kiyone's pocket. Isane got worried and scared when her sister kept hiding from her. She almost cried. When I tried to comfort her, she shrugged me off," were the rather alarming words.

"You're telling me that Captain Ukitake was involved?" He was aghast that the 13th Division Captain had taken part in this. He didn't seem the type to play these types of pranks on fellow Captains, or his subordinates. But this went much further than a prank.

"Remember, we were drugged? We weren't thinking straight. You were talking to Matsumoto and Jushiro was feeling helpless, so we wrote a quick note, telling Kiyone that you liked her and that you were partial to domineering women," was the very slow and unwilling response.

The comment about domineering women made sense of the way Kiyone had been acting. Her demands had been extreme. "She has a funny idea about domination," he said, a smile reluctantly quirking his lips. It hadn't seemed funny at the time, but in retrospect he recognised that Kiyone was about as dominating as Momo. In other words, a person used to being led, rather than leading.

"I think it might have something to do with all the romance manga and novels she's borrowed from Rukia. Rukia had some weird stuff sent to her from the human world, I mean peculiar. Have you read any of them? Isane told me about them. Nearly all the women in the Shinigami's Women's Association have gone crazy over them, except Ran," the sudden pause made Toshiro realise how much pain hearing the name of his lieutenant caused him. Shunsui shook his head and continued. "The strong characters are completely over the top, demanding that the person they've chosen be completely faithful, using blackmail, making threats, seducing their victim with skill and generally being evil. The males are even worse. Melodramatic is a mild word to describe them. Kiyone is a little naïve with an overactive imagination and she's read nearly all of them. I don't know if she's even kissed anyone," was the grudging continuation.

"She tried to kiss me," Toshiro revealed, noticing that the alcohol was affecting him more than he'd expected.

Shunsui laughed. "And you rejected her, didn't you? I can imagine you weren't gentle." Lowering his voice, the expected question emerged: "Who is she, Toshiro? The woman you're interested in?"

Grimly, Toshiro nodded as his expectation was fulfilled. Shunsui had already expressed his interest in finding out his interest and maybe he thought he might now receive an answer. "I thought we were talking about Kiyone. You seem particularly interested in Kiyone, and her sister; especially her sister," was his quick response. If he started speculating about Shunsui's relationship with the Koutestu sisters, it might distract his friend from his sloppy interrogation.

"They're both lovely girls. Lovely, lovely girls. Isane reminds me of a giraffe, so awkward and yet so graceful at the same time, unaware of her true beauty. Kiyone is a bumbling puppy, cute and trusting," Shunsui had poured more sake.

"And all little bitches have teeth," Toshiro mumbled. He stopped, jolted almost sober by his words. They were cruel and thoughtless, but why should it matter? Kiyone was not his problem.

Shunsui laughed at his observation. "Careful, Toshiro. That sounded very cynical."

Waving his hand dismissively didn't help as it felt like it might become detached from his arm, very soon. "I don't care if you're sleeping with one or both of them. Just leave me out of it in future."

"I have no interest in Kiyone except as Isane's sister and Jushiro's 3rd seat. Jushiro sent Kiyone to Soi Fong to get her to talk sense into the girl. Kiyone asked him to, don't know why. She won't get much sympathy from her I'd imagine," were the words that made Toshiro feel a stab of fear.

"What?" This was unexpected and unwanted.

Shunsui looked at Toshiro, and it seemed like his eyes were having trouble focusing. "After lunch today, Kiyone was worse. She was on the verge of hysteria and wouldn't talk to anyone, but said she might talk to Captain Fong, so Jushiro sent her, with a note. I hope Soi can sort her out."

Toshiro felt his blood pool in his feet. This was one complication he hadn't even thought about as it seemed too unlikely. What would Kiyone say to Soi? Groaning in despair, he buried his face in his hands, unwanted ideas flowing through his mind. Any chance he might have had in trying to re-establish anything with Soi seemed to vanish as more and more possibilities unfolded. She'd already been furious with him when he'd kissed her and while they had worked well together, she had expressed her preference not to spend time with him. He wondered if he should go and see Soi immediately to try to explain, but what could he say?

"Why did you have to get her to talk to me? Why not Captain Kuchiki, or Lieutenant Kira?"

"I told you. She doesn't see you as a threat," Shunsui sounded offended at being asked the question again.

"Today, when everything else happens, you add something else to the mix. Damn it, I won't help you get Nanao off your back. How would you feel if I sent her a note saying that you wanted her to seduce you? How would Isane feel about that, huh?"

Shunsui recoiled at the brutality in his voice. His eyes widened and he looked at Toshiro with a mixture of fear and respect. "N..N… Nanao? You wouldn't! Isane would be hurt and break with me. She's already looking for an excuse, I know she is. I can't make out why she's been acting so strangely recently and she's already suspicious of Nanao and me, not that there's anything there." Glaring at the protesting man, Toshiro saw understanding dawn in his eyes. "So, there is someone. And if she finds out that Kiyone tried to seduce you, she won't be happy. Come on Toshiro, tell me who she is."

"It's over. If it wasn't already over, this would kill it. Don't ask again," the steel in his voice, the underlying anger and resentment overflowed, making his words echo through the room.

The silence after the explosion of sound was nearly as deafening and Shunsui had stiffened in shock at the vehemence with which Toshiro had spoken. "Hell, I'm sorry. I didn't understand. You really care about this woman, don't you?"

Hearing the words spoken aloud made Toshiro laugh, bitterly. It was ridiculous. He didn't care; it wasn't important that Soi wouldn't talk to him anymore. Their affair had commenced because of an arrangement that had reached its natural conclusion. Now he was free of her and the bargain. His thoughts of love had been naïve and the result of too much introspection. He didn't love anyone. The alcohol had helped him break through all the stupid ideas and fantasies, to reality. There would be no future with Soi. He could marry Momo, or anyone else, or not. His recent experiences with women made him feel that forming any relationship was a mistake. A throbbing pain in his head helped him decide he didn't want to talk anymore. Soi was lost to him, and he didn't care. Women were too bloody difficult and took up far too much time and energy. In 20, 30 or 40 years he might be interested, but now he wished that the whole female population of the Seireitei would disappear. That would make life pleasant.

"I'm going to bed. Stay and drink, go home, doesn't matter what. I don't want to talk anymore, or think or feel. I'm drunk and if I had my way I'd stay drunk until I find out how Matsumoto is," Toshiro staggered to his feet and stumbling over the even floor, went into his bedroom. He fell on the bed and lost consciousness, glad to be removed from the reality that offered no consolation.

Waking halfway through the night, he heard a loud, continuing noise. Unwillingly opening his eyes he felt a stabbing in his brain. "Water, I need water," he thought. Trying to rise from the bed proved more difficult than he thought, but realised he'd become tangled in his clothes. Biting his lip, he managed to sort out the material from the limbs and got up. Going into the next room he saw Shunsui, sprawled over the table. The noise was his heavy breathing. He was hugging the empty sake bottle and the man looked uncomfortable. Toshiro shook him, which caused Shunsui to fall backwards, knocking over the other bottles and table. Expecting the noise to wake the man, Toshiro waited, but he rolled onto his side and began snoring loudly.

Giving it up as a bad job, Toshiro went and drank cup after cup of water, pouring some over his head. He'd have a hangover tomorrow, but it might provide the kind of distraction from his thoughts that he needed. Briefly his mind touched on Soi and he shied away from even a simple thought. From now on he would devote himself to the welfare of his division, keeping them safe from any of the Captain-General's selfish plans. He would care for Momo and if Matsumoto ever returned he would make certain that no one had the chance to abduct her or hurt her. He didn't give a stuff that Kenpachi was married to her, she was his friend and lieutenant and that mattered more than any misguided marriage.

"I'm still drunk," he reasoned. "If only I could have that moment of clarity when I knew what I should do, when everything suddenly becomes clear, because at the moment, nothing seems easy. Not Momo, Soi, Yamamoto or Shunsui."

Drinking another glass of water one more idea presented itself. He would have to go to see Soi about Kiyone, at least to explain. Not that he gave a thought to how she would react. That wasn't important. It would be bad, but he was already experiencing her anger and disdain. Situation normal.

Wandering back to bed he tripped over Shunsui's hat, but even this didn't wake the 8th Division Captain. Tomorrow, there would be a reckoning with the man, but tonight it just seemed like hard work. Collapsing on his bed he slept again, nightmares flooding his mind but he remembered none of them come morning.

A.N.

Soundtrack

'Up to our necks in it' Skunkhour

'Everybody Knows That You're Insane' Queens of the Stone Age

'I Hope I Never' Split Endz

"Hole in the Head' Sugarbabes

The problems caused by drugs and alcohol. Shunsui's romantic interest is now revealed, but more problems seem to be looming. Not all decisions or realisations made under the influence are sensible.

Review. I like reviews.


	17. Friend's Need

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Friend's Need**

Waking was unpleasant. Nothingness was always preferable to reality, especially when day to day life became more complicated and irritating with each passing person. Sleep at least provided a respite from awareness and was one method to avoid facing the truth. What was so good about knowing the facts, or being up to date with the fictions that people liked to create about their lives? Fact and fiction intertwined continually as each person recreated their history and explained their motivations for actions that could not be sanctioned by any rational being. People did not make sense, their reasons were spurious and their justifications questionable.

The desire to remain in bed, to abrogate all responsibility and steal time and a quiet place from the ongoing demands was alluring. Close and fasten the doors, make the bedroom a fortress against the invading needs of others and forget that there was anything more than the need to fight and protect. Leading people, making decision, advising, being strong and intelligent was losing its appeal. No, it had lost its appeal. No matter which way the matter was approached, it no longer seemed worth the effort. Fighting battles that could not be won against enemies who were meant to be allies, was pointless. It was becoming harder to discern who was a friend and who was a foe. The main fear was that some were both. How was it possible to interact with a person who was working with you and against you at the same time? It was never meant to be this way, or was this a normal part of life that had escaped notice until now?

Burying her face in the pillow, feeling the cool cotton embrace her hot cheeks, experiencing the caress of the cloth against the shut eyes, darkening the light that permeated the room was the best choice foisted on any person in this position. Why accept what was unacceptable? How long was it possible to hide from duty? Would feigning death release the strictures? But being already dead, the next death was still an awfully big adventure and was it time to embrace the final solution? What about the child?

Turning over, opening unwilling eyes and gazing at the distant ceiling didn't help. Answers were not written there, the cracks in the paintwork did not magically form into words that spelled out the answer. Regular painting obscured the cracks; the white paint was unmarred by the writing from the hand of God and no answers were found. Her concentration was distracted by the continual compounding of guilt, fear and responsibility bubbling within her stomach and creating an acidic taste in the mouth.

What did any of it matter anyway? Today she had promised to talk to Toshiro; promised Kiyone because she felt sorry for her! That wasn't true; she felt no pity for the silly creature. It was her pity and fear for Lieutenant Matsumoto that motivated her.

Covering her face with her hands she wondered why she was lying to herself. It wasn't because she felt compassion for Kiyone or Ran or anyone. She had been cleverly manoeuvred into a position where she had little choice. Stubbornly she deliberately overlooked the main reason she had agreed.

Rising from her bed, she prepared for the day, ignoring the slight frisson of excitement she felt at seeing Toshiro again. As she washed and dressed it became more pronounced. The sickening sensation in her stomach grew more intense and she tried to ignore it. Admitting she was excited at the thought of seeing Toshiro was a weakness she could not condone. Even as she denied the feeling, it grew, every second that passed increased her discomfort.

"That's not excitement," she realised as she quickly ran to the bath room. "It's that damned awful morning sickness."

Later, after bathing her face with cold water, she slowly ate a rice ball while sipping occasionally from a cup of weak tea. Allowing her mind to drift, it followed the familiar path of wondering about Toshiro. It was difficult for her to spend time with him as she became confused about her reactions to him. Thinking about him from a distance allowed her some space and detachment and it seemed easy. When he wasn't there, it was possible to keep tight control over her unstable feelings and consider matters with an objectivity that made sense of matters. Well, as much sense as was possible to make from the mess she was in. When he was there she wanted to fight him, stab him, kiss him, fuck him, slap him and other things that seemed even more disquieting. In other words she lost all objectivity and was overpowered by instinctive reactions which were ruled by her emotions. Occasionally she had felt this way when involved with Yoruichi, especially as time had passed and she became more elusive.

Again she missed Retsu. The times they had met and talked had made the future seem less threatening. Listening to the 4th Division Captain helped her see things stripped back to the fundamentals and her calm and comforting presence was reassuring. Talking to Retsu had assisted in looking at her pregnancy objectively, and she had considered having her child, without worrying about the father. Looking down she noticed her hand was resting protectively on her stomach and seeing that made her sigh. At least with Retsu away she didn't have to make a decision about whether to continue the pregnancy. In one of the last conversations they'd had, Retsu had impressed on her the need to make a decision quickly. Wavering, as she was, indicated her lack of resolution.

"If I went to Yoruichi, would she take care of the child, once it was born? But how could I hide my increasing size until it was born. Toshiro would see. He'd notice and guess that it was his and then what would happen? Especially if he was married to Momo? Maybe I could retire to the Shihoin estates for a while, hide there until the thing is born. Or maybe I could ask to be posted to the human world until the baby is born," her churning thoughts rattled through her head.

"I don't want anyone else to know." The words rang through the room and Soi knew she had spoken aloud. Furiously biting her lip she considered the facts. Retsu knew she was pregnant and to whom, but she wouldn't tell anyone. Kiyone knew that she'd had sex with Toshiro. She fervently hoped no one else knew. It would make it difficult if any other people were aware of the failed relationship. She might lose the respect that she had fought so hard to gain if it became known that she'd bumped uglies with a man. After being abandoned by Yoruichi it had taken time to establish her authority within her division. The people left behind felt lost and confused by the sudden disappearance of their Captain and the allegations made about her. From having a stable leadership headed by a respected noble house, always committed to upholding the law, their leader had deserted them for no reason, or at least no reason that had been given to the Shinigami in 2nd Division. Soi had tried hard to hold the Division together, having to put aside her own grief and feeling of loss while ignoring her feelings of inadequacy. Often harsh measures had been necessary to remind her subordinates that she was their Captain, not just a woman who had been forsaken by her captain and her lover. The training provided by Yoruichi in being a leader had been invaluable, but having to use the techniques reminded her constantly of all that had gone from Soul Society. The loss of so many captains and strong lieutenants had harmed the Seireitei, leaving them weaker and less united. The most recent desertion had only increased the weakness that had never been healed.

The Old Man had failed them by not trying to repair the breaches, the myriad ill feeling left in the wake of both these losses. That was one of the reasons she had become so angered with the man. While they were trying to ask him to choose new captains to replace the traitors, she saw that appointing strong leaders would assist in restoring some sense of pride to those divisions most affected by the events. He had hardly hesitated the last time when they had lost so many. Why was he hesitating now? Was he losing it, or was there some hope that the traitors would return? She would not welcome their presence and nor would anyone else, she was certain of that. Who could trust them? Admittedly they were lacking a large pool of possible candidates to choose from, but why confine the selection to the people in the Seireitei. Why not approach the vizards, or even Yoruichi and Urahara? The whole situation was now in crisis and it was time to make the difficult decisions.

Thinking about the traitors reminded her of Ran. Until now she had not wanted to think about the ill-fated party and the expression on the lieutenant's face as she was taken. Anyone who had witnessed her fear and despair could believe that she had left willingly.

Compassion for Ran swept over her. She'd been publicly repudiated and had people whispering about her, making crude jokes within her hearing, but she had borne it well. Admittedly she had the support of her friends and captain and after that she'd had the worst experience that Soi could imagine. Now she was probably experiencing ruthless treatment and there was nothing Soi could do to help her. Feeling a slight tinge of guilt for her earlier condemnation of the woman she made a resolution:

"If she does return alive, I'll follow Retsu's advice and try to befriend her. Not because she's Toshiro's lieutenant, but of all the women in the Seireitei, aside from Retsu, she seemed to possess some sense, aside from her choice in partners." Thinking about bedding Ichimaru upset her tender stomach. How could anyone want to kiss that perpetually smiling mouth and never see the eyes of their sexual partner? The man had always made her grit her teeth. During the Captain's meetings she had avoided looking at the man and was often grateful that she didn't need to stand next to him. Standing next to Retsu was comforting, not threatening and she looked forward to when things returned to normal and she could spend time with her friend.

"But it will never return to normal unless I make a decision. If I decide to keep this child, life can never return to the way it was. Why doesn't Retsu care? She had as much to lose as I if she has a child and Hisagi will know the child is his. How does she plan to overcome that obstacle? What are her feelings toward the lieutenant? Is she driven only by lust and convenience? Or does she actually harbour some feelings for the father of her child? Doesn't she worry about going into enemy territory while she's pregnant or is her sense of duty and friendship stronger than anything else?"

Thinking about it logically, Soi acknowledged that she would not allow her condition to change her life that much. While she was still able to, she would fight to defend what was important to her. Retsu had said that her child was important, and it was plain that she wanted the baby, but she did not let it prevent her from doing what she saw as important. Accompanying Zaraki on the mission to rescue his wife proved her commitment to her role as a healer and friend.

"I will make my choice today. Once I have dealt with the mess created by Kiyone and can judge my reaction to Toshiro, I will have a better understanding of whether I will keep this child. I'm sick of wavering and once I make my decision I will not change my mind." Her heart lightened buy felt tight in her chest as she made the promise. There was no reason to delay any further and today, after seeing Toshiro she might understand her feelings a little more clearly.

The sound of knocking at her door encouraged her to rise to her feet. Answering the door she was not surprised to see Kiyone waiting, a look of wary expectation on her face. The woman looked better today without the continual snivelling and red eyes. Her eyes and face were still puffy from the days of crying, and the dark circles around her eyes signified that she had not slept well. Aside from that she was clean; her gloves were fresh and her hair not the tangled bush it had been last night.

"Can we go now, Captain, please?" The word please was extended until it was almost a sentence in itself. "I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep because I'm so worried."

The flicker of excitement returned and this time Soi was sure that it wasn't morning sickness. She had an excuse to see Toshiro. Looking at the time she pressed her lips together. It was too early, they really should delay the visit, but that wasn't what she wanted.

"It's before the time most captains are in their offices. He'll be worrying about his lieutenant, that I am sure, so he may already be awake. I think we will visit him at his quarters. That will afford more privacy." Soi sounded more confident than she felt.

If they visited together, it might be noticed, but there was less chance of anyone overhearing the conversation. She didn't wish to be associated with this particular set of circumstances, but due to Ukitake's being ineffective in this instance, she felt that she had to find some resolution. If she managed to persuade Toshiro to take no further action against Kiyone then there was the problem of talking to Kuchiki.

What was she thinking? That wasn't her responsibility. "Kiyone. If I am prepared to do this for you, there is something you must do for me," she demanded, knowing that the girl would feel compelled to comply.

Large, worried eyes met hers. "What is it, Captain Fong?" The voice was hesitant and she saw the girls shoulder's tense as she made the enquiry.

"You have to tell your Captain."

As expected, the girl looked terrified and began to stammer, stopped, swallowed hard and wrung her hands. "Tell my Captain?"

"You have to tell him why you've been crying; that you're pregnant," Soi elucidated.

Kiyone seemed not to hear, her expression didn't change, but then her head started to move from side to side, slowly at first and then faster. "I can't tell him. He'll know and then Isane might find out and then everyone will know. They'll all know I'm pregnant and will think I'm an idiot."

It was hard for Soi to prevent her natural response to the comment. She fastened her sharp front teeth in her tongue as it seemed compelled to tell the girl in front of her that her actions didn't indicate a noticeable intelligence at work.

Seemingly aware of the reaction, Kiyone stared at Soi, a sad frown on her face. "I did something stupid, I know that. I made a mistake, but it doesn't mean that I'm brainless."

Soi could not prevent her eyebrow rising automatically at the third seat's assertion. Her hand moved in front of her mouth, but it wasn't enough to prevent the laugh that she was trying to suppress. Her experience with this woman did not indicate a great intelligence, quite the opposite, but to hear her assertion was ludicrous. All her actions had been driven by emotions or alcohol, not careful thought.

"You're not being fair, Captain,' was Kiyone's sulky reaction.

Perhaps she was right, she was not being particularly fair to the woman, but was that important? Why did she expect fairness when she had not been very fair to either Soi or Toshiro? "Do you deserve it?"

Kiyone dropped her eyes and appeared to be considering the question and then, reluctantly shook her head. "No. I have done some awful things and I'm sorry."

Soi felt her heart lighten at the admission. The thought of helping someone who didn't accept responsibility had grated on her nerves.

"I will tell my Captain that I'm pregnant, but I won't tell him who the father is. He's such a nice person I'm sure he won't insist that I tell him," Kiyone said after a few moments further thought.

Soi nodded. "Your Captain does need to know. As you are determined to have the child, your condition will become obvious. I am sure that if you tell your sister she will help you. While she may be your sister, she is also skilled in the healing arts and will probably be able to advise you."

"Not Isane. She's always doing the right thing. I can't see her making the same mistake," Kiyone burst out impatiently.

"Was it a mistake?" the admission surprised Soi. Until now Kiyone had indicated that the only thing she regretted was becoming pregnant.

"Not really. I didn't intend to get pregnant, but I did want to get close to Captain Kuchiki."

Soi walked to the door and gestured for Kiyone to follow her. She didn't want to hear about that man again. Without speaking they walked in the direction of 10th Division, not bothering to keep to the streets, but taking the faster route over the rooftops. The morning was bright and clear, the wheeling birds in the sky attracted her notice and she watched them as they sped toward their destination. It felt good to be moving so freely after the inactivity that had been the last two days. She needed some exercise and would like to practice her fighting skills, but she did not wish to challenge the person she was with.

Arriving at Toshiro's quarters, Soi recalled very clearly the last time she had visited that place. A cloud formed on her face, remembering the anticipation, the pleasure and then the anger. None of that mattered. The arrangement was at an end and she was only here to assist this misguided female. Once this matter had been concluded she did not need to interact with the man again.

Indicating to Kiyone that she should knock on the door, they waited for Toshiro to answer. After waiting for some minutes without a response, Soi knocked on the door, much harder.

Shuffling footsteps could be heard approaching the door and it slid open. A lightly bearded face, with sunken eyes and an expression of pain appeared in the opening and the Captain groaned. "Come back later," he croaked. "Why are you visiting me this early?"

"We're not here to see you, Captain Kyoraku," Soi rapped out, displeased to see this man here. At least he was fully clothed, but very dishevelled and the wafts of alcohol that she could smell made her feel nauseous.

"Huh? But aren't I? Oh, that's right. I came to talk to Toshiro and stayed the night," the Captain said and blinked at them blearily. It was then he noticed Kiyone. He started guiltily as his eyes slid back to Soi and he tried to grin weakly. The grin was not very convincing and his reaction indicated to Soi that he was somehow involved in the mess. He wouldn't have reacted like that if he was blameless.

"Are you going to stand in the doorway all morning, or may we enter?" Soi demanded, now even more determined to resolve this matter. If this man was involved he would bear the brunt of her anger and make restitution.

"Ur. Look, I'll just go and check with Toshiro. He was annoyed last night and worried about Ran," the man equivocated.

"Yes, please do wake Captain Hitsugaya," Soi said and pushed past the door blocker. "We need to speak to him before matters get further out of hand,' was her reply as she glared at the person she believed to be partially responsible for this mess.

"I'm awake, Captain Fong. I could not sleep through the row of your conversation," Toshiro strode into the room, his coat flowing behind him. He did not look well, his eyes were puffy and his hair, while he'd obviously tried to make it appear as normal, was wilder than normal. He looked deeply tired and upset and for a brief time Soi wished she could just hold him close, soothing him, assuring him that his lieutenant would be safe.

When he saw Kiyone was in the room his expression underwent a number of changes. She could almost swear that he cringed when he first saw her and instinctively raised his hands as if to fend her off. Then he straightened and composed his features into a bland composed expression, though his brow remained furrowed. He glanced between Soi, Captain Kyoraku and Kiyone, nodded and then cast a questioning look at Soi.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Kiyone's reaction to Toshiro. It was evident that she had noticed the cringe and her shoulders slumped as she hung her head in embarrassment

"We need to talk to you privately, Captain Hitsugaya," was the next thing Soi said, staring pointedly at Captain Kyoraku. The man should take the hint and leave without delay.

"Stay, Shunsui. As you're partly responsible for this, I think you should find out the result,' Toshiro ordered abruptly before the man could leave.

It struck Soi that while he had not expected to see Kiyone, Toshiro appeared to have anticipated her visit.

"I'll make some tea," Captain Kyoraku offered moving slowly toward the kitchen.

"No; you will sit down and say nothing. I will make tea and we will discuss this in a civilised manner," Toshiro dismissed the offer without thought.

Caught up as she had been by her thoughts she had not even questioned why the Captain was in Toshiro's quarters so early in the morning. Her throat tightened at the obvious camaraderie between the two and her mind presented one possible suggestion as to why these two men had spent the night together. It would explain why they both appeared so tired and Toshiro's hair was in such disorder.

All the anticipation and happiness that she had denied, drained away and her heart hardened within her chest. She had again been fooled into thinking something else when all the time a man was taking her place in the bed of her lover. That was the reason Toshiro had rejected Kiyone, the reason he hadn't persisted with her yesterday after he kissed her.

As Toshiro made the tea she watched them both closely to find any indication that her idea was correct. Toshiro seemed to glance in her direction more often, but he was probably tyring to work out if she had guessed. The one or two glances he shot at Kiyone were more laden with fear than any other emotion.

Captain Kyoraku was shooting glances at both Toshiro and Kiyone, a guilty look on his face. He hardly spared a look at Soi which made her wonder if Toshiro had explained about their brief arrangement to his new love. It was difficult to see if the signs of involvement between these two men, but she could think of no other explanation. What other reason would they spend the night together? She would not have guessed that Toshiro preferred men, the way he had reacted to her body and the enjoyment he had seemed to find when fucking her, but what did she know? He might have just been using her to confirm that he preferred men to women. He fucked, he came; it was as simple as that. But she didn't know the man and if he had only been experimenting that would explain this sudden change. It would explain so much, except for his decision to marry Momo. Unless, and here she felt even worse, the marriage was to disguise his real interest.

After serving the tea, which the 8th Division Captain drank thirstily, Toshiro began the discussion.

"I can guess why you're here, Captain Fong. Captain Ukitake sent his third seat to you as she has been behaving out of character for the last few days. I do not know the reason for this behaviour, but apparently it became worse yesterday."

Nodding in agreement, Soi waited for Toshiro to continue, not trusting herself to speak with her new knowledge burning like a fire within her breast.

"Third seat Koutestu approached you to ask for your assistance. She wishes for you to persuade me not to tell her Captain what occurred between us yesterday. Am I correct?" His voice was even as he spoke and then he stopped to sip the tea.

"Yes. I did ask Captain Fong to help me. She agreed," Kiyone said as if she could sense that Soi would say nothing.

"I believe we all know what passed between the third seat and me; so we will not discuss that. I will however provide a partial explanation of why these events took place," Toshiro continued, glancing at Captain Kyoraku.

"I am interested in your explanation," Soi managed to say, controlling her desire to utter all the other things that were running through her mind. She ignored the need to yell at him, "You said you wanted me. That changed quickly, didn't it?"

"Third seat Koutestu was acting, foolishly though it might be argued that she was acting on the contents of a note that had been placed in her pocket. The information in the note was false and an attempt to get the 3rd seat to acknowledge that she should seek assistance for what was troubling her. I don't know why it was expected to work. It was a thoughtless action."

"Who put the note in my pocket?" Kiyone sounded slightly hesitant as she asked the question.

There was a lengthy pause. Soi didn't know the answer and saw no point in guessing. Toshiro shut his mouth and kept his stony expression fixed to the floor while Kiyone searched all their faces for an answer. The silence grew more palpable as it lengthened and even Soi shifted a little, trying to ease the tension that was settling between her shoulder blades. It was obvious Toshiro knew who had written the note, and possibly the reason, but he was not making it easy.

Once it had been easy, he had been easy to understand and she thought she knew what he wanted but obviously she didn't know anything. Once again she had been duped by the person she had been involved with, believing one thing when all the time there was so much she didn't know about.

"I put the note in your pocket, Kiyone," Captain Kyoraku admitted finally, breaking the silence.

Kiyone's mouth gaped open as she stared at the Captain, incredulity obvious on her face. "You…" she stuttered.

Captain Kyoraku nodded. "You upset Jushiro as you were crying for days. He didn't know what to do. Every time he asked, you cried even harder," he said. "We decided to try to make you admit your problems to Toshiro because you find him the least threatening Captain."

"But I didn't tell him. I tried to…" and she faltered once again.

"You tried to seduce him," Soi said callously. Kiyone had not admitted it to her, not entirely, but it was obvious what had happened.

"Yes," the tears were falling down Kiyone's cheeks as she admitted her shame.

"And I threatened to tell your Captain," Toshiro said.

"I'm here to ask that you don't speak to her Captain about her misguided actions," Soi said distantly. As her mind ran along the new lines she wondered if Toshiro was involved with both male Captains. Men had no morals and it wouldn't surprise her to find that he was involved with both men.

"I won't tell him on one condition. I want to talk to you privately, Captain Fong. There is something we need to discuss." Toshiro was looking at Soi very closely.

She did not wish to spend any time with him, not now, but she had agreed to help Kiyone. "I will speak to you, now," was her offer. Why delay the inevitable admission? As much as she didn't wish to hear what he had to say, she was no coward. She could face the truth.

"Well, I think that means they want us to leave, right Kiyone? Now why don't you go and speak to your sister. She's worried about you," Captain Kyoraku smiled kindly at Kiyone.

"Are you sure? You won't tell my Captain?" There 3rd seat was reluctant to leave without this assurance and her pleading eyes begged Toshiro for reassurance.

"I won't. Now, please allow me to talk to Captain Fong," Toshiro said, his eyes fixed on Soi, not wavering at all while he answered the question.

"I'll speak to Isane," Kiyone agreed, unhappily as she left the room and Captain Kyoraku closed the door firmly behind them.

Now they were alone, Soi wished she could leave. It was impossible to look at Toshiro now that she guessed his true temperament.

"Soi, look at me," Toshiro said. He had moved closer and was standing only inches from her,

"No, Captain Hitsugaya. I know what you are about to tell me and I do not care to hear it," her voice sounded as cold as her heart was becoming. Why he had to tell her she didn't know unless he thought he was being fair in explaining everything.

"You know?"

Glancing at him she saw incredulous delight on his face.

"Yes, of course I know. It was obvious when that Captain answered the door this morning," she spat at him. He was determined to make her admit what she had guessed and she began to hate him, fiercely.

"What? What's Shunsui got to do with it?" He sounded confused.

"You didn't wait very long. Yesterday you kissed me, rejected Kiyone and then accepted your new lover," Soi said bitterly. If he was going to make her admit it, she was going to be honest and let him not torture her any further, for that was how this felt.

Toshiro recoiled from her. She could see that he had been reaching out, to what, embrace her one last time? Why would he want to do that? She didn't need his comfort. She didn't need him at all. Why was she indulging this man?

"I don't believe we have anything to discuss, now or ever, Captain Hitsugaya. Don't worry. I only came here today because I promised to help Kiyone. I won't disclose your 'secret' affair with Captain Kyoraku to anyone," and with these words she strode toward the door and left, ignoring the words he was uttering, his pleas for her to stay and listen.

She waited until she was back in her quarters and then surrendered to the weakness that she had denied until now. As sobs wrenched her body, her hands instinctively covered her stomach, cradling the child within. Instead of convincing her to rid her body of the baby, the events of this morning had swayed her to keep the child as a reminder of her foolishness and a symbol of the stupidity of love.

* * *

A.N.

'The Dream' Supreme Beings of Leisure

'Street Spirit (fade out)' Radiohead.

'Not Afraid of Romance' Machine Gun Fellatio

'To Have and Not to Hold' Madonna

Heheheh. That was fun. Misunderstandings always amuse.

Review. I like reviews.


	18. Love's Secret

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Love's Secret**

His head hurt when he became conscious, throbbing with each pulse of blood around his body. The faint light in the sky indicated that it was morning. Shunsui was snoring rhythmically and Toshiro felt sick and dizzy, the taste of the alcohol he had consumed lingering in the back of his throat, despite the water he had consumed. Lying in his bed he imagined staying there the whole day. Feeling this ghastly didn't predispose him to wade through the normal piles of paperwork. He'd arrive at his office late. Why hurry? It was unimportant what happened. Remembering the events of the previous day, he sat up, felt giddy and lay down almost immediately. Captain Ukitake had set Kiyone after him, with the help of Shunsui and he'd threatened to tell her Captain about her actions. As he had partly encouraged them, what action would he take? Would anything he said make any difference?

Why did he care? He'd go and talk to him, call him to account for the few moments of acute embarrassment he'd made Toshiro experience for no good reason. Why did Shunsui encourage other people to participate in his schemes? He'd try to keep away from any involvement in the future.

A knock at the door broke his thoughts, but he was reluctant to answer any person who was visiting this early. It was probably some new disaster waiting for him and he didn't want to know. Let someone else take care of it. The knocking was repeated, louder this time, and he heard Shunsui answer the door. Then he heard Soi's voice. He was out of bed and on his feet before he thought it through, brushing his hair rapidly, knowing it looked bad but he was too impatient to try to make it conform to its normal appearance. Quickly washing his face, he registered that he was swaying on his feet and his limbs were not obeying the instructions sent by his brain as well as normal. For a second he felt like giggling as he almost fell over.

"I'm still intoxicated. This will go well. I'm drunk, Soi is here and I might start laughing for no good reason, but I want to see her." He managed to steady himself, then spent a few seconds trying to convince him body that it was able to act as normal and also to convince his mind to cooperate, before he walked into the next room, determined to seem aloof and not pleased by this early intrusion. Before he left his room he remembered Matsumoto was still absent. Maybe Soi had some news about her, hopefully good news.

Seeing Soi in his quarters made him hope. Even though he knew the others were there, he found it hard to stop looking at her, noticing she looked tired, but there was a different expression in her eyes, or it was the drug in his blood making him see that? She almost seemed pleased to see him and he had trouble wiping a smile from his face. Finally he dragged his eyes from her face and noticed who had accompanied her to his quarters. Kiyone's presence made him feel uncomfortable and due to his headache he couldn't prevent his instinctive reaction to her company. He wished immediately that she wasn't there as she made him recall that unpleasant encounter yesterday. If she was here, it was doubtful that Soi was here to tell him of his lieutenant's safe return.

According to the vaguely remembered conversation he'd had with Shunsui last night, Kiyone hadn't meant anything by what she'd said, but he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't allow himself to be alone with her, unless he was interested, which he wasn't, was he? No, he wasn't. He had to try and keep his mind from wandering. Why didn't she attract him? The fact that she covered her hands with gloves was strange and that collar hid more than it revealed, making her look like one of those choirboys he'd seen on television while he was in the human world. He wasn't attracted to boys.

For a moment, obviously due to his alcoholic inspired haze, he wondered briefly if it had been Nemu; demure, sweet faced Nemu, who had offered herself to him, would he have wavered? A woman who was so quiet, modest and retiring was an attractive temptation. Why was he even thinking like this? Catching his wayward thoughts, he finally he managed to gain mastery of his features and stood there, looking at his guests expectantly.

After the brief interchange he noticed Shunsui was looking shifty as he suggested making the tea. The man was not going to slip out of this situation so quickly and he would call him to account. Maybe it was a sign; his luck was changing for the better because now some of yesterday's mess could be finalised. Despite her excuses, Soi had chosen to visit him in his quarters. That indicated something, didn't it?

He made the tea especially for Soi, using the chance to drink more water, but still hoping she would find the brew stimulating, but she barely tasted the beverage, lifting the cup to her lips and then quickly replacing it on the table. While the cup was in her hands, her attitude changed. The new expression was replaced by the well remembered spark of anger and betrayal he had seen in her eyes before and he wondered what had happened. Nothing that had been said could have caused that change. All the same, when he saw the opportunity to talk to her alone, he took it. Kiyone and Shunsui seemed to have their feet nailed to the floor when he noted how slowly they moved out. Even before he spoke he knew it was a mistake. He should wait for a time when he was completely able to focus on the words he was going to say, but the other part of his mind urged him to take the chance and maybe end up taking Soi to bed. He might be able to ignore the pounding feeling in his temples if he had to chance to screw her. Or not.

"Soi, look at me," Toshiro said, enunciating the words carefully. Moving close to her he was going to take a risk. He knew this was chancy but maybe she would be receptive to his words, if he didn't trip over. He hoped the tea covered up the smell of alcohol that was sure to be lingering on his breath.

"No, Captain Hitsugaya. I know what you are about to tell me and I do not care to hear it," her voice sounded cold and her eyes were looking out the window.

That comment shook Toshiro more than it would have had he been sober. How could she know? Was it that obvious? Had Shunsui written something on his forehead while he slept? Had he talked in his sleep and told the 8th Division Captain everything? Had he sent her a Hell Butterfly while he was sleepwalking telling her everything? What had he done last night that he couldn't remember? But there hadn't been anything on his forehead when he'd had a quick glance in the mirror before he'd come out. There was nothing he could remember that would have betrayed him. His thoughts were so jumbled he was having trouble thinking logically. Trying to buy time he asked, "You know?"

She glanced at him and her expression became colder. It looked like she wasn't pleased at his discovery of his feelings for her. Somehow, he wasn't very surprised. Soi didn't seem to be pleased with him much anymore ever since he'd asked that stupid question about Momo.

"Yes, of course I know. It was obvious when **that **Captain answered the door this morning," she spat at him.

That statement was confusing? Shunsui had answered the door. So? He'd been closer to the door. If it had been left to Toshiro, the door would not have remained closed. "What? What's Shunsui got to do with it?" Involuntarily his arms had begun to act of their own accord and he gave in, preparing to pull Soi close to him and give into his need for her. Why talk when there were other things they could do?

"You didn't wait very long. Yesterday you kissed me, rejected Kiyone and then accepted your new lover," Soi said bitterly.

Toshiro recoiled from her as he felt one of his feet turn as he tried to stop his forward motion. For a second he thought he was going to fall. Then it dawned on him that she was inferring that he was fucking Shunsui. Why? Even if his taste ran that way, which they didn't, Yumichika or Kira would be more tempting prospects than Shunsui. The man was hairy, not very pretty and he was involved with Isane. He shook his head. He wasn't thinking about men; he had to think about what this hot tempered female was talking about and make her see that she was wrong. There was also the problem with other reactions he had to her statement. How could he feel amused and infuriated at the same time? Why did Soi always react so strongly to everything and jump to conclusion without thinking them through rationally? Did she hate him so much? It seemed like she must, if she could believe anything of him. He was trying to think of something to say but didn't get a chance.

"I don't believe we have anything to discuss, now or ever, Captain Hitsugaya. Don't worry. I only came here today because I promised to help Kiyone. I won't disclose your 'secret' affair with Captain Kyoraku to anyone." She turned her face away and moved toward the door.

"If you leave I'll tell Ukitake everything," he said desperate for her to listen to him. How could she have got it so wrong?

Soi continued walking, obviously not listening to him. Her back was rigid and her steps moved her quickly toward the door. She seemed eager to leave.

He tried something corny, for a reaction. Even he knew it sounded desperate. "You're cute when you're angry."

She ignored him and opened the door.

"I don't want to marry Momo," was his final try, but the door shut before the words were out of his mouth. It had all happened so fast. He had never expected to hear that accusation from her mouth. How could she, of all people, believe that he preferred men? Hadn't they fucked and hadn't he kept pursuing her, even when she threatened him? Did she even have a recollection of that?

He stared at the door. His first impulse was to follow Soi and demand that she listen to him and allow him to prove that he wasn't interested in Shunsui. There was a benefit to that plan: the proof, but was there any point? He thought he cared, but did he? Did he even care if she told anyone? Maybe it would keep the female population of the Seireitei from his door, but then there was the male contingent and he didn't want to have to deal with advances from any of them. A brief vision of being approached by Captain Kurotsuchi passed through his mind, causing him to shudder. The alcohol made his thoughts random and unpleasant.

Suddenly his body forced him to acknowledge how he felt. His head throbbed with pain and he felt so tired that even if he wanted to he couldn't have followed Soi. He considered briefly going to his office, but the idea held no appeal and it was doubtful he would be able to make it. There would be no Matsumoto to offer tea and consolation and maybe a hangover remedy. The whole of the Seireitei was in an uproar. What did it matter if a few stupid papers weren't read or signed? It could wait until he knew what was happening with his lieutenant. Thinking like this was making him depressed and he felt sorry for himself. He no longer felt like laughing, but instead wanted to brood and feel bad. Not so much he wanted to do it, but it was the way his emotions were travelling and he was already feeling bad and brooding over Soi's injustice.

"Screw this. I'm going back to bed. Soi can do what she likes. I don't want to know. If she's so fucking stupid, let her believe what she wants. If it was anyone but her I'd think she was jealous." He washed and sent a Hell Butterfly to his 3rd seat ordering him to make sure that he wasn't disturbed. After drinking copious amounts of water he returned to his bed and slept.

Normally he wouldn't have been able to sleep while the raw scrape of emotions muttered continuously in his mind and it caused vicious dreams of blood, pain, torture and Orihime's cooking and a rather unnerving dream of kissing Kira who turned into Yumichika and then into Soi. When he finally woke, he was sweating from the effects of that dream. If he hadn't woken, he feared who he'd dream about kissing next. Wiping his face with his hands he lay there, composing himself before finding out what time it was. His lack of dizziness and ability to push away unwelcome thoughts suggested that he was no longer under the influence and he was thankful that the hangover that he had anticipated had not appeared.

Noticing more he glanced toward the window. It was quiet, night had fallen. He'd slept through the day and achieved nothing. Matsumoto would be proud of him. Some days she seemed to be busy and yet achieved nothing. He missed her comforting presence, but she hadn't been around much since she'd become involved with Captain Zaraki. All the same, knowing she was there had provided some form of security. Of all the people in the Seireitei he relied upon her.

"I don't want to just sit here and think. If I do I'll start thinking about how I can't do anything. Just waiting around is beginning to aggravate me," he decided, but who would he go and see? Immediately he thought of Soi. That brought into clear relief the last conversation they'd had. Was that even a conversation, or an excuse for her to make accusations with no basis? Visiting Soi would be a very bad idea. Emotionally he wanted to go and see her and make her believe that she was wrong, but experience indicated that she was not the easiest person to convince of anything. He'd leave it for another day and then try to talk to her, or not. He had to think about it. It wasn't something he wanted to decide now. Every time he thought about her his blood pressure increased, whether through anger or lust, or both he wasn't sure. Probably both.

Washing and dressing in a fresh uniform only occupied a portion of his attention. To occupy the rest of his mind he decided he would go and visit Captain Ukitake and then maybe visit Momo. He was still tired, so after he'd made the two visits he's return home and sleep again. Tonight no visitors would be welcome and sake was something he wouldn't drink. Tomorrow he'd sort the rest out. It could wait. Leaving his quarters he went to a nearby noodle shop and ate a bowl of the house special, not tasting the food, and burning his tongue on the hot liquid as he tried to eat too fast.

Again in the night darkened streets he walked purposefully toward 13th Division. As Soi had not kept her part of the bargain, he felt no need to abide by it. He sincerely hoped that Captain Ukitake wouldn't ruffle his hair or try to give him some gift. That freaked him out slightly when the man pressed chocolates on him. Matsumoto seemed to enjoy them, but he'd be better off giving them to Zaraki's lieutenant. She was the person who had a fondness for sweet things. He preferred things with a hint of bitterness about them, like Soi. Damn, he was thinking about Soi again.

A cloud obscured the moon and he looked up to see a large black shape covering the face of the night's sun. It was the only cloud he could see, like the dark cloud that blotted his life, hiding away the light and only providing darkness that he hoped would soon pass.

Blanking his mind of these aberrant thoughts, he knocked on the door of the 13th Division office, noticing that the light was still on and hopefully the Captain was still there.

Rukia Kuchiki opened the door and stood there startled, her mouth a circle in her face and she nervously glanced back inside the room. She seemed tired, as if she had spent some time there and he could hear muffled sobbing from within the room.

"Who is it, Rukia?" The voice was almost unrecognisable as that of Jushiro Ukitake. It did not have the normal kind moderate tones, but sounded almost angry.

"It's Captain Hitsugaya, Sir," she answered nervously, still standing in the doorway. She made a strange face at Toshiro, almost as if she was warning him away. He looked at her through narrowed eyes wondering what she was trying to do.

"Invite my brother captain in, Kuchiki," was the command rapped out. The voice was stern and authoritative, again not recognisable as that of the 13th Division Captain.

"Ur, yes Captain Ukitake. Should I summon Isane? I think you're unwell, Sir and we must avoid an attack," Rukia said as she reluctantly moved from the door way. "Please enter, Captain Hitsugaya. My Captain was going to send for you."

"Please, not Isane. Please," a familiar voice sobbed.

Entering the room he saw that Captain Ukitake was sitting behind his desk. A dark frown marred his forehead and he seemed to be watching Kiyone who was curled opposite him in a chair, crying and looking like she would like to run as far from her captain as possible. The only other person in the office was Rukia who looked even more uncomfortable than Kiyone. At least she wasn't crying.

"Take a seat, Captain Hitsugaya," invited the 13th Division captain, but it sounded more like an order than an invitation. Warily, Toshiro sat down wondering what Kiyone had done this time.

"It is fortunate that you decided to visit this night. Or was it by design? You are aware that Captain Fong had finally persuaded my third seat to disclose her secret to me?"

What secret? What had Soi done and why was he involved? Slowly he shook his head as he looked at each of the occupants in turn. Rukia was the only one standing and she was moving her weight from one foot to another as she looked imploringly at Kiyone.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I came here to speak on a different matter; one relating to unfortunate practical jokes," Toshiro said, trying to work out how he could leave quickly. The strained atmosphere in the room was making him feel off centre.

"Have you come to claim paternity? Accept your responsibilities and marry the mother of your child?" Captain Ukitake's intelligent eyes assessed Toshiro as if judging him to be little more than an underling who had failed his master in an important task.

Starting at the question he looked at Rukia. Mother of his child? Who? She shook her head and pointed at Kiyone in a surreptitious manner and guessing what she meant, he shuddered. "No. I am not! I've never kissed the female, let alone bedded her," was his quick response.

The man sitting opposite drew in a deep breath. Glaring at Kiyone he demanded, "Is this man the father of your child?"

"No," wailed his third seat as she shook her head vehemently.

Releasing the breath he had taken, Ukitake picked up a small elegant silver paperknife that was lying on his desk. It looked sharp but all he did with it was tap it gently against the table top as his eyes seemed to look inward. Suddenly he smiled. "That's something. I don't like to think of; you shouldering such a heavy responsibility while still so young, Captain Hitsugaya." A hard look crossed his face and the turned again to Kiyone. "Then why was Captain Hitsugaya seen entering your quarters with you yesterday?"

What was the man talking about? He'd been one of the reasons Kiyone had attempted to seduce Toshiro.

"It was because of a note the 3rd seat found in her pocket," Toshiro explained heavily. If the man was insisting on people accepting their responsibilities it was time he did so.

For a split second, Captain Ukitake looked blank, then his brows drew together. "I don't understand what you mean."

The answer threw Toshiro who sat stiff with surprise at the response. "The note; the one you wrote the night Matsumoto...when Ichimaru, with Shunsui," whichever way he tried to say it, the words refused to be uttered the way he wanted. He felt flustered that he couldn't convey the message he wanted to send.

A strange, guilty look overcame the Captain and he looked at Kiyone and then Rukia and then gazed steadily at Toshiro. "I helped write the note, but Shunsui assured me he threw it away. Yes, the fact that Kiyone was so upset worried me considerably, but the note was only meant as a way for me to exorcise my frustration. It was never intended to be read by her or anyone."

The anger that had been evident had drained away from Ukitake and he looked tired and ill. Rukia hastily sent a Hell Butterfly to summon someone from 4th Division to attend the Captain while Kiyone watched him fearfully. She rose from her chair and began fussing over her superior, pouring him water, speaking to him in hushed tones and most of all, apologising, over and over.

"I'm so sorry. I made a mistake and Captain Fong insisted I tell you. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm really very sorry. I never wanted to make you feel unwell or angry. Will you forgive me, Captain? Please? Captain Hitsugaya said he won't take matters any further because he doesn't think it's my fault, but it is."

"Captain Fong has done me an invaluable service. I doubt if any other Captain could have obtained such a fast result. I am now in her debt," Captain Ukitake said slowly.

"I'm so sorry, Captain," the tears threatened to overwhelm Kiyone again.

"Kiyone, that's enough. I think if you want to show your remorse, you'll tell our Captain what he wants to know: who is the father of your child," Rukia's clear voice broke through the imploring words that Kiyone seemed to have trouble preventing.

Kiyone stood still, frozen in the act of wiping her Captain's brow with a small towel. Slowly her eyes moved to Rukia and she flinched slightly.

"I'm asking because I think you need to the support of a husband if you are going to have a child," Captain Ukitake explained kindly. "You need the emotional support."

The reaction that Kiyone displayed was unexpected. She began to giggle hysterically.

With two strides Rukia was in front of her and placed her hands firmly on her shoulders. "Calm down. The worst is over, but now take that final step. Is the man married?'

Still giggling, Kiyone shook her head. Tears were mixed with the laughter and Rukia patted her shoulder and then placed her hand on it again.

"Is he a Shinigami?'

Kiyone nodded, her head bobbing up and down rapidly.

"Well, he is obliged to support you in some way. Who is it? Is he in this Division?"

This time Kiyone shook her head vigorously.

Toshiro was getting bored with the questioning. It was none of his business but he wanted to know the answer as much as Captain Ukitake. Who had impregnated Kiyone?

"They'll keep asking until you tell them. Why not make it easy? Otherwise we'll be here all night," was his suggestion.

"He'll never marry me, never!" Kiyone wailed, her hysteria increasing. "He's still in love with your sister."

A stillness settled over the room as the identity of the father dawned on the two captains and Rukia. Rukia stood there, her mouth open and her eyes blank as she stared into Kiyone's face. Captain Ukitake started coughing violently, gasping for breath and Toshiro shook his head, trying to clear his ears. He couldn't have heard that, it was impossible. Looking at the 13th Division captain he began to worry that this attack was worse than normal.

"Captain, drink this immediately. Rukia, stop staring at my sister and help me. Kiyone, go and sit down and behave. We need to have a serious talk. I can't believe that you tried to keep this secret from me. Did you think it would go away?" Isane had obviously entered the room quietly and had overheard part of the conversation. It would have been quite possible with the amount of noise Kiyone had been making.

Rukia rushed to assist Isane, paused, glanced at Kiyone and said, "Byakuya?" The question radiated disbelief.

Kiyone nodded reluctantly.

"Kiyone, I know that you have not had anything confirmed. You are only guessing. Let me assist the Captain and then I will check to see if you are, in fact, going to have a child and you're not just acting like one," Isane upbraided her sister.

Toshiro was still reeling from what he had heard. The cold and unemotional Captain Kuchiki, the man who seemed to have rational thoughts dominating the sordid emotions had been tempted, and by Kiyone of all people. He couldn't see it. It couldn't be correct.

Captain Ukitake's breathing was easing slightly from Isane's ministrations. Rukia was helping, but her movements were mechanical. Her thoughts were obviously elsewhere and Toshiro felt like an intruder in this scene. He had been drawn into this situation unwillingly and he seriously wished that he hadn't decided to visit 13th Division this night.

Once she was sure that the attack was passed, Isane summoned her sister into an adjoining room. Minutes passed as they waited for the verdict. Rukia looked worried, more worried than Toshiro would have expected. The 13th Division Captain sat quietly, trying to keep his breathing easy as he slowly relaxed in his chair.

"It will be all right," he assured Rukia, but his voice did not hold much hope. "If it is true, your brother will do the honourable thing."

Even though the words had been spoken, Rukia still frowned, while her teeth bit her bottom lip.

"Maybe I should go," Toshiro said, wanting to escape the tension in the room. He'd go and find Shunsui and then perhaps exact a little justice. Maybe give him a very close shave, with his zanpakuto, shave his whole head. That would be a reminder not to involve him in any more of his 'pranks'.

"No, please stay. You may as well know the truth seeing you already know the rest of it," Captain Ukitake said. He had closed his eyes and leant his forehead against his fingertips. "I am sure I can trust your discretion."

The door opened and all eyes turned to it expectantly. Isane ushered her sister out and made her sit in the chair she had recently vacated. "As it is your Captain, you have the responsibility of telling him," she told Kiyone.

Seemingly dazed Kiyone moved her lips but nothing emerged. She tried again. "I'm pregnant. I'm going to have Captain Kuchiki's baby." It was hard to tell if she was pleased or distressed by the confirmation of her fears.

Hesitatingly Rukia asked Kiyone, "Have you spoken to my brother about this; that you thought you might be pregnant??"

Kiyone, now looking more composed, her eyes following her sister as she checked on the Captain shook her head. "No. He won't talk to me. Each time I've seen him he shun-poed away before I can even say hello."

Rukia's forehead creased. "That sounds like Byakuya. But if you're carrying the Kuchiki heir he should know. I'll talk to him."

"No, you will not. It is my duty to talk to Captain Kuchiki," said Captain Ukitake weakly. 'But not tonight. Assistant Captain Koutestu, Captain Hitsugaya, will you be here tomorrow morning as witnesses to our conversation? Rukia, you will go now and inform your brother that I need to see him."

Unwilling to become further involved, but unaware how to deny the request, Toshiro nodded. Life was becoming far too complicated.

* * *

A.N.

Okay, if you haven't picked it up yet Soi and Toshiro really have a problem with hearing what each other means. Or they don't listen. Just like real people.

Soundtrack

'One Too Many Mornings' Chemical Brothers

'The Passenger' Iggy Pop

'A Better Lie' Pitchshifter

'In My Bones' Groove Armada

Review. I like reviews.


	19. Love Hindered

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Love Hindered**

He wondered if he should return to his quarters as there was no point in remaining at 13th Division and he didn't feel like confronting either Soi or Shunsui after this exchange. All he wanted to do was sleep and see Matsumoto again. The events of the morning and his confused reaction had made him decide that Soi was no longer his problem or his concern. He wouldn't accept her actions and words because they were inexcusable.

Before any of them left, Captain Ukitake said very solemnly, "I trust all of you to be discreet. I don't wish for this become common knowledge until we find a solution."

At this request, Toshiro felt a tug at his stomach as he recalled that he knew about another pregnancy that had not yet been disclosed. He still had yet to tell Momo and then he felt bad. Until now he had been waiting for Matsumoto to help him, and now he didn't want to tell Momo anything until such time as he knew how Matsumoto was. Why did he keep putting all these conditions on himself? He should just tell her, but he didn't want to do so without some support. Captain Unohana was a practical woman. She would be a good choice to help him break the news, when he broke the news, but he would have to wait until she returned. What were another few days? He wasn't even sure he would be permitted to tell her, or that she'd be able to accept the truth.

He didn't want to tell Momo. That was the crux of the matter. If he told her it would be the end of her dreams, or even worse, the beginning of even more absurd fantasies. Their friendship would never be the same, but it had already changed into a state he no longer recognised. While he still felt he should ask Momo to marry him, the thought had become more unpalatable. He meant what he had said to Soi when he was trying to make her listen to him, but he considered he had an obligation. This situation reminded him of it too clearly. Kiyone and Momo were both pregnant, unmarried and the father was disinterested. Well he wasn't sure if Captain Kuchiki would accept paternity, and judging from Rukia's consternation at the news, she was unsure of her brother's reaction. Toshiro could imagine the expression on the Captain's face, the downward turn of the mouth, the cold eyes and the arms crossed over the chest as his forehead creased in a frown.

"I won't say anything," Toshiro said. Then he knew there was a question he wanted to ask Kiyone. Instead of restraining his tongue he said clearly, "If you thought you were pregnant with Captain Kuchiki's child, why did you try to seduce me?"

All eyes turned to Kiyone who had paled at the question. Isane raised her eyes and the unbelieving stare she turned on her sister showed Toshiro that he should have waited to ask the question another time.

"I don't think I really would have…. It was the note that made me act that way. I didn't mean… I was really scared," Kiyone said.

"That's not enough of a reason," Toshiro persisted. The note didn't explain much except that it gave her the idea in the first place.

The convulsive swallowing motions Toshiro observed in Kiyone's throat made him begin to understand what she had planned. "You planned to seduce me, and then tell me I got you pregnant? That's low, unbelievably low."

Kiyone's startled expression showed that Toshiro had been correct with his assumption and he felt angry. Why did everyone try to use him?

"Third seat Koutestu, I am ashamed that you would even contemplate such a thing," Captain Ukitake did not sound pleased. His expression was thunderous as his third seat seemed to shiver as he looked at her.

"I wasn't thinking clearly," Kiyone said in a low voice. "I didn't want Captain Hitsugaya to marry me. I only wanted him to look out for me; at least I think that was my idea. It's not really clear to me what I was thinking. I can't remember but I wanted someone on my side."

Isane strode toward her sister and leant close to her. "You'd been drinking, hadn't you? Don't you know how dangerous that is? Even if you only suspected you were pregnant you shouldn't have been drinking. You could have told me. I'm your sister. And trying to entrap Captain Hitsugaya was very wrong. How much did you drink?"

The tension was heavy in the room and Toshiro wondered if Isane was going to slap her sister. He had never seen her in a mood of this nature, but then realised he had never seen the sister interact before.

"Only one, but it seemed to go straight to my head. I don't know why," Kiyone said.

"Because of the drug that we were all given at the party, of course. I thought that would be obvious. You can be so foolish, sister. Now, I begin to understand how it affected you so completely. Promise me; no more drinking."

Nodding slowly Kiyone still looked worried

"We have things we need to discuss, Captain Ukitake. If you will excuse us," Isane asked politely.

The Captain nodded in response and the sisters left quietly, Isane, propelling Kiyone out the door while holding onto her upper arm.

"You can leave too, Rukia. You may wish to speak to your brother and perhaps spend time with your lover."

Rukia started at the last statement and a strange look crossed her face. "Sir?" The question sounded almost guilty and that didn't seem right.

"Renji Abarai. Your future husband. The man your brother finally agreed you could marry after Captain Zaraki basically forced him into a corner. Remember the day he married, Captain Zaraki told your brother about the love you two had for each other? You can't have forgotten so quickly." Captain Ukitake seemed to find her question peculiar.

Toshiro remembered that comment. Zaraki had said something about owing Renji something, and Matsumoto had appeared embarrassed for a moment, then relieved. The 6th Division Captain had turned very cold and Toshiro thought he might forbid any further interaction between the two friends, but later that same day Rukia's engagement to Renji had been announced.

"Oh, Renji. Um, yes Sir," Rukia stuttered looking confused. Why did she look confused? How could she forget who she was going to marry?

"I'm surprised you asked to postpone your wedding for so long, but at least it means that you're not pregnant. I think one pregnancy in 13th Division is enough at one time. Perhaps one pregnancy is enough for the whole of the Seireitei," Captain Ukitake teased affectionately. A small smile warmed his face.

Toshiro had to conceal his impulse to contradict the older captain, but resolutely kept his peace. Momo's pregnancy wasn't his secret to disclose.

The woman seemed to flush and then Rukia's laugh grated shrilly on Toshiro's ear. "Yes, you're right Captain. It's better to wait until this war is over, then I can concentrate on the wedding preparations. Good night, Sir, Captain Hitsugaya," she said quickly in a very high voice and exited the room so fast that Toshiro was certain he had only seen a blur close the door.

"Rukia seems rather upset at the news of her brother's impending fatherhood," the Captain commented, his frowning stare fixed on the door. "I know she is very fond of Byakuya, but her response was excessive. I wonder if she is worried about her position within the Kuchiki clan. No, that wouldn't be right. She never uses her rank, most of the time she ignores it and acts as if she had no special privileges."

"It's the shock. I didn't believe it when Kiyone admitted the truth." Dumbfounded was the way he'd felt when the father of the baby had named. Toshiro had imagined a few other people as the father: Ikkaku, Iba or the other 13th Division 3rd seat, Senatoro. It had not crossed his mind that the noble Captain Byakuya Kuchiki would have had a casual fling with Kiyone, or anyone at all.

He remembered there had been rumours, none of them substantiated, that Captain Kuchiki had been encouraged to pay court to the infamous Yoruichi Shihoin while she was still Captain of 2nd Division, despite their age difference, in order to forge an alliance between the two noble families, but neither of them had complied with their families demands. Their unspoken rivalry to each be better at shun-po had become the stuff of tall tales. Having met Yoruichi he could see that the proposed match between the two would never have worked. The competitive nature of both of them would have overshadowed any other emotion. Captain Kuchiki took his responsibilities too seriously, while Yoruichi seemed to treat hers lightly. Their temperaments were so different that a marriage would have been problematic if they loved each other, but without even the basis of friendship any union between the two would have been short. Why he was thinking about this now, he didn't know. It was unimportant.

Captain Ukitake gazed for a few minutes at Toshiro, his mind probably considering something he knew that puzzled him. "I apologise for the problems caused by my 3rd seat and my friend. I believed Shunsui when he told me he had destroyed the note, but it appears that the drugs influenced him to play a joke. It wasn't very funny."

"I haven't enjoyed any of the jokes I've heard recently," Toshiro said, his voice catching in his throat. "I don't think any of them were jokes."

"Or funny." The office was quiet as the two men thought about the recent events. "I miss Ran and I'm angry with Shunsui."

"Me too." Angry was one word, but it could easily be substituted with furious or infuriated. What was the man thinking? The ploy appeared to reunite the sisters. It was possible that was his intention, but to go to such lengths and cause difficulties for so many people did not endear him to Toshiro. Had he been aware of the far reaching consequences?

"We'll talk to Shunsui tomorrow. I think he needs to know that we're not happy." The reflective nature of the tone did not hide the lurking anger that lay under the words.

A wry smile twisted Toshiro's mouth. "Maybe we should send him an anonymous note," he suggested slyly.

"A very good idea Captain Hitsugaya, or even better we could send a note to Nanao." The meaningful way that Captain Ukitake made the suggestion indicated that Shunsui had been asking for advice about his lieutenant from more than one source.

Remembering he'd made a similar threat to Shunsui, a reluctant laugh broke from Toshiro's lips. "While that might be amusing, I wouldn't wish anyone into that position unless they secretly liked that person." For a few moments he wondered what would happen if Soi received a note that caused her to try to seduce him. Not that he would turn her down, so it wouldn't be an attempt. If he could think of the words he would write the note himself, but that would be stupid.

Rising to his feet he exchanged farewells with Captain Ukitake and left. He contemplated finding Shunsui, but he knew he'd probably be unable to talk to the man without trying to cause him severe pain. And he was definitely not going to see Soi. He'd wait until she came to see him and apologised. Soi apologising, that was about as likely as Sosuke Aizen begging forgiveness from Yamamoto and asking permission to return. He pushed the last thought away, denying that certainty. "Yes. I can imagine Soi apologising," he thought without regard to the truth. A stupid vision of Soi on her knees, tears in her eyes as she abjectly expressed regret.

"_I'm sorry Toshiro. I was fighting against my feelings. I love you and I've kept denying it. Forgive me and let me be part of your life again. Let me take care of you."_

_Smiling, he grasped her hands and pulled her to her feet. "I forgive you Soi," he told her before kissing her passionately, vowing this time no misunderstandings would mar their love._

That fantasy lasted for seconds. Soi would never tell him that she loved him, let alone that she even cared. More likely she'd use harsh, hard little words; attack him and try to kill or castrate him, or worse ignore him, turning her back on him when they met, all the while he would still be smarting from her accusations. These thoughts made him dread their next meeting. His future plans were to avoid 2nd Division as much as possible and with Zaraki and Captain Unohana away, it was unlikely there would be any Captain's meetings held. Seeing Soi again could be deferred, hopefully for weeks.

He was now near 4th Division and remembered he had not visited Momo all day, or yesterday. He entered, seeking his friend, but was stopped by Iemura, who was lurking outside her room.

"Captain Hitsugaya, before you see Lieutenant Hinamori, I would ask that you please do not tell her about the abduction of your lieutenant or the other events that have occurred. I worry about the effect if will have on her delicate sensibilities and it might cause her to have a relapse." Iemura sounded very sincere and worried.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? You know how rumours get around," Toshiro asked. He wondered briefly, for all that they had agreed to be discreet, how long it would take for the rumours of Kiyone's pregnancy and the paternity of the baby to spread. He trusted Isane, Rukia and Captain Ukitake, but Kiyone was a known blabbermouth. It was a good thing Shunsui had not been present during that conversation, otherwise Iemura would be asking him if he had heard about that particular scandal.

"I'm asking everyone who visits the lieutenant to talk only of general topics," Iemura said haughtily. "If you don't agree, you are not permitted to visit."

Crossing his arms across his chest, Toshiro observed the 4th Division officer closely. He dared to decide who could visit a lieutenant? He would bar the way for a Captain? From all he had heard, this man was supposed to be a coward, but he was here, prepared to dictate discussion topics to a superior officer. He decided to humour the man, for the moment. "So, she's still asking when Captain Aizen is going to visit her?" he swept aside all the pretence and went straight to the main problem as he saw it.

"Please do not mention that person in her presence." Iemura drew himself up to his full height, trying to look imposing, but it didn't impress Toshiro. "Mentioning that name makes her become awkward and it is so different to her normal sweet nature. We are trying to decrease the use of sedatives in the treatment of Lieutenant Hinamori. They are not good for her in… or anyone."

The slight pause made Toshiro wonder if the man knew of Momo's pregnancy. It was possible, but he thought that Captain Unohana had only confided the secret to her lieutenant. Even so, a competent medical officer could probably discover the truth very easily.

"I will do as you ask and not mention Aizen or Matsumoto. At the same time, I am certain that you will keep any medical information you have confidential," he emphasised the last word heavily and Iemura nodded curtly in response before turning on his heel and walking away.

His hand on the door, he hesitated before opening it. He would tell Momo of her condition, by the end of the week with or without Captain Unohana or Matsumoto. It was only fair that she know. Again he felt the wave of confused emotion engulf him as he thought about breaking the news to Momo. Once again he wished his lieutenant would return; she at least would provide some counsel about how it should be done. With any luck she'd convince him he didn't have to propose to Momo. If she returned. If she was still alive.

Finally deciding that he should visit Momo, he pulled the door open. Hie friend lay in bed, apparently asleep. Standing at the foot of the bed he stared at her, noticing that she looked sad. It made him believe that she knew that Aizen had left, that he was not coming back, but when she was conscious it was too difficult for her to accept this truth. From his experience he knew that truth was often unpalatable and hard, but in the end, it was impossible to change these things. It was impossible to change other people. Even if you cared for them, tried to explain things, tried to be patient with them, it could all fail and there was no point in hope, no point in continuing to try. He wouldn't try. False hope might make him as removed from reality as Momo.

She stirred under the sheets and turned on her side, her hand cupping her cheek as she moved. "Yes, Captain Aizen. I will gladly do as you ask," she said clearly and then became silent.

What dreams was she having? Happy dreams about the past when all had seemed simple. The normal squabbles, the routine duties and the training. Knowing what he did now, would he go back to that easier time and see the signs of betrayal? Would he want to live through that lie again? He walked to the door, preparing to leave. Turning, he looked once more at Momo, a casualty of the traitors and one who might not recover. She actually bore the physical wounds while the emotional scars affected so many within the Seireitei. Three Divisions were suffering without succour from their loss and there were others. Friends, lovers, worshippers. How widespread was the hidden anguish?

"Maybe Zaraki's killed them all and extracted our revenge. But knowing those men it's not likely. They'll try any ruse, any trick to escape and find a devious and unfair method to gain victory."

"I love you, Captain Aizen," Momo murmured.

Not wanting to hear anymore, Toshiro left. How long would her love last? If she didn't let it go would her sanity be a casualty? Was Iemura correct allowing her to exist within the fantasy she had created? He wished Captain Unohana would return, or if he visited Kira and Renji, her two old friends might have some insights into how she could be helped. He'd do that tomorrow. Walking disconsolately down the hallway he was surprised to hear a voice addressing him.

"Excuse me, Captain Hitsugaya, if you would be so kind, my Captain requests that you visit him."

Looking up he saw the face of Nemu Kurotsuchi and immediately felt a moment of concern. He'd had that rather peculiar idea about her only that morning when he was still intoxicated. That brief moment when he had wondered what would have happened if she had been the person who tried to seduce him. Of course he wouldn't have been tempted! Except he would have been, because even thinking about it proved it was possible, but that had been this morning when everything had been easier. No woman could tempt him after that last conversation with Soi which had then been followed with the accusation of paternity for Kiyone's child. Once again he wished Matsumoto was there. She did manage to keep most of the women away from him, through her own methods and for that he was grateful.

"What does Captain Kurotsuchi want? It's getting late and I wish to return to my quarters," he spoke harshly in an attempt to cover the irrational thoughts that had crossed his mind.

Nemu didn't answer him immediately. The silence seemed strange as she had approached him with the request. Hadn't her father told her of the reason for the request?

"He's very worried about the way ex-Captain Ichimaru managed to get into the Seireitei. He thought you might have some ideas," Nemu said nervously.

Not interested in talking to the man, and the reason sounded spurious, Toshiro made his way to his quarters with Nemu following. "I don't feel like it. Your father can come and see me tomorrow or whenever. If he wants to talk about Matsumoto and her marriage I'm more likely to ignore him than listen. She's still missing and I care more for her return than your father's opinions. I don't know how Ichimaru got in. I only saw the man in the distance." Until now he hadn't realised how much rage had been lying under the surface. Was it because of Soi, Matsumoto's abduction, Kiyone's attempted seduction or any of the other things that had plagued him in recent days? Nemu wasn't to blame for any of it but she was there and an easy target. They were now in the street outside his home and he was unwilling to enter or invite the woman inside.

Nemu stood quietly, her head bowed and her hands clasped in front of her, not saying anything or trying to protest. Her submissive attitude did not soothe him, it made him feel that he was being cruel and that only fed the anger that he was already feeling. "Nemu, go away. I'm not in the mood for company. I'll see your father later."

"That's the point," Nemu said. She sounded upset. "I don't dare return to Mayuri if you're not with me and he'll search for me if I don't return. Please, Captain, can I stay in your office tonight?"

The request staggered him and it also sounded wrong. If she had asked him last night, after he'd been drinking, he wouldn't have considered the matter for long, but after recent events the suggestion seemed staged. "No."

"Or even in your quarters. My captain gave me instructions to please you," Nemu continued.

The last statement made the hairs on the back of his neck rise. First one reason and now this whole encounter was turning into something else, urging him to remove himself as fast as possible. "Nemu, isn't there someone else you can go to? A friend? Lover?"

She shook her head. "I'm not permitted to see him anymore. My father found out and forbade me from interacting with him ever again, especially in view of which Division he's in. I asked Mayuri nicely, promised to continue to obey him in everything else, but he insisted. I didn't even complain when he beat me. Anyway, the man's not in the Seireitei. He's with his hero and that is where he wishes to be."

The sadness in her voice made Toshiro pause. What he was going to say was against all the usual things he advised, but in this case it was unlikely she would or could accept his advice. "I know he is your Captain and you should follow his instructions but you don't have to obey him in everything."

"Yes I do. Mayuri is my Captain. He explained it to me very clearly that I have to follow his instructions completely or he will reduce me to what I was before. Nothing. I don't want to become part of the nothing." Nemu started crying, something Toshiro had never seen her do. She moved close and rested her head on his shoulder as she continued to cry.

"This can't be happening. Nemu doesn't cry," he thought as he reluctantly patted her on the back. "Nemu doesn't cry and this seems too convenient and managed. Next thing I know we're going to be interrupted." Pulling away from Nemu he opened the door to his quarters and pulled her inside, shutting the door firmly behind. He hoped no one had witnessed the few minutes they were together, but didn't hold too much hope.

Nemu sat neatly on a chair and continued to sob as Toshiro stood not knowing what to do. Giving into curiosity he asked, "Who is it? Is it a person who lives in Soul Society?"

Nemu wiped her eyes, becoming calm within an instant. "He is a Shinigami."

Toshiro tried to grasp what she was saying. The man was a Shinigami, so he was either one of the traitors or with the rescue party that went to retrieve Matsumoto. The Division was the key and it was suddenly clear which one she meant. It had to be the 11th. The enmity between 11th and 12th Division became clearer all the time and there was one man he knew Captain Kurotsuchi hated almost as much as the 11th Division Captain: Ikkaku Madarame. It had to be him. He remembered their conversation on their return that he was now free to pursue his true romantic interest. When he'd learnt from Toshiro that his Captain was to marry he'd commented about being free to stay where he wanted with whom he wanted. At last that finally made sense.

"I can see your father would not be pleased about a liaison with the 11th Division 3rd seat," he told Nemu.

She nodded in response, not appearing surprised at his deduction. "Mayuri said that as I've already slept with the lowest of the low I should sleep with anyone who could help him."

For the second time in two days a woman was offering him sex, not because she wanted to screw him, but for other reasons. Nemu was a more tempting offer than Kiyone, but tangling with Ikkaku's love would be a bad idea and he wondered if Captain Kurotsuchi had made the woman offer herself to anyone else. If she had and Ikkaku found out he would be unhappy. As everything had become clear, Nemu's allure had shrunk and now he felt more worried than excited about being alone with her. Fighting Ikkaku would not be a challenge, but he didn't want to disrupt his recently and unwillingly formed alliance with the 11th.

Now his lieutenant was married to Zaraki, did that make them related in any way? Not that he was related to Matsumoto, but he did view her like an older sibling which is why he let her get away with so much. Did that make Zaraki his brother in law? A pseudo brother in law? But this wasn't the time or place to think about this, he had to find a solution to Nemu being in his quarters.

"Nemu, you stay here the night. I'll go and sleep in my office. I know the couch is comfortable as Matsumoto sleeps on it often, especially during working hours," he said and began to leave.

"But I cannot do that," she protested.

"Yes you can because I won't listen. Stay here. Let your father believe what he likes. It's not important to me," Toshiro told her and then left. At least if Shunsui turned up he wouldn't have to talk to him. He wanted a night free of drinking, discussion and everything else.

He neared his office and then another alternative came to mind. He would go and sleep in the place he had met with Soi. It was unlikely she'd be there. After their last encounter, why would she? Unless she'd found another lover. Maybe it was misguided guilt that had caused her to accuse him and she was trying to pander to her conscience. That had to be it. But would she take her new lover to this place? She had replaced him quickly if his guess was true but he didn't want it to be true. Why did he think that? He didn't care. Even as he denied it, he knew he hoped she hadn't found a replacement so soon.

Standing outside the door he couldn't sense anyone's presence in the place. This was a good decision, to stay here the night. It had a bed and as most people didn't know where it was located or that he ever went there, he was almost assured of a peaceful night. No females with expectations would interrupt him here. Yawning widely, he quickly made his way into the room.

Only pausing to remove his coat and uniform, Toshiro rolled into bed and let sleep overcome him, taking him away from the increasing number of unpleasant factors that were now affecting his life.

* * *

A.N.

This is approx 5- 6 days behind the 'Different Circumstances'.

Soundtrack

"I don't wanna know" Wicked Beat Soundsystem

"You've been flirting again' Bjork

"The Story" Thirty Seconds to Mars

Review. I like reviews except abuse. Abuse does not please me and makes me tetchy.


	20. Love's Excuse

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Love's Excuse**

Maybe she had overreacted. There was a (very) slim possibility that she hadn't thought it through before she made the accusation, but he hadn't denied it. She'd given him the chance to deny it. Well, no she hadn't, but she'd seen….What had she seen? Or thought she'd seen?

After she had shed the tears that had come unsummoned and felt the grief rip through her, Soi resolutely did not think about the events of the morning. Deciding that she had cried enough she washed her face, carefully checking that her eyes were not swollen or red, that no sign of her weakness was visible. Unfortunately the tears had coloured her eyes and she bathed them until it faded. It took time but she believed it was vital that she appear as normal for her sense of honour. Not wishing to remain alone where it might be possible that she would again begin to think about Toshiro, she began to walk to her office, thinking that work might provide the necessary distraction from her thoughts.

A number of ideas rose in her mind, ones that would answer some of the questions that confronted her. Making a quick detour she visited three of her most trusted aides and provided instructions for them to follow. Facts were always much more useful than speculation.

Satisfied that her orders would be obeyed she continued to her office to be met by the frightening sight of her lieutenant smiling at her. Why he had decided to stretch his mouth into that alarming grin did not interest her and she merely nodded in response and quickly settled in her office. Immersed in her work she had snapped regularly at him as he again seemed to be experiencing an inability to remember anything she told him. Some days he was slow but today he was slow, dim witted, needy, greedy and forgetful. In an attempt to make it simple, and to make it possible that she didn't have to repeat her instructions for a third (or was it a fourth?) time, she wrote down a list of tasks, with plain guidelines, and handed them to him. She made sure that the words were clearly written with no hint of ambiguity and the orders were simple. Much of it was busy work, filling in requisition orders and tasks of that nature, but it might keep him occupied.

Then she dealt with a number of matters outstanding, some from days previous to the whole Ichimaru and abduction incident and the problems that resulted from his actions. Due to her high level of frustration with her second in command she almost sent her lieutenant to inform the families of the death of their relatives, but she didn't do that even under normal circumstances. She was not naturally cruel and to entrust him with that mission would be unpleasant for the relatives who would have enough to cope with in handling their grief. It was one of the more unpleasant tasks and had to be handled correctly for everyone's sake. Oomaeda could not even appear slightly contrite and if he tried to feign sympathy she was pretty certain that it would not be convincing. He lacked the delicacy and empathy that was required. If he hadn't been of noble birth he would never have been permitted to be ranked so high. At least the Kuchiki clan did not use nepotism the way some of the less influential noble clans did nor had Yoruichi's. Byakuya had not insisted his sister be given a seat. Thinking of the man reminded her of his possible impending fatherhood and winced.

"I hope I can remain distant from that particular disaster. Captain Ukitake will handle the situation with firm gentleness and will not insist on knowing the identity of the father of the child. Perhaps a marriage can be arranged for the girl," she thought idly and then dragged her attention back to what she thought she should be doing.

A few minutes later she was thinking about her second in command once more. Every time her mind strayed to Toshiro or the events of the morning she dragged it back to more familiar patterns. One day soon she was going to check out his skills personally. If he did not meet the requirements for a lieutenant she would replace him, despite any protests from the rest of the Seireitei. The time for ineptitude was over and minor nobles should learn that they should not try to place their incompetent children in positions of power. She wanted to run her Division with a firm hand and a measure of proficiency in the highest ranked officers. Any hint of insubordination, like those so evident in 10th Division, would be dealt with efficiently.

Thinking about 10th Division meant she began to think about Toshiro, again. This was the third time she had allowed her mind to drift from the work and was unacceptable. To try to retain focus she set herself a task that was both unpleasant, but necessary. Choosing the most capable officer to inform the families was something that occupied her for an hour. It was not correct to use the same person to convey the bad news, the task needed to be shared. Finally making her decision she wrote the new instructions and walking to the door handed them to her lieutenant.

Now that had been decided she struggled with other matters that demanded her concentration and judgement. Reading one submission, she noticed that the 10th Division were mentioned as having attempted a new method of training which seemed interesting. The link was made in her mind again and for minutes she thought of Toshiro, not the man she had accused that morning, or the person she had tried to hurt, but the young eager lover who seemed to take so much pleasure with her. Dragging her mind back to the task she was trying to complete she made an angry face as her lieutenant interrupted again. When he spoke she didn't bother looking up or acknowledging his presence, but she felt her shoulders tense as he moved close.

"Excuse me Captain..." he began and his voice faded away as she let her breath out in an angry gust. At least he had the sense to recognise when she was angry, at least this once.

"What is it this time? I gave you clear instruction. Have you forgotten how to read or did you have trouble understanding the concept of thinking before you ask?" she snapped at him.

"No, I have brought you lunch. I took the liberty of sending for some food as you have been hungry recently and I thought as you were so busy you might need some sustenance."

Until now she had ignored those appetising smells. This morning she had only eaten a rice ball with her tea but now she felt ravenous. "Put it there," she told him pointing to the only clear patch on the table, "and go away." She waited until the tray was placed and just before he left the room she added, rather ungraciously, "Thanks."

His thoughtfulness surprised her. Quickly she drank the soup, ate the vegetables mixed with mushrooms and then sipped the tea as she ate the sweet bun. It was exactly the sort of meal she would have chosen, if she'd thought about it. She had asked him to procure this type of meal on many occasions when she was busy.

He'd remembered? After this space of time he'd remembered her preferences and acted independently? The shock poured through her as she considered the matter. If he could act this way, if he started showing some sense it would make her life easier. Yet, with the baby would she be able to reply on him to the extent she needed as she had to spend time away? She didn't have to decide immediately, but now she thought about it she would have to start planning.

Once she'd eaten she didn't feel like working. Trying to work had been more difficult than normal and she had allowed her mind to be distracted too easily. It wasn't just her mental discipline that was lacking; she had ceased training regularly. To keep her mind keen she had exercised every day, varying her regime, as she believed that doing the same physical exercises made her body become as lazy as a mind that processed the same thoughts in a continual loop. Her physical laziness had led to a mental laziness and her mind kept going over the same facts, the same questions without making any progress. This type of mental trap was one that she had encountered before, when Yoruichi left her, and recriminations vied with grief, anger and scenarios where her lover returned to her. But Toshiro had only been a passing fancy, hadn't he? She shouldn't find her mind constantly repeating all the disasters that had over taken their arrangement. Those thoughts she'd had about him, the kinder thoughts, had been brought on by the hormones that were released into her body because of the pregnancy. That was the only sound explanation, or at least the one that she could accept.

It seemed like too long since she'd had some exercise and worked her tight muscles. Since the mission had arrived back in the Seireitei she had been taken up with matters which should have been inconsequential, but for some reason, some stupid irrational mental malfunction, she had lost her focal point. Her attention should be centred on her Division and the problems presented by recent events but it had all become intensely personal. That was wrong. Her decision was made. She would work on her body and then work on her mind.

Leaving her office she gave brisk instructions to her lieutenant. Most of the important matters were addressed and the others could wait. They might be significant to someone else but that was their problem. She was going to find someone who knew one end of a katana from the other and who could actually make her break into a sweat. Not only that, she didn't want to fight someone in her Division because too often her subordinates seemed in awe of her. It wasn't that they fought badly, but their concentration seemed split. The other issue was her two preferred sparring partners in her Division were dead, killed by Ichimaru or his aides. Even though she hadn't mentioned it to anyone it was becoming clear to her that it was impossible for Ichimaru to have acted without any assistance. The information he'd provided Kenpachi and Rangiku was too pat, and far from comprehensive. He would have needed someone to speak on his behalf for him to be given any job in assisting in the Seireitei. The story was full of holes and the only amazing thing was that no one else had mentioned it or noticed it. Possibly the other distractions had hidden the flaws from other people or they were too occupied by their own personal issues.

Once again she had to force her attention from the circular thoughts. Today she wanted to fight a wild card, an experienced fighter who would force her to concentrate and not give her a chance to think of anything. The main problem was it was difficult to select anyone who would be able to provide what she needed without question, or a possible price that might be required. Many of the possibilities didn't even seem like a major challenge. She didn't want to have anything to do with 6th, 8th, 10th, 11th, 12th or 13th Divisions which made the choice extremely limited. Reviewing other possibilities, the choices seemed to narrow even further.

"I don't want to try fighting Izuru. He seems so distant since Ichimaru left, almost like a ghost. There are those rumours about him and Ichimaru, which he's never denied, and he spends so much time with that fool Momo. Maybe Ichimaru started the rumours. Is Kira secretly in love with her? That's possible and they have known each other a very long time. I still fail to see the idiot's attraction. The guy always seems to be brooding about something. Maybe he thinks it makes him more interesting. That leaves Shuhei."

He wasn't the best choice, but he did seem to display some competence. Maybe he could provide a challenge as long as she didn't release her blade or try any of her special attacks. Annoyed at her inability to make a fast decision she went to 9th Division. It was a hive of activity. Finding Shuhei proved to be a bigger problem than she had originally thought. Each time someone directed her to where they thought he might be she arrived to find he had already left. Frustration began to set in as she went from place to place and kept missing him.

"Is he deliberately avoiding me? If so, why?" she wondered as she was redirected to another place. She tried sensing his spiritual pressure but couldn't locate it and eventually gave up.

Walking to a quiet place over looking the trees she tried to put her irritation aside. The walking would provide some exercise and when she was alone she could imagine an opponent. She only wanted to fight to get rid of her anger but the anger would renew itself. Fighting Shuhei wouldn't help, he wasn't the object of her anger and she had not thought if she had negative feelings about him. She couldn't find him, whether because he didn't want her to find him, or there were other factors at play. All the same, she felt she needed to exercise her body and work off some of the frustration and aside from sex, which wasn't going to happen, fighting was one of the sure methods of regaining her equilibrium.

As she couldn't find a real person to fight she could go through the exercises, but they bored her. Patterns and forms without response would not serve her now. Once she had over heard one of her subordinates talking about a similar situation. He'd stated that he'd wanted to fight a Captain, but none of them would meet his challenge, nor would any of the lieutenants. He had decided to imagine an opponent, one he had seen fight and then try to defend against the attack. At the time she had dismissed the idea as one that would only be entertained by an untalented buffoon, but now it might work for her. If she imagined she was fighting a person who had annoyed her, that might help but she would know it to be her imagination. Would the effort be worth it? But all she would lose was time and if she didn't do this she might return to her office and that was not something she wished to do.

To do this she would need privacy and she recalled a glade where she had trained alone with Yoruichi. Without further consideration she made her way there. Arriving, she silenced her mind, or tried to do so. Many thoughts struggled to distract her, but they were unimportant. Pushing them aside she wondered how this could work. The main problem she faced was which opponent would she imagine? Yamamoto; Momo; Ichimaru; Aizen or Kyoraku? Without further consideration Momo was dismissed immediately. That girl would provide no challenge, possibly not even to her lieutenant. Concentrating hard on what she wanted, a good fight her mind again went through the prospects. Someone who loved to fight, strong and a little unpredictable would be the best choice. As soon as she'd thought that an opponent seemed to appear in her mind, smiling at her with complete understanding. Now she knew who, she wondered how, but was not left to wonder for long. He raised his zanpakuto in salute and they fought.

She'd seen him fight, who had not? His moves were not structured and his ability to take advantage of any opening made him a good choice when trying to develop a defensive strategy. It was hard to strategise a method to fight against a person who rarely blocked. Any normal person, Shinigami, human or Hollow would always defend, it was a natural response, but this opponent debunked what was considered normal. Attack and then maybe draw back, or press his advantage.

Her plaits flying behind her, she tried to counter his speed and strength with her shun-po, but he watched her closely and adjusted for the subtle hints her body gave as she tried each attack. Every so often she had to remind herself that her opponent was in her imagination and she wasn't really facing a corporeal figure, just a shade, an image.

Even so, her mind freed of the constant treadmill of painful thoughts and tortured suppositions, seemed prepared to reward her by creating a near reality and as she continued, her challenger took on more of the real persons attributes. Sometimes she thought she heard a slight tinkle when he moved, felt the impact of his blade on hers and then the fight seemed to gain more reality and the blows began to register. What impressed her most was his strength. Each time she managed to avoid a strike, she felt the energy of the force as the wind from the action pushed past her. The few times their blades met she quickly had to make a sudden move to disengage them so that her arms would not be seen to shake or bend.

The imagined fight was hard but short, and sweating from her efforts in imagination and swordplay she dismissed the image of her opponent from her mind and the glade she had chosen in which to fight.

If Kenpachi Zaraki was this good at fighting in her imagination, she hoped the reality would be even better. When he returned he might provide a decent challenge and a proper workout for her mind and body. She needed a regular chance to perform to this level, not just settle for the easy way.

What would be sensible is if the Captains regularly fought each other to assess their abilities and find ways to help each other improve instead of guarding the secrets of their bankai and strategies. If only she could get that immovable old man to actually see the advantages of her suggestions instead of dismissing them so easily. His resistance to change made them all weaker.

Tiredness swept over her from the restless night, the emotion of the morning and the workout she had created. Bowing to the weakness of her body she returned to her quarters and slept.

A knocking at the door awoke her. Blearily she noticed that the sun had set. She had slept through the afternoon and couldn't remember any dreams that she'd had. Reluctantly she answered the door, hoping it wouldn't be another person who needed her advice or who had been sent to her as a result of another Captain's lack of courage. She found one of her aides kneeling at the door.

"Commander, the man you set me to follow seemed to spend all his time when not in his Division within the confines of 4th Division. He and the lieutenant of that Division seemed to be counting linen and were not to be disturbed. I do not understand the importance of counting linen," the soldier's eyes were fixed firmly in front of him and he didn't see Soi flush.

That linen closet! She remembered the encounters with Toshiro in that place and knew that Retsu had spent time with her lover there. But that meant if Captain Kyoraku was there with Isane he wasn't with Toshiro. Did this mean that the Captain was screwing the 4th Division lieutenant?

"What else would they be doing in the linen closet unless they were counting linen?" she mocked herself. "Of course they're lovers. Toshiro and that man aren't lovers, unless…they want both types of partners but it doesn't seem likely. I think I made a mistake." The words ran through her mind as she thanked her aide and sent him home to rest.

Sitting on a chair she sipped the tea she had made earlier as she ruminated over the new facts. If she wanted to be honest she knew why she had made that assumption. It was easier to try to dislike the man if she felt he was immoral and could not remain faithful. And she wanted to find a way to dislike the man. That might provide the key to overcoming those stupid thoughts and dangerous impulses that had begun to provoke her recently. A Toshiro who was faithless, thoughtless, cold and selfish would be less attractive than an honourable man. But how honourable was he? He was screwing her while he considered marrying Momo. The day they'd first fucked she knew he'd been thinking of Momo at the beginning, when he was kissing her. He'd even told her he loved Momo and the only reason he'd met with her was so she would protect his friend.

The whole situation was a mess. She hadn't acted with honour, but out of pride. His behaviour was aberrant, hers was inexplicable. Trying to justify her actions was quickly dismissed; she didn't want to accept that she had made many of the mistakes. Denying all the thoughts she hit on the one thing she could acknowledge openly. She missed the sex.

Another knock at the door brought her to her feet and she moved quickly to open the door, hoping to listen to the second, more important report. Her heart wavered as she noted her subordinate kneeling, ready to report.

"Speak," she demanded, her voice smaller and higher than she'd expected.

"Commander, the target slept most of the day and then visited 13th Division and 4th Division. As he was returning to 10th Division he encountered Lieutenant Nemu Kurotsuchi who embraced him and escorted him into his quarters,"

The facts were relayed quickly and Soi felt a surge of anger. Easily overlooking the details that had been conveyed to her earlier she felt jealous of Nemu. Soi had never felt comfortable enough to embrace Toshiro in public, or even show him any sign of affection. Then she checked her thoughts. Why would she do that? It would have implied she wanted more than the arrangement allowed and neither of them had ever stated that they wanted more.

No, it had to be because Toshiro was out of control, first her, then Kiyone, Captain Kyoraku and now Nemu. Was he that insatiable or was he keen to try anyone? She only hoped that his child would display a little more control that the father. It seemed wrong that she felt so bad because of the actions of a man, her former lover. A man in whom she now had no interest. Of course she had no concern for him. He had broken their agreement and was planning to marry. But if he was planning on marrying Momo, why was he experimenting with so many sexual partners? Would he remain faithful to the girl once he was married or was he trying to work out his sexual preference?

Apparently not noticing the reaction her words aroused the aide continued, "He left his quarters a few minutes afterward, alone and is now in the non-tenanted quarters near…," she continued.

"I know where he is," Soi said abruptly cutting off her words her anger replaced by relief and strange joy. Toshiro had not stayed with Nemu. He had returned to the place they used to meet. Why? Why had he gone there and why had Nemu met with him? Maybe she was wrong. There was a way she could find out, one she would enjoy, but was it wise?

"You are dismissed for tonight," Soi said making a sudden decision. "You may rest now and I will take up the observation." That sounded like a solution, maybe not the best solution, or even a sensible one, but it didn't matter.

"As you wish, Commander," her aide said and then vanished.

Dressing carefully, Soi considered her plan. This was foolish, but she'd done so many foolish things recently that she decided that one more didn't really matter.

Leaving her quarters she glanced around to make certain no one was watching and made her way swiftly to the place she knew that Toshiro was sleeping. Waiting outside the door she made certain she could only feel the reiatsu of one person before opening the door. Reassured she entered the room quietly and saw him lying on the bed, deeply asleep. The coverings were pulled up to his waist and his clothes were scattered carelessly on the floor. Her clothes shortly joined them and she drew back the sheet and looked at his naked body. This was the first time she had allowed herself to really look at him and she found she was admiring his chest, his thighs. It was so different to the body of a female, but still desirable. Her desire which had been lying just below the surface urged her to act and she easily permitted the urge to overtake her. His cock was limp, but she knew how to change that. Gently getting onto the bed she moved close to him and whispered in his ear, "You're asleep. This is all a dream. Just a dream."

Toshiro hardly moved until her hand touched his penis. Then he shifted as if he was moving away until she began to stroke him, uncertain if this was the best way to excite him. The time she had touched him previously he had responded quickly and that seemed to be the case again. Almost as soon as her hand touched him his penis started to thicken as the blood filled it. He stirred under her touch and she became very still, scared she had woken him and he would challenge her assertion that it was only a dream.

"Soi," he murmured sleepily, his eyes still shut. "Oh, Soi. That's good."

He said her name. Not Nemu's, Kiyone's or Captain Kyoruka's name or even Momo's. He'd said her name. The delight she felt she quickly suppressed, assuring herself that he might have recognised her voice. But she didn't want him to think this was really happening.

"This is a dream," she repeated, keeping her voice quiet and flat.

"A dream? I like this dream. I want you but you've been acting like a bitch," he murmured his eyes still shut. His voice was soft and still fogged by the influence of sleep.

"It's not me. I'm not really here. You're dreaming this," she said and then got astride him, sliding down his cock, sighing with relief as she felt him fill her and massage that ache that had been between her thighs since that morning. She wanted to move on him fast to reach the stage of pleasure but knew that it would be better if she moved slowly, like a dream lover. It was difficult to reign in her impulse to fuck him hard but that would make it obvious that this was really happening.

"This is a dream," he said and thrust upwards. "As this is a dream you'll kiss me." He sounded almost awake but his voice remained soft, and his eyes closed while his face was expressionless.

A kiss meant nothing. If she was trying to convince him it was a dream she'd have to kiss him and make it appear that she enjoyed it. Either that or she could leave now, but even when she began to try to act on that her body played traitor and bent her head close to his.

Giving into her craving she answered, "Yes," placing her lips on his. His arms reached to embrace her and he kissed her fervently and she allowed her senses to be overtaken by the feeling and forgot her resolutions. She stopped moving on him and just let the kiss continue. Her anger and resentment drained away during the kiss and those earlier, disturbing emotions began to return. She darted her tongue into his mouth to find his tongue caressing hers in return.

Finally pulling his mouth from hers he said, "My dreams aren't normally this good."

Soi began to move on him, feeling his answering thrusts as his hands cupped her buttocks, gripping them tightly. The firm hold was very pleasant and made her movements more controlled as he seemed to be adjusting her speed with his hands.

She suddenly realised that instead of the foreplay she had required previously her encounters with Toshiro had increasingly been about the joining of their bodies. And on many occasions it had been her idea, not his. It didn't matter, she assured herself as she bent to kiss him once more before murmuring once more the phrase, "This is a dream."

His body straining against hers as he kept thrusting upwards, his eyes shut, he nodded. "A dream. A wet dream."

She shut her eyes too, giving herself over to the pleasure that was streaming through her body. Her breathing quickened and the first tremors began to shudder through her body.

His voice interrupted her passion. Broken words demanded her attention as he pushed into her.

"A dream. Tell me you like me, Soi."

Caught off guard, not really caring what she said if it meant she could allow her climax to overwhelm her, and this was meant to be a dream anyway she responded immediately, "I like you, Toshiro."

"I like you too Soi. I wish I could tell you, but this is only a dream."

His words had an unexpected effect and she found that her body responded by rewarding her with an orgasm that seemed to rush through her body for minutes. She heard Toshiro groan as she came, her body obviously causing his to react in a similar manner.

Once she managed to open her eyes she quickly pressed her lips to his, assuring herself that this was how a dream lover would act and then quickly rose and dressed, her back to the bed. She would not look at him because she might be tempted by him again. Once could be excused as a dream, but a second time would make it obvious that it was real.

"This was a dream," she whispered in his ear before she left.

"Yes, Soi. It was a dream," he said his eyes still shut with a small smile playing around the corners of him mouth. "I'm pleased I dreamt of you."

Turning over sleepily he settled down his arms lazily stretched in front of him and he sighed gently as if he was drifting back into an interrupted sleep. An impulse to undress and join him fluttered at the edge of her mind but she quickly pulled her wits about her and left, surreptitiously returning to her quarters feeling, if not sated, a little less frustrated. Without bothering to wash she undressed and went to bed, curling on her side, one hand cupping her cheek, the other resting gently on her chest.

A.N.

I'm Australian which means I use the English spelling for words. An example you might notice is 'realise' which is spelt with 's' instead of 'z'.

Finally a little smut between the protagonists. And how convincing was that dream explanation? Heheheheh.

Soundscape

'Age of Loneliness' Enigma

"Solitude by the Window" from the soundtrack to 'Noir' Yuki Kajiura

'Tooth and Nail' Kinobe

'Fore' Machine Gun Fellatio

'Never' Massive Lust

Review. I like reviews.


	21. A Dream of Love

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**A Dream of Love**

Even though he was asleep, he heard the door open and someone enter the room but he dismissed it as part of a dream. When he heard the rustle of material falling to the floor, he decided it could just be his imagination. When the sheet was pulled back he almost reached for his weapon to attack whoever had followed him to this place, but he heard a voice assuring him it was a dream. He knew that voice, he remembered the last time she had spoken to him she had accused him of taking Shunsui as a lover.

"You're asleep. This is all a dream. Just a dream."

Peering through his lashes he saw Soi, naked and alluring, fondling his cock with enthusiasm, but little skill. Seeing her nude in the bed knowing it was her hand touching him brought him to erection quickly, much quicker than her clumsy ministrations. She seemed to use the same technique he'd seen Shinigami use for polishing swords: rubbing hardly and briskly, trying to get the job done and the sword back into its scabbard. Involuntarily he moved away from her, to make more room for her on the bed.

For a second he wondered if he should reject her, the unresolved anger surfacing briefly, making his hands clench and his pulse increase, but he wanted her. "I'll fuck her, then get angry with her and fight her. Maybe we will kill each other," he decided. That worked for him. He'd let her take the lead for the moment and then he'd pin her down and have her the way he wanted, making her moan for him and demand he take her over and over again. Having sex with her didn't mean he forgave her.

A rush of pleasurable anticipation overcame him. She had found out where he was and followed him, but she wanted him to believe it was a dream. It reinforced her lack of experience with males that she thought he could sleep through this. Would she remain asleep if he climbed into her bed and started arousing her? It wasn't likely, but if she wanted to believe that, he'd let her.

"Soi. Oh Soi, that feels good," he told her keeping his eyes shut and his voice husky. Did people normally talk in their sleep when they were dreaming? He wasn't too sure, but he wanted to provide some encouragement.

She again told him it was a dream. He decided to tease her a little in return.

"A dream? I like this dream. I want you but you've been acting like a bitch," he murmured his eyes still shut. Would she try to kill him for the insult or was she so desperate for sex that she'd overlook it? Maybe he hadn't thought it through, but it might be the sort of thing he'd say if he were dreaming. He didn't know.

Her hand didn't slow, but touched him more strongly. One day, if they became lovers again, which wasn't likely, he'd have to show her how to handle his cock less painfully but he wasn't in a position to complain.

"It's not me. I'm not really here. You're dreaming this," he heard her say before she mounted him. As he slid into her he bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his face expressionless. Her wet heat was incredible and he longed for a hard, urgent joining. Of course he didn't act on the yearning or she'd guess he was awake. His anger was being overset by his lust and he preferred to give into the lust. It was more gratifying.

"This is a dream," he said and thrust upwards. "As this is a dream you'll kiss me." He sounded almost awake but his voice remained soft, and his eyes closed while his face was expressionless.

This was a test. If she kissed him it meant she cared or was so in need for sex that she'd be prepared to compromise. The fact that she'd followed him indicated that she was more than ready to compromise. Why shouldn't he gain some advantage from it?

"Yes," she answered and kissed him. Without meaning to his arms encircled and he pulled her closer kissing her as if he were fully awake. She must know he wasn't sleeping by now. She kissed him deeper and their tongues entwined. For once she didn't end the kiss swiftly and even stopped screwing him while they kissed. It was exceptionally sweet. If she'd permitted him to kiss her like that more often he didn't think he'd be confused about how he felt about her. He'd know he was in love with her.

Finally pulling his mouth from hers, he said, "My dreams aren't normally this good." Some of the anger had been dispelled by the kiss making it easier to speak quietly.

Soi began to move on him, and he cupped her buttocks, gripping them tightly feeling the firm muscles in the palms of his hands. Trying to be careful he tried to adjust her speed so she was moving on him faster.

Her breath quickening again she spoke "This is a dream."

Toshiro had to fight to keep a smile from stealing across his face. It wasn't possible she could consider that he was still sleeping through this. If she wanted to believe that he wasn't going to disillusion her, at least not yet.

His body straining against hers as he kept thrusting upwards, his eyes shut, he nodded. "A dream. A wet dream."

She sped up pushing onto him faster and it was obvious that the sex was distracting her and making her less observant that normal. Opening his eye a little he noticed she had her eyes closed. He quickly gazed at her body, taking in the visual image of the woman who was screwing him with abandon. As she was taking advantage of his 'sleep' he decided to push her a little further. In the time they had spent together he had never been certain about how she felt about him and that confused him, especially where his feelings for her were concerned. If she cared for him, even a little, that might assist him in making a decision about what he should do, but would she make any admission? What did it matter? If she was insisting this was a dream he could ask and do anything, except wake up.

"A dream. Tell me you like me, Soi."

She responded immediately, "I like you, Toshiro."

He bit his tongue to prevent a gasp exploding out of his mouth. The speed of her answer indicated that she either liked him or didn't care what she said. But the tone of her voice was softer than normal and the way she said his name was almost like a caress. For now he would believe her words since he wanted to accept them as true. While he might want to think about it further, he could feel his climax approaching and couldn't concentrate. Instead he responded as he felt best. Finally he was permitted to express a small part of his feelings for this difficult but fascinating woman.

"I like you too Soi. I wish I could tell you, but this is only a dream."

As soon as he finished speaking, Soi reached her orgasm, and shuddered as she whispered his name. At least he thought that was what she'd said, but he couldn't be certain as her climax triggered his and with more pleasure than normal. He allowed the enjoyment to dominate his existence while it lasted.

Expecting that she would immediately dress and leave, the shock of her lips possessing his almost made him start but he exerted his hard won discipline and kissed her in return. He wanted to embrace her and tug her down to lie beside him but that would really make it impossible for her to believe that he was still asleep. Too soon she rose and he heard the rustle of her clothes as she dressed. He watched as her back was to him admiring her spine, her fine buttocks and neat waist and well shaped legs until they were covered. If only they could put aside the pretence and she could remain with him for the night; but he was pretty certain her pride would not allow that to happen. Noticing that she was beginning to turn around he shut his eyes again and lay as if still unaware.

"This was a dream," she whispered in his ear.

"Yes, Soi. It was a dream," he said his eyes still shut unable to prevent a small smile forming on his face. "I'm pleased I dreamt of you."

Turning over sleepily he settled down his arms lazily stretched in front of him. Sighing gently he acted as if he was drifting back into an interrupted sleep and heard Soi exhale, nearly in response and left, shutting the door quietly behind her. The quiet sound of her footsteps diminished quickly and her reiatsu became fainter. The possibility that she would return faded as the seconds passed.

He waited a few minutes more and then sat up, resting his forearms on his knees. What was he going to do? Could he follow her; make his way into her bedroom and tell her it was a dream while he returned the favour? Letting his imagination take over, a vision of Soi accepting him as eagerly as he welcomed her, despite the insistence on it being a dream formed in his mind. A night spent together when he didn't fall asleep or fight with Soi while they constantly assured each other that it was a dream and had sex that was both gentle and passionate. Or maybe hard and urgent. Or both.

Reality intruded and he accepted that it wouldn't work. The possibility that Soi would pretend to remain asleep or even permit him to enter her room unchallenged was so slim as to be non-existent. If she heard the noise of his movements when she expected to remain undisturbed she would react. Not only that but he was certain that at this time of uncertainty some Shinigami under her command would be observing her quarters. That was possibly why Yoruichi had organised this place for her trysts so she could meet her lovers unobserved.

Getting up, he washed and drank some water and then smoothed the ruffled sheets before returning to the bed. He couldn't return to his own quarters with Nemu there. If Soi had known he was here, she must have known about Nemu's visit. Then why hadn't she jumped to the conclusion that he was sleeping with her? She had very quickly believed that he was involved with Shunsui, and from that conversation they'd had the morning she'd formed that opinion she must have questioned Kiyone very closely about her involvement with Toshiro. That meant Soi might be jealous. He'd dismissed the thought before, but her recent actions seemed to confirm it. Either that or she was just irrational and didn't know what she wanted. She was a woman after all and he'd witnessed first hand both Momo's and Matsumoto's illogical actions and beliefs.

Wishing he hadn't thought of Matsumoto he turned over and tried to settle to sleep but it was hard to stop the anger he felt raging within him. Anger at Kiyone for putting him in that position with Captain Ukitake; with Soi for being difficult; with Shunsui for causing the situation with Kiyone, but most of all he felt anger at the traitors. Furiously he shifted in the bed, trying to drag his mind from all the matters that were keeping him awake. Again he turned over in the bed, jerking into a new and possibly comfortable position but it didn't seem to help. His breathing quickened and he brooded over the recent events which had thrown his ordered routine into a shambles. Sweat formed in the creased behind his knees, on the back of his neck and on his chest as the anger increased he temperature of his body. This was abnormal as he normally became colder, not hotter, but tonight the rage was lasting longer and having a different effect.

It wasn't anger that was causing this reaction. It was fear; caused by the length of time it had been since Matsumoto had been abducted and the growing dread that she was no longer alive. For most people, fear made then cold, for him it heated him until he finally managed to get his anger to cool the situation. He was being forced into a position where he had to acknowledge his feelings for his lieutenant, his friend and his lover and it was unpleasant.

"If Zaraki doesn't return with Matsumoto tomorrow I'm going after both of them. This forced inactivity by the old man makes me wonder what he's planning. Why isn't he organising training? Why aren't we sharing information? And why the hell did he push the situation with Zaraki? The man's not always contrary. It was obvious to all of us he was going to follow his wife. It would have been easier if Yamamoto had orchestrated the building of the pathway, but instead we were forced to work in secret. Why?"

Then something became clear. He counted the number of Captains and Divisions that were involved in helping make the passageway happen. Only three Captains and three Divisions abstained. Even Captain Kuchiki had helped with the passageway, Renji complaining all the while, and Toshiro hadn't even wondered why they were there. It seemed uncharacteristic of the man. He remembered the clever methods he had suggested to make the work proceed more quickly and the occasional cutting comments he made to Zaraki when the man seemed about to lose control. For some reason the cool observations seemed to snap Zaraki out of his rage and make him more determined to work harder.

Throughout the time he remembered that Byakuya had kept his distance from Kiyone, often moving deliberately away when she came too close. He had seen her watch him and the disappointment in her face every time he ignored her words. When Kiyone had tried so clumsily to seduce him, Toshiro realised he must have subconsciously remembered those half understood observations.

For some reason, remembering the near camaraderie that was established as they worked together soothed Toshiro. He and Soi had worked side by side and he relished how their hands had occasionally brushed against each other. Instead of the normal reaction of disdain and disgust she had evidenced except when they were fucking, she had appeared to ignore the contact and worked on. He wanted that Soi, the determined woman who could admit she was wrong and then try help by any method she could.

Finding these memories relaxing he drifted into a restless sleep that was broken by a great weight he felt pressing down on him. Opening his eyes he couldn't see any physical reason for the pressure.

"What's happening?" he asked the empty room. Struggling from between the sheets that seemed determined to keep him in the bed, he dressed and while dressing obtained a location of where the pressure was emanating. It seemed to be coming from 4th Division.

Going onto the rooftops he raced toward the feeling. It was reiatsu out of control, flaring then crashing down, like waves pounding onto the uncaring beach. Dimly he began to distinguish the feeling.

He was not the only person heading in the direction. On the ground he noticed people hurrying, many of them members of his Division and the 11th Division. None of them were talking; instead they seemed intent on getting to the source of the disturbance as quickly as possible. Strangely he didn't see any sign of Yamamoto, who he was sure would be aware of the disturbance. Vainly he searched for the reiatsu of his lieutenant but could not discern it, disguised as all other spirit energy was by the undisciplined surges.

Reaching the 4th Division compound he saw that Isane was standing there, her face grave, seemingly awaiting the arrival of the throng. She nodded when she saw Toshiro and started slightly when she saw Soi. Her amazement was nothing to that Toshiro felt when he beheld his 'dream' lover. Her glance registered and then dismissed him. All the pleasure and anticipation he hadn't known he was feeling deserted him through that one glance. Maybe that experience last night had been a dream after all.

He heard someone speaking and he dragged his attention to Isane who was trying to speak clearly over the small amount of noise.

"Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto had been rescued by the unofficial party. She is severely injured and requires urgent attention. I ask all of you to try to keep your injuries to a minimum today, especially 11th Division. We are not permitting any visitors today." She tried a weak smile as she made the comment, but the fear in her eyes did not leave and no one laughed at the joke.

"Did any of the party die?" The speaker was Soi and she had her attention solely focused on the 4th Division lieutenant and she seemed to be worried about the answer.

Toshiro wondered who she was concerned about. Was Soi interested in Ikkaku or Yumichika? Has she chosen one of them as her lover? He felt a flicker of jealousy at the thought. It couldn't be Ikkaku; or could it? He might be sleeping with both Nemu and Soi, but neither of them knew about the other. Or maybe she was sharing Yumichika's bed. She preferred women and he was pretty enough to be a woman and wouldn't appear threatening to her. Had she moved on after their affair had ended so recently? Was she only using him last night while she waited for her new lover to return? He felt his heart harden against her. She had pretended it was a dream because she didn't want to admit she'd been unfaithful. That had to be the explanation and the reason she had rejected him so quickly the morning after the abduction. But that didn't tie in with her reaction to Shunsui. Immediately the jealousy ebbed but the confusion remained. Soon he had to find the truth in this maze of complexity. He didn't want to start reacting as illogically as Soi.

"Their injuries are minor. Now I must go and assist my captain," Isane said and Toshiro noticed a tear trickling down her cheek.

He started forward but Shunsui was beside him and patted him on the shoulder. "I'll ask for you," his friend told him. "She might answer me."

Quickly he went forward and spoke to Isane who answered him briefly without looking into his face. A few words passed and she bowed slightly and entered the building where Momo and he supposed Matsumoto were being kept.

Shunsui stayed where he was, but now leaning against the wall. Finally he turned and walked back. As he approached Toshiro noticed he was white around the lips and his eyes were slightly glazed.

"Tell me. I have to know," Toshiro urged wanting to shake the words out of the man. Instead he reached up and placed his hands on his shoulders, trying to make contact with him so he could obtain an answer.

"Ran is….Ran is. No. It can't be true." Shunsui clutched at Toshiro's shoulder and shook his head hard. He seemed to have all the strength drawn out of him.

Toshiro swallowed hard and then forced himself to utter the words he didn't want to say. "Is she dead?"

Now he'd said the words aloud he felt his stomach lurch in fear and depression settled on him so fast he didn't know how to react. Dead. The word had been uttered and it lingered in the air, heavy and grim.

Shunsui gulped also and bit his lip hard then slowly opened his mouth as if preparing to talk.

"Stop being so dramatic Captain Kyoraku," Soi scolded harshly. So intent had Toshiro been on the answer he hadn't noticed that she was standing near. "Answer the question. Is the lieutenant still alive?"

"She's dying," the words were wrung out of Shunsui. He placed a hand on his face and seemed amazed to find his face was wet. "My friend is dying and I can't see her."

Pushing Shunsui away, Toshiro turned and fought his way through the crowd almost drawing his blade to make his progress faster. He had to get away from this press of people and have some time to think. He couldn't be near anyone now; it wasn't possible to bear the demands of someone else's company. Without considering the matter he went to the place he had slept the previous night, shoved the door shut and then sat on the floor. His eyes stared straight ahead but he couldn't see what he was looking at. His heart beat and each pulse of blood screamed through his body as he thought of Matsumoto dying. He'd miss her more than he'd miss Momo and he didn't want to miss either of them. His eyes felt hot as he continued to stare at the floor, but inside he felt cold. Once again he felt he was freezing, sealing himself against all others, the way he had been before Matsumoto had found him and helped him find the warmth of friendship. The cold spread through him, slowing the rage within his blood, cooling the heat of his eyes, hardening his heart. Cold wrath blossomed within him and he felt the urge to kill anyone, everyone, but most of all he wanted to kill the traitors who had done this. Why kill Matsumoto? Was Ichimaru that unforgiving that he had to kill the woman he'd rejected who'd finally found love with someone else, or was there another reason? Remembering the times she had teased him and made him do her work as well as his own made it worse. All the times she had hugged him and he had struggled to remove himself from the soft embrace of Matsumoto when he secretly enjoyed the affectionate gestures. She had always cared about him. He couldn't think of her; he wouldn't think of her dying.

"She won't die," a small, stern voice reassured him.

Without looking up he answered, not wanting any company. "I don't know that and neither do you. Get lost Soi. I don't want you here." Strangely there was no surprise in his mind that she had followed him. If he could feel anything he'd be amazed that she was trying to offer comfort, but there was no room for him to feel anything more.

'Stop being a selfish, indulgent fool, Toshiro. You're not the only person who's worried about her," her tart voice actually made him look up at the woman who was standing in front of him.

"Fuck off Soi. I'm not in the mood to listen to you," he shouted at her. At least this was one way he could release some of the overpowering rage he felt. It felt strange yelling at the woman while he was sitting down so he got to his feet and glowered at her. If she said anything else he'd crush her. He'd ice her and she would never torment him again.

Stepping back she glared at him and her hand was hovering over the handle of her zanpakuto. "Can't you feel the reiatsu? Kenpachi is barely keeping it together. He's still in 4th Division but they'll have to get him out of there soon. He'd interfere with any attempts to heal and he'll be out of control. Get a grip Toshiro," she said her words hissing through her tight lips.

"That's not my problem," he said sidling closer. She wanted to fight; he'd fight her, gladly, to the death. Maybe that would ease some of the pain he was feeling.

"Yes it is. Retsu's trying to save your lieutenant; we both know how she struggles to prevent anyone dying and she's friends with Ran. She's probably hurting more than…"

"Not my problem," he said again, then grabbed Soi and kissed her hard. Why he did it he didn't know or care and it was a way to make her keep quiet. There was no love, no lust, and no friendship in the kiss. It was one born of anger and frustration and he clamped her arms by her sides while pressing his mouth firmly against hers.

She jerked her mouth from his, gave him a look that promised bloodshed and then kissed him hard in return and he felt his mouth beginning to bruise from the pressure of her lips on his. He tasted salt and thought it was blood, but it didn't have the familiar coppery smell or metallic taste. Tugging his mouth from hers he looked and didn't believe that single trace of moisture that he saw on her face. It must be that he'd hurt her. That could be the only explanation for that tear. Abruptly he released her and stepped back. He had never seen her cry from pain; he'd never seen her cry. Did this mean she was feeling sorrow and the tear was an expression of her sadness? That couldn't be correct. This woman had only ever shown him anger, pride and lust. When she thought he was asleep she had shown a softer side, but this was unexpected. How could she express her emotion when he was still fighting his?

"Don't pretend. I didn't know you could cry on demand," he said viciously wanting to hurt her for being able to cry.

Rubbing at her cheek with one hand she slapped at him with the other but he'd been expecting her reaction. He grabbed her arm and stared at her intently. He may as well say what he was thinking. "Let's not fool ourselves. We both want to be naked and screwing each other so we don't have to think about anything else."

"I'm not an animal, Captain Hitsugaya. I don't respond to grief by falling into bed with the first convenient partner," she argued, but he kissed her to stop the words emerging from her mouth.

Instead of pushing him away, or hitting him in the stomach, she tugged at his shirt, his hair, alternately pulling him closer and trying to undress him. She undid the ties that fastened his hakama her fingers rapidly undoing anything that got in her way.

"I thought you weren't an animal. You said we were over," Toshiro said, his voice roughened by the strong feelings he refused to acknowledge.

"This changes nothing," she said harshly. "I'm trying to console you." Her busy hands did not cease moving and as she tugged impatiently he heard stiches break.

He'd been led to believe that consolation was usually gentle and caring, not gritty and passionate. An answer to her assertion immediately rose to his lips, but for once he thought about the words before he said anything. Telling her that she wanted the 'consolation' as much as he did would only make her angry and she might leave. He had a choice: to talk which would end this now; or to accept and participate. The longing to be with her again, focusing on the pleasure they could bring each other rather than the upsetting thoughts that were forcing unwanted emotions to war within him made him acknowledge that there was no need to choose. His body had already made the decision for him.

Their coupling this time was hard, quick and urgent with no gentleness or kissing. They fell on the bed, removing only those items that were necessary, not wanting to wait those minutes it took to strip. Being naked wasn't necessary. This wasn't about love or even sex. It was about forgetfulness and need and anger. Avid fingers caused bruises; the large purple flowers swelling under the flesh caused by the pressure of the grappling hands. But Toshiro didn't notice any pain. He kept his eyes fixed on the furious, lustful gaze of Soi and knew it reflected the expression on his face. Nails raked his skin, making blood seep through the shallow cuts as his mouth battened on her neck, her chest. First he was on top, then she pushed him on his back until he again pinned her to the bed. It became a battle for supremacy as much as a means to find release.

They were two bodies joined together in a frenzy of passion that they used to hide their fear and grief. No words were spoken, the only sounds were the harsh breathing and the sounds of flesh slapping on flesh as urgency dictated. There was no foreplay or tender touching as they pushed against each other, working into a frantic rhythm that brought orgasm and a brief interval in the rotation of his thoughts.

* * *

A.N.

4 days behind 'Different Circumstances'.

None of you really though Toshiro was asleep in the last chapter, did you?

Review. I like reviews. No reviews, maybe no update.

_Soundtrack:_

'Turn In, Tune Out, Cop Out' Freakpower

'The Sky is a Poisonous Garden' Concrete Blonde

'B.P. Empire' Infected Mushroom


	22. Friend Forfeited

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Friend Forfeited**

Without looking at Soi, Toshiro rolled over to the edge of the bed and got to his feet as he fastened his clothes. If he stayed in the room with her any longer he'd make love to her and did not want to take that step, not now. She had provided the consolation and now the frenzy was passed he wanted the love and the care that he'd sought from her in the past but never received. Nor had he admitted that was what he was craving. The woman who had sex with him last night had almost seemed to like him and he wanted her. Remaining in Soi's vicinity in his current state of mind would mean the vulnerability he was feeling might cause him to say or do something he'd regret. Having already done that, more than once, he didn't wish to repeat his earlier errors.

The pulsing of Zaraki's reiatsu was disturbing and he focused on that instead. Stretching his senses he could very faintly feel Matsumoto's spirit pressure and was relieved that she was still alive. One odd thing was even though it was so weak it seemed to be pulsing in time with that of her husbands, not reaching the peaks, but now he could see the reason he'd had difficulty sensing her. The 11th Division Captain's reiatsu was masking hers. He'd never previously noticed that the flow was so similar. Similar? No, they were the same and it made him wonder if they had always been synchronised. For a bloodcurdling moment he felt Matsumoto's reiatsu fail, and he stopped breathing, believing that she had lost the fight to live. Incredibly he felt a surge in Zaraki's that seemed to pull Matsumoto's with it, as though he was forcing her to stay alive, either consciously or unconsciously. As her reiatsu weakly responded he breathed again.

That momentary sensing permitted him to grasp the depth of her injuries. Her spleen was destroyed as were her gall bladder and pancreas. Her heart had been so badly damaged that it was a miracle that it continued to beat and many of her muscles had been torn or slashed. The extensive damage was not wrought purely with hands and fists. Kido had been employed to punish Matsumoto with calculated brutality. Sustaining those injuries she could not survive. Even a skilled a healer like Retsu would have no method to repair organs that were flattened into distorted shapes. Within minutes, or hours, his lieutenant would die.

He broke the connection, fearing to sense her last moment, but he could not ignore the other evidence of her continued life in the overpowering pressure of Zaraki's reiatsu.

Without thinking what he was doing he turned and looked at Soi, seeking reassurance. Her calm expression gave no indication of her thoughts. "She's still alive," Soi said without opening her eyes, her voice loud in the silence of the room.

"How do you know?" he asked as he bit back the "and why do you care?"

"Zaraki's energy is still surging, but there is a modicum of restraint there. She's very bad, Toshiro."

"I know that. Why are you telling me? I thought you were meant to be consoling me," he told her but his words were heavy, without the lightness or anger he felt he should be exhibiting. His throat felt rough and he cleared his throat after he spoke.

"I did. I am. You're an idiot," she said in a bored voice. He turned and saw that she had turned over and her back was facing him. From what he could tell she had adjusted her clothing also.

The insult made him feel almost like she'd slapped him. She knew his friend was dying and then she called him an idiot. Normally that wouldn't have mattered, however he was feeling exposed to her. Hotly, he said something he hoped would hurt her.

"You're right. I'm an idiot to have ever trusted you."

"Your choice Toshiro," her tone had barely changed and it seemed that she didn't care what he said. "But the sex was good. It's a pity it's the last time."

His mouth remained open from when he was going to reply to her. Had she really said that? But she'd said it was the last time more than once before and they'd had sex again. One time she might mean it, though it had seemed pretty certain that she had meant it in the past. This time she had chosen to follow him and 'console' him. He knew he could not mention what occurred last night. It hadn't happened. For some reason he knew that speaking about it to her, or anyone, could only end in trouble.

"Like last time was the last time?" He still felt the need to mock her slightly.

She gave him a cool look. "Whenever I decide it's the last time, it will be."

That didn't really provide and answer and opened the door for hope. She played with his emotions too readily and he grew tired of it. "What's the real reason you came here?"

"One captain going ballistic is bad enough. We can't afford to have two acting like madmen," was her answer.

What was she saying? "You fucked me because you didn't want me to go off the edge when, I mean if, Matsumoto dies," he said through clenched teeth. Artic fury flooded him. Was this her idea, or had someone told her to do this? Was she selling her sexual services now? She'd used him before, for whatever reason and now again he was being manipulated to match her aims.

Soi sat up and faced him. Without meaning to his gaze raked her body and he remembered how she looked naked. Her words affected him even more as she announced with little feeling: "Your lieutenant is dying. I won't try to pretty up the truth. When she dies Kenpachi will go insane. In looking at the situation, I decided it would possibly affect you in the same manner. I thought if I fucked you it would remove the edge. If you're angry, but not distraught and he is crazed, you can fight him, pacify him, or at least prevent him from killing everyone."

It was clear that Soi remembered the earlier threat made by Zaraki. Reeling from the words Toshiro was silent. It was hard for him to accept that she had unfeelingly announced that Matsumoto would die. From every interaction with her, he knew she was direct and would say what was on her mind, without caring how the words would affect the other person. Or perhaps she selected those words that would cause the most effect in order to convey her point. Was she deliberately trying to infuriate him? She was succeeding, all too well. Through lips that seemed to be nearly incapable of movement he stated: "Matsumoto will not die. You said before that she wouldn't die and now you say she will."

The subtle movement of her shoulders was not lost. She shrugged as if the whole matter was unimportant to her and she didn't think it should matter to him. It crossed his mind to question how she would feel if her lieutenant was dying, but remembering her easy dismissal of his abilities he doubted she would care. Possibly she would be relieved, even pleased, if she found a need to replace him.

"I could feel it when you sensed her injuries. She nearly died then," Soi was dispassionate. "You have to contain Kenpachi. You have the most chance. The old man will do nothing."

He closed his eyes and the fingers of one hand pushed at his forehead as he tried to think it through. Everyone, except him and Zaraki and maybe Retsu, thought Matsumoto might die, or so it seemed. It wasn't correct. He wouldn't let her die. She had to help him with Momo, mock him, make him smile and sleep on his couch when he needed her help. Without another word he decided to go to 4th Division and order that he see Matsumoto and demand that no effort should be spared in saving her. As he moved toward the door, Soi's voice stopped him.

"There's no point in going to 4th Division," Soi said as if she guessed his intention. "If I judge the situation, they're trying to ease Kenpachi out right now so they can concentrate on trying to heal your lieutenant and they won't want another captain trying to tell them what to do. Retsu requested I post the Special Forces around 4th Division to deter any visitors, even captains."

Turning, he glared at her. "I'm Matsumoto's Captain. They can't stop me." No one had the authority to keep a captain from his lieutenant. He didn't care how many members of the Special Forces he had to overcome.

Again he felt a powerful surge of reiatsu from Zaraki and on checking it was obvious that Matsumoto had again been close to death. His fury mounted as his inability to do anything was impressed upon him. He wanted to be there, to try to help. If she was going to die he wanted to thank her and then stipulate that as he was her Captain she must continue to live. Sometimes she obeyed his direct orders. He knew he was fooling himself.

"That was close," Soi said reflectively. Her words proved that she was still reading him and that didn't soothe him.

Needing to make her hurt just once he spoke without thinking about what he was saying or the consequences. "I don't need a commentary on the near death of my lieutenant, Captain Fong. I know you wouldn't give a shit if your lieutenant died, but I care about mine. You believe you loved Yoruichi," ignoring her outraged gasp he continued. "From what I've seen, I doubt it. There's no room in your life for love or even friendship. Loving someone can hurt and I love y…Matsumoto. You'll never understand."

Frigging hell. He'd nearly told her he loved her. In order to distract her from the near fatal admission he finished, "The arrangement is over. Try practising on a banana to see if you can touch it without bruising it before you choose another lover. At least you won't have to wait for it to be ready to use." Slamming out of the room he breathed a heavy sigh. If he thought about it, he might regret what he'd said, but why bother even thinking about it? It wasn't important.

Desperately he sought out Shunsui. He tried to sense him, but it was hard. The man might be able to talk to Isane and get an update or even get him into the room with Matsumoto so he could try to help.

Vaguely he remembered watching some stupid thing while he was in the human world about freezing people who were near death until a cure could be found. If he could freeze Matsumoto it might keep her alive longer, and provide Retsu with a chance to find a remedy. He'd only used the technique on enemies before, but it could have a practical application. Freeze her enough to suspend her life. Would it work? He'd never tried anything on a friend before and was uncertain if it would work but he had to try. She would try anything, over and over to help.

He loved her.

Not Soi, Matsumoto.

He loved his lieutenant.

Not that pain in his chest love that he experienced when he thought about Soi, but that same sort of ache he'd suffered when he tried to help Momo. A desire to protect and care for the woman and make certain she was safe. The feeling was strong as if she was in some way connected to him.

Thinking about how his lieutenant had always treated him, it dawned on him how he truly felt toward Momo. He knew what these emotions meant. Both women were his family. He had grown up with Momo and while she was older than him she was like his younger sister. Bratty, silly and foolishly innocent her attractions for him were her naivety and loyalty. Too often she made the wrong decisions and needed guidance and even when she tried to pretend she was assured and in control, she was still a mess.

His lieutenant had been more than that, was more than that. For once, a female other than his grandmother had tried to protect and nurture him. Her gentle teasing, laziness and garbled confessions made him feel like she was older than him, which she was, but not like a mother. Mother's didn't provide descriptions of sex or offer to give demonstrations on how to kiss. Matsumoto was like an experienced older sister and now he knew how dear she was to him. Only recently he'd permitted her to enter into a marriage he thought was a mistake, but it wasn't. For some reason he believed Zaraki was the key to saving Matsumoto, but he didn't want to trust his instincts. It wasn't sensible to allow emotion to guide deeds or how he acted, and his actions had to count.

Maybe Shunsui could help. Seeing Matsumoto would help. Even though he knew she was still alive, barely still alive, he wanted to see her. He commenced searching, going over the rooves, through the streets where he saw people clustered around talking worriedly. Soul Society was crumbling around him and he didn't care. Soi only used him, one of his sisters was insane and the other was dying. What use was love when it only made him feel like this? Once he sorted all the mess out he would withdraw, reassess his boundaries and carefully erect his emotional walls. They had to be reinforced and steadied.

These feelings were preventing him from taking the sensible way. He would fix them and once all the issues were resolved there would be no further reason for him to allow these stray ideas to dominate his life. Once more he would make decisions based on intellect and observation. All the time he was reassessing his life he kept searching for Shunsui.

Eventually he located the captain in a seedy wine shop.

Entering the shop he immediately located the man. His hat was tilted on the back of his head and his skin was flushed as he poured another cup of sake down his throat. From the glazed look on his face it was not the first or even the third drink he'd consumed. Toshiro wondered if it was even possible for the man to make sense given his current state of inebriation.

"Hel, hic, Toshi. Shiddown. Havsh a cuppa, hic, shake. Lovely schtuff. Makes me forge' whatever it is I wanna forge'. Can't 'member wha' it wash," he burbled while pouring and drinking another cup of sake.

Toshiro looked around, expecting to see Shunsui's lieutenant nearby, frowning fiercely at her Captain, but she was absent. The man was sitting alone, with the sole intent of becoming as drunk as possible.

"Schent Nanao awa'. Tol' her to have a barfh," the dark haired man said in a confidential manner and blinked at Toshiro slowly, his eyes closing longer than a blink. It seemed like he was falling asleep as his head slid to one side.

"You told the woman to go soak her head." Until then Toshiro had not noticed that Iba was sitting near Captain Kyoraku, his dark glasses obscuring his eyes. The tone indicated a certain amount of displeasure. "That was cruel."

"Nanao don't has feelingsh to hur'. Shesh a vrobot. Made in 12th Divisio' or China. I bet it's stamped on her arse. Wanna check for me? All womn are vrobots. Use you and chuck you."

"You're offensive when you're drunk," Iba snapped and began to get to his feet. He moved close to the seated captain, his hands forming into fists.

As angry as he felt, Toshiro tried to diffuse the tension. Shunsui was expressing his grief by getting drunk so he wouldn't remember, or because he liked drinking. But this was the worst Toshiro had seen him. "Iba, your captain is looking for you," he lied.

"My Captain? But he told me I could have the night…. If you say so Captain Hitsugaya," Iba said and with a further disgusted glance at Shunsui he left.

The possibility of using Isane to get to Matsumoto had faded nearly as soon as he saw the captain. No woman would want to indulge a man who could barely string his words together. Instead of being able to concentrate on his lieutenant, he was forced to make certain his fellow captain wasn't beaten up. The mood in the bar was becoming ugly, mostly because Shunsui was singing. He was singing loudly off key. His choice of song was also questionable and could be misunderstood. As he thought this, Shunsui got confused and again sang "I'm just a sweet transvestite from the uptight Seireitei." He was freely changing the words and the song was becoming more offensive and irritating as he repeated the same words a number of times. Toshiro didn't want to know anything about anyone else's love life, either imagined or real.

"Have another drink, Shunsui," he told the man as he hastily poured him another cup of sake. And then another. Shunsui drank them, tipping them down his throat quickly and apparently without tasting them. His eyes were barely open and the hat fell off as his flushed face deepened in colour.

Toshiro had judged the level well. After the third refill Shunsui collapsed over the table and commenced snoring.

"At least that's better than his singing," a patron of the bar commented sourly.

"Yeah, not near as loud," the bar keeper agreed. "Could you get him out of here? He's bad for business," he asked Toshiro, not very gently and with a lack of respect that didn't augur well for Shunsui.

"I'll send some people to collect him," Toshiro said as he handed over some coins. "Remember his rank and mine."

"The guy's been annoying the hell out of the other patrons for hours. Most of them have left and gone elsewhere," the man complained and then stopped when Toshiro looked at him, not bothering to conceal the anger he was feeling and a gust of cold enveloped the bar owner.

The shopkeeper turned a slimy white colour under his gaze and as a sheen of sweat formed on his brow he looked down. Satisfied that Shunsui should be safe until he was retrieved Toshiro slammed out of the bar his anger made him quickly make his way to 8th Division. After finding the office vacant he sought and found a few of the higher ranked officers. Tersely explaining the situation, he sent them to retrieve their captain. Searching further, he could find no trace of Nanao but on consideration decided not to ask her whereabouts. She might still be smarting from the earlier instruction from her captain.

Assured that Shunsui would be taken care of, he stood wondering what he could do next. "How do I get into 4th Division? Special Forces can be ruthless and don't operate like any other Division within the Seireitei. There has to be some way to get past them,' he pondered. As he stood there, uncertain what to do he felt a breeze pass by his side.

"Sir, a note from my Captain," a voice interrupted his indecision.

Without even glancing at the person he automatically took the note being handed to him, opened and read it, and then wished he hadn't. He had enough to think about and did not wish to be present for the meeting he was requested to attend. Frowning, he glanced over the note again. There must be some way to escape this particular gathering.

"Captain Hitsugaya, Your presence is required at 13th Division at noon tomorrow. Captain Kuchiki has reluctantly agreed to discuss wedding plans and I require you as a witness. Yours sincerely, Ukitake."

Had Kuchiki already agreed to marry Kiyone? That was quick work on the part of the 13th Division Captain and solved that problem, at least. It was probably the only good news he'd heard all day, but why did he have to be a witness? He still felt uncomfortable being near Kiyone and she might commence crying once more or decide she loved him. Even though she had explained that she didn't he still did not feel comfortable with the woman. She had told Soi everything and he was certain that was one of the reasons she had made the accusation about his relationship with Shunsui. He didn't need help to annoy Soi; he could do that quite easily on his own.

The problem remained. How could he reply in the negative to Captain Ukitake without appearing rude?

"Who cares if I'm rude? I don't want to go," he thought but even as his brain rejected the idea the twinge of conscience was too strong and he found he had agreed to the meeting all the time knowing he would regret the agreement. It was strange. There had been no weddings in the time he had been a Captain and now three, close together.

The messenger left after bowing shallowly and he was again alone, unsure of his next move. With a feeling of dread he went toward 4th Division. As soon as he reached the perimeter he was turned back. A strong kido block was in place which was under constant renewal. He tried to rise above it, but couldn't. His attempts to counter it made him shake with exertion but didn't make any impression. The field remained in place and he was outside. He tried waving, sending a Hell Butterfly, anything, but remained ignored and becoming more anxious every moment that passed.

Since he'd insulted and left Soi, he had been trying to block out the feeling of Zaraki's reiatsu. He didn't want a reminder that his lieutenant was dying and that Soi had unemotionally stated that she would die and he should deal with Zaraki. What would the point be? The 11th Division Captain would be deaf to reason and prepared to fulfil his earlier threat. The only question was which would fall first: Hueco Mundo or the Seireitei? Even without bankai he doubted it would be easy to stop the man, or even slow him down if he was out of his mind with rage and grief over the loss of his wife.

Realising what he had unwittingly thought he felt a flare of hatred for his mind that had acknowledged that she would die. He had been denying it since he'd heard that she'd returned, but it was hard to ignore something that was inevitable.

Now, because Shunsui was being self indulgent, he had lost the only opportunity he could see of talking to his lieutenant. How could he get an update on her situation? Would he be told anything if he went to 4th Division?

A tug in his gut made him want to go to Soi and ask her to help. She could get him into 4th Division, but if he saw her, being off balance the way he was would be damned difficult. It was only due to his thoughts of Matsumoto that made him able to prevent the expression of his feelings. Seeing her now was folly.

A tug at the edge of his mind made him notice that Zaraki's reiatsu was now peaking further and now seemed to be coming from 11th Division. The surges crested higher and took longer to fall. It was now even harder to sense Matsumoto, as hers, while still synchronised with her husband's barely moved. She was hovering on the edge of death. He closed his eyes in defeat. Failure was bitter and so was this loss.

Soi had been correct. Zaraki was going insane and he would kill everyone who got in his way. The pulses he was feeling proved this and he felt the blood rush to his face, thundering in his ears. Someone had to die; but the people he wanted to punish were too far to reach quickly. There must be something he could do to rid himself of this feeling. If he went to 11th Division it was probable that someone might be able to provide him some update of his lieutenant's condition.

When he opened his eyes he noticed he was not where he had been. Instinctively he had used shun-po to go to 11th Division and he faced the enraged Zaraki. His reiatsu was thicker and heavier than he'd ever experienced and at first he staggered under its weight. To compensate he opened himself to the spirit particles and drew them in freely, strengthening his own spirit power.

Being intent on trying to kill his subordinates, Zaraki had not noticed his arrival. At least 12 men were trying to battle him, but most of them wore looks of terror as they tried to dodge his attacks. Already there were wounded men littering the ground, grievous wounds evident on their bodies, but all still lived. Ikkaku and Yumichika were the one's who were causing the most distraction and both bore wounds. Ikkaku seemed uncertain as to whether he should enjoy this fight and he kept shooting glances at the others as if he wished they would let him battle his captain alone. Yumichika wore the most determined expression Toshiro had ever seen. Gone was the preening, simpering 5th seat that seemed only concerned with appearance and in his stead stood a man who seemed torn between sorrow and determination.

Even as he watched Zaraki's blade clashed against another and one more man dropped, his blade wrenched from his hand from the force of the attack, blood spurting where his ear had been severed. Ikkaku glanced at Yumichika and nodded and they both advanced on their Captain, with fortitude. He didn't think they'd have a chance against Zaraki in this mood.

"Wait," Toshiro called and saw them stop. The stared at him and before he could do anything a large form loomed between him and the members of 11th Division.

"What the fuck do you want here, short arse?" Zaraki barked.

"I want to find out how my older sister is, I mean my Lieutenant. No one will tell me" Toshiro yelled back in frustrated anger not caring about his mistake. He was so sick of people reminding him of his size. "Tell me, bastard!"

Zaraki glared at him evilly. "She's dying. I didn't keep her safe. You came to gloat," he said scornfully.

"No I frigging didn't," the words were wrenched from him. "She's dying because you weren't fast enough."

Zaraki gave him a fleshless grin. The sight chilled him. "I did worse than that. I didn't protect her and I made Retsu kill my beloved wife. My fault, Hitsugaya. It's my fault. Let's kill each other."

Toshiro looked at the man blankly. What was he talking about? He made no sense. Retsu wouldn't hurt Matsumoto, he knew that. What had Zaraki done?

* * *

A.N.

Not the easiest chapter to write and the next chapter is going to be as much fun as having wisdom teeth extracted.

Ichigo is not my interest. If he appears it will be as a minor irritant.

'Welcome to the Black Parade' My Chemical Romance

'Sweet Transvestite' The Rocky Horror (Picture) Show

'Dirge' Death in Vegas

"Meltdown' Orbital

Review. I like reviews.


	23. Friendship Over Love

_Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I am not Tite Kubo. I do not own Bleach or the characters. I do not own the Seireitei. Next chapter there will be no disclaimer as if you have read this far you are already aware of the above. _

**Friendship Over Love**

_Warning: This is from Soi's viewpoint and provides her version of 'consolation'. Skip it if you want to avoid angst. _

Waking dreamily the next morning she stretched and yawned. Her body felt surprisingly relaxed and for a change the nausea had vanished. Dreamless, uninterrupted sleep must be the reason she was experiencing this pleasant awakening as a result. It was a pity it seemed to be the rarity rather than the norm and she wondered why her sleep had been so sound.

"Perhaps it's because of the enjoyable, near problem free sex I had with Toshiro," the explanation rose in her mind.

"It wasn't enough." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Relieved that she was alone she tried to dismiss the words as if she hadn't uttered a sound. Sex was the least of her concerns, or it should be. Toshiro was even less of a concern than the sex. If she had a choice between the two it would be the sex, as long as it was with Toshiro and he didn't say anything that was in any way challenging. It had to be him, no one else. Thinking about him this way was wrong but it was hard to think of him as the enemy. It was close to the way she had thought about Yoruichi, but that was flawed.

One time when they were eating breakfast together, before she left to assist Kenpachi in retrieving his wife, Retsu had told her that some women, not all, became more in need of regular sexual fulfilment while they were pregnant. Stripping back the words to their bones she guessed that some women wanted sex, often. At the time she had dismissed the idea as she fought off the sudden reflux she was experiencing. If you wanted to be sick, why would you want sex? The two were mutually exclusive, weren't they?

All the same, the comment intrigued her and she asked the inevitable question. "Do you?" without considering the consequences.

Retsu had not answered, sipping her tea slowly as she gazed out the door, her expression serene.

Wavering, Soi wondered if she should ask again or if it would be better to change the subject to something less confronting but she wanted more information. "If it happens to me, what should I do?"

Retsu smiled at her and had provided unexpected advice. "Whatever helps. Bathe in cold water, exercise, or indulge your desires either by yourself or with a partner. You're already pregnant, but take any necessary precautions if you choose a different lover."

Soi had flinched at the last comment. Choose a different lover? Who? The thought of touching any of the other men in the Seireitei only increased the discomfort she was already experiencing. None of them held the slightest appeal for her. She found she was shaking her head vehemently against the idea of another lover. If Yoruichi returned it might be different, but that would never happen.

"One day, Soi, you will have to face how you feel and make your decision," Retsu said almost in answer to her denial. Her voice was soft enough that Soi could pretend she hadn't heard the advice and she chose to do so.

The 4th Division Captain was being overly romantic on her behalf, but not her own. Any question Soi asked about Hisagi was either ignored or met with a polite, non-committal smile. Once again she wondered how Retsu was able to clearly read her emotions and she had trouble guessing when her friend was yearning or sad. The demeanour seemed the same except for the occasional glimpses of excitement when Retsu spoke of her pregnancy. When she did that, it was clear that she longed for a child and was overjoyed at finally being able to bear one. Once Soi had felt like asking why she had not allowed Kenpachi to get her pregnant, but decided that some questions were better unanswered and the current situation would make it more difficult. Who would want to have Kenpachi's child? Aside from Rangiku, Soi couldn't think of any one else, but what did she know?

When she was assisting in the construction of the gateway, Soi had seen Toshiro talk to Hisagi and noticed the way the 9th Division's lieutenant's eyes followed Retsu. At first he had been standing close to her, but after speaking to Toshiro he had kept his distance but continued glancing at the 4th Division Captain too frequently for casual observation. By contrast she had not looked his way, once. Not by so much as a flicker of an eyelash had she shown she was aware or interested in his presence. It might have been nothing, but as she had paid attention to interactions of the others, in an attempt to distance herself from Toshiro, Soi had noticed that Retsu had spoken to everyone, acknowledged everyone, except Hisagi, the father of her child. Every time he came within two metres, she moved onward. Each time he opened his mouth to address a comment to her, she turned away and began a quiet conversation with whichever person was nearest. It was very neat and could have been coincidence.

Soi wasn't the most astute student of human behaviour, she knew that. Most of the time she had trouble working out how she was feeling, especially about a troubling 10th Division Captain, but Retsu seemed to be acting peculiar. Trying to piece it together she remembered the explanation of the first physical encounter between Retsu and Hisagi. It had been unanticipated, at least the way Retsu spoke of the events, but Soi now wondered why Hisagi had sought out Retsu's company. He could have talked to any number of his friends, like Kira or Madarame, but instead he had sought out Retsu.

If she cast her mind back to the time previous to the defection of the traitors she could not recollect that Hisagi or Retsu had shown a preference for each other, but at that time she was still tightly within her closely woven shell of armour that protected her from the pain of loss of Yoruichi. She hardly noticed anything that occurred outside her Division unless it was forcibly brought to her attention. The return of her lover had shocked her and forced the weakness in the armour apart, leaving her vulnerable. Before she could progress down the well worn track of recrimination and remorse she blocked the memories. The pain, though less, was still there. They could have spoken regularly, formed a tight friendship as she tried to find a cure for his Captain's sight. What did she know?

She wasn't normally curious but the relationship intrigued her, especially how Retsu seemed certain that she could end it on her own terms.

Turning her mind to something less problematic, she considered Retsu's warning about the possibility of increased desire. Unfortunately Retsu had been correct. The morning she had accompanied Kiyone to see Toshiro she had planned, not consciously, to seduce him. That had been one of the reasons for her excitement, but that scheme had come to nothing. Fate, or whatever malign force had turned her desire against her and she'd acted like an idiot once more. Why did she make so many mistakes when she was in his vicinity? Was he using some subtle kido on her that mixed up her judgement? If so it was unlike any kido she had heard of or knew about.

Last night the sex had been different and was solely her idea. Thwarted in the morning from slaking the lust, the desire had continued to grow throughout the day. Her subconscious had been urging her to do something, to engineer a meeting with Toshiro for any reason. The pretend fight had been an effort to try to think of something else, but the need had lain coiled at the back of her mind, ready to emerge at any time when it seemed that she would have an opportunity.

She still wanted to find out why Nemu had visited Toshiro and stayed in his quarters.

But the news had provided the chance which she had gladly taken and then she had enjoyed him while he slept. He'd told her he liked her. She'd admitted the same. He'd also said she'd been acting like a bitch and she couldn't deny it. When he had said those words she'd wanted to argue with him, but that would have meant the dream illusion would have been broken. She was pleased she hadn't ruined the fantasy.

"Was he really asleep, or was he pretending?"

That question worried at her. At the time she hadn't even taken the time to consider it. It had been easier to accept the appearance of sleep. If he'd been awake, Toshiro would never have told her he liked her. He would have told her he was awake. She was sure of it. Wasn't she?

It was too late to worry about it. If he asked her about it, she would mock him, refuting everything he said. There was no proof, was there? For a short time she brooded on the matter. Nothing helped. No matter which was she looked at it, she had told Toshiro she liked him. The only reason she'd done so was because she meant it. Not that she wanted to tell him, she didn't want to acknowledge it to herself, but distracted by the passion it had been so easy to make the admission.

"He was asleep. He had to be asleep," while speaking the words aloud to provide assurance the element of doubt remained. The only solace she could identify was that she had not told him that she loved him. If he had asked she was unsure if she would have been able to reply in the negative, due to the diversion he was providing, not because she felt that way, except she did.

Shuddering she administered a quick mental slap and threw that idea into the part of her mind she kept all the matters she couldn't resolve. Every time it tried to emerge she pushed it back and began to list the different types of kido, or singing some inane song she'd heard. Anything to provide a defence.

Today she recited some haiku she had learnt at one time to amuse Yoruichi. None were about love, but most had to do with the changing of the seasons and the longing for the season that had just past or the season that was due to arrive. The theme of longing seemed to fit her mood today and provide enough of an admission to keep her difficult thoughts at bay. Rising, she washed and dressed for the day. The steady murmur of the poetry provided a background commentary as she mourned the passing of winter and the emergence of spring against an autumn moon.

As she left her quarters preparing to go to her office she felt a major disruption in the Seireitei. It reminded her of when the ryoka had arrived but this was much stronger and the source was within the confines of the Seireitei. As the disruption became less she was able to identify the source and the reason. The rescue party had returned and something serious was awry. Running to 4th Division she hoped to see Retsu and find out what was happening only to be met by Hanatoro Yamada whose face betrayed his emotion. He looked terrified.

"Captain Fong, Captain Unohana has requested that you post Special Forces around 4th Division," he asked his attitude humble.

"She's bad isn't she? Is she dead?" Soi asked.

Hanatoro knew of whom she spoke and hung his head as if unwilling to answer. "I don't know the details. No one will tell me. Only Captain Zaraki, Captain Unohana and Lieutenant Koutestu are permitted in the room, so I don't think she's dead. I think they're trying to get Captain Zaraki to leave because his rage is interfering with their attempts to heal her. You can feel his reiatsu, can't you?"

Soi nodded slowly. There was no mistaking that overwhelming pulsing that spoke of uncontrolled fury mixed… Was it really? Yes, it was mixed with fear. Kenpachi was scared, but not for himself. The waves of feeling beat at her and she immediately erected a mental barrier to exclude them. She had enough trouble dealing with her own emotion. She didn't need Kenpachi's instability adding to her own.

"Why the Special Forces," she demanded curtly trying to act as normal.

Hanatoro refused to meet her gaze. "Captain Unohana is worried about direct attack," was his soft reply.

"Or scared of Kenpachi," a slight nod showed that she had guessed correctly. Soi bit her lip wondering if anything less than his own death would be enough to contain Kenpachi.

"She's also asked if you could be present outside 4th Division to prevent any problems," his request was a combination of hope and expectation of rejection. "My Captain said that you would remain sensible and might provide a voice of reason."

The unexpected compliment made the decision easy. "I will be there shortly," she agreed. A second later a Hell Butterfly was making its way to her Division with her commands and she continued walking toward 4th Division. Although she tried to deny any suggestion that she hoped to see Toshiro there, the idea kept surfacing and she damned her mind for thinking about such things at that time. It was making her weak, these flickers of anticipation.

Last night had affected her more than she'd ever speculated or it was the slow cumulative erasure of her defences? Possibly without meaning to Toshiro had systematically ground down those hard edges and through the resulting fissures, creeping furtively but surely, that useless emotion had infected her with its plague. No matter how much she fought against the disease it would batten on her, working away at her independence and pride until she would lose all. Death might be preferable.

The area outside 4th Division was rapidly filling when she arrived and she noticed Isane looked upset and extremely tense. Noticing her arrival, the lieutenant nodded at her, an expression of quiet relief on her face and then she looked toward another new arrival, Toshiro. Schooling her features into a blank mask she glanced toward him to see a look of shock cross his face. "Why is he shocked," she wondered, but her attention was drawn by the announcement Isane made.

"Did any of the party die?" No one else seemed inclined to ask the question as they were probably scared of the response but it had to be something people wondered. She saw Nemu give her a thankful look and wondered why. Out of the side of her eye she noticed the gaze Toshiro directed at her could have frozen a small body of water and that also puzzled her.

The answer that Isane produced caused a small amount of murmuring and Toshiro seemed ready to move, but the 8th Division Captain moved faster and talked briefly to Isane. Interested in what he found out she moved closer only to be disgusted by his hysterical reaction when Toshiro questioned him. He wasn't married to the woman and despite the fact they might be friends she found his behaviour to be inflammatory and frightening. She saw the look of dawning horror and Toshiro's face and was scared that if the man kept this up the 10th Division Captain would lose that carefully composed façade he'd been maintaining since his lieutenant had been abducted.

"Stop being so dramatic Captain Kyoraku," Soi was as harsh as she could be as she tried to shock the man into some semblance of sense. She had moved close and noticed the tension in Toshiro's body. His face had gone white and his green eyes were widened in horrified anticipation. "Answer the question. Is the lieutenant still alive?"

"She's dying," the words were wrung out of Shunsui. He was crying. The man was crying! Why was he crying? Toshiro looked like he wanted to be sick as the 8th Division Captain continued his histrionics. "My friend is dying and I can't see her."

She opened her mouth to tell the idiot he needed to be rational but Toshiro was already moving away, going as far and as fast as the crowd would allow and she rounded on Shunsui. He'd made it worse than it already was and Soi wanted to hurt him the way he'd hurt Toshiro.

"Prick. Flapping your mouth and carrying on like a cow licking salt. If you had the sense of your second in command you wouldn't spread sensational stories. Captain Hitsugaya has been out of his mind worrying about Lieutenant Matsumoto and you have made it worse. You sicken me, you sot. Go climb into a bottle," she spat at him before turning and leaving without listening to the man's protests.

As fast as she could she followed Toshiro. It was crucial she get to him before he did something stupid like the stupid man he was. A half formed thought of seducing him crossed her mind as a means to distance him from the news. The heavy unnatural feeling in her breast ached and she fought the tears forming in her eyes. She daren't identify the source of the tears or she would cry in earnest and be of no use to anyone, least of all Toshiro. She kept her external barriers in place as she didn't want to be battered by the emotions she was sure were around but knew she would have to allow them down when she was with him. It was the only way and she dreaded the next hour.

Trying to guess the mix of emotions he was experiencing was difficult. Anger, fear, grief would feature and she could only work on some of them. The anger would be best appeased by fighting a strong opponent and she knew the only choice that needed the challenge and the fight, but she had to get Toshiro into the right frame of mind to make it succeed.

"I wish I didn't feel," she whispered to herself before she entered the room she knew she would find him.

The desolation in his pose cut at her and she had to fight her impulse to kneel and hug him close to her. She could not be weak now when he needed someone to be strong and provide the support. He might hate her as a result but for once that didn't matter; she had to break through to him and work her way through the consequences later. If she showed the least sign of weakness it would doom them both.

"She won't die," keeping her voice small helped her control the wavering.

Without looking up he answered, "I don't know that and neither do you. Get lost Soi. I don't want you here."

She expected that and with a considerable amount of effort remained and began to lure him out of his introspection the best way she could, by insulting him. "Stop being a selfish, indulgent fool, Toshiro. You're not the only person who's worried about her." At least he looked at her, the frost in his eyes slashed at her.

"Fuck off Soi. I'm not in the mood to listen to you." The shouting was only to be expected and his eyes darted from her face down her body.

Almost breathing a sigh of relief she stepped back and glared at him. At least the glare wasn't feigned and the blessed anger she began to feel started to kick in and make her react as normal. Her hand was hovering over the handle of her zanpakuto. "Can't you feel the reiatsu? Kenpachi is barely keeping it together. He's still in 4th Division but they'll have to get him out of there soon. He'd interfere with any attempts to heal and he'll be out of control. Get a grip Toshiro." In spite of her barriers she could feel it and knew the situation was desperate.

"That's not my problem," he said sidling closer. He looked at her with a mixture of loathing and longing and she wasn't sure why her heart began to pound.

"Yes it is. Retsu's trying to save your lieutenant; we both know how she struggles to prevent anyone dying and she's friends with Ran. She's probably hurting more than…" Oh, this wasn't good. Talking like this was making her hurt again and reminding them both of the desperate situation.

"Not my problem," Toshiro said again, then grabbed Soi and kissed her hard.

Gratefully she shut her eyes. For a moment she relaxed, but not enough for him to notice, then revolted with her weak reaction she pulled away, ready to fight. His eyes glittered at her and his mouth was wet and red from the kiss he'd pressed on her.

"Damn the increased sexual desire. Life would be easier without it," she thought and kissed him bruising her lips on his. Liquid splashed down her cheek, a single tear of the torrent she was holding back but it slid into her mouth.

The next second he pulled away from her, looking at her in disbelief and bewilderment and then moved away from her.

"Don't pretend. I didn't know you could cry on demand," the cold words shocked her into realisation and fortunately removed her need to cry. The disgust in his voice helped her act the way she knew she must.

She scrubbed at her eye to remove any traces of her weakness. The slap she aimed at his face was not meant to connect, but she knew that it would infuriate him whether she succeeded or not. She'd dragged him from the grief and despair into the other side where he might be able to function. His next words proved it. "Let's not fool ourselves. We both want to be naked and screwing each other so we don't have to think about anything else."

"I'm not an animal, Captain Hitsugaya. I don't respond to grief by falling into bed with the first convenient partner," were her carefully monitored words. It was enough to make him act and again he kissed her.

This was the excuse and she used it. Why did he have to wear so many clothes? Why did she? Naked would be best but it wasn't necessary as long as they could fuck. The need to have him now in the anger and the hatred would drive away the sadness and give him something else to brood about.

"I thought you weren't an animal. You said we were over." He always went over the same things. Couldn't he just forget the past and live in the present? What did 'over' mean anyway? He'd said they were over too, or had he conveniently forgotten? Why was he talking? He always wanted to talk for some reason and too often it led to more problems. Was it so important that they converse before and after the fuck?

All the same, she had to distract him from the argument about whether they were over or not. The best choice seemed to be to explain it away with as little detail as possible. "This changes nothing," she said harshly. "I'm trying to console you." She almost bit her tongue as she said the last two words as they were the truth. To disguise the reality she continued to undress him roughly, not caring if she ripped or tore anything. Clothes were unimportant.

He didn't say anything in response, just pulled at her pants and they both tumbled onto the bed. She longed for gentleness but that would be wrong so she kept her touch forceful and let the passion rule her, not the other more complicated emotions.

She felt the bruises form on her flesh and knew her fingers were causing the same damage to the man she was with. It didn't matter as she tried to fight her way to the momentary loss of thought for which she longed. He drove into her hard as each tried for the superior position and this time he marked her, heedless of the display his mouth left on her neck. The passion overruled her so she scraped her nails over him, wishing all the time that she could afford to gentle her caresses to demonstrate the other side of passion but that would weaken them both and she drove them both further, hurting and wanting the hurt to expunge the love.

As she climaxed she barely restrained herself from shrieking his name and telling him she loved him. Instead she bit hard on her tongue tasting the blood which leaked freely from the new self inflicted wound.

Thankfully he left the bed as soon as he recovered and redressed. One more minute and her hand would have reached out and rested trustingly on his chest as her eyes would have searched his face. They might have shared a moment that would destroy her independence and her perception of self. Now was not the time and there would never be that time between them. It could not be allowed to happen.

Then Toshiro stiffened and rather than allow her barriers drop so she could feel the fluctuations of Zaraki's reiatsu, she sensed Toshiro and felt the near death of his lieutenant and paid attention as he mapped the extent of her injuries. Her poor tongue received another bite as she battled to prevent any indication of her shock at the damage.

"She's still alive," Soi said to break the silence. She couldn't remain mute after that.

"How do you know?" he voice suggested that he wanted to know but she kept her eyes shut. Looking at him would increase any temptation.

"Zaraki's energy is still surging, but there is a modicum of restraint there. She's very bad, Toshiro." Her voice almost broke but she kept it from doing so by speaking in a monotone.

"I know that. Why are you telling me? I thought you were meant to be consoling me," he accused.

In spite of everything her lips twitched at his words and she turned away from him so he could not see her face. Why was she even thinking of smiling unless it was as a reaction against the other emotions she was fighting? The best defence now was to insult him and push him away. Now she knew the state of the lieutenant she wanted to show him the sympathy she had withheld, but again believed it was the wrong thing to do. "I did. I am. You're an idiot," she said in a bored voice.

"You're right. I'm an idiot to have ever trusted you."

The words hurt but it wasn't important. "Your choice Toshiro, but the sex was good. It's a pity it's the last time." Her mind was working out more methods to keep him from falling into despair and anger seemed to be the best way. If he again gave into sorrow he might not be able to help and they all needed his help now. The gamble she was making was huge and it might not work, but it was preferable to waiting to see what would happen.

If Rangiku died, and she fervently hoped she wouldn't, it would be best to send Kenpachi back to Hueco Mundo as soon as possible. His need for vengeance would be so great that Aizen would be removed as a threat very quickly and the Arrancar and Espada would be decimated. Her throat dried as it was impressed on her that Toshiro would go with him if the worst happened. While she had no doubt of his skills, he did not have the same bloodlust or love of killing and he might be injured, seriously hurt or killed. She didn't want him to die.

But there was no option. Toshiro had to fight Kenpachi. The emotion she sensed from both of them made them a near equal match and that anger had to be channelled somehow. It seemed like all the other captains were waiting around to see what was going to happen.

"Like last time was the last time?" His words broke through her thoughts. He never let anything go. Why was he so set on punishing her for everything and anything?

Schooling her features into a placid mask she replied, "Whenever I decide it's the last time, it will be." The practice of keeping her face unreadable needed more practice. While she had the chance she would try because she would have to turn and face him.

"What's the real reason you came here?" The demand was harsh and showed that his anger was increasing now he was no longer swamped with his own misery.

"One captain going ballistic is bad enough. We can't afford to have two acting like madmen," was her answer as she drove him further toward anger. She knew he wanted her to turn and face him, but that was proving to be harder than she anticipated.

"You fucked me because you didn't want me to go off the edge when, I mean if, Matsumoto dies," he said through clenched teeth.

She was going to have to be harsh, blunt and unfeeling. Because she'd forced him to hate her it would be easy for him to react badly to what she would say. With any luck she could force him into action and away from her speedily. Soi sat up and faced him hoping he was too angry to look at her face closely. "Your lieutenant is dying. I won't try to pretty up the truth. When she dies Kenpachi will go insane. In looking at the situation, I decided it would possibly affect you in the same manner. I thought if I fucked you, it would remove the edge. If you're angry, but not distraught and he is crazed, you can fight him, pacify him, or at least prevent him from killing everyone."

The half truths sounded fairly convincing if contradictory. If he was thinking clearly he would quickly come to the conclusion that they made no sense whatsoever, but her recent experience showed her that when the mind was overruled by events it was hard to work out why other people acted the way they did.

He looked at her scornfully, his lip curling in disdain. "Matsumoto will not die. You said before that she wouldn't die and now you say she will."

Hard though it was, she forced her shoulders to move in the mimic of a shrug. "I could feel it when you sensed her injuries. She nearly died then," Soi was amazed that she managed to sound so dispassionate. "You have to contain Kenpachi. You have the most chance. The old man will do nothing."

It worked. He was leaving, but she had to make certain he went to Kenpachi. For once she would use honesty as a tool. That might make him confront Kenpachi and at least some good might be obtained from this disaster.

"There's no point in going to 4th Division," Soi said as if she guessed his intention. "If I judge the situation, they're trying to ease Kenpachi out right now so they can concentrate on trying to heal your lieutenant and they won't want another captain trying to tell them what to do. Retsu requested I post the Special Forces around 4th Division to deter any visitors, even captains."

Turning, he glared at her. "I'm Matsumoto's Captain. They can't stop me." He sounded so young and uncertain in spite of the strength of his glare and then she saw his face change and she checked him immediately as she watched his face become hard.

"That was close," Soi said reflectively as she felt Rangiku's erratic spirit force stabilise once more. Her body had tensed automatically and felt grateful that Rangiku hadn't succumbed to her injuries this time. She hadn't meant to speak aloud, but it had happened and she saw Toshiro's face become cold and composed.

"I don't need a commentary on the near death of my lieutenant, Captain Fong. I know you wouldn't give a shit if your lieutenant died, but I care about mine. You believe you loved Yoruichi," ignoring her outraged gasp he continued. She had trouble hearing his next words, the shock from his mention of her love made the blood roar in her ears. "From what I've seen, I doubt it. There's no room in your life for love or even friendship. Loving someone can hurt and I love Matsumoto. You'll never understand."

He paused briefly and then in a voice that contained more hatred than she had ever had directed at her before said, "The arrangement is over." Pain jabbed at her chest as she watched him walk to the door. He was half way out when he turned and with a sneer added, "Try practising on a banana to see if you can touch it without bruising it before you choose another lover. At least you won't have to wait for it to be ready to use," before he slammed the door, leaving her once more.

* * *

A.N.

The comment Soi makes about cows licking salt is because the taste of salt makes cows cry, or so I'm told.

I didn't specifically choose music while writing this chapter and these are tracks that made me stop as I listened and eventually became the Soundtrack.

Soundtrack

'Carmen Queasy' Maxim

'History Repeating' Propellerheads

'Even After All' Finley Quayle

Review. I like reviews.

As a special offering for the holiday season, you can choose which perspective the next chapter is written from. Let me know, via review, which viewpoint you prefer: Soi or Toshiro. I've already started a chapter for each of them so it makes little difference. In keeping with the spirit of this season, "Bah. Humbug."


	24. Friend's Fault

**Friend's Fault**

Her gaze fixed on the door, Soi remained immobile. She was trying to comprehend what Toshiro said. It wasn't only the words that were affecting her. It was the way he had looked, the tone in his voice that had caused her limbs in freeze in astonishment.

Toshiro hated her. The venom in his voice, his attitude was poisoning her as surely as her zanpakuto poisoned others. Until now she hadn't guessed the depth of his feelings and while he often seemed angry, irritated or maybe even once slightly infatuated with her, he had not shown any sign that he hated her. Only recently he'd told her he liked her and now that had changed, for the worse.

She didn't want Toshiro to hate her.

As the blood drained from her face and pooled in her stomach in a cold and unsettling wash, the reality of the situation struck her. For too long she had believed, though she would never admit it, that one day she might tell him she liked him while he was awake. The possibility of telling him about their child had also been something she had considered, but never acknowledged. It wasn't that she wanted anything more than a casual relationship where they met often, had sex, kissed, spent time together and talked about things that interested them.

Who was she trying to fool?

All this had been a fantasy that her subconscious had created while she had known he planned to marry Momo. How could she have ignored that truth?

Because ignoring the truth was habit forming and easier than coping with reality. It had happened before. She'd ignored all evidence, every single fact that indicated that Yoruichi was leaving her, as it was something she wouldn't accept and if she refused to accept it, then it wouldn't happen. All the time she'd foolishly held onto a belief that could not be supported, convincing her mind that all the signs were an aberration which would soon be over. Everything would return to normal, given time.

It hadn't worked then and she had been ill-prepared to face how blinkered she had willingly become. It wasn't working now and even though she had experienced these emotions previously didn't make it any easier.

The only comforting thing she could think was that he didn't know she liked him because he'd been asleep when she told him. If he did know she would have to kill him, it was as simple as that. Her pride would not allow him to live with that knowledge.

Thinking this way was causing the muscles between her shoulder blades to knot with tension. What should she do now? Go and exercise? Perhaps she should return to her Division to make certain her lieutenant hadn't eaten some important paper work when he mistook it for rice paper that could be wrapped around snacks. Not that it had happened in the past, but it was one thing she had idly considered as she watched him eat yet another rice paper roll.

Her stomach grumbled slightly. She hadn't eaten and after the vigorous exercise her body craved food. Visions of eating a banana crossed her mind and among all the bitterness and anxiety she felt the image struck her as funny and she smiled. What had Toshiro meant by the last comment?

Touch a banana without bruising it? Her cheeks became hot as her mind finally started to function at more than half speed. He didn't like the way she handled him. Why hadn't he said anything? The fool had followed her instructions on how to provide her with pleasure, but hadn't said anything about how she should touch him. How did he think she would learn? By osmosis? Of did he expect Priapus or Aizen Myo-o to manifest and tell her in person how to handle his man thing?

"How could I improve if he didn't tell me? My touch still made him hard and that was all that mattered, wasn't it?" she thought though a persistent tingle down her spine that expanded to cover her buttocks indicated a depth of humiliation that could not be acknowledged.

That wasn't the most mortifying comment he'd made. There could be no disguising the fact that he had suggested that she use a banana to obtain sexual pleasure.

How dare he! She didn't need to rely upon fruit to seek gratification. All the same, part of her mind wondered about it; would it be necessary to peel it first, or would it better to… Disciplining her mind she refused to allow it to follow that disquieting path. Too much in her life had been spiralling out of control and she didn't want her brain to continue following this stream of consciousness thinking. It led down too many paths she had always blocked off.

Bananas were fruit. Fruit was meant to be eaten. Retsu had advised her to eat bananas as the potassium contained within them would be beneficial to both her and her baby. Maybe she should buy some bananas as she had rarely thought to sample the delicacy. It was true bananas were rare in the Seireitei but she could afford them, if she wanted to eat them. Maybe she could see how easy it was to cause the fruit to bruise and then eat it. No one would know.

But wouldn't buying the fruit be a way of acknowledging he might have a point? It would mean she took the insult seriously, even if only she knew. That could be enough. She would not buy the fruit because it was now a symbol of her humiliation. She would ban that particular food from 2nd Division. Anyone found eating one would be confined to the cells… but what could she use for her reason? It was an insane prohibition, but the only person she knew who would eat bananas was her lieutenant. She would simply order him to never bring them within the boundaries of her Division. There was no need to provide a reason if she then distracted him by giving him additional work.

Startled she snapped her mind back to the current situation. Her rigorous mental discipline had been breached. There were more immediate matters to which she had to pay attention than considering her next nibble or the importance of a yellow perishable. There was the deployment of her Special Forces around 4th Division and maybe while there she could check how Lieutenant Matsumoto was faring. With Toshiro gone, she had unconsciously increased her mental defences so she didn't have to experience the anguish of feeling Kenpachi's spiritual pressure fluctuate, or know the whereabouts of the 10th Division Captain.

It was one matter she had not discussed with anyone. The strong spiritual pressure of others never worried her, did not cause her to sweat or struggle. However, when the spiritual pressure rose and fell dramatically, unless blocked out, it made her feel queasy. Now she was pregnant, the symptoms were even more pronounced. As the 11th Division Captains' reiatsu was very strong and had been flowing unpredictably, it had been affecting her unconsciously until Toshiro had left. In spite of the barriers she could perceive, barely, that it was still behaving abnormally.

Without any warning the thought recurred: Toshiro hated her. She wanted to curl up and howl.

It was clear why her thoughts had strayed so far. Trying to distance her attention from that realisation with the silly concerns about bananas and Kenpachi didn't disguise anything. She had to talk to someone, to anyone, to Retsu. Retsu might understand, but she was busy. Right now she would be too busy to help Soi with this, wouldn't she? The thought made her stir, uneasy with the way her thoughts were progressing.

As she moved, wet fabric rubbed across her shoulders and her chest. Reaching up, in disbelief, her fingers encountered wet cloth and tracing upwards felt the spill of neglected tears from her eyes. Since Toshiro had left she had been staring, without seeing, at the door and obviously staring for that long had made her eyes sore and they were leaking from the unusual strain. That had happened to her in the past, when Yoruichi left. Water had slipped from her lids, tears that started hot but cooled as they dripped down her cheeks onto her clothing. Those strange wordless gasps that were emerging from her mouth were a reaction to the wet cloth, nothing more. She should change or she might get a cold from sitting in a cold room in damp clothes that were getting progressively soggier. They weren't the panting sobs of someone who was crying because the person she loved hated her. It was a reaction to the increasing cold.

Her eyes, because they were still leaking, started to deceive her. The door she was watching, hoping without accepting hope, that Toshiro would return, began to open. Not trusting her eyes, she blinked which released more moisture that quickly ran down her face further spreading the damp in her clothes. Then she blinked again, not able to comprehend who was standing in front of her. The visitor apparently couldn't believe her eyes either.

"Captain Fong. I didn't expect to see anyone here," stuttered the dark haired lieutenant, wavering in the doorway. "No one was here that time either. I was alone."

Soi quickly turned her face to one side, her heart thudding painfully as the realisation that someone had seen her tears.

"I will leave," the woman offered quickly, but not before adding, "I didn't think you were that close to Ran. My captain is inconsolable and wants me to share his grief, but I can't. Nor do I wish to."

Staring at Nanao Ise, Soi wondered if she had heard correctly. This woman didn't like Ran? Wiping her eyes with the edge of a sleeve, Soi said thickly, "I hardly know her. I thought I hated her, but I have been forced to re-evaluate my opinion." The woman had been honest; it was only fair that she return the honesty.

"I wonder if I had a pair of large tits that I didn't mind showing off, if I'd be forgiven all my sins," Nanao continued viciously. "I wonder if a Captain would marry me after I'd slept around the Seireitei. Would I get abducted and then saved by my husband who makes it perfectly clear that he loves me above his own life?"

The language was unexpected and sounded as if it came from another mouth. Soi felt like she'd missed the middle four volumes of a novel out of a set of six. There was much she didn't know about this woman. Trying to sort it out she asked, "Did you love; I mean do you like Kenpachi?"

Nanao stared at her as if she had difficulty understanding what she was saying. "What! Me, like the 11th Division Captain? That animal? I've heard the rumours about his size, but what's to like? Uncouth, brutish, and you'd have to put up with his Division that is populated by louts and thugs," she shuddered emphatically. "Thank you but, I think I'd prefer to sleep with your lieutenant."

It was Soi's turn to shudder. The woman didn't know what she was talking about and she'd obviously spent little time in his company. Rather than explore that upsetting image she asked, "Then what are we talking about?"

"This unexpected mass outpouring of grief about the probable demise of one woman is ridiculous. Even when we thought Captain Aizen was dead there was nothing like this. Only Hinamori carried on, but then she would," again the bitterness was present in the voice and Soi felt compelled to respond. "I hate her more than Rangiku. She's Aizen's booby and I hate anything to do with the man."

"She trusted the man completely. He tried to make her believe that Captain Hitsugaya was not to be trusted and because of him she fought with her oldest friend. Lieutenant Hinamori hates fighting," the words she was uttering made her mouth feel strange, as if I was coated with a mixture of heavy oil, salt and sugar. Talking about Momo made her queasiness return. Trying to justify and excuse the woman's actions was worse than thinking about her.

"That's no excuse! The woman is a Shinigami and should display more resilience," Nanao said loudly. "I suppose if Rangiku survives she'll lie around in 4th Division demanding to be waited on like Momo. They make me sick."

Not wishing to discuss Momo any further, Soi shrugged indifferently. Was there a possibility that she could pass a day without having to hear about her?

Nanao had not finished and now turned her attention to another area. "What is it about men? The only look at you if you have large mammaries or if they deem you cute, or sweet or hot. They're only attracted by the surface, never looking deeper than the superficial features that provide a pleasing face and form. My Captain likes Ran. I thought once she was married he'd come to his senses but now he's acting as though he's the one about to be widowed," the derision in her tone was flavoured with a distinct tang of self pity. "He's crying. He always has time for her and lets her do what she wants. Me, he lets me do all the work. I know they've been fucking. Why her? Why not me? Other men have liked me. They've been all over me….. No, that didn't happen."

Did that mean she wasn't as indifferent to her Captain as she had always pretended?

"They've been friends for a long time," Soi said woodenly realising that she couldn't say that about anyone. Her friendships had been recently formed and the realisation of what she'd missed confirmed her belief that there was more to life than the pursuit of perfection as a warrior and captain.

Nanao made a rude noise. "Friends? Huh? There can be no friendships between men and women."

"But Ran is friends with her captain and Captain Ukitake," Soi protested without much conviction.

"You're deceiving yourself," Nanao said with an air of finality. "It's all about sex. That's how Momo and Ran get the loyalty. Sex for 'friendship'. They trade freely."

Even though Soi wanted to protest and argue against the words uttered by the lieutenant she couldn't think of how she could refute her claim. She had never trusted men until Toshiro, not that she trusted him now, and she could now see what a mistake that had been. Even the man, who was meant to hold the fate of the Seireitei in his hands, the Captain General, had proved himself wanting recently and he didn't seem to be trying to address the many problems that were increasingly daily.

"And all that bubble head could talk about was how wonderful her Captain Aizen was. It made me sick to hear her talk. I never liked the man for all his supposed compassion and transparent honesty; not after…."

The incomplete sentence made Soi look at the lieutenant, wondering how that sentence was supposed to end. The woman's face had turned ashen and her eyes had become unfocused. Soi turned to see what she was looking at, but her gaze seemed to be fixed on the bed, the bed still rumpled from her most recent encounter with Toshiro.

"I was tired and having a nap," she explained quickly. "I wanted to get away from the places people could find me so I could have some peace." In many ways it was true and she didn't feel that she was being completely dishonest.

The woman didn't respond. Her chest hardly shifted and Soi quickly moved to ascertain she was breathing. As she laid her hand under Nanao's nose, she could feel the warm air escape but Nanao flinched back, raising her hands protectively in front of her face and neck.

"No," she hissed and hit out blindly, barely missing Soi's shoulder.

"Lieutenant Ise," the use of her name brought only a small cringe. Soi began to be seriously concerned. She had tried to punch her and then became catatonic. What was the situation?

"Where is your Captain, lieutenant? Where is Captain Kyoraku?" The woman dogged his footsteps. Maybe the mention of his name would shock her back to her senses.

For a second the animation returned to her face and the woman swayed slightly on her feet. In a faint voice she said, "Getting drunk. He told me to soak my head. Like that night…" her voice faded away and her dark eyes became even darker.

There was a short blessed silence until the woman began to mutter under her breath. Trying to catch the words, Soi found she was moving closer, even though she believed it was the worst decision she could make. Finally she began to hear the words, spoken hurriedly.

"Not that night. I dreamt that night. Nothing happened, it was a bad dream that women have. It was a nightmare and nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing…..NOTHING HAPPENED," her voice had risen until she was shouting, her hands clenched on the collar of her uniform.

"What do I do?" Soi wondered backing away from the woman. She had been right. Yet again her decision was wrong. In future if she made a decision she'd quickly do the opposite. That might lead to fewer complications.

Nanao's pupils had contracted to pinpoints as the skin grew tighter on her face. She convulsed as if she was preparing to vomit, but only a harsh gasp rent the air as the words "Nothing happened," spewed from her mouth once more.

The lieutenant was standing in the path directly between the door and Soi's position so she couldn't leave the room and hope the situation would vanish. There was no possibility that she could leave without being noticed and she didn't want the woman to notice her, not the state she was in. For some reason she was suffering a crisis and after all the recent events she'd been dragged into, Soi wanted the easier option: not knowing, being ignorant of whatever dark secret was claiming the woman in front of her. That way there would be no embarrassing shared secret that might later cause awkward moments between them.

The last few days had revealed too much: secrets, feelings, fears. Nanao's venting of her hatred had led to this. Focusing on hatred was something Soi was well acquainted with. If this was an example of what could happen if a person hated too much, maybe she should try to over look hate. Hating was easy. It didn't take much effort, but all the other emotions, the positive ones were more problematic. They actually needed care and could end up hurting. Hate didn't hurt, or it was a pain that was expected. Being hated hurt, but only if you cared about the person who hated you. Fighting the need to run her hands over her hair in despair, Soi again tried to use any means to extricate herself from this situation. At least she didn't think Shunsui had sent Nanao to her, but she had been dealing with too many problematic female lieutenants or third seats recently. The male Captains could commence looking after the welfare of their woman officers; she didn't want to always be in the position of sorting out other people's problems.

"Whatever happened, I'm going to have to take her to 4th Division, to Retsu. I don't have a choice. There is something seriously wrong and I'm pretty sure that I'll only make matters worse. What would Toshiro do? No, wrong call there. What would Yoruichi…. Why am I thinking of people who matter to me when I should be thinking of Nanao. I have to think of her to get out of this, though I can't say I care much. I want to get out of here, now. Why do all these things happen at once? Has someone been positioning us like dominos that fall in a neat pattern when just one of us is pushed over? It all seems so random, but with a strange sort of logical structure. What would Retsu do?"

Remembering the wisdom always displayed by her friend it became obvious. Retsu would provide reassurance.

"Nothing happened," she told Nanao firmly, hoping that she'd chosen to say the right words. Echoing the words back at the woman might provide the comfort she was seeking.

The dazed eyes turned to her and for a second Soi felt she was looking into the eyes of a person who was experiencing the torment of many people. The pain she saw would have driven many people crazy and she began to back away, fearful of the reaction of the woman as she bore no resemblance to the careful and controlling woman Soi had frequently encountered.

"Were you there?" Nanao asked with a mixture of hope and despair in her voice. Any blood that had remained in her face had drained away and her dark eyes glittered feverishly against the white skin. "Didn't it happen before you joined 2nd Division? No, it was after Captain Shinon left. Did you see? How do you know?" She had drawn closer again and once more Soi almost felt like backing away. The fervid nature of the woman was beginning to make her question her qualification to provide any assistance.

Nanao shook her head hard in denial. "No one was there," she said. "I wasn't there either because nothing happened. Nothing happened here. Never. Nothing happened because no one was there. I wasn't there, I'm not here, and I'm not there. Am I anywhere? If no one was there, then I wasn't there. I'm not here. I'm nowhere." After saying these words the 8th Division lieutenant stood completely still once more.

Waiting for her to continue, Soi watched closely and noted that the woman did not seem ready to move, or act in any manner. While her eyes were unfocused, they appeared to draw in the light rather than reflect it. Minutes passed and she still did not move, and did not react to Soi's voice, taps from her hands or her stern commands.

Acting on instinct, Soi, managed to pick up the woman and carry her to 4th Division. Whatever was affecting her was beyond her skill or comprehension. None of the Shinigami she passed dared to stop her when they saw the set expression on her face and noted the burden she was carrying. She passed Kira who fell into step with her and without saying a word, took Nanao from her, holding her gingerly within his arms as he escorted Soi to 4th Division, his regular anguished expression growing darker and more haunted.

As she came to the kido shield it was dropped as her subordinates noted who was there. The one person, who approached her, noticed her expression and did not ask the question that seemed to be forming in his mind. Instead he bowed and vanished, leaving the way to 4th Division clear.

Isane had obviously been alerted as she met them outside the building. Her glance at Nanao told Soi that she had encountered the woman in this situation previously as her quick shake of the head and small sigh. Before she took the woman she stroked her forehead and closed her staring eyes with gentle fingers. Then she smoothly removed Nanao from Kira's arms and took her inside after saying, "Please do not follow. We feel we are under siege with the incoming casualties from 11th Division. I would ask Captain Unohana to come to speak to you, but she is still attending to Lieutenant Rangiku. It took all her skill to persuade Captain Zaraki to leave, but his reiatsu was battering at her and made it difficult to work. That poor man."

The words had a strange effect on Soi. She had never heard any one express pity for Kenpachi, not even when his wife was abducted. The false and distasteful pity Kurotsuchi had used after the invasion of Soul Society didn't count, but Isane words were definitely full of sorrow for the man.

She waited with Kira, still not speaking, but no one else emerged from 4th Division.

"What is happening to the women of the Gotei 13?" Kira murmured almost to himself. "First Momo, then Ran, now Nanao. I heard that you were visited by Kiyone and she was crying."

"You don't know the half of it," thought Soi. "Why are you talking to me?"

"I don't like rapid change," Kira's sharp features were looking gaunt. He had lost weight since the traitors had left and Soi only now noticed that his uniform seemed to hang on him. "My friends, the people I've come to depend on are either ill, injured or changed beyond recognition. Even I've changed. I don't recognise my reflection when I pass a mirror."

"I do not believe this information is relevant to me, Lieutenant Izuru," Soi's tone was not as scathing as normal, but he was making her recognise there could be no return to that niche she had created. It wasn't that it was comfortable, or pleasant; she didn't like it, if she was honest, but it was familiar. Something that remained unchanged and tight and confining as it was, it was a place she could relax to a limited extent.

"But it is, Captain Fong. You haven't changed," he laughed, but there was only bitterness in the sound. "That provides me with reassurance that one day this will end and everything will return to how it was."

Another bitter laugh filled the space around them, but this time it was Soi's laughter. "Until now, I thought you were a little more perceptive, but now I see I was wrong. We can't go back, Lieutenant Izuru. Everything has changed, even I have changed. Clinging to the past will only make you long for it more and you'll ignore any opportunity to move on."

A strained silence fell between them only broken by the gentle breeze which swirled leaves up from the ground and the escalating pressure of reiatsu which Soi was finding it increasingly difficult to block. It was more insistent than before and felt familiar, but it was interfering with her concentration and causing a slight headache to form behind her eyes.

Kira sighed heavily. "While you're right, it's hard to move on when other people won't let you."

She knew immediately what he meant and knew she was one of the people who was guilty of keeping Kira in the past. It would cost her an effort but she would say the words. Maybe the Goddess of Mercy might notice and help Retsu heal Ran. That would at least relieve some of the unrelenting depression she was feeling.

"You're not responsible for the action of your Captain, lieutenant. No Captain allows a subordinate to dictate his or her actions. The traitor's plan must have been in place years before you graduated the Academy. You have to keep your Division together. That is your role, not mourning the past or fearing the future."

As she spoke she wondered if she was talking to Kira, or herself.

Kira turned to her, the light of hope in his eyes. Before he could speak the sound of thudding feet summoned their attention. Hanatoro appeared, saw them and ran toward them.

"Get Captain Zaraki, quick. Something's happening and Captain Unohana thinks he can help." Without even noticing who he'd addressed, he turned and ran back into the building.

* * *

A.N.

Soundtrack

'Blanket' Urban Species

'Saltwater' Chicane with Marie Brennan

'Disenchanted' The Communards

Priapus and Aizen Myo-o are gods of fertility, the first being Greek, the second Japanese. I don't know why I find that amusing.

The requests for a chapter from Soi's viewpoint was marginally larger (one or two). These included the pleading emails, etc. The next instalment, from Toshiro's viewpoint, is nearly completed and should be posted within the week: work, family, interruptions, revelations, revolutions and natural disasters permitting.

Review. I like reviews.


	25. Fighting for a Friend

**Fighting for a Friend**

"I'll die fighting. That's the only way for the 11th Division Captain or any man to die," Zaraki said roughly. "When Matsumoto dies, I'll follow."

Toshiro felt like killing the man without any further discussion. How dare he admit that his wife was dying, or that he was responsible for her death? He should be fighting to keep her alive as hard as he could instead of accepting what was happening so easily. In addition there was this constant chatter about fighting and death and cutting people. He wondered how his lieutenant felt about the talk about bloodshed, but then, from some comments he'd overheard he wasn't sure they'd had a chance to talk much. All the same, he wasn't married to the man or even friends with the lunatic, so he didn't have to listen to him.

"You mean 'if'. She's not going to freaking die, asshole," Toshiro said pulling his zanpakuto out ready to fight.

"Yes she will, pipsqueak," Zaraki roared and his reiatsu soared again pulling Matsumoto's with it, just in time. "Accept it, just as you accept your death."

Did Zaraki understand that the surges of his reiatsu were keeping his wife alive? Every time she faltered, his rage peaked and pulled hers away from the shadow of death. If that was the case, did it mean he had to keep the man angry or cause a rise in his ire to coincide with Matsumoto's troughs? But the man was doing it instinctively. He might not know he was keeping his wife alive by his erratic anger, but he was. Toshiro realised he had been right; the key to keeping Matsumoto alive was her husband, but this was the weirdest idea he'd had presented to him. What was worse, he'd thought of this and no one had suggested it to him. If someone else had told him, he would have looked at them carefully to see if they were joking, and then he would have tried to confine the person, for their own safety, of course. The suggestion smacked of some of the off the wall ideas he'd heard about in the human world. Damn those people were gullible, believing in vampires, werewolves, zombies, aliens and all manner of strange hostile creatures while they ignored the Hollows and ghosts that swarmed their world. He'd even seen some thing about a film which featured vampires that glowed in the sunlight. How believable was that?

But the fact remained; he had to maintain the man's rage to keep the reiatsu sufficiently powerful that it could continue pulling Matsumoto away from the finality of death.

His reply to this man wasn't going to be kind. Kindness would be misplaced and misinterpreted. "No. No, I bloody won't. If you hadn't married her she wouldn't be dying now," Toshiro could not reign in the anger that he felt. Words he'd never intended to say were now coming from his mouth and he didn't care. At this moment he hated the man towering over him for his interference in his comfortable life. Sure Matsumoto made him do most of the work, but she made him laugh and cared for him. Heaven preserve him from a lieutenant like Nanao or Soi's lieutenant. Out of the two, he'd prefer Nanao. At least she had momentary phases when she seemed like a person who could see past some of the rigours of the Seireitei but he didn't like her.

The damage done to Matsumoto he had sensed earlier when he was with Soi was extensive and he wanted some answers. What could have prompted such savagery? Though he was repelled by Ichimaru it was hard to for him to accept that he'd assaulted his former lover with that much brutality. "How did she get so hurt? Who did that to her?" Toshiro had his suspicions, but he wanted facts.

"Who do you think? Aizen and Ichimaru. They hurt her. They were going to rape her while she was dying. Aizen, that scum bastard whoreson traitor, was going to rape her again," the words were wrung from the man as if he were unwilling to utter them. "They took her and harmed her and then they were going to force themselves into her." Zaraki's pain was evident and Toshiro saw the memory had saddened the man almost beyond bearing but the rage burned even higher. "Why didn't you keep her safe?" The man, mad with rage and blame yelled, squinting savagely at his 'brother' captain.

"You tried to get her moved to your Division. You told me she'd be safer with you. She wasn't," Toshiro screamed back at the man. Why did he have to bear this culpability when all of them had failed her? They had all watched, drunk or drugged or whatever. Only Yachiru had tried to help. Would the damn guilt ever fade? He was sure the man had said something important about Aizen and Matsumoto, but the emotional state he was in forced him to respond to the accusation. He'd work it out later.

His foe's shoulders sagged. "You think I don't know that?" Zaraki was circling him now, looking for an opening. His eyes had narrowed, but the pain he was feeling was clearly etched on his face.

Toshiro moved too trying to find a place where he could slip his blade through the guard and punish this arrogant bully. He had to keep him angry. Matsumoto's reiatsu faded again and he slashed at Zaraki who grunted in rage and aimed a blow which went wide.

"I've killed her twice over." Zaraki continued. It seemed a strange admission which almost smacked of self pity for all the anger in his voice and person. What was this? Give in to indulgent emotions day? If he started crying, Toshiro would have a fit of hysterics or a tantrum or he'd run screaming into the nearest sake house and stay there until he didn't feel anything or recall his name. That would be a comfortable place to be.

"Just listen to the crap you're uttering. You're full of it, aren't you Zaraki? Well, old man, that's my lieutenant you're dismissing and I won't accept her death or anyone else's. You shouldn't accept it either. The deaths stop here, now,' Toshiro yelled at the man rousing his worst fears that he was still trying to deny. The situation was suffocating and he wanted out of it.

"After she dies, what's it matter?" The voice was heavy and final. Had the stupid bastard already given up? He couldn't let him give up. He had to be furious and pumping out the spirit energy.

Toshiro stopped trying to look for an opening. "What in the name of hell are you doing? Do you want to fight or are you looking for an excuse to let me kill you? I don't want to discuss the meaning of life," he sneered. The man had to snap out of it. From fiercely angry to savagely depressed in less than 60 seconds? Was he trying for a record? "Has lust made you weak or stupid? Don't you want revenge?"

Zaraki's face hardened. "It's not just fucking lust, jackass. Yeah. I want to rip those damned traitors to small, festering chunks of fish food. I want to make the old man pay for not being up to the job. I want the Seireitei to pay for not caring enough about the people who serve. And you didn't freaking protect my wife," he said without raising his voice. The brooding evenness of the voice was even more threatening.

"Nor did you, or have you forgotten?" Toshiro taunted him in reply. All the anger he'd been feeling since he'd returned from the human world, anger at Soi, Yamamoto, Kiyone, Matsumoto, Zaraki, everyone, crystallised in this moment. He wanted his blade to gleefully slice through flesh and stop the normal rationalisation as he battled and tried to survive. If Soi hadn't infuriated him he'd still be sitting on the floor sunk in depression as he waited for his lieutenant to die. Had she goaded him into fury on purpose? "You're all talk, Zaraki. Matsumoto believed that you would protect her and save her and now you're coming apart piece by piece. What went first? Your balls or your guts?"

He was rewarded with an overwhelming flash of rage from the man standing opposite and was almost prepared for the quick movement as the man attacked. Toshiro was already in motion as Zaraki stabbed his sword at him.

"Hey, I thought you'd give me a chance to cut you first," he jeered as he felt sword miss him.

"You want charity, Hitsugaya? I'm not in the mood," Zaraki said and ran toward him, his sword held sideways across his body.

Toshiro judged his moment, leapt, using the blade of his opponents sword and then somersaulted over, ending up behind Zaraki. Unable to resist his impulse he kicked him connecting with the tendon behind his knee. "Too slow, old man. Too slow."

Zaraki stagged under the kick but quickly turned and faced Toshiro. "Good move. A fracking challenge at last after all the thick weaklings I've faced!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Toshiro saw Ikkaku and Yumichika standing in defensive poses as if ready to join in. "Leave him," he snarled with a need to warn them off. "Don't try to spoil my fun."

They glanced at each other, their hands tightening on the handles of their zanpakuto's and for a moment he thought they might actually ignore his orders. Unbelievingly he looked at them, astonished that they would ignore a direct command from a Captain and then remembered the way they had acted in the human world. They had been independent of him, often waving aside his suggestions as they stated, "We're under Captain Zaraki's orders. Take it up with him," before they went and did what they intended in the first place.

When he thought 'they', he mainly meant Ikkaku because he'd noticed a noticeable lack of Yumichika on many occasions. Once he'd asked Ikkaku where his friend was. Ikkaku had shrugged. "He's not always with me and he doesn't tell me everything." His eyes had flickered for a moment in confusion. It seemed that he would like to know the whereabouts of his friend.

But now, in the present, the astonishment in their faces only increased with the sound of Zaraki's ferocious laughter. "Don't interfere. Once I finish with him, I'll deal with both of you and demonstrate what bloodlust really is. Have you found the desire to kill at last, little Captain?"

The guy was talking crap and Toshiro resented it. "It was always there. Found the guts to believe your wife will survive, thug?" As he spoke he kicked hard at Zaraki's right shoulder.

Zaraki dodged to the left and with his fist punched at Toshiro's upper right chest connecting with a fierce blow. Toshiro found he was lifted off his feet and flying backwards until he hit the ground. Jumping to his feet he noticed he'd landed some distance and launched himself in the air, diving for Zaraki's head which he tried to kick in mid-air. His foot only connected with the ear, but is still rocked the larger Captain who had not expected the rapid reaction. Toshiro ended up once more behind the 11th Division Captain who spun around and landed a brutal kick on Toshiro's side just as he landed. Sprawling, he linked his foot under Zaraki's leg and caused him to lose balance, falling onto his knee.

Panting, they both spun and got to their feet as quickly as they could, facing each other once again. Rubbing his hand over his face he saw the large man smiling slightly. "You can dance as well as hit, kid."

"Hit? I thought you preferred slicing. I don't dance and I'm not a kid, old man." Toshiro noticed that some of the wounded were being surreptitiously moved from the battleground as he engaged Zaraki's attention.

"Good. We'll have more room to fight," he thought.

"Do you want to fight or have a conversation?" he asked, wanting to inflame the man further and deflect his attention. He was sick of talking. His recent verbal exchanges had produced more problems than solutions. The roar of blood in his ears was drowning out all that noise in his mind and made it easier to believe that Matsumoto could survive and the traitors defeated. The pounding even covered any thoughts of Soi.

"What do you think? Should I order some tea to go with the chat? Or would you like some finger sandwiches? Of course I fucking want to fight. Come on. Come close and see if you can cut me," Zaraki jibed back his face breaking into a reluctant but savage grin.

"Cut you?" Toshiro pretended to think about it and then began running full pelt at Zaraki who had seen what he was doing and he began to run as well. Their blades clashed as they met. The force nearly knocked Toshiro off his feet, but he bent his knees and dug his toes into the ground, forcing his body to stay forward against the weight of the other man, while the force of the blow flowed through his body.

Not giving him time to recover, Zaraki pulled his blade back and again aimed at Toshiro. Almost off balance from the sudden withdrawal of pressure and unwilling to take another full blow like that front on, he dodged slightly to one side and then slid back to his original position, watching amazed as Zaraki corrected his swing to follow the small changes of location. He had to bring his sword up with both hands, one clutching the blade to withstand the blow. Again his bones felt the tremor of the blow and he shuddered feeling his feet sink into the ground. He swayed and knew that another full strength blow would knock him to the ground.

"Shit, kid. Who taught you to fight? That's a fucking stupid defensive move. Could cut off your hand. You're using your katana like a moron instead of a fighter." The tone of Zaraki's voice surprised him. Instead of the anger and derision he'd heard until now, there seemed to be a trace of instruction, almost as if the man wanted to correct his bad habits.

The observation made his anger rise. He'd fought the Arrancar and defeated them. He'd graduated top of his class in weapons from the Academy and this man dared to tell him he was a bad fighter! Fuck, this loser couldn't even bankai and he was daring to criticise the youngest captain ever appointed in the Gotei 13. "What would you know? You're old and slow and believe any stupid lie you've been told."

"Which lie?" the words erupted from Zaraki as he cut at Toshiro's feet.

Toshiro seeing the angle of the swing managed to jump, just in time holding his blade protectively under his feet. As he anticipated, Zaraki angled the blade up and it would have cut upwards and between his legs, but the blow from the blade pushed him further in the air and he landed on a nearby roof, landing heavily and uncomfortably. He felt his knee adjust to the impact and knew that it was now weakened, but he couldn't show it. Later, when this was over he'd get it examined. "All the lies. The lies from Kurotsuchi; the lies from Ichimaru and Aizen; the lies you tell yourself. It's almost like you want Matsumoto to die. "

The reaction was unexpected. Zaraki stood still and didn't even look at him. Taking advantage of the lull, Toshiro rubbed his knee, trying to stimulate the blood flow to the shocked muscle. It wouldn't fix it, but anything could help if he had to rely on two legs to continue this conflict. Any moment he expected to find Zaraki facing off against him, trying to punish him for speaking the way he did.

"It's true," Zaraki sighed.

The feeling of disbelief washed over him at the quiet admission and he couldn't hide the astonishment. Which part was true? "Which part?" he asked before his rational mind could intercede.

"All of it. If she lives, I'll disappoint her and she'll reject me because I failed her. If she dies I have an excuse to give up."

There was a seconds silence and Toshiro found he was laughing. After the reaction of everyone, the man who had to most to lose was talking himself into believing it was the outcome he desired.

The dip in Matsumoto's spirit pressure awoke him to reality. He had to mock the man and goad him back into full fury instead of this stupid mood he'd sunk into.

"Been reading Shakespeare much?" he jeered at the 11th Division Captain only to be met by a blank look.

"Huh?" A power surge upward dragged Matsumoto's reiatsu above the plateau into which it had been easing.

"Trying to be the mournful Dane or the homicidal Scot?" Toshiro elucidated. Surely he should get it. The guy must have been reading some stuff about self deluded fools who either couldn't make up their minds, or decided they were responsible for every action around them. A bit like he'd been feeling before Soi had come and insulted him. Once again he wondered about that particular interchange, but an answer from the man standing on the ground distracted him.

"I have no fucking idea what you're talking about, Hitsugaya," Zaraki said, the questioning frown on his forehead deepening. "Why are we tossing words at each other when we could be fighting? I thought you would have tried bankai by now? You're doing a piss poor job of fighting me."

Toshiro almost staggered as the reiatsu urged around the man. Now he blocked it as he decided that it was distracting his attention from the fight and the action of provoking the man to anger. It had crossed his mind, especially in light of how physically strong the man was, added to his spirit pressure that he should use his bankai, but he wanted to distract the man as long as possible. Aside from that he was enjoying the contest. They guy was a good fighter and had some techniques he hadn't encountered. Why didn't Captains fight each other to learn how to improve their abilities? It seemed like a major oversight or the fact that Captains weren't encouraged to continue their training. But each of them held their abilities closely and hardly shared them, acting like it was a sign of dishonour that they needed to draw a weapon. The Gotei 13 were meant to be fighters, not dilettantes who sat around eating, drinking and being showered with flower petals. Some of the Captains who had survived the longest, regularly voiced their distaste for combat, but why was that? Was that one of the reasons some of the newer captains, like himself, Zaraki and Soi had been appointed? Because they had no fear of reaching for their weapons and using them as necessary?

There had been some mutterings that the old man had brought him in to be the eventual replacement as the leader of the Seireitei, but it could be any one of them: Soi, Zaraki or Toshiro. They had mostly abstained from the political games played by the other captains and had mainly kept within their Divisions, not forming any major alliances, until recently. Despite his intentions he was now allied with 2nd and 11th Divisions. And he was even forming ties with two of the longest serving captains. Was this intentional?

Anyway, it seemed unlikely that the Captain-General would willingly give up his power while all the events were swirling around them, occupying their time and dividing their forces. For a long time nothing new appeared to be happening, while underneath the surface the tensions were brewing, causing a tempest which overset the world and reformed it anew.

The time spent meditating this way almost caused his undoing. Zaraki had leapt on the roof and with a hard light in his eyes was observing Toshiro. "Your guard is full of holes and I could have cut you twenty different ways while you had your nap," the man told him.

"Then why didn't you?" Toshiro sneered back, not even slightly scared. The man was either playing with him and not intending to kill him, or he had another agenda. "You're like all the others. Full of words, not actions."

"Why didn't I kill you as you stood there like a stooge? Because the true test would be to fight against your bankai and win, what else? I know all the other crap eaters look down on me because I can't bankai, but what the fuck? I beat Tosen's bankai, which was the most brainless bankai I could damn well imagine. Sensory deprivation? Suited that mound of rectal tissue."

"I don't want to bankai, not this time. I'm only fighting you after all," Toshiro fired back. "I use it when I face a challenge."

The hiss of indrawn breath momentarily drew his attention to Zaraki's two friends. They were staring at each other as if they couldn't believe that Toshiro had dared to be unimpressed by their captain.

Amazingly, Zaraki laughed. "Want me to take off my eye-patch do you? Is that what this is all about? You know I didn't remove it for Tosen, but I did for Ichigo. Fancy yourself, don't you."

"At least I have a bankai, loser and I don't have to wear an eye patch because I'm so ugly that children cry when they see me," Toshiro was really scraping trying with the last insult.

"Your lieutenant, my wife likes me, no matter how I look," Zaraki said and then paused. "My beloved wife. Those animals touched her. They had her naked and bleeding and damaged. Every inch of her body is covered in bruises. Aizen was trying to look like me, but he looked like a freaking insane thug. She was hurting so badly." The memory affected him and once again his reiatsu pulsed with his fury, forcing him to act and Toshiro braced for the attack.

Zaraki feinted to the left, his coat sweeping behind him as he put the weight on his instep, obviously ready to use his speed to attack, but then stopped suddenly and turned his head slightly. It wasn't like he was listening to something, but sensing something that meant more to him than a battle.

Preparing his defence, the action nonplussed the 10th Division Captain. Was this another ruse to show him how he could be easily distracted by the actions of another and leaving himself open to an attack that would end in the spilling of blood and the shattering of bone? "Don't try that trick on me. I'm not that gullible," Toshiro said only to notice that the man wasn't listening to him.

Something had changed. There was a difference that he'd been blocking out of his consciousness until now. Fighting Zaraki had helped him focus on other than the thready, tenuous presence that indicated Matsumoto's continuing existence, but just slightly. Zaraki's reiatsu had continued to surge, pulling Matsumoto's with it, but now, and it was hardly noticeable, Matsumoto's reiatsu had strengthened. Not by much, but a little.

"The drug's kicked in at long bloody last. It's about frigging time," Zaraki said under his breath.

Toshiro was preparing to ask him what he meant when Soi suddenly appeared in front of them. "Captain Zaraki, Captain Unohana has requested that you return to 4th Division immediately. She has a theory that your presence may help your wife," she said without looking at Toshiro. He noticed that the lieutenant of 3rd Division was following Soi closely, looking as morose as always. Looking at the man was enough to bring anyone down. He only managed his company when he was with Matsumoto who would tease Izuru until he smiled and broke from his normal brooding. What was happening there? Why was he helping Soi deliver the message? It only required one person.

Despite his need, Toshiro gazed at Soi, hoping that it appeared a disinterested look. Seeing her suddenly like this again made him wonder what she was doing. Why she appeared to be directing matters so carefully. Why had she forced him to anger and then directed him to fight the 11th Division Captain? Why had she appeared here and now with this message that brought faint hope and a depressing companion?

All the same, the hope affected him like a long drink of sake. He felt light headed and positive, that perhaps this long day, this awful experience of feeling like he was on a death watch had passed. He wanted to laugh, kiss Soi and make Izuru laugh.

Due to the inebriated feeling he made rash decisions, determined to act on them as soon as possible. He'd try once more with Soi. He'd give her time to get over what ever was irritating her and then he'd approach her once more. Once he explained that he didn't want to marry Momo, maybe they'd have a chance to talk to each other. If Matsumoto survived it proved that miracles could happen and it might indicate he had a chance with Soi. She was the person sent to advise Zaraki, she'd urged Toshiro to fight him; maybe she wasn't as indifferent as she acted.

Zaraki's face had changed. The dark despair gave way to hope and without meaning to, affected by the euphoria of the infusion of hope, Toshiro said something to the man, very quietly, all the while knowing it was a mistake and far too revealing, but he felt the need to celebrate Matsumoto's recovery by voicing a stupid hope to the man.

Nodding toward Soi he whispered, "Make me a promise. Our kids will play together when they're old enough."

Zaraki cast a quick glance at Soi who had turned and was leaving a look of dawning comprehension on his face. "What? You and her? Fuck. I'd never guess it."

"Nor does she and it probably won't happen," Toshiro knew it now, but for some reason he stubbornly kept hoping. "Don't tell anyone."

"Who'd believe me? I'm not interested in other people's fucking problems. I've got to get to Matsumoto, now. I can't see why you chose her, but it'll be hard, bloody hard. Make sure you invite me to the wedding," Zaraki said with his mouth curved in an unbelieving smile then he turned and ran, faster than Toshiro could remember seeing. He almost blurred as he vanished from sight in the direction of 4th Division, anticipation on his face as he went to provide support and whatever else he could to his wife, leaving Toshiro gazing after him feeling a mixture of jealousy and relief.

* * *

A.N.

'Given Up' Linkin Park

'Matches, Don't Play!!!' Ali Shaheed Muhammad

'All Alone' Gorillaz

Finished it, within the week. A fight scene. Yeah! Gee, they're so rare in Bleach these days.

'Given Up' was a big inspiration for this chapter.

Review. I like reviews.


	26. Love Unrewarded

**Love Unrewarded**

For some reason she didn't understand, Kira had followed her from the 4th Division. His friendship with both Momo and Matsumoto was well known to everyone and she wondered why he wasn't spending time with them or Hisagi, or with his Division, or with anyone except her. Maybe with someone who gave a damn? She'd hoped her words would have given him enough impetus to leave her and go back to his Division and do something useful, but instead he was hanging around her and she didn't want his company. She wanted to deliver her message and then spend time thinking, without any interruption.

"Renji and Rukia have left the Seireitei," he told her almost conversationally.

She shrugged. They were engaged; they'd left the Seireitei; they were sky diving over the Serengeti. What did it matter to her? Neither was under her command and she wasn't friends with either of them. How could the absence of two unstable people affect her?

"They've gone to help that substitute Shinigami, Ichigo. They ignored the Captain General's orders," Kira persisted. He seemed determined that she should show some kind of interest.

"So?" What did he want her to say? It was about time that someone ignored that man? Ichigo was an idiot and so was the Captain General.

"They didn't ask me," he sounded petulant. "Renji's my friend and he didn't ask if I wanted to go. No one asked me if I wanted to go on the mission to the human world, either. I know it's because I'm a failure."

"Renji's not engaged to you and he might want to spend some time, alone, with Rukia," Soi pointed out, wondering why she was explaining the bleeding obvious. "And Captain Hitsugaya had to choose those officers he thought knew Ichigo best. He probably didn't choose you because he thought you should stay and try to stabilise your Division" Now she was defending Toshiro for an event that had happened, for all that it seemed so long ago, but was only a matter of weeks. She bit her lip angrily and hoped Kira would shut up. If he didn't, she'd convince him that a closed mouth was in his best interest.

Kira flushed slightly at her words and hung his head, but he continued to follow her. The hangdog expression didn't endear him to her, or to anyone. If he tried to stop looking so agonised al the time, maybe she would have more sympathy for him, but instead he embraced his negative feelings and seemed to enjoy the accompanying depression. Was it a bid to gain sympathy, because it was wearing out, fast. Other lieutenant's had lost their captains and they just got on with it. Well, Hisagi got on with it. Now she thought of it, Kira was behaving marginally better than Momo. Despite their grades from the Academy, it had been a mistake to appoint them to their positions. Neither had the skills for leadership, nor even handling the complications that occurred when emotions were at war within them. Then she remembered who had been instrumental in gaining them their appointments. Aizen had chosen too well.

Increasing her speed didn't dissuade him from following her and they were quickly approaching the spirit pressure that was making her nausea increase by the moment. Even her mental barriers were having trouble blocking it out but she could feel Toshiro was there and even though she was still furious with him, she was drawn to find out how he was faring against the larger, and potentially lethal, Captain.

Arriving when Toshiro was fighting Zaraki made Soi pause for a moment to watch the battle and compare the styles. Were they fighting or talking, because it seemed more words were being said than anything else. The insults flowed back and forth, but she sensed a certain amount of grudging respect growing between the men. Classic male behaviour! Bonding through the evidence of their fighting ability; as if it were important. Maybe they'd compare the size of their blades next, or swap anecdotes about their toughest opponent, or whatever inane activity men undertook as part of their archaic ritual.

When their blades did meet she noticed that Toshiro had to use moves that managed to counterbalance the greater weight and strength of the 11th Division Captain. He used his greater flexibility and speed, but even so, Kenpachi's speed almost matched his own. The agility was the thing that saved him, plus a number of unexpected moves. Watching the two men fight made her almost long to join in battle against an adequate opponent. On some occasions a good fight was better than a good meal.

All the same, she'd never seen Toshiro act so forcefully before. It was a side of him that she thought existed, but here was the evidence of the inner strength that he rarely showed to her. Only when she'd managed to get some reaction from him did he respond like this. And he was standing up to Kenpachi, just as she'd hoped he would. If she gave into her desire she would continue to watch, but she knew she had to interrupt.

Toshiro looked startled when she began to speak, but she didn't even glance in his direction. "Captain Zaraki, Captain Unohana has requested that you return to 4th Division, immediately. She has a theory that your presence may help your wife."

Out of the corner of her eye she observed Toshiro. He gazed at her and then his glance flickered to Kira and back to her. Was he wondering why Kira was with her? Did it matter? The man had insulted her and she wouldn't acknowledge him. Let him wonder about Kira. All those soft thoughts and caring images that had passed through her mind were burnt away by seeing him again. She could still remember his sneer and once more stung at the memory of his words as he left her. But something had altered. As she spoke she felt his reiatsu spike with an almost tangible excitement. That was possibly because he had gained hope that his lieutenant might survive and he'd been taking pleasure in the fight.

Until now she had not been certain, but she sensed Toshiro did love Rangiku, for whatever reason, but a love she had trouble recognising. She remembered her siblings, but at a distance, and she imagined she loved them. His emotion was more akin to that feeling than any romantic attachment. It no longer surprised her that he had taken exception when she had insulted the woman. If anyone had insulted Yoruichi the way she had insulted his friend she would have leapt to her defence immediately. All the same, Toshiro had been crudely offensive to her only recently and the words had left raw places on her mind, which were only further aggravated by seeing the man.

Turning her attention to Kenpachi she noticed a marked change. The man was almost smiling in relief and looked at her with less than the disdain he had shown in their last few meetings. Then Toshiro leant toward him, nodded at Soi and whispered something to him. What could he be saying? She felt a momentary interest, but decided, after their most recent encounter, it would have to be some insulting observation. She glared at Toshiro, wishing she could strike out at the man and demonstrate to him the displeasure she felt. Bananas! She turned to leave in disgust.

She heard a low rumble of words from Kenpachi but couldn't catch the sense of them. They were talking about her, of that she was sure, and she resented that she was the topic of a conversation between these men. Then Toshiro said something else and she caught the word wedding from the muttered conversation. That dog was probably asking Zaraki to attend his wedding to that twit Momo because she was such good friends with his wife. That was fine with her. It didn't matter to her what Tos… Captain Hitsugaya chose to do in his private life.

Except there was still the matter of the baby.

The 11th Division Captain ran off with impressive speed and Toshiro watched him with an unreadable expression on his face.

The abrupt cessation of the incredible spirit pressure caused a buzzing in her ears and she wavered on her feet only to find Kira's arm behind her supporting her. She almost pushed him aside, but realised the support was necessary. Once again she had skimped on her intake of food and all the activity had drained her reserves of strength. She didn't miss the flash of amazement in Toshiro's eyes as she failed to reprimand Kira for touching her. For a second she even leant into his body, not wanting the contact, but wanting to show Toshiro that she didn't care what he thought. She actually found Kira's touch slightly repellent. His skin was cool, but not unpleasantly so, but she didn't want him to touch her. It reminded her how she had so often eschewed physical contact because on the whole she found it disagreeable, except when the person was Yoruichi or...

"Lieutenant Izuru, can I assist you is some way?" Toshiro had assumed his full Captain's demeanour, the one that made people think he held a grudge against the world and despised everyone within it for being inferior or tedious.

"No, Sir. I was supporting Captain Fong in delivering a message," Kira sounded unsure of himself.

"I'm sure you have other matters to consume your attention," Toshiro's abrupt reply was a command to leave.

Kira accepted the command like an obedient lieutenant and without the slightest hint of anger or resentment he bowed to Soi and left.

"Captain Fong," Toshiro said and bowed to her sharply. The ice in his voice almost froze her.

"Captain Hitsugaya," her bow was abbreviated. What his problem was did not concern her but she found she was stumbling into speech, explaining. "Lieutenant Izuru assisted me in taking Lieutenant Ise to 4th Division after she…" then she paused. What could she say? Nanao was crazy? She'd developed a fixation on things that hadn't happened? The insanity that had always been evident was finally surfacing. How many people were showing behavioural abnormalities since the traitors had left, or even before?

She didn't want to think about this too deeply. Otherwise she might find she was being taken to 4th Division for her own protection. Or was it that before now she hadn't taken any interest in how other people acted and reacted? Maybe they had all been this strange before hand but she hadn't noticed being caught up with her own emotional conflicts. At first being so passionately devoted to Yoruichi had made her blind to other people and then her grief had protected her. It was a strange idea, that grief had provided protection, but having to consider other people, think about their motivations and needs meant you had to think of them as not being objects which moved at her direction. Toshiro had proven to be independent and followed his own direction. Was it any wonder she had kept close to her own Division where no one questioned her judgment or orders? In exercising control over others, it was easy to pretend that this control extended to all factors in her life. It was simple to keep her pride intact, hold her honour without fear and function within the tight confines of her life.

'Lieutenant Ise has psychological problems," she said bluntly. Why change the way she normally acted? Rumours would spread soon no matter what she said now.

"It is none of my concern Captain Fong, as you would normally be eager to inform me. If you'll excuse me, I must make my way to 4th Division to see how my lieutenant is faring," his voice was a mixture of bitterness and hope. All the excitement she had sensed in him had fled.

"She isn't dead," Soi said without thinking.

"Thank you. I don't think I could have guessed if you hadn't explained it so clearly, Captain Fong," the sarcasm dripped from Toshiro's words making the insult more vicious. He refused to meet her eyes, his fixed over her right shoulder as he spoke to her.

"Oh, stuff you, Toshiro. Go and hold Momo's hand while your lieutenant really suffers. Why anyone is still pandering to Aizen's former pet, I don't know." This time she knew what she was saying and gloried in saying the words aloud. Her ironic inflexion on Momo's name could not be misinterpreted and she saw Toshiro flinch at her words. Squaring her shoulders she prepared for the verbal battle which she expected to follow. Even after the last bitter experience of word exchange it was at least communication. While they insulted each other he was aware of her existence and had to pay at least some small attention to her.

Toshiro turned and left without one more word or glance. Soi was left to ponder his departure with her mind trying to work out what had gone wrong. Normally her words would have drawn some form of response, even if it was painful. Being ignored, hurt and diminished her, making her wonder if she was visible and audible.

Even before her barely formed thought of following him, demanding a response, was halfway developed, she rejected it. It would be better to wait for the recovery or demise of his lieutenant before she approached him again. The fact that he had fought Kenpachi at her behest meant something, and probably assisted him in working off some of the fears and tension, but next time they spoke, she wanted his full attention.

She was going to tell him about the child.

Or not.

He couldn't marry Momo while Soi carried his child, unless she was prepared to pretend another man had fathered the child.

Toshiro wouldn't believe that, would he? He could count.

Yet, he had regarded Kira with a rather formidable expression. Would he be persuaded that Kira was the father? Without meaning to, Soi giggled. She'd have trouble believing that Kira was the father. It was even more difficult to imagine allowing him to touch her, or desiring his touch. Unless he didn't care at all, Toshiro wouldn't believe that story.

If Toshiro asked her who the father was, she'd deny everything. If anyone asked, aside from Retsu, she would look innocent and protest that she had no idea who the sperm donor was. But once the baby was born, it would probably be impossible to conceal the parentage of the child, if it bore any resemblance to the father.

She didn't want that. That would forge a bond between Toshiro and her and that was not to be accepted. Rather than make it easy, she could approach her family and ask them to arrange a speedy marriage to cover the shame she would bring to the family name. Safely married, none would have the courage to question the ancestry of the child, if her husband could be convinced to keep her secret. But then she would be stuck in a marriage with a man she didn't know, unless she pretended she was married and her husband died suddenly. On the night of the wedding? Was anyone gullible enough to believe that? It was too convenient, but would anyone care?

She exhaled the breath she had not been aware she was holding. None of these ideas was going to work. If Toshiro was dead, then he wouldn't be able to guess that he had fathered her child and would not ask difficult questions. She could instruct some of her minions to execute him on some made up evidence. Or it could be staged to look like an accident. It was a pity Kenpachi hadn't killed him when they were fighting.

Her thoughts were completely in awry. She would return to her office and try to sort through everything, try to plan. When Yoruichi had left she had learnt to rely on her own initiative to plan and she would treat this like a campaign. There were key elements of which she was aware and using those it would be possible to work through the options that yielded the least amount of benefit. Her orders would be clear, that she would not be disturbed under any circumstances and during that space of time she might find the external peace to conjure up the internal peace that had deserted her since she started the foolish affair with Toshiro.

As she turned toward her Division, eager now to find a solution, a blur of movement resolved itself into a kneeling human form, offering a scroll of paper. With a feeling of trepidation she took the proffered paper and nodded briefly to dismiss the carrier. This note appearing so soon after the recent confrontation could not convey anything she wanted to read. The messenger was one of the ones used by all Divisions, but Toshiro might have used one of those so she would feel obliged to accept the message which she would not if she had been from 10th Division.

Unwillingly she unrolled the paper and her eyes briefly scanned to writing contained within.

"Captain Fong, your presence is required at 13th Division at noon tomorrow. Captain Kuchiki has reluctantly agreed to discuss wedding plans and I require you as a witness. Yours sincerely, Ukitake."

She blinked and read it again. The words did not change; the message remained clear and essentially the same the second time she scanned the paper. Why was she required? It made no sense. What could she contribute to the planning of a wedding? Her interest in weddings was not high, nor did she wish to become further involved with a marriage purely based on the factor of an unexpected pregnancy. Even if Captain Kuchiki had agreed to the marriage, she didn't wish to publicise her part in the discovery of the relationship.

Thinking about it, without really concentrating on the matter, she found that she had walked quickly and was now outside her office. She folded the paper making a small square package in her hand, rather than the more distinctive scroll. Unobservant as her lieutenant was, he was often curious at inconvenient times and she had found him opening personal mail on more than one occasion. His bland, startled look as she grabbed the papers from his hand had annoyed her. Each time she had pointed out the indicators that the mail was personal, the large print: 'Private', "Confidential', 'To be opened by addressee only', 'Personal', 'Top Secret' or other indication and each time he had pled ignorance.

As she was a person who treasured her privacy she found the behaviour unbearable, even if the letters were all related to her position as Commander of the Special Corps. Her secrets, until recently, were few, but there were matters she didn't want generally known. Also, she often received orders that were meant to be extremely confidential. The man was not known for his trustworthy nature and she often felt that if he found out anything it would be around the Seireitei within a matter of hours. After one near disastrous situation where this had happened, most messengers knew to deliver orders directly into her hands, but on occasions something less important made its way to her office.

Every day for over a month, Soi had tried to impress on Oomaeda the importance that her mail be unopened. Persevering was hard, but she didn't give up.

Then she had decided to test if her reinforcement had borne some benefit. She had written all the words that would indicate it was only to be opened and read by the 2nd Division Captain in extremely large writing all over the envelope. Surreptitiously she had watched her lieutenant when the letter was delivered with a number of other communications. Without even looking at the other letters, the beefy hand had reached for the envelope with the warnings on it and she watched as he opened and read the note inside.

She had written the note in a fit of anger. It blasted the lieutenant, spelling out how he had ignored all the warnings that this letter was not addressed to him and that he should not be reading it. His expression had not changed, his eyes had not flickered and he read it carefully to the end.

Her patience wore out the second time he was reading through the letter and to make him acknowledge the message she approached, ready to add a verbal backup to her written accusations and anger.

"It's a good thing I opened this letter," her lieutenant told her as soon as she approached his desk. "It was meant for me, after all, despite all the warnings you've given me," he told her, complacently.

She stood there, her mouth opened. All the words, the lecture she had prepared had dried up at the effrontery of the man. She swallowed hard and then, her spine straight, her dignity worn as a cloak she decided to be as blunt as she could. "Next time you open a personal letter to me, I will remove your left hand. If you repeat the offence it will be your left eye. I am serious, Oomaeda."

She said nothing more, but stood there watching the fat fool. At first he seemed prepared to argue with her, but as he looked at her his face changed and fear appeared in his eyes.

"I am from a noble family. I cannot be treated in that manner," he began as his face turned magenta from a sudden influx of blood.

"You are under my command and I can punish you as I see fit. Remember, I do not answer to Captain Yamamoto where it comes to discipline within my Division. I control the Maggots Nest and I could incarcerate you there if you displease me," she did not waver. There was no element of threat in her voice or in her words. A simple statement of consequences for actions could not be seen as a threat.

The flare of red faded from his face and he gulped. Without waiting to see if he had anything further to say, she had returned to her office, shutting the door firmly behind her. That had been last week, before he started showing the extra attention. If fear had caused a positive result, then she was more than pleased to reap the benefits.

Entering her office she nodded curtly at her lieutenant and made her way into her sanctum, closing the door firmly behind her. Seating herself behind the desk she looked through the papers, noting a few requests that were still outstanding. Most of the reports she ignored as her attention drifted, returning to the one thing that concerned her most. What she should do about the baby and Toshiro? The Shinigami uniform would conceal the pregnancy for a little time, but there would come a time when it would be impossible to hide the growing child. She wished she could ask Retsu how she planned to handle that matter, but maybe she didn't care. After all, she was uncontested as a Captain and had the old man's respect. Soi still didn't feel comfortable around the man.

It still wasn't too late to change her mind about the child.

Except, she didn't want to change her mind. Toshiro was the father and even though she would prefer to rip her tongue out of her mouth than admit it aloud, she loved him, or thought she did, or maybe she was deluding herself. The other time she had felt like this, she had only been hurt. Opening herself to the possibility of experiencing the resulting pain when her love was rejected, as it would be, would be the work of an idiot. Soi was not an idiot.

A fresh and spicy scent tickled her nostrils and she looked around the room to see what caused the scent. A bunch of flowers was on the desk, on top of the papers she had briefly perused. Abstracted, as she had been, she must have picked them up and placed them to one side without noticing. Looking at the flowers, she frowned.

"Who would have sent me flowers? Toshiro? Not after our last few discussions," she spoke aloud as she vainly searched her mind for another possible donor. Her heart sped up, a little fluctuation as she again denied that Toshiro could have sent her any flowers. If he had, she might have a possible solution. All the explanations would be painful, but if he was willing to compromise, she might be able to do so.

Picking up the flowers, she ignored the individual stems that made up the bunch and instead looked to see if there was a note. A piece of paper stuck out from between the flowers and with fingers that trembled slightly, she took it and unfolded it.

"From a secret admirer."

Those four words written on the paper did not help at all. She stared at the writing, trying to remember if Toshiro formed his characters that way. The writing was familiar; she had seen it before, but when?

Her lieutenant might know who had delivered the flowers and as much as she didn't want to talk to the man she went to the door to call him in. As she opened the door, she noticed he was standing there, a mazed expression on his face as his hand was raised as if preparing to knock.

'Come in," Soi invited. Hopefully his business would not take long and then she could ask about the flowers.

She retreated behind the desk, placing the flowers she was still clutching, to one side.

"May I sit, Commander?"

Astonished, she raised her eyes to look at the man. He had asked, instead of assuming it was permitted. Maybe her many discussions had finally worked and he was now taking his role seriously. "Yes," was her brief reply.

Oomaeda sat, his bulk causing the chair to creak slightly as he arranged himself comfortably. "Thank you for permitting me to have some of your time," he said ponderously. "I believe this matter is important and I have considered approaching you for some time, but it seems appropriate that I do so at this time. There is a precedent now set and while we are in a period fraught with difficulty and uncertainty, I feel that to delay would be unwise. A brave man takes action when it is necessary, despite any harm that may result."

Soi nodded wondering what the man was babbling about.

"My family, as you know, is of the nobility. We hold a position of some importance within Soul Society," Oomaeda said impressively.

Soi cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow. Why was he mentioning his family now? What was the man talking about? He seemed to expect a response so she nodded curtly.

"It is the duty of every member of the nobility to ensure that their family is served by their actions. Our family is judged by every member and their contribution," he continued.

Did this mean the man wished to resign his commission within 2nd Division? He was needed by his family and wished to retire to devote his time to the family business and heritage. She could only hope and tried to keep the smile that threatened to curve the edges of her mouth.

He noted the smile and smiled at her in return. "I believe you begin to understand. I have consulted with the head of my family and all the senior members on this matter, wishing to gain their approval before I spoke to you on this topic. We debated the many factors, considering age, background and any obstacles. We consulted fortune tellers and donated sums of money to many temples for auspicious omens."

The longer he spoke the more assured Soi was that the man was about to provide her with a vacancy in her ranks. Quickly she began to consider candidates to fill his position. This time she would appoint her second in command and it would not be an idle noble whose opinion of himself and his family made all else inconsequential. She began to relax slightly. This could work. She would hesitate only briefly before she accepted his resignation, if only for the sake of appearing to consider the matter.

"In the time we have worked together we have formed an alliance," were the next words spoken by her lieutenant.

Soi maintained her expression though she felt a desire to give a derisive snort. It was a face saving statement, preparatory she was certain, so that he could offer her his support once he had retired from 2nd Division.

"While we have on occasions not agreed, we have worked together."

Or he did nothing while she organised all the work while he expressed his opposition to her plans.

"And the Division has stabilised after the disastrous desertion by the former commander. I pride myself that I was instrumental in that."

She seethed at his words, but said nothing, hoping that he was nearly finished.

"It is due to this history that I feel that my decision is the correct one. There were many choices I could have made, but each choice made me uncertain that the result would be satisfactory. If the choice was only my preference I would not have hesitated for a moment. It pleases me that I could obtain consensus from all concerned that my wants were also met by the needs of the family. I spent sleepless nights thinking matters over, preparing for this moment."

"Get on with it," Soi thought. She had let him talk without interrupting in the hope that he would quickly reach the conclusion. Impatiently her foot began to tap under the desk as she surreptitiously examined her nails.

"It is a hard decision to make, as I am sure you will agree. You are possibly anticipating what I will say next, but indulge me, if you will. Now the moment has come I find it hard to say the words."

The man was now flushing and had removed a cloth from his sleeve and wiped his face where sweat had blossomed profusely as he spoke. Soi shivered with revulsion as his cheeks and chin wobbled after he had wiped them.

"Instead I will provide a brief history," he said.

Soi wanted to spring over the table and strangle the man while beating his thick head against the floor. What had he been talking about before if it wasn't a history of how he had made the decision? Was this man preparing for a new Olympic event? Was the category of boring a person to death a new sport?

"Before the party went to the human world, after the traitors had thrown the Seireitei into an uproar, I began to dream at night, vivid dreams," his voice had changed. She didn't like the new note that was shaping it.

"My family had already approached me at this time, urging me to action, and I began to believe the dreams were prophetic. The dreams were pointing me toward my future," the voice was becoming more fervid.

Was there such a thing as a born again dream interpreter? Where was he going with this and did he plan to arrive soon or was this the extended remix?

"I dreamt of you, Captain Fong."

The words ran through Soi's mind like a current of electricity. She had heard someone else say those words to her only recently and under very different circumstances. Her mouth became slightly dry and she swallowed, hard. Before he said anything else, she would have to interrupt, to prevent him from saying the words she now began to think he might say.

Before she could open her mouth, the man continued on, his eyes fixed earnestly on hers. "I'm glad I dreamt of you. I like you Captain Fong. Soi."

Fuck. Had he really said that? Had he really repeated the words that Toshiro had said to her when she had sex with him while he was asleep? Had Toshiro told him? Had Toshiro been asleep? Did everyone know now? If her lieutenant knew, then soon everyone would know, possibly in detail. Heat began to rise in her cheeks, momentarily distracting her from the next words.

"While I am aware that my family lineage might daunt you, I assure you my family is prepared to overlook it and accept you as my wife. They approved of my token of affection," he said indicating the flowers, "and they expect our courtship will be of the normal duration." The man was kneeling beside her and was now asking her the unthinkable question.

"Please, marry me, Soi." The words while sounding like a request, were uttered with all the confidence of a man expecting an affirmative answer.

"No fucking way," Soi said pushing her chair back as far as she could and getting to her feet.

She wanted to get out of there, fast. This day was making less sense as it went on and a marriage proposal from her lieutenant was the last thing she had expected, or wanted.

"But you gave me all the signs. Talking to me. Insisting on your privacy, which was a code that you expected me to allow you space within our relationship after we married. You've spent more time with me in the last few months than you have for years. You even thanked me, once. You've shared food with me, taking it from my hands. You've even begun to wear perfume, the sweet depth of sandalwood mixed with subtle cinnamon and nutmeg that I like dusted on my pastries. It was a message to me."

Rubbing her ears wouldn't help. Oomeda had said those words. The scent she wore was one that she had found in a drawer and decided to wear for herself and maybe Toshiro. Retsu had commented that she liked the smell and Soi did also.

"Get out of here, you fat fool. Me, marry you? Never. Never! Get out and take a months leave. I don't want to see your smirking. flabby features here for thirty days," she commanded as vehemently as she could.

"You're shocked with the honour of my attentions. I understand. I have come to know your codes. You want me to ask you again once I've permitted you to have a month to come to terms with the great honour," Oomeda gabbled and then, noticing the expression on Soi's face, he got up and jogged out of the room, as fast as his feet could carry him.

"If I see you before 30 days are up I will kill you," Soi said fiercely to his retreating back. "Please, give me the excuse."

* * *

A.N.

I forgot to thank Envymagic for the assistance in writing the fight scene in Chapter 25. The advice was invaluable. Hell, to be honest without your input, it would have been rubbish. And thanks for your offers of future assistance.

Soundtrack

'My Own Worst Enemy' Lit

'Goody Two Shoes' Adam Ant

'Broken Bones' Love Inc

'Your Girl' Blue States

Oh, yeah. Thanks to the people who actually bothered to review.

Review. I like reviews.


	27. Friend Recovered

_Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I am not Tite Kubo. I do not own Bleach or the characters. I do not own the Seireitei. I do own a Hitsugaya key chain._

**Friend Recovered**

"Damn, now someone else knows. But Kenpachi won't say anything. He'll forget because if Matsumoto recovers he'll be too intent on her to think about other people. Hell, I'd be surprised if he can think of anything but getting her into bed," realising the way his mind was running he felt his face go red. The man's apparent insatiable need for sex must be making him think that way.

But why had he confided in the man he'd been fighting rather than Shunsui or anyone else? He'd been completely overcome by the endorphins kicking into his bloodstream. That was a possible explanation. At least it made it impossible to back out. Now Zaraki knew he'd have to talk to Soi and try to mend things between them. He'd give her the black cat and chocolates. Maybe some fruit as well. Women liked fruit. Bananas were a novelty here….

Then he stopped, standing still. Remembering what he'd last said to her in the fit of fury, maybe he shouldn't even try. Fruit was definitely not a present to offer to Soi, especially bananas. She'd probably return it, personally, and that could prove embarrassing especially if she followed any of his suggestions. Or worse, she'd take it as a further insult and swear revenge or send an execution squad to end his life. And black cats would remind her of Yoruichi. To send that statuette would only provoke her further.

When would he stop making mistakes? Or when would he do something in the vicinity of Soi that wasn't a mistake? It had been a shock to see her, especially in the company of Izuru. Seeing her after the angry words and hot, furious sex made him aroused and discomfited at his reaction. Even though they had both been enraged, the sex had been good; great even. Neither of them had even considered being gentle and it had made the experience uninhibited and full of passion. He wanted sex like that, with the passion but without the pain and hate.

Why had Izuru been with Soi? How long had they known each other? Why did she let him embrace her? Was it meant to taunt him? Was she bringing her new lover to show that she didn't care? But Izuru hadn't acted much like a lover. If Toshiro had been in the same situation he would have held onto Soi and not let her go, as he had let her go all the other times. He would have nuzzled his face into the back of her neck, grazing the soft skin with his lips as his arms tightened around her, holding her tightly so he could imprint the shape of her body on his.

The shock had made it difficult to talk. The shock of admitting his plans to Zaraki and seeing Soi with Izuru in addition with the hope, the dreadful, shattering hope that Matsumoto would survive had caused the problems with communication. That hope hurt more than all the despair he'd been experiencing because it was as fragile as a snowflake; delicate radiating crystals that could be shattered by the heat of a breath. That was how he viewed the life of his lieutenant at present. Anything, a sudden increase of temperature could have devastating effects.

He had to face the fact that he'd lost it. Not only did he want to marry Soi, he wanted to have children with her. Children that would combine their strengths and play with Matsumoto's and Zaraki's children. A frown passed over his face at the thought. What would that combination of genes produce? Even though he loved Matsumoto he knew she was lazy, hedonistic, with occasionally questionable morals and a lax attitude to work. As for her husband. Without warning he was presented with a vision of their child. A lazy, bloodthirsty killer who smiled sleepily, holding a jug of sake in one hand while casually destroying opponents with the other. Constantly in trouble for doing or not doing something, whilst pushing the boundaries. Would he really want his children playing with that progeny? The bad habits they might learn!

Those children would be so different to any he and Soi would have, physically as well. Zaraki was huge and Matsumoto dwarfed Soi, so their children would be much bigger than his and Soi's. The poor things would be bullied, constantly. He'd have to watch them carefully to make sure that his son didn't end up doing things because Zaraki's thug of a son insisted he do so. Or his thug of a daughter. What if his son married Zaraki's daughter? It could be worse. His daughter marrying Zaraki's son. The girl wouldn't have a chance. She'd never be allowed out of the house. No, he'd prevent any marriage between the families, if he could.

This was speculation. It didn't mean anything. He tried to drag his mind to a more sensible route but wondering about the training roster didn't inspire him as he walked toward 4th Division. If he let his mind free it began to worry at the thought of Matsumoto dying, because while it seemed her reiatsu was a little more stable, it still dipped and soared.

Inevitably his mind slipped back into the strange contemplation of children.

Did he want children if they had Matsumoto and Zaraki's brats as companions? But even if he managed to make Soi fall in love with him and marry him, there was no guarantee she'd want to have children and it might take time before they began to produce a family. Otherwise his children might be playing with Momo and Aizen's offspring. He suppressed a shudder at the thought the inherited abilities of that child. Or there was the child of Kuchiki and Kiyone. Both were extremely competitive and his cool intelligence coupled with her sense of fun might prove to be interesting. But Kiyone could be extremely childish and the Captain was often unyielding and impervious to new ideas. What if it inherited the worst traits of each parent? An unyielding, practical joker? A child whose sense of honour was only outweighed by a sense of competition. Constantly trying to prove he, or she, was more honourable. Perfect to head the noble Kuchiki clan, but not much of a companion for a child to befriend.

Again he cursed his mind for drawing him down this path. It wouldn't happen, or at least not for a considerable period of time. If he managed to convince Soi that she loved him and then persuaded her to marry him, he'd suggest that they delay having children. Until he felt ready; which might be never. But he'd promised Zaraki. Knowing that man, he'd keep his wife pregnant as proof of his potency.

Toshiro felt the blood drain from his face at the thought of an unlimited number of children sired by the 11th Division Captain and his lieutenant. Surely they would show some moderation. They wouldn't just breed, would they?

Feeling very uncomfortable, he decided not to think about that again. He wanted his lieutenant to recover before anything else and he was mapping out a future that might never happen. His major problem was how to make Soi fall in love with him. He loved her; he was through with lying about that. She infuriated, frustrated, intrigued, fascinated and scared him and that was part of her allure. Momo was predictable. She would always get her crazes and new loyalties that would blind her to reason and sense. While he thought he'd loved her, he found her obsessions tedious. The girl had never grown out of needing to rely upon others, but she was his friend. And her inexplicable crushes were annoying.

When he was with Soi, it was never certain whether she was preparing to kiss or kill him. And he liked her sharp intelligence, the way she normally negotiated the difficult obstacles of being a captain. Recently her interaction with Zaraki had indicated that she would make tactical errors, but then recover from her mistakes and almost return the relationship back to a cool and even distance.

Momo would blunder on, oblivious to how she might offend other people with her words and actions, as long as she managed to get her own way. Soi had an inner strength, Momo possessed an internal weakness and she was selfish in a way that made Soi look generous. As long as Momo managed to obtain her outcome, she was satisfied, even if it cost others dearly. In addition, her inability to accept Aizen's betrayal worried him. It didn't seem normal.

Clenching his teeth he remembered the promise he'd made to himself. He was still not free of it. If Matsumoto survived he would ask her if she thought he should ask Momo to marry him. Honour demanded he obtain her agreement if he was to make the offer or not and while he only wanted to marry Soi, his pride demanded that he keep to the original plan. Matsumoto was friends with Momo and understood her. If she died he would take it as an indication that he had to make the suggestion to Momo. After having experienced wild sex with Soi, he knew that wouldn't happen with Momo. He didn't see Momo participating with such abandon with him. Nor would he want her to.

The thought of sex with Momo made his cock shrink. All those half born fantasies of pleasuring her had died in the hot reality of fucking Soi. It would be like he was fucking his sister and the thought of breaking that taboo didn't attract him, especially with a former bed wetter. As soon a Zaraki had become involved with his lieutenant he'd happily discarded any fantasies he'd had about Matsumoto, knowing that the 11th Division Captain would probably rip his head off if he knew about them. He'd been told it was normal for men to fantasise about attractive women and before he'd formed the liaison with Soi, he'd mentally pleasured most of the female population of the Seireitei. Strangely, at that time, he hadn't included Soi and he never planned to act on any of his fantasies. The number of women in the Seireitei that he included in his fantasies had decreased, only to be replaced by images of women he'd seen in the human world, but the reality was better than the made up imaginings.

The story about the drunken seated officer who had offered to kiss Matsumoto in front of his Captain had gone the rounds. The consensus was that if Zaraki hadn't been holding his wife and had probably just fucked her, the man would have been reduced to a messy red streak on the ground. Marriage had gentled the man, somewhat, or maybe he didn't want to let go of what he was holding. It was general knowledge how long they had spent in the bathhouse together, the hours they'd spent alone before the ill fated party. No one believed they'd spent the time sleeping, or talking. They'd probably bathed. Possibly.

Toshiro jerked his mind away from those thoughts. It was bad enough fantasising about anonymous women without contemplating what Zaraki and Matsumoto did together. Sex had corrupted his judgement. Before he'd gotten involved with Soi he was certain he hadn't thought about other people having sex.

Nearing 4th Division, his steps had instinctively slowed. Matsumoto's reiatsu had stabilised, but he didn't trust his observation. He felt Zaraki's reiatsu tugging at it, trying to make it increase and it did, but while it was considerably stronger, it was still weak. It would be stupid to gain hope that she was recovering when it was only a brief respite before she succumbed to the wounds she had suffered. Gritting his teeth he quickly gained contact with his lieutenant and noticed, with astonishment, that her heart was stronger, the spleen was recovering…. Many of the organs he thought were damaged beyond repair were healing, healing extraordinarily fast. His earlier assessment of her injuries must have been wrong because there was no possibility she could be healing this fast. Her reiatsu was suppressed because most of it was being directed, (how? By an outside agency?) to self healing. It was drawing on the strength of Zaraki's reiatsu which was forcing the healing process to speed up and he was allowing her to take it freely, without any consideration of his own needs.

It hit him then; the man really loved her. He was barely keeping his anger and sadness in check, but concentrated on giving her the assistance she needed.

Isane was waiting for him at the door, a small smile on her face. "She's out of danger. She'll recover!"

He nodded in agreement, her words confirming what he'd expected. It was enough. The tension drained out of him all at once.

Suddenly he felt his jaws gape as a large yawn made his acknowledge how tired he was. The day had lasted too long, with too many events. "If you need me, I'll be in my quarters, sleeping," he told the lieutenant and then made his words true.

His sleep was unaffected by dreams. No visions of a naked Soi or remembrance of the events of the day. When he woke he noticed that he was in the same position he thought he'd taken when he'd fallen into sleep. Rolling onto his back he stretched and felt his arms flex above his head touch the wall.

He was still tired and it was still dark outside, very dark.

"Why'd I wake up," he wondered only to hear a loud, rhythmic thumping on his door. "What is it now?" he muttered as he struggled to get up and put his clothes on at the same time. As he attempted to put on a sandal and his hakama, at the same time, to make the process faster, he felt his balance slip and landing on the floor, banged his right thigh heavily into a small table. "Damn, whoever you are. Go away and leave me alone." He yelled.

'Don't try to get out of this, short arse. I need you to help me talk to Yamamoto. We've got to work this out soon and we're having a meeting," Zaraki's harsh voice thundered through the door.

"I thought you were with your wife," Toshiro said as he opened the door, while rubbing the sore places on his body.

Zaraki looked at him and quirked an eyebrow. "What, or should I say, who the fuck were you doing?" he looked past Toshiro and seemed surprised that there was no one else in sight.

"I was sleeping; you know that thing you do at night instead of running around trying to have meetings, or annoying other captains. I don't want to go to a meeting. I want to sleep," Toshiro complained. He sounded peeved, but he wanted the day to be over. "How's Matsumoto?"

"Alive. Sleeping. She's getting better and I want this to be fast so I'm there when she wakes up. I don't want to have a fucking meeting either, but this has to be sorted, now. Come on," and then a sly smile slid over his -face. "Come on brother-in-law."

"Ugh," Toshiro said making a face. "We're not related."

Zaraki laughed loudly. "I bet my wife will insist we are."

Grumbling Toshiro followed Zaraki as they moved swiftly to 1st Division. Thinking about the comment, he realised the man was probably correct. Matsumoto had always seemingly craved a family, forming close relationships with friends, treating him like a loved younger brother. That might explain a few of her eccentricities, the need to claim people as her own and befriend as many people as she could.

As they ran, he noticed the streets were not as quiet or deserted as he expected. He saw other Captains converging on 1st Division. A questioning look at Zaraki provided no information, so he asked.

"I got the lazy sods in my Division to go to the Captains and persuade them it was a good idea to attend," Zaraki explained briefly.

Knowing that most captains were very reluctant to give up their sleep for a meeting, Toshiro wondered what inducements had been made. If it hadn't been Zaraki bashing on his door, he would have returned to bed and ignored the request to attend a meeting.

"Yeah, being volunteered to go to Las Noches if they didn't attend, seemed a good inducement," the man continued with a smile on his face.

That made sense. Toshiro didn't want to go. There were too many things happening that he wanted to follow in the Seireitei, like his 'relationship' with Soi. Before he decided it was a bad idea, or talked himself out of it, he wanted to try to establish some understanding with her. Understanding of what, he wasn't sure, but if they could at least agree on being civil to each other at all times, it would be a start.

Within the quarter hour, all the Captains were assembled, many directing angry glares at the 11th Division Captain, but Captain Unohana just nodded briefly as she caught his eye. No one seemed pleased to be roused from their beds, but it was too late to worry about that. Soi seemed to be unaware of her surrounding, appearing slightly dazed. Toshiro found that no matter what he did, he kept glancing toward her, hoping she would at least acknowledge his presence by one look, but she didn't.

Being let into the room by a very grumpy 1st Division lieutenant Toshiro noticed the old man already there, seated, and wearing his most forbidding expression. The hard glance he shot at Zaraki indicated he knew who was responsible for the interruption to his sleep.

"So, Captain Zaraki. I am at your beck and call, am I?" he started.

"That's not what we're here to talk about," was the quick response.

The quiet in the room was louder than any words that could be said. Zaraki was acting like he was in charge. This should be interesting, very interesting, but dangerous. Toshiro's eyes slid to Soi who appeared to be yawning. At least her hand covered her mouth.

The anger in Yamamoto seemed to radiate outwards. "Remember who you are."

"Before you begin that rant let's sort out who's going on this rescue mission. We've got limited time and the sooner we get it moving the better." Zaraki said. His voice was firm and commanding and Toshiro noticed Yamamoto sat up straighter in his chair, his hands clenched on his stick.

"While that is true…" the 1st Division Captain began.

"I wish to go. There are people there I can assist," Captain Unohana said. "It may be possible to heal the natures of some of the people as well as their bodies," she continued her sweet smile containing a layer of steely intensity.

Yamamoto coughed. "I don't think it's appropriate that you…"

"I need her and you agreed before. Any other objections?" Zaraki said speaking over his commanding officer.

Feeling a prickle of apprehension run up his back, Toshiro couldn't remove his gaze from the Captain-General. He'd never seen the man stunned before, but that was how he looked.

No one else spoke. It was highly probable they were waiting for the old man to cut Zaraki into two for his insubordination.

Shrugging, Zaraki spoke to Yamamoto, "You can take it out of my hide later. Who else? Do you want to go, Captain Fon?" Zaraki nodded toward Soi and Toshiro feared for a moment that she would agree.

"No. My forces are needed here to guard the perimeters and continue surveillance," Soi answered shortly, but firmly. Her shoulders were squared and once more Toshiro's eyes were focused on her. This time she was more aware but stubbornly continued to keep her attention elsewhere.

"I will go," a deep voice informed them.

'No you won't, Komamura. You might think Tosen doesn't know what he's doing, but he has less excuse than Ichimaru. The man you imagined was your friend no longer exists, even if he did exist once," Zaraki said firmly. "You'd be vulnerable to him and we don't need that."

"But…" Captain Komamura began to protest.

"The 11th Division Captain is correct," Yamamoto said, his voice harsh, with an edge to it. The glare he directed at Zaraki was unrestrained in its fury, and even though he seemed to notice, he only shrugged peevishly.

Toshiro almost felt the ground shift underneath him. This meeting bore no resemblance to any other meeting he'd attended and he wondered if he was dreaming. Why was the Captain-General supporting Zaraki who had usurped his authority? He'd heard that edge on the old man's voice on a few occasions, for example during the argument with Soi. He knew that after this meeting there would be a reckoning between the two men. Or had this been pre-arranged?

The large 7th Division Captain seemed disappointed but said nothing more, dropping his head briefly before recovering his poise and assuming his customary stalwart stance.

"I will go," demanded another voice, with determination. "I wish to examine these Arrancar and Espada. As no one has procured one for me to experiment upon I will go an obtain one for myself. That way I can identify the best specimens."

Remembering the recent altercations between the 12th Division Captain and Zaraki, Toshiro expected an indignant rebuttal of the offer. He glanced at the man, and once again was clearly reminded how the paint he insisted on wearing obscured his features, making it difficult to discern his expression. His stare appeared to challenge everyone to deny his right to be part of the mission.

"As you are in charge of communications, I though you'd want to stay," demurred Shunsui, an agreeable smile on his face. He blinked slowly and Toshiro wondered if he had recovered from his earlier drinking binge.

The fanatical look thrown at him by the other captain made him step back.

"Others can be trusted with that simple task. After my wishes were ignored by the last mission it became clear that only I can undertake the task. All the Hollows that have been collected for me have been weak, poor examples at best. A scientist of my stature should be provided with the best materials and if no one else will see to…"

"Shut the fuck up, you frenzied windbag. You can come, provided you stop your noise, now," Zaraki said abruptly interrupting the man. He didn't acknowledge the man except for his words, but Toshiro had been watching Zaraki. Had his mouth twitched as though he was smiling, or grimacing? It'd have to be a grimace, but Toshiro was relieved that the man was going.

"I will allow one more Captain to join this group, Kenpachi," Yamamoto had lowered his voice. "And I will point out…."

Zaraki turned a ferocious look on his superior officer. "Later. After Aizen is defeated. This is more important than whatever problems you have with me."

"I will go," Captain Kuchiki said before anyone else could interrupt. "Both my sister and lieutenant have journeyed, without permission, to Las Noches. I will retrieve them."

Sighing loudly, Yamamoto rose to his feet. "Are you satisfied now, Kenpachi? You will leave tomorrow. I'm sure you want to get back to your wife now. You are all dismissed, but this is not over. After Aizen is defeated we will have a reckoning," he said meaningfully before he stormed out of the room.

"Whatever," said Zaraki and ran out of the room closely followed by Captain Unohana.

"Why did he make a show of getting me to come?" Toshiro wondered as he searched the room looking for Soi.

This time their glances met and he noticed she was observing him with narrowed, suspicious eyes. He couldn't read hate into the look, but it served to make him feel uncomfortable. Despite his determination not to talk to her, he found he was standing in front of her, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't be inflammatory.

"You didn't want to go?" was all he could think of to say.

"No."

The other Captains, amid a hubbub of speculation had left the room, each unhappy about the interrupted sleep.

"If anyone decides to call another meeting like this, they better supply plenty of sake," Shunsui grumbled. "Though I almost felt like I was drunk during this last one." He wavered unsteadily on his feet and Captain Ukitake caught his arm.

"You are," he said as he wrinkled his nose. "Go home and go to bed. Sleep it off," he told his friend as he ushered him out the door.

Soi moved to follow them and Toshiro caught her by her sleeve. "It won't go away," he said.

Her face paled and she shot him a look of combined loathing and fear. "It is none of your business," she said as she pulled her sleeve away with obvious revulsion.

"It is my business," he insisted, knowing that he was making yet another mistake. "I want to be involved…"

A hard slap to the side of his face jerked his head to one side. Soi moved swiftly and the punch to his solar plexus which landed seconds later came out of nowhere. Before he could react, Toshiro was kneeling, winded and Soi had left the room.

When he finally caught his breath, he left, the scene playing through his mind. If he followed her now…. No. He was tired and might suddenly spout on about love. If trying to even mention his emotions caused this reaction, a declaration might be really painful. Though she did appear to be over reacting. All he was doing was hinting that they had to talk about what was happening between them. Even if they could agree on having regular sex, or …

Each time she told him it was over, she started it again. There had to be a reason. Maybe after Yoruichi she found it hard to accept that she could feel anything for another person.

"And I taunted her about Yoruichi," he recalled with a groan. Grinding his teeth with impatience he returned to his quarters with a short stop at his headquarters. There he left a message that he was to be undisturbed until further notice. After the events of the day he didn't want any unwanted females seeking solace or sex. From her attitude it was extremely unlikely that Soi would be seeking either from him in the foreseeable future; if ever. He deserved to sleep in, if on only one occasion, and he roused his third seat to remain on duty outside his quarters. His subordinate seemed reluctant to accept his demand, but he simply raised his eyebrow questioningly and the opposition melted as he was shaken by a chill.

"Sir, anything. No one will interrupt you tonight, but can I have the day off tomorrow?" he bargained.

Toshiro considered the matter. With someone on guard he could sleep without interruption and he would take advantage of it. "When I wake up and dismiss you, you may have the rest of the day as leave, providing the situation hasn't changed," he offered and shut his door before the man could agree.

Sliding into bed he shut his eyes, preparing to block out any thoughts. His mind wasn't being cooperative and throwing all his mistakes at him. If he could argue with it he would, pointing out that it had been actively complicit in making the errors, but there was no point. Arguing with his mind was bad. No, the light in his eyes was bad. Rubbing his face he knew he'd slept. The light outside his window indicated that it was full day. The oppressive feeling he'd experienced since Matsumoto was abducted was gone. A curious lightness affected him almost causing him to smile while the memory of his recent interaction with Soi made him want to hurt someone.

He decided that he was going to take control of the situation and his life. Today was going to be an improvement. A niggling feeling at the back of his mind alerted him that he'd forgotten something. He'd agreed to be somewhere, but the events of the previous day had driven it from his mind. In time he'd recall whatever it was and with any luck he wouldn't have to follow it up. It'd be forgotten and he could concentrate on working with his Division and catching up with some of the never ending paperwork.

Rising from the bed he made some tea and rice porridge and read a message from 4th Division and a general announcement from 1st Division while the tea was brewing. Faltering he stopped mid pour and re-read the message from Captain Unohana. Matsumoto had been permitted to leave the 4th Division with her husband. That could only mean she was completely recovered. The joy he felt seemed distant, shielded from him due to fear that the news might change for the worse.

The other note caused his eyebrows to rise slightly and he could see the connection between the two pieces of information. The note from the 1st Division informed all Captains that the mission had been delayed by one day. Matsumoto recovering and returning to her quarters with her husband might delay things considerably.

How long had he slept? Glancing at the time he was stunned to see that it was already early afternoon. Why had no one woken him? Sipping the tea, he inhaled the steam which cleared his head slightly of the slight fustiness he felt from the interrupted sleep. He still felt slightly stale so collecting fresh clothes he went to the bathhouse and emerged after a bath feeling somewhat more able to take charge. Instead of being prepared to hurt everyone, he'd only hurt anyone who annoyed him.

A kneeling messenger appeared in front of him, holding a folded paper. Instinctively, Toshiro felt he was going to want to hurt someone, very soon.

* * *

A.N.

Soundtrack

'You Gonna Want Me (Jesper Dahlback Remix)' Tiga

'Voodoo Child' Rogue Traders

'Meet Your Master' Nine Inch Nails

'Waltz for koop (bacon and gumby remix' Koop

For now, no comment on how far behind this story is from 'Different Circumstances'. You'll see why in the next chapter, where certain events have been causing me much amusement. Heheheh. Yes, it will be from Soi's perspective.

Yeah, the Omaeda speech! Was that interesting to write? Hell, yeah.

Thanks to the people who actually bothered to review. Nice.

Review. I like reviews.


	28. Love's Folly

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine._

**Love's Folly**

Anger throbbed through her body and she was shaking from its intensity. Her lieutenant had dared to ask her to marry him and made it sound like he was conveying a very great honour on her. The man had to be out of his freaking mind. Marry him? She'd sooner marry Izuru for all his angst and depression. She'd prefer to have an affair with that boy Quincy, who at least showed some signs of intelligence or go on a date with the 12th Division Cap…..What was she thinking? The last idea was insane and disgusting.

Marry Omaeda? Never!

Then it struck her; the problem of her pregnancy. Before he'd made the offer she was considering an arranged marriage, or some method of making the parentage of the child she was carrying problematic. She could accept Omaeda's proposal. The match would please her family, it wouldn't shame anyone. Her child would have a name, a father and a heritage and she would not be disgraced. On the wedding night she could make certain he drank too much to remember what happened and then insist on sleeping apart from that night onward for some unspecified reason. If she alluded to a ambiguous problem she knew her lieutenant knew so little about women he wouldn't ask or guess he had been duped. There was one sticking point.

She would prefer to die than marry the man.

Putting aside the fact that he was her lieutenant and, technically anyway, marrying him would be marrying beneath her and she didn't believe in mixing work and pleasure, not after Yoruichi. Besides, marrying the man would not bring her any pleasure. There were other issues that needed to be considered. His personal habits for a start. To take one case, his fingers. They were rarely still, either delving in packets and bags to remove food to please his ever increasing stomach, or they could be seen exploring his nose, his ears, extracting substances from between his teeth, or the back of him mouth and that was in public. Even a cursory thought of what he might do with his fingers in private brought a very bitter taste to her mouth as the contents of her stomach tried to return. Marriage meant some physical contact and even if it was kept to a minimum, that is when they held hands for the marriage ceremony; that would be too much touching for her. Even if he wore gloves she would not be assured that the gloves were clean or that they provided enough distance between the two of them. It would be wrong and against custom if she insisted he wore gauntlets during the ceremony and she didn't think he'd agree to a proxy service. Plus she would have to sit next to him. Sit next to him! Their thighs might touch and she would be trapped next to him for hours. Her flesh crawled at the thought.

From the look on his face he would want more than to hold her hand briefly. He would wish to exercise the full responsibilities of a husband.

Rushing to the nearby bathroom, Soi was violently reminded of how long it had been since she'd eaten. Desperately, while shuddering with revulsion, she tried to think of an image that would block the horrors that were crowding her mind. The only thing that happened was that the clarity of the pictures improved, increasing her nausea, until, in abject misery, she pictured Toshiro. Naked Toshiro, his face looking up at her from between her legs as he brought her pleasure. His lust had been badly disguised and she remembered how avidly she would watch him dress in the early days of their relationship, through eyelids that were mostly closed. She's noticed as his cock strained after he'd satisfied her. She could picture him lying underneath her as she mounted him, sating her hungry flesh on him while his eyes seemed to smoulder with lust and humiliation. An image of Toshiro pushing her against the wall as he tried to undress her made her cheeks flame.

Damn it, she was getting turned on. From the total disgust of thinking about Omaeda touching her and assorted other things, to an overwhelming desire to find Toshiro, knock him unconscious and have sex with him while convincing him that he was sleeping and having another wet dream.

Yawning, she shut her eyes, wondering if she should give into her lurid fantasies for a few minutes. Anything was better than thinking about Omaeda and an impossible marriage. Only a few minutes and then she'd do some more work, finish reading some of the tortuous papers that littered her desk and she would seek that equilibrium that seemed to evade her.

****************************************************************

Her back hurt and she shifted in her bed trying to stretch out the knot she felt in her right shoulder, but she wasn't in her bed. The chair creaked under her as she moved. That was sad, falling asleep at her desk like a middle-aged manager who'd eaten too much lunch. This pregnancy was changing too much of her, affecting her sleep patterns, eating and emotions. At least her lieutenant was not here to comment or interrupt.

Vulnerable to her fears her mind shifted and shifted, picking up the one thing that had been beating at the edge of her consciousness and causing her concern. Her thoughts stilled again and cold anxiety coursed through her veins. She was pregnant and she wanted to keep the child but had no means or method by which she it could stay a secret. One possible suitor was not acceptable. The need to talk to someone grew within her; a sensible person who might have some suggestions that were not unpalatable. There was only one person she felt she could trust with this conversation and the need to make this decision. Retsu had now returned and hopefully as Matsumoto was now recovering, she might have some time. It might be the middle of the night, but Retsu kept odd hours, she knew that. It wouldn't hurt to try.

Before considering the matter any further she found she was standing outside 4th Division, pleading with Hanatoro Yamada for admission. Never had she felt so humiliated. Appealing to someone like him for a chance to talk to his Captain was demeaning, but what choice did she have?

"Captain Unohana is very busy and cannot be disturbed. We are recovering from healing the members of 11th Division who were sent here earlier," he said very quietly as he quailed under her gaze. He rubbed an eye with a knuckle and then dropped his hand to his side.

"I demand to see your captain," Soi said once again, trying to smile. Did he quiver and was his face even whiter than before?

'She's busy," he tried to explain once more, rubbing the other eye. He glanced around frantically and backed away. "She's sleeping, or trying to."

"As a Captain I exert my right to over rule you and see your Captain," Soi wheedled. Without meaning to her hand hovered over the hilt of her blade.

"I'll tell her, tomorrow morning, once she's rested. She needs her sleep," Hanatoro squeaked and ran to the door, shutting and locking it behind him.

Angered, Soi's hand slapped on the wood, feeling it shake under her gentle tap. It shook again as she 'tapped' it once more.

"Captain Fong. Please. We are trying to maintain a sense of calm here for our recovering patients who are sleeping," the calm tone of Retsu came from her left.

As Soi span around, Retsu looked directly at her face and the expression of her face changed from one of reprimand to deep sympathy. "Oh, Soi. Come with me. I will listen and perhaps I may be able to help you. Come, my dear. It cannot be that bad."

Her hair was not plaited and she wore a comfortable sleeping robe that was covered with a padded coat. Retsu's eyes were tired, but kind, and she smelt of antiseptic and toothpaste. Permitting the older woman to lead her to a quiet room, Soi automatically wiped her face with the warm damp cloth the physician handed her. The warmth of the towel was soothing and her face felt much fresher and less damp once she'd wiped it a few times. For some reason Retsu handed her a cloth and Soi found she was blowing her nose. She wondered if she was getting a cold, or if her sinuses had been blocked. When she tired to speak, she found she had to clear her throat a few times before it was possible for her to talk.

"I think I'm getting a cold," she said to Retsu and noticed her voice was croaky.

"You may wish to call it that. I've heard it called many different names, each of them interesting," Retsu said calmly as she retied the robe once more and smoothed her hair with her hands. "Why did you wish to see me?"

Now it was time to ask, Soi suddenly felt shy. It might sound like she was prying into to older woman's business, but confirmation of an earlier conversation was necessary. "You won't be telling the Lieutenant that you're pregnant with his child?" She asked quietly, trying not to make the statement sound like an accusation.

Instead of answering her, Retsu sighed and looked at the wall, solemnly. "I've desired to have a child for some years. Should I sacrifice that desire?"

Confused, Soi frowned. What did Retsu mean? She thought she remembered, but the many intervening events blurred the memory.

"If the father doesn't wish me to have his child, then would I listen to his reasons? Would I comply and forfeit the chance to have a baby I could love and raise without a man's influence? Should I do so? Once again, should I place another person's wish ahead of my own?" The trace of sorrow in the words was not lost on Soi, but how could she respond? A misplaced word would sound stupid and childish, yet in a few word Retsu had outlined part of Soi's dilemma. Once before they had touched on this subject, but Soi had been too angry and eager to think about it closely at that time.

"What about your reputation? Having a child outside marriage is……" Soi faltered as she tried to frame her worries. The many problems she could see seemed to increase as she gathered them together until her mouth dried.

"It's not a crime. You will not be taken out at dawn and executed," Retsu chucked slightly. "I'm simply having a baby. So are you. Women do. Men can't."

She was silent as if allowing time for her words to filter through Soi's consciousness. The longer the silence lasted, the more her words made sense. Why was she worried about appearances? She was a captain of the Seireitei and the majority of her peers were a bunch of self interested men and not all of them had admirable qualities. Did she value their opinion?

"What about your family," Soi said and felt the words die as she recalled she knew nothing about Retsu's family, or even much about her background.

"Family are meant to support and advice, but they can't live your life for you. If they reject you for this, then you would have found disfavour in their eyes at some point as it would be impossible to conform to their morals." The words were what she wanted to hear, but she feared that her family would disown her and she didn't have a large group of friends on which to rely.

"Soi, your family would only disown you if you failed in your responsibilities as a Captain and a Shinigami. You have upheld the tradition at no little cost to yourself and we know that you would die rather than bring shame on your family by acting in any manner that could be considered irregular. They would welcome a new addition to the family, especially as so many of your siblings died before they had a chance to reproduce," Retsu said.

Her head snapped up and with eyes open wide she looked at the 4th Division Captain in disbelief. What was she saying? How could she speak with such authority about her Soi's parents and siblings?

Retsu laughed gently. "You forget how long I've been a Captain and how many of your family I've treated and talked to," she paused and slowly added, "and watched die. If the child is yours it will be treasured and probably spoilt by everyone, regardless of who is the father. And if anyone censures me for having a child out of marriage, I can only see that as their problem, not mine. And with all the other events happening within the Seireitei it won't an isolated incident." Retsu then shut her mouth and Soi could hear her teeth click together as a look of shock covered the 4th Division Captain's face. "I meant nothing by that," was a hurried addition to her earlier comments.

And then she realised that both Retsu and she would not face as much censure as Momo, who even now didn't know she was carrying that traitor, Aizen's, child. She would be touched lightly compared to how the 5th Division lieutenant would fare. Soi blinked as she began to grasp the truth. She didn't have to rush into marriage, because of the child. The problem was the way she'd been thinking, but all the same, she was worried that Toshiro would draw the correct conclusion and then wish to be involved in her child's life. She would never be free of him, even if she wished to be free.

If her parents were upset by her pregnancy she would work it out with them. If the rest of the Seireitei wanted to make an issue of it, she had methods and means of reminding them that their ideas and words were not welcome. The Captain-General might not like it, but after her recent interaction with the man she didn't care. He'd lost the way and was rapidly losing her respect and admiration.

"Soi, one day you will grasp the simple truth that you have to live your life for yourself. It is only natural to wish to please your relatives, but if by doing so you are overlooking your own needs, then it harms all of you. Unconscious resentment is built up and will only bring grief and pain. Eventually you will have to accept responsibility for your happiness and it's not always to be found by only pleasing others, or by only pleasing yourself," was the quiet advice.

No one had spoken to Soi like this since Yoruichi left and then Yoruichi had been talking about herself and her needs. It hadn't occurred to her that she could apply the same strategy to her own life. While she had admired the woman she had seen her as a separate being, who didn't need to live by the rules that haunted her own life. Even as she had been encouraged to do, while under the captaincy of her adored Yoruichi, she had only done so at her behest. It had been difficult to break the rigid training of her formative years.

A muted knock alerted them that someone was at the door. Retsu rose from her knees and opened the door. Her exclamation of surprise drew Soi's attention and as she turned from the door, she could see she was holding a basket that had a large bow tied around it. Bells hung from it as did ribbon and other assorted decorations, some of them looked like blobs from a distance. It might be interesting to find out what they were, but she wasn't that curious. The colours of decoration were purple and yellow, a strange combination she thought. Purple and yellow didn't combine very well, but other people might appreciate the contrast. It was one of the most overdecorated presents she'd ever seen and wondered who had the ludicrous bad taste to send it to Retsu. The Captain had located the card and was reading it as her eyes opened wide. Was the basket from Hisagi? Was he trying to ingratiate himself back into his lover's arms?

"This is for you, Captain Fong" the 4th Division Captain said in a strangled voice as she tried not to laugh.

Presents after midnight? A strange time to deliver tokens, whether of hate or love. Slowly getting to her feet, Soi took the basket from her hands and quickly assessed the contents. An exclamation of disgust broke from her mouth and she almost flung the gaudily decorated container on the floor. A toy black cat lay curled around an assortment of bananas, pomegranates, lychees and for some strange reason, tomatoes. There was a card, but she didn't bother reading it. Only one person would have the unmitigated gall to send this to her. She had imagined that he had better taste but obviously not. Close up, the blobs proved to be different objects, like toys in wedding kimonos, cradles and other sickeningly sentimental crap.

"Bananas, pomegranates and lychees! The cost of those items at the market make it almost prohibitive to purchase even one, but here are all three in quantities," the astonishment in Retsu's voice was lost on Soi. "Does someone owe you a debt of honour? Who sent them?"

With fingers that didn't wish to work correctly Soi opened the card. It read: "Be Captain of my Heart," and was signed, A Secret Admirer. The card made her pause but she dismissed any notion that Omaeda had sent it before it formed. After the way she treated him he would be wise to send her his resignation and nothing else. From their conversations it had to be from Toshiro, especially as it contained bananas. Perhaps it was his strange way of apologising, but she found it insulting. And the message was trite, almost comical in its stupidity. Was it meant to amuse, or was it a subtle dig at the fact she was a Captain more by default than anything. Did the sender mean to imply that she was a poor replacement for the glory that was Yoruichi?

Cold fury warred with burning shame. The man was mocking her and she now did not allow anyone to mock her. All her life she had taken her training seriously, the words people spoke to her had been treated as important and she had sought and followed any guidance. It was true that Yoruichi had often mocked her, tried to make her take life a little less seriously, but that was her golden skinned goddess. She had that right and Soi did not judge her for it, or blame her for the hot tears with which she often soaked her pillow at night when the teasing had been more extreme. Yoruichi was teaching her how to survive mockery.

She never teased anyone, preferring to be blunt and honest in her dealings with others. In response she expected others to treat her in a similar manner. Toshiro had gone too far. Bananas! Reminding her about Yoruichi with the inclusion of the black cat. The pomegranates, lychees and tomatoes might have an obscure meaning which she didn't understand, but they too, she was certain, would only increase the insult. An impulse to send an assassination squad to remove him from her life rose within her, but then she would need to destroy Retsu, as a witness. She liked Retsu and it wouldn't be fair. Toshiro would pay. He would know her anger.

Feverishly she imagined fucking him, pleasuring herself over and over again while keeping him prisoner; but people would notice his disappearance. Or she could spread rumours ab……. She always hated rumours, even while she listened to them. Why did she have to love the bastard?

Revenge. She would have her revenge, but a well thought out revenge. Not something that would be empty of meaning. Given the opportunity she would think of something fitting, but that foolish side she hadn't known she possessed was urging her to doubt her instinctive belief. Evidence was needed to prove that the 10th Division Captain had sent the basket. The writing on the card proved nothing as she didn't recognise it and was probably written by someone other than her 'Secret Admirer'. The person who constructed the present, perhaps.

Lifting the basket, she almost threw it against the wall, but a movement from Retsu caught her eye and she stopped, thinking quickly. "I think this should go to Momo," Soi said suddenly. Toshiro was always visiting her and if he saw the basket in the girl's room he might get the message. She didn't want him; he could go to his pet Hinamori if that was his choice and so could his unwanted gifts. She wanted nothing more to do with the man and the sooner he learnt of that, the happier she would be.

Retsu raised an eyebrow expressively but simply took the basket from her and went outside, returning a few minutes later, her hands empty and the serene look back on her face. "A Secret Admirer, Soi," she said gently. "I have noticed that it is never the person you believe it to be. Sometimes it's a relief when you find out who it is, but then more often it's a bitter disappointment when the identity is revealed."

Soi curled her lip and gave a tight little smile. "I don't care who it is. I don't want or need an admirer, secret or otherwise. As you pointed out, I can raise this child by myself, without assistance and that is exactly what I plan to do." While she spoke she felt brave. It sounded good, the strong words issuing from her mouth, indicating to Retsu that she was independent and not even slightly curious about the person who sent the present. If she didn't accept it, then it proved she wasn't curious and by giving it to someone she despised she was proving her kindness, or at least concealing her bitterness.

"I wonder if Momo will mind it I take some of her bananas," Retsu said thoughtfully and smiled at the look on Soi's face. "The potassium and vitamins are good for pregnancy and as it's sometimes difficult to eat, I thought bananas might tempt me."

"Not the pomegranates?" Soi asked almost reluctantly. Could she never escape from the accursed yellow fruit?

"Too many seeds. I prefer them as juice," Retsu smiled as she replied.

Soi decided that as a thank you present she would send Retsu some of the fruit, maybe with some apples. It was a small price to pay in return for the many kindnesses she'd been shown and might aid her in overcoming her morbid fear of bananas.

Before she could ask anything further a messenger arrived with a summons to a Captain's meeting.

"Why would the Captain-General have a meeting now? It's the middle of the night. We're supposed to be sleeping," Soi wondered aloud as they walked to headquarters.

Retsu pursed her lips and said quietly. "He didn't call the meeting, but he will be there. Captain Fong, Soi, this will have repercussions and I cannot predict what will happen, but may I count on your support for Captain Zaraki?"

The breath hissed out of her mouth as she began to comprehend that whatever was happening might challenge the Old Man's authority. There was no doubt in her mind of what action she should take. "The middle of the night? I should have guessed! That man has no appreciation of time. As long as I am not called upon to go to Las Noches…" she began.

"You're needed here," Retsu agreed with a firmness that indicated she had discussed the matter with Kenpachi already. "We trust you to keep a clear head in what might follow."

This meeting. It was about the mission to Las Noches to assist Ichigo. "I thought Renji and Rukia…"

"They've already gone," Retsu said.

Remembering her earlier conversation with Kira, Soi nodded. She'd known that but recent events had made her forget, or at least jumbled facts in her mind so she wasn't certain what was important. "Yes, that's right," Soi said slowly. "Why do you want to go?"

A strange and secretive smile crossed her friend's face. "Only recently have I discovered that I owe a debt to the traitors for something they did, long ago. I believe in repaying all my outstanding debts." The tone of her voice did not persuade Soi that the traitors would welcome the repayment. "As you know, Captain Zaraki wishes to take issue with them over the way they've treated his wife."

That would be two captains leading the mission. Soi wondered who else would be eager to join and move so far into such a foreign place, swarming with enemies and danger and if Kenpachi was angry would they even get a chance to fight? Would it attract Toshiro? Toshiro had been eager, or at least not completely opposed to the idea of going to the human world. The arrangements he'd put into place to protect Hinamori, and the cost he was prepared to pay.

But now she was paying. Pleasure had a price. The pleasure was fleeting, even though she remembered it so well, but it was over and the thing growing inside her was the price.

They entered the room and Soi went to her normal position. It was impossible not to look at Toshiro but after the first glance the image of basket with the stuffed toy cat and bananas rose before her eyes. Love, hatred, anger and forgiveness warred within her. It was easier to pretend he wasn't there and she stared at the empty space where Captain Ichimaru had once stood. From the strange hour, the air of impatience and discontent, it seemed the meeting was going to prove a different experience to those she had previously attended.

Yamamoto tried to take control. "So, Captain Zaraki. I am at your beck and call, am I?" he started.

"That's not what we're here to talk about," Zaraki was almost off hand with his reply and was looking at the ceiling impatiently. For some irrational reason she wanted to laugh and quickly covered her mouth with her hand. She knew Yamamoto was going to be angry and the old man in a rage was no longer frightening to her.

He stuffily told Zaraki: "Remember who you are."

She could hear the air hiss between Zaraki's teeth as he tried to reign in his anger. "Before you begin that rant let's sort out who's going on this rescue mission. We've got limited time and the sooner we get it moving the better." Zaraki said.

"While that is true…"

Retsu didn't allow the Commander General to continue. "I wish to go. There are people there I can assist. It may be possible to heal the natures of some of the people as well as their bodies."

She couldn't be positive but she was almost certain that Kenpachi winked at Retsu, but it was too fast.

A sharp bark, possibly an exclamation of anger preceded the next comment from Yamamoto. "I don't think it's appropriate that you…"

"I need her and you agreed before. Any other objections?"

Soi now had her eyes fixed on the Captain-General. Any normal person would have their eyes opened wide in disbelief at having their authority challenged in this manner, but only a glimmer of white showed at the edge of the lids. Once more she recalled that a good tactician knew when to bluff and when to hide any anger or other emotion which gave the opponent an opening. The man had played this game for too many years to allow anyone to penetrate his defences.

The silence was heavy and pointed.

You can take it out of my hide later," Zaraki was unaffected by the atmosphere. "Who else? Do you want to go, Captain Fon?"

Even though she was expecting the invitation it still came as a surprise but she quickly answered with as much authority as she could muster. "No. My forces are needed here to guard the perimeters and continue surveillance."

Before the silence could return and become unwieldy another Captain spoke. "I will go."

A strange expression of regret crossed Kenpachi's face and Soi wondered why. "No you won't, Komamura. You might think Tosen doesn't know what he's doing, but he has less excuse than Ichimaru. The man you imagined was your friend no longer exists, even if he did exist once. You'd be vulnerable to him and we don't need that."

"But…" the protest was cut short.

Sounding like gravel being shaken in a tin, Yamamoto spoke. "The 11th Division Captain is correct."

Even though she was watching the man, she had trouble believing he had agreed with Kenpachi. There were underlying currents here that had not been in play in previous meetings. A struggle for dominance was underway and it was uncertain who would be the victor, or if the contest would be decided now, or very far in the future.

As the strident tones of the 12th Division Captain scattered over the shattered surface, Soi was once more pleased she would not be joining the party. "I will go," he demanded. "I wish to examine these Arrancar and Espada. As no one has procured one for me to experiment upon I will go an obtain one for myself. That way I can identify the best specimens."

A subtle move in his shoulders made Soi wonder why the Captain-General was shrugging. Then he shifted gently in his chair as if to hide the movement. Was he pleased the man would take part in this mission?

"As you are in charge of communications, I though you'd want to stay," the slight slur to the words was proof that the 8th Division Captain had been drinking again. He blinked and stepped back at the crazed response.

"Others can be trusted with that simple task. After my wishes were ignored by the last mission it became clear that only I can undertake the task. All the Hollows that have been collected for me have been weak, poor examples at best. A scientist of my stature should be provided with the best materials and if no one else will see to…"

"Shut the fuck up, you frenzied windbag. You can come, provided you stop your noise, now," Kenpachi said and the man stopped, anger and defiance warring on his face.

"I will allow one more Captain to join this group, Kenpachi. And I will point out…."

"Later. After Aizen is defeated. This is more important than whatever problems you have with me."

Before Kenpachi made the contest tangible, Captain Kuchiki intervened. "I will go. Both my sister and lieutenant have journeyed, without permission, to Las Noches. I will retrieve them."

The movement of the Captain-General getting to his feet indicated that the meeting was over without blows or wasted time. "Are you satisfied now, Kenpachi? You will leave tomorrow. I'm sure you want to get back to your wife now. You are all dismissed, but this is not over. After Aizen is defeated we will have a reckoning."

"Whatever," said Zaraki and ran out of the room, and Soi imagined he was eager to return to his wife.

She watched Retsu follow and the Old Man try to stalk out of the room with the remains of his dignity intact. Toshiro's reiatsu warned her he was near and she tried to mentally order him not to talk to her. It didn't work.

"You didn't want to go?"

Hadn't he been listening? Why was he talking to her? Did he expect thanks for the insult that his 'present' had afforded her? "No."

She began to follow Ukitake and Kyoraku out of the room as they talked about something. Whatever it was she wasn't listening, consumed as she was with anger at Toshiro. She'd leave and go somewhere where he wouldn't follow but he caught her by her sleeve. "It won't go away," he said.

What was he talking about? Did he know? He couldn't know about her pregnancy; that was impossible. Or was he talking about the basket? A fine layer of perspiration began to form on her body as she struggled to answer. "It is none of your business," she said and pulled away from him.

"It is my business. I want to be involved…"

He knew. The bastard, the basket, the words, and the conversation he must have had with her lieutenant. Otherwise how had he known about the dream and the words they'd exchanged? Had he told everyone that they were lovers? That she'd had sex with him while he slept? Was he blackmailing her into involving him in bringing up the child? Did everyone know that she'd lost her virginity to him; that she'd sought him out and despoiled Yoruichi's memory with him? The situation was intolerable and she reacted instinctively. She had to get away so she could work out what was happening. Retsu! She could talk to Retsu! Now!

Using the minimum of moves she disabled Toshiro without actually killing him as she felt obliged to do. Escaping while he was lying, panting on the floor she ran to 4th Division, not even realising how much her relationship with Captain Unohana had changed. The woman provided her with advice she could follow and didn't seem to judge her. She had missed so much in remaining isolated.

But meeting with the woman, she could see the frown that furrowed her brows. Pushing aside her own concerns, she stopped and composed her features.

"An interesting meeting," she ventured.

"Yes. I am making preparations for our departure. I will, of course, be taking Isane."

Soi nodded, feeling as if she was intruding but wanting to have an excuse for following her friend she asked quickly buy shyly, "How is the lieutenant? Kenpachi's wife?"

A small smile crossed Retsu's face and a look of relief flashed in her eyes. "She's sleeping, recovering. Her husband is with her, refusing to leave her side again. The last I saw he was holding her hand and gazing at her intently. It has come as no small surprise to me that he hasn't tried to wake her as yet."

As if on cue Soi heard Captain Zaraki's voice echoing through the hallways. "Retsu; Retsu, get your butt in here. Now! She doesn't know who I am. She's asking for that bastard Ichimaru."

Retsu rose to her feet and ran in the direction of the voice a very troubled look on her face. After starting to her feet Soi decided not to follow. After having married the woman, been unable to prevent her abduction and then regaining her only to nearly lose her to death, the Captain would be exceedingly unhappy if his wife then forgot him. Idly she wondered if she would need to goad Toshiro into fighting him once more to distract him. The reiatsu was flaring, but it gradually settled down into the normal uncontrolled expansion and contraction she was accustomed to feeling. There was no point in remaining here. Retsu was busy and her comforting presence would soon desert the Seireitei and Soi would once more be thrown back to her own resources. Another friend would be welcome, but who was as sensible or suitable as Retsu? Sadly she returned to her lonely bed missing her friend before her absence.

* * *

A.N.

The fruit meaning? *sigh* Pomegranates are a sigh of fertility, tomatoes are also known as love apples and lychees have a prickly exterior but are very sweet inside. Now, work out the rest for yourself.

Soundtrack

'Spirit of the Turning Table' Paradise Soul

March from 'For the Love of Three Oranges, Op.33' Prokofiev

'Can't Get You Out of My Head' Kylie Minogue

Review. I like reviews.


	29. Love's Substitute

_Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo. I am not Tite Kubo. I do not own Bleach or the characters. I do not own the Seireitei. _

**Love's Substitute**

Taking the folded paper from the 5th Division messenger, Toshiro unfolded it slowly and scanned the contents. Recent events had made any new message suspect; each day was full of worrying developments that either confounded or confused him. Hope that the complications would become fewer with the passing of time faded as more problems arose, forcing him once again to reassess his situation and try to plan for the best method of dealing with each new set of circumstances. Previously he'd had Matsumoto to talk to, even if her advice was often facile or unhelpful. Yet, frequently, it pointed him in the right direction. When she changed the subject to some silly observation or piece of gossip he would become distracted and when, finally, he had the chance to return to the original problem, he might have a new slant due to the mental break she had provided. More than once he wondered if she provided the distraction on purpose to give that relief from the intimate connection he formed with a problem which made solutions more difficult to recognise. For the past few days, no, longer than that, she had been absent. While in the human world he hadn't really dared to broach the Soi issue with her because it hadn't been an issue. It had been a simple arrangement of sex paying for security for Momo. Enjoyable but unimportant; or so he'd thought.

It wasn't possible to say when he'd begun to fall in love with Soi, or if this was love, or deep lust, infatuation, strong emotions, distinct liking, passion, desire or an undisciplined longing that was way out of control. They were just words, labels that meant nothing and didn't define their relationship. He didn't want to think about that, or her, or Momo, or Matsumoto. It was easier to think about paperwork. Predictable, boring and infuriating. He could dread paperwork, but it was a known quantity. It would recur but could be finished, at least for a time.

A discreet cough drew his attention back to the present. Paperwork! He was thinking about paperwork?

Re-reading the message he sighed heartily when he recognised the writing and understood the implications. In the excitement of the abduction and return of his lieutenant, the meetings and fights with Soi he had forgotten the undertaking he'd made to help Captain Ukitake. The note was a reminder and a demand, politely disguised as a request, for his attendance at 13th Division, immediately. He hoped it had nothing to do with the potentially disastrous liaison between Kiyone and Captain Kuchiki, but knew that it would be.

Still standing near the bathhouse, Toshiro considered returning within the welcoming warmth and hiding for a few more hours. He could get some sake or juice and food delivered and pass his time reading some of the classics he'd neglected due to lack of time. He could read 'The Temple of the Golden Pavilion' or the tales of the famous consulting detective who had a drug problem, or even the old fables he'd read as a child. Or he could nap. Or meditate. Due to recent events, the time spent communing with the spirit of his zanpakuto had been limited and he'd been told that it was important for his strength, that he spent time talking to the spirit. Love and other distractions had interfered.

Why had he agreed to help Ukitake? He didn't want to see the weeping Kiyone, or feel her arms feverishly embracing him as she pressed her shaking frame against his; not that it would definitely happen, but it might. At least Soi wouldn't be present and Rukia would be there…

With a sinking feeling he remembered that Rukia had already left and her influence would not be at work during this difficult meeting. It was going to be difficult. The plummeting feeling in his stomach warned him it was going to be hard. Having worked with Rukia in the human world, he had developed an appreciation of her level headed nature and sly sense of humour, even though she had often been inexplicably absent when she was required. He'd attributed that to the probability that she was becoming reacquainted with old friends, studying or spending time acting like a teenager. Without her presence the meeting might spiral out of control. Or, with any luck, Ukitake might have worked out the whole situation and he was only required to witness the betrothal contract. Who knew how nobles arranged marriages? He didn't and wasn't about to start researching the matter now. Other people's romances didn't concern him, except his lieutenants, and that was because he kept being dragged in through no fault of his own. Who knew that even after marriage, relationships could continue to be complex and uncertain?

Squaring his shoulders, he gave himself a mental shake. If he didn't answer the request he would shame his Division and his name. Having worked hard to prove that he was worthy of being a captain and a Shinigami, failing to meet this request would call into question his reliability. As fast as his reluctance would permit him he rushed, slowly, to the precincts of the 13th Division, trying, in vain, to persuade his mind that the sooner he was there, the sooner the meeting would be over and he could go and find forgetfulness in work or physical exercise of some form.

The door to Ukitake's office was opened before he tapped on it and an unknown Shinigami bowed low and politely ushered him into the room and chair before he was fully aware of his surrounding. Kiyone was there huddled in a chair facing her captain. Her eyes were red, but she was not crying. Her sister sat on Ukitake's right, her eyes fixed on her sister, her mouth set in a straight line. There were two more vacant chairs and Toshiro found he was sitting on Ukitake's left, wondering who the chairs were meant to seat. The Captain was pouring a pleasantly scented herbal tea into delicate porcelain cups, the curls of steam escaping over the lip. His hand moved involuntarily and Toshiro found he was sipping the rich blend of chamomile, lily root and honeysuckle tea before he realised what he was doing. The soothing taste and aroma eased some of his worries, and for the time it took to swallow the first cup he forgot why he was there and the potential issues that might be faced before he was free of this obligation.

Placing the cup back on the table and nodding enthusiastically when Ukitake offered him another cup, he didn't notice the door open and only the rustling of clothes and the slight angry and dismayed gasp drew his attention to the new arrival.

Soi, her face a careful but beautiful mask gazed back at him. Her dark eye burned with what he thought was anger in a face which seemed whiter than usual. There was no trace of colour on her cheekbones, no frown furrowed her brow. He could not see the wrinkle in the side of her nose that indicated her disdain. Wondering if she even saw him, a momentary desire to wave at her made his raise his hand, but he resisted the impulse. She was ushered to sit next to him and he noted how she moved her seat further from his in a pointed manner. The point was made. After the initial look, she studiously avoided his eyes, concentrating on the tea that Captain Ukitake poured.

Clearing his throat, Ukitake replaced the teapot on the brazier after replenishing the water. "Before Captain Kuchiki arrives, I think we need some agreement. He is, at present, I believe, unaware that he is fortunate to be gaining an heir."

A firm knock at the door interrupted. 'Enter," Captain Ukitake called.

The tall 6th Division Captain entered the room, almost eagerly for him, and then abruptly stopped as he noticed that the 13th Division Captain was not alone. "I am here is answer to your note that you have a message from my sister," the voice was less severe than normal. It sounded like the man was almost eager to obtain some news concerning Rukia.

"You ignored my previous requests to visit me," Captain Ukitake said as he pushed his hair back over his shoulders.

"Until this last time you did not mention a message from Rukia. I am extremely busy making preparations for tomorrow, as I am sure you understand, but I had hoped for some communication from my sister," Captain Kuchiki said briefly. "Was it a fabrication to draw me here?" His attitude had changed since his arrival and he was once again the noble who followed all the correct forms.

Captain Ukitake flinched and colour rose in his pale cheeks. "No, I do have a note for you." He removed a folded paper from his desk and handed it over to the Captain who carefully stored it before turning to leave. "Our business is not finished," the 13th Division Captain said hurriedly. "A few more minutes of your time, if you would be so kind."

"Oh, Captain. Please sit down and let me explain everything," Kiyone leapt to her feet and her hands reached out imploringly to the man who regarded her with a cool and dismissive expression.

Quickly he turned from her to the 13th Division Captain and spoke evenly. "You summoned me here, saying an urgent matter needed resolution, Ukitake and that you had a note from my sister. I now have the note. As I am sure you understand I have a number of issues to settle before I leave my Division in uncertain hands. Time is short and valuable. Explain, quickly."

Toshiro watched Kiyone sink back into her sat, her face white while her cheeks flamed a painful red. Her eyes were fixed on the man who had ignored her as if trying to will him to notice her, or at least acknowledge her existence. After glancing at Soi, Toshiro hoped that he did not show his emotions so blatantly. For that brief moment he felt some compassion for the girl, loving so hopelessly; but she made her feelings so obvious. A man who was as contained as the 6th Division Captain would not appreciate any public demonstration or declaration. He must find this situation galling.

"Please sit down, Captain Kuchiki. Let's act in a manner befitting Captains of the Seireitei."

"I do not need to be cautioned regarding my behaviour. I see no point in wasting time," the dark haired man cut in. He gave a quick and disinterested glance at Toshiro and Soi. "I see. You have convened a panel of witnesses."

Witnesses? What were they witnessing? All Toshiro could discern were the bad manners of a man who prided himself on the honour and behaviour of the noble clans. If so, he was providing a very bad example. Toshiro raised his eyebrow as he assessed the man who remained standing. For all his lack of movement and fixed expression, Toshiro sensed the man was very tense. He was furious, but determined not to show it.

"As is permitted," Ukitake's voice was carefully non-committal.

"Permitted or not. I will not be questioned like a child or called to account for my actions. I do not answer to you," the cold in the word cut through the room and Kiyone yipped gently before covering her mouth with her hand. Toshiro saw her teeth begin to chew on the glove as she raised her fearful eyes to gaze again with heartbreaking longing at the man she loved.

Soi stood abruptly. "Sit down, Captain Kuchiki. You have behaved in a manner which is unbecoming to one of your rank and background, or so I believe. You have this chance to present your case."

Such was the force of her words and the authority of her manner, the Captain quickly took his seat. With dignity, Soi resumed her seat while Captain Kuchiki turned his penetrating gaze on Soi's face as if he were assessing her. "I imagine that the girl has spoken of my misguided and foolish intercourse with her. It was unwise to hope that she would practice any discretion."

The blunt words ripped through the room, laying everything bare. Tears began to leak from Kiyone's eyes as her sister sat shocked at the lack of nobility displayed by the captain beside her. Toshiro felt a shudder of anger rip through him. The man was under stress, obviously, but he could have broached the subject with more delicacy, or made the admission with more finesse.

"You admit to having sexual relations with my third seat," Captain Ukitake was quickly regaining control of the situation.

"As it is clearly known to all of you, there is little point in denial. What of it? It was consensual; we are adults. It was on one night only and I did not seek to repeat the experience. I do not explain my actions to anyone," was the hard answer.

"My sister. You impregnated my sister," Isane said, her voice quiet but firm. "She is carrying the Kuchiki heir."

The object of the accusation folded his arms and looked sternly at the other Captains. "And you have proof that the child is mine? I was not her first sexual partner."

"It's yours, Byakuya. I couldn't let anyone touch me after I fell in love with you. Our baby is growing within me," Kiyone said shakily, but sincerely.

"We can prove it, once the baby is born," Isane said with conviction.

"But I know she was seen coming from your quarters," Captain Kuchiki said to Toshiro, pointedly ignoring the sisters. "How do I know it's not your child?"

Toshiro felt his mouth gape open. What the hell was going on here? He only came as a courtesy because Kiyone had got him involved and he'd been accused of fathering her child once already. "I didn't even kiss the girl," he responded angrily. "How did you know she visited me? Did you have her followed? Why?"

"You don't need to kiss a woman to beget a child," Captain Kuchiki said dismissively. "She was alone with you, in your quarters for some time. She states the child is mine. I argue that the child may be yours."

How many times was he going to be forced into this denial? He set his teeth ready to face this new accusation, thinking that each new disclosure of pregnancy only brought trouble. The faint pinch of guilt for not telling Momo of her condition made him resolve to do so at the earliest possible opportunity, though he knew that it would complicate matter even more.

"The child is not his," Soi said adamantly with a hesitation in her voice. "I discovered the identity of the father in discussions with the 3rd seat. She did not name you, but once I guessed correctly she agreed, with much hesitation and fear. I can understand her reaction now as you are proving to be as compassionate as any noble."

While it was pleasant to be given this support, Toshiro wondered why Soi was doing so and in such a forceful manner. And he felt an inclination to exclaim at her use of the word 'compassion'. Did she know the meaning of the word and how to apply it to her own life and make allowances for the weaknesses of others? He could almost hear a slightly protective note in her voice, but considering their last few encounters he knew that his mind was planting these foolish hopes within his heart. Soi hated him passionately and wanted to see him dead, almost as passionately as he wanted to see her naked and in his bed once more. Or looking at him with something other than loathing in her eyes.

"She might not be telling the truth," was the response.

The force in Captain Kuchiki's tone and the situation reminded Toshiro that he had happily accepted that another Captain was the father so he didn't have to experience the weight of suspicion or the expectation that he would marry Kiyone. He didn't want to have that suspicion or expectation return.

"Kiyone and I have not been intimate," Toshiro said, trying to infuse his words with integrity. He did not want anyone to even slightly doubt that he had anything to do with the parentage of her child. "I am here only by invitation to witness the events."

The dark haired captain raised his eyebrow and looked around the room. "I am already judged to be the father though no proof is offered and thus I am convicted without fair trial." He turned and gave Kiyone a measuring glance. "After our 'encounter' I half expected this and planned for it, but wished it would not happen. I married once, for selfish purposes. I am reluctant to marry again, but it will secure the succession. Anything more than marriage is out of the question: I want that understood."

Kiyone coughed, and then choked. "I know," she admitted quietly. "The baby is yours and I…."

"If you are preparing to admit to your emotions regarding me, don't. They are not my concern and they are not returned."

The silence following the hard words seemed to stretch as Captain Kuchiki sat straight in his chair and showed his dissatisfaction in his attitude.

Instead of submitting to the tears as expected, Kiyone copied the Captain and sat straight in her chair, her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip, which had a distressing tendency to wobble, her unswerving and pained gaze on his face. It was obvious that whatever she felt for the man, love, lust, adoration or something else was strong and she was using all her resources to act in a manner she believed he required. It was both inspiring and pitiful to watch.

"We cannot ascertain now if the child is mine?" The question was directed at Isane who answered directly.

"No. There is not enough time before we leave." It was clear that she resented the question.

"I see."

Again the silence lengthened and Toshiro felt obliged to say something, anything to dispel the growing tension. "How do you know she came to visit me?"

The look he received reminded him of how chilled Shunsui had looked when he'd lost his temper with him. Captain Kuchiki did not like answering questions. "To safeguard my honour. As I had slept with the woman and there was the possibility, slim though I thought it was, I could beget a child, I wanted to be certain of the parentage. Minor nobility, such as the family from which she is descended are not so careful of maintaining the purity of the line."

The audible gasp from both Kiyone and Isane proved that Captain Kuchiki's deliberate insult had proved effective. "I've never claimed we were nobility; even minor nobility," Isane said.

Captain Kuchiki looked like he would sniff with disinterest, but appeared to catch himself. "During our brief conversation I remember that your sister alluded to some claim of being related to one of the four noble families. As it did not interest me I let the matter rest. It seems that I was correct not to trust all her words."

"I wasn't lying. Not exactly. A long time ago I was told we had some claim," Kiyone said, trying to sound certain, but her voice wavered on the last few words.

Continuing without acknowledgement of the interruption, the Captain said, "As I have been summoned here I imagine I will be censured if I leave without making some sort of arrangement," Captain Kuchiki sighed as if the matter was of no account and bored him with its interference.

"We did hope that we could find a solution that would be agreeable to all parties," Captain Ukitake agreed gravely, his face set and his back rigid.

For the first time during this meeting, the dark haired captain looked directly at Kiyone. He ran his eyes over her face and figure with more calculation than desire and he nodded slightly.

"We can find agreement, but none of us will find satisfaction with the solution. There is not enough time to arrange a marriage, but I will agree to engage in an informal betrothal with the woman," he said in an assessing manner.

"That's rubbish. Captain Zaraki married….," Soi began.

This time the lip did curl in disdain but the Captain interrupted firmly. "Precisely. Captain Zaraki is common. His wife is also common, very common, and neither have a family or heritage to consider. I, however, must abide by the rules laid down by precedent. There are certain processes that must be observed."

Kiyone looked confused for a few minutes and then as she began to understand a tremulous smile visited her lips and the look of adoration she turned on the 6th Division Captain sickened Toshiro. Didn't she realise what he was saying? "You'll marry me? You'll really marry me?"

"Due to the nature of the mission, it is uncertain if I will return. Thus, an heir is necessary. I would have preferred a different mother, but I no longer have a choice in the matter. Ukitake, as you were preparing for this, I wish for you to draw up an informal betrothal document which can be witnessed by the Captains gathered here," the words came out, stilted and unwilling.

"I recommend a formal engagement. It will not be open to dispute," Isane said, her voice carrying through the room. The slight tremor was unmistakable, but Captain Ukitake nodded in agreement.

A deep and petulant sigh escaped Byakuya. "Very well. Do it now and I will affix my seal. It need only cover the pertinent facts."

Captain Ukitake wrote quickly, the strokes of his brush both strong and deliberate as he worded the document according to the prescribed formula. Glancing at the characters, Toshiro admired the fine calligraphy and the clever wording. The document was binding and unambiguous, plainly stating that both parties were entering the engagement freely and had no prior ties that would prevent a marriage. Handing the document to the 6th Division Captain, he stated, "It provides the basic outline. A marriage contract will require more detail."

The room was silent as the document was read, once, twice. Pulling his seal from his sash, Captain Kuchiki with no show of eagerness pressed it onto the document. Almost as soon as his seal left the document, Kiyone was pressing her seal firmly on the paper, confirming her consent.

Minutes later the document was witnessed and Captain Ukitake smiled benevolently at the engaged couple. "You are now officially engaged. You may kiss your betrothed."

"That will not be necessary. I would request that news of this transaction does not leave this room until either I return, the child is born, or news of my demise is received," was the demand presented to all present by Captain Kuchiki.

"Anything you request I will do, Byakuya. Aren't you going to kiss me?" Kiyone asked imploringly.

"No. As I stated before, there is no need. This marriage may as well have been arranged between two people who have never met. I will now go and resume preparations for my departure." The words echoed through the room, as did the slam of the door.

Isane stood and then hesitated. She looked at the door and then her sister. "I have to go too. Kiyone, it will work out. You're short and cute, not a tall, gawky stork like me. Once he gets to know you, I'm sure that he'll…," Isane paused and coughed. Her confusion and discomfort were noticeable. "It will work out, somehow."

Even though she was trying hard to provide assurance, Isane was uncertain and it would have been better if she had said nothing. Kiyone was sitting very still. The two refusals to kiss her had obviously hit hard.

"Does anyone want some more tea?" Captain Ukitake asked smoothly.

"Thank you," Soi said. "A pleasant blend."

Tea? Soi and Captain Ukitake were talking about tea as Kiyone continued to stare where her betrothed had sat a few minutes previously, clearly having difficulty accepting that she was engaged and that Captain Kuchiki had rejected her lips twice. Toshiro wondered which was the more difficult to accept.

"Your child will have a father, Kiyone," Isane said gently. "It will be loved and given every advantage as the Kuchiki heir. If the Captain does not return, you will be treated as if you had married him."

"May I have some tea?" Kiyone requested. Her voice sounded like it had to pass some large obstacle to emerge from her throat. "My throat is very dry."

Captain Ukitake poured her a cup and passing it to her observed, "Tea can be soothing and relax the nerves. It may not always be what you want, but on occasions can offer part of what you need."

The comment seemed rather out of place. The woman was now engaged to a reluctant bridegroom who had barely acknowledged her presence and had told her, in front of witnesses that he didn't care for her and didn't wish to hear about her feelings. Tea was a weak restorative, but now she was pregnant Kiyone wouldn't be drinking anything stronger, would she?

"Tea isn't always a panacea," Isane said very quietly. "I know that talking to a person who cares for you, despite the mistakes you've made, can help too. Kiyone, I have to go tomorrow and my Captain was reluctant to let me come here, but all the time I have free, I will share with you," she said and then seemed to be struck by an idea. "Captain Ukitake, would you permit my sister to assist me with my planning?"

Kiyone didn't seem enthusiastic, but Captain Ukitake smiled, clearly relieved. "I think that's a splendid idea. Kiyone, I will see you once the mission has departed."

It took some urging and a great amount of pleading, but Isane managed to get her sister on her feet and out the door leaving Soi and Toshiro alone with the Captain. It struck Toshiro how quiet Soi had been and looking at her, he noticed that she was staring into space, as if she were thinking deeply about something. Rather than spend any more time in this situation, and before the woman could again say anything or inflict physical damage on him, he decided to leave. All their recent encounters confirmed that while he might experience strong feelings for Soi, the only feelings that she displayed appeared to be an irrational anger and hatred. What was causing these reactions he didn't know, but finding out would prove difficult, he was sure.

At a loose end, he decided to visit Momo. Tomorrow, once Zaraki left he would gain Matsumoto's assistance and finally break the news to his friend. Would the news of her pregnancy shock her enough that she would regain her commonsense? Her unrelenting insistence that he fetch Captain Aizen for her was proving very irritating and made him concerned for her sanity.

"Not exactly the result I had wished for," Captain Ukitake mused aloud, making Toshiro stare at the man. Lost in his thoughts the sound of the voice was a shock but he answered instinctively.

"We don't always get what we wish for." The words were dragged from him as he thought about Soi.

"Nor everything we need," Soi said distantly and then started and looked at both the men as if wondering why they were there. "I have fulfilled my duty here, Captain Ukitake. In future I trust you will deal with your personnel problems internally and not seek to involve me." Without waiting for an answer, Soi bowed sketchily and left.

"Oh, dear. I seem to have upset Captain Fong," Captain Ukitake said easily, not appearing very concerned by the situation.

"You and me both," Toshiro said moodily. Then before the other Captain could ask the questions that Toshiro could see were forming in his mind he added quickly, "I must go too. We'll all find extra work results with this mission and filling in the gaps left by other Captains. I hope everything works out for Kiyone," he said and left.

"But it won't," were his internal thoughts having reviewed the conversation. He was certain that this was another relationship doomed to end even before it began.

* * *

A.N.

'The Last Time' The Thrillseekers

'Grace Kelly' Mika

'You Can't Always Get What You Want' The Rolling Stones

All the guesses about who sent the basket to Soi cracked me up. Next chapter might provide some answers.

Review. I like reviews. And thanks to the people who have reviewed.


	30. Friend's Failure

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**Friend's Failure**

It was odd how the importance of time measured by hours and minutes had been displaced by the importance of events. When Matsumoto had been dying he had measured the passage of minutes by the fluctuations of her reiatsu, not caring to think about another means of calculation. Once he felt assured of her recovery other disturbances had pushed the observance of the passage of time into the background and now he finally checked the hour. It was late afternoon.

The interrupted night, the hours spent 'relaxing' in the bathhouse and then the unexpected meeting had blended together the day passed without him picking up a brush to complete his own paperwork. It was certain to be increasing by the moment, but he couldn't find the energy to care. Any vigour he had drained from him, whether through his feet or head he wasn't certain and cared less. A dangerous lethargy was overtaking him as the import of his last interaction with Soi gradually revealed the hidden truth.

She had used the word compassion, but he was of the opinion she didn't know what it meant. During the meeting with Byakuya she hadn't looked at him, her lips had often been tightly pressed together and she had seemed distracted. The abrupt manner in which she left only proved that she could not stand to be in his company, not even with another Captain there to ensure nothing untoward could be said or done. Everything he had seen and sensed only confirmed his impression that Soi hated him.

That was the main source of his lethargy. Any hope of an eventual reconciliation with the woman had withered. After he checked on Momo, he'd find Shunsui and make him supply the alcohol and conversation as he became drunk and maudlin. They could talk about women and how they were ultimately a disappointment because they never acted in the manner expected. Women knew nothing about love; they didn't feel the emotion as deeply as men. A few tears and it was over, like it had never happened if they could be bothered to even cry.

Except for Momo and Matsumoto. The weeks that had been consumed by Matsumoto's moping had both angered and frustrated him. Words brought her no consolation and even when she did try to concentrate on work he needed to correct all her mistakes. It would have been quicker if he'd done it himself.

Momo was not acting the way anyone expected. At the thought of yet another inquisition about Aizen, stupor weighed heavily on his limbs. The man hadn't interested him much before he'd been revealed to be a traitor and now the mere mention of his name on Momo's lips and he was ready to bolt out the door and eat anything sweet that came in his reach. Not that he was fond of sweets, but the cloying sweetness of sugar satisfied some internal need. Whatever it was, it wasn't important.

With increasing lack of enthusiasm he walked toward 4th Division. The gathering twilight shrouded the heavens with a darkening light that eased his spirit as it echoed his mood. Tomorrow at least one matter would be resolved and he could reassure himself regarding the health of his lieutenant. It would be good to see Matsumoto smile at him again, and ruffle his hair, though he hoped she wouldn't hug him too hard. That was always problematic, especially the ability to breathe if she was being exceptionally affectionate. Idly and as a distraction, he wondered if her marriage and recent experiences would have changed her.

A near death experience, the revelation about the rape, the reunion with the man who had betrayed her, the beating and the rescue. Surely one of these experiences would have left some mark on her; but he hoped not. Some women would be reduced to a shell of fear and inability to cope with all those experiences, but he didn't expect that of his friend.

"Hanatoro," he said, sighing loudly as he approached the man. "How's Lieutenant Hinamori?"

"Not much has changed. Lieutenant Izuru was here earlier, visiting her. She seems very happy chatting with him about when they were at the Academy. That's all they seem to talk about, now." Hanatoro smiled gently as he frowned.

"The past is safer than the present," Toshiro said, meaning the words.

"But none of us can live there," Captain Unohana said, making Toshiro start at her voice. "Here to visit Momo again, Captain Hitsugaya? I haven't seen Captain Fong since her earlier visit."

Toshiro turned and stared at the medical officer. Why was she mentioning Soi to him? He hoped she wouldn't say anything about the linen room, but why would she? Deciding to answer the question he said, "Captain Fong's movements are not my interest. I thought I would see if Momo was well."

"You have to tell her, Captain, about her condition. She should have been informed by now and it is only because you asked that I keep matters secret that she still doesn't know," her words were matched by a fixed and intense gaze.

Feeling under pressure from her gaze and words he wriggled slightly and said, "Tomorrow. I'll tell her tomorrow."

A small nod indicated that she accepted his words as if they were a promise. "I am positive you will, Captain. And if you do not, I will leave orders that she is told before the day is over." Her departure was as quiet as her arrival.

As he walked with decreasing speed toward the room, he pondered the impacts of the departures. Four Captains would be departing, with their lieutenants, on the following morning. That would leave the Seireitei in its lowest defensive position since the sudden departure of those captains he'd heard about. 7 Captains from 13 meant they would have to be more vigilant and careful than before. Was this really the right time to divide their already depleted forces? The War was approaching and perhaps this fragmentation was exactly what Aizen had hoped for; a better chance to divide the power even more. There was no doubt in Toshiro's mind that Aizen wouldn't have permitted this to happen to his own soldiers, but he didn't need to factor in misplaced loyalty, or that was exactly what he had done in his abduction of that girl.

A grim smile fixed itself onto Toshiro's face. The traitors knew exactly what they were doing. Each move had been manufactured to keep the Seireitei off balance; the Captains concentrating on immediate matters rather than long term plans. Aizen may have moved slowly, but each step of treachery had been examined and judged before he had permitted his foot to move forward. The girl, Ichigo, the friendships that had been formed so recently were a gift to the man, one which he gladly accepted and acted upon. Did the man plan his meals with this amount of forethought and intensity? And the other activities in his life?

He'd made one or two errors, or were they errors? Sending Ichimaru to kidnap Ran. That had been a tactical mistake; hadn't it? He couldn't have known about the recently formed romantic entanglement and marriage. That would have been impossible; unless a spy remained in the Seireitei, conveying information to the traitors. The invasion, the timing, the abduction. Swallowing heavily he tried to ignore the dread that was echoing through his bones.

The man had spent years laying his plans and had obviously spent his time in the Seireitei observing the people there. A number of deaths could be attributed to him, including that of the 13th Divisions lieutenant and his wife. He had used that relationship to remove two threats while forcing guilt and grief on a Division already weakened by the health of its Captain. Had he planned on the removal of Yoruichi Shihoin, Tessai Tsukabashi and Kisuke Urahara at the same time that the other captains had disappeared? Since no one had replaced either the Kido Corps master or his assistant, much had been lost by this neglect. No one remained who knew all 99 forms of kido and many struggled to gain the correct techniques. Only a handful of the spells were in common usage.

While he hadn't been present when so many captain positions had been vacant, he'd heard stories and rumours. He'd at one time thought of asking Soi to tell him what it had been like in the immediate aftermath. Then he realised that would mean reminding her of Yoruichi, which he tried not to do. It had taken some time to fill the vacancies; that much he did know from a few comments he'd heard. Aizen had been promoted, but there had been stop gap measures taken. At that time there was not a major threat like the Winter War looming. Or had the Seireitei been facing another threat at the time which no one had noticed? Now it was obvious it had been facing one, but the threat was internal and the normal vigilance would have been relaxed due to the lack of direction. In retrospect it seemed clear that the sudden disappearance of so many Shinigami and Captains within a few days had not been a tragic accident. It had been part of a carefully constructed plan to manoeuvre the traitors into the necessary positions required for this series of events.

What could he do? If he tried speaking to the Old Man the chances were his analysis would be dismissed. He knew that Captain Ukitake might listen, but after recent events he felt disinclined to spend any more time in 13th Division. The last few occasions he had visited had promoted a feeling of unease each time he approached the place. Shunsui might listen, but would he take any action, despondent as he was from being discarded by Isane?

With a jolt, Toshiro realised it hadn't registered on him each time he had seen Isane recently. He had not observed her closely to see if she was suffering from the separation. But given the circumstances of their recent meetings he didn't think the 4th Division lieutenant had her mind fixed on anything but the problems resulting from Kiyone's brief liaison with Byakuya. Today she had seemed tremendously distracted, but that was possibly due to her imminent departure to Hueco Mundo and the confrontation. Even though he was in 4th Division he had no impulse to follow the matter up. It was not his business if his friend had lost the woman who obviously meant a lot to him. She wouldn't welcome the interference and he wouldn't know what to say.

All these unresolved and unhappy loves were creating an anxious and urgent feeling in the Seireitei. Even the recent marriage had been interrupted by the major issue of the abduction and near death of the bride. Was there a curse that prevented any happy solutions to these apparently ill formed relationships? It would explain his tempestuous and unhappy entanglement with Soi.

All this thinking had made him stop and he found he was outside the room which contained his friend. "Go and see Momo," he instructed himself. "This is getting me nowhere."

He entered the room and noticed that his friend was once more asleep. Her hands were resting gently and protectively on her stomach. "Does she know? Is it instinct?" he asked himself.

Not wanting to contemplate her response to the news he would be imparting tomorrow, he glanced around the room. A large basket stood on a table. Curious, he walked close, noticing the ugly and garish decoration the bedecked the exterior. Yellow and purple! Obviously the person who chose this had little taste. Purple? Could it be from Kenpachi? Deep purple was the colour he favoured, but why would he send a present to Momo? He barely knew her, from what Toshiro could remember. He would have been to busy to arrange something like this, unless he'd sent it to Matsumoto who gave it to Momo, but that still seemed wrong. It was not an action he would expect the 11th Division Captain to make. The colour wasn't deep purple, nor was it the royal purple that Yamamoto favoured, but he was certain he'd seen that colour purple previously. It had to be significant! As he looked at it he decided it was more mauve than purple. Not his favourite colour.

Yellow. Yellow reminded him of the sash Soi wore. The sash he'd undone with such pleasure and anticipation. If anything he was certain that she would never send a present to Momo, unless it contained something harmful. The disdain with which she spoke of his friend was proof she would not send any gift. Beside that, the overdone and tasteless decorations bore no resemblance to her austere likes. As he examined it closer he noticed strange figures. Some looked like bad representations of gods, good luck charms and rings. If someone had no taste whatsoever, they might decorate a present like this for a prospective bride.

Did that mean someone was interested in marrying Momo? The thought made his heart rest considerably easier in his chest as he looked at the contents. Bananas! Why did it have to contain bananas? When he saw them he thought of Soi and the vicious insult he'd delivered when he was angry. Pomegranates, lychees and tomatoes? Why would someone send tomatoes in a basket like this? Did he see some lotus root also? It was an expensive present and apart from the fruit, there was a toy black cat lying on top. It was a cute representation, but again it made him think of Soi.

All together it was a strange item to find in his sick friend's room. His ears picked up the crinkle of paper and he noticed that, without thinking about it, he'd picked up the card that accompanied the gift. Not looking at the envelope he read the inscription in the card and grimaced. 'A Secret Admirer'. But why call Momo a Captain? Feeling a surge of alarm, he looked at the envelope and saw the words written there that confirmed his worst fears. It was addressed to Captain Soi Fong.

He stared at the words and unformed words and unfinished ideas flowed through his mind. Bananas. Tokens of luck, fertility and marriage. That was what decorated the basket. That with the message made an unpalatable fact very clear. He was not the only person interested in Soi. At first he felt startled: her attitude did not invite suitors, but she would be a good match for any Shinigami.

An ironic smile touched his lips. At least he knew the basket was not from Zaraki or Captain Kuchiki. The yellow decorations now made sense, but the mauve confused him. Not Zaraki, not the Old Man. He searched his mind again for that elusive mauve item he'd seen someone wearing. Again the image flitted at the edge of his consciousness only to dissipate as soon as he tried to examine it closely. Someone was courting Soi, with intent to marry her, and from the contents of the basket, the man wanted children. Whoever had sent the present had money.

Then another thought struck him. Why was the basket here, in Momo's room. As the truth hit him he sank into a convenient chair. Soi thought he'd sent it to her! The bananas! No wonder she had been so cool and wished to escape from his presence as soon as she could. A black cat! Another blow to her self esteem and a reminder of her troubled past. If she believed he sent it to her, he would never be able to recover from this disaster!

Soi had been restrained when she'd hurt him after the last Captain's meeting, assuming this basket had been received before then. He would never have sent her something like this, except he'd sort of considered it. She'd given the basket to Momo in a hostile gesture, obviously indicating that as she believed he'd sent the basket, she would give it to the woman he'd mentioned he'd considered marrying. Rubbing his finger along his top lip it seemed as if he was doomed. Unless he could prove the identity of the 'Secret Admirer' he would never be able to recover from this debacle. He may as well marry Momo and live miserably ever after, satisfying duty but denying love.

Irritably he left and returned to his quarters. In bed sleep eluded him. Each of his recent meetings with Soi played through his mind and their conversations now seemed strangely disjointed. Almost as if they were talking about different things, while the flow appeared normal. Her reaction when he'd told her that their relationship wouldn't go away had been extreme. Was there a possibility that there was another factor at work of which he was still unaware? Did she have an attachment to one of the traitors? He shook his head, dismissing the notion. That didn't work. Nor did it seem likely that she'd heard Yoruichi was returning because that news would have spread through the gossip infested Seireitei like an airborne disease.

He turned over, trying to find a place in the bed that seemed comfortable. It didn't help. Turning again he pushed the hair off his forehead and then rubbed his face against the sheet. It didn't help. The air felt heavy and he knew he would long for morning to arrive. When morning came he would meet with Matsumoto and ask her advice. An irritating itch made him scratch his leg. He'd sort out the issue with Momo and maybe arrive at a solution of how to resolve the current dilemma he had regarding Soi. Now his other leg itched. Above all else, he wanted to at least recover something, even if it was a pale friendship that could never be rekindled to the passion. For some reason his knee felt uncomfortable, and he tried moving it until it seemed okay.

Bugger that! He wanted the passion. After experiencing that with Soi he'd never be content with a stupid friendship that would mean he'd have to watch the woman he wanted with other people. How could he be content with that? He'd want to kick whoever it was, hard and he'd end up freezing them with his glare. Foolish he might be, but not so foolish as to expect Soi to eschew all possibilities of romance after failing with him and Yoruichi. His knee began protesting again and he flexed it a few times to work out any tension. Then his elbow was twisted. Finally a cramp formed in his foot.

Frustrated at all the minor irritations he rose from his bed and remembering his earlier resolve, he decided to visit Shunsui. If the man was asleep, he'd wake him and they could drink and drink a bit more. Lying in a lonely bed, staring at a ceiling was unpleasant and with the recent events sprinting through his mind he needed distraction for a space.

Arriving at his friend's quarters, he observed that there was a light showing and a slurred voice spoke from within. "Unless you've got sake, go away."

Just by chance, and because he'd guessed the conditions of entry, he pushed open the door and showed the present he was carrying.

"Come in, pour a drink and join me in mournful silence," Shunsui said. The smile he normally wore was lopsided and the lines around his eyes were more acute. He pushed a cup toward Toshiro and held out his own. As soon as it was full he gulped down the contents and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

"Another one comes to ask advice?" Shunsui said.

Wondering what he meant, Toshiro noticed a large open box of sake. "Why did you demand sake if you already have it?"

"I decided that most visitors want something from me. Why should I give away anything for free? I gave my heart freely and had it returned at great cost. Now I realise that we all must pay."

It seemed strange for someone to bring a large amount of sake to Shunsui. Placing the bottle in the middle of the table he skirted the query he wanted to raise. "It must have been a hard question."

A harsh laugh was his answer. "All questions are hard. Otherwise, why ask?"

Another cup was drunk. "Advice from the lovelorn to the distressed," he adopted a falsetto voice. "How do I make a woman fall in love with me?" he fluted and then laughed again. "Love. Why ask me about love? Love has left me. Love is leaving tomorrow without a goodbye." A loud slurping noise indicated the man was having another drink. "But he asked and I told him to send gifts. Women like gifts."

Gifts? In the process of raising his cup the word startled him and he spilt the sake over the table.

"Sorry," he blurted out.

"It's a waste of good sake. Waste. It's a waste of time trying to make a woman come back. You beg, they ignore you, you send gifts and they return them, unopened. She didn't even read my note."

In all the possible outcomes of this visit he hadn't expected to become Shunsui's confidant about his problems. With his limited and pathetic experience it was evident he was in no position to provide any solutions to the older man, but he decided to listen.

"I don't know what happened. I thought everything was going well. We'd agreed we loved each other. What obstacle could there be? We were even talking about a future. It would have been a long future, but I didn't see things changing. When she asked, I said I didn't want anything to change." Shunsui thought and then shook his head. "I sent her a present the next day: an antique hair ornament that she would wear in her delightfully short hair. She returned it."

"But you advised this man to send a gift even though yours didn't work?"

"Why should anyone else find love? He's a flabby fool anyway. More inclined to think about food than sweet words. I pity the woman he's chosen to woo. But he has money. Lots of money." Shunsui drank another cup and slopped some more into Toshiro's nearly empty cup. "I bet he sent food. That'd be like him."

Gingerly, Toshiro picked up the drink and sipped. The burn of the liquor traced a path down his throat and settled uneasily in his stomach. "When was this? Who was it?"

Shunsui closed one eye and placed his forefinger against the side of his nose. "Yesterday. Secret," he said. "Guess. If you get it wrong you have to drink a cup. And I'll join you."

"Can I guess without drinking?"

The emphatic shaking of his friend's head indicated that this was not going to be an option. "That's the price. I told you, everything has a price."

Throughout the conversation Toshiro had picked up a few things. The man was fat and not very intelligent and rich. He must be a Shinigami and so must the woman. From the timing and the mention of food he was certain that the woman mentioned was Soi. "Did he tell you who the woman was?"

"No. I'm not interested, unless it's Isane. I asked if the woman was tall but he said she's short, so I didn't care after that."

Short! It had to be Soi. But who could the man be? Thinking quickly he eliminated most of the Captains. Some of them might be rich, but none of them flaunted their money. It wouldn't be Captain Kuchiki, or Zaraki. They were already involved, one reluctantly and the 6th Division captain had never shown any partiality for Soi. Quite the opposite. Immediately he began to consider lieutenants. No one much further down the chain of commence would dare court a captain.

A Shinigami with a liking of the colour mauve, who was fat, rich, stupid and looking for a wife. As he began to comprehend who may have sent the basket to Soi he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh, scream or be ill. The idea was disgusting and funny at the same time and now he knew why the mauve colour was familiar. It was the same shade as the scarf or whatever it was he wore around his shoulders. Knowing how Soi felt about the man made the incident seem farcical and he wondered how she would feel if she knew the 'Secret Admirer'.

Deciding to play along he asked, "Was it Chojiro Sasakibe?"

Shunsui sniggered. "He's not stupid. Nor fat. Have a drink."

Toshiro drank the cup in celebration now he'd worked out the problem. "It was Marechiyo Omaeda."

His mouth falling open, Shunsui looked blearily across the table. "I gave you too many clues. That means you win. I suppose you better have a prize. Choose something." Motioning toward his room with the hand that wasn't holding a cup Shunsui changed the subject, obviously to the topic that absorbed him, "I didn't mean the joke to go so far. Do you think Isane wanted change? Is that why she left?"

Choosing his words carefully and emboldened by the spirits he'd drunk, Toshiro asked, "Tell me a little about the conversation?" Rising to his feet he wandered over to the table and saw something that startled him. He wanted it, not for himself, but for Soi. Would he be able to persuade his friend to give it to him? He'd said a prize, but this was expensive and not something to be given away lightly.

"We were lying in bed and she was talking about The Wedding. Hell, all the women are talking about The Wedding. I blame Kenpachi for it. I said it was nice that Kenpachi and Ran got married. She said she thought it was wonderful, but it would mean a big change for them. I mentioned that Kenpachi said Ran was pregnant and that was the reason he was marrying her. She went quiet and said that it would mean a very big change and asked how I felt about change."

Toshiro nodded and picked up the small statuette. A hornet! It would be perfect for Soi. Change. Marriage would mean change and so would a baby. Did he want to marry Soi? He'd already promised Zaraki that their children would play together.

"And you said?" he prompted, dragging his attention back to the present. He'd have to work the request into the conversation, but now seemed a bad time.

"I said why change when nothing's wrong?"

That struck a chord in Toshiro. The mention of change had soured everything he had with Soi, whatever it was they'd had.

"She said that things were changing between us. They'd changed from the first time we kissed. I told her not to be silly; that everything was going to remain the same."

That seemed an odd thing to say. It sounded like she was hinting at something, but right now Toshiro couldn't work out what it was. They'd agreed they were in love and were looking toward a future. What was she worried about? Had she fallen out of love with Shunsui? Yet, if she felt like that, she would have told him to his face. Shunsui's assumption that nothing would change was wrong. They'd been talking about something that caused immense change.

"Marriage," he said reflectively as he reviewed their conversation. Shunsui and Isane had been talking about Matsumoto and Zaraki's marriage and the possibility of a child.

Shunsui sat up straight suddenly. "Did she want me to ask her to marry me? Is that the problem?"

Nodding slowly, Toshiro said, "I thought you were the expert on women. Why do woman talk about other people's relationships or marriages? Could she have been hinting?"

"Marry? Me? Marry Isane. Why would I? It would mean…"

"Change," Toshiro said.

"Being tied down to only one woman! Isane's nice and lovely and intelligent, but I don't want to get married. I'm too young."

Wide eyed at that comment, Toshiro stared at the man. Young? Who was he trying to convince? "What?"

"You know what I mean. Another sweet and lovely woman might come along. I might lose interest. I might fall out of l…"

Toshiro seized on the phrase. "Love."

Shunsui frowned at the use of the word and continued. "I like her. She's sensible, most of the time, but not intense like Nanao." A small secretive smile crossed his face. "Isane is shy and humble and so fervent. And the way she smiles at me when she wakes up makes me want to hold her close and breathe in the scent of her skin. I want to cradle her in my arms and protect her so she won't worry about any silly mistakes."

"Like? It sounds deeper than that."

Shunsui suddenly seemed more sober. "I'm not saying that word seriously. Not the one you mean."

"You were quite happy to say it many times earlier. Love is leaving. Giving your heart. You'd agreed you were in love with each other," not knowing why he was persisting, Toshiro was facing up to his feelings as he tried to make Shunsui aware of his.

A shuttered look came over the 8th Division Captain's face. "That was a private moment which I shouldn't have shared. For the rest of it, I was being melodramatic. I didn't mean what I said. The sake was making me maudlin and sad."

"So love is okay as long as it's not permanent." He'd said what they were both trying to deny. They might say they wanted it, but when it came to the moment of commitment, fear took over.

"Love is meant to be passing."

"You're lucky then. Your love is passing from here to Hueco Mundo," Toshiro said with calculated cruelty. "She might not come back."

Shunsui shut his eyes and bowed his head. Waiting for a response, it seemed to Toshiro that the man might have fallen asleep but when Shunsui opened his eyes his gaze was directed toward a small but perfect vase which contained one red rosebud.

"I can do nothing more. I've sent her flowers, presents but they've all been returned. When I visit 4th Division she's always too busy to see me. I tried speaking to Retsu, but she only smiled and told me that her lieutenant has much to occupy her time," the dejection in his voice was unmistakable. "Would you talk to her for me?"

If the man had asked him out on a date he couldn't be more surprised. "What? Tonight?"

Shunsui looked hopeful and then shook his head. "It's late and she needs to sleep. You could visit 4th Division tomorrow but they're leaving so early."

"I'll talk to her when she comes back," Toshiro offered knowing it was an unsatisfactory offer. "Or I could send her a message on your behalf."

Shunsui quickly got writing implements and encouraged Toshiro to write a note at his dictation. Summoning a messenger the note was sent and having completed the action, Shunsui brightened. "Since you've tried to help me out, you can have that hornet. I owe you anyway. It's valuable, an antique, but I never liked it much. Angry looking thing: it seems like it would sting you if it was alive."

Toshiro's tongue felt large in his mouth as he tried to thank his friend. He had the present, but how did he get it to Soi? She'd reject anything he sent. Why was the woman so unreasonable? Why couldn't she accept he'd made a mistake? She'd made mistakes too, but he wasn't going say anything.

He again remembered their last private conversation. Concealing a groan as a yawn, it struck him that Shunsui was yawning at the same time. Bidding farewell to his friend he made his way slowly home. There had to be a solution to his difficulties with Soi.

* * *

A.N.

Soundtrack

'Burden of the Past' Bleach Original Soundtrack 1

'Sad but True' Orbital

'End of All Hope' Nightwish

The next chapter. In time. I hope Toshiro can think of something clever.

Review. I like reviews.


	31. Distant Love

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**Distant Love**

Blinking hard against the wind, Toshiro wondered why such a large crowd, many of them members of 10th and 11th Divisions, were waiting outside Zaraki's quarters. He had a reason to be there, he was here to collect his lieutenant, restored to him at last. They were in his way and he had to push past many people to get closer to the door.

"I can't wait to see Ran and see she's really okay. I know Captain Unohana reported that she'd recovered, but that's just words. If I can see for myself, then I'll be happy," he heard one of his subordinates say to another.

Staring at the man who'd spoken he tried to comprehend what was being said. In the last few days he'd been disorientated and hadn't considered how the news of the abduction and brutal attack on their lieutenant might have affected people other than himself, Zaraki, Soi and Retsu. There had been the crowd outside 4th Division, but it hadn't struck him at the time that the group consisted of people who had more than a passing interest. That was because Matsumoto wasn't there to remind him.

"I know she's recovered," he said brusquely to the man causing him to jump with surprise.

"Captain Hitsugaya, I didn't see you…. I mean I didn't notice…Um, should I shut up now, Sir?" The man seemed painfully aware that he'd made a mistake.

"That would be a good idea," Toshiro said shortly. It irked him when people said they hadn't seen him, implying as it did that he was so short that he was hidden from view. His Division had been made aware of the respect they owed him and this man was obviously fearful of consequences.

Pushing past the shamed man and his friend, he found a space near Captain Unohana who was looking both tired and introspective. While he was wondering what was on her mind they exchanged greetings and he noticed her eyes were fixed on the door.

"We must leave soon. I wonder; do I dare knock?" the 4th Division Captain murmured, as if to herself.

An urge to grin briefly overcame Toshiro. It was unexpectedly reassuring to find another Captain sometimes wondered about the next action that should be taken. He'd been reminded enough times that his role was to always appear in control and in full command of the situation.

"I'll knock if you call out," he offered.

A small smile greeted his offer. "If you promise to protect me from Captain Zaraki," she said and the smile grew wider. "He will not be happy at having his honeymoon cut short a second time, even though it was his own idea."

Toshiro nodded in agreement. That was very true. He rapped hard on the door while Captain Unohana called out, "It's time Captain. We have to leave now."

They waited and nothing happened.

A few ribald comments began to be passed from one group to another as the waiting people speculated as to what was happening inside. Toshiro didn't bother with speculation after his previously disturbing visions. Instead he asked, "How long do you think they'll make us wait?"

Retsu, a small frown wrinkling her forehead, replied, "Not too long I hope. This could get quite embarrassing."

Minutes passed and Toshiro glanced worriedly at the crowd which was getting larger. "Should we try to force the door?"

"I do not wish to attend to wounded Shinigami before I leave," Retsu said sensibly. "Captain Zaraki would not appreciate that level of intrusion."

More time passed slowly by and giving into his impulse he began knocking on the door without cease. Had too much sex made them deaf to everything else? As his knuckles slammed over and over into the wood he could feel the strength he was exerting increase. They had to respond; this had end sometime!

The door opened and there was Matsumoto, her eyes dreamy and sleepy, her hair disarranged, with a rather interesting robe mostly concealing her curves. Red marks covered her skin and her lips looks bruised. She was proof that the speculation had not been idle.

After fearing for her safety and then fervently wishing for her recovery she didn't notice him. Her eyes scanned the crowd in disbelief and finally settled on Retsu with relief.

"Did you sleep at all?" Captain Unohana asked.

Matsumoto didn't answer. Seconds after the door had opened, it shut again with Captain Unohana inside. Toshiro stood there, open-mouthed. What was going on? He'd noticed the flash of panic in his lieutenant's eyes and wondered what had caused it.

His ignorance didn't last for long. The door opened again and he was pulled inside by Captain Unohana. Matsumoto was the only other occupant of the room and the room seemed slightly larger without the looming presence of the Captain.

"Captain Hitsugaya, you will need to watch Lieutenant Matsumoto," she began and he waited for the explanation. "She will occasionally suffer memory loss due to an untested treatment I used to keep her alive and it will be necessary to administer this." She handed him a box. "There are instructions inside. You will need to check her each morning as it seems to occur after she has slept. When she loses her memory she returns to the time before the Ryoka came. That could prove dangerous. Ran, I really should be studying you and testing these side effects, but I promised I would join this mission and I cannot change my mind. When I return we will work on a cure. Please go to 4th Division every day for a check up; that way we can monitor your progress."

"I know this is a stupid request, but please, try to watch over Zaraki while you're gone. I know it will be hard, but try to stop him from doing anything stupid," Matsumoto asked Captain Unohana with a passion and urgency he'd rarely heard from her.

He had begun to understand what Captain Unohana had said and it seemed impossible to believe. "You forgot you're married? That might not be a bad thing."

Heavy footsteps heralded the arrival of Zaraki who overheard his last statement. "It is. Take care of her, Captain, or I will cut you to pieces slowly when I return. You promised me that you would defend my wife and I'm holding you to that." Zaraki was standing in the doorway dominating the room, his arms were crossed and his face implacable.

Incensed at the possible insult, Toshiro stood straight and scowled at Zaraki. "I agreed to protect my Lieutenant, not your wife. I will protect her as my friend and adjunct; her relationship with you is immaterial. Now we will escort you to the bridge. I think you should leave now before the others become impatient,"

"I better change," Matsumoto said and hurried from the room.

During her absence further explanations were offered regarding the memory loss. Before Matsumoto returned, Zaraki said seriously, "Don't let her follow me, unless the situation gets out of hand. She'll be safer here, for the present."

Toshiro thought about it. "You know she will try to follow you."

"Of course she will. I suppose you'll have to let her, eventually. Make sure she doesn't go alone. I don't want her alone at any time."

Thinking about it, Toshiro nodded. Nothing was certain and further attempts to abduct of hurt his friend could recur. "I'll be vigilant."

"Yeah, you better be or I'll slice you into sushi when I return." The mocking smile on Zaraki's face was more threatening than amused.

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth but he suppressed it. "I'd like to see you try."

Before Zaraki could answer, Matsumoto had returned to the room and immediately gazed with determined longing at her husband.

As they left, Matsumoto clinging to her husband's hand, Toshiro observed them out of the corner of his eye. Why they didn't trip over he didn't know.

Under it all he wished that Soi would look at him, just once, with such yearning. He would probably ignore everything and everyone else if she did so and then he would find the courage to tell her how he felt. A vague sense of envy overcame him which he dismissed. Love wasn't meant for him.

He watched the impassioned embrace the pair exchanged until, embarrassed, he had to turn away from the carnal passion displayed. One Shinigami speculated about whether Zaraki would make it out of the Seireitei before screwing his wife again and Toshiro directed a very cold glance in the direction of the voice. Hearing his own thoughts voiced aloud did not please him.

"It's time to leave, Captain. There'll be plenty of time for that when you return," the Captain-General spoke loudly which forced the pair to finally stop embracing.

With a concentrated glance, Zaraki stared at those nearest him. "I expect all of you to take care of my wife. Ikkaku, Yumichika, if anything happens to her, you know what will happen. Beloved, remember me and the rules I mentioned earlier." He kissed Matsumoto once more and left.

As he expected, his lieutenant burst into tears as soon as the man was out of view. He moved closer, preparing to remind her of her duty.

"He'll be back, Ran. Stop crying. He told me he hates it when you cry," Yumichika said trying to comfort the woman.

Remarkably, Matsumoto stopped crying, wiped her face, pushed her hair back over her shoulders and stood straight. A new look of determination was set on her features. Now was the time to gain her attention.

"Come, Lieutenant. The remedy for your sorrow is hard work. We have a lot to do and I can't allow you out of my sight." Turning to the 11th Division 3rd and 5th seat he told them, "I'll return her to 11th Division later."

Hoping she would follow him, he walked pushing through the crowd, anticipating the forthcoming discussion and hoping to resolve one of his outstanding problems. Wishing to get away from the crowd he walked with deliberation to one place he knew was far enough away, but close to 4th Division and then stopped abruptly. He had to talk to her now. For the past few days he'd been thinking this would help him and he wanted to start as soon as possible. But one thing was constantly in the back of his mind. He'd heard from two different and reliable sources that she had been raped by Aizen. If this was true, why hadn't she told him, her captain? Didn't she trust him? Had he failed her in some way?

His lieutenant stumbled and he wondered if he could catch her if she fell. In all probability she'd been daydreaming while they walked, but that didn't matter.

"Matsumoto, we are not going back to our Division immediately. We have to visit 4th Division to talk to Momo, but before we do, I want to ask your advice."

A puzzled look crossed her face. "My Captain, of course I would be happy to advise you. You only need to ask and I will help."

This time he let a small smile show. "Except with paperwork. I don't want to talk about this here. Let's have some tea," he led the way to a small, quiet tea house he had visited a few times and chose a secluded table. "I don't need to ask you to keep this confidential, because I am sure you will, but I would ask you keep your voice down as I do not wish to be overheard, even if it appears there is no one within earshot. I would have asked you this before, but you were busy with Captain Zaraki and your honeymoon."

A sad look passed over Matsumoto's face and her voice was low and slightly rough. "The honeymoon is over now my husband has left."

He bit his lip, trying not to laugh at her slightly dramatic delivery. After a pause, while the tea was served with some sweet buns, he said, "I heard a rumour and you don't have to confirm it if you don't want to. I wanted to ask you this before, but you were too upset. Did Aizen rape you?"

After a brief coughing fit caused by her accidental inhalation of tea she replied, "Yes." He noticed she could not meet his gaze and her shoulders slumped as she made the admission.

This was bad. His friend had suffered and she hadn't told him. A stab of pain made him aware that this lack of trust hurt him. He'd thought they were better friends than that. "You should have told me. I want to kill that bastard, but not as much as your husband does. If you had told me I could have done something."

With tears in her eyes, Matsumoto replied with complete assurance, "You wouldn't have believed me." She busied herself with the food and drink, continuing to avoid looking at his face.

Why did he feel guilty? He hadn't done anything… or maybe that was the problem. "I would. We've known each other long enough for me to know when you're lying. You didn't have to live through that hell by yourself," he protested and touched her hand in an effort to get her to look at him.

"Please, let's not talk about this. It's in the past and I don't want to think about it anymore," the tears were more noticeable now, but his lieutenant grabbed another bun and ate it with dedicated attention rubbing her eyes absentmindedly with her free hand.

This was a signal that the subject was closed for now. Once before she'd kept eating in order to avoid answering questions and it seemed that she was quite happy to do so again. Toshiro nodded understandingly. "If you want, we can talk about it later."

To prevent her making herself sick he took a bun and took a bite, chewing automatically while he thought about broaching the next matter he wished to discuss. Coughing a little, he cleared his throat and spoke very quietly. "I have delayed this until you were available. I wish to inform Momo of her pregnancy and I want you there to provide any consolation she requires. I am unsure how she will take the news, and she has appeared rather confused when I've talked to her since she regained consciousness."

A nod was followed by, "Don't you think we should wait until Captain Unohana returns? She would be able to give the best advice if Momo reacts badly and she has been treating Momo all this time."

A further wait was unthinkable. The guilt alone would make his nights more difficult than they already were. "No, I don't want to postpone this any longer. Momo should know; it's only fair to her. How should I tell her?"

Matsumoto was silent, avoiding his gaze. Was there something she knew but hadn't told him? He almost asked but then she spoke and made an offer he hadn't expected. "Do you want me to tell her? I'll be as gentle as I can and as we are friends and she told me about the encounter with Aizen, it might be more reassuring."

Just for a brief space he wanted to accept but it would mean that he had shirked his responsibility. "That would make my life easier, but I think I should tell her. Should I be blunt, or slowly introduce the information? I'm not sure." Once again he faced the problem of anticipation. Would Momo be pleased or distressed by the news? Would it push her that little closer to the insanity that seemed to threaten?

"Don't be too blunt, work up to it slowly and try to make it so that the truth will become apparent gradually. We might need lots of tissues and a sedative for when she realises the truth."

Nodding, Toshiro thought this was sound advice. It was a relief to have at least one person who would take the time to listen to his concerns. Now he would ask the question that had been burning at the back of his mind since he'd discovered Momo was pregnant. The same question he'd asked Soi with disastrous results. "Yes, I agree. Now please think about your answer to the next question carefully, as I value your advice. Do you think I should ask Momo to marry me?" He watched her face carefully, fearful of her agreement.

A thoughtful and closed look covered the woman's face. "Before I answer that question you must tell me: do you love her?"

He flushed slightly at my question and said, "She's my friend." It sounded weak and it was no reason for marriage.

Typically Matsumoto made a joke of his serious question. "She's my friend too, but I'm not offering to marry her."

Scrupulously he did not allow his mixture of anger and amusement show. The woman had cut to the heart of the matter, but he had to protest. "Of course you're not. You are married already to a man you tell me you love and you're female. Why would you offer to marry her?" What would Zaraki have said if he'd heard his wife's statement? Or maybe he was aware of her peculiar way of looking at things.

Matsumoto was silent for a few moments and then shook her head. "What I am trying to say is that you should not offer marriage out of friendship alone. If you love Momo as more than a friend, then make the offer, but I think it would be a bad idea. She loves Aizen, or she did last time I talked with her, before he tried to kill her. Maybe that has changed."

It was Toshiro's turn to shake his head. If anything Momo was even more in love with Aizen and in denial of any criticism of the man. He wondered if she'd accuse Kira of causing the betrayal next, or a random astrological phenomenon. The man had tried to kill Matsumoto and she didn't think he was innocent. "No. She believes it was all a mistake. Her obsession has not decreased; in fact it seems to have become stronger. Nearly every statement she makes concerns Aizen. She did not seem worried about the attacks by the Arrancar in the human world and I have not mentioned your abduction by Ichimaru. I feared it would affect her badly." There were many things he'd avoided speaking about for fear of upsetting his friend further. For the sake of her mental condition they had mainly spoken of their shared past. It was safe.

"You'll be offering to marry her, even though she's pregnant with Aizen's child and madly in love with the guy? Excuse me, Captain, but I think that's the most idiotic idea you've had for a long time. Even if she agreed, which she won't, neither of you would be happy. I don't know why, but I've felt that you've lost your romantic attachment to Momo and see her only as a friend. It's almost as if your interest has been drawn to someone else. If you want my advice: tell her about her pregnancy, offer her support and pacify her if you need to, but don't offer to marry her. It's a noble idea, but marriage without love on both sides is not a marriage. It's a convenient arrangement," Matsumoto faltered and became quiet.

Each word she had spoken lifted his spirits slightly. At first he thought he was being noble in offering to marry Momo, but it would have been idiotic. Her devotion to Aizen would have eventually been difficult to overlook and knowing his friend the way he did, ultimately she would begin to compare him to Aizen. It would be impossible to live up to the standards she set and with each failure hatred would intrude more into their friendship. Love could not survive or grow in that environment and he wanted love. He wanted Soi.

Thinking that the question he'd been scared to ask rushed out. His lieutenant was in love with her husband, that much was clear, but how, when did she know?

"But how do you know it is love? When did you know that you loved Captain Zaraki? What do you love about your husband? It might just be good sex." He'd had great sex with Soi and that could be distorting his judgement.

Matsumoto took a deep breath and let it out before she spoke. "It started as just good sex, really good sex and good sex is part of it, at least I think so. I would not have married Captain Zaraki if he was a bad lover, but I don't know why I love him; I just do and I won't question it. I know it is love because he makes my heart feel like…. It's no good. I can't explain it. I know I love him just like I know that we are friends and the sun will rise tomorrow. Don't ask me to quantify it."

Her words both answered his question and confused him. If anyone had asked him why he loved Soi it wouldn't have been possible to put into words. The realisation both scared him and filled him with joy.

"Captain, do you feel like that about someone…"

It was too soon. He couldn't tell anyone what he was thinking. Obviously Zaraki had been too busy to mention their conversation and for that he was grateful. "I think we should go and tell Momo her news as soon as possible. Maybe we should ask Iemura or Hisagi to be nearby in case she needs a sedative," he said distractedly then flushed.

"Hisagi? Why would Hisagi know anything about 4th Division? He has little to do with the workings of that division; he has his own to take care of. I think you mean Hanatoro, but I don't know why you would mix those two up. There names are not even similar and they look nothing alike. Maybe you've been working too hard while I've been absent, my Captain. I will try to help you catch up. I have nothing to distract me now, except my thoughts."

She'd noticed the slip and now her curiosity was aroused. Why did he hold so many of the secrets? If anyone else wished to confide in him, he might ask them to take a number and wait. Too many secrets. Then he noticed that his lieutenant had a look of such longing on her face with a mixture of despair and lust that he knew immediately what she was thinking about, or rather who.

"I thought you said you had nothing to distract you, yet you already seem distracted, Matsumoto," he teased.

"Sorry Captain. I know you're not happy about our marriage and you'd prefer it if I forgot him."

That stupid comment he'd made. Now relieved of the thought of marrying Momo he recognised and pushed away the minor jealousy that had begun to grow. It was true he was accustomed to be the most important man in his lieutenant's life but he could not deny her the chance of love. Zaraki would kill him if he tried. "But you're wrong, Lieutenant. I am happy for you, both of you. I only said that to annoy Zaraki who was listening, because it's fun to watch his reactions. I know how difficult it was when you insisted you wanted to stay in Division 10 when your husband demanded you were moved. I doubted your affection for each other at first but now I can't. When you were abducted, Zaraki became totally obsessed with retrieving you and tried to leave when he woke, even though he was still drugged. He almost rampaged through the Seireitei, destroying buildings and trying to fight Captain Yamamoto. He recovered from the drugs quickly, but I think his fury may have helped him burn the drug out of his system. Captain Unohana had to do some quick work on Yachiru which helped calm him down a little. We knew he was going to rescue you no matter what or who stood in his way. The way he spoke about you moved me. I know he enjoys having sex with you, that's evident, even if he doesn't say anything about it, and Ikkaku has blabbed about what he overheard in Soul Society, but there's more there. I wondered what was happening when the Captain-General took Zaraki for a walk, showed him the way to get to the Arrancar stronghold and mentioned that your abduction should have no effect on the planned mission. He expressly forbade Zaraki from using the passageway until it was ready but your husband waited until the old man had gone and then got some people to stabilise the passageway, even though he had been told about the danger. Captain Unohana and Ikkaku and Yumichika offered to go with him. I stayed behind and tried to distract the old man from everything," he stopped abruptly and looked down at his hands for a second and then asked again. "How do you know it is love?"

A thoughtful look came over her face and he could tell she was honestly trying to reply in the best way she could. "I can't answer that, I told you before. I can only tell you that a look can break your heart or make it thrill with excitement. A touch can make you weak. A kiss can possess you. I don't know, Captain. I've never felt like this before. What I may have felt for Gin is nothing compared to this."

Those words were the final escape he hoped they would be. "Then I don't love Momo," he said as lightly as he could, trying to dismiss the subject.

"What is it Captain? There's something bothering you. At first I thought it was Momo, but it's more than that." The voice was calm, but firm.

She knew him too well to be put off but still he tried. "It's nothing. I said something stupid to someone and it became personal and it's nothing. Too late to change anything."

Of course she didn't let it go. Her eyes became soft with compassion and she looked at him with the love he'd always known was there, but tried to ignore. "Tell me Captain. Let me help you. I'm not very good at explaining about love or good at relationships, well until now, but maybe you need to tell someone.

Quickly his mind raced through the events that had destroyed any chance he had with Soi. Accusations, suspicion, anger, hurtful words, there was nothing there that indicated he had any chance. Even her attempt at compassion had hurt because he wanted to make love to her, not simply fuck. but it hadn't been possible. All his flaws and faults had been exposed and drawn to her attention and after that he was certain she could only despise him completely. Sighing, he shook his head and closed his eyes, then leant his brow against his hand. "I can't talk about it with anyone. There's no point. It's over."

Hearing the words spoken aloud nearly made him despair.

Speaking quickly and urgently Matsumoto didn't give him a chance to brood on the impossible situation. "Try talking to whoever it is. Apologise, give the person a chance to apologise, say you didn't mean what you said; tell the person you made a mistake. If it means that much, grovel. You can't let whatever it is tear you apart like this, Toshiro. If the person is reasonable, I'm sure he or she will listen."

He almost laughed at her fervour but one word cut him more than any other. He'd tried to explain so many times but she wouldn't listen. She'd take her pleasure from his body and then ignore him. His anger was swiftly roused and he responded heatedly, "Reasonable! No fucking way is she reasonable," Toshiro raised his voice and it echoed around the deserted tea room. "I can't bloody apologise, I'm a Captain and she said some unforgivable things. It's better that it's over, I can concentrate on my work," he laughed unconvincingly. "Don't mention this to anyone. Let's go. We need to talk to Momo and you have to be checked."

As they walked he noticed that Matsumoto was alternately deep in thought and observing him closely. The nearer they came to Momo the more agitated he became as he anticipated the problems that may result from this revelation. Would Momo insist on keeping the child? What sort of life would the child of a traitor have within the Seireitei? His stomach began to churn and he rubbed his hands over his hair, pushing it out of his eyes and, he was certain, making it spike in all the wrong places. He should offer to marry his friend to protect both her and her child. Only a fool would dare challenge him and if any did he would deal with them quickly. Torn between duty, fear and antipathy he slowed wanting to put off the announcement. In retrospect he should have permitted Captain Unohana to tell Momo as soon as she was certain of the diagnosis, but his friend had seemed too fragile and confused to accept the news.

The tension became too great and he released some of it in words. "I'm not looking forward to this. You're sure I shouldn't ask her to marry me?" He kept his voice low, not wishing to draw attention to his agitation.

"I'm positive," were the welcome words from his friend. "You're not suited and it would be a mistake you would both regret."

With his concerns he hadn't noticed how close they were to 4th Division. After a brief argument, he won and insisted Matsumoto submitted to the tests. Her expression was mulish until he pointed out that if she forgot things, she might believe she was still in love with Gin. The look of distaste that flickered over her face was followed by quick agreement. "I love Zaraki. I don't want to forget again," she said before permitting Hanatoro to do the tests. A few times she crossed her eyes and feigned stupidity to amuse him, but Toshiro was too concerned about what would happen afterward to smile.

Before Hanatoro let them in to see Momo he listed some rules and finished with, "Captain Unohana was very thorough in her explanations to me. She even asked Assistant Captain Hisagi to wait until she had finished providing the details, even though he insisted he had an urgent matter he needed to discuss with her. It must have been very important because they were locked in her office for nearly an hour."

Hearing that and realising why they had been locked in the office, Toshiro coughed and looked away. Once again unwanted images rushed through his mind as he tried to think of some innocuous comment. It didn't work so keeping his lips firmly together he walked with increasing trepidation to Momo's room.

There was no point in putting off the evil moment. Momo was conscious and appeared to be rational, as rational as she had been since the stabbing. His heart sank as she smiled as he entered the room.

"Ran, I haven't seen you for so long. No one would tell me what happened to you or why you didn't visit me. I wanted to talk to you."

Once again he'd been ignored and by his friend. He tried to hide his irritation as his lieutenant replied, "I'm sorry, Momo. I've been on my honeymoon."

Hell. Had Matsumoto said that? As he looked at her face he felt the problems with his stomach increase. Knowing his lieutenant as well as he did, it was obvious she was in one of her 'truth' phases. He hated those and they had occurred too frequently. On this mode the woman would be brutally truthful, no matter what the situation. It often led to repercussions and he could hear the excitement in Momo's voice as she asked, excitedly, "Honeymoon? You got married? Who to? Tell me."

"Captain Kenpachi Zaraki." As she spoke his name, Matsumoto seemed to shine with love and happiness. It was sickening.

Momo looked at Toshiro and then shook her head in denial and turned her attention back to her friend. "That can't be right, Ran. Stop teasing me. No one would marry Captain Zaraki. He's not very …um, nice and besides you don't know him. Who did you really marry?"

* * *

A.N.

Catching up with Different Circumstances, at last.

Soundtrack

'I'll be Waiting' Full Intention; Shena (for Matsumoto)

'Goodbye' Benny Goodman and his Orchestra

'Our Truth' Lacuna Coil

'Mad City Sunset (Type 1)' Tryforce from Heatguy-J Burn soundtrack.

Thanks to anyone who actually bothered to review. Reviews make me think about updating.

Review. I like reviews.


	32. Fragile Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**Fragile Friends**

Toshiro stared at Momo and then, reluctantly looked at his lieutenant. It wasn't possible to predict how she would react to this casual dismissal of her marriage. She might laugh and joke that Momo was jealous and had a secret crush on her husband, or her feelings might be hurt. There were so many other possible reactions that he feared which one would be the one that was chosen.

Her expression hardened and he feared that this was not going to be pleasant. Instead he was astonished by her simple answer. "I told you. I married Captain Kenpachi Zaraki."

Momo turned her attention to Toshiro and he awaited the inevitable question. She always liked to check her facts, unless it was something her deified Aizen had told her. "Tell me the truth, Toshiro. Did Ran really get married or is she making bad jokes again?"

The glance he gave Matsumoto revealed that her expression betrayed her increasing anger. "I assure you, Momo that she is telling the truth. My lieutenant is now the wife of Captain Kenpachi Zaraki. I was at the wedding." Maybe now she could accept this side issue and they could begin to discuss the real reason they were here.

Instead Momo was shaking her head as if her denial could change the reality. "No, no. You can't be married to him. When Captain Aizen comes back I'm marrying him and you're marrying Captain Gin Ichimaru. You can't be married to that beast, you can't. I thought you must have married Captain Ichimaru, that he came back. You've always loved him." Toshiro felt his stomach sink a little as he noticed the signs that Momo was preparing to cry. She'd used her tears as a weapon when they were growing up to get her own way and it still affected him badly, especially when the tears were genuine.

Trying to think of something to say, he opened his mouth ready to say anything when he saw Matsumoto make a warning gesture with her hand and then she spoke gently.

"I love him, Momo. He loves me and he's not a beast. He wants to have children."

The conversation he'd had with Zaraki after their fight returned to him. He'd promised their children would play together. Then he remembered all the fears that had surfaced later, and tried to hide all the emotions these thoughts summoned. "That's a scary thought; but it's not important now. How are you feeling?"

As usual Momo seemed to welcome the conversation returning to her. Toshiro anticipated it would only be a matter of minutes before Aizen was mentioned once more. That had been the usual progress of their recent conversations.

"I keep getting sick, I don't know why. I'm tired all the time and I feel heavy. Captain Unohana tells me not to worry and I'll be better soon," she giggled slightly. "Kira keeps visiting me and he's brought me flowers. He tells me jokes. I haven't seen Renji very often, but Kira told me that he's marrying Rukia. I hope I'm invited to the wedding."

Why hadn't the news of that marriage affected her? Even before that thought had finished he recalled that Momo and Rukia had never been that close. There had been a strange feeling of resentment he'd encountered whenever the topic of Rukia had entered the conversation. Until now he'd never wished to follow the matter further.

Fortunately, Matsumoto changed the topic and was bringing it around to the disclosure. He was grateful but wished it could progress faster. "How do you feel about children?"

"I love children. I always wanted children, lots of them. Are you pregnant, Ran? Is that why you keep mentioning children? Is that the reason you married the beast?" Momo didn't even seem to recognise that she was being insultingly condescending, or maybe she did.

Toshiro felt overwhelming relief that Matsumoto had advised him against offering marriage to Momo. Until now he hadn't realised that there was a deeply petty side of her nature. Had it always been there or was it caused by the trauma?

Matsumoto flushed but didn't falter. "I don't think so."

Ignoring her answer Momo continued on with her own concerns. "I wish I was pregnant because then I would be carrying Captain Aizen's child. I love him so much."

At last they had arrived at the point where he could disclose the secret he had been keeping from her. Toshiro took a deep breath, swallowed hard, took another deep breath and asked, "Would you keep his child, even though the father tried to kill you?"

"He didn't try to kill me. That was just a misunderstanding. It was Captain Tosen who tried to kill me. He is the leader and he blackmailed Captain Ichimaru and Captain Aizen into forming an alliance with the Hollows. They're both innocent. You shouldn't think badly of Captain Ichimaru, Ran," her voice held complete assurance.

Even as he tried not to look at Matsumoto he almost burst out laughing at the glimpse of the expression on her face. She was almost crossing her eyes as she desperately tried not to laugh or express her disbelief of the last statement. The imploring look she gave him forced him to set his expression so nothing was revealed. Momo had assumed her expression of besotted wonder and he anticipated what she would say next. He wasn't disappointed.

"I would keep his child, no matter what."

It was pretty obvious that nothing that was said would change her mind, but he'd try anyway. "Even if you were advised it was a dangerous idea?"

Momo shook her head in denial. "It would not be dangerous, don't be silly Toshiro. How could having Captain Aizen's baby be unsafe? I keep hoping I am pregnant, but it would be too wonderful to happen."

The words rankled. How could she accuse him of being silly when she was constantly denying the truth? The look his lieutenant bestowed on him was full of warning but it was too late. They had said too much and now it was time to reveal the secret fully. If only it would make her accept the reality of what Aizen had done, but he was still uncertain what her reaction would be.

Trying to keep his voice gentle he said. "Momo, you know how you've been sick and very tired, well there's a reason. You're expecting a baby."

Where he had expected hesitant acceptance he found delirious joy. Momo's eyes opened wide and her excited expression worried him. "I'm pregnant? With Captain Aizen's baby? I must tell him. He'll want to marry me and bring up our child together. I know he loves me and he'll come back when he finds out. Everything will go back to how it was. Maybe we can have a double wedding, Ran and you can marry Captain Ichimaru. Oh, Toshiro. I can't believe it is true!" She clasped her hands over her stomach and he noticed they were trembling.

Toshiro wished it wasn't true and he noticed that Momo had again filtered the conversation in order to forget the mention of Matsumoto's marriage. It was unlikely she suggesting bigamy and from his previous conversations he wondered how long it would be before Momo demanded that he bring Aizen back for her and the baby.

Her eyes narrowed, his lieutenant leant forward and covered Momo's hand with her own as if to provide reassurance. "It is true, but you should consider it very carefully, Momo. It won't be easy for you."

"I think you should rest now," Toshiro cut in before Matsumoto could outline how difficult it could become. Momo would not believe her and possibly enter into one of her fanciful dialogues which ended up as a list of instructions for him. "You have to think of the baby."

"I need to tell Captain Aizen. Will you get him for me, Toshiro, please? Tell him that I need to talk to him," her voice was pleading.

He'd enjoy getting Aizen. Getting the man and then subjecting him to all the pain he had put other people through, but instead he once more had to refuse her request without going into details. Details upset his friend. "I can't Momo. It's not possible." He'd almost lost count of the number of times he'd told her that.

"He's telling the truth. It's hard trying to contact that trait… I mean the Captain." Matsumoto was trying to help but her anger toward Aizen was clearly noticeable in her voice. Now he knew the reason behind her hatred and anger toward the man he found he admired her constraint. It must be extremely painful to have to hear Momo praise the man who had brutalised her and ruined her relationship with her long time love. Earlier conversations with his lieutenant now made sense as he had sensed a reserve whenever he had mentioned Captain Aizen. How it must have stung to have her friend in love with her rapist, while Momo constantly sang his praises.

If he did not know these facts he would not believe Matsumoto capable of such restraint. On occasions he'd felt like gibbering when Momo once again mentioned something her captain had said, but that paled into insignificance.

Concerned with her own thoughts Momo didn't appear to notice. "But I have to tell him, now. "I want to start planning the wedding. What would be a good name for the baby? I'm sure it will be a boy." Her voice began to change and he prepared for the sudden realisation that she would again experience until she managed to forget again. "He left me behind. He could have taken me with him; I would never have questioned him. I told him I loved him and he smiled when I said it. We're meant to be together. I knew the first time I saw him when he saved me in the human world. He is my hero." Momo was sobbing loudly now. Matsumoto's face crumpled but instead of crying, she hugged Momo and patted her gently on the back while murmuring comforting words.

Thankful he'd made preparations he summoned Hanatoro who administered a sedative despite Momo's protests. If permitted to continue she would soon become hysterical and even more unreasonable. She would call him names and accuse him of being the real traitor. If she became completely unreasonable she would start talking about Gin Ichimaru in a rather fervid manner. Toshiro usually left at that time, unable to witness the degeneration of his friend.

As had happened many times before, Hanatoro wore a grave look as he said, "Please leave now. She will fall asleep soon which is the best thing for her. When she wakes she will remember that she is pregnant with Aizen's baby. I do not know if she will remember anything else. Captain Unohana hoped that a shock, like being told about her pregnancy, might force her to accept reality."

From his few discussions with the 4th Division Captain, Toshiro knew that the hope was slim. There was even the possibility that she might forget her pregnancy and someone would need to break the news to her once more. On this occasion he would not be the one who would perform that task. Let someone else shoulder that responsibility. He'd had enough.

"I'll visit again tomorrow," he said hoping by that time she had at least gained some grasp on her situation. Turning to his lieutenant he asked, "Matsumoto will you visit too?"

She paled slightly but nodded. It was possible that she was reluctant in spending time with Momo for obvious reasons. He would not force the issue out of deference to her feelings but he hoped she succumb to her usual generous impulses.

"If you do, don't tell her you're married. She is having trouble accepting facts she doesn't like. Lieutenant Izuru informed her of your marriage earlier and she protested vehemently and then forgot it. She won't accept it, for now." Hanatoro's eyes were shadowed. He glanced back at Momo and shook his head sadly.

"I didn't know she had been told before," Toshiro was shocked but guessed from Hanatoro's expression that Momo had required sedation on that occasion also. "I'll be careful what I say to her."

With a mixture of relief and regret he left 4th Division. Momo Hinamori had suffered and now it was time for her to come to terms with reality. A guilty feeling assailed him as he admitted he wished she was a little more like Soi and Matsumoto. The weakness she displayed was a bad trait in a Shinigami.

Reaching his office he realised how much more pleasant it was to have Matsumoto back. After requesting only once she completed some paperwork and filing without complaint and with a high degree of accuracy. For the first hour all seemed to be going well. Matsumoto sighed occasionally and seemed lost in thought, but he let her be. She was proving to be more industrious than normal and a few sighs and occasional lapses of concentration were worth the result.

An hour passed.

"Toshiro. I want to do something more interesting," Matsumoto's voice broke through his deliberation.

"Once we complete the back log of paperwork," he said dismissively. The paper he was reading was particularly dull, but it contained some valuable information. A sigh built within him as he realised he had to start from the top of the page to understand the flow of the logic.

As he released the sigh, Matsumoto also sighed, even louder than previously. She ruffled through the papers and started to hum slightly under her breath. That was nothing unusual; in the past she often hummed or sang quietly. Her voice was pleasant, which at least kept the irritation level lower than if she sang badly. He recognised the song, or thought he did.

Trying to block everything else out he concentrated on the words in front of him and managed to follow the ideas being presented. Looking up he ran the concept through his mind and nodded slightly in approval. It was a good idea, badly expressed. Making a few notes he decided to talk to the author and noted it was Soi's lieutenant.

"It has to be her idea and his words," was his immediate thought. "Soi would think of something like this, but the idea is so badly expressed, it's almost lost in the words. Why doesn't she demote the man? Maybe I should talk to her…."

The thought of talking to Soi made him experience an urgent desire to do so immediately and a distinct dread of the outcome. Their recent disastrous encounters made it difficult to anticipate anything other than another unfulfilling fight as he experienced the pain of loss once more. If only there were some way he could make her listen to him, let him explain that he never wanted to marry Momo. Hell, he'd even tell Soi that he cared about her, if she let him, but then she'd probably laugh at him and leave after cutting him to pieces with the vitriol of her bitter wit.

"Is there anything interesting to do, Toshiro?" The voice of his lieutenant broke through his musing. He was almost grateful.

"No. Finish the filing," he told her shortly.

He watched as she stopped, her face softening as her eyes widened. One hand rose to the base of her throat while the other swept languorously through her hair. He thought he saw her lips form the name of her husband. It was amusing, but sad. If anyone had told him that his friend would fall so comprehensively in love with the Captain of the 11th Division he would have been certain they were joking. Or that the love was returned. Zaraki in love! While it was fact, it was still new enough to shock him a little each time he thought of it and make him jealous. If only he could share a relationship that strong with Soi.

Turning to the next batch of papers he'd only read through the first paragraph when he was interrupted for the 3rd time.

"Is there anything…"

"Get on with what you're doing, Matsumoto," he said before she could finish. "This has been piling up with everything that's happened."

A faint look of guilt crossed her face. "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to get abducted…" He was uncertain if there was a trace of sarcasm in her apology.

"Or fall in love, or marry," he finished for her. "It happened and we have to live with the consequences."

She nodded and picked up the next bundle of papers and began singing under her breath once more. Instead of the whole song she began repeating, "Nothing compares with you," soulfully as she placed each paper where she thought it should be.

The document he was reading this time was some direction about completing paperwork promptly. He felt inclined to rip it to shreds and slice and dice the person who'd written it. Administration was not management. Management, being a captain should be more than sitting behind a desk being bored to death by the constant repetition of similar tasks. Once more he regretted agreeing to take on the paperwork of other Divisions, but if he didn't do it, who else would step in?

He thrust the document aside and frowned at it. Picking up a brush he signed a few requisitions that were there, before picking up the next bundle of papers. He had let the work pile up, but he didn't understand how it had been generated while they were all supposedly busy. Was there an evil force at work that was creating all these documents to prevent him from doing something interesting? Was there some magic chemistry that caused the papers to increase in volume if he didn't attend to them immediately?

"Toshiro, can I do….."

He lost his temper and glared at Matsumoto. "No!"

Her cheeks reddened at his tone and the twinge of guilt he felt was more like a punch to his gut. Biting back another sigh he added more gently, "We've nearly finished. Don't ask again or there will be repercussions."

"Okay," her voice was low. Approaching the desk she took off the papers he'd finished and summoned a messenger to deliver the completed forms. He was pleased to note that he only had one more pile to complete.

"I went to Toshiro, and guess what he told me

Guess what he told me…"

It was getting even worse now. Instead of singing the original words, Matsumoto was substituting her own as she sang the song over again. He almost laughed at some of the things she sang, struggling to keep a straight face. All the same he didn't like her calling him a fool. Should he reprimand her?

The song stopped as she again stood still, her eyes losing focus as her mouth opened slightly. That man, Zaraki had made an enormous impression on his friend. He had never seen her so lost to her surroundings and happy. He could recall the days, which he assumed to be immediately after her encounter with Aizen and how she didn't seem aware of what was going on, nor did she seem to care. He preferred it when she was like this. At least she seemed less inclined to hug him tightly and wordlessly as her body shook with sobs and shudders. So many times he wanted to ask what was wrong, but her quick dismissal and alienation each time he had asked the question had provided ample warning that she would not provide an answer.

He hoped Zaraki would kill the bastard, Aizen, painfully. Wipe off the supercilious expression of the traitor as he slowly pushed his sword into the man's stomach, sliding it out then leaving him to die slowly and messily. But would that be enough for all the pain he'd caused so many people? No one had escaped unscathed by the events. The Seireitei was still standing, the buildings being repaired, but the while the façade could be replaced, the foundations were now unsound.

He smiled grimly and dismissed the fanciful idea and looked at the object in front of him. It was the last paper. He picked it up, glanced through it and saw he'd already read it. Stretching, he saw his lieutenant had finished her work and was again approaching his desk with a determined look in her eye.

"Give me something difficult to do, Captain Hitsugaya. Something less excruciatingly dull. Do you have any….."

She was taking the wrong approach with him and he felt slighted that she would speak to him like this especially as she'd enquired before. "This is the fifth time you've asked me for something interesting and I warned you last time to stop. You need a different form of physical exercise to the one you've been experiencing with your husband. Go for a long walk, you haven't walked much in the last few days, or practice your fighting; there should be someone about who you can pester aside from me."

She flinched. Immediately he felt sorry for how he had reacted and decided to explain. "I'm sorry Matsumoto, but you've been sighing and when you weren't sighing you were asking me for something interesting and when you weren't doing either of those you've been singing under your breath. Normally I wouldn't mind, but you've been singing _Nothing Compares to You_ repeatedly. I think I prefer it when your eyes become unfocused and you wear that stunned expression. I assume you're thinking about your husband?"

She flushed again and nodded without saying anything.

Toshiro smiled a little. "I liked that song once, but now I don't want to hear it again."

His friend looked down at the floor and then back at him. The next thing she said surprised him, but he was pleased by the change of subject. "Why don't you tell me what happened while I was gone? What's happened with Renji and Rukia?"

"Renji and Rukia? Of course, you wouldn't know. They snuck off, with assistance, as an unofficial advance party to Las Noches. Captain Yamamoto seemed aware that they were going and didn't expend any effort on trying to stop them," This was not gossip. This was factual information and as her husband was on his way to join them, there was little point in trying to hide the facts from her.

Matsumoto sat in the chair opposite and smiled at him. "That's so like them. What's happening about their marriage?"

For a moment, Toshiro considered not providing a response. This bordered on gossip, but she had been instrumental in causing the engagement. Deciding to humour her he said, "For some reason Rukia wants a long engagement; a very long engagement. I heard she has concerns about making the 'right' decision even though she agreed to marry Renji. The story goes that Renji wanted a speedy wedding, almost as fast as your own, but Rukia asked her brother to insist on a minimum of two year's engagement, possibly more, so that the wedding could be properly organised." He tried to hide his confusion at this, but didn't think he managed to do so. Two years seemed to indicate that Rukia didn't want to marry Renji, but if she didn't why had she agreed? In the human world the two of them often seemed at odds and Rukia treated Renji more like a brother than a lover.

His lieutenant frowned slightly as she considered his words. "That's strange. I thought she would be overjoyed and want to marry him as soon as possible, but I was always closer to Renji than Rukia. When we in the human world she seemed to vanish regularly when she wasn't at school or fighting Hollows. Renji often asked me where she was and I didn't know. You don't think that Rukia and Ichigo…No, that doesn't seem right either. They were always arguing and she didn't seem overly concerned when he disappeared or was injured. When Renji wasn't asking me about Rukia's whereabouts, Ichigo was. When she comes back I'll try to find out what's happening." A momentary pause was followed by, "I suppose Captain Kuchiki is one of the team because Rukia and Renji are already in Las Noches." He could see she wanted to say more, but she shook her head slightly in denial.

"That's one of the reasons. There are others, but I can't discuss them at present." Any thing else mentioned about the matter was either confidential or speculative and he didn't wish to speculate or divulge information that was not common knowledge. Fortunately she changed the subject.

"But why was Captain Kurotsuchi included? I don't trust that man. He's a slimy and unscrupulous cockroach. I hate the way his eyes slither over me; it makes me feel dirty and I know Zaraki hates the man." Her voice rose slightly. Until now he didn't know that she disliked the 12th Division Captain so much. The man was not his favourite captain but he didn't hate him as much as his lieutenant appeared to. Remembering certain events the truth became clear. The man had caused certain difficulties between his lieutenant and her husband.

Truth was easier than lies, and in this case he could provide the story that had been the basis for the decision to include the man. "Hmmm. He declared it would be easier to study the Arrancar if he was a member of the mission. It was a difficult meeting when the membership of the party was being discussed. Your husband insisted on going and no one was stupid enough to refuse him. We can see he feels dishonoured by your abduction and wishes for revenge. Captain Kurotsuchi demanded that he too be included for the sake of research and yelped on about it until Yamamoto gave in just to shut the man up."

Matsumoto frowned and looked puzzled. He decided to explain.

"Captain Zaraki insisted on the meeting after I came to find out how you were and then I fought him because he was nearly crazy with rage and grief. That was an interesting fight, but at least it calmed him down enough to stop him trying to kill everyone he saw. 4th Division was having trouble keeping up with the casualties. Once his anger was slightly cooled he began to plan and you know how single minded he can be. It was a fast meeting and the Captain-General seemed bemused by the speed and the events. He didn't even get a chance to chair it and I don't think he was very happy." Even now he smiled slightly at the memory. Captain Yamamoto was not pleased to be placed in a less than senior role. "I wish the information sessions were always like that. They tend to drag on."

His lieutenant nodded and then her eyes became unfocused once more. It was easy to predict what she was imagining as she smiled languorously. To gain her attention, and to tease her, he handed her a handkerchief which she took immediately. "You might wish to wipe that drool from your chin, Matsumoto."

She took the cloth and dutifully wiped her chin then looked at the cloth. "I wasn't drooling. I was only thinking…"

He couldn't help smiling. Normally she didn't follow his instructions so readily. "I can't believe you fell for that."

It felt good to tease her now the paperwork was complete and he could relax. His lieutenant had been returned to him and the pleasure of that realisation made him feel a strange joy he'd relished. She always teased him and it annoyed him. In the future he'd accept the teasing and joke with her in return.

"Toshiro, that's not fair," The small pout made him grin but when she embraced him, he tensed for a second. After all the times he'd resisted this time he accepted and hugged her in return. After she'd been abducted he'd thought he would never feel her arms around him and he was grateful to feel her warmth and love.

"I'm sorry Matsumoto," he said breaking the hug. "I've missed you and I was uncertain that you would be returned alive. Your husband was unwavering in his conviction that he would save you, but knowing Aizen, I was unsure."

This admission embarrassed him and he decided to change the subject to one that had been at the back of his mind. Knowing about it now made him feel there was a lack of trust between them and he wanted to know her reasons.

"Can you tell me about the rape now? I've only heard bits and pieces and the rumour mill will distort the facts." He tried to make the request as bland as possible.

Matsumoto looked shocked and then determination crossed her face. The events she related were harrowing and he could see that it hurt her to admit any of them. One thing that came through strongly was her sense of guilt which struck him as absurd. Why did she blame herself? He watched as she clenched and unclenched her hands while she stammered out more words, further explanations that seemed designed to excuse Ichimaru and Aizen of any wrong doing while she centred the blame fully on herself. But then it changed slightly. She mentioned the conversations she'd had with Retsu and her husband and how they both had assured her that she was not to blame. Her voice held no assurance, but the fact she mentioned it meant that she was considering their views and might one day accept them.

He wondered why she had held all this in so deeply. Apparently she had told very few people and it seemed it was a mixture of pride and shame that had shaped that decision. Every so often while she spoke, her eyes searched his face as though looking for signs of disgust or anger. He had to keep his face carefully set so she would not misinterpret the increasing feeling of revulsion and anger he felt for her former lover.

She faltered to a halt and closed her eyes for a moment and then poured herself a glass of water. Toshiro thought through what he had been told. The only thing he could accuse his lieutenant of was being foolish and trusting too much. His impulse was to reassure her that she wasn't the evil fool who attracted disaster that she seemed to think she was.

Carefully choosing his words he remarked, "Captain Unohana protected your privacy. By rights she should have told me."

Before she could object he held up his hand and continued so that she would be forced to accept how the situation had changed. She couldn't be permitted to hide from the truth anymore. "It is easy to see why she chose to keep your secret, but it is a secret no longer."

It struck his as ironic that he would not permit this friend to hide from reality while everyone conspired to keep facts from Momo. He watched as she stared at her hands and he tried to provide reassurance. "No one will think badly of you. You survived. How could they believe it was your fault? The man went on to nearly kill Momo who trusted him completely. As a finale he betrayed us to the Hollows? The man is evil, not you."

She didn't seem to be listening or she was in denial because she was shaking her head. He decided to shock her back to reality by touching on something less important but as it involved Momo, it might attract her attention. "Matsumoto, there is one further problem you may have considered about this rumour spreading, as it will. And of course the abduction and your rescue."

She raised her eyes and whispered. "Momo."

"Yes. I fear the effect on her emotions and mental stability if she does hear of this. You saw how she was today when we visited."

Matsumoto nodded and looked down at her hands again. Then she spoke, her voice husky. "Maybe I should tell her…. No. That would be a bad idea. I wish Zaraki hadn't insisted on telling Yamamoto about it. Who told you, anyway?"

There was no point in keeping it a secret and both his informants were absent. He could tell his friend was thinking of explaining to whomever it was forcefully that they had been too eager to open their mouths. "Two sources. Captain Unohana and your husband. Your husband told me Aizen had raped you after we fought and the predicament in which he found you in Hueco Mundo. Captain Unohana filled in the details when I went to visit Momo," he said heavily. "I told her I knew."

"You said you'd heard rumours!" She seemed shocked. Didn't she know him better than that?

"Unless you confirmed it, to me it was only a rumour." Unless she had admitted the truth he could not trust another person's words. It wasn't that he didn't trust either of the Captains, but her admission at least restored his belief that she trusted him. "Your husband swore to me that he would kill Aizen no matter the cost."

Whatever he'd expected, it didn't match the violent reaction he received. It was a chance comment, probably one he should not have made but it didn't call for this sort of response. "No matter the cost? Any cost is too high. He has to come back to me, Toshiro; I don't think I can bear life without him. The man does not have the right to make that decision. I do not agree. He would know I won't agree. Damned protective, self righteous, egotistical bastard. Captain, I have to go and make him see sense. Now." Her voice rose and became increasingly excited as she spoke. She gestured with her hands as her eyes flashed with anger.

He shook his head. He'd promised Zaraki only hours ago that he would try to keep her safe and letting her go to Las Noches would put her at risk. Rather than reveal that promise he temporised. "You are confined to the Seireitei by order of the Captain General, don't you remember? I do not have authority to give you permission even if I wanted to. Anyway, the passageway is heavily guarded by 2nd Division." And there was no possible inducement anyone could offer to make him ask a favour of Soi. He didn't want to experience another rejection.

Matsumoto sprang to her feet and exclaimed: "I'm going to follow that blasted man and make him see sense; you can't damn well stop me. Zaraki will die and I'll never forgive him or you or anyone. I've only been married to the man for a few days and I was forced apart from him for a third of them. Why did he have to be so eager to go? I'll, I'll….." she faltered and her mouth opened and closed wordlessly. She was becoming even angrier.

If he had doubted the depth of her feeling for her husband, it was now dispelled. He could see she was trying to think of a suitable threat, but seemed lost. It was very rare to see his lieutenant lost for words, and it struck him as funny. He couldn't help but laugh and received an angry glare in response.

In an attempt to placate her he tried to explain but couldn't resist teasing her slightly. "He made that vow because of you, in order to protect you. You think Zaraki will die? You've got to be out of your mind Matsumoto. He'll come back. I think if he was nearly dead he'd come back. Stop being a tragedy queen and think sensibly. Anyway we were talking about Momo." If he changed the subject maybe she would calm down.

Matsumoto took a deep breath and leant heavily on the desk and then almost shouted at him. "Momo, always Momo. She's never been very independent. I've noticed she seems to regularly need support." As if realising she shouted at him, she stood straight, biting her lip and looking embarrassed.

All the same, her words shocked him. She had always supported Momo, trying to cheer her up when she was imprisoned, protecting her from Ichimaru and these deeds were not done because of him but because of the friendship between the two. "I thought you were her friend."

Another sigh and Matsumoto spread her hands as she shrugged. Her voice calmer, she explained, "I am, but I can still see her flaws. Her focus has always been very small and she has always wanted support from you, Renji, Kira and from Aizen. I always joked to myself that she had her own little fan club of attractive men. She lost Renji's attention when he realised how he felt about Rukia, but you, Kira and Aizen were always so attentive. You, in particular, have been very careful with Momo."

What she said was true. He had always felt protective of his friend even when they were children because she made bad choices regularly. Once she went to the Academy he couldn't protect her so well, and she began to ignore his advice as she still did. All the same he wouldn't let the insult to his friend go unanswered. Frowning he replied, "But you have your own circle of support."

Nodding his lieutenant smiled gently and wistfully. "You know we're only friends and I don't rely on them to help me make decisions, otherwise I would have asked their advice about Zaraki. If I had I would probably still be mooning about, grieving for Gin and drinking too much. I wonder if I would have been tempted when he came for me in Soul Society if I wasn't with Zaraki." He did not miss the shudder that accompanied the last sentence.

Everything she said was true. He could not deny that he had often placed Momo's needs above all others, even his own. For a long time he thought that was friendship and when he imagined he was in love with her, it had been a willing sacrifice. She had faced a number of very difficult situations, but so had many other Shinigami. "I've been overprotective," he mused. "I've known Momo for many years and ignored many things about her. She's not really feeble minded, but she does ignore things, important things. I can see why S….someone said cruel words about her." He almost said Soi's name but stopped himself in time and hoped that Matsumoto would not notice, but even as that hope was born, it died. She'd noticed. He could tell.

In an attempt to change the subject he said, "Poor Momo will hear eventually about both matters. It will not be pleasant for her to hear these truths." After her reaction earlier, he feared how this new information would affect his friend.

"It wasn't very pleasant for me."

Again he had made the mistake of thinking about Momo first. Trying to change the subject he stood and moved toward the small kettle. "I think we need some tea."

"Don't try and change the subject Captain. I'll make the tea if you try to be a little more detached."

He could feel his anger begin to build. Detached? He was trying to be a friend to her and all she could do was accuse him? He would remind her he was the Captain. She was pushing the boundaries too far. "You could follow your own advice, Lieutenant. I made the comment without considering your reaction, it is true, but you are more resilient than Momo and you're recovering, aren't you?" Didn't she understand how he had come to rely upon her strength? She was standing here arguing with him days after she nearly died and Momo was still in 4th Division not coping with reality.

Matsumoto began to make the tea, measuring out the leaves and setting out the cups. He noticed her hands were shaking as she burst out angrily, "Aside from the recurring memory loss, the absence of my husband, the memory of being trapped between Gin and Aizen as they prepared to rape me, my near death and being accused of being a traitor, I'm just dandy."

He grabbed the kettle before she spilt the boiling water. He had not meant to upset her but he'd once again discounted the effect of the recent events. This time he would take care of her. "Sit down Matsumoto. You'll pour boiling water over your skin if you are not careful.'

For once she followed his instructions without debate. He noticed she was struggling to calm down as he poured the tea. She shook and pushed her hands through her hair and swallowed hard.

"I apologise," he told her sincerely. "Momo always seems to want pity and you reject it. I meant what I said about you having more resilience. Momo falls apart when faced with difficult situations. I don't believe she would be either sane or alive if she had experienced what you have, but I have always tried to protect her, emotionally and physically." It was the truth.

Saying it aloud made him see why he was attracted to Soi. Fiercely independent she too would fight back and not expect others to solve her problems. Due to his lack of experience with women he hadn't understood this until now and his interactions with her had been flawed by this lack.

Dragging his attention back to the present he watched as she drank to tea. Unwilling as he was to broach the subject he wanted everything clear between them and after taking a deep breath, said, "Matsumoto. I'll give you the rest of the afternoon off if you want but we have to work this out now."

Again he had misjudged the situation. Matsumoto was not calm; nor was she prepared to concede. "No we don't. Momo will just have to live with it, whenever she finds out. Maybe it will make her realise that Aizen is an evil man, not the saviour of the Seireitei." The bitterness in her voice was profound.

"It might break your friendship," Toshiro reminded her, fearful of the disaster that would result if Momo and Matsumoto were enemies.

It seemed every choice he'd made today was wrong. Instead of agreeing or thinking about his comment, his lieutenant turned on him, screaming: "Shut up, Captain. Shut up, Toshiro! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" and then burst into furious tears, while hugging herself and rocking back and forth.

Anger raged through him. She'd dared to speak to him in that fashion but his anger cooled as he watched her cry. Pride would not permit him to hug her after she'd insulted him so badly, even though it seemed to be the best solution. Instead he stood there, watching her cry and wishing he was anywhere else.

The door opened and he saw Shunsui enter the room. The older man ignored him as he speedily went to Matsumoto. "Ran, dear Ran, what's the matter?' He hugged her the way Toshiro wished he could, and stilled the insistent rocking.

Her voice blurred with tears, she seemed to relax slightly and said in a more moderate tone than she had used previously, "Everything's wrong and Toshiro is an idiot. Zaraki is an idiot too. And a bastard. All men are idiots and bastards." Even as she spoke the inflammatory words her tears abated.

Shunsui smiled and patted his friend gently on the back as humour infused his voice. "All women are sluts and fools."

Unbelievingly he watched as Matsumoto wiped her face and laughed. Her voice still roughened by crying she looked at Shunsui and said, "I thought we'd agreed on babes and bimbos."

A frown covered his forehead and his mouth opened in protest. What were these two saying? He wasn't an idiot. Soi wasn't a slut, but possibly a fool where it came to him.

Shunsui raised an eyebrow at Toshiro and explained. "Ran has a habit of calling the whole male race idiots and bastards or some other combination when she's upset or has been drinking, or both. It began after Ichimaru severed their relationship and she was hurting pretty badly. Her generalisations put a bit of a cramp in our evenings until we decided to generalise about women in the same way. She liked bitches, or babes and bimbos because it's alliterative. We'd keep generalising until we ended up forgetting which generalisations were used, it could get pretty funny. Didn't you say something about all men wanting to be…?"

Before Shunsui could complete that particular revelation, Matsumoto interrupted, obviously not wishing her other generalisation to become public knowledge. He wished he hadn't. "Why are you here?"

"He came to see me," Toshiro said. He'd forgotten the arrangement to meet with the man and felt embarrassed that he'd witnessed their interchange. He'd have to make him promise not to tell everyone, but then again, who'd care?

Looking very contrite, his lieutenant stood and bowed very low to him. "Will you please accept my humble apologies? What I said was incorrect and I did not mean the slur on your intelligence. I will accept my reprimand and punishment."

He considered making her wait for his forgiveness, and decided that she was in earnest. "We won't mention it again." He tried to smile, but his mouth wasn't ready to respond with a full smile. All this emotional upheaval was upsetting and made him feel edgy.

"Actually, Ran, while you're here maybe you can help. We're trying to devise a way to get Yamamoto interested in Nanao." The quick change of subject was a relief and he wondered how she would respond to Shunsui's question.

Matsumoto didn't answer immediately. Raising an eyebrow she pursued her lips and let out a slow breath. From her measured response it was apparent she knew the relationship between Nanao and Shunsui was problematic.

"Yamamoto? That won't be easy. Have you thought of someone who might be easier, like his lieutenant?"

"It has to be a captain, at least. Toshiro has told me he's not interested, you married Kenpachi, Jushiro doesn't like her and we know his interest lies elsewhere, Byakuya is just impossible, Mayuri is too peculiar and I don't think Nanao would be interested in Sajin." It was interesting to hear Shunsui lay out the list of reasons from the discussion they'd had. He was grateful not to be included as a candidate. Nanao was far from his ideal and she was too bossy.

"What about Captain Fong," Matsumoto had a strange expression on her face that hinted that something may have happened between them.

The idea made him queasy and he wanted to demand a full explanation, but in her current mood she might not respond well. He hated the thought of Soi becoming involved with anyone. He had to try again with her. Before any further discussion about this possibility could occur he spoke. "No." His voice was sharp and he hoped no one would notice and remark on it.

"Nanao doesn't swing that way," Shunsui seemed to regret the reply and Toshiro wondered, but then decided he didn't need to know anything more. "I know. She was in my bed the night you got married, when I finally came home. Fortunately she was asleep, so I snuck off elsewhere."

Even though he knew it was none of his business, he almost asked where he'd gone, but now was not the time. The rest of the conversation turned to methods to interest Yamamoto in Nanao and he only gave it cursory attention. At least it prevented Matsumoto from brooding. Their discussion broadened and he began to reflect on the change in his situation. Now he'd told Momo he might have the time to finally concentrate on Soi. He would tell her that he wasn't marrying Momo. That would help, but what else he could say escaped him.

A chance comment drew his attention for a few moments before he began to think of other things. He even responded when Matsumoto mentioned some improbable scheme. The idea was ridiculous and couldn't work.

Then he looked at her face. Suddenly she looked tired. Due to the number of events that had involved her recently, it didn't surprise him.

When she mentioned she wished to return to Zaraki's place, he immediately offered to escort her. Shunsui took advantage and requested she prepare a meal. After a few sentences of enlightening conversation which indicated that his lieutenant had not even been into her husband's kitchen, they were walking toward the markets. At least a meal and companionship would suppress his impulses which were threatening to drive him toward Soi and the possibility of another doomed encounter.

* * *

A.N.

If you want the full conversations they are in Chapter 20 and 21 of 'Different Circumstances'. Some words have been changed.

The Byakuya/Kiyone one shot is posted. Its title is 'Freedom Lost With Our Innocence'. Further one-shots will be completed as and when I have the interest.

It is the time of year to wish you a Happy or Merry something or other. A Happy and Merry whatever. Enjoy it.

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	33. Dumb Love

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**Dumb Love**

She was sad to see Retsu go. For a friendship so recently formed she had come to rely upon Captain Unohana's advice, even if it seemed a little strange on occasions. When she thought about it, she'd decided that her friend might have been voicing her own decisions aloud, rather than providing advice pertinent to Soi's situation. It didn't matter, because at least it broadened the range of possibilities she had to consider.

She'd buried herself in work after her last conversation with Retsu. As she ran the conversation through her mind she recalled that a document had been mentioned which she was certain she had not read. It was not on her desk or in her files and that worried her.

With her lieutenant on extended leave she decided to look through his desk to see if it was there. What she found appalled her. Food wrappers were layered between urgent reports and requests. Calling her third seat to assist they sorted through the debris, removing all food related items and piling the papers together. Hiding her shudders of disgust she found she was revolted by evidence of the man's greed. On occasions she had been assured that the man was not as lazy or objectionable as he appeared, but all the evidence seemed to indicate the contrary. The rubbish container was full and the paperwork piled to an alarming standard by the time they were finished and she contemplated the incomplete work with horror.

While she washed her hands and cleaned up she speculated about what she could do. The situation had to be salvaged by whatever means she had at her disposal and as soon as possible. There could be no accusation made that she was less able to cope with her responsibilities than Toshiro. She had to prove herself to be his equal, no his better. That would provide some solace for her wounded pride.

"I want the five seated officers under you to work through this," she said after taking a deep breath. "Not the lieutenant,' she continued as she witnessed a confused look cross her subordinates face. "Read through everything. Bring me the work that is urgent and the requisitions that need to be actioned immediately."

"Yes, Sir," he said promptly.

"Why didn't anyone tell me the situation?" She had been distracted and had relied on her officers to make certain that matters went smoothly. Her trust has been misplaced.

The man cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot as if the question made him feel uncomfortable. "I didn't know. Every time I tried to find something on his desk, the lieutenant insulted me or, or, well he made…" the man faltered and pulled at the collar of his uniform awkwardly. "I found it hard to breathe and he'd push at me with his reiatsu," he whispered.

As the hint sank through, her mind shied with disgust. If he again approached her with a proposal of marriage she would reject him with even less politeness. Even though she was not fond of the man, at least Captain Kuchiki acted like a noble. Omaeda might be related to a noble family but his behaviour lacked the constraints of even those who were considered common.

"Is that all?" Her officers should have persisted.

"No. The lieutenant has ways of making people very uneasy if he gets annoyed by them." The man pressed his lips together and his eyes darted around the room. He seemed exceedingly nervous, but she wanted answers.

Explain," she commanded the man.

With a great amount of hesitation her third seat outlined how Omaeda treated the other seated officers. From his observations it became apparent that the man displayed more arrogance than she had imagined possible. His assertion that he would soon be a Captain, and free to choose his subordinates, amazed her. He hadn't achieved bankai, defeated another Captain and no one would even suggest he would make a competent leader. She would never have recommended him for a Captain's position and if she didn't it would be unlikely that any other Captain would do so.

"He says the Captain Yamamoto is desperate. The proof is that he appointed Toshiro Hitsugaya as a Captain even thought he's barely out of nappies. When I protested and pointed out all that Captain Hitsugaya has achieved, he told me to shut up or he'd make you demote me. When I asked him about the paperwork he told me it was none of my business."

The outrage she felt at that comment scared her. It was true she had questioned the wisdom of appointing such a young person to an important position, but Toshiro was worthy. He'd proven it many times. Despite her anger at the man she could not dismiss his capabilities and strength. The criticisms she was hearing, made her face the many good qualities that the 10th Division Captain possessed. She wished it didn't. It was easier if she could continue to ignore those while focusing on his flaws. She wanted to hate the man! Most of all, she didn't want to think about him, at all, ever again.

That her lieutenant had dared to condemn Toshiro wasn't really a shock. His criticism of others had been regular, but she had ignored it, not caring to respond to his clumsy observations or his hunger for gossip. It was almost as if he believed that his disparaging comments made him appear in a better light when all it did was make her despise him for his inability to try to improve. If he did something to assist another, he expected instant recognition and praise, while ignoring the help he received. Any gossip was immediately spread, if it placed another person in an unflattering light. As she thought about it, she tried to recall Omaeda uttering a complimentary word or phrase about anyone outside his family. She couldn't.

The list of slights and insults continued to mount as her third seat noticed she was listening. The revelation that Omaeda had officers he preferred didn't make her blink in surprise. Each new fact brought to her how all her instructions were ignored. The changes she'd suggested had not been implemented as they would have transferred power out of Omaeda's hands.

While she hadn't trusted the man she had never suspected that he would blatantly flout her orders. It was apparent he was complacent that she wouldn't discover the omission and it had some foundation in truth. There had been much to consider and she cursed her shortcomings.

As he talked more she noticed her third seat relax and the more he relaxed the more information flowed from him. She knew she was strict with her subordinates but that was the role of the Captain. And as a female she often felt that she had to maintain a stronger attitude so that no one would perceive her as being weak. While it had worked, it had also had the unfortunate effect that few of her division felt they could approach her concerning their problems. All this had contributed to the issues which were now being disclosed.

"I need these charges written down. Instruct the other seated officers to manage the paperwork while you formally assemble these charges against Omaeda. While it may not be possible to remove him from his current position, it will make certain that he never progresses any further," she saw the look of dismay spread over the man's face. Remembering something that Yoruichi used to do to gain trust, she addressed him by his name, hoping it would remove some of his concerns and make her appear more accessible. "Jin, your name will not be mentioned. I will copy everything in my own handwriting I will be the person making the accusations."

The man nodded, hope flaring in his eyes.

"I command this Division," she said to herself as much as him. "I may appoint him to permanently administer the Maggots Nest and other detention facilities, if you have no objection."

Jin's face broke into a smile at the thought. The 2nd Division lieutenant was known for avoiding the place as much as possible. Originally he had liked going there and enjoyed swaggering around, insulting the inmates and making them aware of all they had lost. On the last occasion he had visited a group of inmates who had experienced enough of his superior attitude, and were seeking to explain their objections, surrounded him. Jin had been forced to extricate him, personally, and Omaeda had accused him of causing the attack and then swore never to return. Forcing him to take on the managerial role would remove him from much of the work he was meant to be doing and she would instruct all her staff working in the prison to ignore any directives which did not have her approval.

"If that is your decision, Captain, I will not question it, or stand in your way," he said.

Soi was surprised at the way an understanding had grown so quickly between them. It was probably fostered by their need to address a problem that faced the two of them. If only she could do this with Toshiro instead of taking an opposing position which ended up placing them in conflict once more. Without meaning to, she sighed and then tried to turn it into a yawn. Sighing was useless and only made the person who sighed appear weak or short of breath. She was neither.

Resolution made her stand straight and she looked at Jin with her normal commanding attitude. "Get those officers now. I want this paperwork sorted before morning. There will be no mistakes and no extensions of time."

The smile immediately left Jin's face and he looked at her for some time before bowing. "It will be done. I will make certain of it." Before he left the room he turned and gazed at her once more. "Thank you, Captain. In future I will bring any important problems to your notice immediately." The smile he gave her showed his appreciation and she waved a dismissive hand at him, grateful that he left prior to witnessing the answering smile on her face.

She returned to her office with papers she knew she should read immediately. Shifting her chair around, she then adjusted the light, watered a plant that had belonged to Yoruichi which she kept on her desk as a constant reminder of her lover and then fiddled with her writing tools. Her mind skittered over the conversation and kept returning to the insults that her lieutenant had levelled at her Division, and Toshiro. She heard a snap as she broke the pencil she was holding. Dropping it, she worried that she was losing control over her body. She hadn't meant to exert that amount of strength. It had been a mistake. A further mistake in a long line of mistakes.

As she thought through recent events involving Tohsiro, there was only one action she had taken which did not seem either foolish or unfortunate. Strangely that was when she incited Toshiro to fight Kenpachi. That had permitted the two of them to get rid of some excess energy and she had an odd suspicion that it had assisted in the recovery of Lieutenant Matsumoto, though how it had worked she had no idea. Watching the two men fight had fascinated her, watching brawn against youth. Both were talented and she had originally thought they would be unmatched. Watching them she was certain that eventually Kenpachi would have won because of his experience and endurance. Also she knew the man would never give up until he was either the victor, or dead but Toshiro's agility and unpredictable moves had almost made them matched, for a time.

She slammed her hands on the desk as she realised she was thinking of Toshiro again. So what if she loved him? It didn't mean she had to think of him all the time. He wasn't that important. The feeling would pass and if it didn't she'd ignore it. She was a captain with responsibilities and love was a hindrance. Love was dumb and only dumb people fell in love. If she could convince herself that she didn't love the man, which she didn't; (well she hoped she didn't); then she wasn't dumb.

Most of her life she had lived in the shadows of others, always trying to please. When she became Captain she had altered her thinking and she was damned if she was going to change back to the person who focused on pleasing people before she thought of her own needs. Trying to be the person Yoruichi wanted had been a sacrifice she had been willing to make, but that was in her youth. Toshiro was not Yoruichi and Yoruichi was not Toshiro. She loved neither of them. She loved no one. No one loved her.

Satisfied that she'd worked that out, she nodded and then buried her face in her hands. At least she was only thinking these garbled thoughts rather than voicing them aloud. They made no sense and seemed to be designed to confuse her rather than confirm her beliefs.

Aware that she was permitting emotion to dictate her behaviour she rose from her chair and began pacing the floor.

"I won't think about him. Or her," she said aloud to strengthen her resolve. "The past is another country and I don't want to visit it."

The statement struck her as absurd and she found she was giggling. The humour was wrong and she immediately suppressed the impulse. There was something that would remove any thought of laughter and she turned to the paperwork.

Sorting through the papers she found a few loose sheets stuck together and with an expression of disdain she separated the pages with the tips of her fingers. Getting a cloth she wiped of the substance and then washed her hands. Cleaning the papers proved that the loose sheets were in Omaeda's handwriting and the thought of touching those papers revolted her. As she crumpled them, preparing to throw them in with the other rubbish, a few words caught her eye and she immediately smoothed the papers on the desk.

Swiftly she read through the information and then stared fixedly at the wall as she sifted through the unnecessary verbiage and purple passages. The bare facts were that Omaeda was tracing his lineage and had made some startling conclusions. She knew that the noble families claimed to be directly descended from the Gods, but Omeada had taken it one step further. He claimed the Goddess Amaterasu, as his ancestress.

Only the Emperor of Japan and the royal family were permitted to make that claim. The proof of his claim rested on the possession of the Sacred Sword, supposedly lost in the battle of Dannoura.

The ownership of the sword was a flimsy pretext on which to base his assertion. An alternate interpretation could be that an ancestor had stolen the sword during the confusion of the battle.

That was not the most disturbing of his pretensions. The attempt to prove some blood relationship to the Commander-General was frivolous and wouldn't convince anyone, except possibly Momo, and only if Oedema was slightly attractive. The last two claims were the most reprehensible. He claimed to be directly related to the Emperor of Heaven. That was treason. He also claimed to be directly and closely related to the Shinion clan and that was the claim that roused Soi's ire. She disregarded his attempt to prove a link with the Kuchiki clan as unimportant.

It was not possible to monitor treasonous thoughts, but the man had shown incredible stupidity, pride or arrogance in committing them to paper. If this was his belief then it amazed her that he had condescended to ask her to marry him. Rukia would have been a more appropriate choice, but she was engaged to Renji. He would not have dared approach Yoruichi, and the other female Shinigami did not have the correct lineage.

The inference that he felt some affection for her, purely based on their interaction was false. The man saw her as a method by which he could further his ambitions. Looking at the handwriting, it reminded her of other handwriting she had seen recently. She has not removed the flowers sent from her 'Secret Admirer' as yet and removed the card. The writing on the card was disguised but there were enough similarities to indicate that the flowers had come from her lieutenant.

A flush rose on her face as she recalled the basket that had been delivered to her while she was with Retsu. The handwriting on that card was almost the same as the one in front of her.

She had made a mistake! Toshiro had not sent the basket. He had not deliberately chosen banana's to insult her. The black cat was not a reminder of her prior relationship with Yoruichi, but the result of Omaeda's observation of her fascination with black cats. The mauve was the colour of his scarf.

Then she remembered Retsu remarking on the cost of the basket and the items contained within. Why hadn't she worked it out at the time? She had been ready to blame Toshiro and take it for an insult and a reminder of some of the harsh words that had passed between them. Replaying the conversation she'd had with Omaeda, it was borne on her that she had misinterpreted his words as being supplied by Toshiro.

The man had been dreaming about her.

Dreaming about her.

The string of words that erupted from her mouth mostly began with 'f'. The outrage she felt as she realised the type of dreams that the man had been referring to was overlain by a pronounced physical disgust. It was even worse than when she thought those fevered thoughts about marrying the man.

On her feet once more she walked around the room, looking for something she could break, some form of destruction that would relieve some of the rage that threatened to overtake her. If Retsu had not gone to Las Noches she would have sought her out for a talk. If she were on good terms with Toshiro she could have told him. Would he be amused by the news? Was it possible he might have felt some jealousy?

She stopped and stood very still. Her revulsion was removing her concentration from the more important matter. Omaeda's ambitions. Ambitious people were dangerous. The risks they would take, the actions that might result in harm and danger to other people could threaten her Division.

Her earlier decision was correct. The man would be sidelined to administering the prisons, except he would be effectively doing nothing. There would be little change in the amount of work he was doing, but the ability to hurt or impede other people would be removed.

Determined not to wait any longer, she sat down and drafted the order, with a letter of intent which she would send to First Division. Yamamoto may not be pleased by her decision, so she hinted at certain disquieting revelations that had assisted in making the decision. Calling a messenger, the letter of intent was dispatched as she turned once more to the order. It had to be carefully worded. To placate the man she had to phrase it so that he would believe he was being given more responsibility and a senior position. Essentially the appointment was a demotion, but if she gave it a new title and presented it correctly he might be persuaded to take the position.

Not that he had a choice, but he might protest to his family. Thinking the matter over she knew he would appeal to his family if he felt he was being slighted and that would involve explanations which she didn't wish to make. The man had to be removed but in such a manner that it might appear he was being rewarded.

She wrote, read and discarded. Once, twice, three times she tried.

"It's wrong. If it is only facts then it's obvious that I have a problem with him," she sighed as she once more read the page.

Raising her eyes, she cast around the room to find something, anything, that might indicate another approach. Then she saw the man's lying proclamations and smiled as an idea presented itself. Going to the door she opened it and spoke to the people gathered in the next room who were bent over their work.

"Who can write? Not documents, but stories?"

Her subordinates raised their heads, looked at her and then at each other as if searching for an answer.

There was a face she recognised and she pointed to the Shinigami. "You. I've told you many times to rewrite something to contain only the facts. Come here. I have a job for you."

"M..mmm…Me?" quavered the man as he pointed unbelievingly at his chest. "Sir?"

"You. Come in here."

Following her into her office the man stood at attention. As she explained what she wished him to do he became alternately relaxed or tense.

"Sir, are you sure you want me to do this?" he asked when she was finished.

"I insist you do it." It was simple enough. "Now."

He dropped his head and she noticed that his shoulders slumped. If he disobeyed her orders he would find himself in the Maggot's Nest before the day was out. "The lieutenant knows my writing," he said.

This was another of her division who seemed to fear Omaeda more than her. Even though the third seat had explained a number of problems that the man had created this was evidence that she only knew of a portion.

Releasing an angry sigh she noticed a shock of fear course through the man. "I'll rewrite it in my handwriting," she snapped. "If you're clever with the words he'll be pleased, not angry."

The sudden flash of understanding in his eyes was followed by a wide grin. "I'll do my best, Sir."

"How long will it take?" There was no point in giving a long timeframe for this.

"I can do it in an hour, Sir, or even less."

"Get on with it."

Alone once more, Soi returned to her chair and put other issues aside as she did what was necessary.

Unintentionally her mind kept returning to the night when she had told Toshiro he was asleep. Whether he had believed her, or later worked out that she had actually been there was something she might never know. The impulse to return to the room to see if anyone slept there, was quickly suppressed. It might seem like a coincidence once, but twice would make it a habit.

"I want to forgive him. I want him to forgive me. It can never go back to what it was. Why did he have to ask me that question? It could have continued for years, but he had to ask about that stupid friend of his. Marry? He's too young to get married."

Running her teeth across the top of her thumbnail it seemed clear that if Toshiro had not asked the question the problems she now faced would not have occurred. The realisation struck.

"I'd still be pregnant. I'd still have a useless lieutenant. The only difference would be the sex. I miss the sex," she admitted, finally prepared to concede that there was more than one problem in her life that was not caused by the 10th Division Captain.

* * *

A.N.

Yeah, the apology for the last chapter. That was aimed at those who read both 'Different Circumstances' and 'For the Love of a Friend'. That's the last time I apologise. Blame a rotten night's sleep and summer. I hate summer.

_Soundtrack_

Omaeda now a theme song. 'Upright Man' by Bill Laswell.

Kaname Tosen also has a theme song. It is 'Upright Man' by Bill Laswell. It applies to both of them in different ways and as they are minor characters they can share it.

This is a very random list and compiled due to a number of influences, mainly the conflict of feelings Soi experiences during the movie.

'I Never Liked You' Rogue Traders

'Jealousy' Keoki

'All the Pigs, All Lined Up' Nine Inch Nails

'Pocketful of Sadness' Freestylers

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	34. Fallible Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly._

**Fallible Friends**

A short time later he was walking through the door of Zaraki's quarters. His hands were full as were Shunsui's after his lieutenant had made her selection of ingredients for their meal. He wondered why she had purchased so much but was pleasantly assured that he would not be hungry.

Appearing uncertain, Matsumoto led them to a room which he imagined was the kitchen. The furnishing were sparse except for a jumble of things in one corner and there was the requisite cooking area. His stomach protested quietly and he hoped no one would notice. It seemed a long time since he had last eaten a meal in friendly company.

As Matsumoto busied herself, he volunteered to cook the rice for the meal. He'd prepared rice when he made the sushi and as his friend looked so tired, he wanted to help and it might make the meal appear faster. It didn't surprise him at all when Ikkaku and Yumichika appeared at the door way and then he understood that his lieutenant might have also guessed they would turn up which would explain the extra food. They'd probably been following, but were too lazy to help carry the parcels or had been guarding them from any possible attack. He was inclined to believe the latter due to the way the men regarded their captain who had issued strict orders for them to protect his wife.

Conversation at dinner was interesting, but not relevant to his main concerns. Yumichika seemed distracted, Matsumoto was distracted, Ikkaku was distracted... If he was honest everyone seemed to be thinking of something, or someone else, himself included. His mind constantly strayed between Soi and Momo. To try to force those thoughts out, he teased Matsumoto about her abstraction and while it resulted in a certain amount of amusement, he remained despondent and tried to hide that emotion.

Matusmoto soon retired, after giving them permission to stay and entertain themselves, while restricting their use of the good sake. He almost left, but knew it would be a mistake. Going back to his quarters alone would only give him time to brood on the problems he was facing and he'd done that too often.

He noticed with relief when Ikkaku produced a bottle of sake and poured a cup for each of them. "To women," he proclaimed raising his cup.

"No!" Yumichika said. "I won't make that toast."

Looking at the man, Toshiro wondered what was going on. He bit back a sigh wondering if Yumichika was another person who was involved in a disastrous relationship. There had been some banter about women with Yumichika at dinner, but Toshiro's interest had been non-existent. The man must have more experience than he did and probably knew how to deal with unfortunate emotions.

Ikkaku raised an eyebrow and placing his cup on the table crossed his arms. "Forget her."

Yumichika glared at his friend and shook his head. "I don't want to forget and I can't forget. You won't follow your own advice."

"That's different," Ikkaku stammered. "The Captain won't like it, her father doesn't like me, you don't like it. I know it's doomed."

"But you haven't given up!" Yumichika shot back vehemently. "No matter what threats are made, you don't give up. Why should I?"

"Because the woman you're infatuated with is engaged to someone else," Ikkaku said harshly.

Yumichika went white except for the flush that mounted his cheeks. He almost stood and knocked the table hard. Sake spilled from the cups, causing them all to quickly mop up the spilled liquid. After that distraction, Toshiro looked at the three men closely. Shunsui appeared intrigued and unhappy, which did not surprise him. Yumichika was angry and sad while Ikkaku only looked sad.

"Ah, women," Shunsui said lightly. "The blossoms that grace our lives while they cause our downfall. Is it better to have loved and lost?"

"No!"

The explosive negative made them all look at Yumichika again. "I won't believe I've lost her, no matter how many times she gets engaged."

Despite himself, Toshiro was beginning to understand the situation. There was only one female Shinigami he knew of who was engaged. With a mixture of respect and disbelief he spoke. "Rukia is engaged to Renji and her brother had given his blessing."

"She doesn't want to marry him!" While his voice was steady, there was the element of fear in Yumichika's voice. "She can't! Not now."

"Give up," Ikkaku said. His face twisted with pain as he spoke.

"You haven't! And I fucking won't!"

The silence that descended on the room was sudden. Shunsui picked up the bottle of sake and refilled the cups. "Let's drink. Forget women, forget pride and most of all forget love. It only brings complications."

Toshiro found he was nodding in agreement. "To deceit," he said and raised his cup.

The reaction of the three men was unexpected. They stared at him as if he had spoken in a foreign language.

"What's that mean?" Ikkaku said, the curiosity almost palpable.

Now he thought about it, he had made a rather strange toast. He had been deceiving himself all this time about his feelings for Soi. He was certain that Shunsui was involved with Isane or had been and that had not worked out. The man was in denial, that was clear from some of their conversations. Each of them was lying to himself to some extent but to state it aloud might sour the mood considerably.

He thought quickly and uttered something he thought might please them all. "Women deceive us all the time, about how they feel about us, what they want. Let's not toast their beauty, but their deceit."

Each man nodded in agreement and drank the contents of their cup quickly. This time Toshiro refilled them.

"To the lies we tell ourselves," Ikkaku said loudly, pointedly looking at Yumichika.

"We all lie," Shunsui said quickly with an accompanying slow smile. "Lying is part of life as we all know. Some of us are better liars than lovers, but I prefer to be the better lover."

"Who is it this week?" Ikkaku asked with poorly feigned interest.

Toshiro welcomed the change of topic and suggested, "Maybe we can guess who will be broken hearted next week."

"Not Rukia," Yumichika asserted very quickly.

"She's not even here. Anyone who's not here can't be included." Ikkaku said.

"Matsumoto," Toshiro threw in attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

For a second there was silence and they all started laughing.

"I want my testicles to remain intact," Shunsui said, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. "I don't know who to fear the most. You three, Kenpachi or Ran."

That comment set them laughing again and the atmosphere lightened.

Another round of sake was poured which they drank and then another.

"Why won't Nanao leave me alone?"

Hearing that question shocked Toshiro. Rather than mourning the love he had lost, Shunsui seemed more concerned by the approaches of his lieutenant.

"Get a wife. Nanao will leave you alone if you're married," Ikkaku said laughing and then stopped suddenly and fell silent.

The silence spread and they all seemed to reach for the sake at the one time. Toshiro gulped the sake as his mind considered the possibility of marrying Soi. It was a distant possibility as they weren't even speaking and she hated him. While he loved her, persuading her to marry him would be a problem if she continued to feel that way. If they did marry and she didn't love or like him, living with her would be impossible. She was too moody and serious. The few times he's seen her smile had passed too quickly for him to enjoy. Being shackled to the impossible woman would be unbearable. Thinking about it was ridiculous. He'd mentioned having children with her, but marry the woman?

He wouldn't find unwanted women in his bed. The situation with Kiyone would not have occurred if he was married to Soi. He wouldn't have to worry about competing for other men for her attention. It would protect her from her useless lieutenant, but she would protest she didn't need protection.

Becoming aware that he was shaking his head in response to his thoughts, he swallowed and looked at the others. Each of them seemed distracted by their own thoughts and from the expression on their faces, their thoughts were as unhelpful as his had been. Nemu was in Hueco Mundo and her father would never permit her to marry Ikkaku, Rukia was engaged to Renji and Isane had rejected Shunsui and was also in Hueco Mundo. Of all the failed relationships the one that seemed salvageable was Shunsui's with Isane if he could find the courage to take bad his foolish words and if she could forgive him. Neither seemed likely.

"Should I try again?" Shunsui muttered apparently talking to himself. "Each time I try to talk to another woman, I think of her and how she would respond to what I say."

"Who is it?" Ikkaku apparently couldn't resist asking the question and Toshiro was curious as to how the Captain would reply. Until now he had failed to answer direct and indirect questions about his love life and Toshiro only knew because of a verbal slip. But then, he too was keeping the identity of the woman involved in his failed relationship a secret.

Instead of trying to change the subject, this time, Shunsui blinked tiredly and Toshiro was not sure if he had imagined those traces of moisture in the man's eyes. "Isane," he whispered.

"You're not serious? The shyest woman in the Seireitei and you? You've got nothing in common," Ikkaku burst out incredulously.

Shunsui seemed to realise what he'd said and gave the 11th Division third seat a cool look. "And you have so much in common with Nemu?'

The small flush that rose in Ikkaku's cheeks indicated that he'd been forced to acknowledge the insult he'd delivered. "Isane's shy. You would be the last person she'd get involved with," he tried to counter. "You're with a different woman every week."

"Not now. Not for some time," Shunsui replied. "And we can't forget when you rampaged through the female population with the assistance of Renji."

Ikkaku looked even more abashed. "I was trying to make him stop obsessing about Rukia," he admitted sadly.

The small silence that fell at the mention of her name drew attention to Yumichika who looked even more dismayed before he suddenly spoke with none of his usual calm. "If he was so taken with her, why did he ignore her?"

Ikkaku looked dismayed. "I made a suggestion that he try to act like he didn't care so much. I told him to see other women and he did. He helped my Captain's wife to recover from Aizen's rape, before she got involved with Captain Zaraki, of course. I thought it would make Rukia become interested, if Renji started seeing other women."

Toshiro gulped slightly. That meant that Matsumoto and Renji had..... Was that why Zaraki had stated he owed the guy? His lieutenant's secret would not remain a secret much longer, and he wondered how it would affect her. Any sympathy would be rejected and while she might appear to be ignorant of the gossip, she would know and it would hurt. If only there was a possibility that she could leave the hot bed of gossip that was the Seireitei before this story became general knowledge.

Yumichika's eyes widened and then narrowed. He obviously had not known about either incident and then he nodded firmly, as a piece of information had confirmed something he suspected. The stare he turned on Ikkaku was bereft of friendship and contained only calculation and mistrust.

Shunsui's look of surprise faded into bemusement as he shrugged. "So that's the whole story now. I wondered, but didn't want to ask Ran. Her reactions were too extreme to question."

Toshiro began to understand. In trying to help his friend cope with love apparently unreturned, Ikkaku had attempted to help Renji. As the problem was ongoing he didn't mention it to anyone and advised a course of action which might have helped in some situations but only compounded the problems related to this one.

Despite any feelings she might have held for Renji, due to his apparent disinterest Rukia had found companionship with Yumichika. This added to her brother's apparent distaste for her friend would have only served to foster the burgeoning romance.

No matter what assurance anyone could provide Ikkaku might feel responsible for the current situation. He seemed to be drinking faster, pouring out cup after cup and gulping them down and fetching a fresh bottle. It was very evident that he was not looking at anyone as he kept his eyes firmly on the table.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yumichika was standing now, his hands on his hips and his attitude embodying his anger. Toshiro could not remember seeing the man angry before and would not have expected this anger to be directed at his best friend. "I thought Renji had given up. You told me they were friends and everything was in the past."

"I promised Renji it would be a secret and it was nothing to do with you and then I warned you to leave her alone. You didn't tell me about Rukia until too late, did you? If I'd known earlier I would have told you what I'd discussed with Renji and this mess wouldn't have happened."

"What? I was supposed to tell you I'd fallen in love with her before I knew how she felt? I'm not some lovesick teenager who tells his friends everything. Do you think I'm like Keigo? Or Ichigo? You should have told me what you'd advised that other love sick fool. I thought we didn't keep secrets."

Ikkaku sat back, the stunned look on his face showing he had not expected that reaction, but Yumichika continued. "You didn't tell me about Nemu until her freaking father threatened you and then you asked me to do something about him."

"Why would I tell you? It wasn't my secret?" Ikkaku was beginning to sound angry.

"Why would you tell me? We're friends, or meant to be. Your relationship with Nemu is important!" Yumichika drew himself up tall and seemed to be both cold and angry.

"So was yours with Rukia!" Ikkaku was becoming more heated.

Toshiro looked from one to the other and tried to think of a way of breaking the increasing tension.

Suddenly Shunsui interrupted with a laugh that sounded bitter and forced. "Friends and lovers. We should trust our friends because our lovers betray us."

"So do our friends," Yumichika said looking pointedly at Ikkaku.

Ikkaku now rose and faced his friend his hand on the handle of his zanpakuto. "I didn't betray you. Hell, why did you have to fall for her? Why didn't you ask?"

"I could ask you the same." Yumichika's hand was on the handle of his blade now. The level of stress that was leaking from the two men had increased dramatically.

This was degenerating fast and Toshiro did not think Matsumoto would like her husband's subordinates fighting in her kitchen while she was sleeping. The sake was slowing his thought processes and he struggled to find a solution. He had come to like both Ikkaku and Yumichika and respected their close and long standing friendship and didn't want it to be broken by a dispute over their disastrous love affairs.

Nothing came to mind. As the two bent closer to each other he finally remembered something that had worked once before. Concentrating his power he lowered the temperature around the bodies of the two men, but more quickly than he'd anticipated. Within seconds the two men started to shiver while they stood staring, each trying to intimidate the other. When their teeth began to chatter and their bodies shake with the increasing cold they removed their hands from their weapons and began to hug themselves.

"I think you can stop now, Toshiro," Shunsui voice this time was amused. "I remember you did that to me and it sobers you up pretty quickly."

Before he did so he gave quick touch of chill to himself and Shunsui in an effort to restore some sobriety. The shock of the cool made his head spin and a sudden headache form behind his eyes.

"Love makes fools of us all, even without the help of women," the gravity in Shunsui's voice impressed Toshiro. It was also a deflection of blame, forcing their attention to the emotion rather than those who roused that feeling.

"I never wanted to fall in love. The sex was the main objective." Surprisingly, this admission came from Ikkaku. "Nemu is not the type of woman I usually find attractive..." His voice trailed off and his face twisted with anguish.

"Rukia was unobtainable, or at least I thought so. I'd never considered.... It didn't.... I wasn't," Yumichika paused and then held out his hands in supplication. "It happened."

Toshiro found he was nodding in agreement. It had happened. Why or how didn't matter anymore. The genesis of these problems were in the past and nothing could alter what had already occurred.

"I'd swear off love, but each time I have, I fall in love once more," Shunsui said lightly.

"Let's get drunk and talk about something else," Ikkaku said as he poured more sake for each of them. "Not friendship, or love or women."

"Or sex, Aizen, the traitors or gossip," Toshiro added thinking that those subjects could also prove dangerous.

Yumichika pouted slightly as he raised his eyebrows. "Is there anything left to discuss?"

Ikkaku pounded his friend on the shoulder. "Fighting and food," he exclaimed.

"We could work out a roster for who sleeps here until Captain Zaraki returns," Toshiro suggested. It would solve a number of problems if that could be worked out early.

The two 11th Division men looked at him and burst out laughing. Shunsui added his chuckle and said, "Drinking and working out a roster. Toshiro, you've got much to learn about having a good time."

Feeling his face flush at the implied insult he tried to protest, but found a sake cup had been placed in each hand.

"Drink and stop thinking," Ikkaku urged.

"Thinking got me into this mess," Shunsui stated. "I was trying to protect my freedom and instead ended it."

"Yeah, if you think too much you'll end up looking like Yamamoto," Yumichika said and shuddered delicately. "Drink."

Encouraged he drank, matching them drink for drink until his eyes began to close. They discussed nothing much, while carefully avoiding further discussion of love and women.

"Captain, I think it's time we slept," a slurred but familiar voice said and Toshiro started awake to find his head was resting on the table.

"It's not going to be comfortable. There's only two sleeping mats, but I think we're all too wasted to care." Ikkaku continued. The man was standing, swaying slightly as he seemed to be trying to focus.

Staggering, Toshiro got to his feet, and together, clutching at each other, the four men made their way to the mats spread on the floor. As he fell in the approximate position of one he felt Shunsui fall on him. Grunting slightly, he pushed the man away and then...

He was awoken by screaming. Loud, hysterical screaming roused him and he opened his eyes immediately and then shut them, fearing they would fall out of their sockets. An aching head and dry mouth in addition to his eyes proved he'd too much to drink and he vaguely recalled why.

Trying to rise to his feet proved problematic. There was a weight pressing down on his legs and another one on his chest. Once more he opened his eyes only to see a bare foot immediately in front of his face. Hearing a groan, he saw the foot was withdrawn and another answering groan was soon followed by the weight being removed from his leg. As fast as he could he got to his feet and followed by Shunsui, Ikkaku and Yumichika they moved as swiftly as four hung over men could to the door of the bedroom. There was no doubt that the screaming issued from that room and Toshiro found enough energy to feel concern about what they might find inside.

The door seemed stuck and together they pushed at it until it broke. Entering the room, he blinked. There seemed to be a shadowy figure reaching toward his lieutenant. He shouted a warning and the figure dissipated, fading like smoke into the air.

"Search the room," he ordered. There was something wrong and the room carried an ominous presence that made the back of his neck prickle.

Matsumoto was lying flat on the bed, almost like someone was holding her down and while she was trying desperately to get free of her invisible assailant she was trying to free her arms. As fast as he could he moved beside her and tried to shake her awake.

"Matsumoto, wake up," he said loudly. At his touch her arms flailed out and her fist connected painfully with his shoulder. The impact nearly knocked him off his feet and her response alarmed him. She hadn't even opened her eyes, but continued to struggle as if she was fighting for her life, or something even more important.

Trying to remain calm he tried talking to her again, hoping that his familiar voice would wake her. "That hurt! Good thing that was my shoulder and not my face. It's me. Calm down, lieutenant." The shoulder ached so he rubbed at it when Matsumoto finally opened her eyes. Fortunately she stopped screaming at the same time and the sudden cessation of noise made his ears ring.

"What the hell is going on? We were sleeping and then you started screaming like a banshee," Shunsui, sounded unusually angry, as he looked sharply through the room. Toshiro had never heard that edge of anger in his voice before and it made him recognise once more that he cared for his friend, despite his regular teasing comments.

Matsumoto gasped and didn't even try to wipe the tears that were streaming down her face. Shudders wracked her body and her voice was indistinct and choked. "Aizen. He was pretending to be Zaraki and was raping me again. He told me Zaraki was dead."

Toshiro looked around the room very carefully again. There was no sign of forced entry except the one they had caused to enter. He did this carefully as he didn't want to think about what she'd said. Aizen was invading her dreams and after her previous experience he was loathe to say anything that might make matters worse. Instinctively he wanted to hug her, but years of repression made the action difficult.

To his combined relief and shame, Shunsui took the woman into his arms, with gentle care. "Nightmares. There was no one here. We had to break the door to get inside. Oh, Ran, poor, Ran. You're still not over it."

Trying to hide his emotions Toshiro observed with some relief, "I assume that means you haven't lost your memory today." Honesty forced him to add what he had observed. "That's one thing I don't have to think about, but when I came into the room I could have sworn I saw a shadowy figure bent over you. It vanished as soon as we came into the room."

A look of alarm flickered through Matsumoto's eyes and she looked around the room fearfully. Further concerned by that reaction he moved to the window and opened it to see if there was any evidence of entry. The sun was rising and watching it let his mind escape from the tedium of trying to work out what had happened. He'd need to rid himself of the raging headache before he attempted to decipher any meaning from these events. Being attacked while sleeping through the dreams sounded like some plot of a bizarre movie he'd watched while staying in the human world. It couldn't be possible that Aizen had found a way to invade dreams.

"I can't see anything to show that anyone was here," Ikkaku said. The man moved next to Toshiro and also stared out the window. From his earlier interaction with him, he guessed Ikkaku was experiencing a sense of failure. He'd been entrusted with the safety of his Captain's wife and some of the evidence indicated that she'd been attacked while he'd slept in the other room.

"It was a nightmare," Shunsui said comforting Matsumoto. Toshiro let some of the tension evaporate but the next words he spoke, made the stress increase. "You've heard the rumours about what happened between that bastard Aizen and Ran."

Both Ikkaku and Toshiro turned and stared at Shunsui.

"Why did he have to mention that now?" was Toshiro's immediate thought. When she had explained about the events to him on the previous day he could tell how the admission had hurt her. He didn't know much about women, but it seemed she had been ashamed and felt guilty and while he felt sympathetic, it made no sense that she seemed to take the full blame. Captain Unohana had explained that this was normal, yet he wondered why. Did a crime survivor always feel guilt for the aggravated actions of their attacker?

Instead of replying, Ikkaku and Yumichika simply nodded. The expression on Matsumoto's face made him decide to quickly change the subject before she began to cry again.

"Seeing you're awake, and after hearing those screams I don't think I'll go back to sleep, we should go and see Hanatoro." Maybe the episodes of memory loss where gone, but this new manifestation of bad dreams might be another symptom. The fact that he always associated 4th Division with Soi and sex was not the reason he was so eager to go there. He wanted to make certain that Momo had not deteriorated further after the revelation. Soi would not be there. From now she would probably avoid the place unless she was dying and had no choice but to go there.

Shunsui looked at him and then understanding flared in his eyes. "I think I'll go and try to catch up on my sleep. It's not easy sharing two sleeping mats amongst four people, nor was it very comfortable. Get some more mats, or something for next time."

Matsumoto made some protest to which Ikkaku replied, but Toshiro wasn't interested. The next words uttered by Shunsui seemed particularly pertinent and nearly accusatory.

"We were drinking, drowning our sorrows and talking, you know how it is. I had no reason to go home, fearing what I might find in my bed and Toshiro here drank too much. You snore when you've been drinking," Shunsui said.

He could reply that Shunsui was not innocent of that last claim. When he'd partially woken during the night he noticed that at least two of the others were rending the night with their breathing difficulties. Instead he kept silent and wondered if he should try to get everyone moving.

Eventually Matsumoto forced the issue, asking them to leave the room so she could dress. They drifted toward the kitchen and each of them drank large quantities of water while Shunsui made tea and each of them took turns to use the other bathroom.

"We should eat," Yumichika said. "It might help with the nausea."

"Not eggs," Toshiro said.

"Rice porridge," Ikkaku said. "Anyone can make that and it's bland enough."

"I want some toast." He didn't know he wanted toast until he mentioned it.

Working together it took a short time before the toast and rice porridge was prepared. They sat at the table and ate while sipping at the welcome tea.

Ikkaku burped loudly and patted his chest. "That's better. More tea."

"Manners," Yumichika said sternly and then went red as he tried to hide his own burp.

"Manners," Ikkaku said. "I hear movement. I think Ran's nearly here.

"Breakfast, Ran," Shunsui said as she entered the kitchen.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you've had a hard time of it," Shunsui said.

Ikkaku grinned. "Our Captain insisted."

"And you're our friend," Yumichika added hastily.

Feeling an unfamiliar surge of sentiment Toshiro added, "I missed you."

He then turned his attention elsewhere, not wishing to hear any response that would further tax his emotions. Mercifully his lieutenant quickly finished her meal and he stood as soon as she placed her emptied cup on the table. Last night was a bad memory and he wished to leave the scene of those incidents. Tonight, when he was alone there might be the chance to reflect upon any possible options he could take to regain Soi's friendship. Friendship was not the right word, but it did not seem any simple way to categorise the situation between them.

Switching his attention he considered the events of that morning. That figure standing in the bedroom, the difficulty in waking Matsumoto and his hangover all required attention. While he was in 4th Division he would discuss these matters with some of the people who might be able to provide answers. Discussions he'd had with Hanatoro had disclosed that Iemura had been spending some time with Momo. The man might be able to disclose if there were any factors he could identify that would help his friend.

"I'll visit Momo while I'm at 4th Division," Matsumoto said as they began to walk.

Gratefully he nodded. It was kind of her to remember his earlier request. "This time I think it would be best if we visited her separately. I would like to talk to Iemura and Hanatoro about a few things I've noticed," Toshiro looked very solemn as he longingly thought of relief from his pounding headache.

* * *

A.N.

Don't really have much to say except to request/ask/demand reviews.

Soundtrack

'Love Phantom' Bz's

'Boys Don't Cry' The Cure

'So Many Nights' The Cat Empire

'Badimo' Juno Reactor

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	35. Never Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the new ones which are now populating 2nd Division. I make no money from the publication of this work. _

**Never Friends**

"Captain, could you please read this and approve it. I think it contains the correct amount of flattery and misdirection, but I'm not sure if it is too obvious," Sano, the Shinigami she had charged with writing the letter had knocked and entered when she gave him permission.

Raising her head from the report she was reading, she was amazed to find that an hour had passed and she had managed to concentrate, once she had wrenched her mind from her useless maunderings about Toshiro. Each time she had begun to think about him she had concentrated on reading and it had worked. While it was a relief to have time when her thought were not constantly straying to the father of her child, it made her miss him more when he popped up in her thoughts.

Holding out her hand, she took the papers that were placed there and glanced over the letter. Without being aware of it, her mouth opened and she found she was torn between amusement and horror. Her subordinate's ability with words was beyond question. When the letter was first read, it provided a compelling argument for her lieutenant to accept the new position which was presented, subtly, as a slight promotion.

Reading the letter again more slowly, she noted the careful manipulation of the recognised weaknesses of Omaeda. Family and status were mentioned more than once; the need for careful management of any prisoners who might provide a potential threat and as the overseer he would not need to have any contact with the people under his 'protection' unless he felt it was necessary. While it was not stated clearly, the position was presented as an interim measure before promotion to Captain was carefully considered.

Trying to keep her face straight she nearly laughed as Omaeda's leadership' qualities were praised, but there were some areas where the letter needed to be ambiguous. The promises were nearly tangible and might later provide ammunition if the man decided to use the letter as a basis to demand promotion. She made notations along the problem areas and handed the papers back.

"Soften those phrases. Otherwise I admit that you have performed well. This is the style required. When it is complete, bring it here."

The man nodded and had nearly exited the room when Soi asked, "How is the rest of the work progressing?" She could have easily gone out and checked the situation, but the man was here. Asking took seconds.

"Quite well, considering," and then he stopped.

"Considering what?" The hesitation alerted her that there may be additional problems with the paperwork and orders that had not been completed.

"That more people are coming forward who have had bad encounters with the lieutenant. There have been a few women who are...." The man went quiet and seemed to search for the right word, "unhappy?" he finally added.

"How are they unhappy?" Immediately after she said it, she regretted the question.

Sano shifted his neck uncomfortably and again took some time before he answered. "They won't tell me. " He avoided her eyes and she began to feel a rising anger as the possibility of what the women were 'unhappy' about came to her.

"They want to talk to you," his voice had dropped to barely a whisper which confirmed her fears.

"I will listen," she said firmly. Taking charge of the situation before it deteriorated any further was the only action possible. All the issues she had not had time to consider or resolve were coming back to her. Flushing slightly she remembered the insults that Toshiro had levelled at her after he'd spoken to her Division about fighting the Arrancar. Now it seemed he had been correct and her false beliefs that it was her instructions which guided her Division were being removed, not through slow erosion, but sudden collapse.

"Now?" Sano words and well as his expression showed his amazement.

"Yes, now. Order, I mean, ask them, to come in," she said, proud that she showed no evidence of how much her inclination pushed her toward going for a very, very long walk.

"Yes, Sir," he said and left the room.

Waiting, she rose to her feet and paced. During this unexpected and unwanted interview she would sit, but for now she would work off a little of the emotional conflict.

Too soon the knock came and she resumed her seat and called out, "Come in." In answer to her summons, the door opened and a group of 5 women filed in. One had been crying and the others expressions ranged from mutinous to fearful. Soi recognised each of them and wondered why such disparate people should wish to see her as a group.

She was not surprised to see Matsuri as one of the members of the group. Forthright and brave, the woman was often requesting appointments to speak with Soi. Her lieutenant would inform her of the request and then outline the reason for the request, which was always trivial. Now she faced the woman, she wondered if the man had made false representations and effectively blocked access to Soi so that she would be kept in ignorance of the problems. Matsuri was tall and dwarfed the other females in the 2nd Division, and some of the men.

Oki was slender and delicate, some might call her petite. She kept her hair long and it was often twisted into some style that was both intricate and attractive, making her seem even more fragile and supporting the idea that she was a person more accustomed to being protected.

"I have been informed that you are unhappy. While your emotional state should not affect your work, I have decided to listen to your issues to see if we can reach some compromise." She may as well be blunt. Talking around the subject would only prolong the problem.

Matsuri looked mutinous and spoke before anyone else could open her mouth. "Where's the lieutenant?"

Soi coolly raised an eyebrow. The woman had not answered the question and showed a marked lack of respect. Her behaviour would not be tolerated. "Is that the issue?" was her next statement.

Matsuri noticed her glare and obviously reminded to whom she spoke, her expression changed a little. "I heard that the lieutenant has been given leave. Is it true?"

"Is it?" Oki asked eagerly almost as soon as the other woman finished speaking.

Not wishing to disclose the reason for the man's absence, Soi sat straight in her chair and said, "I have directed Lieutenant Omaeda to take thirty days leave so he may address some family matters."

"Thirty days. Does that mean the porker won't be pushing his snout into other people's business for the rest of the month?" Matsuri was leaning forward, a glimmer of excitement clearly noticeable.

From the conversation it was becoming clear that few people within her Division had a good opinion of her lieutenant. In some strange way his proposal had forced this result; she was now discovering the truth and would be able to reclaim her Division and make it function.

She gauged the expression on each woman's face. They were all eagerly awaiting her reply and she saw no reason to delay. Flitting over her mind was the concern that they were going to reveal cases of forced sexual depravity with the man and it that were so, she would arrange his assassination without hesitation. It was not possible to overlook the attraction of that idea. There would be no need for tedious explanations or worrying about if the man would once more commence his unwanted attentions.

Forcing a composed look on her face she replied, "The lieutenant will be absent for the next thirty days. As I have told him not to report for work during that time, he will not be permitted to interfere with the running of this Division for this month." Not one of them could question her about this again. She had made it perfectly clear.

The reaction of the women amazed her. Two of them turned to each other and after raising their arms high, slapped their palms together. The other two hugged themselves and wriggled with excitement. The other simply shut her eyes. These actions indicated the delight of the women, but appeared to indicate that the anticipated problems might be very different to her fears.

"Sit," she ordered the women. If this was going to take some time, she may as well have them sitting at eye level than needing to crane her neck to look up at them.

A few minutes of bustle and the women were seated, facing her. Deciding to take charge and find out all that was going on she addressed them. "If there is an issue with Omaeda, you will tell me now. As quickly and concisely as you can."

All the women began to speak at once, stopped, looked at each other, nodded then once more began to speak.

"One at a time. You, Midori, you speak first." Midori was the quietest of them and might be quick, at least that was Soi's reasoning.

Midori cleared her throat quietly, opened her mouth, coughed slightly and cleared her throat once more. She cast a panicked look at Soi and then swallowed hard. In a low and quivering voice she said, "The lieutenant demands that I bake him biscuits and cakes every other day. He says it is my duty as his subordinate. I've asked him to pay for the ingredients, but he won't. Too much of my spare time is taken up with making food for that man. He's never thanked me." During the time she spoke, her voice became firmer and almost angry. As her voice faded away and she looked guilty at showing her anger, or at least that was Soi's assumption.

Soi picked up a brush and made some notes. It seemed a trivial issue, but if the demand was regular and she received no form of compensation it was unfair.

"You left out about having to make his meals for him three times a week," Matsuri said.

"I don't want to think about it," Midori said, her face turning white.

It was obvious that the man was taking advantage of the woman, not sexually, but of her talent in preparing food. This would not be permitted. "You are excused from preparing any type of food for Omaeda. If he makes any further demands, refer him to me. "

Midori nodded and sat back in her chair, her hands folded neatly. She was suddenly calmer and her breathing slowed. Turning to the other woman who had spoken little, once more Soi had to try to remember her name. It started with an N and that was all she could remember.

"You speak next," she said abruptly, hoping that the omission of the name would not be noticed.

"I'm Nana, Captain."

Soi froze. The woman had noticed that she wasn't addressed by name and was either angry enough to point it out, polite in the giving of her name, or hurt. Recently she had run from too many problems, or handled them badly. Instead of trying to slide over the problem, she nodded. "Nana. What did Omaeda expect you to do?"

"His washing," the woman said flatly.

One woman to feed him, one to wash for him. It was becoming clear that the man was using the women in her Division to perform tasks he was too lazy to undertake. "What sort of washing?"

"All of it. His disgusting clothes, his sheets, towels, everything. And he demanded it was washed by hand, scented with vanilla, ironed and returned to his house the next day." The anger in the woman's voice was not directed at Soi and during the time she spoke, she shuddered with disgust, as if affected by the memory. "If he didn't like it, he'd wipe his filthy sandals over if and send it back. My time was not my own."

As the words spilled out, she saw the other women's expression turn to disgust at Omaeda and compassion for Nana. A small idea began to form at the back of Soi's mind. The information which had been presented to her over the last day was making the previous planned punishment of the man seem almost too kind.

Looking at the remaining women she asked, "Which of you was forced to clean his quarters?"

"Me," Oki said, her expression set.

The single word contained a wealth of emotion. While she could tell she would not like what she was going to hear, Soi asked, "Was it bad?"

"I would prefer to clean out a stable. At least horses don't have revolting personal habits."

The reply provided enough information. She had imagined and now the evidence seemed to prove her ideas correct. Swiftly she made another note. Cleaning, washing and cooking. The man had allocated the ongoing tasks to others. What did that leave? She was nervous about the final two possibilities. Preferring to find out the worst she asked, "Were any of you forced to serve him, sexually?"

Trying to prevent the blush from rising to her face as she asked, she stared at them, hoping they wouldn't notice.

Matsuri shook her head and then nodded slightly. This shocked Soi more than any of the previous disclosures. This was one woman she could not imagine permitting the lieutenant to touch her, let alone to have sexual intercourse with the man.

"He made me procure women for him," she admitted.

The gasps that rose from the other women showed that they didn't know either.

"It was humiliating. I had to find women willing to have sex with him and pay them," Matsuri looked directly at Soi. "Before they met him, I described the type of man he was. At least he only wanted straight sex and eventually I managed to find three women who didn't care, as long as they got paid and I had to pay, most times."

"You were not forced to have sex with him?" Soi asked, unable to bear further suspense.

Matsuri grinned fiercely. "There are limits."

One thing was becoming clear. These women had been forced take care of the man, but she still didn't understand why. Surely his rank was not enough to coerce them into becoming his personal staff. There had to be some underlying reason or background issue of which she was unaware which had made it possible for Omaeda to manipulate these women so readily.

She was determined to find out, but before she began the difficult task of questioning, there was one final piece of the puzzle. What did the final woman do? Soi stared at her. Small and plump this woman brimmed with a quiet confidence. It seemed unlikely that she had been used sexually and she did not seem quite as angry or upset as the others. She had been the one who closed her eyes in gratitude earlier.

"What chores did Omaeda make you perform?"

"His shopping, mainly," was the reply. "Or take his shoes or weapons for repair. There was always something that needed to be done." No trace of emotion was shown in the voice. "And his business correspondence. Eventually he stopped telling me what to do and I made the decisions."

That changed everything. Suddenly Soi knew there was another method available by which she could express her displeasure with her lieutenant. Not immediately, but once she had found out all the problems and worries caused by the man, there would be ample opportunity to cause the man to regret the way he'd used these women and other people.

It came to her that she needed to reassure these women. "You are hereby forbidden to undertake any task, work, request, job or assignment from Lieutenant Omaeda." The thankful smiles on the women's faces indicated that she had made the right choice.

"What about his threats?" Matsuri was the only woman not smiling.

Here was the fact that she knew existed, but didn't know how to discover. "Explain," she said simply.

Fleeting fear indicated that there was a reason that these women had been selected. "He was blackmailing me."

The other women looked at each other and then all nodded in agreement.

"He said I'd be kicked out of the Seireitei if anyone knew what I'd done," Okitsu said, her expression tragic.

"He told me he'd make certain I was locked up in the Maggot's nest," Midori was verging on tears as she made the admission.

"Me too," Nana admitted.

"What had you done?" Soi asked harshly. If these women had broken the law she would have to take the appropriate action, despite the notion that each of them had already been sufficiently punished.

"For assaulting a superior officer. When he first told me I had to find him women, I hit him. No, I attempted to kill him," Matsuri said. "I kept trying to see you, to explain, but he never let me near you."

"He said he'd seen me perform forbidden kido, but I hadn't. I'd made a mistake in performing the spell," Nana said through lips that seemed unwilling to move. "It backfired, but no one was hurt."

"My husband is jealous. The lieutenant told me he'd tell my husband that we were lovers. I love my husband but he thinks all women lie. I pretended all the jobs Omaeda made me do were for us, so I did end up lying to him." The woman whose name she didn't remember admitted.

Matsuri snorted. "Your husband's a fool. I told you that when you married him, Chloe."

Chloe shrugged and looked slightly abashed. "He's my husband."

There was a small, uncomfortable silence and Soi decided she might as well find out the full details. "Was the lieutenant blackmailing each of you?"

They all nodded.

"Had any of you done anything that could be seen as illegal or immoral? We'll ignore the assault charges."

"I objected to the way he spoke to women," Midori explained. "I told him that we were his equal in all ways, but he kept insisting that we should respect tradition. Women should obey any orders given by a male and as he was my superior officer I had to obey him, or end up being demoted."

Matsuri leapt in immediately. "He treated all women like they were little fools who didn't know a blade from a cooking knife."

"I hate him. I want him to suffer," Chloe said unexpectedly. "He kept threatening to tell my husband all sorts of lies. I was so unhappy that I began to make mistakes." Trickles of moisture trailed down her face which she wiped away with the back of her hand. The mixture of relief and anger on her face showed how the stress of the situation was still with her and she had trouble believing that it would pass anytime soon. "My husband began to ask difficult questions."

"I wrote you a letter to tell you everything," Midori said. "Nothing happened. I thought you'd read it and ignored my words."

It was becoming clear why the man had opened all her mail and read it. He must have guessed that some of the women would take action and try to alert her to the problems. The man was not as foolish as she thought. He took advantage of any opportunity to gain servants and then prevent them from escaping from his imposed duties. Why he had never shown this cunning in getting the work done, or finding out important information was pretty evident. The skills he possessed he preferred to keep secret so he could use them only for his own benefit.

"The letter never reached me," Soi said quietly. "Omaeda opened every piece of mail sent to me, despite any written warning that it should be delivered, unopened, into my hands."

Instead of any exclamation or amazement, instead she saw each of the women nod, as if her statement had confirmed a theory. Instead of questioning further she sat awaiting any comments. She had heard the suggestion that sometimes silence could make people talk more than direct questioning.

On a few occasions she recalled Yamamoto would let a silence stretch during a Captain's meeting when he'd asked for volunteers, and eventually someone would come forward. She always tried to resist; the silence seemed to weigh heavily on all, but rarely did she give way. Her pride would not permit her to do so. Let those who carried some guilt salve their conscience by following the dictates of the old man. Her conscience was clear. She had nothing for which she should feel guilty. Momentarily her mind presented her an image of Toshiro which she resolutely pushed away. That was different, she reasoned. He'd made the mistake, not her. Her mistakes were caused by him. Even as she indulged in the justification, she knew it was flawed. At the moment, it didn't matter. She was only trying to convince herself and her experience in presenting palatable lies to ease her soul was almost second nature.

"I heard rumours about that," Midori admitted. "I heard important documents went missing. And wasn't there something about someone not being taken to the Maggots Nest. Wasn't he a friend of..."

"I think you're mistaken," Chloe jumped in, looking distinctly nervous. "All the people identified as being potentially dangerous have been quarantined." There was a catch to her voice and it was obvious that the mention of this had distressed the woman considerably.

"Or killed accidentally while being taken into custody," Soi said, remembering a report she had recently read. "But that was by the members of 10th Division. The arrest should have been under my jurisdiction."

Chloe dropped her head, refusing to look at anyone. That gave the hint to Soi. Again she refrained from commenting.

Matsuri snorted. "He was your husband's cousin. Bit deal. You can't feel responsible for every weakling produced by that family."

"The order was lost. If he'd been taken discreetly by our Division instead of being arrested in public and then killed in the scuffle, my husband would not be shamed," Chloe said.

A feeling of remorse flooded Soi. These new feelings were unpleasant and she blamed them all on Toshiro. Before him it had been easy. All she had to cope with was anger, disdain and disappointment. Experience had made it easy to manage those feelings, but now it felt like there were too many responses that she didn't want to feel or make.

"It wasn't your fault, Captain. If you did not receive the order you could not execute it," Nana's quiet assurance didn't provide the comfort she obviously intended. "And if your trusted lieutenant did not present the order, you....."

"As his captain, I should have been aware of all his actions," Soi said harshly. Wishing to finish this session as quickly as possible, she rose to her feet. "Lieutenant Omaeda will not be returning here for a month. After that time he may be assigned other duties."

Taking heed of her dismissal, the women all stood and bowed deeply to Soi. "Thank you for seeing us, Captain," one of the women said. The rest chorused their thanks and she bowed slightly in response, lost in thought.

All this time she had been mistaken in her lieutenant. Now it was apparent she hadn't known the man, only accepted what he was prepared to present. He had proved to be a much better at strategy than she expected, but ultimately had permitted his arrogance to overrule his sense. In some aspects she had become aware of certain inconsistencies, but had ignored them, easily convinced that it had been his unconscious errors. Instead of this, he had been in far more control that she had ever expected. It was obvious to her that the man was dangerous, but convincing others of this would prove difficult. Confining him to the Maggot's Nest in the guise of conferring more authority was problematic, especially as it had to be done with his consent.

With reluctance and increasing concern she summoned Sano and once more read the letter. After asking the man to sit, she pointed out some further variations she required to the letter to more thoroughly disguise her intent. The revelation about the man's cunning made it probable he would be able to divine her true intention unless it was obscured even further. Sano seemed to adapt quickly to her new suggestions and made further ones which further muddied the meaning, while still appearing to be a complimentary offer of a minor promotion.

Once she was satisfied, Sano was instructed to have at least three of the other seated officers who were unaware of the plan, to read the letter. It was important to gauge the reactions of others. They were to be taken to a room and asked to read the letter and address their comments to Sano alone.

In a fit of curiosity, Soi stood near the door and listened to the reactions of those who were involved.

"Why is that fat bastard getting a promotion? Has Captain Fong lost it?" was the reaction of the first officer.

"No," Sano replied simply. "Do not mention this to anyone else."

The second officer's reaction was even stronger. "Should I become incompetent so I get promoted? That jerk only does the bare minimum. I'd pay more heed to some ham actor than him."

After the third officer threatened Sano with violence due to the perceived promotion of Omaeda, Soi was confident that her lieutenant would experience the required reaction. Now she could rid her Division of the man and run it to her satisfaction.

* * *

A.N.

Uh. Yeah. Thanks' to whoever nominated this story for the .moon (or ) UFO fan fiction awards. Of course it won't win, but the nomination was an unexpected and pleasant surprise.

Sentiment. I'm not good at it, except in fiction. And thanks to the reviewer who suggested Breaking Benjamin. Good music always helps.

Oh, yeah. Thanks for the reviews.

_Soundtrack_

'In Front of Me' Infected Mushroom

'Sour Times' Portishead

'Dare' Gorillaz

'Revenga' System of a Down

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	36. Friends of Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, mostly. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Friends of Friends**

Hanatoro only nodded in response to Toshiro's request. He didn't move or act. Not certain what to do next, Toshiro said, "I need a cure for my headache."

"What sort of headache is it?" Hanatoro appeared only slightly curious.

"It's a headache. My head aches, badly," Toshiro said. What more could he say?

Hanatoro smiled a little and said, "There are many types of headaches. Did someone hit you in the head, did you eat something that didn't agree with you? Did you sleep badly?"

His jaw tightening, Toshiro tried to be clear. "I did not sleep well and perhaps I drank some sake." That was as much as he was prepared to say.

Instead of any exclamation, the 4th Division officer simply nodded and then turned to the shelf behind him, pouring something into a glass. "Drink this and then plenty of water," he said as he handed the glass to Toshiro.

The drink had a slight fizz to the glowing orange colour and Toshiro drank it then gagged at the taste. Shutting his eyes he felt his head almost explode with a convulsive 'thump' and then most of the pain vanished. His vision cleared and he could reason without pain. The relief almost made him babble effusive thanks, but common sense prevailed and he simply nodded, pleased that he could do so without incurring more pain.

"How is Lieutenant Hinamori progressing?" he asked, trying to appear casual.

Hanatoro frowned and then said with some hesitation, "She had a new visitor today and after the visit her manner changed."

A new visitor? Why didn't the man just tell him instead of making him ask questions. "Who was it?"

"A member of 12th Division," Hanatoro replied, the small frown deepening as he spoke.

That seemed rather peculiar. Why would anyone from that Division wish to visit Momo? She had little to do with other Divisions while serving under Aizen as she had devoted nearly all her time exclusively to him and his desires. Why would someone from Kurotsuchi's Division suddenly take an interest in a woman recently recovered from a near fatal attack from her loved Captain?

There was something more to this. "Who was it?" Toshiro asked sharply.

"Akon," was the quiet reply.

The new information didn't help. Akon was a rather quiet and obedient person who didn't display much personality or independent thought.

"I'll go and visit Lieutenant Hinamori now," he said and then thanked Hanatoro. As he began to walk to Momo's room, he passed the linen room and before he could consider anything else, he turned the knob of the door and walked in.

Soi wasn't there. He hadn't expected her to suddenly appear in the room despite the fantasies fuelled by his imagination. Shutting the door, he leant against it, remembering the passionate encounters they had shared in this room. The feel of their bodies pressed against each other, the hissed words and pleasure. All in the past and the way the situation was between them, there was little chance of anything happening in the future. He had the experience and the memories but not the woman. The last few encounters they'd had complicated the situation further. The mixture of emotions he experienced each time he'd seen her almost made him long for the steady life he'd had before he became involved with Soi, but then he would have still worried about who would have guarded Momo while he was in the human world.

In the room he tried to face the situation honestly. The only thing he would change, if he had the opportunity, was he wouldn't ask the stupid question. Asking Soi if he should marry Momo was the beginning of the problems they now faced. All the bitterness had begun at that point and the relationship had soured quickly.

How was he supposed to understand 'the rules'. He'd never dated anyone. Momo had been his main focus and she'd treated him like a younger brother. Matsumoto was no help. She'd hated talking about love and romantic feelings. The only time she didn't mind talking about love was if it was love for a friend, but trying to get her to talk about Gin was one way to stop a conversation with little effort. For minutes afterward she would become quiet and refuse to look at him, her eyes seeking something she'd seen in the past which he could not share.

Even now, when she talked about her husband and her love for him, she was lost for words. For a woman who normally had plenty to say about everything and everyone, it struck him as slightly amusing that the thought of the 11th Division Captain robbed her of speech and the ability to communicate effectively. To have a person love you that much might be frightening, but he wished he could experience it. He wanted Soi to love him with that depth of emotion and he would return that love, with enthusiasm.

Thinking of that marriage and his comments he once more thought about matrimony. He didn't think Soi wanted to marry him, she barely liked him, but he wanted the whole thing: wedding, kids, forever. Forever would be a long time, but with Soi as his partner boredom would possibly never enter into his life again. Or to be exact with Matsumoto, Zaraki and Soi in his life, he might wish for times of boredom or a secure place to hide.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine a time when the Winter War was over. Zaraki might burst into his office and carry off Matsumoto whenever the urge took him. Then he thought about that. Whenever the urge took Zaraki. Would he manage to get his lieutenant to help out with any work? Would Matsumoto even turn up for work? Not that she helped much, but even the minor assistance she offered was better than none at all.

And then Soi. Assignations between meetings. Pinning her against the wall in a vacant room, or would she do the pinning? Waking every morning to feel her warm body against his and watch her open her eyes and scowl at him. Originally he thought she might smile, but the scowl would be more like her. He liked it when she scowled at him and when the frown creased her forehead, just before she removed his clothes. Those expressions were genuine and couldn't be faked. Most people never bothered to learn to fake anger or confusion.

The situation had been permitted to grow progressively worse and he was partly responsible. From now on, it would change. It might be a blow to his pride, but he resolved to apologise. Not in any form that would admit he'd done anything wrong, but in a manner that indicated he was prepared to forgive Soi. He'd watched Zaraki apologise without doing so. The man had a talent for implying he was sorry without committing himself to any words or actions that might make him appear to have acted in the wrong way. How did he manage it?

He groaned and leant his head against a shelf. Trying to copy Zaraki had about as much chance of success as any useful legislation being passed by a government filled with selfish and self seeking individuals.

The main problem was pride. Her pride, his pride. As a Captain it might be considered a sign of weakness to admit to any fault. As he thought about it he couldn't remember any time when one of them had admitted to a fault, except for Ichimaru commenting that he hadn't realised he'd failed to kill Ichigo and he hadn't meant it. The only Captain he'd heard apologise was Shunsui who apologised again and again to Nanao, often for trivial reasons. From his new comprehension of the situation, he knew it was because it was easier to apologise to the woman than to experience her extended displeasure. He was reasonably certain no one else would manage her as successfully, or would desire to try.

Raised voices attracted his attention. It sounded like Momo, but with her voice filled with rage, hate and sorrow. It made her sound like she was someone else. A crazed someone else.

Matsumoto was visiting Momo. What had happened that could possibly cause this reaction? Speedily he left the linen room and began to run toward her room, hearing the sounds of a struggle. He rounded the corner only to see Momo sticking a knife into Matsumoto and then attempting to stab her again with a knife in her other hand.

Without hesitation he grabbed Momo, having trouble believing this was happening. She struggled and heaved against him, trying to break his hold, stamping on his feet, trying to bring the back of her head in contact with his nose to break it. The few times they'd fought previously she had not shown this level of determination, skill or knowledge of fighting dirty.

"Let me kill her. The blade is poisoned and she will die, she will die," Momo was screaming hysterically.

While holding the struggling woman he quickly looked at Matsumoto who was staring at the knife she held in her hand, red staining the blade and blood seeping from the wound in her chest.

"Quick, Iemura, Hanatoro. Momo's stabbed Matsumoto," he yelled loudly. Hours seemed to pass before he heard the thud of running feet approaching.

His friend in his arms was fighting him, and almost managed to break free. Speedily he uttered a binding spell which seemed to have no effect. Matsumoto, his friend and lieutenant gave him one last despairing look clutching her hands to her chest before she collapsed to the floor as people flooded into the room, too late.

Hanatoro quickly jabbed a needle into Momo who subsided into unconsciousness in seconds while others clustered around Matsumoto, obscuring her from his sight. It wasn't possible to see what was happening, whether she was still breathing or had succumbed to this new and unexpected attack. Wanting to drop the woman he was holding so he could check on her victim, Toshiro forced himself to place her gently on the bed. She'd be fine. She'd survived up 'til now. There would always be some fool to look at the pretty, apparently guileless face and be convinced to protect her and believe the best in her. He was done with that.

By the time Momo was in place, Matsumoto had been removed from the room and he tried to follow. Again, so soon after she had been restored to life from near death, she was facing it once more. Her former lover and her friend had betrayed her. It was one way to kill trust, if that was the intention. Two people who had been regarded as close friends had been instrumental in attempts to kill her. If she died he didn't care what Zaraki did to him. He'd deserve it all.

He recalled Matsumoto's words the day before, when she had expressed an anger against Momo he had never guessed. Some of her comments returned to him and in view of this latest incident he was forced to agree with many of her observations.

As he attempted to open the door, a fourth Division member spoke to him hesitantly. "Captain, while I appreciate your concern, please remain here. Let those who are experienced in these matters work, uninterrupted." The deferential request contained a certain amount of pleading.

"Don't let her die," he said numbly. Once more he was excluded from the place and he could only wait and fear what would happen. The few days that had passed since his lieutenant was restored to health had passed too quickly and he was again faced with the prospect of losing her.

Rage burned through him. This was unjust. Momo had nearly died, stabbed by a man she trusted absolutely and now she was acting in the same manner, but through misdirected anger. Poisoned blades. How had she obtained any weapons in 4th Division? Why would she need them? It wasn't like Momo to carry any fighting implement except her zanpakuto and poisoned daggers seemed out of character. Where did she obtain them?

Suddenly, his mind took a mental leap and he remembered his earlier conversation with Hanatoro. Akon had visited Momo and then her attitude had changed. Had the man delivered the blades along with the poisoned words that turned Momo into a raging, incoherent virago intent on killing one of her best friends? Was that the solution? If so, what was the motivation?

It seemed strange. Matsumoto had that very strange dream earlier in the day and he was positive he'd seen something when they'd forced entry into the room; and now this attempt to kill her. Was there a link? But why would Akon do that? Toshiro couldn't think of any example of hostility from that man, only from his Captain who for all his earlier words seemed to bear a hatred of Toshiro's lieutenant.

The sinking feeling he experienced at this realisation made his shoulders tense. 12th Division again. The attacks were aimed purely at Matsumoto and throwing discredit on everyone near who seemed always to disappoint her by not preventing the attack, or failing to save her. He remembered the strange reaction Captain Kurotsuchi had to Zaraki's demand to marry his lieutenant. Was there an enmity there of which he was unaware?

He began to pace agitatedly through the hall. This was taking too long. It couldn't be another endless period of waiting. It was barely two days since she'd recovered from the injuries she'd received in Hueco Mundo and that experience, coupled with Momo's long period in 4th Division while he waited for her to regain consciousness, made him desire instant recovery. It might be silly, but it would make a pleasant change from all the conflicts these incidents had roused in him.

He noticed someone standing in front of him. Looking up he saw the worried face of Shunsui. "Is Ran okay?"

Shrugging he replied bitterly, "I don't know. Momo stabbed her with poisoned blades. I think Akon might have given them to her." If he shared his assumptions it was possible another person would see the flaws.

"Why would he do that? Why would Momo attack Ran? She loves Ran, or I thought she did." Shunsui seemed genuinely confused.

Toshiro hadn't had time to wonder. What could Akon have said to Momo that would make her attack her friend? Momo had been denying reality for all this time, but what could be said to her to force her to try to kill? She hated killing but did it as part of her duties as a Shinigami because she knew that the death of a Hollow would protect innocent lives.

"I don't know," Toshiro admitted. "it doesn't seem like her." Then he realised something else. "How did you find out? It didn't happen long ago."

"I think everyone knows," Shunsui said.

A feeling of dread began to claim Toshiro. If Shunsui knew, then it was likely that both Yumichika and Ikkaku would also be aware that Momo had attacked their Captain's wife. Zaraki had charged him and them with taking care of Matsumoto while he was absent and the day after he left she was stabbed and he was only a room away. This was bad. He didn't have the leisure to worry about Matsumoto. There were other matters that needed his attention.

Quickly he yelled at Shunsui, "We've got to protect Momo!" and raced toward her room. He was amazed to see Kira already standing there, looking depressed and grim with his sword drawn.

"One of us should be inside in case they decide to come through the roof," Shunsui said quickly.

It made sense. "I'll do it," Toshio agreed. Entering the room he quickly glanced around to find that as yet no intruders were present.

Shunsui stuck his head in and muttered, "I'm going to stand guard at Ran's room as Kira's here. She's in a weakened state and while they mean well, I don't think anyone in 4th Division will be able to protect her from an attack with weapons developed by 12th Division."

The situation was rapidly becoming unreal. One woman attacked another and now there were fears of assassinations. He wondered how 10th Division would react to the news of Ran's attack and then felt a completely unexpected stab of fear. 11th Division would leave the assassination of Momo to their superior offices, but they might use it as an excuse to exercise the rivalry they held with 12th Division. His Division might riot and he couldn't be there to stop them. Hell was rapidly setting up a base in the Seireitei.

He almost returned to try to stop his Division from rioting, but knew he would not expect Kira to be able to fend off the assaults from Yumichika and Ikkaku. Both men were formidable fighters and while neither usually interfered with a one on one fight, one might fight Kira while the other killed Momo. It was too problematic and he knew that Soi had removed her protection from Momo. That was only to be expected as their agreement was broken and she hated him. Did she hate him as much as she hated Momo? Should he expect the 2nd Division Captain to also arrive and try to kill the woman she claimed to find so annoying? It seemed very unlikely but with all the disasters in train, would one more be noticed?

While these thoughts chased each other through his mind his eyes were scanning the perimeter of the room, occasionally looking at the ceiling. He could hear Kira moving around outside and the murmur of hushed voices but little else. Would the two men try stealth? It wasn't like them and he'd never seen any sign of covert action when they'd fought the Arrancar in the human world. They'd rushed into fights as if worried that if they didn't get involved someone else might take the fight from them.

The white walls didn't move, but he heard a startled exclamation from Kira and then noticed a hole appear in the ceiling. He expected to see Ikkaku descending rapidly to take revenge but instead the elegant figure of Yumichika leapt into the room.

"Oh, you're here Captain Hitsugaya. It's a pity but I'll kill the traitorous female and then we can fight. You understand, I have to do this for the honour of my Captain and 11th Division." Yumichika raised one eyebrow in an amused fashion as he drew his zanpakuto in a determined manner. "I like Lieutenant Matsumoto and take this responsibility seriously."

"I can't let you do that," Toshiro said, keeping his voice firm. "Lieutenant Hinamori is under my protection."

"Then, Captain, I will either kill or disable you first," Yumichika said unmoved.

It seemed unreal. Only last night they had been drinking and complaining about women and love and now they were preparing to fight. How could events move so quickly from acting like friends to committing to kill each other.? Quickly he realised that he would only be able to use shika in the confined quarters as his bankai would destroy the room and possibly a large portion of 4th Division. Then he thought again. He was uncertain about the shika that Yumichika possessed and it was a small room. It might be too dangerous and one of them might accidentally, or on purpose, hurt Momo.

"Plain fighting. No special moves," he demanded, his voice strangely hoarse. If his opponent disagreed he might have to force the issue, but wasn't sure how that would work out.

Yumichika glanced around the room and slowly nodded. "It will be a pleasant change to fight a Captain," he said and smiled, but without humour. "Are you certain you're not worried about waking her?" Rudely, he jerked his finger in Momo's direction.

Waking Momo was a secondary concern. If he was attempting to save her life, he didn't care if she woke. The anger he was experiencing was partly directed at her, but he wasn't prepared to admit to it. The low level of irritation he regularly felt in her presence was increased by recent events and her blind devotion to a man who had tried to kill her. How could she persist in her delusions with all the evidence?

How could he? His delusions about Momo were now shattered and he would never regard her with the same simple idealism he had developed while they were children. She'd irritated him even then, but it had been easy to overlook many of the flaws that were now obvious because he didn't know the man she idolised. That had changed once he'd joined the Seireitei. He too had been impressed by Aizen when he'd met him originally and had gained some understanding of Momo's obsession, but as time passed the enchantment had diminished. Partly due to his friend's inability to gain some perspective but also partly because of Matsumoto's increasingly strange reactions when she was in any kind of proximity to the man. At the time he had only noticed it subconsciously and had wondered occasionally why his respect for his fellow captain faltered after each encounter. Hindsight explained so much, but all the same, Momo was now privy to the same information he possessed. Why did her infatuation remain so strong?

Why was he thinking this when he was preparing to fight? He had not chosen this fight, but it almost seemed inevitable. Some long ago event had triggered a string of additional events which meant he was facing a potential friend to defend a long term friend over an attempt to kill a friend who was as close as a sister. Friends fighting friends. Kira was probably fighting Ikkaku, one of his friends. These battles should never have commenced. All they would do was promote further hate and insecurity.

"I don't want to fight you," Toshiro suddenly said.

"If you let me execute the woman we won't need to fight," Yumichika explained reasonably.

Shaking his head he responded, "Hasn't there been enough death? Why are we fighting each other when war threatens so soon?"

Yumichika leant on his blade, looking down at Toshiro with consideration. "Captain Zaraki loves his wife. She almost died once before and his reason was severely threatened. Under my watch she was attacked again, by a supposed friend: Aizen's discarded mistress."

All this was true and he nodded but then said, "Aizen tried to kill both Momo and Matsumoto. There must be a reason that he desires their deaths. I wonder..." then pulled himself up before he could say anything further.

Who would be able to believe that 12th Division's Captain was in contact with the traitors who had directed this drama? That Momo was Aizen's tool to kill a woman who posed some unknown threat, and then he anticipated that she too would die from an act of revenge. Some quick and cruel words from a 12th Division officer set the course and two women were meant to die. Two women that Aizen had already tried to kill and failed.

"Are you hinting at something? Why not say it? If we're going to fight we may as well know what we're fighting about."

"Does anyone know the reason they fight?" Toshiro was astonished to find he was asking this question.

"It doesn't matter the reason," for some reason Yumichika sounded bored. "Fighting is not about philosophy."

Of all the answers that might have been uttered by Yumichika, he had not expected this one. Everyone fought for a reason. It didn't have to be an important reason. Though most of the people he'd encountered until now prided themselves on their reasons for entering into combat. Until now he would have sworn that this man had formulated many reasons why he fought, but this flat denial seemed wrong.

"I once had a reason and then someone changed my mind and I had a more compelling reason to fight. That's gone now and revenge seems the only possible motive to fight." His face was as grim as his voice and Toshiro wondered what had passed between the man and Rukia to make him sound so fatalistic.

Maybe a few kisses, surely nothing more. It would be unlike Rukia to become engaged to Renji if she was is a serious relationship with anyone else. Not that he knew her very well and he might misunderstand the situation completely, but she didn't seem the type of person who would act in that manner. Then again, who had been behaving in their normal manner for some time? Even he could barely recognise the person he had become but then he didn't want to return to that uninformed person who had loved Momo so foolishly.

"I refuse to fight you," was the next thing Toshiro said. He briefly uttered a kido under his breath hoping that the man would not see his lips moving. This might not be the fairest way to overcome this situation, but it might prove to be the fastest. The spell was completed and the effect, immediate.

Yumichika was caught, unsuspecting that a Captain would use subtlety instead of brute force. He pulled against the bonds and glared heatedly at the head of the 10th Division. "The use of kido is not permitted by my Captain," he hissed angrily.

Shrugging, Toshiro said, "I don't want to kill you, even if you want to die." That possibility had presented itself to him very clearly. Losing a trained and inventive fighter at this time was not an option, despite the fact he had come to like this man. "You have to live so you can protect Matsumoto when I'm busy."

Yumichika raised one eyebrow with a sarcastic tilt. "As I did so well earlier?"

While it was partly true that both of them had proved to be , there were so many factors at play which had caused this set of events to occur that Toshiro laughed bitterly. "If Matsumoto dies, and Zaraki finds out, there is no place we can hide. You can die then."

A lowering of the eyelids acknowledged Toshiro's comment, but a small, triumphant smile crossed his lips. "I might be caught, but do you think you will be able to catch Ikkaku so easily?"

Now that he felt relatively assured of Momo's safety he noticed the sounds of struggle that were clearly coming from outside the room, somewhere. Kira and Ikkaku, long term, if not friends, at least comrades, were fighting and he could hear the clash of steel against steel.

"Do you dare go and help? I'll struggle, this kido will fade and if you're not here to protect the little murderer, she will die." Yumichika brightened considerably at this idea.

He was torn. If he didn't help Kira, Ikkaku might defeat him. To be honest, he thought the competition uneven. Ikkaku was a more skilled fighter, but Kira had some talents that his opponent did not possess. If he left the room and Yumichika freed himself, Momo would die. If Ikkaku defeated Kira and entered the room and Yumichika was free, Momo would die. He glanced from Momo back to Yumichika who was staring at the girl with his mouth twisted at one side.

He had only seen one other person look at his friend like that. Soi had worn that expression of disdain when she had looked at Momo, as if she was observing an inferior specimen.

Instead of being universally admired, as he had thought, it was now clear his friend was less than popular. He swallowed, feeling the bitterness of recognition slide down his throat as it filtered through his being. Was it possible that many people hadn't liked Aizen before he was proven to be a traitor? The world was now rotating on a different axis and he was still trying to learn the rules.

"Fight me. Kill me so honour is satisfied. Some of my actions may be questionable, but let me die a warrior's death." Yumichika was not pleading, but the tone of his voice indicated a strong request.

What should he do? Now he had the upper hand but fighting Yumichika might not be the best solution. Yet, to defeat him as he did, was that fair? Did fairness count? He was trying to protect Momo?

"Ran would fight me."

She would. She'd rush into the battle without considering the consequences and he'd have to save her, again. Then she would widen her eyes at him when he scolded her, pretending she had done nothing wrong and as he finally spluttered to a standstill she would ruffle his hair, smile and make some joke.

He wished she would.

Until now he had suppressed the anger he'd felt when Matsumoto had once more been attacked and was near death. He'd restrained Momo rather than kill her swiftly, but his fury at her remained. An ache was developing between his shoulder blades from the background tension of the unacknowledged emotion and maybe Yumichika offered a chance to exercise his muscles. The man could fight, he knew that, and until now he had not had much chance to observe him closely. He'd fought his Captain and that has proved very interesting, but each person had some skill or style which, if he learnt it, could only enhance his own.

"Okay," he exhaled slowly.

Yumichika tensed suddenly and then obviously forced his shoulders to relax. "Okay?"

"We'll go to the roof and fight. No shika, no bankai, just straight fighting. Neither of us can release our zanpakuto's," he spelled out the conditions carefully.

A slow, considering nod greeted his offer. "Straight fighting. I agree."

"If I win, you will not try to kill Lieutenant Hinamori," Toshiro thought he should make it very clear.

The man lowered his eyes as did not speak for a few minutes. "Captain Zaraki would insist that the woman dies, no matter what bargains are made, if his wife dies."

The reminder made his throat tighten. Opening his mouth he tried to speak and could feel that his voice would break if he spoke. He coughed and tried again. This time his voice came out higher than he wished. "She won't die. Matsumoto won't die." It sounded almost as if he was voicing a wish rather than stating a fact. He hated that. It sounded weak when he wanted to appear strong and decisive.

He wished Matsumoto were there to annoy him. There was something about the way she acted that while it irritated him beyond belief, it also made him feel assured that one person would listen to him, even if she totally ignored what he said.

A small sound drew his attention back to Yumichika. "Excuse me, Captain. Are we going to fight, or does the wall at which you are staring hold secrets of which I am unaware?"

In spite of his strict control, his mouth curled slightly at the sides from the sarcastic comment. "All walls hold secrets." He tried to appear disinterested.

"Do they?" Was that confusion he heard in the man's voice?

"If I release you, will you go directly to the roof?" Toshiro said swiftly, trying to change the subject. "No attempting to kill the lieutenant on the way?"

The small smile that greeted this question was both sad and resigned, but then firmed into almost genuine pleasure. "I don't often have the opportunity to fight any Captain other than my own. Why would I waste it to kill some girl who will soon die anyway?"

Toshiro was curious about the assurance but decided not to follow it through. The sooner he defeated Yumichika, then he could find out how his lieutenant was faring. He released Yumichika who bowed slightly and then left the room through the hole he'd already made.

After a quick reassuring glance at Momo, he followed, drawing his zanpakuto on the way. Knowing that 11th Division would use any technique that gave them advantage, he wanted to be prepared. As he came through the roof, he saw Ikkaku and Kira, their blades locked. Ikkaku was smiling, while Kira looked as dour as ever, but determined.

The 11th Division 3rd seat darted a quick warning glance at Toshiro and Yumichika. "Don't interfere. This is my fight and I want to finish without interruption."

"We've got our own fight and why do you need to remind me?" Yumichika sounded short, as if he was offended at being reminded . "Have I ever become involved in one of your fights?"

Ikkaku gave out a hard laugh. "No. But there's always a first time. I didn't think this guy had the balls to face me in a fight," he said nodding toward Kira.

"You didn't give me the right motivation before," his opponent flexed his shoulders and pushed back.

Ikkaku laughed again. "The man needs motivation. Why did you even leave 4th Division if you don't want to fight at any opportunity?"

"As you've told me many times, I don't know how to have fun," Kira said dryly.

Apparently ignoring the comment, Ikkaku continued, "First you fight Hinamori, to protect Ichimaru and now you protect the same woman you fought and who tried to kill Ran, who happens to be your friend as well. Next you'll be fighting Ran to protect me."

"If Ran survives," the words caught in Kira's throat and he coughed.

"You're still talking?" Ikkaku pushed Kira back and lunged at him in one move. A quick spin to the left meant that only the man's sleeve was pierced by the stroke meant for his heart.

Despite his inclination to watch the progress of that fight, Toshiro turned his attention to Yumichika. "Does it annoy you when people constantly remind you not to do something you've never done?"

The 5th seat made a small moue. "You get used to it, or so I've heard. I haven't yet."

Nodding Toshiro replied, "I don't think you do. I pretend I have."

He thought back to some of the times Matsumoto teased him and made jokes about him forgetting to do the paperwork, or leaving it all for her to do. She hardly lifted a brush most of the time, but he didn't care. Feeling a sharp jab in his chest near where he thought his heart resided, he recalled that once more his friend might die. He didn't want to go through this again. Fighting Yumichika might distract him, as fighting his captain had given him something immediate on which to concentrate.

Even as he thought this, he, like Kira was forced to move out of the path of his opponents blade. This man was much lighter and shorter than Zaraki and would play to his strengths. Like the man, the fighting style might be more subtle and his words might be more lethal and off putting than the general slagging he had received from Zaraki.

"Will this be a boring fight?" Yumichika asked.

"Only if you make it so," Toshiro said and then turned his blade sideways as he hacked at the steel rushing toward his ear. Placing enough force behind the riposte separated their blades and he stepped back and bounced lightly on the balls of his feet.

"Will I too be a recipient of your athletic moves?" The small arch of the eyebrow and tiny grin on his opponents face made him almost smile back.

The man had watched him fight Zaraki and the Hollows and possibly used the opportunity to assess his strengths. "I change my strategy, depending on my adversary," Toshiro assured him. If it was not possible to use shikai or bankai, adjustments would be necessary.

He turned and ran in the other direction to hear a startled cry and the sounds of running feet following him. "I never expected to see a Captain run from battle," Yumichika called loudly.

Hearing the man approach, Toshiro stopped abruptly and launched his body backwards until he was behind Yumichika. He had tried a similar tactic with Zaraki, and Yumichika must have remembered as he turned quickly, but not fast enough to prevent a small wound from forming in his shoulder from the tip of Toshiro's blade.

"We're further from the others and can have a bit more space," Toshiro said innocently, as if that was the only explanation for his move.

Yumichika nodded. "A young, attractive and clever opponent is better than a dull, ugly one."

At the word attractive, Toshiro felt the colour flood his face. If the man called him pretty, then he wouldn't hold back. It was bad enough being young, but to be told you were both young and pretty was insulting. The smug look on Yumichika's face alerted him to the trick. The man was trying to find a weakness, and his obvious discomfort was proof that the man had succeeded. He quickly adopted a defensive stance ready for the next attack.

"Akon is captured and will face trial." The strong, but breathless voice of Shunsui echoed through the air. "He tried to gain entry to Ran's room, but I captured him. 1st Division Shinigami are on their way here. You may as well stop fighting. It's over."

"Why spoil a good fight for a bad reason?" Ikkaku's voice was steadier than that of the Captain, but not much.

"Why let someone else make your fights for you?" Shunsui asked.

Toshiro turned to Shunsui. What was the man saying? Both Ikkaku and Yumichika were open mouthed.

"What do you mean?" Yumichika found his voice first.

"12th Division," Shunsui said blandly.

Toshiro found he was nodding as his brain processed the idea that his theories might be confirmed by those two simple words. At least he hadn't imagined the string of coincidences.

An ugly red colour rose in both the faces of the men from 11th Division. "Are you saying the attempt on the Captain's wife is due to 12th Division?" Ikkaku demanded.

Toshiro could understand what the man was feeling. At first it seemed clear who was at fault, but this changed the situation completely. Shunsui seemed convinced that there was a force behind this that was shaping events. To stop the inevitable fall into chaos, it was important that these were identified so they could be known. A known enemy was easier to guard against than an invisible foe.

"Prove it," was Ikkaku's demand.

"The poison is one developed within 12th Division," Hanatoro said.

Toshiro had not seen him arrive and felt a shock at hearing his voice. This confirmation of the origin of the poison made him wonder why that fact hadn't been concealed.

"Only members of 12th Division have access to the poison and of 12th Division, only the highest seated officers are permitted to use it." The more facts disclosed made him question why it was so easy to trace the poison back to its source.

"We're frigging dupes? You mean we're working for the freakshow?" Ikkaku sounded both incredulous and offended.

Yumichika shook his head in denial. "I'm not working for them. Never."

Toshiro took a deep breath and said, hoping his voice would remain steady, "If you keep trying to kill Momo, then you are working for them."

He'd never seen shoulders sag in unison before. "We'll stop trying to kill the idiot if she stops trying to kill Lieutenant Matsumoto. If she tries, we'll kill her and then we're coming for you, Captain Hitsugaya. Nothing personal." Ikkaku's voice was heavy.

A loud clattering of sandals on floor boards announced the arrival of the 1st Division members. Before any further words could be exchanged the 11th Division members were taken into custody and the hallway rapidly emptied.

"This is bad," Shunsui remarked.

Toshiro nodded. What would happen next?

* * *

A.N.

'Slagging' : to insult or discredit a person to whom you are speaking. If there is more than one participant it may be titled a 'Slagging match'. Not to be confused with the defamatory term 'Slag' to describe a female who is too free with her favours.

_Soundtrack_

'Girlfriend in a Coma' The Smiths

'Love and Pain' Lucifer

'Three Evils (Embodied in Love and Shadow)' Coheed and Cumbria

'Simple Design' Breaking Benjamin.

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	37. Divided Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Divided Friends**

Running at top speed, he directed his feet toward his Division. Shunsui had agreed to stand guard over Momo and has enlisted Nanao to watch over Matsumoto.

His skin felt tight and his neck rigid as he moved, anticipating the worst when he arrived. Before he'd left Fourth Division he'd asked Kira to go and attempt to stabilise 11th Division and he'd heard Shunsui talking to Captain Kuchiki and Soi requesting they assist with the situation. Even hearing her name caused him to feel but ignore the leap he felt in his heart.

"I'll increase the surveillance on Lieutenant Matsumoto," Soi said steadily. She was in another room and he didn't dare to look or see her. "Obviously someone made a mistake when they decided she was safe even with her Captain in a few feet." The derision in her tone made him flinch and the anger and tainted emotions were in his mind, making him run even faster as if trying to escape that particular memory.

If she knew how much he hated this, would she despise him even more? All his attempts at trying to protect Matsumoto only proved how little he could do. Unexpected abductions, friends turning into enemies, strange shadowy figures in darkened rooms. The Seireitei was no longer a safe place and he let his mind examine alternatives. The Human world might answer, but who could she stay with? Orihime was in Hueco Mundo as was Ichigo, Chad and the Quincy. He was reluctant to leave her with Urahara and Yoruichi, but perhaps given the circumstances that was where she would be safest. Both were strong fighters with excellent and varied skills and in addition Tessai and the two strange children added to the strength.

The biggest obstacle would be convincing the woman to accept his instructions. She'd pout, or giggle and ruffle his hair, or hug him. He wished she was hugging him now. Then he'd know she was safe and healthy, not under threat of death yet again. Dragging his mind back to Matsumoto's reactions, he was certain she'd make a counter offer. While she appeared to have a budding friendship with both Urahara and Yoruichi, he had his own reservations about the man. His morals were occasionally questionable, and some of his past actions were not something he'd want to examine too closely.

In the back of his mind was the knowledge that if he tried to convince her of the wisdom of the choice she might become mulish and stubborn. She'd argue. She might even cry which she knew confused him. After years of watching Momo cry he still couldn't ignore the feeling he was in some way responsible for the tears and Matsumoto's tears affected him nearly as badly. No matter how he tried to get her to accept his advice there was the possibility she'd baulk and demand that she be permitted to join her husband.

That would be a bad idea.

12th Division would immediately notify their captain, and he had a sneaking suspicion that the information would be passed on to other interested parties. Even if Akon was confined, there might be others who were assisting him. It was too dangerous unless there was a way to use the portal without anyone being alerted. Considering the disarray currently in the Seireitei he wondered if 2nd Division were continuing their surveillance. If he could reconcile with Soi...

His consideration of the problems abruptly ceased as he stood outside and stared at the Shinigami guarding the entrance and exit of his Division. They looked grim and when they noticed him, slightly apologetic.

"Go in immediately, Captain Hitsugaya. Please," the one on the left urged him.

"Yeah. The place is a fucking shambles. Stupid, bloody woman causing all this. Don't think much of your friend, Hinamori," the one on the right said and then looked slightly apologetic.

Ignoring the insult Toshiro checked to see his uniform was properly arranged, ran his hands through his hair and after squaring his shoulders, walked into his Division. Grabbing the first person he saw, he demanded, "Stop what you're doing and pass the word. I want to talk to everyone , now! Have them assemble in the usual place."

The woman whose arm he'd captured looked at him for a moment, nodded and ran off. He did this to a number of people and assured that the message would be passed quickly, made his way to the large training ground.

Standing in the middle, he waited as he saw his people file in. All of them wore expressions that indicated a dangerous mood. If he didn't choose his words carefully and provide them with the right amount of encouragement and assurance they might not listen. At the same time he had to give a firm warning. Now was a bad time to have any of these unstable emotions surfacing and making the already volatile situation explode into more violence. All this time he hadn't recognised how much he'd relied upon having his lieutenant by his side, providing support simply by her presence. His whole time in 10th Division had been with Matsumoto providing encouragement, annoyance and an over-abundance of physical affection. She smoothed the way in times like this, soothing those most noticeably upset and identifying some of those likely to cause problems. This time he'd have to face his people without her help and her ability to help him soften his words and convey the message. Now he didn't have a choice.

Waiting for people to quiet, he found he was glaring at some of them, willing them to shut up and pay attention to him and stop their jabbering, worthless gossip. He had better things to do than wait for them to clear up any exchange of boring personal details. Once or twice he almost opened his mouth to demand quiet, but instead firmly kept his lips together. To ask for quiet might be seen as a sign of weakness, and he wasn't going to appear weak or in any way less than his normal self. None of these people were permitted to guess at his feelings of confusion and isolation.

After some minutes and numerous stern looks, the noise began to abate. With set expressions, his subordinates regarded him, some seeming to be unhappy to stare at the face of their captain. Did they think he was pleased about this latest development? Ever since that fateful day he sent Matsumoto to ask Zaraki a simple question, his life had been unpredictable and often not agreeable. He'd faced many daunting events, almost lost his lieutenant more than once and drank far too much sake. It was true he'd come closer to some of his acquaintances, but after a disastrous near forced marriage and the regular fights with Soi he felt drained. Did his Division think he enjoyed living through the whole mess?

Finally satisfied that his voice would be heard he then tried to formulate the words he needed to speak. "Lieutenant Matsumoto is recovering."

The words were barely out of his mouth when his Division erupted into cheers. Allowing the excess of relief to die away he again waited.

"Lieutenant Hinamori is also alive."

As soon as he said it and noticed the reaction, he cursed. None of those present would care if his friend recovered, in fact most of them might wish her dead. The news was met with dark mutters and a few angry looks were thrown his way. It took a great effort to remain cool and not permit the flush of anger to rise to his cheeks, or spark his eyes. Quickly trying to cover his mistake he spoke steadily and slowly. "This Division, 11th Division and 12th Division are now under lockdown. If you had retained your common sense this wouldn't have happened."

An outcry, mild though it was, impressed on him that he had perhaps made an error in that last statement. Gradually he began to comprehend that he was not the only person who was adversely affected by the near death of Matsumoto. Subconsciously he'd known it. Zaraki, Shunsui, Yumichika, Captain Unohana, Ikkaku had all shown how upset they were at her pain and injuries. He recalled the desperation with which many people had worked in order for Zaraki to take his small force to Hueco Mundo and save Matsumoto, but mainly he'd been focused on how he felt. Even then the comfort he'd provided to his Division was desultory.

These faces that watched him so closely were those of Shinigami who knew, maybe even cared deeply for Matsumoto. When he wasn't available, or interested, she provided the guidance and instruction to these people. The recent events would only have served to make Momo less popular within nearly every Division and possibly made his own feel threatened from the perilous experiences. To nearly lose someone once was a hated experience, but to be faced with the same possibility within a few days might confuse people and cause them to make mistakes. It was only to be expected as problems accompanied times when uncertainty was the prevalent situation.

Another tactic might be necessary and he caught on that thought. He was talking to people, not entering a war, but if he did not choose his words carefully there seemed little doubt there would be a battle ahead. This time he would provide reassurance.

"We have apprehended the possible culprits and a senior officer is standing guard over Lieutenant Matsumoto to protect her." A few expressions lightened. Realising it made it seem there was still the threat of another attack, he added, "The guard is there by my request, yet there is no reason to believe there will be any further attempts on our Lieutenant's life. I've been assured she will recover and is receiving the best medical attention."

More faces lost their sullen, angry looks.

"When she recovers, I'm sure she will return."

Many heads nodded, but he was reminded once more, how unsafe the Seireitei could be. There had been two attempts on Matsumoto's life, directly or indirectly when she was here. Was it wise for her to remain?

" If we were not under lockdown we could have assisted in protecting our lieutenant." He'd provided the comfort, now it was time to reprimand.

A number of grumbles were heard, but many of them seemed to have trouble meeting his eyes. He had been shocked to hear that his Division had shown a lack of sense in this situation, but found it hard to condemn them too much. He'd made similar mistakes and did not need anyone to point out those errors. At the same time, his people needed to be reminded that he was their Captain and expected them to be able to act appropriately at all times. They were not children. Each of them had undertaken study at the Shinigami Academy and were aware of the proper protocols.

This was not a normal situation and none of the training they'd had until now would have prepared them for the sequence of events. Everyone was on edge because of the abductions and the coming Winter War against an untested and mostly unknown and apparently stronger adversary. The invasion of the Arrancar into Soul Society may have been primarily to abduct Matsumoto, yet at the same time it sent a strong message concerning the security and safety of their world. Everything they'd believed, everything they'd hoped was now open to question.

"Why was our lieutenant attacked by her friend? And why isn't the so called friend dead?"

One voice asked the question, but others repeated it. Almost a chorus rose asking why Momo had attacked Matsumoto.

The main problem was how could he answer that? Both Momo and Matsumoto were in no condition to answer questions, as one was fighting for her life and the other sedated. He'd have to find out but his subordinates needed an answer.

Honesty. He'd tell them the truth. This was no time for empty reassurance or convincing lies. "I don't know why our lieutenant was attacked." It seemed wise not to mention Momo's name again considering how it had been received previously. "Until the people involved are fit for questioning, we can only guess the reasons."

"Is it true that 11th Division tried to kill Hinamori?"

Another voice, different to the first and he didn't bother trying to check who had asked the question. The tone indicated avid interest and reminded Toshiro how rumours spread quickly and the best way to quell them was providing information quickly, rather than letting fantasy embroider on the few, bare realities. The use of Momo's surname indicated how the person who asked the question despised her, but admired anyone who had attempted to kill her. Now the decision to put his Division under lockdown seemed wise, as there may have been more attempts on his friend's life. Handling this situation was requiring more patience and control than he'd anticipated.

"An attempt was made on Lieutenant Hinamori's life by two senior officers of 11th Division. They have been captured and are currently confined."

Many people began talking to each other after this announcement. Some seemed to be pleased that the attempt had been made, others indignant that Ikkaku and Yumichika were being punished for trying to kill Matsumoto's assailant. Not everyone agreed and a few sharp words began to be exchanged.

"Stop it," Toshiro ordered. "We're already under lockdown. Don't make it worse."

His sharp words stunned his Division who looked at him questioningly.

"Do you think Lieutenant Matsumoto wants us to fight amongst ourselves over something that happened to her?"

Guilt showed on some faces and a few other shrugged as if pretending they didn't care.

"We've got to prove we can be trusted so lockdown will be lifted. We have to be free to protect our friends and comrades. "

Many of the Shinigami were nodding in agreement, but there were still a number of people who appeared dissatisfied with his explanation. There were trouble makers in every Division and usually they were kept strictly under control. He sighed briefly as he considered what he could do. Any of the solutions he formulated required time and right now he had other priorities. Later, when he knew what had caused Momo's breakdown and when Matsumoto was restored to them, he'd take stricter measures.

Dismissing his Division, he sought out his fourth seat. She was a sensible woman and close to his second in command. "Mai, I want to guard Matsumoto. Can you keep an eye on the troublemakers? Make sure they're busy. "

The woman gave him a sweet and sunny smile. "It's impossible to stop them talking. I will do my best but bring Ran back as soon as possible. When we see her, many of the lies will be shown to be false, and I miss her."

Once again Toshiro recalled one of the reasons this woman was close to his lieutenant. Before he left he spoke briefly to his third seat giving instructions on how to manage the privations of lockdown and explaining that he would return as soon as possible. While he knew it was his duty to stay with his Division, especially given the circumstances, it was imperative that both Momo and Matsumoto were guarded and he feared something might happen to them during his brief visit to 10th Division.

"Do you have to go to 4th Division, Captain Hitsugaya? We've had some problems..." the man's voice trailed off and he swallowed hard.

Even though he was a good officer, his third seat, Tamaki, was not a leader. He was content to follow orders which he did impeccably, but he lacked confidence and had trouble making decisions. When he was placed in the position of choosing between more than two options he never made the mistake of asking Toshiro what he thought would be the better choice, but he'd overheard conversations between Matsumoto and the man as she tried to force him to make the decision without her input.

"You're a senior officer in this Division. While we on the mission to the human world you were in charge and I did not appreciate all the decisions I had to make when I returned. Don't disappoint me again." He kept his voice firm but pleasant, even though he wished he could rant at the man. There was little point. He wanted to return to 4th Division and the backlash that would accompany any of the rebukes he wished to utter might make it difficult.

The man nodded, his eyes lowered and his attitude bordered on nervous terror. At least this was one 'so called' adult who took him seriously, but it didn't make Toshiro feel any better.

"If it's important, leave it 'til I get back," he said grudgingly.

The man nodded enthusiastically and Toshiro wondered if he'd made yet another mistake. Softening his instructions might result in no decisions being made, but there wasn't time to think about it now. Later, once the Seireitei had returned to some kind of regularity he would address the problem then.

Aware he was delaying the issue he bid farewell and began to walk back to 4th Division, turning things over in his mind.

Increasingly, since returning from the human world... He stopped, recognising the lie. It had started before then. As soon as he entered into the contract with Soi, it had begun then, or his need to address problems immediately had begun to wane. If he'd tried to force any issues with Soi, he'd felt there was little possibility of winning. Instead the situation has grown. The few attempts he'd made to assert his authority with Soi had made him feel weaker and it had slipped into the way he ran his Division. Instead of addressing problems immediately, for example those he had with his 3rd seat, he'd waited, deciding the time was not right, he was too busy. The man might develop the ability by watching his example. Matsumoto might eventually lose patience and provide an effective threat.

Before Soi, before he permitted another person to have this type of influence on his life, this situation was not only unlikely, but impossible. Unlike the old men who ran the Seireitei, he'd prided himself on moving on issues immediately. If a person wasn't doing as he or she was told, then that Shinigami was reminded of the neglected duties, forcefully.

At first he'd felt trapped by their agreement, and as time passed he'd pretended he wished it would end, all the time hiding his fear that each meeting would be the last. He waited for the words telling him that he'd fulfilled her needs and she needed him no longer.

Or even worse. Some days he expected a letter, a group of words telling him that it was over. Curt phrases, carefully emotionless, containing a small but ineffective germ of thanks, but ultimately surrounding a dismissal. Every time a new batch of papers were delivered, or paperwork arrived, he quickly shuffled through the papers, occasionally freezing when he saw her calligraphy. Then he'd place everything aside and read the words carefully, to only be reminded of duty and obligation. The feared missive never arrived.

After his return and the disastrous statement, it had only become worse.

Their bodies met and combined, finding release and pleasure, but after each act she withdrew from him. For brief seconds he might sense her emotions, but as soon as she regained control a shutter slid down, concealing the vivid glimpse which only made him question if he was deluding himself, all the while pretending none of this was happening.

Shutting his eyes tightly against the lies, he felt a burn in his throat. The continual lies he'd told himself and how he'd fabricated so many things in his life to excuse or work around his fear of accepting the truth.

He'd lied to Soi, Matsumoto, Momo, Zaraki... He didn't want to continue the list. Lying to himself; most people lied to themselves. Created stories about their lives to make their actions more bearable; to excuse a few inexcusable acts by framing them differently, creating a context where the act seemed almost justifiable. Rewriting his personal history to permit him to continue the lies and delusion, because it was necessary to survive somehow in the world and living in reality didn't desensitise him to the real events, only made it harder to bear. Time healed no wounds. Rewriting the past and making it palatable was what most people meant, for all they might deny it. Creating a fog where truth was carefully hidden by lies and interpretations that coloured the events, carefully masking the harsh and jagged edges, smoothing over the razored realisations and paving carefully over the open fissures that could lead to the dark side of the soul.

At last he noted where he was. Leaving 10th Division his path was set for 4th Division, but now he found he had strayed and was standing outside the room where most of their assignations had taken place. His hand was already opening the door and without considering it any further, he entered the room. There was paper and brushes within and instead of focusing on receiving a letter he was now writing one. Writing a letter to Soi to try to make her see sense and dispense with some of the careful lies she'd created and he'd accepted. And the lies he'd also spun. Neither was without guilt, but by acknowledging the guilt, could he free them of the lies and smooth a path between them?

Locating the ink stone, he dripped some water onto is and carefully prepared his ink. All the time he did so, half formed phrases swooped through his mind, some containing impassioned pleas, others coldly reminding her of... there the idea hung. What could he remind her of? The great sex? The way she'd used him? He wanted her to use him again, every day, or more often.

Wrenching his eyes away from the bed where he was picturing her lying naked in his arms, he looked at the paper and noticed his hand had already written a few words.

"Soi, I love you. Marry me."

A flush rose in his face and his eyes grew cold as he picked up the page and shredded it. As he tore the paper once more he laughed.

No more lies. He'd planned the letter he'd write to Soi would contain no lies and the letter he was ripping assiduously apart contained only the truth, but even now the truth was unacceptable. She would laugh at him and dismiss the letter. There must be a way to entice her to read the letter. Some words he could use to gain her attention and then understand the words he wasn't saying. He wanted to tell her that he loved her without writing the words. Was it possible to make her understand how he felt without sacrificing his pride or slighting hers?

He began:

'Captain Soi Fong'

and then looked at the words. Not very romantic, but he didn't wish to slight her by denying her title. He added:

'Captain of the 2nd Division and Commander of the Stealth Forces.'

Now it was beginning to look laboured.

This page was merely screwed into a ball and thrown onto the floor.

He found he was sucking on the handle of the brush, like a child. Feeling guilty he removed the brush from his mouth and slyly glanced around the room to make certain no one had noticed his relapse. As the room had been empty when he arrived and it still was he continued to question why he worried so much. If his mouth had touched the handle of the brush, what did it matter? It wasn't his thumb. He'd seen Matsumoto suck her thumb, a sake bottle, a writing brush when she was thinking. It was perfectly normal. The one time he'd mentioned she appeared to be sucking her thumb, she'd frowned and explained she had in fact been chewing her thumb nail. He'd nodded unconvinced. She had looked remarkably innocent at the moment and he wished he hadn't mentioned it.

"Soi"

The single word jumped off the page. Should he add an endearment? No, that would alert her to the intention of the letter. If it was abrupt and curt at the beginning, she might read it to see if he was offering her an insult.

"You are the only Captain I trust to exercise good judgement in these difficult circumstances."

That might appeal to her pride. It wasn't flattery if it was true and he did trust her judgement, in anything that did not include him, Momo or the situation they were currently in. He slightly trusted Captain Unohana, but she wasn't here. All the other Captains seemed consumed by private concerns and doubtful motivations. At least Soi still considered the needs of her Division and the Gotei 13, and how all these events might affect the outcome of the Winter War, at least he believed so.

Maybe he was reading good and noble intentions where there were none because of his feelings for her. For all he knew, Matsumoto might consider Zaraki to be driven by honourable desires which seemed unlikely, but her feelings could blind her to the truth. Remembering the look on her face each time she gazed at her husband; the way her eyes changed, growing softer and slightly unfocused when she spoke of him or thought of him, he was certain her views on the Captain were dominated by her love for him.

Once more he marvelled at how quickly and deeply those two people had fallen in love. He'd never suspected Zaraki to fall prey to such an emotion and Matsumoto's appearance and actions hid a fear he hadn't guessed.

His mind was wandering and he felt a tug toward 4th Division. The letter could wait until this particular crisis was over. Rolling up the paper carefully he placed it in his sleeve, unwilling to leave the few short sentences behind. They may not be a whole letter, but they were a beginning. Sometimes the beginning was the most important part of any venture as it promised a conclusion.

* * *

A.N.

Thanks to those people who took the time to reivew.

Soundtrack

'Angels Fall First' Nightwish

'Always Something There to Remind Me' Burt Bacharach (but I prefer the version from Xena, Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire as it's slightly amusing).

'Liar, You Lie' Yuki Kajiura from the Soundtrack to 'Noir'.

'No Place to Run' Gym Class Heroes

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	38. Faulty Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Faulty Friends**

Fourth Division was silent. It seemed people slept and he might too, once he'd checked the health of his lieutenant and the condition of his 'friend'.

Hanatoro met him at the door and smiled wearily. "Lieutenant Matsumoto is sleeping peacefully and will experience no side effects. She will be fully recovered by tomorrow."

He hadn't even needed to ask. A feeling of calm surrounded his heart as he experienced the relief in the news and also that there was no need to explain to Zaraki. "May I see her?"

The small frown on Hanatoro's face showed the request was not welcome, but finally he nodded. "Very, very briefly. Do not talk to her or touch her. She needs uninterrupted rest."

Opening the door, he permitted Toshiro the chance to peer through and see Matsumoto, curled on one side, her back to the door. Her arms seemed to be stretched out, as if embracing someone and she murmured slightly in her sleep. He thought he caught the name, "Zaraki", breathed out on a sad sigh. Did she miss him already?

The shutting of the door indicated that was all the time he was permitted and as he prepared to argue, he decided against it. Shunsui was leaning on the opposite wall, his hat pulled over his face and for a moment, Toshiro wondered if he was sleeping.

"I'm awake. Resting my eyes, but knew you were here the moment you entered the building, Captain Hitsugaya," the man teased. "No one has tried to visit, except for a small unpleasantness with Akon. But that happened while you were here last time."

Where there other potential assassins who wanted to kill Matsumoto? Momo might be hated, but no one was making such strong efforts to kill her.

There was something about Matsumoto, but what could it be? She seemed pretty much an ordinary Shinigami, but the number of attempts to terminate her life was steadily increasing and he had no idea why. Zaraki had hoped that the Seireitei was safe and her life protected. Safety was no longer assured and each attempt increased the likelihood that someone would succeed.

Thinking carefully he walked towards Momo's room, following the noise of sobbing. Was Momo crying?

Kira stood despondently outside the room and Toshiro sensed the presence of Soi's troops out in full force. He was certain he'd detected some outside Matsumoto's room, but they were much better at concealing their presence, which gave him a firm indication of which life Soi felt was more important. More people for Momo, but not the best or most experienced.

He gave a short nod to Kira and braced himself as his hand pushed open the door. Tearful apologies made him nervous and Momo might gush and go on at length about any number of things he didn't want to hear.

Movement attracted his attention as he entered the room as he witnessed Iemura clambering hastily to his feet from the kneeling position he'd adopted to comfort Momo who was kneeling on the floor, every line of her body depicting despair and distress. She was weeping, but it was nothing new to Toshiro. Growing up with the girl he'd seen her weep on a regular basis, crying over accidentally stepping on a caterpillar, the harshness of the breeze, the tea burning her tongue or anything he considered trivial. Too often she overlooked the matters which should concern her and permitted the tiny details to guide her life. Perhaps this was what had drawn her to Aizen, master of tiny details: those minor deceits which added together became a major dishonour.

"'Shiro," she burbled. "I'm so sorry. Will Ran survive? Can you forgive me? I wished I'd never listened to Akon, but he told me I had to know. He said it was about Captain Aizen and important. "

Her voice trailed off as his face stiffened and inadvertently he lowered the room temperature.

Momo shivered and he didn't care. Aizen. Aizen. Always bloody, fucking Aizen. She almost killed her best friend over the bastard Aizen and it made him wonder if she was crying because of what she did to Matsumoto, or what she'd heard about Aizen. If she shivered, she might finally understand he didn't want to hear the man's name or anything about him.

"Lieutenant Matsumoto will recover and there is no permanent damage done, despite your efforts," was his response.

"I didn't mean... Well maybe I did, but not really. I don't want Ran to die before I apologise, but she had sex with Captain Aizen." Momo protested through tears.

"Sex and rape are two entirely different things. One is forced, the other consensual and what Aizen did to Matsumoto was violent, brutal and forced." His voice was as cold as his heart. Why didn't she see it?

Momo hung her head and remained silent. Iemura touched her shoulder and whispered something to her and she nodded. The man left the room after giving Toshiro a cool look.

The bowed woman began speaking very quickly, but very quietly and he had to step closer to hear the words. "It seemed odd for Akon to visit me. He poured me a drink and began talking about injustice. How Captain Aizen had been wronged and that was why he betrayed the Gotei 13. All the blame rests solely on those people who had attacked him and caused him to suffer. Then he mentioned the vile lies that Ran was spreading about being raped by Sosou... by my Capt..." Momo faltered and swallowed.

Toshiro said nothing. Why respond to the way another person had twisted words and facts into a fantasy that bore little resemblance to the horror experienced by too many at one man's hands.

"I didn't want to believe him, but he was so convincing. Every word he spoke sounded right and made me angry with everyone in the Seireitei: you, Iemura, Kira and most of all, Ran. I don't even remember taking the knives from him, but he assured me the poison would kill and Captain Aizen would be proud of me."

Why was Akon doing this? It seemed like Momo was talking about a different person to the man he knew. Had another person infiltrated the Seireitei and posed as Akon to cause this to happen?

Then he thought about it. The man had given Momo something to drink. It may have been a coincidence, but there were too many coincidences in the world.

Instead of mentioning his suspicions aloud he simply stood there. Nodding would make it seem like he approved of her actions, or the distorted things Akon had told Momo. Visiting the man and questioning him might provide some answers, providing they had the right person in custody. Too many unexplained incidents were happening. Until now he hadn't considered how strange it was the two Divisions had nearly rioted and were now under lockdown. Were events being orchestrated by an external agency?

"Please, Sh... Captain Hitsugaya. Ask Ran to see me. I want to tell her I'm sorry. "

The fact that she had called him by his title touched him as did the sincerity in her voice. He found he was nodding. "If she agrees. Only if she agrees," he said.

"Thank you Captain."

"But you will be restrained," he added, thinking it wise to avoid another incident. If Momo attacked Matsumoto again, he might be tempted to kill her, before anyone else had a chance.

Tears trickled down her cheeks once more. "I promise to never hurt Ran again. You don't have to believe me, but I mean it."

Biting his lip he thought about it. She would be restrained. Even this promise didn't make him feel secure.

"Matsumoto must agree and you will be restrained." Those were the conditions. "I will stand outside the door and if you even attempt to hurt her, you will wish Aizen had killed you." He was fierce and noticed her shudder at his tone.

"I already do," she said softly.

The answer seemed to require more questioning, but he resisted the temptation.

Suddenly he felt tired. Too many events and restless night were catching up with him. Without meaning to, he yawned. "We will discuss this further, but later," he told the woman and left the room before she had a chance of replying.

After checking with both Shunsui and Kira regarding who was relieving them of duty and being satisfied by the answers, he returned to his quarters and prepared for bed. As he undressed he found the letter in his sleeve and remembered the earlier drafts. They were still in the room. He'd carefully shredded one, but the other was intact.

"Nothing important there and who'd go to the trouble of piecing together the pieces of paper?" he assured himself. "No one uses that room, anyway."

* * *

4th Division looked deserted. There were no people huddled outside whispering and looking furtive. Her subordinates must have already cleared them away, as she had ordered.

The news of the attack on Lieutenant Matsumoto by the moron, Momo had shocked Soi. How could she hurt someone who stood by her during the times when others ignored her? Why would she try to kill possibly one of her best friends? It made no sense.

When she'd first heard the news, her mind had immediately flashed to Toshiro and his reaction. She knew he'd been present and intervened before the Special Forces operative she'd appointed to watch over Momo had a chance. The meeting with her subordinates on guard duty had been short and bitter. Failing to protect the 10th Division lieutenant twice in quick succession, didn't reflect well on her or 2nd Division. Nor did the fact that weapons had been passed to Hinamori while she was supposedly also under observation. The explanations offered didn't satisfy her, but in her current state of mind nothing would satisfy her except the death of the people who'd fallen far short of her expectations. Hinamori headed that list.

Her elite corps was now watching over Matsumoto and Momo. She had grudgingly agreed to increase the guard on the fool, mainly to prevent her from attacking anyone else, instead of protecting her from any irate Shinigami who might wish to shorten her life. Secretly she applauded the attempt on Hinamori's life by the seated officers of 11th Division, yet at the same time, felt they hadn't tried hard enough.

Resentment of the girl grew. Her actions only proved how selfish she was. All the times she'd been protective and supportive of her captain hadn't been motivated by any noble ideals, but because she was besotted by the bastard and would do anything for him, and obviously had. Her long time friendship with Toshiro had been reduced to something that made him less than a sounding board as she spouted about the traitor's perfection.

The presence of Momo grated on her nerves. She didn't wish to be near her, see her or even think about her, but because of events was prevented from experiencing the luxury of being able to ignore her. Every day brought new reminders of the reason for her estrangement from Toshiro. Now the fool had caused lockdown on three Divisions because of her stupid actions and, if anything, made the already flammable situation in the Seireitei even more combustible.

Toshiro's lieutenant had a knack for choosing the wrong people to befriend and love. It still seemed strange that the woman had fallen for Gin and remained faithful to him as long as she had. One thing it indicated was a firm loyalty, even when the evidence indicated that it had not been earned, nor was it acknowledged by the snake of a man. She'd remained loyal to Momo, being one of the few people who'd tried to help the girl on many occasions. Soi would never have tried, or given up pretty quickly after she realised that there was little hope in trying to make her see sense.

If she was honest, her inclination would be to kill Momo, rather than befriend her.

It was a pity no one else felt the same.

These proofs of steadfastness when it didn't benefit her, meant Ran was completely loyal to her Captain, even while she wheedled him into permitting her freedoms and laziness no other Captain would tolerate. If it was normal for her to give her loyalty in the manner, then she would give her life for her husband and captain, if it was necessary. Soi hoped that the new loyalty was stronger than that which was decades old.

Sighing loudly she shook her head and once more scanned the tops of the roof, the walls, the trees, any place a body could be concealed. Her senses couldn't perceive anything, but since she'd become pregnant she'd wondered if her senses had become less keen as the hormones stole away her abilities. Why she thought that, she didn't know. Half remembered stories and conversations had revolved around the problems of pregnancy and the things it did to women. Any change to either her body or mind she attributed to the changes forced on her by the life growing within her.

Guarding a pregnant woman, possibly two pregnant women, while she was pregnant... Three pregnancies, plus Retsu and Kiyone were pregnant. Why did she even suspect Ran was pregnant? A small snort erupted from her nose as she recalled the reason Kenpachi had provided for the hurried marriage. He'd claimed she was pregnant and it was his responsibility to marry her. Had it even been true? Was it still true?

Why was there a rash of pregnancies? It made no sense. Most of the male captains had seemed more interested in fighting, drinking and avoiding getting into serious relationships as long as she had been a Shinigami, but within the last month there'd been one marriage and an engagement. Toshiro had spoken of marrying Momo, Retsu denied any hope of marriage. Marriage, babies, war, abductions, hatred, violence and misunderstandings that could break apart families and friends all happening now. Could it be a coincidence? At least three pregnancies, that she knew of. Were the women of her Division who'd visited her pregnant? Were all the female Captain and lieutenants pregnant? Was that why Captain Kuchiki had agreed to permit his sister to marry his lieutenant, because she was pregnant to him?

This was unnatural. The other matter which forced her to wonder was that each of them seemed to fall pregnant within days of each other. There was no possibility of it being explained away by coincidence. She'd set up the relationship with Toshiro before any strange events had taken place and now she questioned why she had done so. It seemed out of character for her to demand sexual gratification from another captain who was basically a stranger. While she may have thought about obtaining a lover, until now she had sublimated her desire and taken no action. Why him, why then? It was true the opportunity presented itself, yet normally she would never have taken matters as far as she did.

The other question, and one she might never ask, especially considering the current relationship with Toshiro, was why he'd accepted? Asking for her assistance didn't seem a normal action from him. Why hadn't he simply delegated experienced Shinigami from Momo's Division and his own to protect her? While her forces were elite and well versed in guarding, though in light of recent events she questioned that, why ask for this favour?

Each strand of the situation was knotted and twisted through the others so closely it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. It was evident that some of the strands were concealed or missing.

A surge of anger was quickly repressed. Being manipulated for unknown reasons angered Soi. There was a purpose, one which she began to grasp, but to direct so many people to act contrary to their natures required great skill, planning and dedication. Even while she prided herself on making her own decisions, regardless of others advice, she had been led to act in ways she knew were unfamiliar and foreign.

She didn't regret the pregnancy, not now she'd accepted it. She didn't regret her recently formed friendships or her more active role within her Division. Estranging Toshiro was her regret, though it was impossible for her to bear the burden of the fault on her own. There was no point in allocating blame as it changed nothing. Everything had gone wrong, was still wrong and there was no sign that it wouldn't be wrong tomorrow.

Yet, if there was another force playing with fate and setting these events in motion, it was essential to identify and set up a method of blocking the interference with the line of normal events. Of course, after this, returning to her previous existence wasn't possible and there was no point in mourning what was irretrievably lost. She's spent too much time doing so when she lost Yoruichi to allow the waste of time to recur.

Again she scanned the building, feeling a genuine reluctance to enter. Too many memories surfaced each time. Not only the sex, but the bargain and having to spend time watching over Toshiro's stupid friend. They were only some of the recollections which rose in the vicinity of the place.

No matter how much she wished to avoid it, it was important the interior was checked. Finding it necessary to reinforce her determination, she entered the building, sensing the fluctuating reiatsu of those within. Ran was stable, not in the same peril as when she's been retrieved from the 'gentle care' of her former lover. She would recover quickly which would please most people. Indications were there making it seem the Seireitei wasn't safe for the woman. Was it a haven for any of the inhabitants?

Before she entered the building she felt Toshiro's reiatsu present and her face paled. With all the disturbing thoughts and images which recently rushed through her head concerning the man, she didn't wish to be in close proximity to him. She was strong, yes, but not strong enough. Each time she'd seen him recently, her heart had pounded, but as she refused to act, it hurt as well. Anything to avoid that.

Turning swiftly on her heel she walked, no ran in the opposite direction. "Get away, get away," her thoughts told her. "Being near him is a bad idea and you might end up..."

Shutting her eyes while running was not one of the better ideas she'd had. Recognising the folly of her decision she opened her eyes and found she was standing outside another place she'd avoided.

The place. Where she had first met up with Yoruichi and then Toshiro. Too many memories dwelt in those walls to make it comfortable, but resisting the impulse to enter and revisit a few of the good moments was impossible.

Her hand was opening the door before she realised she'd lifted her arm. Standing in the doorway she tried to turn away and leave, to deny the sweet temptation of the past that permitted her to remember the times when she felt either loved, appreciated or at the very least, satisfied. Partially turning away, her feet betrayed her, walking through the door while her hand closed it firmly behind her. The silence in the room echoed with the words of want, need and hope from the conversations of the past. Hope was the killing emotion. Always the one that would never be met, with events and people regularly falling short of their promises. No one kept promises. They were only words used to gain the attention, affection or another need of the person making the promise. How could anyone keep a promise made in a moment of passion or irresponsibility? Once spoke, the promise was fulfilled simply by the utterance of the words. The promise was complete of itself.

This was how it seemed to Soi. The words substituted for the action and neither were worth anything. Even if the promise was kept, it was always at too high a cost. Better to live in a world without promises. There would be less disappointment and fewer unfulfilled expectations.

If Yoruichi had kept her promise, she would be here. No need for Toshiro, no forthcoming child, no bitter remorse and resentment flavouring her life. And her lieutenant. The man, his proposal and despicable acts may never have been brought to her attention.

Yoruichi had proved unfaithful, betraying her for the first man who looked at her.

She was being unjust. Other men had looked at her lover. Often they'd laughed at the foolish creatures whispering requests, demands and words of love, hoping to gain her attention, but they never had.

What did Urahara possess? Aside from the obvious, of course. He had a penis, but so did other men, or so she was led to believe. He smiled. So did other men. What made him so special?

What made Toshiro so special to her?

No; that was wrong. She was thinking about Yoruichi, not her own 'lust' life. Not love. First she acknowledged she loved him and the next hour denied it as harshly as was possible. Love, not love. If she had a daisy she could pluck off the petals while chanting, "I love him, I love him not." There was more sense in pulling petals off the stem then constantly making decisions and then denying the decision had been made.

Walking across to the table, she sat. The bed, while made and inviting, was not a place she wished to sit. There was a limit to this foolish indulgence and there had already been too much lenience in these idle fancies.

Was it possible to blame the pregnancy for this needless sentimentality? Must she lose everyone she loved?

She'd had that thought before and it was as sickening now as it had been then. She hadn't lost everyone. She didn't love everyone.

"I hate love. Love is stupid. It makes rational people act in a foolish manner: sighing, crying, longing, desiring and worst of all, hoping."

It sounded believable and she'd said it before, but it didn't convince her any more. Love was stupid, perhaps, and she was stupid because she stupidly loved a stupid man. Stretching out her feet, one came into contact with a light object that rolled away, propelled by the slight touch of her foot. Ready to accept any distraction from her thoughts, she looked and noticed it was a piece of paper, wadded into a ball. Looking at the table, the ink stone, paper, water dripper, brushes were there, on the other side of the table. Who'd spend time in this room writing a letter?

Did she dare read it? Even as she considered the matter her fingers had picked up the paper and were smoothing it flat on the table. If the person hadn't destroyed the words they'd written, it meant they weren't important. Anyone might use the room for a period of seclusion. It was pretty Spartan, with only a bed, table, chairs and sink. It was very basic accommodation and many of the Shinigami preferred their little luxuries with tatami mat floors and pleasant views. This room had no views. The window opened onto a blind alley without any flowering shrubs or water features to add interest. The paint was shabby, the ceiling cracked. It was fine for assignations, but not to live. Unless the person didn't care about their surroundings or status.

Then her eye caught something familiar. The paper had the words: "Captain Soi Fong. Captain of the 2nd Division and Commander of the Stealth Forces."

And that was all.

Someone had chosen this place to write her a letter and the calligraphy was familiar. Toshiro had sat at this table, recently, she could tell by the state of the ink stone, preparing to write a letter to her.

Staring at the words, she wondered what reason he had to write to her, especially with a formal introduction. Their recent conversations hadn't been pleasant or even conversations. Most of the time one of them had been willing to talk while the other gave only short and terse responses. Why did he think she'd read any letter he sent her?

A small pile of shredded paper drew her attention and rising from her seat, she went closer, picking it up and noticing there was writing. Whoever had written the words didn't want anyone to read them, but if that were so, why were the scraps of paper still there?

Torn, like the paper she held, the choice was clear. Destroy these scraps of paper, leave them where they were, or piece them together.

Jumping to conclusions often meant an important step was omitted. It was too late. She'd observed the paper was the same as that on the table and the first letter she'd found. The ink was the same consistency and the writing appeared similar.

Refusing to think any further, she sat at the table, moving everything out of her way as she began to arrange the scraps of paper . It wasn't easy. The paper had been ripped into small pieces and the writing was sparse. Carefully she only retained those pieces which contained what looked like writing, placing the blank pieces to one side. There was no need to reconstruct the whole thing, only the words were important.

The first word she managed to put together was 'me'. It didn't take long to pick out the letters of her name and the single word 'I'.

Her fingers felt numb and her mouth stiff as she pieced the other scraps together and disbelievingly read, "Soi, I love me. Marry you."

That wasn't right. A few moves brought the message, "Soi, I love you. Marry me."

Without realising she was doing so, her hand pressed against her mouth. It wasn't signed, but she didn't doubt Toshiro had written the words.

He loved her. He wanted to marry her. But he was going to marry Momo. Was he suggesting a polygamous relationship? She wouldn't share him with the feeble fool who wept for a traitor and tried to kill her friends. Sharing a residence with the woman was the stuff of nightmares and only a desperate person would accept those conditions.

Who would be the chief wife? Was she meant to be a concubine? Soi Fong, the Captain of the second Division a second wife or concubine? It couldn't be tolerated.

He loved her.

Why would she marry him? Immediately dismissing all her frenzied fears about her family and other Captains discovering her condition, she instead thought about all that would be lost to her if she chose to marry. Her independence, much of her free will as she'd need to consider another person's needs and wants, privacy, solitude, the list went on. Why did she bother? Sharing a life, fully committing to another person and that person being committed to another person?

She sat up, shocked that her mind had even led her down this path. How could she think like this? Had love destroyed all her pride and morals? It was unthinkable. then her mind drifted irresistibly to the biggest question.

Did he really love her?

* * *

A.N.

I've enjoyed most of the music recommendations I've been given, but don't bother suggesting: Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Justin Beiber, Andre Rieu etc. There are depths to which I will not sink.

Soundtrack

'Tsugaru' RevenGe vs DE-SIRE

"Forbidden' Moi Dis Moix

'Dissolved Girl' Massive Attack

'Princepio de lucha' Bleach Original Soundtrack 3

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	39. Fraught Friends

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Fraught Friends**

Waking the next morning he once again thought of the discarded letters. Why was he thinking of them? Vague memories of dreams and unacknowledged fears lingered at the edge of his mind, but any time he tried to examine them closer, the seemed to become more insubstantial and fade into obscurity. It wasn't the dreams that concerned him so much as the memories of the letters and the possible disclosure of his secret thoughts if anyone ever found those scraps of paper.

Recalling the first one he felt a moment of worry. It had said too much: revealed everything he'd been thinking and feeling recently. But he'd shredded it, torn it into tiny pieces. No one would bother trying to put the pieces together to read the few scant words on a piece of paper in a room that was usually deserted. Worrying about it wasn't going to help and there were more urgent matters to consider.

Like making Soi fall in love with him and decide to test the chances of a possible future shared with her.

He didn't mean that. It was more important to try to sort out the current problems surrounding his lieutenant and his friend.

The conversation with Momo had changed his opinion of her slightly, but one conversation did not fix all the problems she had caused. No matter the beauty or the sincerity of the words, previous actions did not disappear in their presence. A carefully worded sentiment did not take away the pain or damage, but only covered the guilt the other person felt. It was a sop to the conscience and now his faith in her had been shattered, it wasn't possible to trust her with the same easy devotion as he had previously.

While washing, dressing and eating were essential he resented the time they consumed. His hair refused to obey his wishes, as was usual, and he frowned in the mirror at his reflection and the hair which seemed determined to defy him. Why did he continue to look so young? Did his appearance contribute to his problems with Soi? If he looked older would she like him? Or maybe even find it possible to respect him? Any attempts he made to try to look older were greeted with puzzled glances or amusement from his fellow Captains.

Everyone knew he was young. He knew he was young and the only thing that would change that was time. The problem with time was it wasn't possible to tell how much time he had, if his life might be stolen from him or he'd exist endlessly as the youngest Captain in the Seireitei until the old man finally found some dupes stupid enough and strong enough to fill the vacancies left by the traitors. With his luck they would be older than him.

Nothing was going to change soon. Focusing on what was important was the main need and finding out how Matsumoto was recovering was top of his list. Again he was reflecting on the problems of her remaining in Soul Society. It could not be pure coincidence the strange attack she's experienced in Zaraki's quarters while she was sleeping before Momo's attack. The attempts to kill or harm her were too regular to be random. Letting her stay, no forcing her to stay might lead to further attacks, proving over and over the might of the Gotei 13 was no might, but only a facade of strength to cover the weakness that coiled deep within the heart of the organisation. She wasn't safe here.

Where would she be safe? He'd considered the matter before and had not achieved a satisfactory conclusion and knew he wouldn't. Any failure to protect her again would make him suffer immense guilt, aside from any action Zaraki decided to take. If Matsumoto died, he may as well infuriate Soi into a killing rage so his death would be at her hands. Of the two, Soi would provide the much more attractive and pleasing sight as his life ended.

Giving up on his hair, he wrapped his coat tightly around him and opened the door.

"It's a coat, not a security blanket," he reminded himself. Releasing the coat he tried to assume a cool expression as he began the all too familiar walk to 4th Division. Matsumoto was alive and for that he was thankful.

"Captain Hitsugaya. Please accompany me to see Captain Yamamoto. He wishes to discuss the events of yesterday and the lockdowns." A messenger was waiting at the door and he knew it was impossible for him to ignore the summons.

Until now he's managed to avoid the old man. Now he was going to be lectured and didn't look forward to it with everything else taking up his time.

After a brief but difficult and painful conversation he was released. Lockdown would continue until the Divisions had calmed down. Ikkaku and Yumichika would remain in custody, even when he pointed out how important they could be in restoring 11th Division to some semblance of calm.

"Take their Captain's wife to see them, or get someone else to do so. That will calm them down," Yamamoto replied sternly. "You are disgraced, Captain, by the behaviour of you Division."

Toshiro wanted to reply with a justification that would shut up the old man, but knew there was little point.

"If my Division calms and responds, may they be released from lockdown? I will guarantee they take no further action against any Division." Instead of specifying, he'd make it general. He didn't even feel like uttering the number of Momo's Division.

"I shall see how they respond. If there is further incident, the repercussions will be felt by all," was the less than reassuring reply.

While walking to 4th Division, he tried to ignore the bitter feelings he was experiencing. It was better not to think of his recent conversation, but his mind moved onto another, equally unpleasant set of thoughts.

Momo. Which one was in control? The raving, vengeful virago, or the person who resembled his friend? Did his friend truly exist anymore or had she been destroyed by the twin demons of despair and near death? Did he care enough to mourn her loss?

There was no doubt in his mind which woman he'd see first. The sight of Momo might be inflammatory. At the door to the hospital building, he hesitated. He wanted to see Matsumoto, to assure himself she was well and improving.

Instead his feet took the path to Momo's room. When he noticed, instinctively he began to try to direct his way to Matsumoto's room, but gave into the mixed feeling of fear and hope. Fear that the recent events had broken Momo's will completely and forced her to retire into the person who had trouble accepting reality and refused to believe anyone as she rewrote the events of her life to suit her fantasy. If the pain forced her to do so, then she was a danger to everyone. Any person who was unable to face and live with reality eventually tried to force others to accept their version of events, or die. Not that he imagined Momo might go on an insane rampage, killing anyone who disagreed with her. Simply, the targets who posed the most threat were at risk of death at her hands until opposition ceased. If this was true, he had to act.

An inward shudder forced him to recognise that there were few options available if the worst occurred. Confining Momo in the Maggots Nest was harsh, but not as harsh as death at his hands because delegating that task to anyone else was a failure in friendship. Removing her Shinigami powers did not make her any less of a threat as she still had her fighting abilities, her natural cunning and abilities. Thinking like this made him sick to his stomach.

He would see Momo, briefly, to discover which person she was. If she was the crazy woman, there was no likelihood of a visit of apology occurring and the news would be conveyed to the Old Man, or he might be forced to make an immediate decision. He gagged on the spume of bile rising up the back of his throat at the thought. The act of killing Momo had long haunted his nightmares and dreams. They had drawn blades and fought each other rarely, but each time they had he'd experienced nightmares afterward. Recently the nights were haunted by similar dreams of Soi and Matsumoto.

Dragging his mind from the unpleasant thought he returned to the promise he'd made the previous day. If she was truly contrite and convinced him of her sincerity, he might talk to Matsumoto about seeing her. He was reluctant because though she rarely did it, Momo might lie and pretend she was sorry in order to get close and attempt to kill Matsumoto once more. How was it possible to work out? Momo was bad at lying, especially if he stared at her, but the woman who tried to kill his lieutenant was not one he knew and she may be able to lie, cheat and steal for all he knew. He'd talk to Matsumoto and ask her what she thought. The one problem that was evident due to his long friendship with his lieutenant was she would forgive Momo if she said sorry and cried.

Matsumoto's heart was too soft. Always helping others when she could, joking about things, however the way she felt about long term friends was different. She forgave them much and gave them more leeway and help. He acknowledged Momo had become Matsumoto's friend partly because of him. His friendship with Momo had brought the two women into closer contact than normal. They possibly united because of him, but then found they had other things in common. Not sake, because Momo rarely drank. Not men, because Matsumoto pretended and created a facade of being anyone's and Momo was head over ears in love with Aizen.

He knew he was delaying entering Momo's room. He'd been standing at the door while thinking, his hand resting on it, ready to open it, but his reluctance to find out the truth bothered him. As a Captain he needed to be prepared to face any enemy or disaster with fortitude. It was his responsibility to be able to handle emergencies and make difficult decisions instantly.

This was one of the reasons being a Captain was a thankless task. To be frank, it sucked. Trying all the time to rise above the emotional response was a pain in the rear. Especially when his lieutenant seemed to try to rise above her emotional response and would then end up in tears, crying on his shoulder when she couldn't rise high enough. Or crying on someone's shoulder. Yet, after she'd shed her tears she recovered her equilibrium much faster than he expected.

His mind was coxing him to put off opening the door. He had to open it.

Gritting his teeth, he pushed open the door.

Momo was there, traces of tears visible on her face, looking fearful, drained and dejected. Her face bore all the signs of grief. Then he noticed she was in a large wheeled chair. Tied firmly into a large wheeled chair. Iemura was there, crouched in front of the chair, talking earnestly to Momo. She, however looked up as soon as Toshiro entered the room.

"I'm so sorry, Shi... Captain Hitsugaya. Is Ran okay? Everyone tells me she will recover, but I hurt her." Momo was trying to retain control over her voice, but it wobbled. "I know you told she will get better, but I want to see for myself."

Shiro regarded her closely. There was sincerity in her voice and face.

"Please, Captain Hitsugaya. Ask Lieutenant Matsumoto to allow Momo, I mean Lieutenant Hinamori to let her visit? She's refusing to eat." Iemura was gazing at Momo with a strange expression on his face.

Toshiro sighed. It was only one day and starvation didn't seem imminent.

In a choked voice, Iemura continued, "She even asked me to administer the same poison Akon used on the blades."

Momo began sobbing loudly. "Don't! I don't want anyone else to know. You refused to do it and then ran out of the room."

Iemura stood and looked at her with a gentle expression on his face. "I am a healer. I don't kill people for mistakes they make."

It was more than a mistake. Momo had tried to murder her friend. Why was Iemura making it seem like a minor error of judgement when it was something serious?

"She did try to kill Lieutenant Matsumoto. Stabbing her with poisoned blades was not a mistake or an error in judgment. It was a deliberate attack." Why bother sugar coating the events? Momo had been doing that in her imagination for too long and he feared being gentle with her now might encourage her to dwell within the realm of fantasy.

"I did. It's true. I knew what I was doing and it seemed to make sense, but I was wrong. So wrong. I'm sorry. It wasn't a mistake," Momo's voice cracked on the last word and her sobs shook her body.

Iemura turned and scowled at Toshiro. "She's gone through enough. You don't need to remind her of her actions."

The room temperature dropped significantly before Toshiro realised what he was doing. The man was treating him like a kid and he resented it. Taking control, he returned the temperature to normal and waited a few seconds before he replied. His anger might encourage him to be excessively rude. He might be rude, but didn't need to go for the throat.

"We are Shinigami and responsible for the things we do. Trying to obscure the truth with a petty lie cheapens Matsumoto's life."

Iemura opened his mouth as if he was considering a reply, but caught Toshiro's glare and shut it abruptly.

"He is right, Iemura. It was my decision and nothing I can do will change the fact I made the wrong choice. I hate fighting. I'll kill Hollows because they kill others, but Ran... Ran is my friend."

Toshiro expected these words to be followed by another storm of weeping, but instead, she looked at him and asked, "Please, go to Ran. You are her Captain and she might obey you if you ask her to talk to me."

It didn't sound right to him. "I won't order her to do anything. It is her decision and any attempt to influence her would be unjust. "

Iemura gasped but Momo nodded. "I was wrong to ask you Shi... Captain Hitsugaya."

Waiting for her to say more, he was surprised that she fell silent and looked at him, pleadingly. The look moved him considerably more than words. "Okay. I'll go and talk to Matsumoto. I make no promise that she will agree to see you."

Momo nodded and lowered her eyes.

Refusing to acknowledge Iemura, Toshiro left the room. The man was acting strangely. The protective manner which he was treating Momo reminded him of the way he'd felt about Momo before he admitted he loved Soi, at least to himself.

Was that it? Had Iemura fallen in love with Momo?

There was no time to follow through on the idea as he was now standing in front of Matsumoto's room. Like Momo, he wanted to see how Matsumoto was faring; if she was recovering or had fully recovered.

"Captain, do you wish to visit Lieutenant Matsumoto?" A quiet voice from his left, startled him.

"Yes, I do, Hanatoro."

"Permit me to wake the lieutenant and check her health. She may not be well enough to receive visitors," Hanatoro explained and entered the room.

Stung by the comment, Toshiro almost followed him, but decided to wait. So much waiting. It seemed to take up most of his time. Once more his gaze was drawn to the linen room.

Once he's talked to Matsumoto he'd complete the letter. Making peace with Soi was essential. Getting her to fall in love with him was wishful thinking, but if they mended what seemed irretrievably broken, there may be a chance. A chance was all he wanted. Holding her, rigid with anger and feeling her gradually soften and warm towards him. Of course she'd fight him at first. If she didn't he would have trouble recognising the woman. Soi was a fighter; unwilling to permit anyone to see any sign of weakness, except Yoruichi.

A slight fear clouded his mind. Had she been in contact with her former lover? Was this the main reason she was so wary of him and didn't wish to have anything to do with him, because she still yearned after the woman who left her without a work, a note or explanation. Did the former 2nd Division Captain offer her any hope of a reconciliation, or a shared love. Did Yoruichi wish to regain her former lover and retain her current? He knew little about the woman, except the stories, myths and legends which were whispered around the Seireitei.

The small feud which existed between Byakuya Kuchiki and Yoruichi and the rumour of the attempt to form an alliance through their marriage which both firmly rejected; her ability to shun-po faster than any other Shinigami and her constant refusal to behave in a fitting manner for the daughter of a noble house.

It was possible to see the allure of the woman. He'd seen her a few times in passing after the traitors departed, but had not actually spoken to her.

Shorter women were his preference. Besides, kissing Yoruichi might give him a crick in his neck and a sharp blade between his shoulders from either of the disappointed lovers.

Soi deserved more than a share. She could have his whole heart and he would tell her, but it had to be worded carefully. While she may be direct in her interactions, subtlety was indicated here. How do you subtly tell someone you love them?

"Lieutenant Matsumoto wishes to see you, Captain Hitsugaya. Her recovery is complete and was remarkably quick. There seems to be no scarring and her mind is clear," Hanatoro informed him.

Roused from his thoughts, Toshiro entered the room with haste. She'd recovered so quickly? Was it her constitution or something else? It was curious how fast she healed from wounds or injuries that lay other Shinigami low for days, or even weeks. If Momo had been abducted and treated like Matsumoto, would she have survived? Admittedly he knew Zaraki was partly responsible for her managing to hold onto life, and Momo didn't have someone close enough to her to provide that type of support, not that he was certain if anyone else had the ability to do what the 11th Division Captain had done.

Matsumoto showed no sign of her recent injury, but guilt stricken at his inability to protect her, he blurted out, "I'm sorry."

He didn't like apologising, but he'd done so this time without thinking.

It was strange to have an apology met with a frown. "No need. Is… is Momo okay?" Her voice was hesitant, as if she feared the answer.

Get the bad news over with. He'd talk about Momo later, but his lieutenant needed to know about the other problems they were facing. Bluntly he stated, "I feel that I'm to blame. It had been pointed out to me that she was not…." He stopped, trying to think of the words he needed and then continued, "but I didn't think she'd turn violent; she normally hates fighting. Everyone had been warned not to tell her about your abduction until she had settled down. 12th Division is now under the direct command of the Captain-General and Akon is in the cells awaiting trial. He may be given clemency if it is proven he was only following orders from a superior officer. Yumichika and Ikkaku have already tried to kill Momo and were prevented just in time. They are currently under sedation and 11th Division is under lockdown, as are the 10th and 12th Divisions." There, he was done.

The frown on Matsumoto's face deepened as she listened to him. "Oh." She was concerned, but not prepared to comment and then he noticed her eyes flickered, as if she were thinking hard about the news. A slightly guilty expression crossed her face and from past experience he guessed she might feel responsible.

Before she could start blaming herself and going through the normal need for reassurance to drag her out of the spiral of guilt he broke in. "Don't think it's all about you. 11th Division wanted to use this as an excuse to fight 12th Division and 12th Division seemed to be expecting the fight. Captain Yamamoto is not happy."

That was an understatement, but it was better that way.

She opened her mouth to ask a question, but he decided to talk first. He didn't want to discuss Yamamoto, or the other incidents. They'd happened. "Matsumoto, I'm beginning to think we need to send you somewhere else. Either that or you will need to be guarded at all times, even when you think you will be safe. I know that Captain Fong has increased the surveillance on you, but with all that has happened I'm not sure it's enough. I have to consult with the Captain-General." Damn, he'd mentioned him again.

"I agree. Let me go to Hueco Mundo. I want to be with Zaraki and they won't expect me there," was her reply.

At least she hadn't asked about the other things, but this was a mistake. He'd guessed she'd ask; it was certain she wanted to be reunited with her husband, but he still felt a frission of shock at how quickly she'd made the demand. "Allow you to go there? Your husband gave me strict instructions that I was to keep you here and protect you. The Captain-General has ordered that you remain here. Even if you go there you'll be in more danger." She started back as his voice grew louder. He was nearly shouting. Not surprising after all the disasters of the past few weeks.

The well known stubborn look began to form on her face and as swiftly disappeared. "As you command, my Captain."

The words were right, but he didn't believe her. "If you're planning to get around the orders, I will have you confined in the cells. But I can't do that as it would make you a target for any agents that may be here. Matsumoto, why are you giving me this trouble?" He wanted it to be easy. Instead it was complicated. As he ran his hands through his hair, he almost tugged at it in despair.

Matsumoto's face softened and her voice became contrite. "I'm not trying to, Sir." The Sir was unexpected. "All I want is to be with my husband. I want this nightmare to stop. We've lost so much and gained mistrust, anger, hatred, violence and despair. Perhaps I should have noticed more, Captain. I should have persisted with Gin, no matter what, and regained his trust and then I would have been able to stop the disaster."

She assumed too much responsibility. Aizen had his own plans and may not have told Ichimaru anything useful. "You know that would never have worked. The rape was a calculated attempt to break you and destroy any chance of reconciliation with Captain Ichimaru. You almost confessed that was your belief, when you told me, except you were too scared to acknowledge the truth head on. You normally face unpleasant facts squarely."

She nodded and was quiet, pain and sadness plain on her face. He couldn't allow her to sink into sad thoughts and he had a promise to keep. Trying to keep his voice level he asked, "Will you face another unpleasant experience now?"

A small pause indicated she had reservations about the possible request. "To please you, Captain, I'll try. I'd need to know the situation before I can agree."

It was impossible to meet her eyes and staring out the window seemed as good a place to look as any. What he was going to ask was unfair and while pleasing one friend, he was possibly placing another in jeopardy. "There's someone who wants to see you, but you may not wish to see her."

"Who?" She looked confused.

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he uttered the name: "Momo."

The flinch was unmistakable, but unplanned.

The explanation came out in a rush as he hoped she would once again demonstrate the generosity of spirit which he thought was mistaken, but now realised he relied upon. "Since she woke up she hasn't stopped crying and apologising to everyone who enters the room, even the people she doesn't know. She is insistent that she apologise to you, otherwise she had threatened to stop eating." She asked Iemura to administer the same poison that was on the blades to her as she did not feel she deserves to live and now he won't stop crying. We have to pretend we don't notice."

Matsumoto looked at him, trying to read his face and he returned her gaze hopefully.

"I will see Momo if you are present, Captain."

Relief mixed with exasperation ran through him. He hoped this request wasn't the obstacle it appeared to be. "She has asked that I am not present. She had been checked for weapons and I have brought your zanpaku-to in case she tries anything. You are a much stronger fighter than she is and it amazed me that she managed to attack you so easily. Don't trust pity." He didn't mean to sound bitter, but it was difficult not to experience the emotion.

Matsumoto licked her lips as if they were dry, or she was nervous, but didn't reply. She seemed to be thinking about her answer, so now it was time to provide the one thing which might make her agree.

"Momo has agreed that Iemura can be here, but no one else. He will have a sedative ready in case her mood changes and she becomes violent." The bitterness was there again.

Was it better when they had lived their lives in ignorance? When Momo's reverence for her captain was a joke and not a tragedy?

His lieutenant's hands moved over her face, touching it as if to provide reassurance that her skin was not damaged. "I'll let her have five minutes, no more and you have to stay outside the door, Captain. I don't feel good about this."

Before he brought in Momo, it was necessary to warn Matsumoto that her appearance might be a little odd. "We've taken other precautions, so don't be too shocked."

He quickly went to Momo's room. Upon telling her the news tears sprang to her eyes.

"Ran will see me? Oh, thank you Shi... Captain Hitsugaya. Thank you. I promise I won't hurt her." She sputtered.

"You will be with her at all times," he commanded Iemura. "She is not to be permitted to be unbound or to leave the chair. Do you understand?"

"I think I know what is required," the man said sourly.

Toshiro didn't like his attitude. Instead of saying anything, he nodded and escorted both of them to Matsumoto's room.

As he predicted, Momo began to sob as soon as she entered. Shutting the door firmly he stood outside, ready in case he was needed. If Momo attacked Matsumoto again, the Seireitei might crack apart with Divisions fighting amongst each other.

He waited, feeling increasingly nervous as time passed. There were no raised voices, no sounds of conflict, but the steady sound of conversation and Momo crying. What was happening in there?

* * *

A.N.

Same excuse as offered for 'Different Circumstances'. Family problems took up too much time. Now I've disowned them life might be a little easier.

No, I didn't disown them. Thought about it, but decided it might look bad on my resume.

Soundtrack

'Wake Up' Alanis Morissette

'Wake Up' Three Days Grace

'Wake Up' Chicane

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	40. Friends Again

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Friend's Again**

It was taking too long and waiting only made him imagine nasty things happening in the room. Iemura helping Momo suffocate Matsumoto, or more vicious accusations being uttered against his lieutenant. Momo might be sobbing, but she cried so often it didn't indicate she wasn't injuring her friend. He idly pictured the tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to stab Matsumoto earlier. It might be a fantasy but he remembered her apparent grief when she was fighting him after accusing him of Aizen's 'murder'.

Did all women cry when they were angry? If so, how could you tell if they were angry or unhappy or happy? Momo cried when she was experiencing any of these feelings. Sometimes he'd found Matsumoto crying and she'd assured him she was fine and she wasn't really crying. Her eyes were simply wet for some reason or another. If he tried to argue with her, or obtain more information she would either shrug and pretend to sleep or hug him tightly, distracting him with his attempts to be free of her embrace.

The sight of tears didn't disturb him as much as the heartfelt sobbing and seeming need to feel the maximum amount of pain to enhance the experience. It was impossible that every woman gave way to grief in that manner. If Soi cried, she would bite her lip and dash the tears away angrily and then deny they existed. She wouldn't indulge in thoughts or words to make her despair even greater.

Resolutely, he opened the door and entered, not bothering to knock or otherwise indicate he was checking on them. If there was a problem he wanted to know as soon as possible. If Matsumoto was harmed in any way, swift justice was required. Even under lockdown some dimwit was certain to seek further revenge and the Seireitei was in enough turmoil already.

Three pairs of eyes turned to the door and with a rush of relief he noticed no one was injured. Iemura was standing very close to Momo looking happier than Toshiro could remember seeing the man. Not just happy but almost transported with joy (and Toshiro could not imagine which destination had been chosen). The bitter man who apparently blamed Toshiro and Matsumoto for Momo's behaviour, almost regarded Toshiro with friendship. Momo had been crying, but even she looked less wretched than normal. His lieutenant looked shocked. She was trying her best to appear relaxed and in control of her emotions, but he knew her too well for it to succeed.

"What's happening?" It was an appropriate question.

"Lieutenant Hinamori has agreed to become my wife. I get a wife and a baby all in one package." Now the man was crying! Were tears catching? Or was Iemura an emotional guy? He decided not to look or comment. If he said anything his eyes might start watering in sympathy.

Then the words sunk in. Iemura was marrying Momo. Momo was getting married and he need not ask her! He was free of the need to do the honourable thing.

He had to tell Soi. The first thing he knew was he wanted Soi to know was he needed to talk to her. The letter. He'd finish the letter and send it to her with the hornet carving he'd been carrying in his pocket. It was hers. She deserved it and anything else she desired, especially if she desired him. Glancing toward the door he considered offering quick words of condolence, no congratulations, and then finishing the letter. It might seem rude, but too much time had been spent indulging Momo and her problems; now he might consider his own.

"May I have a moment with the Lieutenant, alone?"

Matsumoto's gentle voice drew his attention. It was possible her request was genuine, or she witnessed his desire to leave. It didn't matter, but she did not permit him to miss her quick glance at Iemura. She wanted the man removed and he couldn't blame her. While it might be the happiest day of his life, he didn't need to cry. While it was difficult to understand why a female cried when she was happy, it made even less sense for a man to cry.

"Do you feel safe?" he asked.

Foolish question. She'd deny feeling under any threat as it might hurt Momo's feelings.

"I promise I will not hurt Ran. She's my friend and I was wrong earlier. Please let me talk to her alone. She's the only one who will understand."

It was no surprise Momo was shedding more tears. At least Matsumoto didn't seem to be leaking from the eyes on this occasion.

Toshiro nodded and grasping Iemura by the elbow, as he was certain his eyesight would be affected by the salt water, steered him through the door and out of the room.

"Comis.., I mean congratulations. Momo is a," what words were best used in a situation like this? Senior officer? Delusional? No, he had to temper his opinion, "good friend of mine. We grew up together. Do not hurt her."

Instead of the expected denial he received a smile as the man wiped his eyes. "She will be treated like a princess from a noble house."

That wasn't what he needed to hear. "She needs to be treated as a person; not a princess, otherwise she won't understand there are consequences to every action."

"Princesses are people." Iemura didn't understand.

For a second, Toshiro considered explaining, but decided against it. The conversation needed to happen, but not now. He had a letter to finish.

Her cheeks flushed with anger, Soi stormed out of First Division. The man was intolerable! No! Worse. He was a man. The pre-emptory summons to meet with him in 1st Division, regardless of other anything she might be doing irritated her. Yes, he was her superior officer, but so what?

Guiltily she recalled a few times when she had done similar things to her subordinates, but she was a Captain with many responsibilities, not some person charged with simple tasks.

A rueful smile crossed her face. If she changed her attitude and methods of dealing with her people, rumours might spread. Yet, she was feeling charitable. It had been difficult to sleep the previous night. The scraps of paper were in her sleeve, pieced together and pasted on another piece of paper.

Why had he written the words? Was he writing a letter to her and if so why? Did he miss her as much as she missed him?

Sternly she put those thoughts aside. Gushing sentimentality was fine for his little thick headed friend but not for Soi. Any tendency to act like a love sick fool should have been cured by her relationship with Yoruichi, or solely directed at her, not straying to Toshiro.

Did he like soppy females? Was it Momo's overly emotional nature which had attracted him to her? He seemed so cold and distant most of the time. Perhaps her ability to express her feeling appealed to him, but then, why was he writing words of love to her.

Quickly removing the paper from her sleeve once again she checked that it was her name that was written. Soi. It was Soi and he was one of the few people who called her by that name. It had to be from him. She recognised the handwriting and the coincidence of it being in the room where they had been together was too great for it to be anyone else, wasn't it? A warm feeling overtook her but she didn't trust it. She was angry with Yamamoto and should not be thinking about romance. The man had ordered her to take the 10th Division lieutenant to both 10th and 11th Division to assure everyone she had recovered. When she'd suggested that returning the 11th Division's 3rd seat and 5th seat might help, he'd ignored her words and dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

The whole thing was a disaster, except Rangiku was alive and if Toshiro had any sense left to him, his adoration of Momo might have cooled slightly as she was the one responsible. All this uproar over the actions of a simpleton who had been given too much consideration and latitude. No one had even guessed she was a danger, not even Soi. Or had it been her acting alone, or the influence of another? Had the visit by Akon triggered a psychotic outburst, or was there more happening than she noticed? Poison clung to the blades; was another subtle poison administered to Momo to cause her to act so differently?

One more twinge of conscience reminded her that her members of her Division were on watch and failed to prevent the incident. Yamamoto had mentioned that more than once and she had remained tight lipped, not responding to his accusations that as she was the Captain, the responsibility rested with her. Complacency was the problem. No one had even questioned the reason one of Kurotsuchi's closest subordinates had requested to see Momo and even seemed to find it peculiar even though there was no evidence of friendship between them. As soon as she returned to her Division she would meet with all under her command and remind them of their responsibilities and duties. Their reflected failure grated on her considerably and it could not be permitted to continue.

Her lips forming into a firm line she wondered again if this was partly due to her lieutenant keeping important information to himself. Knowledge was power, ignorance was bliss and the fat fool was incompetent. Ignorance wasn't bliss. When ignorance was replaced with enlightenment, pain was part of the process.

"Not always," she found herself thinking. "I didn't know Toshiro loved me."

Startled by the stray thought she ignored the warm sensation that spread from her centre outwards and considered. Showing Rangiku to the relevant Divisions was her priority, but she didn't wish to return to 4th Division. Knowing Toshiro was there might tempt her to seek him out; possibly talk to him, idly produce the letter and see his reaction.

This scenario flitted briefly though her imagination and as quickly vanished. If she were a different person she might act in the manner she was imagining, but she wasn't, so she wouldn't and there would be no quick resolution to the problem.

She frowned. Quick resolutions were better, yet this had already been dragging on. She wouldn't talk to him, he wouldn't talk to her. Every time they were near each other, they pointedly didn't exchange glances, or talk directly unless it was essential.

From being 'sex buddies', she refused to think the term 'lovers' in context of their time together, they were hostile acquaintances. She was scared any time she spent with him might cause her to loosen her strict control over her emotions and say or even act in a way which might hint at the truth. So often she sought to reach the truth, to prove the truth and now she was avoiding the truth.

"Tchah! What's the proof of truth?" she said aloud and then giggled at her inadvertent rhyme. It felt strange to laugh at her own words, especially as she hadn't been amused by anything for a long time.

Rather than taking a direct route to 4th Division, she walked until she was certain members of her elite squad were shadowing her.

"Show yourselves," she commanded.

Immediately three black clad forms appeared, crouching before her. "Your commands, Sir?"

"Await Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto in 4th Division. When she is discharged, bring her directly to me. I will await her here. Guard her at all times and do not permit anyone to approach her."

Without awaiting her dismissal, the three vanished.

One small problem solved; all the large ones still awaited a resolution.

Maybe Matsumoto might help?

Toshiro sat at a Retsu's table. Hanatoro had supplied him with an ink stone and the other necessary writing paraphernalia and he took the letter out of his sleeve and smoothed it out.

"Soi,

You are the only Captain I trust to exercise good judgement in these difficult circumstances."

It was cold, but still it was a beginning. At the same time he wanted to tell her he loved her, but decided it would be too painful if she didn't feel the same way. Writing the words made it real; if she read them, the words could not be recalled but would linger forever in her memory and provide an opening to her derision and disgust.

"I regret the misunderstandings which have come between us and caused what seems to be an irreparable rift. Most of the fault is mine. Words were spoken without due consideration to the situation."

He reread what he had written. The words were plain, but also could be interpreted many ways by anyone who did not know the background. At the same time, the admissions and acceptance of the fault, stung.

"Is it possible to put the past behind us? For us to meet and with the wisdom of experience talk to each other and reach an understanding which may, eventually, lead to friendship?"

He was getting a little soppy here and normally Soi might reject the goad, but at the same time she was deeply sentimental, at least where Yoruichi was concerned. It was time she stopped mourning the loss of her friend/lover and at least made new friends.

"I have missed hearing your thoughts about the events which are taking place too rapidly. Please, Soi, forgive me."

He wrote the last words in a rush, wanting to write them and at the same time fiercely trying to deny they needed to be written. It was humbling. He hated being humble or even saying sorry. What if she saw it as a sign of weakness?

Then he remembered the hornet figurine he still carried in his pocket. It was beautifully carved and valuable. Flowers might indicate romance, chocolates the same, but a figurine which acknowledged the form of her shika might please her. It wasn't romantic, at least not in the conventional sense.

"As a token of my sincerity I send this statuette to you and hope you will accept it in the spirit in which it is given."

Now, how was he to sign the dratted thing? He couldn't say 'love', or 'sincerely' or any of the other normal endings. Finally he simply signed 'Toshiro Hitsugaya' and without reading it over slipped it and the figurine into the envelope he'd prepared, sealing it before he could change his mind.

Rising abruptly from the seat he left the room. He had to give it to someone he trusted to deliver it now, as his fingers already itched to tear the paper into as many pieces as was necessary to make it impossible to ever put together. The situation could not be permitted to continue. His concentration was at its lowest when he needed to be more focused than ever before.

There was only one person he felt it possible to trust. His lieutenant would give the package into Soi's hands. Her curiosity might be aroused, but as he thought about Matsumoto he came to a sudden realisation. This was why Zaraki had insisted on a speedy marriage against all the objections. He'd fallen in love where he never expected to find love and didn't want to lose a moment of it. Whether he knew he was in love or it was purely sexual enjoyment, Toshiro wasn't certain, but he had no doubt the 11th Division Captain loved his wife, or she loved him in return.

Before he could go to the room, Hanatoro requested his attention. Impatiently, Toshiro listened and as the man spoke he felt more worried and relieved than he'd thought possible.

"Lieutenant Hinamori was not only acting as a result of the revelations," Hanatoro spoke quietly. "There was a substance in her system which made it impossible to control her feelings, but instead intensified them. If she would normally feel irritated with news, or slightly upset or disappointed, the substance would intensify the emotion until it became overwhelming. "

There was such a substance available? Immediately Toshiro guessed where the drug had originated. "Twelfth Division. Akon gave the drug to Momo in the cup of water!"

"We believe that is what happened. Fortunately, it wore off very quickly. I am amazed Lieutenant Hinamori managed to control her emotions as long as she did and not attack anyone aside from Lieutenant Matsumoto. Even so, given the strength of the compound, she must have been fighting against the effects, otherwise her rage would have made certain she would not miss..."

"And Matsumoto would be dead," Toshiro finished for him.

Momo wasn't the crazy, unrestrained creature he'd seen screaming and attempting to harm his friend. She' d been at war with herself and had prevented too much harm coming to Matsumoto. He felt a sudden rush of forgiveness well through him toward Momo and a consuming anger at the people who sought to use friends against friends for whatever twisted and sick purposes they followed. How could he be certain that Aizen hadn't used the power of his zanpakuto to change Momo into the dependent obsessed person she was? She had forgiven everything he'd done, allocating the deed to another person. He'd seen how Kira had changed under the not so gently tutelage of Ichimaru. How did he know what interactions occurred between Momo and her beloved Captain?

Acting quickly he opened the door of the room where he'd left Matsumoto talking to Momo and a speedy observation proved that Momo had not attempted to further harm her friend. Breathing a sigh of relief he said, "Momo needs her rest. You are to carry a package to Captain Soi Fong. Would you please make sure it is delivered into her hand and her hand alone?" The last few words were difficult to utter without emphasising or placing special significance on them. It was unlikely Momo might notice the emphasis, but Matsumoto was more perceptive.

With eyebrows raised and a questioning look on her face, Matsumoto took the package from him. "Yes, Captain."

She wanted to ask him about it, but he was surprised to note her restraint. She left the room and he wondered briefly if he should remind her she needed to dress in her uniform, but Momo immediately elicited his attention with a question.

"Have you forgiven me?" Her voice was uncertain and there was a slight tremor present as if she expected him to give a cruel reply.

He turned the question back to her. "Has Matsumoto forgiven you?"

She nodded. "Yes. She forgave me. "

Hands folded in her lap and her eyes downcast she seemed subdued.

Now Matsumoto had gone, it seemed the restraints were no longer necessary. Not daring to think of the reception of his letter, he busied his hands, releasing her bonds, more gently than she expected he noticed because of the amount of tension present in her body.

"Thank you for asking Ran to talk to me. She has been my friend through all of this and never tried to hurt me. You have been my friend too, Toshiro. I know I've disappointed you by my devotion to Captain, I mean Aizen. I can't say I don't still love him, because I do, but I know he is a traitor."

The words stunned him. Momo was admitting that Aizen was a traitor? What had happened?

"When I realised I nearly killed someone who had tried to help me, it made me think hard. I can't stop loving him simply because I know he is..." she hesitated as if scared of saying the next word. "I know he is evil," she admitted with a deep sigh. "Ichimaru hurt Ran because she loved him and maybe he fell out of love with her. Aizen hurts people because..." again she paused. "I don't know why he hurts people."

Ever since she had joined the Academy and encountered Aizen for the first time he had never heard these types of admissions that the perfect man and captain was less than perfect. The shock she'd experienced had obviously forced Momo to re-evaluate her ideas. From the sad look in her eyes it was obvious that the forced growth she'd experienced had hurt her deeply and time was needed for her to recover her equilibrium.

Sitting down opposite her once she was free he held her hands and looked into her eyes, which were raised questioningly to his. There was a glint of moisture which indicated Momo was close to tears. The admission had hurt her, he was certain, but now she had finally admitted to some of the truth, while the pain might be raw, it would pass. Her delusions had protected her and perhaps it was the reason she'd clung to them for so long.

"Ran needs to be with her husband, Toshiro. If I can be used as a weapon against her, then anyone can, maybe even you."

She was right. Momo was thinking about something other than her own problems and was seeing the situation clearly.

"I don't think Hueco Mundo will be safer." Sending his lieutenant to the place where her enemies lived, knew the terrain and had strong allies was a mistake he wasn't going to make.

"Two of our strongest Captains are there and Kenpachi won't let anyone hurt Ran..." her voice trailed off. "I mean he will be even more protective."

"She'd be safer in the human world." He voiced his belief aloud.

"Who there could protect her? "Mr Urahara and Miss Yoruichi?"

The suggestion made Toshiro laugh. "Zaraki wouldn't agree. He doesn't trust Urahara and says he's a pervert."

Momo frowned slightly. "They are both former Captains, one of whom was in charge of the Special Corps."

Hearing that made his heart thump. Even a reference this oblique made him think of Soi and her possible reaction to the letter. She might have read it by now.

"Captain," the term of address shocked him and drew her attention back to the conversation. "Captain, she will find a way of being with her husband whether you agree or not."

It was true, but he didn't want to agree. Zaraki would kill him for certain if Matsumoto suddenly appeared and he couldn't send her alone. It was essential she was accompanied but it was hard to decide which person might be best suited to the task.

Then he remembered the warning the man had issued before he left. The words indicated Zaraki expected his wife to try to join him and he'd hoped Toshiro would be able to stop her.

"When have I ever been able to stop her from doing anything she wanted to do?" He hadn't realised he'd spoken aloud but a small chuckle from Momo informed him he had.

"Ran is headstrong," she agreed. "Did you try to talk her out of getting married?"

He nodded. He'd tried to talk her out of having an affair with the man, let alone marry him, but she hadn't listened. At the time even he had recognised there was not much point in attempting to talk Zaraki out of doing whatever he wished. The only chance had been trying to advise Matsumoto her actions weren't wise but of course she was as stubborn as her husband, but in a different way. She tended toward more passive resistance rather than removing the objection by any unreasonable force. She had smiled sweetly and done what she planned to do, but what else did he expect?

Why try to prevent the inevitable? It was only a matter of time before Matsumoto joined her husband and encountered whatever problems awaited her. If 12th Division were actively working against her, could he trust the Division previously captained by Aizen, Ichimaru and Tosen? While the lieutenants appeared to be friends with his lieutenant, was it possible Aizen had planted some post-hypnotic suggestion to harm designated senior officers of the Seireitei? The man had been planning his defection for years. Was it possible he had even planned to remove further obstacles when all their attention was directed outward, not inward?

Soi might have some ideas. She'd listen and see the flaws in his logic.

Damn. He hoped she'd forgive him. Even if she didn't want to renew the sex, and he was missing that more than he ever expected, he missed her more, even their fights and misunderstandings. He'd prefer to have Soi yell at him and abuse him than Kiyone wrap her arms around him and try to kiss him. He'd experienced both and knew which he preferred.

He hoped Matsumoto would persuade Soi to forgive him.

* * *

A.N.

One family crisis down, only the rest to go.

Soundtrack

'Help Yourself' Death in Vegas

'Hung Up' Madonna

'Starry Eyed Surprise' Paul Oakenfold

'Hypnotic' Holly Vallance

Review. I need to be amused.


	41. Lover's Letter

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. Most of the characters in this story are not mine. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Lover's Letter**

Waiting impatiently, Soi tried to exude an air of calm and composure. Appearing agitated while she waited for Toshiro's lieutenant was not acceptable and there was no need to anticipate anything. Taking the woman to varied destination didn't inspire her with excitement. Hearing Matsumoto talk about her husband made Soi feel slightly nauseous. Obsession was a soft word for the way she felt about the man who married her and it seemed slightly wrong to Soi to be in love to the extent the woman avowed to be.

No matter how she felt about the man, she would never, never, never allow anyone else to know she adored him; not even Toshiro. Of course this relied upon retaining her natural reticence and restraining the inclination which had made her act so foolishly around Yoruichi. Blushing and acting like a silly girl was not appropriate for a Captain and Commander. It seemed likely it would be a bad idea to admit her emotions even to herself, as she might act on them.

The recent events were disturbing. The Old Man was reacting in a manner which seemed at odds with his normal behaviour. There was no doubt he was being stubborn and appeared to refuse to think things through properly before he acted and until this time she 'd thought he planned his dealings carefully.

All the indications were he'd begun to be less effective. If he had been fully in charge, the murder of the Council would never have happened, nor would it have been concealed for so long. It still shocked her to think of the amount of time the bodies had been left there to rot while Aizen and his fellow traitors issued orders and pretended nothing was out of the ordinary. Why hadn't Yamamoto probed deeper into the demand for Rukia's execution? Was he always so obedient to a higher authority, or had he hoped, in the deepest recesses of his mind for the removal of the ruling body so he might be the ultimate power in the Seireitei?

These thoughts scared her. Having been exposed to one person who justified full scale murder and subversion as a method of gaining power was making her suspect one person who should be immune to those desires. The man who had created the Seireitei surely wouldn't engineer it's destruction. What would be the point? Destroying everything he'd worked for any reason didn't seem like the man who'd headed the 13 Divisions for so many centuries, priding himself on the efficiency with which they dispatched Hollows and kept the threat to the Human world under some sort of control.

This was taking too long. Why wasn't the woman here? Was she primping, playing with her hair, trying to work out how to display her cleavage to gain the most attention?

An unconscious glance down her own front made her blush. The woman made her feel inadequately endowed. So did the girl who so obviously yearned after the substitute Shinigami, the girl who'd started this second kidnapping cycle. She'd seen how some of the male Shinigami seemed fascinated simply by watching the women inhale. Breathing wasn't fascinating. It was something people had to do.

At least she knew Toshiro wasn't fascinated by large mammary glands.

Or was he?

Matsumoto was his lieutenant and he always seemed more interested in making the woman work or keep out of trouble than her obvious assets.

Did he mind she wasn't hugely endowed?

Her eyes opened wide as she realised the way her thoughts were turning. Her body was at the peak of its form, flexible and ready to respond to any situation or requirement, aside from the pregnancy. She was still nimble and on constant alert to avoid any potential threat. Other men, even if they were Omeada, found her attractive and Toshiro had appeared to enjoy her body.

Damn it! Her mind was once more leading her down the same path. Why couldn't she keep her thoughts focused in the normal appropriate patterns? Why was one man having such an effect on her?

Finally a movement in front distracted her from the unhelpful thoughts. She saw two of her people escorting the 10th Division Lieutenant and she approved. One of her people remained hidden to observe any potential dangers which might not be obvious to those who were escorting a possible target. She decided to conceal herself in order to observe.

The woman seemed to be carrying something which Soi looked at with curiosity. A parcel, or package of some kind. Perhaps someone had handed her a late wedding present, but then why was she carrying it? Protocol dictated the present was not to be opened while the giver was present and it was unlikely one of her team would give this woman a present. In any case, it was immaterial.

Appearing quickly she said the simple command, "Come with me."

Matsumoto stiffened and stopped, then turned slowly toward Soi, a small frown on her face. Soi used the dismissing motion of her hand and her subordinates obediently disappeared.

"I have this for you from my Captain." Matsumoto held out the package.

A present? For her? From Toshiro? It was unexpected, but was it unwelcome? With a great deal of hesitation she reached out her hand and took the package. It was heavier than expected and appeared to contain something more than a letter as she distinguished a hard and heavy object within.

As it was from Toshiro, did that mean she could open it now? She began to slip it into a pocket, but curiosity was too strong and her fingers undid one end without any command issuing from her brain.

The object within slid into her hand and proved to be a figurine. Instantly, she drew back, expecting a detailed carving of a black cat, but instead it was something carved from white jade. Looking closer she saw it was carved into a very lifelike depiction of a hornet. A hornet ready to attack.

She quickly trained her muscles not to react, for her face to remain impassive, but a thrill went through her. He had taken the trouble to find something which meant a great deal to her, a depiction of the power of her attacks. Something that was both so personal, but also an acknowledgement of her abilities. Did it mean something important? Should she accept the gift? A longing to keep it grew in her while she knew to accept if might indicate an acceptance of the man who sent it to her. It had been a clever plan, giving it to his lieutenant to deliver when she had to accompany the woman. Of course, it was possible to place the statuette back in the packet, return it to the woman and firmly instruct her to return it to the sender. It was possible to do so. As it was a personal matter, that should be the end of it. Returning it was the right thing to do. It sent the correct messages and indicated her disinterest.

A beam of light caught the purity of the jade and the fine carving. The gilding was a touch ostentatious, but she couldn't fault it. If she were to select a representation of the spirit of her Zanpakuto, this was the obvious choice. She loved it and it was difficult to tear her eyes away from the beauty of the piece, but the Lieutenant was observing with far too much interest. Soi reluctantly place it in her pocket, along with the letter.

It took some effort but she said, "I will read the letter later. You may need to carry a reply to your Captain," she paused, taking a deep breath before continuing to the important matters. "You need to show yourself to 10th and 11th Divisions so they can be assured that you are still living. Captain Hitsugaya has reassured 10th Division but verbal assurance is not working on the 11th so well."

In truth it wasn't working at all. As their four most senior officers were absent, the atmosphere is the 11th Division was dangerous. Too many argumentative, testosterone hyped males were outdoing each other with their talk and supposed attempts to breach the lockdown and revenge their Captain and the honour of their Division and blah, blah, blah. A great amount of talk and puffing out of chests as each tried to outdo the other with words, not necessarily with actions. If only they placed as much emphasis on tactics and co-operation, the Seireitei would be a better place. Perhaps a little less interesting.

Moving swiftly, she led the way into the 11th Division compound, ignoring the bows of the guards, wanting this chore over and done with. Then she could read the words Toshiro had written to her and spend time ruminating over her response.

Or respond as she normally did. Quickly and following her initial impulse. All her training had honed her instincts to a very high level and making speedy decisions made more sense to her than considering every angle and each word.

Walking amongst the members of 11th Division reminded her that this was one of the times she hated not being tall. All the men in this Division seemed to loom, without even trying and no one was shorter than her. She set her chin and said loudly upon reaching the largest of the groups hanging around: "Here is your Captain's wife, alive and unharmed. Will you stop acting like fools? How will your Captain feel if he hears of this?" Good, her voice showed no sign of fear.

"He'll probably tell us we should have gone and executed the tart who tried to kill his wife," one of the low browed thugs grumbled. "And we should have slaughtered 12th Division while we had the chance. They caused this."

This was progressing about as well as she expected: in other words, badly.

One man's eyes were firmly fixed on the lieutenant's chest. "Yeah, less scum to crowd this place. But at least the woman's alive and looking good. I've always liked looking at her."

Soi was about to remonstrate with the man when another 11th Division low life, slapped him on the shoulder and said, "Good thing the Captain didn't hear you say that, idiot," one told him. "You can look, if he doesn't catch you, but don't talk and definitely don't touch."

"She's the captain wife, not just a woman. What about the bint that tried to kill you. Is she still alive? Will she try to murder you again?" The man ignored Soi completely, addressing his question directly to Matsumoto. The slight stung slightly, until she tried to rationalise it, and failed. There would be time later to point out his mistake.

"Lieutenant Hinamori has been suffering from a serious disorder, Tuan," Matsumoto said steadily with a smile. Why was she smiling? This wasn't funny. "4th Division have worked out a cure and she is now in her right mind. Please don't send anyone else to kill her. She won't hurt anyone and she is under my protection."

Yet another person under Hinamori's spell. Thinking about the woman made her want to scream, or something.

"You keep away from that nut job," Tuan was telling Matsumoto seriously, as if he held some sort of authority. "Don't give her a second chance."

The rumble of agreement was very loud which pleased Soi. Apparently not everyone thought Momo was perfection. All these men were more inclined to kill her.

"And stay away from 12th Division, too. Next time the attack may be from them, not some stupid girl." Did all these men think it essential they tell their Captain's wife how to behave and what to do? Where did they obtain these ideas? Matsumoto had a brain and the decisions were hers to make. She couldn't think of anyone who willingly spent time in 12th Division, either.

Toshiro's lieutenant coughed gently and spoke again. "Your Captain will be informed of your care for me and I'm sure he will reward you, but for now we have to keep the peace. We shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves."

Ah, so she was playing it that way. The instructions the men were throwing at her were because they 'cared'. It was possible they did, especially about how their survival if anything untoward happened to their Captain's wife while he was away.

"We didn't start the fight with the 12th. They shouldn't have tried to get you killed. They only tried because our Captain isn't here," the older man said and the others nodded agreement. Was he intentionally inciting everyone around him? Soi prepared to take action to silence him. 11th Division was already tense enough. The wrong words now might prove disastrous.

Before she could move, Matsumoto said "Protecting the Seireitei against our real enemy is more important than worrying about 12th Division."

She was being too polite and Soi cut in. This had to be stopped immediately. "You, what is your name? What is your role in this Division?" She glared at him, daring him to give her the opportunity to sting him.

Instead of giving the rude response she expected, the man straightened and said, "I am the 10th seat of 11th Division. My name is Moto Yano."

This man was a 10th seat? Obviously with delusions of grandeur or the faint hope with 4 of his superior officers away he may have the chance to seize power. Not that it was likely. Zaraki was not a weak opponent. "As 10th seat you should be calming matters, not causing further dissension," she hissed. This man reminded her or Omeada, lazy and wishing for more power than he was capable of handling.

A dull red flush rose in the man's face. "I'm just saying what everyone is thinking," obviously a weak attempt at justification. "What's wrong with the truth?"

Funny version of the truth and Soi was gratified that a number of people near to the man drew away slightly, as if trying to indicate they didn't support his views or his words.

"It's partial truth at best. Shut up Yano. You've been spouting off all day about how we should get the 12th. I tried to tell you before but you kept babbling on like the loud mouthed prat you are," a new voice broke in, gruffly. "I'm pleased to see you well, Lieutenant. I did not mean anything by what I said in front of your husband. You are a very beautiful woman and I was drunk; alcohol causes me to lose my inhibitions. My name is Arai Hisao. As 9th seat I should have displayed more respect. I've always admired you and I applaud my Captain's taste in his bride. I am here to obey your orders, as my Captain commanded me in punishment for my disrespect."

The 9th seat seemed more sensible than his subordinate, but was he?

"I wished I had that punishment, I'd make the most of it," Moto said with a lascivious look on his face. Moments later he was sprawled on the ground, a sharp rabbit punch delivered by Hisao to his stomach.

Soi almost felt disappointed. She'd been planning to mince the man and then reduce him to his composite parts.

"I told you to shut up. The Lieutenant does not deserve your vulgar comments," Hisao said very firmly. "Captain Zaraki will not be pleased."

Matsumoto was desperately trying not to smile as she told Hisao, "I'm sure my husband has relieved you of your responsibility…"

The man cut in, with an amount of deference that had been sorely lacking in the 10th seat. "There has not been the time. I am here to follow your instructions until my Captain returns and orders me otherwise. Instruct me."

The 10th Division lieutenant looked bemused for a moment, as if trying to find the words which might produce the most effect. Her words, however, astonished Soi. "Could you organise some drills, exercise, weapon making, and physical activity? Give your people something constructive to do. We'll need everyone to be at their best if the Arrancar attack again and everyone relies on the 11th for their strength."

She was thinking! Not only about her looks and her passion for her husband, but acting in the manner most Captains would wish their lieutenants to act if they were not there. Not only providing instructions, disguised as suggestions, but also complimenting the Division. Clever and more subtle than expected.

A look of disgust passed over Hisao's face and at first Soi thought he might respond in a dismissive manner. "We've tried to do that but our 10th seat did not seem pleased with the suggestion. Funny how important he thought he was with a bit of backing from like minded idiots.

"He tried contradicting every order or saying we didn't have the authority," another man said. "I'm 8th seat, Kye Ishi, " he turned to the hapless 10th seat with a smile curving the edges of his mouth. It was quite threatening. "I have an idea Moto. Seeing you have so many ideas, why don't you work out a way of repairing those weapons that have been broken recently? It's a messy, hard job, but you keep saying it would take a lot of imagination to fix them. What do you think Hisao?"

The 9th seat smiled coldly and nodded. "Couldn't have thought of a better idea, Kye. Get to it Moto. Do any of your supporters want to help? Funny, they all seem to have faded away."

The situation and atmosphere had changed substantially since they arrived. Instead of being close to turmoil, 11th Division was being restored to order. Perhaps the scowling Moto had been made a focus of the trouble, but there was no doubt he had contributed to the fermenting problems that lay behind the reasons for the lockdown. It amused Soi to see a silent man escort the 10th seat to his task seeming intent on making certain that he followed orders. When Zaraki returned she might recommend he review his seated officers and identify those who were troublemakers.

Like her lieutenant.

The thought intruded before she had a chance to bask in any comparison between their two Divisions. Maybe the problems in her Division were not solely Oemeada's responsibility. When she had time, a full review was a priority.

"He's so quiet and obedient when the Captain's here. I thought he was hiding his nature and I was right. We've got a lot of nasty tasks for him to do that should keep him busy. He kept contradicting me and reminding everyone how I disgraced myself," Hisao was quite conversational. Was he always this talkative or trying to talk himself out of a bad situation? "With Ikkaku and Yumichika absent, he was beginning to disrupt everything. I wonder if he'll be stupid enough to challenge the Captain for his position when he returns, like he said he would. "

Soi almost laughed at the idea and planned to be present if that happened. It might prove amusing and educational.

"I think I'll mention it to the Captain. There's no way he could win." Hisao's smile conveyed a sense of amusement at the prospect of that battle.

The 9th seat said something before Soi could respond and she was pleased by the deference he showed."By the way, Captain, I hope that the Lieutenant will still spend each night in the Captain's house. He'll be pissed if he came back and found she'd gone back to the 10th."

Why were sleeping arrangements important? Where the woman slept mattered little, but a reply might prevent further discussion. "I will arrange it so that she may sleep here. She will need to be guarded at all times."

Another man who'd been silent until now said firmly, "Good. We'll get these lazy buggers working hard. If they're busy they'll talk less. Let's hope the lockdown is up soon. Trying to keep this bunch occupied won't be easy."

While they seemed ready to get the men working, she decided to add a little incentive. "Make certain they are not allowed an idle moment. I, or another Captain will check in later. Lieutenant, come with me."

Making a quick decision she led the way to 1st Division. It had been her intention to take Matsumoto to 10th Division but upon consideration it seemed imperative for the third and fifth seat of 11th Division to be released as soon as possible. While a level of calm existed at present, the disruptive elements were still there and likely to attempt again to any level of power possible while the strongest and most able officers were absent.

Almost as if she was having similar thoughts, Matsumoto spoke with a fair amount of authority as if well acquainted with the situation, "I think it's a bad idea to keep the 11th under lockdown, especially with that trouble maker. They'd be more useful maintaining the borders of Soul Society and the Seireitei. They could watch for incursions from the Hollows or Arrancar and they'd be on full alert, not thinking about revenge."

No doubt, making the men work on something which required vigilance and attention was a better use of their time and limited talent while this threat continued. It was the right thing to do, taking this woman with her when she went to confront the Old Man. Until now he'd shown no inclination to listen to Soi, but maybe the two of them might manage to sway the man.

Toshiro was trying not to think of anything. Nothing. There was no reason to think as he had taken an action which could lead to either disaster or delight and right now he was confident it was disaster.

No matter how much effort he put into the letter or any words or sentiments expressed, if Soi was inclined to hate him, he couldn't change it. He'd made mistakes and when he received the torn up pieces of his letter, a brutal written response, a life ending hornet sting, a non-committal response he might be able to put it behind him. Move on. Find someone else.

Contemplating a positive answer was a waste of time. There was no chance Soi might have softened toward him. Their 'relationship' had begun as a trade, sex for protecting Momo. Not really sex. Frustrating time spent with a woman who wanted pleasure and was prepared to give nothing except for fulfilling the terms of their bargain. There was no possibility a good outcome might eventuate from such a weighted beginning. She'd had all the power and he'd felt like and been treated like a serf.

The resentment flared again and once more he pushed it away. They'd moved past the unequal part, for such a brief time. It might have worked if he kept his mouth shut, or used his brain before saying anything, but he hadn't, he didn't and it happened.

The motivating force to contact her was of course the result of hearing of Momo's engagement. He was a free man with no woman having expectations of him, aside from Matsumoto, and maybe Momo to some extent.

Who was he trying to fool as he wasn't having any luck lying to himself?

The main thing on his mind returned to irritate him.

How long did it take to read a letter?

If she read the letter.

Would she read the letter?

Matsumoto might encourage her to read it.

He almost laughed at the idea. Soi following advise provided by his lieutenant. Was it likely?

This strange position of both wishing to receive an answer and fearing it at the same time made him twitchy. Hanging around 4th Division awaiting another attempt on Momo's life was boring. He was forced to acknowledge that he was bored, now. The lockdown virtually guaranteed no further attempts on her life. All this waiting made him think of the work waiting for his attention and other elements of his life which were on hold.

For too long it seemed his life had been on hold. Events happening all around him over which he had no control which influenced his life and his ability to act and it was beginning to irritate him. No, he was way past the beginning and the irritation. He was annoyed, angry at the way he had to wait and consider and wait some more and wait longer. Waiting was over-rated. All it meant was anticipating a result which might never happen, or if a result did happen, it was often very disappointing.

Which turned his mind back to thinking about any possible response from Soi. A negative answer was expected, but ultimately if he received one there was no doubt he'd be disappointed. Very disappointed.

If by any chance something favourable happened, it might not be enough and again disappointment. Honesty compelled him to admit while he expected a less than positive response, he hoped she might be swayed by his letter and some finer feelings which might exist.

He bit his lip, wanting to move, do something, anything to stop brooding. If he were anything like Zaraki he'd look for a fight to pass the time. Even if he found a fight he doubted he'd enjoy it unless he found a person who would provide a serious challenge.

He decided to talk to Shunsui. Maybe the older Captain could distract him with stupid discussions about love, women, sake and sex.

* * *

A.N.

Rumours of my death are exaggerated.

The delay was unavoidable and the reasons are many.

Soundtrack

'Army of Me' Bjork

'Shallow Life' Lacuna Coil

'Exclude' Moi Dis Mois

'Desperate but not Serious' Adam and the Ants

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	42. Lovers Division

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. Most of the characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Lovers Division **

Soi walked, not certain if the lieutenant would follow her, but intent on her destination and making her thoughts on how matters had been handled very plain.

"I think it's a bad idea to keep the 11th under lockdown, especially with that trouble maker. They'd be more useful maintaining the borders of Soul Society and the Seireitei. They could watch for incursions from the Hollows or Arrancar and they'd be on full alert, not thinking about revenge." Matsumoto stunned Soi by speaking to her so clearly and without any sign of fear.

She stopped and looked at the woman who bit her lip, suddenly appearing uncertain of herself. From confident to concerned within minutes. Was she so unused to expressing her opinion or was it she worried no one would listen to her, or mock her words?

In an effort to provide some support for her reasonable suggestions, Soi replied, "I will inform the Captain-General of your suggestion. I agree that the borders need to be carefully patrolled at this time. Normally, Divisions are kept here, but if we can at least entrust the 11th Division with manning the walls and especially providing support for the gate guards of the Seireitei our security will be increased."

The woman was quiet and didn't respond. Was she shocked, or did she genuinely have nothing else to add?

They continued walking, and despite everything she'd promised herself she found she was asking, "Did your Captain look well?"

The women turned looked at her and answered with a questioning look in her eyes, "Actually the last time I saw him he looked relieved. Iemura had just asked Momo to marry him."

"Iemura? From 4th Division? He is going to marry Momo Hinamori?" She hadn't noticed she'd stopped walking. She didn't wish to admit that there may have been a tinge of hope in her voice. The news astonished her and the slight thrill that sang in her heart had to be squashed.

Shrugging Zaraki's wife replied, "They haven't asked for permission, yet. He's promised to take care of her and the child."

Soi lost control of her facial expressions for once. It was impossible to hide her joy, but she hoped it wasn't that obvious.

Matsumoto continued, after looking at Soi intently, "My Captain is relieved. He'd asked me if he should offer to marry Momo and I told him it was a bad idea. A marriage based on pity is a bad idea."

Soi frowned. That seemed odd. For most of this time she'd thought Toshiro was in love with Momo, a love thwarted by her obsession over Aizen. "Pity? Not love?"

Matsumoto nodded and said with a great amount of honesty, "He loves her as a friend, but he was only thinking about marrying her because he felt sorry for her. He's always been overprotective of Momo."

Soi tried hard not to scowl as she spoke. Overprotective seemed too simple for the way most people treated Momo. "As have many people. And you forgave her even though she tried to kill you." It was hard to keep the surprise out of her voice.

It was hard for her to comprehend forgiving anyone, least of all a friend who tried to murder her. Yoruichi had fought her, but not sought her death. If Soi wasn't able to forgive enemies for their natural inclination to end her life, how could she understand forgiving someone who was meant to be a friend? Yet, she'd forgiven Yoruichi. How could she withhold forgiveness from her beautiful goddess?

Matsumoto's face took on a sad and compassionate expression. The woman genuinely felt sympathy for the silly fool. "She'd lost everything. She adores Captain Aizen and can't accept he deserted her, or what he did to me. When she heard that he'd ordered Gin to come after me and not her, I think that hurt the most. It's almost like Aizen discovered all her little dreams and has set out to crush them, one by one. Toshiro told me not to trust pity, but I feel so sorry for Momo and guilty."

The woman felt guilty? Her friend tried to kill her and she felt guilty? Once again Soi recognised she didn't understand people, and women were more difficult to understand than men. "Why do you feel guilty?"

The answer was quickly given. "Because when Zaraki returns I'll have everything I want," as a soppy look appeared.

The woman seemed to display increasing obsession every time she talked about her husband. How could one man mean so much? "The return of a man will make you happy?"

"Not just him. I have my friends, my Division, Captain Hitsugaya and everything that's ahead of me. But I miss my husband." Was the woman protesting too much? Her husband, her friends, her life were important.

Suddenly Soi wished her friend, Retsu was there. And that she was at least on speaking terms with Toshiro. Rather than think these melancholy thoughts, she decided to change the topic of conversation to one which was at least more comfortable and was something she'd wondered for some time.

"Don't you aspire to bankai, to become a captain of your own Division?"

The startled look on the woman's face showed she hadn't expected that question and the answer shocked Soi. "And have to do all the paperwork? There's so much responsibility in being a captain. You've got to think of your Division and monitor what's going on. There are so many rules, people watch you all the time and there's all the politics."

All this was true, but didn't everyone want power? "But you naturally slipped into the command role when we visited 11th Division," she commented, "and your comments about keeping them busy show's a Captain's knowledge and responsibility."

Matsumoto's face went carefully blank and she seemed to be thinking before she answered. She shrugged and said, "I've watched Captain Hitsugaya and other captains. I tried to think what they would do and what Zaraki would want. It wasn't anything."

Only half the question was answered. The woman didn't want to be a captain, yet there was the other matter. "But bankai?"

"My Captain tried to help. It didn't. I'm no closer to bankai than I was a year ago." A short reply and it seemed odd. Soi couldn't decide if the woman was upset over her failure, or pleased. Either way, it appeared she might be hiding something.

There was a pause and finally Matsumoto added "I was working on it." She seemed to be embarrassed by the admission.

"I think I could help you," she hadn't anticipated making the offer, but everyone needed to improve their abilities, especially now.

The look of shock on the woman's face amused Soi. Until now, it seemed Matsumoto had very carefully maintained control over her expression. There was no denying she was pleased at the suggestion.

"My Zanpakuto is closer in spirit to yours than your Captain's. You need to understand your potential. After we visit the Old Man, we'll work together for a time," she sighed, her eyes becoming clouded with memories. "I recall working with Yoruichi and how she helped me." She shook off the memory. "But that was long ago."

They walked toward 1st Division again. The walk was quiet while Soi wondered about the letter. Would it contain any revelations, or was it a request they become friends. She didn't want to be friends, not anymore, unless it meant friends who ...

She killed the thought before it could lead to any idle fancies or whims. The meeting ahead was important and the distraction of Toshiro was something she didn't want or need. Time enough to think about it afterward. She even tried to stifle any wash of anticipation as that too led to problems with concentration.

To her surprise Captain Yamamoto agreed to see them. As usual he remained seated while she talked, offering neither refreshment or the offer of a seat. Straightening her back she began. "11th Division are not reacting well to lockdown."

"I didn't do it for their entertainment," Captain Yamamoto replied.

"Trouble is brewing. For the moment it is under control, but these people are used to physical activity and constantly working otherwise they start drinking and get into fights."

"Even when they are not under lockdown they drink and get into fights," was the pointed response.

She nodded in agreement, but then proposed Matsumoto's idea. "The 10th Division lieutenant suggested they be put on patrol, accompanied by members of my Division to make certain no further trouble arises. We don't know what Aizen is planning, or if there will be other incursion or attempted abductions. Vigilance is important."

"No. If I release the 11th Division from lockdown, it will be seen as favouritism. To be fair to all would require lockdown be lifted from all the Divisions. I am not prepared to do this."

"The problem has been resolved. Lieutenant Matsumoto is well and Lieutenant Hinamori is now in her right mind and will not attempt any further attacks."

The Old Man thinned his lips and looked dour. "No."

"Captain, we need to be at full strength. If we cease the lockdown and make certain all Divisions are busy at all times there will be no further issues. Make them train. Patrol. Anything, but this inaction will be our undoing."

"Prove it."

"Why does she have to prove anything?" Matsumoto burst out. "It's silly."

Soi smiled briefly and added, "I have an undertaking from both 10th and 11th Division that they will take no further action, provided they are released from lockdown." It was a small lie, but easily fixed.

"If you do not accept, I will withdraw my Division from further participation as is my right."

A small stunned silence followed her announcement.

"You are forcing my decision, Captain, and I do not appreciate being dictated to by a subordinate."

Soi bowed and said, "I can understand your position, Commander-General, but these are unusual times."

"I agree on the condition you will be held responsible for any problems arising from this. Do you understand my meaning?"

Pleased at the concession, Soi nodded. "Fully. A Captain is always responsible for the actions of her Division, further responsibilities do not bother me."

"I will place an interim commanding officer in charge of 12th Division. Someone from outside."

It seemed fair as Akon was now held in a cell and the chain of command was not clear. Soi guessed his next pronouncement and interjected before he said it.

"I would also like 10th Division to work with mine, providing information about how to fight the Arrancar." She kept her tone firm and forbidding. "I am certain that if we train together we will increase our abilities and as Captain Hitsugaya and the lieutenant have experience with the Arrancar in both the human world and here, their input will be invaluable, Sir."

Captain Yamamoto opened his mouth to protest, but before he could speak she made her final demand.

"You will also release Ikkaku Madarame and Yumichika Ayasegawa. I will take the lieutenant to see them so they can be assured she is well and she can reassure them. They were, after all, only carrying out their Captain's orders to protect his wife. You can punish them after this is over, if you must, but the 11th need them." This was essential as it was obvious to her the Division needed firm leadership in the current situation.

"Request denied!"

He was stern in his refusal, but this was too important to permit him to make the wrong decision.

"You must listen. Discipline is declining rapidly in the Division and there are a few troublemakers who are already causing more dissension. If the 3rd and 5th seat are there they will keep the rabble-rousers busy."

Surely he must see the sense of her request. On many occasions during the Captains meetings he'd made it clear to Zaraki his Division required firm leadership. He'd emphasised the importance of discipline and indicated that unless matters improved he might take a more personal interest. Was he deliberately choosing to forget?

"I would remind you, Captain Fong, that yesterday these men tried to kill a senior officer. They would have succeeded if Captain Hitsugaya, Lieutenant Izuru and Captain Kyoraku weren't there, guarding both lieutenants, without my permission or knowledge. If Captain Hitsugaya had been with his Division they may not now be under lockdown." Why did the Old Man have to be so difficult?

Why? Because he was a man and men hated to listen to advice, especially if it was good advice or it originated from a woman. Yet, perhaps she wasn't being fair. This particular male didn't appreciate advice from anyone.

Soi suppressed a groan which ended up sounding as if she were contradicting him. "And Momo might be dead. Release both men or expect consequences, worse than those I have threatened previously. Put some of your own men to watch them if you must, but they're needed. I warn you, Captain Yamamoto." It pleased her that her voice sounded firm and authoritative.

He opened his eyes and she saw a flash of anger. The man hated being contradicted, warned or even listening to another person's advice. Well, too bad for him.

"Sir, please. Their Captain has given them orders to be with me at all times if I'm not with another Captain. I'll make them promise not to hurt Momo." Matsumoto spoke before the Old Man could reply, her tone gentle and persuasive.

"You are not the first two to make these demands," said the Old Man grumpily. He rubbed his chin, thoughtfully and then looked at Soi, a meaningful expression on his features. This did not bode well. Each time she'd seen the expression it had meant some new difficulty. "I'll agree to release these men on a number of conditions to which they must agree. Captain Fong, you will have your people monitoring them at all times and there will be a cost to you which we will discuss now. Lieutenant, leave us. Wait outside."

This was something Soi had been waiting for. He was preparing to make additional demands and add conditions, making everything unworkable. She needed a witness and for some reason she found Matsumoto' s support reassuring.

Once more she needed to be firm and decisive or all the effort so far expended might well be wasted. "No. She remains. I make no deals. You need to do this for the good of the Seireitei and the Gotei 13, which you created," leaning forward for emphasis, she tried to look into his eyes. "Think on this. I can reverse Captain Shihoin's decision regarding my Division."

The threat was real. Her special position within the Seireitei had one difference to all the others. When 2nd Division was created, the position of Captain was designated to be filled by members of the Shihoin clan only. Soi had often wondered why none of Yoruichi's family had challenged her appointment to the Captaincy. As she was also the Commander of the Secret Corps and administered the Maggots Nest, among other responsibilities, many of her duties were autonomous and functioned outside the rules normally placed on other Divisions.

In other words, she could administer the Special Forces wholly at her own discretion, without reference to the Captain-Commander, or so she believed. He would lose the additional sources of information she supplied and other valuable infrastructure and knowledge.

Staring at Yamamoto, determination etched firmly on her features, she waited for his response. There was the possibility he might consider her threat was pure bluff, but she knew it wasn't. Recent events had caused her to question where her loyalty should be directed and this man's actions were on the point of estranging her completely.

As expected, the man searched her face, while attempting to appear calm and in control of the situation. She didn't lower her eyes, instead staring at him, ready to meet any challenge he issued to her. His reiatsu pushed at her, trying to sway her in some way, but she stood firm and pushed back with her own. No man would best her, not now, not ever.

It almost seemed an impasse, but she sensed a softening as he gauged her determination and an expression, almost of respect, crossed his face and he emitted a sharp bark of laughter and nodded. "I have no doubt that you would do that, Commander. We will have our reckoning after this crisis is over."

Was this a win? For the present she had prevailed, but of course the threat she'd made was too important to overlook. At least he was prepared to wait until the looming threats were neutralised, however long that might be and assuming the Seireitei existed. It might happen, it might never happen, but if the two senior Eleventh Division men weren't released now, none of them might be there to help with the inevitable battle.

Nodding curtly, Soi turned on her heel and said over her shoulder, "Issue the command to release the 3rd and 5th seat. We will explain matters to them and escort them to their Division."

Her own bravery impressed her and she automatically straightened her shoulders as she prepared to leave the room, but Yamamoto had to have the final word.

"You can wait. I will speak to them first and explain the conditions for their release, then you may escort them."

Always exerting his authority. At least he'd agreed to the release and arguing with him over a small matter might cause him to change his mind. Deciding to agree, she tried to make it appear it suited her plans.

"Very well. We'll go and reassure the 10th Division of their lieutenant's survival and then we will return," her voice was clear and firm and she left the room, hoping that the Tenth Division Lieutenant had the sense to follow without prompting.

Soi hadn't realised how fast she was walking until she heard the sound of sandals slapping against the ground as the woman ran to catch up with her. She slowed slightly and wasn't terribly surprised when the woman began to ask a question, by not asking. "Captain, I won't ask why you are angry with Captain Yamamoto."

There were so many reasons, but it was futile to outline them. "Good, because I will not answer that question. I can't," she said trying to curb the anger which seemed eager to find an outlet.

"But what did you mean about 2nd Division?" So much for hoping that the woman wouldn't ask any further questions. Were all women this curious, or just Matsumoto? None of her subordinates questioned her to this extent, until recently. What had changed? Was it her, or the way people saw her, or the whole set of events which had led them to this time?

In the heat of the moment she'd said something which should have never been said in front of a witness, but it was too late now. She would appeal to the woman to keep it quiet. "I should have said the Special Forces under my command, not the whole Division," sighing angrily she pushed at her hair. "I was too angry to think the threat through correctly. Like most men he can be so stubborn and it infuriates me that he…" Before she could say anything more she stopped and took a deep breath and swallowed. Another near accident with words. "I can't really carry out the threat unless I receive the full backing of the Shihoin clan. The Special Forces, which include the Punishment Division, the Executive Militia and the Patrol Corps, traditionally answer to the head of the Shihoin clan, not the Captain of the 2nd Division. I was merely reminding Captain Yamamoto of this. The control of these elite forces should have reverted back to the family when Yoruichi left, but it was considered an imposition on the people already shamed by her defection."

Why had she explained? It was too late to take back the words, and she noticed the woman seemed both impressed and shocked at her explanation. She watched expressions pass across the lieutenant's face until it took on that longing unfocused expression it had when she thought of her husband. Now might be the time to administer a warning, while she was open.

"I am very serious, so think before you question me. It would be wise to leave the matter there, Lieutenant," she said.

A quick nod showed the woman understood, but of course the questions didn't cease. The one good factor was she changed the subject. "Why are you escorting me?"

Once more anger surged through Soi. Her Division, her Special Forces had failed. The Seireitei had been infiltrated despite their heightened alert status. Had her words to her subordinates been wasted? Her urging of them to be extra cautious and vigilant, or had everyone relaxed thinking that a wedding celebration wouldn't be interrupted? The stigma of her Division's failure might never be expunged and her pride wounded as a result. "You were abducted when you were meant to be under my protection and I feel responsible. I hate it when any of my people fail. I am accountable."

To her surprise, Matsumoto shook her head, as if denying her words, but she didn't permit her to speak. It didn't matter what she said or thought. It was her shame and couldn't be denied. Instead, Soi changed the subject. "Captain Hitsugaya is staying at 4th Division in case another attempt is made on Lieutenant Hinamori's life, or so I have been informed." Still protecting Momo. Always protecting Momo. "The news about Hinamori's engagement changes nothing. People may still wish to see her die, especially as the identity of the father of her child is now widespread. I promised Kenpachi that I would protect you if Tos… Captain Hitsugaya was unavailable, or if anything happened to Madarame or Ayasegawa. It seemed unlikely at the time, but he was in earnest." She'd failed Kenpachi once and a second failure was unthinkable. Then she admitted another reason which felt like it was being wrenched from her and her cheeks flushed as she remembered that night when she had sought comfort and been gently deflected. "Also you never mentioned my mistake, to anyone. Captain Unohana approves of you and as I value her judgement I have decided to overlook our history."

The woman's eyes widened slightly and she nodded and then shook her head as if confused about the correct response. Soi began to walk toward 11th Division again and Matsumoto followed. Too much had been said and revealed and she felt uncomfortably vulnerable. How much had she exposed, how many of her emotions had she unwillingly displayed.

A quiet voice broke through her thoughts. "I decided to forget about it. I've made so many mistakes that I'd forgotten other people make then too. You could have used your position to make my life difficult, but you didn't. Anyway, Zaraki distracted me."

Did this mean that if Kenpachi hadn't come into the woman's life she might have said something, but she's already stated she knew it was a mistake and people made mistakes. It appeared she was expressing compassion and consideration and again she reassessed the woman she'd dismissed so easily before this series of events. Light headed and hearted, not a fitting lieutenant as she seemed too intent on drinking, having fun and men. Now all those beliefs were being questioned the more she learnt.

Rather than say anything, Soi nodded in reply, not daring to look at the woman.

"Captain, I promise that that incident will never be mentioned to anyone." There was sincerity in the words, but why believe anyone? Yoruichi had told her she loved her and then left her.

This woman wasn't Yoruichi and now she knew there was love after disappointment. She said, "I will kill you if you do, " but relief made her smile. If they understood each other, they could move on and the incident might be forgotten, especially if the woman was reunited with her husband.

The woman responded with a gentle but amusing reminder. "Zaraki won't like it if you kill me."

Soi nearly laughed. Who knew conversations could be so amusing? However she sobered as she recalled how quickly the situation might have deteriorated. "No. He won't like it if he can see any sign of harm. It's good for all of us that Toshiro acted so quickly and no damage is perceivable. Hanatoro, for all he acts like a fool, can repair most physical damage." Examining Matsumoto, it wasn't possible to detect any visible signs of the damage inflicted on her by Momo's blade.

Briefly she wondered why a member of 12th Division wanted the 11th Division's lieutenant dead, unless it was to cause the problems they were currently facing. But why Matsumoto? it had been a attack directed only at her and it was obviously planned. The strangest part was Akon usually didn't act unless it was at the direction of his Captain. Why did Kurotsuchi want the woman dead? What deep seated hatred drove him?

There was no answer as it appeared her companion was lost in thought. The silence suited Soi as there was a great amount to think about and not all of it pleasant.

For some reason as they neared the Division she recalled how they had prepared sushi for the wedding feast. She'd even tried some and found it to be palatable. The thought of Toshiro preparing food amused her but she wondered if anyone found it amusing she'd assisted in the preparation of ramen. Her lieutenant had eventually been forcibly evicted from the kitchen as he'd insisted on tasting everything and then eaten most of the first attempts. A taster they didn't need. Otherwise he'd been in the way of the people working, providing useless advice. Obviously the man didn't know how to cook and now Soi knew he'd never needed to even think about making his own food. Her lips thinned as she thought about him, but then remembered the camaraderie which had grown between those who were cooking. It may have been a catalyst for the women seeking to talk to her about the problems they were experiencing with him. Rather than continue the line of thought she said, "This shouldn't take long. I don't think you'll be required to make sushi or ramen. You are here to provide reassurance that you are alive and without any visible damage."

Without meaning to she muttered under her breath, "Lockdown is a real pain in the craw. Three divisions locked down at the same time are almost beyond our resources to maintain. If the Old Man doesn't listen to me, things will get dangerous."

The astonished look showed she'd spoken louder than she's planned. "But I thought 10th wasn't under lockdown anymore because they will be training with your Division." Matsumoto protested.

The conversation with Yamamoto had not been clear, now she thought about it. She was used to dealing with him and how he expressed himself. "You weren't listening, or maybe you don't understand the bargain. 10th Division will be allowed to leave, but only in the company of members of my Division. In other words, they are guarded at all times, but allowed more freedom of movement. Toshiro should be here, not skulking around Lieutenant Hinamori. He takes loyalty too far." Why was she thinking about the woman again? Momo was engaged but it seemed Toshiro was as devoted as ever.

The response thankfully interrupted her thoughts. "Without his loyalty I'd be either dead or badly injured. If you ever take the time to get to know him, Captain Fong, I'm sure you'll like him. You have a lot in common. "He can relax sometimes and even make jokes."

Did the woman know something? It seemed she did as she was providing information about her Captain and his friend. Not knowing what to do, she considered Matsumoto's words. Toshiro making jokes? Memories of some of the absurd situations in which they'd found themselves made her smile. The stupid things he'd said, the near escapes when they'd accidentally met in the linen room. It was absurd. Everything was ridiculous. Her smile turned into laughter and she tried to prevent it from escaping. How could she explain her laugher as it only made sense to her? She felt the woman's eyes on her and wondered how she'd react.

"He can be fun," Matsumoto insisted, her voice rising slightly as if disturbed by her suppressed laughter.

Taking a deep breath she managed to quell the amusement. "I'm not doubting you Lieutenant; it's just I've never heard you speak about your Captain like that. I haven't heard anyone tell me he has a sense of humour." It was hard to stop smiling or keep the amusement out of her voice. She knew Toshiro could be fun and amusing and amusing and angry. She missed it.

More protests followed. "Captain Hitsugaya works very hard and most people treat him like an infant. I don't think that's fair." Until now she hadn't realised how very fond the lieutenant was of her captain. There were deep feelings of friendship there and she was glad. It made her aware that Toshiro was capable of rousing emotions in others which indicated care and concern for his welfare.

However, one particular comment amused her even more. She certainly hadn't treated him as an infant. Infants were not suitable sexual partners and he'd proven a certain talent in that direction. "I don't treat him like an infant." Immediately she worried she'd revealed too much. The next questions indicated it was indeed possible.

"Can you tell me if there's anything I should know about? New relationships? Why Rukia delayed her wedding to Renji?" Interesting questions, especially about the relationship between the Kuchiki female and her brother's lieutenant.

How could she answer? The reason presented for the delay had raised more questions. It had seemed likely the marriage would take place before this ill planned excursion to the Arrancar stronghold, but it hadn't happened. Gazing into the distance, she frowned. So many relationships had formed so suddenly. It didn't seem natural. What could she say without revealing anything?

A non-answer was the best solution. "Many things have happened but most of them I cannot discuss. You will find out; depending on how matters progress."

Before any more difficult questions were asked, Soi was relieved to see they had arrived. Quickly she changed the topic. "Let's get this over with." Leading the way she walked to the place which had been purposely set up for this. If people couldn't see their lieutenant, it would be more difficult to convince them she was alive and well. Waiting for silence she scanned the crowd to make certain there were no threats. "Your Lieutenant is here and well, as you can see. Her injuries were minor and she is fully recovered and able to resume duty."

The expected calling of questions prevented her from saying anything further and she listened to what was being asked, or what she could make out.

"Let her speak for herself!"

"Where's Captain Hitsugaya? He should be here."

"Lieutenant, can you stop the lockdown?"

"Is Momo dead? I hope she is."

Soi shot a quick look at the last person who spoke. While she shared the sentiment, even thinking about Momo still aroused her irritation. How could Toshiro failed to recognise her flaws? "Lieutenant Hinamori is recovering and Captain Hitsugaya is on guard to prevent any further attacks. Your attitude does you no service."

The man who spoke didn't appreciate the reprimand but he muttered "Sorry," with bad grace.

Now that was explained, the rest of the instructions had to be delivered. "Once I clear it with your Captain you will be working with my Division to prepare for battle with the Arrancar, Hollows and traitors."

The expected ruckus followed the words and Soi decided to wait until the Division expressed their outrage/concern/interest or whatever emotion her words created. There was time, but she still dearly wished to read the letter Toshiro had written. Her hand slipped into her pocket where the letter rested and the act of simply touching it made her impatient to get this finished, make the Old Man release the 11th Division Officers and get all this out of the way.

She wanted to read the letter. Was it one worth reading? Why had Toshiro written it now? Had he written it before or after he discovered Momo was engaged and no longer required him to step in and play the role of husband? Or had he been considering severing their relationship formally, by letter?

Now she'd thought about the letter, after denying its existence, the urge to read it and know its contents consumed her, but her work required her attention. Once she'd managed to get the lockdown situation resolved, then she could read it. She tried to force any thoughts of the letter out of her mind, instead concentrating on the events in front of her.

"You are still under lockdown and your actions will be monitored, but it will give you more freedom of movement. If merely one of you acts in a manner that causes complaint, the whole division will be returned to full lockdown, without privileges."

Blessed silence followed. Why she didn't know, but it was better than the recurrent noise which had accompanied each of her announcements. Finally one lone voice spoke.

"Will you be staying here with us, Lieutenant?" At last, a sensible question and Soi decided it was best if Matsumoto answered it.

"No. I have something I have to do. I'll be back later, but please don't try to hurt Lieutenant Hinamori. She is Captain Hitsugaya's friend and he would be annoyed if she was injured." She smiled gently as she spoke, but the hint of reproach in her words made a few member of the Division look at the ground and shuffle their feet in shame. Who could have guessed her simple words delivered gently might have more effect than a forceful statement delivered by a Captain? Soi again considered the woman seriously. She had so much potential but was too lazy to use it.

One person clearly remained unimpressed, but not willing to reveal their identity as the voice was disguised. "You'd think he'd be more upset that his lieutenant was attacked and nearly killed."

Soi waited for the answer, wondering if the lieutenant would once more manage to make her case clearly and simply. "He is upset and he's the one who saved me."

"Remember, comments like that will keep us under lockdown," the woman who'd asked if Matsumoto was remaining added. These two women were obviously friends and Soi guessed they could be formidable when they worked together. Toshiro had some very good officers working for him.

The desire to read the letter clawed at her and this discussion was over. She wanted to go, now. "I will return your lieutenant in a while."

Her hand still rested on the letter as they left the Division.

* * *

A.N.

Finally finished it. Didn't think it would happen, but made some time while hiding from family, friends and other demands.

This chapter is dedicated to DN. Thank you.

Soundtrack

'Falling Hard' The Crystal Method

'Locking Down (Dead Guy's Mix)' Chicane

'Cusum Perficio' Enya

'Talking with Myself '98 (Canny Remix)' Electribe 101

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	43. Friendly Factions

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. Most of the characters in this story are not mine. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Friendly Factions**

On the return to the Captain-Generals' office, Soi thought hard. The contents of the letter. What were they? Why didn't Lieutenant Rangiku wish for more responsibility or bankai? Why did people seem to care so deeply about her fate? Most of the time she was dismissed as being silly, hedonistic and very casual about her responsibilities and yet Toshiro respected her.

Her recent interaction with the woman indicated there was something more than the flighty female who had close relationships with so many of the senior male members of the Seireitei. There was no doubt that she was pleasing to look at and her very appearance hinted at a deep sensuality, but she was more than her appearance. Was this one of the reasons Zaraki had married her? Aside from his obvious desire for the woman, did he admire her intelligence?

Soi had to suppress a smile. Her thoughts were wrong. Zaraki was the most primitive man she'd encountered, driven only by his lust for fighting, pleasure and drinking. He wasn't a deep thinker and didn't appear to appreciated anything aside from physical drives. And yet...

Once again, perhaps she was mistaken. It was easy to accept the surface people presented and not look any further. If the facade was successful and easy to accept, it made interactions easier.

Matsumoto's voice intruded on her deliberations. "Captain, do you think it might be an idea to send Momo to the human world for a little while? Until this dies down? I feel that she might be safer there."

Momo again. It might have been better if Retsu was not so skilled and Momo had died, but she dismissed the thought. "That girl has put nearly all the Seireitei into an uproar."

"I'm responsible, too," was the surprising reply.

Why did she think she was responsible? All the things which had happened to her were the result of other people's actions, except her entry into the bath house while Zaraki was bathing. Has that one relatively minor event sent all these other events in motion?

"I haven't noticed you attempting to kill a friend recently or falling pregnant to a traitor. It is true that you have been the focus of many of the disturbances since the day before the mission went to the human world. However, there have been other unsettling incidents," Soi didn't wish to continue talking and firmly closed her mouth. Any further discussion might be fruitless.

Entered the 1st Division office Soi felt a sense of relief as she noticed that both Yumichika and Ikkaku were there. Their attitude and expressions made it very clear they were not completely happy with the situation.

"Fuck that for a joke," Ikkaku said loudly as he shook his head. "Not happening. Not in this afterlife or the next."

"I can't," was all Yumichika said and it was obvious he was preventing words from being uttered.

Both men were as tense as Soi had seen them.

"If I release you, you will both have to abstain from alcohol and sexual relations until I am assured that your behaviour will not be repeated," Captain Yamamoto said, revealing he was a killjoy, or at least a prude.

Yumichika glanced around and asked, "Why does it have to be both? Can't it just be one?"

Soi almost smiled. If she had the inclination she might have commenced drinking after Yoruichi left, but instead she'd turned her attention to stricter control over her emotions. then she caught the implications. Did it mean Yumichika was romantically involved? If so, who with, or was he verging on becoming an alcoholic?

"Are you unwilling to give up sex?" she couldn't prevent herself from asking, otherwise she might have spent too much time considering the possibilities.

"Alcohol," he replied, with what appeared to be a great amount of shame.

"You must abstain from both," Captain Yamamoto insisted. "We need to have clear heads and as you will be directing 11th Division with 3rd seat Madarame, I expect you to provide an example. From now until the end of lockdown, the whole of the Seireitei will be dry."

The man was trying to prevent Shinigami from drinking? It was unbelievable and she couldn't stop her harsh laugh. "Hmmm. I remember how well that worked in the human world, in America," she commented dryly. "People became obsessed with obtaining any form of spirit and crime flourished as a result. The experiment was a failure."

"You go too far, Captain Fong." Yamamoto was turning red and it made Soi feel good to get such a strong reaction.

However, he wasn't going to suppress her, "I don't go far enough. You don't consult, you don't listen and you keep secrets. Now you make unreasonable demands."

She glared at her commander and he glared back. The tension in the room rose and Soi wondered if she might soon find herself confined to the 1st Division cells or charged with treason. It didn't concern her too much as she'd known this time might come eventually. No person could live in the world without being accountable.

Matsumoto's voice broke through the tension. Was the woman trying to play peacemaker? "I think the Captain has been working too hard and is tired from today's events. Maybe we could discuss this later."

Irritated, Soi snapped, not meaning to express her frustration at the lieutenant, but at the whole situation. "I'm not tired. I'm furious."

Did she discern a small smug momentary smile cross Yamamoto's face? Was he thinking it was because of the female metabolism? The smile vanished almost as soon as it formed and his normal stern look returned. "We will not converse about this now."

Ikkaku made a gamble by offering, "I'll go without alcohol if Yumichika goes without sex. That do you?"

Of course, it didn't. "No."

It seemed they had reached an impasse until Ikkaku sighed loudly and said, "Release us from lockdown and I'll abstain from both, but only 'til the Captain comes back. I can't see you telling him to refrain from anything again, or if you try he won't listen to you, like last time."

A very strong reminder of how Zaraki handled his Division and any demands placed on him. It seemed Ikkaku was promising repercussions at a later date and Soi wondered if the Seireitei would recover from all these events and ill feeling.

The red in Yamamoto's face grew darker and his expression grim. It must be difficult to handle people who didn't permit you to dictate all their actions, if you felt it was your right. Soi made a decision never to permit that to happen to her, again. Toshiro was a mistake.

"I do not make bargains with underlings. In view of your inability to comply I will return you to the cells and place further restrictions on 11th Division." Bad choice. The situation was deteriorating.

"I don't care what you do." Never had she expected to hear such defeat from a member of 11th Division, or sadness to that depth.

"Lock me up; deprive me of my only solace. It doesn't matter. My Captain won't come back, none of them will, and you'll appoint some wanker to replace him who has no balls or sense of humour. And all the other Captains will marry; all of them, and I won't have anyone. No one will be left for me," was his despairing words. It disturbed her and made her wonder what had caused this level of depression.

Hearing Matsumoto gasp at his words, the quick glance she took of the woman showed how deeply the words affected her. Obviously any consideration her husband would not return was something she was either ignoring or not wishing to accept. She had to say something, anything to prevent the mood in the room deteriorating any further.

Before she had a chance to speak some cobbled together sentiments, Ikkaku intervened. "Oh, stop being such a doom merchant, Yumichika. You were acting like this in the cells and I told you to get over it. Can you imagine anyone defeating our Captain? Why would all the Captain's get married now? Is there a bonus or something?"

Yumichika rubbed his head, trying to soothe the place on his head where Ikkaku had hit him. "It's happened once. Ichigo defeated him. Our Captain married. Others might follow."

Spontaneously, her face flushed as she wondered what marriage to Toshiro might be like. Quickly lowering her head she listened to the rest of the conversation, hoping no one might notice her sudden rise in colour.

"But our Captain got stronger, remember? The last time I fought him he was so freaking dangerous, I almost went b… begging him to stop. So what if everyone gets married?"

The man seemed to be preparing to say something else. Was there a way of altering the subject so that marriage wasn't mentioned every few minutes? Each time it was like a jolt went through her and made her extremely anxious.

"Shut up, both of you," she commanded. "Of the people who went on the mission, I have the most confidence that Captain Zaraki will return. He has more compelling reasons to be victorious and return than ever before." The shot quick looks at each of the people concerned. That should suffice, she hoped.

"You're right. He does and I should never underestimate my Captain. It's just being in a cell makes me brood and I think about stupid things. I agree to your conditions Captain Yamamoto. I'll do what you ask until Captain Zaraki returns. I hope it's soon." Yumichika had brightened slightly.

With a great infusion of melancholy Matsumoto said, "It won't be soon enough for me."

Before she had a chance to stop the next person brooding too deeply Ikkaku remarked, smirking "Yeah. I got that impression."

The look passing between the two indicated a knowledge which Soi did not wish to share or even know existed. Enough secrets were on the verge of being disclosed. Time yet again to change the subject. "Okay, Captain-General, both of them have agreed to those terms. Are there any others?"

Yamamoto made a show of clearing his throat and eventually nodded. "They agreed to the other terms earlier. This was the only sticking point. In this case your word binds you to the agreement. If either of you fail, you will both be returned to your cells and the 11th will revert to full lockdown. Make certain the troublemakers are not patrolling the walls, but kept within your Division doing any menial task you can invent. I expect you both to check in once per day."

Ikkaku almost cut him off, impatiently asking, "Don't push it. We've agreed. Can we go now?"

Soi almost held her breath. The insolence was too obvious. "You may go. I will send further instructions later. One more thing. Captain Fong, you will go to 4th Division and bring Captain Hitsugaya here. He needs to be reminded that his duty is to his Division, the Gotei 13 and me, not his friend."

He never let anything go of which he didn't approve. Fortunately she had turned to leave the room and he couldn't see her roll her eyes to the ceiling. "You could send a Hell Butterfly," she suggested.

Of course, he already had. "He has ignored the Hell Butterflies I've sent and the other messengers. Bring him here."

She nodded and we finally they were free to leave. If she saw the Captain-Commander anytime soon, it might end with further harsh words exchanged.

Barely waiting until they were out of hearing range, Ikkaku began to grumble. "Damn, why did we agree? I hate giving up anything. Now I've got to live like a damned monk until the Captain returns. That will drive me barmy."

Yumichika frowned and Soi looked at him in astonishment. The man rarely employed any facial expression which might mar it's perfection, at least in his eyes. "I'm not happy either. Because if I can't drink, I can't escape the truth, but we had no choice. Captain Zaraki would cut us into miniscule pieces if the Division is a shambles when he returns. I don't want to think about what he'll do when he finds out Ran was hurt. The Captain-General gave us no choice."

So many things to consider. Were both Ikkaku and Yumichika involved in tragic love affairs?

Ikkaku continued grumbling. "We'll have to do something to keep the men occupied. That might help, but they won't like the edict about it becoming dry."

While it was a grumble, it was also a fair observation. "I will try to persuade the stubborn old goa… I mean Captain Yamamoto that this will only cause more problems. It would be more sensible to moderate the supply, cut back a little. We should learn from the mistakes of others, not recreate the same ones. Lieutenant, I want you to come with me to retrieve your Captain."

With so much to occupy their minds, the slip of calling Yamamoto an old goat might be missed.

Matsumoto nodded uncertainly, but it might be due to her mind being on other things.

"Hey, Ran, is it true that twit Hinamori has a bun in the oven and it's Aizen's spawn? The guards were talking about it." The fact Ikkaku asked meant it was general knowledge. How did the guards learn the truth so quickly?

"Yes, but she's going to marry Iemura," was the quiet reply.

Again Soi felt a sense of relief that the woman had agreed to marry even someone as forgettable as Iemura. It didn't mean anything for whatever it was she'd shared with Toshiro. Or did it? She felt a thrill of anticipation when she remembered the letter, but quashed that thought as soon as it blossomed.

Fortunately the noise the two 11th Division officers made with their merriment over the news pushed the thoughts from her mind. Both men were guffawing and appeared to find genuine amusement at the news.

Yumichika was the first to gain some control. "So he finally found someone stupid enough to agree to marry him?" A flask appeared out of his sleeve and Soi wondered how he'd managed to conceal it.

She almost asked him how he had managed it, but Ikkaku laughed and replied, "Yeah, remember the time he asked Isane? She'd been nice to him when he was crying over something and he thought she was interested in him. He ended up in traction for a week."

Matsumoto's face remained grave and she seemed troubled as she said, "I think he cares about Momo; and she was relieved. He was so grateful when Momo accepted. I've never seen him so happy."

There was a brief pause as both Yumichika and Ikkaku became more solemn. "I always thought he liked her, but when Aizen was around there was no chance she'd look at him, or anyone. I don't see her attraction. I prefer woman with a little more character. Women who can fight and don't cave in under pressure. Strong, beautiful women," he said vaguely but then became involved in undoing his flask.

Before he could lift the flask to his lips, Ikkaku grabbed it and fastened it. "No more drinking, Yumichika. I told you to stop when we were in the cells and I still don't know what you said to the guards to get you a refill. If you hadn't been drinking you wouldn't have said what you did when we were with the Old Man. You revealed too much. I told you to get over it."

"I didn't say anything wrong, I was just too honest. That's all. Give it back. It helps take away the pain. It's too late for me, now. She's getting married." Yumichika struggled with his friend trying to retrieve his flask as Soi entered a state of shock. He couldn't mean Momo! Not Momo! Why would he care if she married. Who else was getting married?

Rukia?

No. There was no possibility the esteemed daughter of the noble house, sister to that stuck up Byakuya might set her sights so low as to become involved with a 5th seat. Then she remembered Kiyone. Could Yumichika be in love with her?

Ikkaku was unmoved and put the flask away. "She'll never look at you, now. You're too far below her to even consider. You should have tried for promotion to lieutenant; we know you can rise to that level. We've been over this too many times and I don't want to hear about it again. Forget her and find someone else."

While the conversation was fascinating and she wished to know more, she wanted to read the letter and get this mess finalised. She permitted her normal stern expression to settle on her face. "Work out the problem in your own time. I'm not interested in your love life."

At least she sounded convincing to her own ears.

She caught a quick glance from Matsumoto who seemed to be preparing to continue the conversation, but she swallowed and then asked "May I visit Zaraki's quarters while we're in 11th Division? I need to change."

Another delay? Soi fought to keep the frustration out of her face and voice, "They are now your quarters. I will allow you 10 minutes only," she said as she considered it, but then made a decision. Perhaps it wasn't wise, but the contents of the letter intrigued her. She wanted to know what he had to say. "It will give me time to read the note from your Captain. There may be important information that I should convey to the Captain-General." The last sentence didn't even convince her.

Trying to work swiftly she took the seated officers to talk to their Division. As soon as the 11th Division were alerted to their arrival members flocked to them until they were surrounded. Soi stood back slightly, unwilling to be surrounded by these men again. There was a great amount of exclamation, back slapping, with some bowing, displays of strength and a great amount of swearing and offensive comments. Men had strange ways of bonding or showing concern for each other and Soi was once more grateful she did not have to leave this bunch of testosterone ridden uncontrolled urge ridden men who could barely walk upright without dragging their knuckles on the ground.

Ikkaku answered any questions rapidly while Yumichika looked sick, whether from emotion, lack of sleep or drinking too much wine, Soi couldn't guess. He brightened up as he waspishly replied to some observations.

"Shut up," Ikkaku finally yelled. "If you shut up I'll tell you exactly what is going on and then you can ask questions. Repeating the same thing over and over again is boring, and thirsty work at that."

It took some time for semi-quiet to settle on the men who still murmured and laughed.

Succinctly and without much respect, the third seat outline the situation, including the rules about no alcohol. Loud groans met the news and a few men feigned anger or tears.

"Captain Yamamoto made the decree. We can either accept it and get out of lockdown, or reject it, still not get any alcohol and stay under lockdown. Use your brains for once!" Ikkaku sound exasperated.

"We all need to focus on training and making sure no one gains access to the Seireitei without warning. I'm sure Captain Zaraki will throw a wild party once he gets back and this is all over. You know what his parties are like?" Yumichika added his support.

A roar of approval met the words!

"All you can drink!"

"Loose women!"

"Food, lots and lots of sukiyaki!"

"Shabu Shabu!"

From the comments it seemed the men were prey to all the basic desires and might possibly be swayed by the promise of a good time planned for an uncertain future. Soi wondered how Matsumoto might view the idea of the party, especially the loose women.

At the same time, any woman who accepted an invitation to an 11th Division party might already know what was expected. Hopefully they would or there would be another rash of unexpected pregnancies with unexpected pairings.

Reminded of her own condition, Soi again fingered the paper in her pocket. How much longer would it take before she had the freedom to read the letter? What had Toshiro thought so important he committed it to paper and gave it into the hands of his lieutenant to deliver?

There was more discussion, a few troublemakers raising unnecessary issues and creating arguments. Finally Ikkaku folded his arms and said, "Not up for discussion. This is how it is going to be and anyone who has a problem with it can meet me for a fight tomorrow morning. After being cooped up in a cell, a little light amputation might amuse me." He smiled, baring his teeth and most of the crowd fell silent.

She felt a presence loom next to her and she turned to see who it was. "Thank you Captain Fong," the man whose name she couldn't remember said. "Thank you for bringing back our senior officers. We needed them."

She nodded and quickly spoke to Ikkaku, but before she could finish the sentence she suddenly felt a quasi-familiar reiatsu, one which should not be there, in Zaraki's quarters. Another threat! Moving faster than she knew she entered the house only to witness the fading image of a phantasm fading as Matsumoto slashed at it with a short knife, shock visible on her face. Soi realised she had drawn her zanpakuto, prepared to kill anyone who posed a threat or who might again make others question the vigilance of her Division.

What had happened? She was certain she'd sensed Ichimaru's reiatsu, distorted slightly, but he wasn't here. Had her senses tricked her? Could she trust what she felt or saw?

"I felt that slimy bastard's reiatsu," was her explanation. "It was only a small hint of it, but I couldn't let them do anything to you on my watch. Not again."

The two freed seated officers rushed into the room, blades drawn and menacing expressions visible on their faces. "Are you okay, Ran? We were talking to the Captain and she suddenly dashed off. Yumichika said he thought he felt a traitor's reiatsu, but couldn't tell which." Ikkaku's eyes were sweeping the room , while Yumichika warily moved into another room to check it for any intruders.

Matsumoto sat on the bed looking stunned and her gaze went to something which looked like a rock. Why would anyone keep a rock in their bedroom? She picked it up and stared at it before commenting with a shocked tone, "I thought I saw Gin, but when I cut at him, he vanished like a ghost. He gave me this, years ago, but now it's changed. I've never seen these symbols before."

Yumichika came back into the room and took the rock distastefully but speedily from his Captain's wife. "I think I've seen something like this before. These markings are recent. What do you see, Ikkaku?" He held out the rock to his friend.

Ikkaku seemed reluctant to touch the object, replying, "Don't bother giving it to me. Give it to the Captain. She knows more about these things," as he waved it away.

Soi didn't wish to touch the rock, either but did so, trying not to grimace and examined it as closely as her revulsion permitted. The signs were slightly familiar, and they increased her revulsion. Touching this item made her feel unclean. "I think it's a focus, but I don't know. When he was skulking around the Seireitei, I suppose Ichimaru might have come here as you were occupied in the bathhouse for some time, or even when your possessions were moved here. What its purpose is eludes me. Akon might have some idea. I'll keep this and ask him." Fortunately there was a small bad nearby and with relief she dropped the item into it and placed it in her pocket. She breathed a sigh of relief as the contact was removed.

Akon was the logical choice. At one time she might have approached Tessai as these symbols appeared to invoke one of the forbidden kido's, but he was no longer available. If, as she suspected the origin of the item was from the 12th Division, Akon might be able to provide the information. Even if he was unwilling to assist there were methods which had proven successful in persuading even the most reluctant to talk.

"What makes you think a skunk from that questionable division will help you?" Yumichika sounded disbelieving.

A small smile was permitted in this instance. "Very few people are stupid enough to deny my requests, at least a second time," was all she said as she gave a dismissive glance at the two 11th Division officers. The situation outside was too tense for them to remain for long.

Fortunately Ikkaku caught on before she had to make herself understood by other methods. "Better get back to the men. They'll be wondering what's going on. See you tonight, Ran."

The woman seemed sunk in thought and barely roused herself to answer, "Uh, yeah." She remained sitting, staring at nothing as the men left.

Soi waited, but she still remained silent. "Are you ready to talk to your Captain?" May as well make the woman aware she was keeping others waiting.

Finally her eyes focused on Soi. "Not quite."

Maybe this was the opportunity she was waiting for. While Matsumoto prepared, she could read the note without any observation. Trying to be casual and not interested she said, "I will sit outside and read the note." Did her voice betray her anticipation?

Matsumoto simply nodded and Soi left the room, trying to slow her steps and be calm and not betray her anticipation. The letter. At last she had the chance to read it and possibly gain an understanding of Toshiro's thoughts.

* * *

A.N.

Soundtrack

'You're Free' Yomanda (Yes, the irony factor)

'Waiting' Jimmie's Chicken Shack

'Love, Sex and Money' Gravity Kills

'Arise' E S Posthumous

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.

Happy 2012. If it is anything like this year...


	44. Friends Or Lovers?

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Friends or Lovers?**

Leaving the room, as fast as was acceptable for a Captain, she was astonished to see her fingers trembling as she slowly opened the letter. She barely cleared to doorway and stood to one side, just out of sight range, or so she hoped, but with luck she had enough privacy so no one could read the letter over her shoulder. Why was she scared? There was nothing to fear from seeing words written on paper. If anything, it would be the final interaction between them, which had anything to do with feelings.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath didn't slow the thudding of her heart and having her eyes closed made it impossible to read the letter. Resolutely she opened them and began to read the letter.

_Soi,_

No 'dear', or other salutation, just her name.

_You are the only Captain I trust to exercise good judgement in these difficult circumstances._

What did he mean? Was he praising her or wanting advice?

_I regret the misunderstandings, which have come between us and caused what seems to be an irreparable rift. Most of the fault is mine. Words were spoken without due consideration to the situation. Momo is to be married to a member of 4th Division and my obligation to her on this matter is at an end._

Her cheeks flushed. He admitted his fault? A man admitted he had done something wrong? Toshiro had admitted he'd made a mistake! She re-read the paragraph again; hardly able to believe her eyes and then dwelt longingly on the last sentence. He used the word obligation, not love or compassion regarding Momo.

_Is it possible to put the past behind us? For us to meet and with the wisdom of experience talk to each other and reach an understanding, which may, eventually, lead to friendship?_

Now she was confused. He wanted to be friends? Only friends? Putting the past behind them meant forgetting about the sex and she wasn't certain she could, especially as she was carrying their child.

_I have missed hearing your thoughts about the events which are taking place too rapidly. Please, Soi, forgive me._

He missed her. She hugged the letter. Forgiveness? Maybe if he gave her good sex. Wait, what was she thinking? No more snap decisions. This time it was essential all the repercussions of any action were examined and re-examined before she took any action.

_As a token of my sincerity, I send this statuette to you and hope you will accept it in the spirit in which it is given._

Did that mean the hornet was a love token, or one of friendship?

_With deep respect and love,_

_Toshiro Hitsugaya_

Wait. Hold on. He said love and respect.

Toshiro loved her.

She loved him.

They were having a child and Momo was no longer an obligation. This was what she'd hoped for, even when she was denying her emotional attachment to Toshiro. If he had never mentioned Momo that fateful time all the problems and fights might not have happened, but then they may have fought about other issues. Now she admitted that trying to be in a relationship, even one that was only about sex, was not easy. Not when emotions became involved, no matter how much she denied they were there.

What was the next step? What should she say in her reply? It was against her nature to forgive anyone quickly, except Yoruichi, yet she wanted to forgive him. There were so many things she needed to say to him, to share with him. If they worked together, it was possible they could overcome some of the problems in the Seireitei and devise a plan to overcome the threat of the Winter War.

How could she reply? What could she say? Words on paper. She didn't enjoy writing reports, but this was more important than any report. The words might commit her to an action she wasn't prepared to take or perhaps express emotion she was not yet ready to admit to anyone except herself, and that was a very deep secret.

She'd simply reply with a few brief words.

Lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed the arrival of another member of 11th Division who walked past her into the room she had recently vacated. The man who had spoken so firmly to the troublemaker was talking to Matsumoto.

"As Captain Zaraki ordered me to serve you, I had been ordered to stay with you at all times," he said as he straightened, a friendly smile on his face.

A strange but telling look passed over Matsumoto's face. "I don't want someone following me around all the time," she said.

Interesting. Did the woman really dislike the idea or was she planning something reckless? Considering the events of the last few weeks, Soi decided to intervene. As she replaced the letter in the envelope she re-entered the room. "I agree with the decision," she said.

"Okay, fine. Just stay your distance. I hate being crowded," Matsumoto replied to the man, her frustration obvious.

Soi almost laughed. Hated being crowded? Not if it was Zaraki, but she decided to change the subject. It was imperative the situation with Toshiro be resolved and quickly so she could abandon the feeling of abandonment. The time for brooding over his mistakes and her errors was over and she wanted to be in his arms again, making him give her pleasure. She didn't want to commit anything compromising to paper, but wished to provide a clear message.

"Lieutenant, do you have paper and a pen? I wish to reply to your Captain," she asked.

It was obvious the woman was not very well acquainted with the room. She hesitated when asked and then headed toward a table which she smiled at with a strange expression and then returned with the requested paper and pen.

A few seconds thought and she quickly wrote_:_

_"Toshiro, we should talk. I'll be waiting in the Linen Room in 4th Division. Meet me there. Soi"_

She glanced at it, sealed it and handed it to Toshiro's lieutenant before she could change her mind. "Would you hand this to your Captain before I speak with him?" Then she thought of an excuse she could use to be at 4th Division. "I believe I should check on Lieutenant Hinamori before we return to the Captain-General so that I can assure him of her continuing recovery," then she decided to change the subject. "Why are you carrying a bag?"

Another strange smile crossed the women's face. "I thought I'd take a few things to Momo."

Momo was the excuse of the day, it seemed. Well, she'd been an excuse for so many things, why not for both of them. She didn't really believe that Ran was carrying things to Momo, but then she didn't really have an excuse to visit 4th Division. Instead of asking further questions, she pretended to agree.

The walk to 4th Division was silent. Matsumoto didn't say anything, her eyes seemed firmly fixed on the sky. Her new companion followed with a small frown and Soi wondered if she too was frowning. There was so much to think about.

Toshiro loved her. Then she noticed the thought made her smile. Quickly losing the smiled, she tried to think of other things, but her mind kept drifting back to the letter. He loved her, he missed her, and didn't want to marry Momo.

She HAD to think of something else. Anything. Her mind was constantly returning to thoughts and questions that could not be answered by logic alone. Physical exercise might help and she'd made a vague promise to Toshiro's lieutenant. Why not take advantage of it now, work off some of the stress and tension she was experiencing and pay back a favour. The fewer favours she owed the less the feeling of obligation and her life was already too cluttered with difficult factors.

Including her lieutenant. It was preferable not to think of the man, but she'd have to address the issue and soon. Maybe Toshiro would have some advice on how to deal with a lazy, unruly and useless subordinate, not that she believed his subordinate was useless, or lazy. Possibly unruly, but it was not her problem.

She saw the large grassy area near 4th Division, stopped and spoke to Matsumoto. "Lieutenant, I made an offer to you earlier and I feel in need of some exercise. Would you care for some training?"

The surprised look was quickly replaced with one of pleasure. "Yes, thank you," the lieutenant said as she handed her bag to Arai.

Soi waited until she was ready and facing her, noticing her well balanced stance. "Good. Draw your zanpakuto. I take it that you have communed with the spirit of your blade?"

There was a small pause and then the woman nodded. Possibly, there was some problem with her spirit, but it often too time, diplomacy or sheer bloody mindedness to work with some of the creatures. None of the moves were predictable or easy to manage and a few were downright maddening.

Instead of prying further, she provided some advice. "Try to establish that communion within your mind as we fight. Try to rouse it's emotions as you fight so that they blend with your own." Waiting a few beats, Soi attacked, not holding back.

Matsumoto seemed unprepared for the attack and backed away quickly. She had a strange, unfocused look which might mean she was scared, or trying to talk to the spirit of her zanpakuto. Soi hoped it was the latter.

She waited seconds and attacked again. To Soi's surprise, she met the blow and pushed back.

Briefly, Soi wondered if the problem had been that too many people treated this woman gently, not forcing her to take control and fight back properly, or maybe she had made a breakthrough. Whichever it was, Soi was very pleased and from the shocked and joyful look on her opponents face, so was she. "That shows promise. Do it again."

They joined battle. Slowly Matsumoto loosened up, and instead of continual defensive moves, produced a few offensive ones. The longer they battled, the more impressive her skills were. Of course, she was using many of the fighting techniques taught at the Academy, even some of the difficult ones, but it proved that Soi might be correct. Since graduating her skills hadn't been tested often enough. Probably more time was spent on the paperwork than on maintaining her skills. It took discipline to keep working on skills already learnt in order to keep them sharp and from her observation many Shinigami lost interest over time, becoming complacent, except when exposed to one of the more difficult Hollows.

Soi began to warm up as well and began employing something one of her instructors had always said was a disadvantage: her height. She was small and lithe and even now while pregnant, she still had speed on her side. She kept attempting to get under Matsumoto's guard and stab her, not hard, but enough to draw blood and prove her victory. Or somersaulting behind her to slash there. On one such closing, when a long slash was barely avoided, she had one tiny moment of distraction, convinced she'd felt Toshiro's reiatsu somewhere nearby. Feeling a pain in her arm and she looked down and noticed a long, narrow cut. The fight abruptly stopped and she looked at Matsumoto in surprise.

What could she say? How could she cover her mistake? "Heck. I let my mind get distracted by something," she said looking at her arm with anger. 'Heck'? She never used that word. Why use it now?

The lieutenant looked stricken. "We better get this seen to immediately" but the words seemed to come from some distance as her vision blurred.

Toshiro was bored and agitated at the same time. It was unpleasant. How long before he received a response to his letter? Waiting around here, trying to protect Momo from her actions felt like a waste of time. Reports were coming back that the visits of Soi and Matsumoto to the troubled Divisions were making a difference. Something very odd had happened in 11th Division and instead of being on the verge of explosive violence toward 12th Division; they seemed to be training with 2nd Division. Very odd combination and one, which caused him some surprise. It proved that Soi was serious about helping, despite her own feelings.

Momo was wittering on again about her wedding and Toshiro was no longer paying attention. What did it matter the colour she wore, or the flowers or any of the other damn detail she was obsessing about? He felt immensely grateful he wasn't marrying her, as he was certain she'd expect his input in every dull decision. So many damn details. Did any of it matter? Who cared if they released doves, threw confetti, got married in both a Western and Traditional ceremony, or turned up to the wedding naked? On second thoughts, he didn't like the idea of a naked wedding.

It was interesting how his occasional nonsensical comment didn't alert his friend to the fact he wasn't listening. He mumbled something unintelligible to what appeared to be a question and resumed thinking about Soi. Every time he thought about her, he felt a sense of loss and anger. Anger wasn't a good emotion. It blunted all the other more positive emotions and increased his irritation at the barrage of words aimed in his direction.

"What do you think, Shiro?"

"The name is Toshiro or Captain as I've told you countless times, Lieutenant. I think you should make up your own mind about that detail," he improvised cautiously. "After all, it is your wedding, not mine."

"But I thought you might be interested in the selection of music," she said.

Music? Why would he care, he wondered. It didn't make any sense, as music was such a personal thing.

Not really considering his answer he said, "Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap," and then realised his mistake. The song didn't have a meaning unless you took it apart and then carefully analysed the possibilities.

Her mouth open, Momo looked at him. "I don't think I know the song," she said.

"Forget I mentioned it. It's a pleasant enough song," the he decided it might be best to leave before he was asked to answer any more direct questions. "Momo, I need to go outside and check if there are any new developments," he said. It was either he leave the room or his brains might leak out his ears. "I'll be outside if you need anything," he said as her face fell.

She blinked a little and then nodded. "Thank you for listening to me, Toshiro, and for being a good friend."

He tried to prevent the colour creeping into his face. If only she knew some of his more recent thoughts.

Leaving the room, he leant on the wall. What was taking Soi so long to reply? No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget about the note he'd sent and how the reply was important to him. What would she say? Was there any chance she might forgive him and they could become friends or even closer?

He always seemed to be waiting. The eternal waiting was infuriating and had to end sometime, didn't it?

Thinking he heard footsteps, he looked up and saw Matsumoto walking toward him. Maybe she had the answer, which would put him out of his misery and let him resume his life.

Before he could ask her any question, she produced a piece of paper which she handed to him. "Toshiro, Captain Fong asked me to give this to you."

Finally, he had the reply and he opened the note. Despite the brevity of the note and the lack of information, he felt his face break into a smile. She was prepared to see him and talk to him! "Where is the Captain?" was his eager question.

Matsumoto shifted uncomfortably and refused to meet his gaze. Then she uttered the words he hadn't expected. "She's being treated for an injury that I caused." There was little doubt in his mind that his lieutenant felt very guilty about this.

In his astonishment, he accused instead of simply asking. "What did you do to her? There's no way you could have hurt Soi!"

Her bottom lip protruded somewhat and she replied unhappily, "She was training me and I cut her arm. She fainted and we brought her here as soon as we could."

Not a full explanation, but he could probe more later. The important thing was to see Soi and assess how bad her injuries were. "Where is she?"

As soon as she told him, he moved in the direction of the room and his lieutenant appeared to be following. He wanted to see Soi without any witnesses and anyway, Momo might enjoy talking about the wedding with Matsumoto. It might prove a fitting punishment for injuring Soi.

"Don't follow me. Stay here. Talk to Momo. She's been making my ears hurt with wedding plans and if I'm asked about the colour of the flowers one more time, I'll insist that she should invite Aizen to the wedding or that a bunch of stinking weeds would make a statement. You're a woman. You talk to her," he said and left as fast as he could.

Soi wanted to talk with him. Soi actually wanted to talk to him! He wasn't going to miss this chance to repair the damage done by his careless words.

Entering the room he was gratified to see she was alone. A small bandage was wrapped around her arm and her eyes were closed. Instead of immediately rushing to her side, he looked at her. She looked tired and the corners of her mouth turned down slightly as if she was sad. Was she sad because of him? Had he caused her pain?

Moving quietly he stood next to the bed, looking down at her face. Despite his resolve, he reached down and touched her lips gently and she stirred slightly. Throwing caution to the wind, he hugged her, holding her close to him needing to be assured she was alive. Breathing in the scent of her hair he knew letting her go would be very difficult and being only a friend might prove the biggest problem he had yet encountered.

She woke up as someone seemed to be touching her, hugging her. Who would hug her? Why? Where was she? Had she acted like a weak female and fainted? Opening her eyes, she saw two large green eyes staring at her intently. Toshiro was frowning.

"Soi. You fainted. It's not like you to faint. Are you sick? Is there anything wrong?"

Quickly glancing around the room to make certain no one else was there, she tried to sit up. Toshiro helped her. He arms remained around her, providing support and comfort.

"Matsumoto gave me your note. We do have to talk."

She was going to reply but was prevented from doing so as Hanatoro bustled into the room. "You seem fine, Captain. Everything checks out. You fainted as you haven't been eating and we all know what happens if you don't eat properly."

Soi flushed and looked down angrily. She wasn't a child and felt like she was being reprimanded for not eating her vegetables. She'd been busy. Many demands on her time meant she hadn't eaten today.

"I'll make certain the Captain eats something," Toshiro said with a meaningful look.

The look made Soi blush even more. There could be so many interpretations and she suppressed a small shudder at certain images which passed through her mind. She wanted to talk, to make definite boundaries and rules about their 'relationship' but instead her major urge was to relax in Toshiro's arms and forget about the past.

"You are free to go, Captain, but don't forget you need a check up in the next week to see..."

Soi guessed he might mention the baby. "I'll be here tomorrow and you can check how I'm recovering then," she said quickly and louder than she expected. Toshiro mustn't know she was pregnant, not yet, not until they sorted out all the confusion which had dogged their relationship until this point.

"Ummm, Soi..." Toshiro seemed uncomfortable and then she noticed Hanatoro staring at them. He seemed very curious about the two of them being in physical contact.

"Thank you Captain Hitsugaya. I don't need your physical support and am quite capable of getting to my feet by myself," she said pointedly. Gossip spread quickly and she didn't want anything said about the two of them, yet. Not until they had a chance to work out exactly what they meant to each other.

Toshiro backed away rapidly. "Yes, Captain. I was simply helping you as you seemed a little disorientated."

Hanatoro blinked and looked away and Soi wondered if he was convinced or simply dismissing their words.

"See you later, Captain. Thank you for taking care of my lieutenant today. You made more progress with those visits to the Divisions than I expected," Toshiro bowed slightly as he exited.

As he left the room, Soi got to her feet. "Thank you for binding my arm, Hanatoro," she said as she left the room, trying to move slowly despite her urge to run. Would Toshiro be waiting for her in the Linen room? Or had everything changed due to her abrupt dismissal of him?

Walking as casually as she could down the hallway, she kept her eyes lowered, hoping no one spoke to her. There weren't many people she passed but she paused outside the linen room door, waiting to be certain no one observed her.

Pulling the door open, she slipped inside and felt a quickly repressed surge of relief. Toshiro was waiting for her. Before she had a chance to say anything, his arms were around her and he was kissing her. For a moment she resisted, they had to talk, but quickly gave in and kissed him back. They spent minutes, lips joined, eyes closed tongues seeking each other but she exercised as much strength of will as possible and pulled away.

"Toshiro..."

He interrupted. "Soi, I was a fool. You know it and now I know it. I never really wanted to marry Momo once we ummmm...," he stopped, flustered and at a loss. He looked at her and then said, "Once we became involved."

An interesting way of explaining their relationship, but she didn't reply, waiting for him to finish what he wanted to say.

"I've known Momo most of my life and loved her, but didn't understand my love for her is the sort of love you have for a sister; at least that is how I feel about her now."

So, did he always feel the brotherly love for Momo? The question might be asked later, but for now she continued to listen.

"Soi, I love you."

There was no method she knew of to stop the flush rising through her body. It was so hard to keep quiet, but something told her to wait.

"When we stopped talking and started fighting I wanted to blame you for all the problems. It worked for a little while, but then it didn't. We both made mistakes and each mistake led to bigger ones until it was almost impossible to find a way to talk to you without both of us hurting. I've missed you, Soi. Please forgive me."

Now it was time for her to reply. What could she say? Reluctantly she opened her mouth. "Toshiro, this was meant to be nothing: no relationship, no friendship, it was meant to be about the sex."

She heard him gasp at her words, but it had to be said. Pausing for a moment to give him some time to respond she was pleased he let the silence continue until she chose to break it.

"I didn't want to fall in love again or even like someone. Not after Yoruichi," she said by way of explanation. "Caring about someone else hurts when they leave you or fall in love with someone else.

Again she paused. Was she going to use the 'L' word? No. Not now, maybe never. It was too much to say now after everything. Once this mad rush of emotion was over, if they settled into a steady period where they became friends, maybe then.

"Despite everything, even though I think this is a mistake, I care about you and forgive you." There, she'd said something, without really meaning to reveal that much but thankfully without the sugar coating.

Toshiro pursed his lips slightly almost as if he was disappointed in the small admission but then he nodded and dipped his head as if in thought.

Soi waited, wondering what to do next.

"Thank you Soi, for admitting you care," he said quietly, "and for your forgiveness." He smiled slightly. "You didn't ask for me to forgive you."

What had he said? Was he implying she should ask him for forgiveness? She hadn't done anything wrong, well not much. No, she hadn't done anything for which she needed to request forgiveness from him. She folded her arms and glared at him. "I don't need to ask. I didn't do anything wrong."

Instead of replying, he simply looked at her, his face carefully expressionless. Obviously, he thought she did owe him an apology. Did she? If she apologised now, wouldn't that place too much power in his hands.

"Forget it, Toshiro. If you want an apology you will be waiting a long time."

He folded his arms slightly. It didn't matter if he was stubborn, she wasn't giving in. She tightened her arms and scowled at him, her elation at this meeting rapidly disappearing. The old anger, resentment and growling unhappiness began to encroach upon her again.

Suddenly Toshiro laughed and she stared at him in surprise. What was funny about this situation? The brief accord had vanished and she was preparing to give up, once more.

"Soi, one day you'll say sorry and mean it. Now, I'm just so glad to see you again when you are prepared to talk to me."

The man was crazy if he thought she'd ever say sorry to him and mean it, or ask him to forgive her. It was important he know this, but before she could say anything, his mouth was on hers and he was kissing her with passion. For one tiny second she thought of pulling away and continuing the discussion, but didn't want to. Feeling his mouth on hers was the best experience she'd had for days and after all the sadness, she felt entitled to some happiness.

They stood there, kissing her arms finally reaching around his neck as his encircled her waist. 'Why had they fought over such stupid things', she wondered in her intoxicated state. 'Pride,' was her immediate response, but was pride worth any of this?

Of course it was, she reasoned. Without pride there was only duty and being like the other Shinigami whom she despised. Pride was all, but love seemed pretty good now.

"Soi, don't fight with me again. Sometimes I say stupid things or do stupid things, but everyone does."

She stiffened slightly. Was he implying that she said or did stupid things?

"See, I said another stupid thing," Toshiro said quickly as she began to remove her arms. "I'm so glad to have you kiss me once again I'll probably say lots of stupid things."

"Toshiro, why did you wait so long?" She couldn't help but ask.

He stared at her and bit his lip. "I was angry, with you, with Momo, with everyone. Everything I said to you made you angrier, but then you did some things I didn't understand. You helped Kiyone, you continued to protect Momo. In trying to work it out, it seemed you were doing it in spite of me, or to spite me."

How could anyone misinterpret her actions so badly? Wasn't it obvious in helping the other people she was trying to help him?

"Kiyone tried to make her problem yours. That was wrong," she said simply. "Captain Kuchiki has caused some ill feeling amongst certain Captains due to his intolerance and superior attitude," she paused before hastily adding, "I wanted him to accept his flaws, even briefly."

She'd admitted the truth and though it was petty, it was better than trying to dress up her actions as noble.

Toshiro hugged her and laughed. "You made him quake, just a little," then he sighed and said sadly, "Poor Kiyone."

Why did he pity Kiyone? The Captain had promised to marry the woman despite her foolishness.

"I think she may really have some genuine affection for him, but he has none for her," Toshiro continued.

A slight chill touched Soi. Marrying a man, having a child with him when he didn't have any emotional attachment was an awful thought.

Toshiro didn't know she was pregnant. If he found out, would he think she wanted marriage? That her pregnancy was not an accident and she wanted him to marry her?

She shook her head, trying to shake out the ridiculous thoughts. Marriage wasn't something she'd really considered, or only pretended to contemplate. Retsu didn't plan on marrying; wouldn't even name the father of her child. Why did Soi need to marry? As a Captain, she made life and death decisions for all her Division. It was her decision, if she wanted to have a baby.

Talking was making her think too much. Pulling Toshiro close she kissed him to prevent him saying anything else. The force of her embrace made them bump against the door and all the memories of the great sex they'd had returned. Her hands were on his sash, tugging at it, trying to undo it. Toshiro lurched against her, kissing her harder and she thought they again banged into the door. Why was his sash being stubborn?

Moving away from the door, she found she was pressed against a shelf. The kissing was good, but she wanted the rest of it. She pulled even harder on the sash when she heard a voice.

"Toshiro?" queried a surprised voice.

The kissing stopped and Toshiro said in a slightly accusing voice, "I thought you'd locked the door."

How dare he accuse her? He could have locked the door. "I would have but you began kissing me and I forgot."

Toshiro returned her glare and then smiled. "I like it when you glare at me. It makes me want to kiss you again."

Before he could kiss her again, the intruder, who proved to be Toshiro's lieutenant, grabbed him by the shoulder once more.

"Captains! What are you doing?" She asked, as if it wasn't obvious.

The woman was married to Zaraki! She must know what they were doing, or trying to do.

Toshiro smiled at her, his eyes gleaming with desire. "What's it look like? We're sorting linen," he told his lieutenant.

No one would believe that explanation, but it amused her. "I've only heard it called that once before."

Despite herself, she felt drawn to Toshiro and he felt the same way. She smiled at him, feeling shy and happy remembering the first time they'd kissed and then they were kissing and she didn't care if the lieutenant was watching. She'd had to watch her kiss Zaraki too many times.

Soi was unsure how much time had passed when she heard the woman shuffle and cough slightly, "Um, Captain."

They had provided the opportunity and Ran would use it. Having witnessed her longing and fretting for her husband made it easy to guess her demands. "Let me guess. If we let you use the passageway, so you can rejoin Zaraki, you won't tell anyone."

A small shock at her guess was quickly replaced with relief. Her earlier suspicions were correct. Ran was seeking a way of joining her husband even though he'd forbidden her to follow him, or so the rumours went. "Yes."

Toshiro pulled away and with a certain amount of displeasure tidied his clothes. "The Captain-General forbade you to follow your husband, remember? You have to stay here."

The woman thought for a moment and then said questioningly "He didn't forbid me, just said I had to stay in the Seireitei?"

If she joined her husband she wouldn't be staying in the Seireitei anyway, so why make the argument unless she was trying to make Toshiro forget some other declaration. His next words proved Soi correct.

"Your husband told me that you were not permitted to accompany him," Toshiro answered pointedly.

Ran nodded unhappily. Then quietly and with a great amount of earnest request, "Maybe I'm following him but maybe we could make it official, like an important message that needs to be delivered?"

The attempt at being guileless was so unconvincing and the situation so absurd, Soi laughed. She was with Toshiro who was holding her hand firmly and they she had forgiven him. The laughter made her feel generous. "Not only does she want our help to break the restrictions upon her, she requires official sanction to follow her husband. Your lieutenant is full of surprises, Toshiro."

Toshiro frowned slightly and stared at Soi. Their recent experiences with the Captain Yamamoto had been stormy. "But it will annoy the Captain-General if we help her," he replied. Soi nodded slightly. Annoying the Captain might be one idea.

"We don't want to do that, do we?" she didn't try to hard the sarcasm.

Toshiro nodded slightly but his tone was firm. 'No, we don't, Soi. Not after all the care he's shown for his subordinates."

"What has the Captain-General done?" Ran asked.

There was no point in saying anything. The information was personal and the history complex. As she might be leaving soon it was important that only the message they wished to be conveyed be sent, rather than any problems, which might only confuse the issue.

"What makes you think he's done anything?" Toshiro said, but his expression betrayed his thoughts.

To cover, Soi quickly said, "Captain Yamamoto owes us no explanations. He is our Commander and we do not have the authority to question his orders."

Placing an arm around her shoulders, Toshiro hugged her close. "If you say it often enough, you might believe it," he told her quietly. Soi stifled a gasp at his impetuous pronouncement.

The words stung and she pulled away from him. "Never. If I suspect you believe it, you might find a hornet stinging you." It was a way of obliquely mentioning she appreciated the thoughtfulness of his gift, a little late, but he'd distracted her.

Toshiro's eyes shone with a strange mix of anger and amusement. "Is that likely? That I'll believe it, especially with you to remind me?"

"No." It was true.

With a large amount of uncertainty, Ran said unhappily, "If you help me it will annoy Captain Yamamoto and Zaraki." There was a catch to her voice indicating she might be close to tears. Did she honestly miss her husband that much?

Remembering Zaraki's fury and passion when she'd been abducted it was clear he missed his wife and hated the thought of her being under any threat. If they let her try to rejoin him she may again be under threat, but the Seireitei was not safe. Recent events proved how single actions inflamed strong emotions almost causing major fighting amongst divisions. The woman was a focus and someone or more than one person was trying to kill or capture her.

Zaraki wouldn't forgive them if his wife was injured or dead. If she was with him, he could take care of her.

"You can handle your husband and we will deal with any issues from the Captain-General," Soi said and then turned to Toshiro, suddenly realising he had been correct in his assessment of his lieutenant, but had severely underestimated her abilities. "You never told me your lieutenant had an ability to obtain what she needs. She's more intelligent than I thought."

Toshiro nodded and hugged Soi close. "Yes, she is. Very well, Matsumoto. I feel indebted to you so I'll help'

This time she did not resist and looped one arm around his neck. "And if it will exasperate the Old Man, I'm for it," she said and sighed, but another, more pleasant thought crossed her mind. "It looks like we may as well get this moving and then we can go back to your place, Toshiro."

Toshiro smiled.

All they had to do was break a few rules, a few promises and possibly a few heads. Easy.

* * *

A.N.

Demands on time are like buses. They arrive in bunches.

Soundtrack

'Be Together (Electro Funk Lovers Remix)' John Course

'Lost in Thought' Jon Hopkins

'Hide and Seek' Imogen Heap

'Ward 10 (Voodoo Mix)' Monkey Mafia

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	45. Farewell to a Friend

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Farewell to a Friend**

After thinking it through, or rather finding the entrance to the access for Los Noches heavily guarded, Toshiro and Soi spoke, finally agreeing they had to get approval from the Captain-General. Matsumoto sighed but agreed as the Shinigami guarding the entrance would accept no authority except Yamamoto's and even demanded written and sealed proof for anyone to use the passageway.

Grumbling Toshiro decided to leave the Captain-General for last and outlined his reasons. For once Soi didn't argue with him, simply nodding as they walked to the next destination with Matsumoto following.

It took much longer than Toshiro had anticipated to organise the many things which needed to be done. Matsumoto assured him she was packed but Arai wasn't. Then there were one or two items which were needed by the scouting party which had to be obtained and after at least an hour's delay they were finally at First Division.

Convincing Yamamoto was difficult as he was being even more stubborn than Soi or possibly it seemed that way because he wanted to get this over so he could be with her. He knew the Old Man had trouble accepting advice from junior officers but he seemed to be even more obstinate than normal. Every time there was a mention of Las Noches his eyes seemed to flicker. While he noticed it, Toshiro decided not to ask about the reason. This matter needed to be sorted. Matsumoto was not safe in the Seireitei. She may not be safe with her husband either but it might draw attention away from Soul Society and given them a better chance to continue their preparations. Too much time had been wasted on the lockdowns and other distractions which had almost caused a number of catastrophes.

Kurotsuchi seemed to a key element to many of them. It was not his imagination. He had to be behind the attack on Matsumoto but for what reason?

Yamamoto was speaking. "Captain Zaraki ordered his wife to remain here and I gave an undertaking that her safety was assured. It would be a mistake for her to leave the security of the Seireitei and go within reach of the people who have attempted and succeeded in abducting her. This is very unwise, Captain Hitsugaya," the old man turned to Matsumoto. " Lieutenant Matsumoto, you will remain here."

Toshiro was trying to think of a reply when his lieutenant spoke. Again he wished she'd learned the value of silence.

"No, I will not. I don't mean to be rude, Captain Yamamoto but it is my decision. You can issue orders and in most cases I will obey, but in this case I will be safer with my husband. Being here without him scares me." Matsumoto sounded very determined and her tone was firm. Hearing her speak like thins made Toshiro understand how unwavering she was in her desire to rejoin her husband, despite any opposition. He had never heard her address the Captain-General in this manner before. Most Captain's wouldn't dare address him in this way, except for Zaraki and Soi.

She had often disregarded his senior position when talking to him and he'd resented it and warned her many time but had marriage changed her? Was she now even more insubordinate than before? If she was, how would he handle the situation, especially if she appealed to her husband? Zaraki was not a man who would toleration any disrespect to his wife and this might affect the chain of command. Yes, Matsumoto would often ignore what he said but her nature often prevented constant arguments.

Dismissing these considerations as something he would think about in the future, he noticed the expression on the Old Man's face. His lips had thinned and he sat up straight. "Lieutenant Matsumoto, if you had bankai, my concern would be you were preparing to apply for the role of Captain. Watch your words."

Toshiro was interested to see the reaction of his subordinate. She faltered, flushed and appeared lost for words, not a normal state for her.

Then another voice spoke. "Captain, we do need to send word to the scouting party regarding the traitor in their midst." Soi's husky but authoritative tone drew attention away from the agitated Matsumoto and he noticed the quick, thankful glance she cast at Soi. "The Lieutenant has volunteered and an escort from the top ten seats of 11th Division has agreed to accompany her. As you know, due to the," she paused and coughed, "delicate nature of this information, we cannot inform them by our usual means."

The stare Yamamoto directed at Soi indicated his displeasure. "The proof we have a traitor is not completely verified."

These words irked Toshiro. "Then how the hell did Arrancar invade the Seireitei? It seemed they knew where the weak points were and directed the attacks there and also managed to catch us completely unprepared. How did Ichimaru manage to remain in Soul Society and abduct Matsumoto after his initial failure? How was the water drugged? How did he manage to appear at the right time?" His voice was rising with each question and he felt an icy clutch begin on him as his temper rose. He took a deep breath, trying to calm wishing the Old Man wasn't so blind. Maybe if he opened his eyes once in a while he might see past his own pride.

"How did this make it way into Captain Zaraki's quarters?" Soi added drawing a familiar rock from her pocket.

His relief at another person attempting to convince the bone headed man made his stare at the rock. Toshiro had a vague memory of holding it once. He'd seen it in Matsumoto's room and wondered but never felt the need to ask why she kept a rock. People has strange fancies keeping all manner of things in their possession even when they were of no use.

Soi placed the rock on the table in front of the Captain General displaying a strange sigil on one surface. "You know this mark," she said.

Yamamoto looked irritated and disgusted. "A discredited and illegal adaptation of kido," his voice was louder than normal. "All research on this application of kido was banned due to its probable misuse."

Toshiro was curious. This was new information and the reaction of Yamamoto was telling. "Who was undertaking the research?"

The thinning of Yamamoto's lips indicated he was not prepared to answer the question.

Toshiro vaguely remembered something he'd overheard. "Was it Tessai, the former kido squad captain?" he guessed. It seemed likely.

"No. He had too much pride in the kido he knew. He was the person who persuaded the council to make any further research on this project illegal. It was one of the conditions Kur...," he stopped and cleared his throat, seemingly aware he had revealed too much. "The person who conducted the research was sentenced to imprisonment in the Maggot's Nest." The words sounded final but the earlier slip made it easy to work out who the person was.

Before Toshiro could say anything, Soi said as calmly as he'd heard her speak, "You allowed him to be released from the Maggot's Nest. Why? And to such a man as Urahara?"

A complacent smile showed Yamamoto thought he'd struck a nerve, despite Soi's composure. "At the time, Captain Urahara guaranteed the research would not be recommenced. He invited Captain Tessai to make certain the illegal activities were abandoned and Captain Yoruichi also provided surveillance until their unfortunate disappearance. "

Toshiro was a little surprised Tessai had agreed, but then remembered Urahara and Tessai had formed a close friendship, or so he'd been told.

He might have trusted Urahara and the two other captains, but why would anyone trust Kurotsuchi? It had been safer for all of them when he was locked away. There seemed to be further factors which had not been revealed. "Did Aizen speak on behalf of Kurotsuchi?"

The frown deepened on Yamamoto's face. "Aizen was not in a position to speak on anyone's behalf. He was not a Captain at the time, simply a lieutenant and one who seemed at odds with his Captain, for no good reason it was thought at the time. Aizen presented as a careful and dedicated Shinigami who didn't voice an opinion on any matter unless he was sure it was the one to provide the least amount of problem."

This didn't seem consistent with things he'd heard. There seemed something amiss with the situation. Aizen used Kurotsuchi to assist with the abduction and possibly with his escape from the Seireitei but if he had not been released from the Maggot's Nest all these plans would not have been put into action. Yet, would the request by Urahara with Yoruichi's support be enough to release a man from the Maggot's Nest? Urahara had been the person in charge of the Maggot's Nest for a long period before he was appointed Captain. Had this been arranged so he would encounter Kurotsuchi and learn of his abilities?

How could that be? Who could have the foresight and influence to do this? Yamamoto might be suspect, but that would make him part of the plot and it made no sense. Why create the Council and the Seireitei to ensure that the balance between Humans and Hollows was maintained and then actively work to gain the ultimate power over the spiritual and human worlds.

It couldn't be correct. Yamamoto seemed taken aback when Aizen revealed his real purpose and had actively been planning toward the Winter War. While he had not approved of the successful rescue of Matsumoto he had not sent anyone to interfere in the preparations and none of the participants had been court martialled or suffered any disciplinarily action.

"What does the sigil mean?" Toshiro asked Soi, trying to dismiss the ideas he was having. There was something wrong with Yamamoto. Something it wasn't easy to establish and it would continue to worry him until he'd found out all the facts.

Yamamoto glared at the rock, seeming unwilling to touch it. "I haven't seen this form before."

"Neither have I," Soi agreed. "It looks like an amalgam of two or three sigils designed for different things. One is to project an image which can only be clearly seen by one specific person, but the rest is a jumble."

"Which explains why Matsumoto was convinced she saw Gin in her room," Toshiro said carefully. "I apologise Matsumoto for disbelieving you."

His lieutenant's face was a mixture of anger and relief. "No one else could see the image? It wasn't my mind playing tricks on me? If I see Gin again I'll make certain he doesn't give me any more treasures I am supposed to keep. Thank you, Captain," she said to Soi fervently. "It scared me, both the experience and the fear for my mental state."

Soi seemed taken aback by the thanks but recovered and smiled. "I am unsure if the thing can be destroyed, but we will make certain it is removed far from you. Perhaps Former Captain Ichimaru might enjoy appearing to the inhabitants of the Maggot's Nest."

It was hard to stifle the laugh Toshiro felt rising. He was unsure if it was simply an image or a projection of the real person.

Yamamoto finally nodded and sighed heavily. "Only one person knows how to create those objects. It is an indication that Captain Kurotsuchi is indeed working with the traitors. The scouting party need to be informed so they can monitor their conversation and communication when he is with them. Also they will need to exercise care when using any device manufactured by 12th Division." The words were slow in coming and the Old Man appeared to be experiencing difficulty in speaking. "As Lieutenant Matsumoto has volunteered to go and you have agreed to released her from her current duties, she is the best choice to convey the news. There have been a few too many incidents concerning her in the last few days."

"I'm sorry, Captain Yamamoto. It wasn't intentional," Matsumoto said.

"Intentional or not, the events occurred and have caused up considerable trouble. it is best you go soon before there is another attempt on your life and we have more cause to lockdown Divisions." He paused and seemed to be trying to form words. "Try and maintain your distance from the traitors, lieutenant. They are not your friends." Once again his eyes seemed to flicker slightly as he spoke and the words were forced.

Toshiro glanced at Soi and noticed she was observing her superior officer with concern. Had she noticed the strange behaviour? Thinking back Toshiro had been slightly aware Yamamoto on occasions had shown a little hesitation but now it seemed more noticeable. What could be the cause? The flickering eyes was a new development and made him wonder about something. "Captain Shaolin, would you please arrange for the rock to be removed and sent to the Maggot's Nest as a matter of priority?"

The startled look she gave him was quickly replaced by one of understanding. "I will call for a member of my special division to remove it immediately." A few seconds later the rock was removed and Yamamoto sat straight in his chair. His gaze swept all of them. "I agreed to this foolish idea under duress," he began. "Lieutenant Matsumoto, if you persist in this idea make certain you are with another Shinigami at all times."

Matsumoto nodded, her face flushed and Toshiro guessed she was imagining being with her husband at all times. Then again being this close to Soi and knowing they were reconciled, for the present, made him wish to end this meeting as quickly as possible. Yet there were a few more issues to finalise.

"You agree that Division 2, 10 and 11 will work closely to better co-ordinate our efforts?"

"Hurumph. Still proposing that idea. Divisions work independently to better fulfil their primary function..."

To all their astonishment Matsumoto broke in. "It isn't working, not now. We need a different approach. With some of our strongest leaders away our strategy should be modified. Working together will help us share our strength."

Why was she talking now? Nearly everything had been organised and her intervention might cause further issues and yet another argument with the Old Man. To his astonishment, Yamamoto was nodding, but didn't seem happy.

"You have a point, Lieutenant. Are you certain you are not aiming for the position of Captain?"

"No. Not now," she replied hurriedly. "I haven't a bankai which immediately disqualifies me."

"However she is working toward it," Soi added.

The Old Man looked very thoughtful. "Indeed. We may talk about this further Lieutenant Matsumoto on your return, when you have successfully obtained bankai."

Matsumoto was slowly turning crimson. "That may take considerable time," she said, her agitation obvious.

"I will help you," was Soi's contribution.

"As long as you don't get hurt again," Toshiro muttered under his breath. If the Old Man knew about their relationship there might be repercussions, and as he wasn't certain the form their rekindled relationship might take he was wary about indicating anything to anyone else. It was difficult now with Matsumoto being aware of their intimacy, but she was leaving soon and not likely to tell anyone, except Zaraki.

He sighed. If Zaraki knew... Would it matter? He wasn't prone to gossip unlike...

Matsumoto.

The sigh turned into a groan. Everyone in Los Noches would know before a week was out. Matsumoto wasn't a gossip so much as imprudent. She'd always found keeping any secret a challenge, unless he gave her a direct order and even then she might forget when excited or angry. Toshiro, suddenly aware of where he was tried to turn the groan into a cough but it was too late.

"Why the groan, Captain Hitsugaya?" Yamamoto asked briskly.

He thought quickly. "I am not pleased at the idea of training another Lieutenant," he said as soon as the idea presented itself.

"Do not worry Captain. I have no intention of trying to gain a promotion until the Winter War is over and I have a proper honeymoon," his lieutenant assured him with a distant look in her eyes.

Soi sounded like she was trying to stifle a laugh but turned it into a cough as well.

"It is a pity I sent Captain Unohana on the scouting party," Yamamoto said. "It appears a few of my Captains are developing a cough."

"A slight tickle to the back of my throat," Soi said serenely. "It has passed now and hopefully will not return soon."

There was a silence which Toshiro decided it was wise not to break. Much had been said and the Captain-General would make up his own mind about how the Seireitei would be run. He always had and didn't appear to welcome the idea of anyone interfering.

Matsumoto fidgeted, obviously impatient at the delay and his cool glance made her stop for a brief time.

Finally they received their answer. "For a trial period the 10th and 11th Division may work together and with the 2nd Division. I will review the progress within a week and if problems exist we will revert back to the prior arrangement. However, there will be a cost."

Of course there was a cost. Any new idea came at a price and Toshiro was damned certain the burden was not light. "Captain Hitsugaya and Captain Shoaling will both monitor the arrangement and provide detailed daily reports. Any incidents will be reported immediately and any person who is found to be causing problems will either be incarcerated in 1st Division or if the problem is serious they may be confined in the Maggot's Nest indefinitely. No one is excluded from observation."

His breath faltering, Toshiro wondered if the bard was set at him. Did it mean even the Captain's would be observed and if so, how could he approach Soi? Their all too brief and unconsummated reunion might be destroyed by this knowledge. It was bad that there was additional paperwork involved but he could ignore that if he was seeing Soi regularly. No Matsumoto, no Soi, more paperwork and a possibly unworkable arrangement between Division which were more used to competing than cooperating.

"What do you mean, Sir?" Soi asked after exchanging a worried glance with Toshiro.

The man leant forward ponderously. "Against my advice and better judgement I agreed to release two men who'd attempted to take the life of Lieutenant Hinamori. You have promised they will not make the attempt again, but they are from the same Division as those who attempted to attack 12th Division. "

Matsumoto said in a surprisingly calm voice, "Captain, they were provoked."

"And you were the cause of the provocation, Lieutenant," he raised his hand before she could reply in protest. "I am aware you didn't mean to provoke anyone but it remains as a fact. This is one of the reasons I've agreed you can leave for now, but if there is any further action like those taken previously there may be executions without trial. We cannot afford rebellion or revolt now or ever. The status quo must be retained."

Matsumoto bit her lip and looked concerned. "They promised they would avoid Momo, I mean Lieutenant Hinamori."

"She is well guarded, Captain and no one really blames her," Soi added. "Most of the anger is now directed at Akon but I understand he is under your personal protection."

Their senior officer simply nodded. "Yes. Akon is under my protection while I seek to obtain information from him regarding his recent actions. If he is assassinated before he delivers the information I require we may find ourselves in a difficult situation and justice will be administered quickly to anyone involved."

Toshiro wondered if any of the 11th Division officers would try to seek further vengeance on the man. They must know he was under the importance of the information he might provide but was anger and the desire for vengeance more important than common sense? From the evidence he'd seen it was pretty evident some people existed, even Shinigami who put their needs and desires above all others. If these beings made a determination there was little that could dissuade the idea becoming an action and the action affecting all around them. Did they care that their need for revenge might cause problems for all their comrades? Or was the impact on other people so unimportant to their mind that it wasn't even considered? Did they even consider the consequences of their actions? Did they even think? At all?

He wondered why his mind was wandering in this particular field of speculation. Each person had their good and bad attributes. If he broke it down further there were some people who acted on their good impulses, others acted on their bad and others acted on any impulse they experience as long as they had the time, energy and ability.

The silence which had followed the last words by Yamamoto had provided the time to analyse these thoughts briefly while waiting for a final decision.

"Very well. Lieutenant Matsumoto, take the message to your husband and the rest of the scouting party. We can give you nothing in writing, you understand. You will have to commit the words to memory and only provide the message to the officers I designate. This is the message. 'Our commanding officer has reason to suspect one of the members of the scouting party is a traitor and working with Aizen. The possible traitor is Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi . You are to take no direct action but instead observe and record anything you notice. You are not to communicate your concerns to his Lieutenant. Do not interfere in his actions in any way unless they will cause critical physical or mental harm to any members of the scouting party.' Do you understand the message?"

Matsumoto repeated the message clearly in a sincere tone and then asked, "To whom do I deliver this message?"

"All the Captains, except Captain Kurotsuchi, Substitute Shinigami, Ichigo Kurosaki and possibly Rukia Kuchiki. As she is acting on behalf of her Captain she is representing him and required the information. It is the responsibility of each Captain to inform his subordinates to follow the rules."

Matsumoto bowed in a respectful manner. "I understand Captain Yamamoto and will perform the duties as requested. May I go now?"

A grim smile lifted the Captain-General's lips. "So eager to be with your husband, Lieutenant? You are not displaying proper womanly modesty."

Toshiro hoped his subordinate wouldn't respond but she did.

Resting a hand on her hip Matsumoto smiled and said, "Sir, to be frank I see no point in modesty. Former Captain Aizen was often held up as a model of modesty, dedication and hard work and he was a traitor."

Silence followed her comment until Soi said, "I am sure the Lieutenant meant no disrespect."

"Whether she did or didn't, her point is valid. You have my permission to depart. Do not become involved with any fighting and please refrain from being abducted. It irritates your husband and he often takes foolish actions as a result." There was a slightly quizzical expression on Yamamoto's voice as he spoke. Did it mean he disapproved?

They all bowed and left the office to find Matsumoto's designated guard waiting. "Are you ready, Ma'am?" Arai asked formally.

"Ma'am?" Matsumoto laughed as she said the word. "Please call me Ran or Rangiku. We have a long and difficult walk ahead of us and I want to arrive as soon as possible."

"I packed lightly," Arai assured them all.

"Then let's go," Soi said as she led the way. The walk was silent with heated glances passing between Soi and Toshiro. Their reconciliation had been delayed too long. He wondered where they would go after they finished their current obligation. Not the linen closet in 4th Division. The door wasn't secured and he didn't want any more interruptions.

Should they talk first? He quickly decided it was a bad idea. Too many words led to too many misunderstandings and problems. Maybe after but he'd be certain he didn't speak of Momo, Yoruichi, Aizen or any of the problematic people who'd influenced their lives and thoughts for too long.

They arrived and showed the confirmation documentation to the Shinigami guarding the gate. He was loathe to accept it until Matsumoto assured him if he didn't she would tell her husband, the Captain General and everyone else of importance. He paled slightly and quickly readied the gate.

Before she left, Matsumoto hugged him fiercely and whispered in his ear. "Be kind to Soi. She's much nicer than she seems but less resilient." She kissed him on the cheek and left without a backward glance.

Toshiro turned to Soi and then wondered what he should say. "Your place of mine?" he blurted out and then stopped, hoping he hadn't made a mistake.

Soi grinned at him and he sighed in relief. "Yours."

* * *

A.N.

Don't take the soundtrack too seriously. 'Fantastic Baby' is included as the damn song has been stuck in my head all week. Very catchy.

Okay. Long delay. Reasons? Many. Will it happen again? Don't know. Depends on what life throws at me next and with any luck it won't be a brick.

Soundtrack

'From Kashima' Mock and Toof

'Fantastic Baby' Bigbang (I wanna dance, dance, dance)

'Toxygene' The Orb

'Cindy Elecronium' Raymond Scott

Review. They sometimes amuse. So does ceasing bouncing my head against a brick wall.


	46. Love or Friendship?

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Love or Friendship?**

Toshiro couldn't remember if his rooms were clean. He usually liked order in his surroundings and made certain any rubbish removed, books were shelved and dishes washed. He found dirty dishes depressing and with a grimace remembered the rice that stuck in his hair after making sushi. Recently his life was more complicated than normal and often he'd been summoned from his bed before his normal morning routine was completed. When he finally arrived home he quickly washed and went to bed, ready to be woken in the middle of the night if another crisis loomed.

When was the last time he'd been home? He must have changed uniforms at some time and bathed, but it was unlikely he'd spent more than a few minutes at a time. What would Soi think if the place had clothes draped all over the place? Had he even cleaned up after Shunsui had stayed the night? How long ago was that? There were too many things happening! He hated the thought of her gaze sweeping over the debris that he vaguely recalled had littered his home.

"Captain Hitsugaya, is something wrong?"

He was amazed Soi had asked that question. She was asking if something was wrong? It wasn't like her to show a compassionate side, or was it compassion? Why was she staring at him in that manner? Her eyes were deep brown and as soft as he'd ever seen them. Her face held none of the residual bitterness or harshness he'd come to expect when she looked at him. Moreover, why was she calling him Captain instead of Toshiro?

Forcing a smile he replied, "Captain Hitsugaya? Why so formal, Captain Shaolin? We've passed our previous formality recently at Division Four. If we hadn't been interrupted you'd be still screaming my name."

Was that a slight colour creeping into her cheeks? Soi wasn't blushing, was she? "This is a new beginning for, for whatever this is or was," she replied, her voice low and serious. Her gaze was steadfastly located at a point over his right shoulder as she refused to meet his gaze.

At least it seemed so. When he attempted to place himself in her line of vision, she moved her eyes again over his shoulder and eventually looked at the ground.

Toshiro felt a sudden stab of something, which felt like tenderness. It was an unusual feeling, one he didn't experience often and had always denied toward this woman. Guessing it was pride and embarrassment affecting her he asked "Soi, look at me, please?"

Her eyes didn't waver and her expression remained unchanged, as much as he could see as she was still gazing at the ground but the colour in her cheeks deepened a shade. "Not yet, Captain. Give me some time."

Damn it. He'd said something stupid again. Obviously, it was the comment about her screaming his name. Were all women so sensitive about the mention of sexual pleasure or shared moments? Or was it Soi? Or did she feel regret for her agreement to start whatever they had again?

Matsumoto didn't seem worried about sharing any information, sexual or otherwise, but she wasn't known for modesty. Soi was more modest than his lieutenant, but then most people were. He had to remember not each woman was the same and their reactions to events were often emotionally charged. He shuddered slightly as he remembered the fear, need and confusion in Kiyone's eyes when Soi had brought her to confront him. No, women were very different to each other, as were men. Trying to generalise about them only led to confusion or disaster.

An idea began to form in his mind. Their previous 'relationship' had been based on a bargain they'd struck to protect Momo. He'd made the request and was under an obligation to keep his side as he feared for his friend. Momo no longer required the protection, he hoped so Soi and he were on an even footing. There was no longer the need for a bargain and she didn't hold the power now. Until now she'd directed most of their meeting, the sex, what would happen and when. Was she worrying about who would have the control or the most power in the 'relationship'?

Was he likely to try to take over? He wasn't sure. The anger he'd felt at being in the subordinate position with her had mostly vanished when they began to have sex. Mostly. Not completely because Soi still tried to direct the action most of the time or resisted when he tried to take control. If they began again would anything change? Did she need to be in charge so...?

So she wasn't afraid of being hurt again.

He was dumbstruck by the idea. As a man, he'd unconsciously dismissed her relationship with Yoruichi as being unimportant, as it had been with another woman. Now he finally acknowledged a relationship between two women, or two men might be as passionate as any love between a man and woman. He almost flushed at the late realisation.

If Soi had been as damaged by the desertion of her lover and angry or uncertain she wouldn't want to give anyone power to hurt her again.

If he wanted a relationship of any kind with her, he might need to think about this carefully. If he could assure her that she did have control she might be less defensive and less likely to make pre-emptive attacks on him in case he was preparing to betray her. Not that he would betray her, except he had said that stupid thing about Momo.

Now this thought had risen he began to wonder if this had any chance of working.

"If we have sex will he notice the changes? Will he guess I'm pregnant? What if he thinks I'm only preparing to start something with him because of the baby? I'm not, but how will I persuade him? Should I keep the baby? Why did he have to mention screaming his name? I didn't do it often. How is this going to work? I can't look at him. I can't look at him. I won't look at him because I don't feel like it. If I look at him, I might laugh and he wouldn't understand. Worse, I might feel something I don't want to experience again. I'll go. That's what I will do. Go now and talk about this later. Much later. Maybe after the baby has grown up and celebrated its 80th birthday."

The barrage of thoughts made concentration difficult. The conversation between them had ceased or there was an exceptionally long pause. She turned, intending to leave.

"Don't go, Soi. I think talking it out is the best option. Why don't we go somewhere neutral where we have no shared history and talk? Down by the river, perhaps. We can make certain no one is around, sit under a tree and talk at leisure."

Without meaning to, her gaze diverted to his face. The surprise she felt at his suggestion made her wonder if she really knew this person. He appeared to be thinking about this seriously and talking was something, which might help. It also might not help if he had changed his mind.

Feeling at a loss and hating the emotion more than ever she tried to form a reply.

"We can take something to eat and drink. An informal picnic. You haven't eaten today from what I know and neither have I. I'm hungry."

The suggestion made sense and in reply, her stomach growled slightly. It seemed interested in the mention of food.

Words spilled unintentionally from her lips. "This isn't a date is it? I don't want to go on a date. I don't do dates."

Toshiro looked confused. "It's simply a picnic to talk. We don't have to talk about anything serious if you don't want to." He paused and added, "Let's spend some time together where we are not fighting or having sex. It's not a date. It's a picnic."

Soi considered what he'd said and feeling a little shaken by her unexpected outburst didn't see how she could reject the suggestion without appearing foolish. "We will talk," she agreed, feeling nervous in her agreement and the prospect of a picnic but not a date.

"When and where?"

Why was he asking her? He'd suggested the picnic, so why did he want her to tell him anything? Even so, it made her feel relaxed that he wasn't trying to dictate all the terms of this picnic.

Having waited in the past for something to happen, for a loved one to return, it seemed tiresome to go through that process again. "Now," she said. It wasn't a question. If they were picnicking, they would do so now before either of them could change their mind or set a private agenda for the things that might happen. This whole reunion was unplanned and it may as well continue that way.

Toshiro looked startled. "Now?"

"Yes, now. Why not now? We need to talk, I'm hungry and if we leave it until later, later may never happen. The Seireitei hasn't been the most serene place in the last few weeks, in case you've forgotten." She smiled as she said the last words. Serene was the opposite of the Seireitei.

He nodded in agreement. "Who knows when duty might call either of us away? How will we organise food?"

Soi gestured and as expected one of her elite corps knelt before her. "Food for a picnic," she ordered, "and privacy. No one to follow me or watch over me. Captain Toshiro and I can defend ourselves for one afternoon. In addition bring rugs, pillows, drinks. I will leave it to you. Don't disappoint me."

"Where do I deliver this?" the male kneeling before her asked.

"The river. Make certain it is there before we arrive." She expected no questions or comments. As the commanding officer, she made the decisions. While her lieutenant was 'on leave' she'd noticed work was done more swiftly, efficiently and with fewer complications arising as a result. He did need other duties and tomorrow she might investigate further. Her life had been on hold, or so it seemed, while she dealt with other people's problems.

Toshiro was smiling at her in a new manner. It appeared to be a mixture of pride and amusement. "You've never asked for this type of thing before?"

"I never had the need. It may be seen as out of character or even an indulgence but I don't care. Life is not always about duty." She was astonished to hear those words uttered by her lips. Since Yoruichi left, aside from the interludes with Toshiro, everything had been duty. Even her few moments of relaxation had been about duty.

She was tired of working without reward.

"Soi? Captain Shaolin?" Why did Toshiro sound so hesitant?

"Yes," she replied raising an eyebrow as she looked at him.

"Could you request one of your special squad to take a private message to my third seat?" Again, his voice sounded different, odd, as if he felt some guilt in asking this question.

"Yes, of course. Write the message and I will have it sent immediately. Why not summon a Hell Butterfly?"

Was it her imagination or did Toshiro go a pale pink? It was difficult to believe the icy captain could blush.

"It is a private matter," Toshiro replied looking over her shoulder. Did it mean it might have something to do with her?

"I see," she couldn't prevent her words from sounding cold. Nor did she really want to. Maybe he was sending a love note. A love note? To whom?

Toshiro drew some writing implements from his sleeve and wrote a few quick strokes. She thought she saw the word 'clean'. Clean? Clean what?

'What is dirty?" Perhaps she shouldn't have asked but it was too late now.

Toshiro quickly folded the note and flushed even more. "My quarters. I can't remember if they've been cleaned since Shunsui stayed over that night we were drinking." He admitted, sounding as if he wished he had never asked to send a note.

Without meaning to, Soi laughed. "Cleaning? You want your quarters cleaned in case things become sexual?"

Her laughter and comment appeared to make Toshiro even more uncomfortable. "I like my place to be clean."

Soi laughed even more and noticed Toshiro turned away. "What's wrong with cleanliness?"

Taking a deep breath, Soi tried to stop laughing. "Nothing." It was all she could say as her dormant humour again asserted itself.

A loitering subordinate was quickly dispatched with the note, which gave Soi some time to recover from her sudden burst of laughter. She might not be laughing but she still felt happy. It was time to have some fun for a change instead of the unceasing work, which provided little respite. No matter how much work she did there always seemed more requiring her attention. Pushing aside all thoughts of work, she reached out and took Toshiro's hand.

"Let's go to the river bank and have lunch."

He nodded in reply but didn't look at her and she wondered why.

She'd laughed at him and it hurt. She'd said she didn't want a date and that too hurt but in a way that was low and her other words made it bearable but now she was laughing at him.

He was accustomed to Matsumoto laughing at him but she laughed at everyone, even her husband on occasions. Soi wasn't like her. Soi laughed only rarely, when she found something funny and now she was laughing at him because he wanted his quarters cleaned. Why was she laughing? What was so amusing about the desire to have his quarters clean and fit for habitation or lovemaking? He didn't want to slip on a bottle laying on the floor or any remnants of food, which might have been accidentally left out.

There was also the possibility the food might have gone stale or rotten or attracted ants. Ants were very difficult to deter from entering a place where they'd previously found food.

What if they were passionate and entered the door kissing and tearing their clothes off only to be overwhelmed by the smell of stale alcohol or their feet stuck to something lying on the floor. It was only reasonable that he would want his quarters clean and now he felt shamed and embarrassed.

Was this yet another large mistake following all the others he'd made? Soi had finished with him, they'd both believed it was over and now they were preparing to try again on a completely different basis. He'd tried to be considerate of her feelings, even attempting to let her know he didn't expect to be in charge of the relationship and in return she laughed at him.

Maybe it was funny.

It was. They were planning to have a picnic and talk about a possible future and he was fussing about having clean quarters. He sincerely hoped Matsumoto didn't hear of it. Only recently he'd ordered her to stop calling him an old woman because of the attention to detail and emphasis that all the paperwork be completed in a certain manner. After he'd ordered her to stop, she saluted, bowed, then curtsied, and finally laughed at him.

"I hear you, O Captain, my Captain," she'd said. "Let me paraphrase for you. You are not old, a female or in any way shape or form an... I mean micromanaging everything I do."

"Correct, Matsumoto. Congratulations for listening."

In answer she'd widened her eyes and said sweetly, "I always listen to what you say, Captain. Sometime I choose to pretend I haven't heard."

They'd both laughed and the memory of that moment and the current situation made him stop feeling humiliated. Instead, he smiled at Soi and said, "I'm still hungry and we aren't even at the river bank yet. Let's see how fast we can arrive."

They both walked swiftly and he kept feeling the desire to ask her why she didn't want to date. "Don't ask", he kept advising himself. "I may not like the answer."

All the same, what were her reasons?

Then again, many of the recently formed liaisons which he knew about and he thought there were two or possibly three, the couple hadn't dated, not once.

Was this the way life was progressing? No dates, just a quick decision and entering into a relationship that in most cases seemed built on lust. For some, like Matsumoto and Zaraki it worked as they had other interest and passion for each other, but for some of the other couples like Byakuya Kuchiki and Kiyone, there seemed little chance they would form a loving attachment. As for Momo and her future husband he worried she was simply pleased to be marrying anyone. Not a good reason for marriage.

But who was he to judge? He'd formed a sexual liaison with Soi simply to protect Momo.

Still pondering he heard Soi say, "I don't want to date because that implies I am looking to form a conventional relationship."

Toshiro stopped and looked at her wondering why she was answering an unasked question. He wanted to know the answer but was surprised she'd offered the information so quickly.

"I'm telling you this because you looked shocked when I said I didn't do dates," Soi said, her face turned away. "Then I laughed at your need for your quarters to be cleaned and it seemed to upset you a little."

Once again he was confused she'd noticed these things about him. Was this the same aloof woman who appeared to exist for her position? "It was embarrassment," he admitted. If she was showing more care than before, he might show more honesty. He had been honest with her in the past, to a point. Well, except about his feelings but feelings were private. No one else knew the feelings were there unless you told them.

Or they were very observant.

Normally he shied away from feelings. It was better to retire behind the cold shell of his inner self, containing all the fears and destructive emotions that sometimes threatened to spill forth and harm others. Now he was faced with dealing with stronger emotions with a person who was displaying many of the emotions he associated with his grandmother and Matsumoto and these emotions normally made him uncomfortable. The discomfort was there; he couldn't ignore it, but for some reason it seemed less difficult to deal with.

"I've never dated anyone," he offered quietly. "Dating never interested me."

There was silence. Toshiro wondered if he'd said the wrong thing or if Soi was misinterpreting his words and overlooking the meaning.

Finally, she nodded and said, "No dating."

Toshiro nodded, not sure if any verbal response was necessary. They continued to walk and with a brief space of time arrived at their destination.

There were blankets, cushions, small outdoor chairs, a table and a basket of food.

To his surprise, Soi grabbed the basket of food and sat on a rug. She opened the basket and to his astonishment, grabbed something from the top and before he could ask what it was, she was eating with one hand and pushing the basket toward him with the other.

Looking inside the open basket he saw some crumbed chicken and realised that was the food Soi was consuming with every indication of enjoyment. He picked up a drumstick, noticed it was still hot and sank his teeth into the moist, meaty centre. It was very good and the smell enhanced the flavour. Saliva filled his mouth as his stomach signalled its approval of the food and indicated it wished to receive the mouthful he was chewing as soon as possible, or he thought that was what the rumbling noise meant. He cringed a little at the noise and heard a small, hushed laugh.

"You were honest. You are hungry," Soi observed, taking another piece of chicken.

"So are you," he countered. "Did you inhale the first piece?"

Hell, why had he said that? It was dumb and thoughtless and Soi might be offended. He hoped she wasn't.

"Not quite," she replied, which made him relax and enabled him to take another bite. "You were right, Toshiro. I haven't been eating properly." She didn't look at him but he felt the words meant something more than the simple admission.

Soi was now delving into the basket with one hand and bringing out the food contained within while taking bites from the chicken held in the other hand.

There appeared to be salads, bread, sushi, pork cutlet, eggs, and even some cooked soba noddles in broth. He wondered if they were cold or hot. Accompanying the meal was tea and water.

He looked at the sushi with a raised eyebrow. After the experience of making the stuff he wasn't sure he wanted to eat any. Remembering the rice stuck in his hair, the disobedient nori and the disaster of the party that followed, sushi might hold bad memories for some time to come.

Soi handed him a plate and he selected some of the noodles. They were warm, in a broth that tasted strongly of miso and ginger.

"Tasty," he said.

"I like ginger," Soi said as she also ate the noddles.

They began to talk about the foods they preferred. Conversation did not flow freely at first as they occasionally spoke over each other but as time passed and their stomachs filled, it seemed easier to chat about issues, which interested them but aroused no strong feeling. He was interested to hear that Soi rarely ate miso without mixing it with ginger, something he didn't often do. He expressed a liking for crumbed chicken and she smiled and passed him the plate, which contained one last piece. He accepted, deciding that to say no might seem discourteous and contradictory.

Taking another plate of noodles, he noticed, despite being covered and kept in a heated pot, they were now cold. Sipping his water, he looked at the sky. The day was darkening towards evening.

"We've been here for hours," he said.

"Does it matter how long we've been here? Are you feeling that you need to return to work?"

He considered the question. "No. I deserve a break. I haven't sat and chatted with anyone who wasn't Matsumoto or Shunsui for some time."

"Not even Zaraki?" Soi seemed curious.

Toshiro laughed. "Have a long conversation with Zaraki about anything but fighting and his other major pleasure? No. When did you last talk with the man?"

Soi closed her eyes as if considering the matter. "Very rarely. Our duties only bring up into contact at the Captain's meetings and even there he tends to glaze over when Yamamoto talks about budgets and new directives."

"Fortunately the meetings are usually short. I've often wondered if he might fall asleep on his feet if those discussions continue for a lengthy period," Toshiro said smiling. He liked Zaraki but he was not a born administrator. A good fighter, maybe even a good teacher of the martial skills, except Kendo. Other than that, he sometimes appeared frustrated at the length of time he was required to attend meetings until his eyes lost their focus.

"I wonder how Captain's meetings will progress now he's married."

The question made him laugh. "More impatient than ever?"

"Patience is overrated," Soi replied, looking serious and then smiled.

He couldn't recall seeing her smile so regularly before. It made a difference, removing the sadness from her eyes and altering the normally remote face to one full of animation and joy. Had Yoruichi changed her to the aloof person of was it part of the careful training to which she'd been subjected all her life?

"It's getting late," was her next comment and he thought he saw her shiver.

"And cold," he replied.

They fell silent. It seemed neither of them wanted this time to end or to make a suggestion they go somewhere else.

The sound of the river and the wind disturbing the leaves in the trees filled the silence. The low whooping sound of a Scops Owl occasionally disturbed the relative quiet as they continued to sit. Noticing Soi shiver again, Toshiro moved closer and tentatively placed an arm around her, drawing her closer for warmth. While he was doing so he was thinking, "This might be a mistake. She might push me away, but I don't want to see her cold and shivering." She didn't resist and having moved off one clear rug, he pulled it over them both.

"Thank you," Soi said quietly.

Nothing more was said as they watched the sun set.

"What should I do now?" Toshiro wondered.

* * *

A.N.

For anyone still reading and waiting for updates, thank you.

For once a quiet chapter without too much conflict.

Soundtrack

'The Maze' Lacuna Coil

'Come Back Clean' The Crystal Method

'Pedestal' Maakheru

'Metro Love' Monkey Mania

'Sunset' Chris Coco

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	47. Fear Love

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**Fear Love**

As light faded from the sky even the rugs didn't provide enough warmth from the chill in the air. Soi knew they should move, but she didn't wish to do so. For this unexpected time they had shared very simple facts about themselves; actually spent some time learning about each other instead of just their bodies. If she suggested leaving it might shatter the unusual peace between them but she was cold, even held within Toshiro's arms her stomach felt cold and she feared for her child.

The feeling of cold was strange. She'd experienced it before but not for some time. It didn't appear to by caused only the physical cold but another factor.

As she turned her head to rest it on Toshiro's shoulder, a move she would have once found mawkishly sentimental, the realisation of where this cold feeling originated stopped her. There was something very important she'd forgotten and it was so important, Toshiro needed to know before any more things were said or plans made.

Though she hated to break their new accord it was possibly the best time to tell him the news she had shared with one other person. How could she tell him?

Her character urged direct speech as soon as possible. If their relationship was to break over this undisclosed fact it was best for it to break now, before they were too comfortable with each other. The darkened sky would hide her expression and it might be easier not to witness the expressions displayed on his face as she spoke. It might be possible to ignore the hiss of indrawn breath as she shocked him but unlike normal she didn't wish to see disgust, anger or fear on his face. He'd looked at her with such affection during the picnic that wasn't a date she'd hoped he had more feelings for her than simple lust. Silly thing to say. Lust wasn't simple, at least not between them. Lust roused other emotions which were not so easy to sate.

She thought for a few moments about how best to broach the subject but no easy way presented itself. The longer she thought about it the colder she became and the harder it was to try to think of a way to tell him which wasn't going to be a challenge. She'd start with simple words and see how it went.

"Toshiro, there is something I need to tell you." Hell, she sounded like something from one of those soap opera manga's that some of her subordinates read. Or that romance that Yoruichi had forced her to read all those years ago. It had embarrassed her and made her laugh and cringe but Yoruichi insistence was hard to resist.

"There is more to life than fighting and work," she'd said as she insistently thrust the book at her. "Don't try to lie to me about reading it as there will be a quiz." The memory of the book made her feel even worse in this situation. Did people really say all that sort of stuff to each other?

Her companion swallowed some water before he replied. "There are many things I wish to tell you, Soi," his voice was thoughtful and gentle. Briefly she wondered what the things he wished to tell her were, but caught herself. She may never hear them as the words she planned on uttering would change everything from the moment they were said.

Keeping her face turned away so she couldn't see his expression she finally said, "I'm pregnant."

Quickly the words were spoken and they hung in the air making the situation between them a reality. As soon as she'd said the words she felt both scared and relieved. The truth had been spoken and now she had to cope with anything that followed.

Facing an enemy had never been this loaded with emotion and fear. How was he going to react?

Despite her intentions her eyes were drawn to his face and noticed he was frowning. Was frowning good or bad?

Did she really care? The child would be born with or without his permission or acknowledgement of the paternity. She was simply telling him now before anyone else noticed she was changing shape and talked and he began asking questions. None of this was important, except it was.

The silence stretched further and Toshiro still didn't speak, but his frown deepened. Which of them would break the silence?

It had been so pleasant sitting and chatting with Soi and unexpected. He'd been stunned when she'd agreed the impromptu picnic but also glad. While it seemed out of character for her to accept an invitation from him, all the recent events might have encouraged her to have some faith in him, for which he was grateful. It was a chance for them to start over, a clean slate where they could forget all the bitterness of the past and look to the future.

It had been a wise choice to go somewhere they'd never been together. It was unknown territory and the place wasn't tainted by their many misunderstandings or arguments. For once he was gaining more information and a better understanding of her than ever before and he was impressed. She was as logical and pragmatic as he'd imagined and truly wanted to improve her Division. It was interesting that she never mentioned Yoruichi and quickly changed the topic when he mentioned General Yamamoto. They were both subjects he hoped to discuss with her one day but was aware that an uneasy truce existed between them. It wasn't any surprise given their history and the events which had taken place in recent weeks.

He chose not to break the truce and was happy to discover some of the more fundamental values and opinions Soi held. Occasionally he found he was laughing at a pithy remark she'd made concerning her beliefs about some of their fellow captains. While she always seemed so serious and contained when in public, it appeared from her comments that most of it was very strict control over her features and emotions. It became clear her respect needed to be earned and a great many of the people they interacted with on a daily basis had not earned her respect and possibly never would.

However in some areas she appeared inflexible. It had always appeared so, but now it was becoming clear that this was a fundamental flaw in her character. Was it a flaw?

He remembered Matsumoto accusing him of being inflexible on occasions. She had laughed at him and told him he acted older than her, an observation with which he could not disagree, and then she told him he was stuck in his ways. Her words had been teasing, he knew that, even though she had told him he was unyielding on more than one occasion. If he thought it was a flaw in someone else, Yamamoto, for example, did it mean everyone who had that trait was also flawed?

It wasn't the time to think about it. Both Soi and he had fallen silent as they watched the birds wheel across the sky, their bodies appearing black against the blue, pink and gold of the sunset. He hadn't seen a sunset for quite some time due to work and responsibilities and he again remembered the wonder he'd had as a child to see the glowing orb of the sun descend below the horizon. This was the first time he held someone close while witnessing the event and he enjoyed feeling the warmth from Soi's body seep into his. Tightening his grip slightly he wondered how long the moment would last. The sunset would fade, as it always did, but this moment when he felt closer to Soi than ever before. The serenity of the sounds of running water, the slight breeze, cooler now as dusk was falling, the pleasant sights that were around them all assisted in this feeling, but it also had something to do with Soi and how she was reacting.

He felt a small movement and looking down he noticed both through sight and a change in pressure that Soi was resting her head on his shoulder. The slight contact both thrilled and bewildered him and the tension, which had previously seeped away, returned. It seemed to be a sign of affection and relaxation but in his experience that interpretation couldn't be taken for granted. It might only mean she was tired or bored. He tried to recapture the relaxation he'd previously felt but couldn't.

Despite enjoying the closeness time was passing and it was becoming colder. The blankets helped but it was not warm enough to sleep outside and he had hoped they could 'celebrate' their new accord. Not that it was important but he missed sex. He'd really missed the excitement of sex with Soi.

Soi spoke and he felt a sudden rush of need to tell her things he'd kept from her for fear of her reaction. He sipped some water, reluctant to remove his hand from her but his throat was now dry as he was about to say some very important things to the woman he held. "There are many things I wish to tell you," he said, taking a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant," she said quickly and the breath he inhaled left his body in a rush as the words became clear to him.

Soi, the women he held in his arms was carrying a child.

Was it his? He frowned.

Why would Soi tell him she was pregnant if it wasn't his child? She might if she was trying to explain why their relationship wasn't going to work unless he accepted the responsibility of the child.

Wait. What was he thinking? This was Soi. Soi who until him had detested the touch of a man. Then he remembered Kiyone who had tried to accuse him of fathering her child because the real father, Captain Kuchiki had avoided her completely after they'd had sex, once. He knew Kiyone was confused and worried at the time, not that she seemed happier now, yet the accusation had rocked him and worried him more than he like to admit. He'd felt trapped and hunted when he'd been accused and had desperately tried to remember any interaction he'd had with the woman. He'd known they had never exchanged more than words yet the sheer fact she had said he was the father of her unborn child had made him search his memory even though the only woman he'd ever had sex with was Soi.

Now Soi was telling him she was pregnant. If he stopped thinking about all the conflicting events which had happened recently that coloured his views about pregnancy announcements, how did this news make him feel? He wasn't sure.

How could he be sure? They'd been estranged for some time because of issues concerning pride and misunderstandings and now she was in his arms telling him she was pregnant and obviously waiting for some response from him. His first response was to ask if the child was his, but his knowledge of Soi and their previous interactions indicated that the question might be badly received. All the other responses which came to mind seemed trite or dismissive. He had to say something, anything because it was cooling faster now and he didn't wish for anyone to overhear their conversation.

"Can we talk about this somewhere else?" he asked, thinking it sounded feeble.

"Yes."

"Where?" he didn't want to suggest his quarters and wasn't about to request to meet at hers.

"There is only one place where we can discuss this," she said. "The place we spent the most time together."

The room. Memories of it now seemed charged with emotion which were both bad and good. In many ways Soi was right. It was the best place to have the discussion as it was unlikely they would be interrupted and while he still thought of it as belonging to Soi, it was still a place which gave them a more equal footing. Not much as it still seemed she had most of the ownership of the room and in this room he had done her bidding for too long, but it was also the place where he first experienced sex and the beginnings of what he believed was love.

Now he questioned the love as he was still uncertain what she meant by telling him she was pregnant. The was no doubt she meant she was having a child, but the paternity and her expectations were not clear.

He simply nodded in reply and they set off but not before he gave a backward glance at the remnants of their picnic.

"Don't concern yourself, Captain Hitsugaya. It will all be cleared away," Soi said without looking at him.

He immediately noticed the formality of using his title. Was she trying to distance him now that she had revealed her secret? Instead of answering he continued to walk to their destination. Until he reached there he wasn't certain he could speak without asking questions and from past experience it was likely she might be resistant to answering until they had some privacy. Without realising it they both seemed to walk faster the closer they were until finally they were in the room.

It hadn't changed much since the last time he was there. The bed had been made with clean white sheets, the floor was swept and sign of their presence removed. A new picture scroll hung on the wall, depicting a mountain sparsely covered with trees. The brushstrokes were firm and unhurried and he wondered who had painted it and why it was here. It had the effect of making the room more attractive.

They'd entered the room and were now standing in the room and still not speaking. Toshiro wondered if Soi was waiting for him to say something. What could he say?

"Is it mine?"

He knew he'd been thinking those words but had he really said that? Why did his mouth speak when he wasn't thinking?

After she'd suggested going somewhere else to break the impasse which seemed to have arisen between them, she wondered. Toshiro hadn't said anything. He'd frowned and seemed on the point of speaking but hadn't given any indication of what he was thinking except when he'd looked back at where the picnic had been. Typically he'd been worried about leaving a mess.

Leaving a mess? The thought almost made her laugh ironically. This whole situation was a mess, so why worry about a few blankets and food? Her people would tidy up rather than leave it to 4th Division but wasn't their situation of more concern? Something had happened between them and she'd mistakenly thought there might be something more than lust between them but Toshiro was acting like a stranger. She'd even tidied up the room and tried to make it more appealing in case she finally did tell him and they needed privacy to talk.

The walk here had been strange. They'd exchanged no words and he hadn't looked in her direction once. Was he disgusted with the thought of her pregnancy. While she'd never had the experience of being confided in personally, she'd heard some women mention how the thought or pregnancy disgusted some males who had been very enthusiastic about the means of creating the situation. These men, apparently, found pregnant women repulsive and sought out other women for sexual release. Was Toshiro one of those men? But he knew Momo was pregnant and at one time had thought of marrying her.

Finally, after minutes of silence, Toshiro spoke. "Is it mine?" She turned to look at him, startled by the question and implied accusation and then saw the look of astonishment and horror on his face. Why was he horrified? Was it fear of her answer?

There was no doubt the question stung. It hurt to hear he thought she was the type of person who would have sex with other men even when they were estranged. Didn't he recall she preferred women; well she thought she had until she'd had sex with him, but it didn't mean she didn't like sex with women. Even if she'd had sex with a woman it wouldn't have made her pregnant, so what was he thinking?

"Do you care?" was her hurt reply.

"Yes, of course I care. That is why I asked," Toshiro said not looking directly at her but staring at the scroll painting she'd placed on the wall. One of her brothers had done the painting a few days before he'd died, killed by a Quincy.

Soi bit her lip, remembering her brother and his plans to marry and have a large family. She'd never had those plans but it seemed she was going to have a family, even if it only comprised of two people.

Angrily she replied, "What do you think?"

Toshiro turned to her and finally looked at her directly. "I don't know, Soi. That is why I asked. I..."

He was going to say something else but she cut him off with, "It's yours but you don't have to believe me. I've told you and that's an end to it." Her anger was growing. Hell, he'd had as much to do with creating the child as she had. Why did it seem to be such a shock, or didn't he understand basic biology?

Toshiro looked confused, almost as confused as she felt, aside from the anger and hurt she was experiencing. "What do you mean, that an end to it? Aren't you going to have the baby?"

He thought she was telling him she was getting rid of the child? Why would he think that? Why was everything he was saying hurtful?

"It's none of your business if I have the child or not," she said and shook her head in amazement. Was the stupid choices in sharing information catching? She'd made it his business by telling him, but he'd made it her business by assisting in the unplanned pregnancy. Trying to resolve the situation she quickly added, "I am having the child. As it is yours, I thought you might like to know. You don't have to acknowledge it. It will be my child and only the Old Man has any right to question me."

She turned away. This was nothing like she'd planned or hoped. Toshiro was acting like a inquisitor, asking the difficult questions and making her give the wrong answers. He could leave now and she'd ignore all the regrets and cope with any new problems as they arose.

To her shock a pair of arms embraced her, pulling her tight against his body as he buried his face in her neck. "You're carrying our child? We're having a baby?"

She pulled away from his embrace and spun around to look at him. "I'm having the baby..."

He looked excited and broke in, "No, we're having the baby. It's our child. When do you want to get married?"

The question came out of nowhere. "What?"

Toshiro dropped to one knee, grabbed one of her hands and asked, "Soi, will you marry me?" he sounded excited and there was another emotion in his voice she couldn't quite place. It worried her.

Again she pulled away from him, shocked at the question and the impertinence of the man. "Marry? You? Why would I want to marry you?"

As she stared at him she wanted to free her hand and leave. Telling him the news of her pregnancy had been a mistake and now everything was becoming too complicated and messy.

Instead, Toshiro let go of her hand and stood, the excitement and joy draining from his face. "We are having a baby together. The child needs a father and convention states the father is married to the mother so they can be a family." All the excitement from his voice had gone and he now seemed cold and rational, not the man who had moments ago knelt and proposed.

"If we were conventional we would have fallen in love and married before we had sex," she said as coldly as she could. "We didn't."

"Soi, the child needs a father..."

The words were ones she didn't want to hear or believe and she shut what he said next. Why did the child need a father? Once the child was conceived that was the end to the role of the male, wasn't it? She'd heard all her life about the importance of family and honouring the family name. It was the responsibility of every member of the family to be mindful of any damage their actions might bring to the family and they were to respect their mother and father equally. Admittedly her father had seemed to demand more respect and expected his commands to be followed without question or delay while her mother asked in a different way, a way which made the request a softer option, but no less important.

Had her father been so important in her life that her personality and life were shaped by his presence? What about families where the father died and the mother didn't remarry or have a brother or other relative to take the male role? Was that a failure on the part of the matriarch as no male was present to do what?

"Why does the child need a father?" the words burst from her mouth before she could prevent them.

"The child needs stability..."

Was he saying she was unstable? She ignored the rest of his words again hurt by the implication that Toshiro thought she was unstable and possibly unsuitable to be a mother. If he thought she was unstable, what did that make Momo? Soi hadn't tried to kill one of her best friends recently because of jealousy. Nor was she in denial of reality. She hadn't agreed to marry someone she didn't love just to provide protection for her child. Nor had she become pregnant to some cold noble who had agreed to marriage purely to protect the family name. Retsu had told her she did not expect any support from the father of her child, and had decided to raise it by herself with the help of her division. It was a decision she respected and finally listening to Toshiro again she heard the words:

"It will be best for the child if we marry."

"Best for the child? What about what is best for me? I am still here, still thinking and able to make decisions. I have not lost my ability to reason or make logical decisions simply because I am carrying a child. Who says a child has more stability if the parents are married?" Even to her ears the anger she was feeling was obvious in her voice.

There was silence. It made her feel awkward. Why was he being quiet. He'd had the chance to talk, not that she'd really listened. Had he ignored her words and been immersed in his own thoughts while she made some valid points?

"Do you care?" Soi asked.

Did he care whether he was the father of her child? It was obvious that neither of them were comfortable in this situation and he wanted to assure her that of course he cared. "Yes, of course I care. That is why I asked," he said quickly while staring at the wall or a painting or something.

It was too hard to look at her it might provide a goad to tell her how he really felt. That with or without the news of her pregnancy, he loved her and wanted to spend time with her without fear and fighting. At this early stage of their discussion he knew there would be a fight. His emotions, though he tried to tamp them down and draw on his normally rational approach to most situations, were volatile and it seemed Soi was having problems with the topic of conversation, not that he could blame her.

"What do you think?" Soi was angry he'd asked the question about the paternity of the child. It was obvious and again he cursed his tongue for speaking while his mind was elsewhere. Only Soi brought out that side of him. Even when Matsumoto or Momo enraged him he still maintained control over his words. With Soi it seemed his tongue knew the most damaging or problematic things it could say.

Maybe he could salvage the situation, but it required looking at Soi and not reacting to the bite in her words. He turned to face her, trying to keep his face emotionless in order not to provide her with more ammunition for her anger. "I don't know, Soi. That is why I asked. I..."

Before he could say anything further she interrupted. "It's yours but you don't have to believe me. I've told you and that's an end to it."

The child was his? Not that he'd really doubted it was his, but he wanted her to tell him. He was young to be a father, but did it matter? He wanted to have this child with her. It took all his strength not to reach out and embrace her, holding her close while he experienced the feel of her against him, now a part of him resided within her for the months ahead. They were having a child together, and then the rest of the words sank in. "What do you mean, that an end to it? Aren't you going to have the baby?"

* * *

A.N.

This was never going to be easy considering the pride of each of the characters.

At least there is more time for writing when I clear the circus, which is family life, out of my room. I have nearly completed my studies for the year unless new ones are commenced.

Soundtrack

'Don't Call Me Baby' Madison Avenue

'Omerta (Family Affair)' Tryforce

'Get To Trust' Fruitloop

'Truth and Fiction' Tangerine Dream

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.


	48. For The Love of a Child

_Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work._

**For the Love of a Child**

"It's none of your business if I have the child or not," Soi said, her anger obvious. He was making more and more mistakes. Every time he opened his mouth, the words which emerged didn't reflect what he wished to say, but at the same time he wanted answers. For once he wanted there to be a clear understanding between them so they could start afresh without all the secrets and fears clogging their lives.

Was it his business if she had the child? He thought it was, but at the same time Soi obviously believed it wasn't. Or was this her way of dealing with a potentially emotionally messy situation?

"I am having the child. As it is yours, I thought you might like to know. You don't have to acknowledge it. It will be my child and only the Old Man has any right to question me," Soi added, a frown on her face.

It was his child! It was? The news of his impending fatherhood made him feel very still and very worried. He barely noticed Soi turning away as he tried to understand everything she'd said. The child was his and she was keeping it, but at the same time she was making it very clear it was her child and her decision.

Why had he even thought the baby was not his? Even the question seemed ludicrous as he had carefully considered marrying Momo even though she was pregnant with Aizen's child. Soi had been a virgin as had he and everything he knew or thought he knew about Soi meant she wasn't the sort to... he broke off that thought.

She'd used him for sexual pleasure, taking advantage of a request. The original basis of their relationship was her use of him as a convenience, not as a person and in some respects the beginning of whatever it was between them caused resentment. He, a new Captain of the Seireitei, used as a sexual plaything with little regard to his needs or feelings. If Soi had used him, was it possible she had used others in a similar manner?

It didn't seem likely but the woman was a walking contradiction. She'd used him, forced him to have sex with her until he began to enjoy it and crave her touch more and more. Left alone he might have continued to have the safe fantasy of loving Momo without the passion or desire because what he thought of as his love for her was a half realised emotion which didn't begin to contain all the conflicting love, despair, desire, resentment, fear, need, loathing and adoration he felt for Soi. Was it normal to feel those emotions for another human being?

Soi turned away. He'd made a mistake in his questions. Did it matter? He loved her. There were other emotions which made the acknowledgement of his love difficult but the primary feeling was love and it was a priority to keep her in his life.

They were at an impasse unless he did something. Impulsively he hugged her , pulling her close and placing his face at the junction of her neck and shoulder. He was going to be a father and for some weird reason it made him proud. "You're carrying our child? We're having a baby?"

Predictably, Soi pushed him away, rejecting his touch. "I'm having the baby..."

The rejection hurt a little but the stupid pride made him blurt out, "No, we're having the baby. It's our child. When do you want to get married?"

Soi stared at him, her eye wide with disbelief. "What?"

She was being a little slow or maybe she wished to observe the traditions. It didn't matter to him. He'd gone this far and he wanted to make certain she didn't estrange herself again. Zaraki had married Matsumoto within a very short time and if that unlikely pair could marry, why couldn't they? Dimly he recalled Soi hadn't been very supportive of the marriage but things had changed. Both of them had changed.

To display his sincerity, Toshiro dropped to one knee, grabbed one of her hands and asked, "Soi, will you marry me?" he hoped his voice didn't waver or indicate his fear of rejection. He wanted to marry her.

Soi began tugging her hands out of his, a look of mingled disgust and another indefinable emotion on her face. "Marry? You? Why would I want to marry you?"

The words hurt. Was he that unattractive? Didn't she like his personality? Did she find his conversation dull? She seemed to like having sex with him, or she had once.

Trying not to display any negative emotion Toshiro let go of her hand and stood feeling like a fool. "We are having a baby together. The child needs a father and convention states the father is married to the mother so they can be a family." His tone was as flat as his emotion.

The coldness in her face and voice rivalled the ice he felt in his chest."If we were conventional we would have fallen in love and married before we had sex. We didn't."

Not by his choice. She had been the one to use him, but he was prepared to forgive the past. Nothing about their relationship was conventional but there was one argument he'd heard which seemed to be a winner, "Soi, the child needs a father..."

The incredulous look of her face stopped him. Then he realised it was an argument that would hold little to no appeal to Soi. Why had he even thought it might work?

"Why does the child need a father?" Her tone was mocking.

Thinking fast he tried something else but even as he spoke he knew the words were a mistake. "The child needs stability..." Her flinch at his words worried him but he continued anyway. "It will be best for the child if we marry."

Soi was shaking her head in denial of his words. "Best for the child? What about what is best for me? I am still here, still thinking and able to make choices. I have not lost my ability to reason or make logical decisions simply because I am carrying a child. Who says a child has more stability if the parents are married?"

What could he say? He didn't know if his parents were married. He'd been brought up by an old woman with no male influence in his formative years. Had he been disadvantaged? Would he be better if he'd had a father to advise him? Any statement he considered to strengthen his claim seemed like a platitude or certain to anger Soi. He'd heard all the arguments which ignored the problems related to circumstance. Was a child better for having an abusive father than being brought up by a caring mother or vice-versa? Or was the presence of a cold and distant parent preferable to his absence? Or if the parent was insane, held extremely intolerant beliefs, wished to live vicariously through the child, insisted they train in areas where they had little to no interest?

His words had been unfair. He had treated her as if she were incapable of making decisions and yet she had been a Shinigami and a captain much longer than he had. Why had he automatically thought he had to act in the way he believed men would act.

Toshiro bit his lip and looked away, not wishing to see her anger. "You are right, Captain."

Instead of the expected outburst his words were met with silence. The silence lengthened until he felt he had to look at her. Soi was staring at him as if she had trouble recognising him. She stood, her arms folded over her chest which seemed to show evidence of fast, shallow breathing. Was she preparing to launch another verbal attack, or was there something else?

"Please, Soi. Talk to me." The silence was making him uncomfortable and he wanted to know what she was thinking. If they could get past this they might be able to reach some agreement. The earlier one appeared to be shattered by her revelation and his reaction.

"You said I was right," Soi said softly. She had moved to stand near the table and briefly rested her hand on it.

"You are. Soi..," he broke off and swallowed. He was going to say something stupid, he knew it. If he didn't say it now he might never say it because she was not berating him or acting cold. For this brief moment he thought he might have a chance to say the words he knew to be true but tried to deny. He'd almost said them earlier, just before her announcement of her pregnancy and the words had been forgotten in the mix of new emotions which flooded him and the questions that rose from the statement. He wanted to say it now. If he explained, maybe she would understand. What was the worst thing that could happen?

She might laugh at him.

She might look disgusted.

She might tell him she did not return his feelings.

There was so many variations which might be her reaction and he didn't like most of them.

Should he say anything?

"What is it you want to say, Toshiro?" her voice remained calm.

Looking at her but staying at a distance he finally said the words he felt and believed but might be the end of any chance of spending further time with this woman. "Soi, I love you and want to marry you." Saying the words aloud made him catch his breath. The words had been spoken aloud and she had heard him. He knew she had because she was very still, any reaction hidden by the cool mask of her face.

He waited. Any further words might sound desperate or demanding and it was important she be given the time to respond. He saw her eyes flicker, looking at him and then away. She gazed in the direction of the table and he wondered if it were because she found it difficult to look at him. So far she had shown none of the expected reactions and he began to feel a nervous reaction. Why was it taking her so long to reply? Was it so difficult for her to find the words to reject him?

"I see," was her reply.

'I see'! Two small words which provided no information. 'I see'. It sounded cold and unfeeling. What did she see? That he was making a fool of himself or that their 'arrangement' had caused a further unexpected result?

"What do you see?" without thinking it through the words came out of his mouth with a slight edge.

"You equate love with marriage."

The reply made him frown. She had ignored his declaration and simply chose to concentrate on his request they marry.

"No, I equate love with love but wish to marry you. I want everyone to know I love you and..."

"And you want to own me."

Own her? What was she talking about? "What do you mean?"

Her face remaining expressionless provided no hint of her emotional reaction. "After marriage most men expect the woman to remain at home and look after any children which may be produced."

"What are you talking about? It's not like that! You're not like that!" He wasn't one of those men. Even trying to imagine Soi staying at home and fulfilling a wifely duty was ludicrous.

"Traditionally women give up work when they marry."

"Not in your family. Isn't that what you told me? If I expected women to stop working and stay at home after they married, don't you think I'd have also expected Matsumoto's resignation on her marriage. If she has a child I'll feel privileged if she continues to be my lieutenant. Wasn't Ukitake's lieutenant married and didn't she continue to hold her position in his Division until she was killed?" He was irritated. Traditional? When was she traditional? She ignored the conventions and did things on her own terms. Why was she doing this? The words didn't seem to be her own.

Soi sighed and sank down into a chair. She again gazed at the table, apparently reluctant to meet his eyes, or she was thinking deeply. A slight flush coloured her face and he wondered if she was overheated, annoyed, embarrassed or shy.

Why were they fighting over everything? Beside the river they had been calm and friendly. Now everything either of them said caused an argument and it appeared they couldn't agree on anything. He didn't know how she felt about him as she hadn't responded to his declaration of love. He stared at her, hopelessly. He loved her and wanted to know if she returned his emotions. Did she love him or feel any positive emotion toward him, or was her bitterness and fear too overwhelming for her to feel any of these things for him?

"I don't trust any emotion," Soi said, the words startling him. She was still gazing at the table, her right hand splayed out on the surface as if she was trying to keep it or the table steady.

What she said was blatantly untrue. "You trust your anger."

Briefly she glanced at him and then looked back at the table. Waiting for a reply he looked at the table also. It hadn't changed. It was still an ordinary wooden table with signs it had been used by people who didn't feel any ownership or pride in the object. There were scratches and dents in the wood and while it may have been recently polished, it appeared this was rare. One recent polish didn't overcome years of disinterest. The legs appeared even and the colour a bland sort of teak type shade but again it was nothing noteworthy. The reason Soi was staring at it was it was a convenient focal point, close to her and he couldn't, without some difficulty, interpose himself between her gaze and the table.

After considerable time her words were, "Anger is different."

He thought about it. Anger was an emotion. It was a harder emotion which, for a short period, might make the person experiencing anger feel strong or brave. "It is still an emotion, Soi."

"And you are point scoring," she said.

He started to feel some of the one emotion she trusted. "I am not point scoring. This isn't a competition. I told you I love you and all you can focus on is the negative things you associate with marriage and emotion."

"I loved my family and they died. I loved Yoruichi and she abandoned me without saying good-bye. I can't trust love. All it brings is disappointment and pain."

Her voice was heavy and hard and he wondered if he heard a hint of tears in her words. Her experience of love had been harsh and bitter but was that a good reason to never feel the emotion again? Yet she was carrying a child. Would she refuse to love the baby when it was born?

"Will you love the child?" he had the compulsion to ask. How would she react?

Soi, still looking at the table, shrugged. "How do I know? I will care for it, feed it and do whatever is necessary."

"Do you love it now?"

This time she did look at him. "How do you love a concept?"

He frowned, not quite understanding what she'd said. "What do you mean? It's real, not a concept."

She shook her head, denying his words. "To me it is a concept. It might be inside me, growing, but now all it is a parasitical growth which will sap my health and energy until it is born. I'm not one of those people who revel in the idea of creating new life. This was a mistake."

Hearing her describe the child in that manner shocked him. Who would describe their child as a type of cancer? "It was a mistake we both made. If you feel that way about the pregnancy, why are you continuing with it?"

Her eyes became confused and she looked at the table again. There must be a cause but for some reason she didn't want to share her motive.

"Do you want me to take the child when it is born?" It seemed a fair question.

"No!"

Everything she said confused him more. Did she want the child, or not? Did she love the baby she described as a concept? There was something she felt which he couldn't understand and she wasn't inclined to share with him.

"What do you want, Soi? I don't understand. I want to understand because I love you and care for you."

"Stop saying that!" her voice was loud and her glare full of mistrust.

It appeared that opening his mouth was provoking greater and greater emotional response. They were fighting already, or she was fighting and he was merely giving her more fuel for her anger but if he said the right thing, maybe it would help. He felt sick with disappointment. Fighting with Soi was pointless. He'd never won and each moment he spent in this room he realised that talking any further made the situation worse. He felt any hope of marrying Soi fade and it seemed she was determined he would not be a father to his child.

It hurt. It hurt and he had to get away but before he gave up, he could try once more, couldn't he?

Or would it be better to say nothing and leave? If he wanted to anger her, he was getting the results he wanted. This wasn't working. There was little point in prolonging the discussion. Soi had rejected him and it hurt. He may as well go, find Shunsui and get drunk and talk about the futility of love. Women only caused problems, beautiful and delightful they may be for a short time. The cost of dealing with them on a regular basis was too high.

He turned to the door, heart heavy but too irritated and sad to continue a conversation which was hurting them both. "Goodbye, Soi. When we meet in future I will be mindful that there is nothing between us, not even the semblance of friendship."

He left, closing the door firmly behind him, resisting the impulse to return, gather her in his arms and hold her close until she stopped fighting him. She might never stop fighting and he would only end up hurting them both until they would find it impossible to be civil to each other. It was best to end this now. It grieved him that he would not be able to be a father to their child but if he tried to take that role, only more problems and hurtful scenes would follow.

Looking at the sky, he noticed the moon was still high in the heavens with clouds still scudding across the surface. Not really caring, he began to walk slowly toward Shunsui's. Being alone tonight wasn't a good idea and visiting Shunsui might be even worse. Being alone with his thoughts was an even more disastrous action. He might decide to return to Soi and beg and that sat badly with his pride and honour. If Soi wanted to talk to him, this time he would let her made the approach. As of now he was too heartsick to even think about spending time with a woman who didn't want him.

Best for the child? Wonderful. She wasn't part of the equation. Marry for the sake of a baby, commit to living with another person for as long as it took for the child to grow up and leave home? Then what? A quick divorce and return to her life minus the 20 or so years she would lose caring for two people? Stability?

She didn't want that. Marriage? The few times she'd even considered the idea it scared her. Seeing the same face over the meal table, in the bed, in every place she went. She liked her solitude, the time she could spend quietly, pursuing her own interests without having to consider the feelings of others.

On the other hand, in keeping this child she was committing to spending the next 20 years taking care of a child, an unknown. It wasn't possible to predict if she'd even like the baby, or if their personalities would clash. She avoided these thoughts so often and now Toshiro, by his demands for marriage made her consider them again. It wasn't fair. She'd been honourable and told him she was having a baby. Why couldn't he leave it at that and be grateful she wasn't trying to make him marry her.

It struck her she should have guessed he'd ask her to marry him. He'd wanted to protect Momo and had even asked Soi's thoughts on whether he should ask Momo to marry him. Did he have an obsession for marriage or did he feel the need to propose to any pregnant female? No, that wasn't right. When Kiyone had attempted to involve him in her problems, there was no proposal forthcoming. So why was he proposing to her?

These thoughts passed swiftly though her mind and she found she was shaking her head in denial. This was wrong. "Best for the child? What about what is best for me? I am still here, still thinking and able to make choices. I have not lost my ability to reason or make logical decisions simply because I am carrying a child. Who says a child has more stability if the parents are married?"

There was a slight pause. Toshiro looked away as if he was thinking, then he bit his lip and replied, "You are right, Captain."

She was right? Toshiro surprised her once again by not arguing with her or putting forth or the male lies which were meant to provoke the woman into a guilty acceptance of her subservient role in his life.

Toshiro spoke again. "Please, Soi. Talk to me."

He'd said she was right and now he was asking her to talk to him. He had changed. She hadn't expected this reaction to her words. "You said I was right," Soi said softly as she walked toward the table. To make her believe this was reality she placed her hand on the wooden surface, feeling it cool and firm beneath her palm.

"You are. Soi..," he broke off and swallowed, noticeably. Again he seemed uncertain and nervous as if he feared what he may say next.

If she gave him a chance he might find the words he needed. "What is it you want to say, Toshiro?" her voice remained calm she was pleased to notice.

The look he directed at her confused her by the emotions it aroused. It made her very uncomfortable and wary of the things he might say. It was too late to tell him she wasn't interested in what he had to say.

"Soi, I love you and want to marry you."

Damn him! Why had he said that? It was all she could do to keep her face impassive as the words kept passing through her consciousness. He loved her. He'd already expressed his desire to marry her so that wasn't new, but he loved her. The words almost destroyed her resolve. Love was the great betrayer. She didn't want to experience it again, even if she did feel it. Denial was her best action or not really acknowledging what he'd said. it was difficult but she didn't want anyone to have the power of love over her again.

Finally she said, "I see," in a voice she hoped hid all her emotions.

"What do you see?" He'd flinched when she uttered the two simple words.

Change the subject from his declaration. She had to do it now before she betrayed anything. "You equate love with marriage."

The reply made him frown. For a moment she wished she hadn't made him frown but she had to stop this talk of marriage and love and all the other soft emotions which made her feel weak and vulnerable.

Instead of changing the subject to something else, Toshiro continued, "No, I equate love with love but wish to marry you. I want everyone to know I love you and..."

Instead of preventing him from saying those words again, they seemed to inspire him to speak again. The words hurt and were breaking her resolve. A quick and easy way to distract him from his declarations had to be found. It only took a few seconds for her to decide the best way to alter the conversation. She went on the offensive, "And you want to own me."

It stopped Toshiro and he frowned again as if confused by her statement. She hoped he was. "What do you mean?"

Now she had started this, she had to continue and fortunately there was ample evidence from which she could draw, not necessarily from Toshiro but from their backgrounds. "After marriage most men expect the woman to remain at home and look after any children which may be produced."

"What are you talking about? It's not like that! You're not like that!" Toshiro was shaking his head, looking shocked at her comments. While she knew he wasn't one of the men who had those expectations, generalisations were easy to use. It was also a good way of providing some distance.

"Traditionally women give up work when they marry."

"Not in your family. Isn't that what you told me? If I expected women to stop working and stay at home after they married, don't you think I'd have also expected Matsumoto's resignation on her marriage. If she has a child I'll feel privileged if she continues to be my lieutenant. Wasn't Ukitake's lieutenant married and didn't she continue to hold her position in his Division until she was killed?" He wasn't even bothering to hide his irritation with her and she had managed to direct his attention to defence from her comments. If this continued he might stop urging marriage and love on her.

Did she want to marry him?

Quickly she dismissed the question and the gentle urge to accept which threatened to be more powerful than her fears. Instead of replying directly she sighed and sank down into a chair and continued to stare at the table. Anything to avoid meeting his gaze and the emotions it might raise in her.

Why not repay him with a little honesty? "I don't trust any emotion," Soi said, her hand betraying her by spreading her fingers against the table as if trying to find some security and support from the wood. Emotions blurred judgement and urged stupid actions. Even now they were threatening her carefully maintained composure.

"You trust your anger."

He had said that? It was true, but what was anger? It was a strong and deep reaction to circumstances, not essentially an emotion. It wasn't soppy and it didn't make her weak. Why not trust anger?

Briefly she glanced at him and then looked back at the table. He was staring at her and his eyes were harder than she'd expected. Did he think he was winning with that argument? "Anger is different."

He shook his head and replied. "It is still an emotion, Soi."

This conversation was becoming increasingly difficult. Each time she made a valid point he tried to turn it back on her."And you are point scoring."

From the corner of her eye she noticed he looked startled then incredulous. Her change of tack had surprised him. "I am not point scoring. This isn't a competition. I told you I love you and all you can focus on is the negative things you associate with marriage and emotion."

Damn him. Why did he have to mention love again? Was he expecting her to tell him she loved him? Of course he was but she wasn't going to say it. "I loved my family and they died. I loved Yoruichi and she abandoned me without saying good-bye. I can't trust love. All it brings is disappointment and pain." Uttering the words hurt and she struggled not to alter her breathing or show any sign of the sadness that threatened to overwhelm her. Being honest was the only thing she wanted to offer, but only by being honest about the past. Honesty about the present was beyond her.

Again he changed tack as if trying to force her to admit anything to which he could cling. "Will you love the child?"

It was easier to continue looking at the table and avoid his gaze. Who knew how she would react if she had to answer him while staring into his eyes. Thinking about the child was scary. Acknowledging his paternity was a mistake. "How do I know? I will care for it, feed it and do whatever is necessary."

'Don't ask any more questions,' she begged in her mind. 'Enough. Leave. I don't want to talk about it.'

"Do you love it now?"

What? Why was he asking these things? The unexpected question forced her to look at him and immediately she wished she hadn't. Distance him and the question. That was the way to cope with this immediate problem. With enough distance she might regain control of her emotions. At the moment she was barely managing to hold everything within. "How do you love a concept?"

He frowned, not quite understanding what she'd said. "What do you mean? It's real, not a concept."

As she had started this, she had to continue. Until her pregnancy was confirmed the idea was one which was more conceptual than reality. Recapturing those memories she said "To me it is a concept. It might be inside me, growing, but now all it is a parasitical growth which will sap my health and energy until it is born. I'm not one of those people who revel in the idea of creating new life. This was a mistake."

The conversation was a mistake. One that had to end, soon.

He answered with an edge of bitterness. "It was a mistake we both made. If you feel that way about the pregnancy, why are you continuing with it?"

Obviously he thought she'd meant the pregnancy was a mistake. Again is made her confront the reason for her decision which she still questioned and his was a question she didn't wish to answer. She returned her eyes to the table, willing him to leave.

"Do you want me to take the child when it is born?"

What was he saying? How dare he try to steal her baby. "No!"

His voice rose and he moved closer, almost standing over her. She shifted in her chair, moving back from him as he again assaulted her emotions. "What do you want, Soi? I don't understand. I want to understand because I love you and care for you."

He was trying again. Love. Care. The words that were breaking through to her and making her more fearful of her reactions. "Stop saying that!"

"Go! Just go!' she begged internally.

Incredibly it appeared he understood and he moved away from her , walking toward the door. He was leaving. She felt a sense of relief until he said his final words. "Goodbye, Soi. When we meet in future I will be mindful that there is nothing between us, not even the semblance of friendship."

He left, closing the door firmly behind him and left her staring at the door.

What had happened? Why had he said that?

Soi finally let her emotion loose and she cried, quietly, not wishing her grief to be noticeable to anyone. The latest disaster was her own doing and there was nothing she could think of which might reconcile them.

* * *

A.N.

Toshiro made his own decision in this chapter. The plan was for a full reconciliation but he'd walked out the door before it was possible.

My life is under as much control as the characters is stories.

The soundtrack is all Australian this time.

Soundtrack

'Let's Get Married' Celibate Rifles

'The Girl of My Dreams is Giving Me Nightmares' Machine Gun Fellatio

'I Love You But...' Friendly

'I Ain't Going To Eat Out My Heart Anymore' Divinyls

'We're All No One' Nervo

Review. Reviews some times amuse.


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